Kristi's Chronicles

Christmas Insanity.....Part 2

2010-12-30T13:15:00.002-05:00

One thing I found out today when I got the crazy idea of wading into the insanity called the-last-Saturday-before-Christmas-shopping. I thought I was close to going off the deep end yesterday but then again it was me with my oldest. Except for his hissy fit in the store, things were rather mellow. He's older so he knows to stay with me. I got what I needed to get and headed for the exit without thinking twice. I made a couple of small donations with the loose change clinking around in my pocket. Another way to get the flow moving and something I haven't done in too long. I love Christmas and the feeling I get and the smiles on people's faces when I wish them a "Merry Christmas". I don't care if the good ol' boys on Parliament Hill think it's politically incorrect. They're full of stupid ideas....look at the HST. I call it the Hit and Slap Tax.
But back to my original point. I think I'm done my seasonal shopping so I've got to figure out how to get these presents wrapped with my 3year old in the house. Maybe my sister could take him......

Christmas Insanity....Part 1

2010-12-30T13:08:00.002-05:00

I'm backtracking to the weekend before Christmas.....

Oh boy, Christmas shopping ..... Ugh!!!! Each year, I find it as nerve wracking as the previous ones. It seems like every body's impatience to get their own shopping finished brings out their thoughtlessness, insensitivities. Patience goes a long way. I know I wrote about it last year about this time but just like last year mine is wearing a little thin. I try to keep my shopping trips short and at the less than busier times to avoid my stress levels peaking. Unfortunately, I was not able to do that yesterday. My mother does not like driving in heavier traffic. She's prone to panic attacks. Can't say as I blame her. The place we live has more than our fair share of idiots when it comes to driving. It can be a constant see-saw of driving offensively and defensively. You see my point.
But getting back on topic. She hates shopping at night. It seems to throw her whole schedule off....so I was forced to delve into the chaos that is only unique to Christmas shopping. Added to the mix which was unavoidable was my three year old. I give him mountains of credit. He was alot more patient than any toddler has a right too.
But thank goodness its over. I think.....

Lost Time

2010-12-20T16:05:00.003-05:00

The year has drifted by effortlessly and its been months since I wrote last. I'm embarrassed to admit I allowed life get in the way. I allowed procrastination to take over controlling, pigeonholing my interests and allowed the lesser important things..... distractions to become front and center. Slowly sapping my energy. What was distracting me?? My favourite shows when the fall lineup started were part of it. I had to tape them just so I could watch them in 15 minute increments. In the summer, well paying more attention to someone else's behaviour. That alone can be very time consuming. I did do a bit of my other writing and I did obtain a casual part-time job since my other job, that I love by the way, was less than busy. Trying to stay optimistic can be a full-time job in itself when attached to the one about watching with a suspicious eye that other person's behaviour. It's amazing how much time can be wasted thinking.... just thinking about said person's behaviour while I stare at a blank page.

But I did come to realize by the change of seasons that things needed to change in my own life. I know I said it before but quite frankly nothing changed. That old quote "the more things change the more they stay same" kept singing in my ear. Drastic change that's what I need. A little hard to do when I have two children. But other women have done it and continue to do it....so can I.

QUOTE

2010-08-25T16:01:00.001-04:00

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle - Philo of Alexandria

Stress neverending.....

2010-08-25T15:51:00.002-04:00

Stress for me comes in many forms like everybody else. And it's all self-induced, no matter what the situation. That fact doesn't help when I'm in the middle of a beyond stressful moment. What could be the most stressful job?? There will be many out there to disagree with me but for me a month ago was ......wedding photographer!!!! Hands down!!!! When the photographer doesn't do a good job, the bride will let you know about it.
Photography is one of my passions. I love it. I only do outdoor weddings on the rare occasions I give in and take pictures for a wedding. I'm picky about the lighting and surroundings and when those criteria don't work I'm my own worst critic. That's not saying much since I am a Virgo. But in my opinion to do a job is to do it the absolute best I can do or what's the point especially when I'm getting paid. So that's where the stress enters my life. Never ending perfection in my own head. I push myself and it works sometimes and if I'm not careful I receive the wonderful migraine. Usually three days worth.
Passions are important but I need to try and not get so overwhelmed by other personalities. They are draining, exhausting and sap any ounce of reasonable calmness located in my body.
I'm learning stress is linked to fear.
No fear.....ok.....no stress........hahahaha.

