Milo is such a lucky boy. He is so loved by so many. He is also lucky because he has two wonderful Grandmothers and a Grandfather that basically worship the ground he spills his milk and crunches goldfish crackers on. He sees at least one of his grandparents weekly. Sometimes he sees all of them, multiple times in a week.

I always had a wonderful relationship with my grandparents. And if you’ve been reading here awhile you know I had a special bond with my grandma, Mariam. So, the fact that he gets to spend so much time with his family and grandparents makes me so happy. I’m grateful that my Mother was finally able to move back to California last year so she can be here for Milo. We’ll never let her leave again!

Grandparents can be a wonderful thing, I miss mine daily and am so sad often that none of them ever got to meet Milo and see this truly amazing human I created.

In case you haven’t noticed, this blog is like the very last thing ever on an ever growing list of priorities.  And also, Privacy is a major concern to me lately. I used to have zero worries about exploiting myself and family here. Now, I like my privacy. I like the world not knowing every single worry & issue I’m having.

But, I do figure I owe a tiny explanation to my super small list of readers…

I have been having health issues that have made me extremely fatigued. So when I do have energy in the day I’m TCB! Laundry, errands, cooking, grocery shopping, playing with Milo.  But at the end of the day I’m exhausted. I climb into bed every night within 20 minutes of putting Milo to bed.  Some days I go to bed feeling like “Super Mom”, some days I go to bed with a heavy feeling of  guilt. That day I was too tired to be the Mom I wanted to be. Or take out Mom & insert Wife, Friend, Sister, Daughter, house keeper, chef, etc……. It varies day to day.

I have hope that it will get better. I’m under a Doctors care & am getting constant testing & weekly b12 shots right now. I’ve been diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia. I initially thought it was due to my go at vegetarianism but with further testing found out that this is a completely different type of anemia & has nothing to do with that. Which bummed me out. That would have been an easier fix. This doesn’t seem like it has a “fix”. I’ll most likely be supplementing with b12 for the rest of my life. Or as long as I want to feel good! Next up is having a GI specialist do a “scope” & stomach biopsy on me to check out whats going on in the ol’ tum tum. Exciting, right?!

I’m doing my best to adjust & stay on top of life. As usual our weekends are busy as can be. And I’m also some how trying to find the time/energy to “train” for a little 5k I’m doing on Thanksgiving morning aka My birthday!

Not looking for any sort of sympathy out of this post. Just simply updating as to whats going on & why the blog is slowing down.

We have always appreciated cutting edge technology. Maybe because technology being part of our every day lives is how we’ve grown up. But, we appreciate it.

I never knew how much I needed an iPod until I randomly got one 7 years ago for Christmas. I got choked up when I opened it. I remember going to the bathroom almost immediately after I opened it in my (then boyfriend’s, now husband’s) parent’s living room. I didn’t want them to see that side of me….yet. But I was so overjoyed. I couldn’t believe I had this awesome thing in MY POSSESSION. It was mine. Mercer helped me figure it out & got every single song I loved loaded on to it. I fell asleep at night listening to Atmosphere & No Doubt, almost nightly. I remember distinctly walking into the gym with my iPod attached to my arm feeling like I was the SHIT! You had a cd player- You LAME!

When my Husband got his first iPhone he was obsessed. Again, I had a Blackberry & was perfectly content with it, I didn’t need an iPhone I said repeatedly to my Husband who tried often to convert me. Until the opportunity for a free iPhone presented itself. For someone who didn’t “need” it I sure did jump on that opportunity faster than my dog scarfs down a piece of fallen food to the kitchen floor. I was instantly enamored & couldn’t believe how much easier my iPhone made my life, & still continues to do so to this day. You should see the panic that takes over me when I can’t find my phone. I know that makes me sound kinda lame, I don’t care though. That piece of Apple helps me out through each day. It stores videos & pictures of my sweet family & friends, it helps me connect with my friends, family, & Internet friends daily, helps me find recipes for dinner, I can read a book on it while relaxing, check my favorite blogs, etc.  I try often to get friends to convert to an iPhone. You just don’t get it til you have one. 

We just really appreciate what this guy’s creativity has done for the world. So you don’t own an Apple product? Chances are you depend on a computer though. Your computer is as great as it is because whomever made it is trying to keep up with what Apple has already done. All these smart phones & their “app stores”. Your app store will never be the Apple App Store. It just won’t. I have no doubt that Apple will continue to create cutting edge, irreplaceable products. They seem to have the formula down now. I just think what could have been with the continued creativity that Jobs compelled. 56 is far too early to go.

He had a vision. He never strayed from it. That’s something to be admired. I admire what he’s done for the world & I admire his amazing outlook on life.

