L²'s Point of View

Pet Peeve #146

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 04:43:00 +0000

There are few things in this world that tweak my tweakers more than a supposed friend that I never ever hear from...until they want something from me or need my skill set to address something in their life.

I mean, really?!? Do they think me so hard up for friends that this kind of BS would just fly under the radar?!

That said, if it is a friend that suddenly has a need I can help with, no worries, I am so happy to help! However, if it becomes a pattern or worse yet, they are unresponsive to attempts to communicate until THEY have a need, then just k ow that the radar is going to be set off and the BS-meter engaged.

Rant over.

Sad Times With Happy Memories

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 22:28:00 +0000

It is hard to believe that it has been 8 years ago that we brought Ruthie home and into our lives. Her first 5-6 years of life had been hard. As we understood it from the first owners, she had been intended to be a companion for his aging mother, but her life at that point had culminated into an existence of being chained in a back yard, subject to the elements, little care and little affection.

She had lived outside, no grooming to speak of and this resulted in her fur becoming matted to the point of resembling armor plating, hanging all over her body. Shaving her free of that mess took 20 pounds of horror off her body and I would love to think that the last 8 years have been happy ones for her.

Tomorrow I will be taking her to the vet for the last time and I am so incredibly sad.

The Closed Door

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 04:31:00 +0000

I am thick...but eventually, like rain water making its way through the mountain to join the underground aquifer, I come to understand what a less dense person might grasp sooner.

The door is closed and I cannot make it open.

I Miss...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 04:52:00 +0000

...talking to you
...hearing you laugh
...seeing your smile
...us telling each other about our days
...sharing your tough times
...your comfort during mine
...your arms holding me
...our lips touching
...the scent of your hair
...the glimmer in your eyes
...you

My heart and life are better for having had you in them.

And now it's time to sleep...

Less Scary, More Memories

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 11:11:00 +0000

Well it is here again...every year that passes makes it a little easier as they also stack another years worth if memories onto the mantle that is the memory of her passing.

Happy birthday Mom...it is hard to believe it had been so long since you left, but in other ways, it seems like so long ago as well.

The kids still remember, well sometimes *smiles*, but I know Val, Rob, and I always will. So another year and life is a little less scary with you gone, but the added memories just make it better.

Love always, Lynn.

It Has Been Too Long

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 13:53:00 +0000

Funny how the pendulum swings. If someone had told me that it had been a year...more than a year since my last post I would have thought, "No way!" I found myself thinking about the blog this morning and how I needed to return to it so I can get outside what I am feeling inside.

How do I feel...

Sad, afraid, discouraged, hopeless, embarrassed, I am sure there are more, but there is the primary demons. I am is no much pain and I feel like there is no end in sight. After getting the last kiddo out the door for school, I have spent more than an hour this morning crying my eyes out in despair wondering what I am going to do. I am 53 and I hurt so much and it just gets worse every year. I try so hard not to be a burden to my family and yet I think of myself as a terrible dad and a lousy husband because I am so debilitated by the constant pain I am enduring.

Compound that by my fears of losing my job because I feel like I am not doing enough...which isn't true, but fear is a tremendous magnifying glass and makes everything look ginormous. I just feel so alone with all this. I have dear friends, but they have all their worries and life issues. Family issues and struggles they have to face...I try to encourage them, to let them know how much they mean to me and what great parents they are and I mean every word. But then I look back at myself and I feel like such a failure.

Forty more year of this? Really?

All that said, I know I must persevere...my family...I cannot quit and give up. I just feel so alone.

It Is But A Word...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 02:42:00 +0000

It is but a word...and yet it means more the all the books of the world. People live for it, some have died for it. Many dream of it and those lucky enough get to experience it. It's utterance can move the greatest of mountains, cross the vastest sea, make the weak strong, and the strong as though invincible.

It is but a word...but has the power of a screaming freight train. It can caress with the gentleness of a feather, or crush with the force of a sledge hammer. When spoken, it lights the room in shimmering hues, when thought of, it brings light to the heart.