Exams........

2010-07-17T12:00:00.003-04:00

I passed my Iridology exam and I'm so excited for the present and the future filled with more possibilities for my growing business.
There's a few more topics I want to learn more about but I need to remain patient.... one topic at a time.
The biggest challenge is informing the public. So many people are not aware of Reflexology, Iridology, Reiki, etc.....which can be understandable but frustrating. But then again my husband never heard of Tiger Woods....What?!
Advertising is effective to a certain degree but it all boils down to people can be so afraid of things they won't try.
I notice every time I have a booth set up for Reflexology, I sit and wait for that first person. And I wait....and I wait.... and I wait but once that first person sits in my chair, the sign up list becomes full very quickly when they see with their own eyes what happens. Like last weekend at the local carnival. Reflexology is so effective at helping the whole body to relax, bring balance back and rid the body of any aches and pains the person might be experiencing.
Iridology is reading the markings on the iris, the colour part of the eyes. Each mark and its location can tell past injuries, problems in the body etc. It is very effective. The eyes really are the window to the soul.
So many alternative ways to help the body instead of popping a pill that might not be necessary.

QUOTE

2010-06-15T15:23:00.001-04:00

Do one thing every day that scares you. -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Losing Loved Ones.......

2010-06-15T15:16:00.002-04:00

I got reminded again this morning how fragile life can be, not that I need to be reminded. My front and center learning experience was when my husband was killed 10 years ago in a car accident. In the last eight months, I now know 4 different widows.....all women I've known for years in various extensions of my life experiencing the loss of their spouse like I had and my heart breaks all over again for them. No one should have to go through that pain....of losing anyone. The tears and loneliness following the funeral when the crowds of the first week gradually disappear, no one can describe it or understand it unless they have been through every single heart wrenching moment.
I want to jump in and take their pain away if its at all possible which it isn't but I can't help it. I know they need to go through it. It's all part of the journey. We all learn from the bad as well as the good.
I learned how much I want to help people feel good, relax, better their health, pamper themselves ever since I lost him. It took me a little while, postponing my life while I grieved. As you know, procrastination is my worse challenge to overcome but I continue to push myself every day or every other day or once a week. But I still push.
I still grieve to this day because I will always miss him.

QUOTE

2010-06-08T16:32:00.001-04:00

Much wisdom often goes with fewer words -- Sophocles

Ahhhhhhh Summer..........

2010-06-08T16:23:00.002-04:00

I love all the brilliant colours coming from the flowers. I'm disappointed to see the lilacs gone already. I love their colour and their scent. Not that I would be able to smell them this week anyways. I have been blessed with yet another cold. I say blessed because I read everybody should be grateful for everything in their life including the bad stuff. I figure colds and flus fall under the category of bad stuff. The boys and I have experienced a bout of the flu in the past month and now this brutal cold. I try to look at that maybe I'm supposed to slow down whenever I get sick but I also lose customers and income. Nobody else wants to get sick and I don't blame them.
So my task right now is searching for another source of income that isn't so strongly affected by my health and still leaves my schedule open for my other business. And doesn't alter my time with my kids as well.
I was directed towards one of my hobbies earlier today so I will push forward on that idea and see what happens. I love to write also and as you can see I'm doing that already along with some other writing projects. I'm doing my best to stay patient and see where it leads. Patience is strongly required for this cold as well. Which one needs it more??? It's a coin toss.

QUOTE

2010-05-31T17:23:00.001-04:00

Happiness is the only good.
The time to be happy is now.
The place to be happy is here.
The way to be happy is to make others so.
-- Robert G. Ingersoll

Vacations.....

2010-05-31T17:04:00.002-04:00

A break, a change of scenery, a long visit with one of my girlfriends that's what my world called for on Saturday and I did it. I usually go through the usual, run-of-the-mill routine but when I woke up this morning (despite my lack of sleep thanks to both my sons) with a strong itch to go visiting. I tried to think of who, who could I go visit on a Saturday who wasn't already spending quality time with her family. A quick scan in my memory of conversation during the week led me to believe I was out of luck. Hopes dashed, I got a little down. Until the phone rang a few minutes later and it was one of my best girlfriends wondering what I was doing because her husband was gone for the day. With a renewed sense of excitement believed to be snatched from me a short time earlier, I got myself ready and the boys packed.
What a wonderful day for two girls hanging out, catching up while receiving some much needed and deserved relaxation while her teenage son watched my boys.
Thank you doesn't seem to be enough especially when she sends me home a ziploc bag full of her delectable, melt-in-my-mouth peanut butter and jelly cookies. This girl needs to be a caterer. Everything she bakes or cooks is a creation and delicious beyond words. But besides that, she is one of my dearest friends who provided me with a brief vacation. And the Universe obviously thought so as well.