I did a lot of quiet thinking last night. About life, death, & all the in between. I try to live each day as happily as I can, I try not to dwell on things.  I try not to let others opinion sway the person I AM. But, I’d be lying if I said it sometimes doesn’t go that way. Some days I do dwell on things. Some days I do let people get me down. But yesterday was a reminder to do what I can to not let that happen too often. To not let someone’s opinion of me sway the person that I want to be, the things I want to achieve. Awesome isn’t created by laying in bed all day being mad at the world. Awesome isn’t created by letting other peoples doubts of you stand in the way of your visions. I think we all have the power to do amazing things.

Thank You Steve, For all that you’ve done, & the way you’ve touched so many lives.

Image Via: www.apple.com

Out of my almost 27 years of existence I’ve been friends with Ryan for almost 25 of them. Crazy right?!

I think so. 

I don’t see him enough. We all are busy. Not a good excuse, we need to hang out more. I miss him. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I miss him until I’m in his severely goofy, overly chatty presence. You see, he never stops talking. But I love that about him.

We grew up on the same street, My first memories ever are with him. He made me do boy stuff all the time growing up, but he was a good sport and sometimes would even play barbies or dress up with me too.  We were fixtures of each other’s homes & lives.  Also? My Brother and his Sister were high school sweet hearts & married 16(i think?) years ago. We were even in their wedding together.

We are family. Which is awesome. Our families are literally one now, and have been for some time. We often intermingle on Holidays & Birthdays & it’s always so comfortable. I think of his family as my own. I really do. I think of him as my third Brother, & his sister? Well she’s my sister too.

He got married yesterday to a wonderful lady named Danielle. Ryan also became an official second Dad yesterday to her three boys that he loves insane amounts.  Out of everyone I know Ryan is the most stand up guy (besides my brother). He’s a “good guy” in every sense of it.  Nice guys finish last is often true, & has sadly been true for him a few times.  Not this time though. He was so happy yesterday dancing at his reception with his Wife. It made me really happy.   I was really quiet yesterday. It’s because I was kinda emotional & feared that if I spoke too much I’d burst into tears in front of everyone.

His Step-Mom was toasting him & his wife at the reception & she was saying that she entered Ryan’s life 19 years ago. I zoned out on everything else she said after that. I was fixated on that number….19. I couldn’t believe that it had been 19 years.  That seems so long ago. But, I remember clearly when she and her 2 daughters came into their lives. (also, those 2 girls are part of my life too. I love them so much. Again, we’re like a big huge family) I just sat their & looked around at everyone, I knew so many of them & felt so comfortable there with everyone. I reminisced with Ryan’s Grandma, Connie about a few funny stories from our childhood & realized that this just isn’t the norm. We are really lucky. I am really lucky that I have this huge, wonderful extended family. That I’ve had it for a really long time & will always have this great connection with a group of people that aren’t “blood” related. That when they ask how my own little family is they aren’t just making small talk, that they genuinely care.  I felt very grateful on our long drive home last night.

I’m happy I got to spend time with everyone yesterday & celebrate a happy, happy day for Ryan and Danielle.

xoxox

and this is completely random but I will always think of Ryan when I hear this ridiculous song. We were super young, spending the weekend at My Brother’s & his Sister’s duplex back in the day & we tried our hardest to choreograph a dance to this song!

This round of potty training we started a little over a month ago maybe… We have had a little froggy toilet for about a year. We brought it out in the living room (where we spend almost all of our time) & just sat it there. He became very intrigued & would sit on it fully clothed. That eventually led to me letting him run around naked from the waist down & encouraging him (very often) to use the potty to do his biz. He picked up on it this time, this time he was readier than the previous attempts.  He had a few accidents, peeing on the couch, on the floor, on the dog, but overall I was impressed. I rewarded him with M&M’s & fruit snacks the first two days he would successfully use the potty. After that we stopped the rewards & he never even noticed.

We had about a week of him not wanting to go number two on the potty though, he’d wait & wait for a diaper to be put on.  Finally he started doing that on his potty too!

We still weren’t able to clothe him or put underwear on him with success though. He would do his biz if he had something on his bottom half to catch it. So that really made it kinda tough. He’s “potty trained” only at home. I guess that’s a start.

Then fast forward to today. I had the same talk with him I’ve had every morning this week after I take his morning diaper off. I pull his jammie pants back up & tell him he HAS to tell me before he goes potty so we can take his pants down. He hasn’t listened to that the past three days. Today he’s listening. He’s asked for help to pee twice & just a few minutes ago he pulled his own pants down & went on his own, then pulled them back up & went back to playing. Hopefully after a few days of this we will be able to put underwear on him, & eventually venture out in public sans a diaper.

It wasn’t an immediate process for us like it is for some families. This is just one of those things where I think your kid really has to go at his own pace, whatever that may be, & it has to be OK.

This video just pretty much sums me up. If you are ever wanting to know what I’m like, this is it people. Also could be why I only have three friends, but I don’t know….

