I just finished reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. I loved that book like I haven’t loved a book in a long time. In it, he writes about his experiences trying to turn his life into a better story.

I loved his perspective on change. I’ve always been intrigued by the human ability to change and one of my core beliefs is that change is imperative if we want to live a fulfilled life. Here’s what Miller said:

“If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation … If the character doesn’t change, the story hasn’t happened yet. And if story is derived from real life, if story is just a condensed version of life, then life itself may be designed to change us, so that we evolve from one kind of person to another.”

I believe that 100%. And over the last year of my life, I’ve learned that we can’t make that transformation during the times of ease and happiness — it comes from the times of pain and heartache. But the pain and heartache isn’t pointless, in fact it has far more purpose than the good times. Because of the struggle, we face truths about ourselves and our lives that we wouldn’t otherwise. The struggle coaxes us to make a change.

Change also requires sacrifice. If what we want or what we’re working for (a material possession, a relationship, a job or opportunity, etc.) doesn’t require sacrifice, it’s probably not worth anything. We value what we work for, what we receive after giving up something else. If I want a better story, a character transformation, like Miller talks about, it requires discomfort, pain, and giving up part of myself for it.

We have to remember that we aren’t working for the happy ending, the “arrival” of something good, although we tend to tell ourselves that. We think that when we reach this goal, get that job, reach that stage of life, or become a certain type of person, we’ll finally have arrived. Maybe getting there does bring you some happiness. BUT the change, the real reward, happens in the middle, when things are hard — harder than you thought they would be. That’s where your character changes and morphs into something better than the character you had before.

So I guess we try to appreciate the middle for what it does for us, as uncomfortable and painful as it can be. When we’re in it, we try our best to remember that discomfort, heartache, and pain bring growth as their reward. We submit to having faith in the process. We take stock of our lives once in a while and review the things we’ve overcome and the ways we’ve changed because of them. We tell God thank you for that hard thing, enjoy a period of peace and rest, and wait for the next experience that will change us even more.

As Miller learned from writing instructor Robert McKee:

“The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn’t think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it’s conflict that changes a person … You put your characters through hell. You put them through hell. That’s the only way we change.”

We started off the morning with Jalene talking about the financial and legal requirements to starting a business. And let me just say: she knows so much about this topic. She has a background in finance and knows a lot about contracts and the legal aspect of business. I learned LOTS from her during this section.

After that, I talked about one of my favorite things… the systemization and organization of your business behind the scenes. I could talk about this forever.

(some photos by me, some by Jalene)

Then we took a break for a really yummy lunch….

After lunch, Jalene covered cutting down time in post-production to maximize profit and efficiency. Then we moved on to talking about marketing, social media, networking, and creating an effective website.

Last, we went over pricing and the client experience, and finished up by answering questions for a while.

We also took some quick headshots of all the attendees. This was a pretty beautiful group of women:

Then everyone left and Jalene and I collapsed on the floor from exhaustion. :) It was such a good day though. We both LOVE talking about business, so spending the day talking about it was pretty great. Even as the day ended, I was already excited for our next workshop in June.

Speaking of which… we have a few seats left for the workshop on June 4th! AND we are giving one of them away! To enter:

1. Grab the photo below and post it to your Instagram feed. Please include why you would like to win, my handle (@kristinbrown) and hashtag #thebusinessofphotography.
2. Share the photo from my Facebook Page and why you want to win.
3. Post about it on Twitter with my handle (@iamkristinbrown) and #thebusinessofphotography

Each will count as one entry. Monday, May 6 is the last day to enter. We will count up entries and pick a random winner on May 7!

kenny dressed up for mock court / the funnest day ever shopping with my mom while in utah / showing off the longest braid i’ve ever had!

It’s May! April felt like a long month, but not the most productive. I’m ready for a fresh start with May. May is also the month where Kenny finishes his first year of law school and I get a brand new nephew! So I’m pretty sure it’s going to be great.