QUOTE

2010-05-26T16:22:00.001-04:00

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. -- Teilhard de Chardin

Moving Forward.......Sort of

2010-05-26T16:09:00.002-04:00

Summer is just about here, knocking on my door, reminding me that 2010 is well underway and almost at the halfway mark which sends me into a mild panic.
I'm trying to push my way along, working, hoping, praying my plans will become real and then I get reminders to slow down, be more patient. How much more patience do I need when challenge after challenge literally shoves its presence into my life. I say enough already. Help me to see the path. There is so much energy around me. It feels electric but I'm stuck, spinning my wheels while I go even deeper into the mud. Interruptions, constant interruptions. Look how much time has passed since my last entry again because I've got other writing projects on the go, a release of sorts, and a business that involves helping people to destress themselves. For some reluctantly. While reading more about spirituality, searching for signs, direction, receiving some and then they stop, leaving the buildup of exhilaration to drop to the floor and shatter like glass.
Moving forward is a must!!! No more excuses!!! No more spinning wheels in the mud!!! No more feeling cornered and trapped!!! From now on each step forward is a step to new possibilities....a new life.

QUOTE

2010-04-28T16:52:00.001-04:00

When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracles is wrought in our life, or in the life of another -- Helen Keller

Feast or Famine

2010-04-28T16:39:00.003-04:00

Do you ever notice sometimes that life is a roller coaster of feast or famine moments? That's my life right now. It's at a high point for a feast, well sort of, especially on the weekends. My different interests are suddenly happening all at once almost clashing or is it colliding. Either way it's a challenge.

I'm finding motherhood can be an obstacle when other things I feel passionate about conflict in schedule. I know there are some women who would jump all over me for saying such a thing but I know there are other women who can relate completely. I know because I watched a couple of episodes on Oprah on this exact topic.

Back to the point .... there are so many things I would love to get a lot more involved in but at the moment I am unable to because my children need me. I get told I have plenty of time in the future for all those things I'm interested in but do I? I learned a decade ago with my husband's passing that life is too short and to seize the moment. So who says I'm even granted another day, week, or year. That's my dilemma especially since any outside interests of mine are met with friction and guilt trips. That story is saved for another day, another entry. But right now, I can only take a deep breath and accept for the moment whatever interest I am allowed to take part in and hope it will change in the more recent future.

QUOTE

2010-04-15T18:41:00.001-04:00

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison

Distraction.....

2010-04-15T18:23:00.003-04:00

Distraction is a simple word but can be a flashing neon sign in front of me following me around for the past four to six weeks and a ditch leading to the rut of procrastination. The thought seems odd since Spring has arrived and normally Spring brings rejuvenation, new ideas, fresh new beginnings. But it doesn't matter .... completely. There's always something; children, housework, spouse, etc. needing neverending attention. Housework can wait, I've done it in the past but only for so long. Children need attention, that's a given but sometimes they are so involved in playing they forget about me for a few minutes. Those few minutes are seized to slip a bit of writing, reading, thinking .....me time in. I tape all my favourite prime time television programs so I won't miss any but I need to find time to watch them since eventually I run out of tapes (modern technology only goes so far with me, I'm not into downloading every bloody thing in creation onto my computer). I'm finding out how much a spouse can actually be like having a third child without the labour pains. Making a mess equal to the children's without any attempt to clean it up. OH BROTHER!!

So procrastination slithered back into control and I allowed it, almost welcoming it. That's why my entries have been stagnant. I've been focusing more on my other writing endeavours in my scraps of spare time. There are other interests...... passions I want to focus on as well. I need to get back on track. Especially when the exercising did get forgotten. It's been on my mind A LOT the past few days so I need to give myself that nudge to do it again. It's so easy to get caught up in the rest of the chaos called life. But the constant reminder to keep life in balance is needed ..... it's mandatory.

I am mandatory.