Our house is barely 1000sq. ft. It’s cramped which means it automatically looks cluttered most days.

A few weeks ago I posted the following picture on instagram complaining about Milo’s space in the living room taking over all of the living room.

Every few months I cycle out some of Milo’s toys so I did that recently & reorganized his space in the living room.

It still takes up the same amount of room but just looks less cluttered & messy.

One of my personal goals for this year was to hang out with friends more often, make more of an attempt to see & keep up with family, especially my in-laws. I’m failing miserably at this. I  feel like they must think I hate them or something. I never really email them, or call them, & always wait to be invited to things. I never plan anything with anyone really.  For the record, I think my in-laws are FANTASTIC. Seriously, especially my sister-in-laws. I love them. A lot. I just have a ridiculous non existent way of showing it for some reason.

I can also go like really long periods of time with out seeing friends & family & am usually fine with it. Again, I love my few girlfriends fiercely but, for some reason I seem to be content with sometimes only seeing each other once in a months time.

I think this habit is bad. I think this habit gives people I truly love the wrong impression. How could it not? I tried to break it & failed. I’m one of those weird people that could move to a remote island away from ever soul she knows & be OK. Well, at least I think I am. And again? No clue why I’m like this because I seriously do love these people with my whole heart, I just really suck at showing them.

It was around 90 degrees outside today. He was covered in sweat & he was happy to do it & proclaimed just how fun it was, several times.

Let’s recap: he had fun sweating & doing manual labor for close to 2 hours.
I will never understand men. I sat in the air conditioning on my candy ass looking at a huge pile laundry I was supposed to be folding. (he later folded ALL the laundry. He had to of done something bad. I’ll update when I figure out what it was. Now that I’m thinking about it he did the dishes too. Something fishy is going on!)

It’s 5:30 pm & I’m drowning myself in chocolate cake. I really don’t even eat sweets! The thing is, I don’t drink that much either. I had cake in the house, I didn’t have any alcohol. But, holy hotcakes is My child driving me bonkers. I should also mention that Milo is taking a nap I just put him down for. Yeah…at 5:30pm. STOP it, I can feel you judging me!

I had to make him take another nap. He was overly tired, & I was overly tired of him.

For the past 2 weeks Milo has been going through some sort of change. Every day it is countless hours of whining. Like, everything he says is said in a whining tone. TRUST ME, it would make Mother Theresa go bonkers!  He’s also been more defiant than usual. Whining + Shitheadedness = Chocolate-Cake-Coma-Mama.

My husband has a long daily schedule. He leaves at 5am & usually gets home somewhere around 7pm. Mon-Fri. I am solely responsible for Milo in that time frame. You’re like “yeah, so what, your ARE his Mom?!” And I’m like..gonna go crazy.

You see…I never really get a legitimate break. A break from Mothering. Sure after he goes to sleep at night I do but that SO doesn’t count. I’m not even talking like him & his Dad go out for a few hours & do boy stuff on the weekends or anything. We do everything as a family on the weekends because we pretty much have an hour together each week night & that’s not a lot.  & really? It’s all my fault. I never let anyone watch Milo. VERY rarely, over night? Unfuckingheardof. I can’t bring myself to do it. I guilt myself, or tell myself he will hate it & be upset, & ohmygod how could I send him away when all he wants is ME? How sad.  The thought of him being overnight somewhere & being upset because he wants his parents breaks my heart & I wouldn’t want to put him through that. Or make him feel like I don’t want him around or something.

But, I have to tell you, I need to get over it. Seriously. Milo has spent the night with someone for a weekend when he was 6months old & that’s it. Aside from that he’s never been away from me for more than a few hours.

It’s catching up to me. I notice my patience getting thinner, me being snappier, it taking less & less for me to get my feathers ruffled. I hate it. Sometimes I think I can actually feel my blood pressure rising. I truly think a little break now & again would be healthy for all three of us. Mercer & I never ever everrrrrrrr even go on dates. We’ve had like one in god knows how long.

So, I think next week I’m going to let my Mother take him over night. My Mother lives with my Brother & his family & Milo loves his cousins. I think he will have a great time. I’m going to try my hardest to not let myself get in the way of it. I BET he would even have fun.  I’m hoping a break like that will leave me feeling more refreshed so I can be a better Mom. For the record: I think I am an excellent Mother. I don’t even care if that makes me sound like I have a big head. Everything I do is with Milo in mind. My world revolves around being the best Mother I can be for him, & I don’t think I do a bad job at it. He’s always my priority, that’s why I think this is important. Other than Mercer & I, My Mom is one of his absolute favorite people & he’s always comfortable with her. I know he will be safe in their home! For heavens sake my Brother is a police officer, with a police dog at their home! I don’t really know where he would be more safe or loved than there!

So maybe I’ll have a refreshing post update next week. Or maybe I’ll be 8lbs heavier from chocolate cake?!