Oh, how I hunger for the sustenance of it's feast, to drink deep the wine of it meaning and be intoxicated by the one from whom it flows. To bask in the sunshine of it's radiance, so warmed by it's truth that I'm at peace to my core.

But when it is gone, oh how sharp is that blade! Cutting and slicing with such unconcerned strokes. A hunger never satisfied, for once tasted all pale in compare, and thirst, like the dust of the desert, cakes the once thrumming heart.

Love...it is but a word...

Disappearing Act...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 01:32:00 +0000

For those of you who follow this blog and are also my 'friend' on Facebook, you may have noticed my absence...as in, "hey, where did Lynn go...did he un-friend me?" absence. The answer is, no, I did not un-friend you, I deactivated my account for a while as I attempt to deal with some internal Lynn issues. Hence some of the posts of late here.

I use this blog as a way of sounding out where I am and what I am feeling and it helps me to find perspective as well as a vent. For those of you who have replied to me privately expressing your concern and camaraderie, I thank you and appreciate you greatly. For those of you who are now saying to yourself, "You aren't on Facebook? I didn't notice..." Rest assured, I noticed.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled activities...

We Are The Ones Laying The Track...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 13:01:00 +0000

Recently I shared some thoughts with a person who I have counted as a friend. I say that in the way I said it because it is what it is and if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and leaves you down, then it's a duck! Anyway, I digress...so I shared some thoughts and I expressed that in some aspects of my life I thought that perhaps I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Their response was that of the proverbial warning, "...it might be the light of an oncoming train...", to which I replied that sometimes trains can take you to good places too.

I have thought a lot about this in recent days. See, I have been feeling a bit down of late. Partly because my pain level has for some reason, been off the scale, partly because of other things in my life, and partly because of recent events where I have lost a friend and felt equal parts powerless to have stopped it and wondering if there was anything I should have done that might have prevented it. Regardless of the of the 'would of, could of, should of' factors, I have been quite sad...not depressed...but perhaps discouraged is a better description. Discouraged from within and also from without.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah...trains...light...tunnels...thoughts...so it struck me interesting that today, the birthday of one Oliver Wendell Holmes, I should be assuaged (in both meanings of the word) by some of his sage wisdom. To list but a few:

"Consciously or unconsciously we all strive to make the kind of a world we like."

"The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions."

"It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living."

Each of these struck a chord within me and set me to thinking again about the oncoming train analogy, but with the added thought that, even if there is an "oncoming train", are we not the ones laying the track that determines where and how said train will impact our lives?

Ok, granted, there are always going to be events and issues that are beyond our control. That said, I think that way too often we make decisions and choices that set our lives on a particular course, then we turn around, look at the aftermath of those decisions and choices and blame it on some uncontrollable engine of fate. True, we cannot change the past, but we can change the course of our future.

Yes, we do have to live 'one day at a time', but if in that day by day life we lay tracks away from a possible destination, do we really have anyone to blame for the end result but ourselves? All I can do is all I can do, but what you do is on you. So, I will continue to feel what I feel and think what I think and want what I want with the hopes that my train will arrive at the station of my dreams. If I end up there alone, then at least I will have arrived there by choice and not by the lack thereof.

What "world" are you striving for? What "exceptions" are you willing to make? What makes your life "worth living"? Great questions...but remember, we are the ones laying track, so let's go together.

The Abyss...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 14:37:00 +0000

I know it is nothing unique or new...in fact I am sure that most of us experience it more often in our lives than we care to recount, but sometimes it seems so unique and so intense as to make one think it is a new and undiscovered emotion.

It is so intense than your chest aches and it feels as if every fiber of your body it drawn tight at once. As if
to pull you into a ball so small that perhaps you would evade it's waves of invasion. Your hands seek some kind of comfort...something, someone...to make it lessen the oppressiveness of it's deadening blanket.

To call it sadness would be like calling the ocean a wet spot on the world...it goes so far beyond mere sadness...it is a sorrow so deep that it threatens to devour you from the very core of your being. It seems so dark, yet it is not malevolent...it simply is what it is...an emotion that needs.

