Krokodil-dil-dil

Visiting the Doctor

2023-03-22T17:03:00.000-04:00

Gwen is visiting for spring break, and during lunch is trying to help Mom convince younger brother Max to get braces.

Max: I don't want them, they're going to hurt, I don't need them.

Gwen: No, Max, I had braces, they don't hurt and you do need them. The sooner you get them over with the better.

Mom: Speaking of which, Gwen, we need to make you an appointment with your doctor.

Gwen: I don't want to, it's going to hurt, I don't need it!

Burger discrimination

2023-01-20T18:39:00.004-05:00

Gwen comes home excited after an evening on the town with her peers.

Gwen: You'll never guess where we went! We were really hungry and wanted to get a burger, and every place was full or closed, except for one. Go on, guess.

Parents try to guess, wrong.

Gwen: Hooters! Every restaurant except Hooters was full, so we went there. But the waitress gave us horrible service. I didn't even tip. All the girls agreed. Only the boy we had along thought it was still worth tipping.

George: I'm shocked, shocked, that only the boy appreciated the service at Hooters, and the girls didn't.

Gwen: No, it's not like that! The service was really terrible, it took almost an hour and our food was cold when we got it.

Parents: Were there other customers in the restaurant?

Gwen: Yes, it was about half full.

George: Were the other customers also mostly female college students?

Gwen: No, they were mostly adult men.

George: I'm, shocked, shocked that the Hooters waitress paid more attention to the tables with adult men than to the table with mostly college age women.

Gwen: No, it's not like that!

Parking

2023-01-20T18:13:00.002-05:00

George comes out to try to drive our car, and is surprised to find that he can't. After a few attempts, and some deductive work, he comes back to talk to Gwen.

George: Gwen, did you drive the car a short while ago?

Gwen: Yes...?

George: Did you park it rather close to the driver's side wall of the driveway?

Gwen: Oops!

George: How did you even get out?

Gwen: Through the passenger side! Is that a problem?

George: No, it's OK, I'll do that...

Parents are inadequate at shopping

2023-01-08T15:58:00.004-05:00

Gwen is home from college and helping unpack groceries.

Gwen: You didn't buy any actual food. You just bought fruit and meat and vegetables!

Stocking the back yard with prey

2022-09-01T14:20:00.001-04:00

Gwen: Spencer (our cat) looks so lonely in the backyard. We should get him some animals to chase and kill.

George: What kind of animals?

Gwen: We should buy him a box of chickens or something.

The Unpaid Consultant

2022-08-07T22:11:00.006-04:00

Aunt Ksenia tells this story of Gwen in first grade.

Gwen: I know what Dad does at his job and what Mom does at hers. Aunt Ksenia, what do you do?

Ksenia: I'm a consultant. I give people advice, for money.

Gwen runs off: Mom, mom! I've been giving people advice at school all year and no one has been paying me!

On the need to say funny things

2022-06-22T11:18:00.002-04:00

The family is having dinner at home.

George: Gwen, I resurrected the blog about you as you wanted, but you need to say funny things if you want me to add to it.

Gwen: OK, I will try to say funny things.

Alexandra: This exchange, you should put this exchange in the blog.

George: Why? There is nothing funny about this, it's just a statement of fact.

The cat has turned mean

2022-06-07T19:08:00.003-04:00

Gwyneth is back from college for the summer.

Gwen: This cat has turned mean since I was gone.

George: I haven't noticed that, she's pretty calm.

Gwen: Look, I'll prove it.

Gwyneth hisses at the cat. The cat looks at her warily.

She wiggles her fingers at the cat, aggressively. The cat looks at her even more warily.

Gwyneth hisses and wiggles her fingers at the cat. The cat has had enough and hisses back.

Gwen: See! She's mean!

Driving expectations

2022-05-02T11:50:00.002-04:00

Gwyneth had recently gotten her driver's license, and is driving on her own, until one night she calls us to pick her up. George is discussing the incident.

George: Getting a flat tire happens - I've gotten many flat tires over the years. Having a hole means they usually go flat gradually, but do occasionally blow out more suddenly. But having two tires blow out at once is impressive, that's never happened to me.

Gwyneth: I try to exceed expectations.

Becoming a surgeon

2022-04-27T13:08:00.004-04:00

Gwyneth is off to college and wants to become a surgeon. We're very proud, but grandfather wants to dissuade her.

Grandfather: If you become a surgeon, you'll have to cut people open, you'll be up to your elbows in blood every day. You'll have a lot of stress.

Gwyneth: Oh no, I'm fine with that. In fact, it will be relaxing. If I had a hard day, I'll be able to come to work and stab people. It will relieve all my stress.

George looks frightened.

Gwyneth, seeing George look frightened: Well, you know. To make them better. Stab them to make them better.

The cute boy

2022-04-27T13:03:00.003-04:00

Gwyneth, as a teenager, and George, are walking in a campground by a pond. We see a large Indian family on the beach, parents and maybe five children, mostly boys from the ages of 2 to 18, in swimsuits.

Gwyneth: Wow, what a cute boy!

George looks: Yes, that two-year-old is adorable.

Gwyneth, frowning: No, Papa. That was not the one I meant.

Continuing adventures

2022-04-27T12:57:00.004-04:00

Gwyneth, now mostly grown up, found this blog!

Gwyneth: This is so cool! I didn't realize you were writing down the things I said and did. But why does it end in 2014, why did you stop writing about me?