My biggest accomplishment from this last month: BECOMING A FLOSSER. I’m so proud of myself. I’ve been feeling guilty about not flossing for pretty much my entire life. And I think I can say it’s finally a habit after these last few weeks. Hooray for me! I did okay on my other goals, especially considering the week I spent in Utah, but didn’t get any of the stuff I wanted to sell out of the house, so that’s getting pushed to May. I did get a ton of reading done though, including a couple extra books I hadn’t planned on.

The goals for May…

daily habits:

• Keep writing every day

specific goals:

• Consistent morning study time — reading, writing, and prayer before touching the computer
• Keep track of what I eat and how I feel each day (I’m trying to see if there’s something specific I should be avoiding)
• Sell stuff online! I’ve been procrastinating this for months!
• Use my time more wisely — I need to be much more conscious of this… but I’m not sure of the strategy yet.
• Read Love Does
• Read Les Miserables (Trying to convince myself I can do this in a month… we’ll see.)

. . . . . . . . . . .

(This year I’m posting my monthly goals for a bit of accountability and motivation! They are based on my eight intentions for 2013.)

The arboretum at UC Davis is magical in the late afternoon. I kind of am tempted to shoot there again and again.

Leang is due any day with her third baby. Their two sweet girls are so excited and I can’t wait to photograph the birth.

The reality is that I pretty much always sleep later than I intend, have no reason to get dressed in anything other than sweats, have dishes that pile up (because some days work is more urgent than an empty sink), sit down at a slightly cluttered desk to work, have deadlines to meet, distractions easily available, and work email available to peek in on at all hours of the day, and occasionally accidentally end up not even leaving the house for two and a half days (which, for a homebody-introvert-type, is not the worst thing in the world).

Funny how life is not always quite what we expect. :)

I will say this: I am happy anyway. I’m doing work I care about and find fulfillment in. I’m able to be home in an apartment I love, with my cat sleeping soundly on the floor next to my feet. I’m able to walk twenty feet to the kitchen when I am hungry, eat at my desk if I want to, and take a break to cuddle with Pip when I feel like it. I love my flexibility–I can run errands when the grocery store is empty, make appointments in the middle of the day, and work late at night if I have a lot to do or Kenny is studying.

I know it isn’t everyone’s ideal life but it is what I’ve always wanted from a career. And of course most days aren’t perfect, but right now, with a breeze coming through my window, a clean (for now) apartment, and feeling caught up on most of my current projects… this really is exactly what I had in mind. :)

I’ve been itching to write here about something spiritual in nature, but have procrastinated, not knowing quite how to share it effectively. So excuse this mess of thoughts and I’ll hope it comes across somewhat clearly. :)

Lately I’ve been feeling a change in my heart. I can’t think of a better way to express it than that. It feels like an increase in peace and understanding about God, my life, and his plan for me. I just feel different.

I think a culmination of recent experiences, thoughts, and circumstances have led me to a precipice of humility. I think the test is whether I’ll take a step over the edge and really, truly, finally find a sense of humility in a willingness to turn my life over to God.

I’ve been here before, most memorably in the summer of 2008. That was a rough year for me and I remember being brought to a similar point when I finally came to terms with what I’d been going through and gave up control to God. I remember telling Him in prayer that I was submitting my will to His and was trusting that He’d take care of me better than I could take care of myself. Not coincidentally, that fall, I met Kenny and life changed forever. :)

So it would stand to reason that being on this precipice of humility is actually a good thing. This time it’s taken a lot of uncomfortable days/weeks/months, but I think the purpose was to lead me to this point — where I need God’s grace enough to be willing to relinquish control of my will and accept His.

I hope this doesn’t sound like trite platitudes. I just finally understand humility in a way I haven’t before and everything I’ve heard all my life actually means something to me now. Kenny and I were talking about how it’s one of those things that you don’t know until you know. You don’t need God until you need God. And I can say that I’m grateful for my trials (and actually mean it!) because I wouldn’t know or understand this concept without them.