It comes from missing what you cannot have...from having what you do not want...from the seeing that you have failed and because of that, others have been let down...from the realization of chances missed and roads stretching behind that could have been. If I pretend it is not there, I merely enrage it so as to make the cloud a thunderstorm. It has to be faced, embraced, acknowledged and expressed, otherwise it will kill from the inside out.

If only tears were enough...

On The Porch With The Pup...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 14:18:00 +0000

I love mornings like this morning! Cool, crisp, and vibrant...not that it started that way. No, it started warm and snuggled in my bed, dreaming about things I love to dream about...then comes the [poke poke] in the back...and the sounds of paws pushing at the crate door. Then I hear the voice attached to the [pokes] saying, "I think she needs to go out..."

Now, just being honest, my first thought was....well, I can't say what they were but suffice to say I was less than excited about getting up at that point. Hindsight though, I am glad I did.

Snickers and I went out, the sun just coming up over the rooftops to the east, and after she completed her "business" we sat on the porch and just relaxed...me with my coffee, her with her ever present curiosity.

Beautiful!

I Have Held The Rose

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 15:10:00 +0000

In life's garden where flowers abound,
Where the scent of that bouquet brings fragrant light,
There grows a flower that defies compare.

It's downy petals, so beautiful and full,
Soft to the hand, yet firm to the lips,
Destined to be cherished and deserving of love.

The breath of it's aroma, so rich and alluring,
Is to be nestled in a blanket of velvety warmth.
Feel it's comfort and be wrapped in it's beauty everlasting.

I have held the rose...for this, I am forever grateful.

I Lost A Friend...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 04:44:00 +0000

It is so hard to process...like trying to solve a critical equation without all the variables...I keep thinking there must be some answer...something that will make it make sense, but none is there...

How can I make sense of this? How can I make it fit into a box that I can deal with? But the truth is, when this happens to someone you know, there is no fitting it into a box or any way of truly grasping what they thought or felt or valued...it is the open wound that refuses to heal, the pain that can not be managed, the hurting scream that cannot be squelched.

I have lost a friend, or was it I who got lost and forgot to be your friend? A wise man told me, "Never underestimate the impact of a caring friend and the words they may speak." I didn't know how much pain you were in my friend...I didn't see where you were and how it was hurting you. There is a part of me that wonders if I could have done more...I am filled with such overwhelming sadness and it has no vent.

You will be missed...you will be morned...you will be thought of...you will be cried over...but most of all you will be remembered. Not for the events that were the end of your life, but for the person who was kind, gentle, caring, giving, mentoring, loving, passionate, determined, brilliant, and, most of all, a friend.

To say that I have been impacted by this is an understatement of epic proportions. I could never and would never be so presumptuous as to propose that I understand what was behind the action you felt you must take. I understand what it is to feel trapped and feel like there is no way out. I even know how it feels to believe you may have found the way out only to have the door shut in my face...the sadness and the dispare that comes from dreams shattered and hopes reduced to resignation.

I know how hard it has been for me to endure since then. To wear the face of optimism even as dispare screams it's primal rage from within. I know what it is to endure the constant barrage of pain and gut wrenching agony of physical distress, while wanting to still be a help to others.

I also know the loss, that overwhelming sense of aloneness, when those who you call friends fade from your life and leave you behind...but none of these helped me help you.

...I've lost a friend...farewell Bryan.

Contrails of Life

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 00:40:00 +0000

I love going out for a nice evening walk when it is cold and the skies are clear. I heard that familiar distant rumble that told me that there would be lines in the sky to be found. Looking up I saw the glint of the hurdling craft...beautiful white lines trailing from behind. At first fine and tight, but as they are left behind they begin to billow and fade...the source of their original fire having moved on.

Born from the condensing moisture brought to life withing the fiery energy of the jet engine, the contrail, in all it's beauty, is but a reminder of the heat and life that has since departed.

We all have contrails in our lives...billowy reminders of those things that have at one time burned with such heat and passion, only to see them either burn out or move on without us.