QUOTE

2010-03-24T19:15:00.002-04:00

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. -- Phyllis Bottome

QUOTE

2010-03-24T19:14:00.001-04:00

Those who love deeply never grow old - they may die of old age, but they die young. -- A.W. Pinero

Ahhhhhh...Motherhood

2010-03-24T18:05:00.002-04:00

Ahhhhh....the not so joys of motherhood. A lot of days can be interesting....loud... messy.....and no matter how many times I take a deep breath the day continues to escalate until I hover on the fragile ledge of 'losing it', praying on my knees for those moments where the children are finally....officially asleep and relaxation surrounds me like my favourite blanket, allowing me to read a few pages from the current novel. It might sound overly dramatic but when I'm in the middle of it, that's exactly how I feel.

Don't get me wrong, I love my boys especially when they play together, talk brotherly talk and laugh but then I hear the screaming banshee cry like a referee signalling the beginning of the fight. Or the argument that ignites over who gets to push the wheelchair access buttons first at the bank or doctor's office buildings. Or the argument that ensues over who is getting dried off first after a bath. Or fighting over the same toy when they both possess the exact same toy.

Deep breath, just keep inhaling.....exhaling......inhaling......exhaling.

As you can see and read, I haven't added an entry in nearly two weeks. I find it a little bit depressing not being able to air out my viewpoint or put pen to page especially in that many days.

My excuse is allowing myself to get caught up in the rolling waves of life. I hate when I get swallowed up on the roller coaster. Amidst the rush of the day I do try to pay attention for signs or messages from the Universe.

A few signs came each day for close to a week, now though I'm experiencing that stifled, wheels spinning in a rut feeling again. Those are the moments I could do without.

Things seem to be moving forward slowly but moving forward just the same and then it stops. No more messages.....synchronicity. And then I feel forgotten..... unimportant......alone. Kind of like in the 'Footprints' poem. Even though I know that's crazy. I'm never alone. I keep trying to take tiny steps forward but since the messages stopped I wonder if I'm moving in the wrong direction. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Exercising is thisclose to being forgotten. When I'm exhausted the last thing I want to do is exercise. I don't want to listen to anybody tell me it will help. I'm too tired to hear you most days.

One thing that does help is writing and I certainly am missing it when my schedule doesn't allow it. There are days where there is calm until I sit down and gather my thoughts together and the screaming banshee announces the beginning of round one or my husband suddenly remembers who I am.

I keep telling myself...... Stay Focused. I need to stay focused despite the never ending distractions involved in my life. But the pep talk doesn't always work. Until the days, like today, when one of my sons is in school and my other son is down for a nap like now.

Seize the moment ...... to write and add this entry.

(This entry was finally typed 3 hours later than originally written because of said interruptions)

QUOTE

2010-03-11T15:34:00.000-05:00

You have to make friends with the truth whether you like it or not - Jean Lynch

Sleep .... A Simple Luxury Lost

2010-03-11T15:23:00.002-05:00

My brain is in such a fog. No doubt from the lack of sleep last night. I pray and beg for my youngest son to sleep peacefully through the night. I could count on both hands the number of times he has slept through the night. Hmmmmmmmm... about 10-12 times in the last 28 months. He has some pretty wild dreams, talking in his sleep almost continuously.

My whole family talks in their sleep!!!!

My husband is quick to point out that I elegantly grind my teeth. I always respond "yes, because I'm stressed from not getting any sleep from the rest of you waking me up." I think that's a legitimate excuse.

I can't help it. I miss my sleep. Boy, do I miss my sleep. I never had a problem with my first son. He pretty much slept through the night right from the beginning. Talk about a blessing. But now I seem to be paying for it.

So I'm missing out on a lot of dreams which I mentioned before is where I get a lot of my messages from the Universe.

Even right now, I'm waiting with little expectation for him to finally relax enough to fall asleep but he's chattering away to himself, not taking a break. As for myself, I'm writing this down, instead of laying my own head on a pillow. What's the point in the long run if he's not going to sleep. There's no point in me even attempting to relax.

While I'm stuck outside the land of Nod with double doses of caffeine which don't seem to be working. I pray, once again, for a good night's sleep tonight.

Corey Haim

2010-03-11T15:20:00.002-05:00

It saddened me when I heard the news of Corey Haim's passing. I loved his movies and still do especially "The Lost Boys". He was trying so hard to get back on track by Hollywood's standards I think. I hope now he's at peace.

QUOTE

2010-03-07T14:25:00.001-05:00

Our first and last love is - self-love. -- Bovee