George: Well, we though you might not want us to write about you any more now that you're grown up, you might be embarrassed. Also, now that you're mostly grown up you don't say so many cute things.

Gwyneth: No, please, write more. I will try to say more cute things, I promise!

A day in a life

2014-03-29T22:52:00.000-04:00

A relatively typical Saturday for my daughter:

1. the day started off with finishing math homework for tomorrows class, than
2. we rushed off for Gwenchik's tae kwon do belt testing (she broke the board and got her red with black stripe belt!!!)
3. snacks in the car on the way to volleyball practice (volleyball camp she started a few weeks ago)
4. Brandies Univ for the Russian folklore concert "Kostroma"
5. friends and food at Panera
6. and finally bed

Not bad for a 10 year old, and she wants every day like that!!!

All grown up birthday surprise

2014-03-28T22:44:00.000-04:00

My now 10 year old daughter woke up at 5:30 am in the morning to clean up the house before rushing off to school for my birthday!!!! On her own, without any prodding or suggestions from me -- it was a total awesome surprise. Now she is all grow up.

Robert Frost

2013-11-30T11:16:00.001-05:00

Gwyneth is trying to impress her uncle.
"...and do you know Robert Frost? He was a complete idiot. He wrote this poem called 'The Road Not Taken', about how he came to this fork in the road, and one way was nice and wide and clean, and the other one was all dark and narrow and with tigers and bears and things, and how proud he was that he took that one. Idiot!"

Allowance

2013-08-21T14:56:00.002-04:00

Gwen: Once I get enough money I can buy my own Nexus, right?
Me: Yes, and in a couple of years we will start giving you allowance.
Gwen: Why?
Me: So that you can buy some of the things you want.
Gwen: In a couple of years I will be 12 already and will be able to walk around on my own and then I could cat sit and earn money that way, I will not need an allowance!
....
Such mature talk from my almost 10 year old.

Advantages of being male

2013-06-14T08:04:00.002-04:00

From George
We're sorting clothes.
Gwen: Mom, what's this?
Mom: That's a top with a built in shelf bra.
Gwen: How useless!
Mom: Some day it will be very useful to you.
Gwen: Dad,you're so lucky to be a man. You will never have to wear a bra.
George: That's something to write down in the blog.
Gwen: What? That's not funny, it's just true.

European lady

2013-06-04T15:06:00.000-04:00

Gwenchik is trying on European clothes that a friends of mine passed along
Gwen: Wow, I really look like a European woman now
Me: Do you like that?
Gwen: Well, now I will be cooking, riding horses and marry young...

Where did she get that notion???

No Tooth fairy

2013-04-30T16:04:00.000-04:00

Gwen: I know, for sure that there is no Tooth Fairy!
Me: How can you be so sure?
Gwen: When my tooth fell, I put it under the pillow and didn't tell you -- and there was nothing even after several days!
Me: Well, did you put into a plastic bag? Did you write a letter?
Gwen: Yes I did and mailed it to her.
Me: Where?
Gwen: I will not tell you, but I dropped it in a box -- and there was still NOTHING. There is NO Tooth fairy.

Do not want to grow up

2013-02-10T20:45:00.001-05:00

We had Gwenchik's friend Jenny over (she is two years older)
Gwen: I do not want to grow up.
Me: Why?
Gwen: Jenny said that when you grow up everyone expects a lot more from you. I am not ready...

Cute brother

2013-02-09T16:43:00.001-05:00

Gwen: We have the cutest baby! (brother Max)
Me: Of course he is.
Gwen: No, I do not like babies -- they are loud and demanding, but our Max is really cute and always smiling. And I say that not because I am his sister, really!

Boyfriend dilemma

2013-01-28T16:54:00.001-05:00

Lately Gwenchik has been very popular in her school and quite a few boys are inviting her over for "playdates". On the way back from one of these...
Gwen: I had such a weird playdate today.
Me: In what way?
Gwen: Can you believe it, L. asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasn't sure what to say, so I sort of ignored him.
Me: Did that work?
Gwen: No, not only that, he started to hug me. So finally I told him that I am only 9 years old and I am too young for this!!!! And I like someone else more anyways to tell you the truth.
Me: Good for you.

Indecision

2013-01-14T21:05:00.001-05:00

Gwyneth decided to spend her own money (from lemonade stands and presents) to get an ipod nano.
Me: So which color do you want?
Gwen: Which one do you like purple or red?
Me: Red, I think.
Gwen: I want red and I want purple....ahhhh, I can't decide.
......
5 hours later
Gwen: I want red and I want purple....ahhhh, I can't decide.
So we finally agreed that I will buy the color that I think would be best for her!!!

Familiarity breeds boredom

2013-01-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

George was picking up Gwenchik from Tae Kwon Do and one of her teammate asked:
Teammate: Is this your uncle?
Gwen: Oh no, this is my father. My uncles are much more fun.
....
Then she saw that Dad heard that and corrected herself
Gwen: No, no. I meant that my uncles look to be more interesting, but in reality you are fun as well.

Is there Santa 2

2012-12-20T16:03:00.000-05:00

Gwen: Where do you mail Santa's letter? If I write in Russian ( our Santa is ded Moroz and he brings presents on the 1st of the year) how will the American mail man figure out where to send it?
Me: When you send letters to Russian you write the entire address in Russian and just and "Russia" in English.
Gwen: True. and that seems to work. So do I just ad "North Pole"? Is there a number on his mailbox?
Me: I suspect that he is the ONLY one who lives there, so no mailbox number.
Gwen: What about the elves?