Whether it is a personal goal or relationships past and present, contrails are always there. How do we avoid the contrails of life? We can stay up with the source of that fire...hang on tight and never let go.

I have such goals and plans for this year...and as much as I love contrails in the sky, I hope to have few in my life this year...

Memories That Yet Live On...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:51:00 +0000

It was 81 years ago today, that my mom was born in Houston Texas. It truly is amazing to think of all the incredible things that she saw happen in her lifetime. Born at the beginning of what would be known as the "Great Depression", she saw things happen that in hindsight would boggle the mind.

She was a great mom in every way. She never lost faith in us kids, even when our actions were such that any sane person would have, she just kept on giving. I think she was my life example of always finding the silver lining no matter the situation.

From the time I can remember coherent thoughts, I have always remembered her as the epitome of a hard working woman. I still do not know how she did all she did.

I sometimes wonder how much she liked or disliked having a birthday on Halloween...an eventful day throughout her years.

She always seemed to have a smile and something good to say about everyone. I miss her terribly. When she passed on January 1, 2008, New Years changed forever.

Miss you mom...

Things Change...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 00:06:00 +0000

...that which was warm, turns cool and then cold...
...what was near, slips more out of reach...
...that which brought comfort, now brings only pain...
...that which could be spoken, is now forbidden...
...words once welcomed, are now ignored...
...the hand once held, now shunned and disdained...
...the caress that brought joy, now pushes away...
...the melody that once lifted, is replaced by deafening silence...

...things change.

...dark clouds, give way to the light...
...that which caused sadness, replaced by contentment...
...the anchor of discouragement, now discarded for the wings of inspiration...
...loneliness, capsized by companionship...
...a heart once broken, begins to heal...
...an ending, brings a new beginning...

...things change.

Sometimes I Just Get Tired...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 16:43:00 +0000

We all have things in our lives that drive us forward. Sometimes it is our career goals or perhaps it is an inner desire for something that we pursue, but what ever it is, it keeps us motivated...keeps us pressing forward, even when at times the goal or things we desire seems to be slipping away.

I feel that way sometimes with various parts of my life. Whether it is the goal to get in better shape or things I want to improve in, or the far away desires of my heart...I have times where I look at these and I feel that, though I may have thought them attainable, maybe I was just deceiving myself and I begin to lose heart...when the desire within is met with indifference or apathy from outside or there is a feeling of striving alone, it is hard to keep going.

It's a roller coaster ride, I understand that about life, and it is up to you to make sure the "lock bar" is in the down and locked position...I don't know...is it? Sometimes friends can boost that sagging morale and remind you of why and what you are doing...but then there are times when the goal, or that which you desire, seems so far away from you and you wonder, why am I trying so hard..does it really matter?

When you see that which you care so dearly about drifting away and seemingly unaware, it is like having your heart ripped out and discarded without thought. Then comes the despair and the sadness when you look at what you have been doing and begin to feel that it was all for nothing...a colossal failure at which you are the focal point. At this point you feel like any effort to keep moving is futile and the darkness looms like a black hole sucking the very life from you and you wonder to yourself whether to fight against it's pull or not.

Tennyson once wrote, 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', but sometimes I wonder about that. Love lost leaves scars and at times gaping wounds that never seem to heal. This is all the more true when that wound if constantly being reopened by hope of what seems to be possible and yet at the same time you wonder if it were ever there at all. How could love be love if that love can be switched off at will? I speak of love as love, but it is more than love that can make us feel this way and so it is with me.

I have been fighting for somethings in my life, some seem like battles that may never be won, but constantly fought...others that seem like battles that I am gradually losing...and still others where I feel like I am winning (but am I, or is that just a mirage of self disillusion?). All I know is this, I do not quit. I keep going...I find the silver lining...I see the minuscule crack of hope in the armor of distance and guardedness...so I hope and I stay the course in the hopes that one day it will be reality.

As an amazing friend of mine recently reminded me, facing the full brunt of how you feel...expressing it and not holding it back...this is not a "pity party", it is being real, it is being honest...true, the honesty and reality can put some off and make them shy away from you, but ask yourself this, are those the ones who will help catch you when you fall or are they the ones who stand back and watch?