The gospel is simpler than I ever realized: trust and rely on God. Offer your will to Him every day, in every situation, even (and especially) when it’s hard. The result is a measure of peace and understanding that softens and changes your heart.

image source

(march highlights: quitting my job! / perfect bike-riding weather / working at home)

March Recap:

My goals for last month have gone pretty well! I finished 7 Habits, have been eating better (for the most part), and most importantly, have been much more productive with my time, something I really wanted to work on. I’ve also been tweaking my blog design a bit (check out my pretty sidebar!) and trying to figure out how I want things to be around here, plus figuring out a plan for more regular posting.

April Goals:

How is it April already?? This month I’ll be spending a whole week in Utah (hooray!) and soaking up some time with Kenny before finals-studying steals him away from me. A few things to work on this month…

daily habits:

• Floss more! (I went to the dentist last month and have vowed to finally make this a solid habit!)
• Keep writing

specific goals:

• Finish reading 48 Days to the Work You Love
• Read In Defense of Food
• Read Quitter
• Blog at least twice weekly — for real this month
• Continue eating less dairy & gluten and eating more vegetables instead
• Sell and donate a few more things around the apartment
• More reading, less online tv shows :)

. . . . . . . . . . .

(This year I’m posting my monthly goals for a bit of accountability and motivation! They are based on my eight intentions for 2013.)

It’s been quiet around here, mostly because things have been in a state of flux. The biggest and best news right now: I quit my job! Yes, the job I started only four months ago that I was so relieved to get. It wasn’t what I expected (the job or quitting so soon), and while working there was a huge blessing during those four months, I needed to move on.

I’ve started some other projects during the last couple months that have allowed me to fill in the income gap and quit, the main job being some work I am doing for a videographer in Utah, helping him with the business side of things (which of course, I LOVE). Thank goodness for the internet. I now work from home and could not be happier about it. My time is my own and I’m doing something I love. It also allows for time to pursue the things I want to, which I’m very grateful for. AND I’m now location-independent, which means I can travel home to Utah when I want to (for however long I want to)!

In other news: Kenny got a great summer internship in Sacramento and is studying harder than ever at school. Every day I am reminded how glad I am that it’s him and not me — and how much I don’t miss school. :) Pip turned one year old (is it ridiculous that I celebrated by buying him presents?). I had a long and torturous date with my dentist last week. And I’ve been prepping for our workshop next month.

In a nutshell, things are good! For the first time in over a year, I feel at peace with the direction things are going with my work and that’s been such a relief. Hopefully now I can get back to blogging more regularly… I have missed it. :)

Seeing the kids at my door and being completely thrilled.

Jack sleeping over at our apartment and snuggling into bed with me in the morning.

Kenny and Jack’s sword fights. Lots and lots of sword fights.

Jack’s obsession with his Ninja Turtles (they went everywhere with us).

Cramming all of us into one fancy hotel room. :)

The beautiful views on the bay cruise.

Chloe being so stinking hilarious and surprising us with the funniest things.

Chloe’s friendliness with strangers, including the musician on the street she wouldn’t stop flirting with.

Swimming with the kids and Chloe shivering, freezing, and with chattering teeth, refusing to get out because she was having too much fun.

Driving over the Golden Gate Bridge with Jack and Kenny.

Chloe riding on my dad’s shoulders… everywhere.

Teaching Jack how to make a wish with a penny at the Ghiradelli fountain.

Eating at Boudin Bakery multiple times because it’s JUST SO DELICIOUS.

My mom telling Jack and Chloe the story of Goldilocks and the three little bears before bed and them being completely entranced.

Chloe playing in the freezing water at the beach by Ghiradelli. Being completely fearless and getting her legs soaked.

Kenny asking Chloe if she thought the bridge was pretty cool and her responding in her adorable little voice: “…I don’t know, something amazing I guess!”

Asking Jack what his favorite thing so far had been and the answer always being “sword-fighting with Kenny.”

Taking one of my all-time favorite photos with Jack (below).

 Nothing matters more to me than my family. I’m so grateful for them.