So, what is all this blah blah about, you ask? (or perhaps you don't ask and I then say, "Ha ha to you! I made you read this whole thing!") It's about love, it's about pain, it's about goals to obtain, it's about fear, it's about courage...in short it's about life. Yes, sometimes I just get tired...tired of the pain I live with everyday...tired of the longings whose fulfillment seems so far away...tired...just tired...but I do not give up and so I pick myself up each day...place one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward...towards what ever life my bring my way.

Two Ends of The Same Dog...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 23:09:00 +0000

Two fleas are sitting on a dog arguing with each other, one on the head and one at the tail. The one at the head begins a long tirade of how if it were not for his end of the dog they would be wandering aimlessly and would be hungry and thirsty. The other flea patiently listened as the other pressed his points home over and over...finally the flea on the head challenged, "Don't you have anything to say?!" To which the flea at the tale simply responded, "Well, all I can say is that if it were not for my end, you would be totally full of crap." Reality and imagination are much the same as these two fleas. Which is which end? Either can be either, but without both we will either be full of crap, or full of ourselves...just a passing thought...

We All Swim Alone...Until we Don't

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:53:00 +0000

There's a dream I have every so often...well, a couple really...one is that I am diving head first into a pool of water and as I break the surface, reaching as deep as my waist, I suddenly stop. Suspended half in and half out with my head below the surface, quickly realizing I will run out of air and unable to move, I begin to panic. This is often when I wake up. The problem with that particular dream is that when I have it, it usually repeats every time I return to sleep and has at times persisted for days. Needless to say, it is NOT one of my favorites.

But I have another dream that comes and goes every so often that also involves the water...this one is a bit more subtle and not one I panic in or about. I am in the ocean...I assume it is the ocean...water stretches for as far as the eye can see in all direction. I am treading water as I rise and fall amidst the swells, alternating my view from walls of water around me to views of majestic beauty as I crest each swell.

There is nobody to be seen in any direction and I find myself thinking about how I got there and where should I swim since I have no idea where the shore is. So I set off in a random direction and swim casually knowing I may need to do so for quite some time. My mind, in the dream that is, is racing...trying to understand, "...why I am here?" and, "...why I am alone?", and, "...why did I deserve this?"...as if wondering would somehow change my predicament.

I perceive time passing rapidly and then find myself swimming at night with the moon overhead. The swells subside and I can see for quite a distance. Way off on the horizon I can see a boat...and it is coming towards me! I begin to feel anticipation and excitement as it approaches followed by a sense of relief and the release of hidden fear as they pull up beside me. As my would-be rescuers look over the side with eyes filled with compassion and encouragement, I see also a hint of remorse and regret. "Help me up...", I would cry, but they would slowly shake their head and say, "We can't help you, this is your ocean and only you can swim in it."

Most of the time, this is where I wake and I find myself awash with anger and relief, but there are other times when the dream would continue and as the boat would pull away, one of the people would jump in and swim to me saying, "To hell with the rules, I will swim with you."

I guess in many ways we all have our own oceans we are swimming in, I know I have mine. Funny how we sometimes find those willing to swim with us and at other times we find them in the safety of their little boats, unwilling to be by our sides. But isn't that just the way life is? We live and love, sometimes it stays strong and sometimes it wains. Sometimes we have people by our sides, then other times we have to fight the swells alone.

I don't claim to understand it all, or even most of it...whatever "it" may be...but I know that for me, as far as it depends on me...I will always choose to be in that water...whether it is fighting the swells of my own life battles, or by the side of those I love as they fight theirs...well, as long as they will let me be there that is. As I see it, it is a choice. We choose to fight or we choose to flee. Those that are in the water and those that choose to swim by their sides are not "better" than those who remain in the boat, but they are no longer alone...and sometimes, that is all we can really hope for.

An Apology to All My Loyal Readers...Both of you

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 02:46:00 +0000

For those of you who have wanted to comment on my recent posts only to be frustrated due to a lack of an option to do so, I must sincerely apologize. I am uncertain if the removal of the comment field is due to my error or due to the changes pushed forth by Blogspot/Blogger, but either way, it has now been corrected.

Thanks for all of your previous comments, but I fear they have been lost...and so now, we start again.

Follow Your Own Path…

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 02:36:00 +0000

Ok, just a warning up front, this is not a pretty blog post, but it is how I feel. I am no saint…big surprise, huh? But one thing I do try to do is to be honest. Sometimes that honesty is questioned, sometimes it is ridiculed, sometimes it is mocked, and sometimes, though not as often, it is recognized and appreciated.

But honesty does not equal “right” and I have been honestly “wrong” many times and I have no doubt I will be so many more times during my remaining years on this planet. The good thing is, I have plenty of people I count as friends who are more than willing to step up to poke me in the eye when I am wrong…honestly or not…and I appreciate them more than maybe I show them in the midst of their “pointing out” of my wrongness.

I have been called, at times, a “people pleaser”, sometimes by those I care about and care about what they think of me, and at times by those that thought I ought to cared about what they thought of me. But the truth is, maybe both have been right at times, I don’t know, but I do know this, I am wired in such a way that if you are a person who I care about, that I love, or cherish, or admire, or respect, I DO care what you think of me and what I do, say, and feel. If that is “people pleasing” then if it makes you feel better to put a label on me then do as you wish.

For me, I look at it like this, for those I care about, I want to give to them, I want them to be happy, I want them to feel loved, to feel cherished, to feel encouraged, to feel “cared about”, and I will go to great lengths to make this so. Is that “people pleasing”? If so then I guess I am guilty as charged, but it is how (AND WHO) I am and I’m not ashamed of that.

It has been an interesting last couple of weeks. Ups, downs, and sideways to say the least, but such has been my path. I have had friends that I thought I had lost that I had not, some that I thought I had made, but perhaps had not, and some that I thought I had known, but perhaps I did not. All I can do is be who I am, but that doesn’t mean I won’t change when what I am is shown to be wrong. My dad use to say, “Learn from other peoples mistakes, because you will never have enough time to make them all yourself.” I try do that, but sometimes we make mistakes and we don’t learn from them because we do not realize what the lesson is.

I have been very fortunate to have some incredible friends in my life, especially of late. Friends who have helped to open my eyes, to remove the blinders if you will and help me to see more clearly than I have in a long time. I love them for that and for much, much more and always will.

But as I said in the beginning of this stream of dribble, I am not a saint, I am far from perfect, but I am doing my best to be true to myself, if you can work with that, if you can accept me as I am and are willing to be patient with me as I change, then I look forward to our friendship and more, but if you can’t…well, then I understand if you need to move on. I will miss you even though you may not miss me.

A Fun Evening With Friends...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 20:31:00 +0000

"...Red sky at night, sailor's delight, Red sky at morning, sailors take warning..."

As a folklore saying, this one was so true last night. We were invited over to one of our friends house for an evening of hanging out, drinks, and some lounging in their new hot tub!

As we headed over I looked up and saw the most beautiful sky, so as I often do, I snapped off a pic with my phone. Red sky - check! Did we have a delightful time last night? - CHECK! It was awesome.

There is nothing like kicking back, relaxing, and enjoying the company of friends.

A Real Eye Opener!!

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 13:30:00 +0000

I have to confess, for those of you who don't know me very well, I love my morning coffee!! But thanks to my awesome neighbors, Steve & Tamara, I have been able to add one of my next favorites to my morning routine...Jalapeños!

Steve & Tamara started growing them from a special family crop that has consistently produced very fine and VERY hot peppers. Their temperature is only rivaled by one thing, their incredible taste! These are the most flavorful peppers I have had in many a year.

This morning I had a steaming cup of coffee accompanied by scrambled eggs covered in chopped Jalapeños and I was in heaven....thanks for the peppers guys, they are a real eye opener.

Too Soon And Yet Right On Time...

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 14:18:00 +0000

Well, here it is, the week that school starts back up for the kiddos! It has been an exciting Summer for them all in all. They have had many fun days at the pool, read about a million books, watched about a million hours of TV/Movies, had a nearly month long visit to see their extended family in Virginia (and some time at the beach), and birthdays for the two oldest. Yep, a ton done for sure, but it seems like, in some ways, that it just began! That school is starting too soon.

I will miss there pitter-patter (well ok, the boom-boom) of their feet above my office as they play in the house [Lynn yells, "HEY, stop running up there!"]. I will miss my youngest coming down to my office simply to give me a hug and sit on my lap to say she loves me. I may even miss them alternately coming down to rat-out one of the others fully expecting the "wrath-O-dad" to come swiftly down on the alleged perpetrator. Indeed, I will miss them a lot.

But truth told, it really is time. It is sort of like getting a nice new pair of fuzzy leather slippers...oh they feel good and your feet are in heaven as you wear them as much as you can, because they are soooo wonderful. But then after a time...the fuzzy stuff wears out under your heal...then they start getting that funky smell that even Febreze (© 2010 Procter and Gamble) cannot dispel. And then, you really do not want to wear those slippers, in fact you suddenly find that going barefoot is just fine!

So it is with the kiddos. Yes, Summer is too short (well, at least the part about them being home, don't get me started on the heat!!), but it really is time to get them back in the "learning-groove" so they can continue showing Mom and Dad how they really are smarter than us.

Cheers! =)

There Is No Tomorrow…

noreply@blogger.com (L²) — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 18:10:00 +0000

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“My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?” ~~Nickelback
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The tale of my dad and our relationship is like a tale of two separate lives. Not meaning his and mine, but rather, the one he and I had when I was a child and the one we had as I became a man.

Don’t misunderstand, I loved my dad all through our lives, but I think I grew to appreciate the kind of dad he was only after I had gained a greater perspective that only an amount of living can give. It is only after you have spent some time dodging the pitfalls and traps of life (and yes, falling into some as well) that you begin to fully realize the craftsmanship that was exerted by your dad to help make you what you are.

Vernon S. Lowrie was a kind, generous, outgoing, straight shooting friend and father. But he was also a mean SOB too. Now if you just read that and you are getting all “fired up” and red faced because of it, sorry, that’s your problem, not mine. As dad was fond of saying, “You can’t have a one ended stick” and only choosing to remember that one side of dear ol’ dad would be just as shortsighted. One thing that was true all the time though was this, what you saw was always Vernon S. Lowrie! No fillers, no fluff, no back-stabbing, he was always exactly what you saw in front of you.

Growing up with dad was easy in one sense. There was very little complication when it came to dad, he was very much like a light switch. He was either gregariously happy, or mad as a hornet. Now I am not saying that he never felt sadness or fear or embarrassment, I am merely saying that as a child, I never had to deal with those, I only had to navigate the simplicity of happy or mad.

Now there are some who would say that this was not good or whatever, but I know this, I always knew where I stood with dad, and that made things very simple. Yes, I did have to learn how to express those other emotions later in life and, yes, it did take some time to master the full range of feelings, but hey, that’s just life.

It is always easy to criticize the potter for haw he works his clay when you have never had to get your own hands dirty.

Later in life though, my relationship with dad grew in such a way that I saw the many layers of his personality. I think from about age 23 and forward, I had what I would have thought at age 10, was a completely different dad. But dad hadn’t changed, well perhaps he had in some ways, but he was still the same man he had always been, but I had much better eyes to see him with. Over the ensuing years our relationship became such that we would talk more and more, and those talks became deeper and deeper. When I fell 35ft and broke my back in 1987, it was my dad who flew out to South Carolina just to be by my side and to make sure I was ok. It is things like that and many more that remind me of what an awesome dad I truly had.

Dad was not perfect, but who of us is? I will always remember him as I do every day as the man who helped me become who I am today. To say I miss him would a grand understatement, but I still have him with me in more ways than I can count. His humor, his insights, his way of seeing things that made everything seem so much more manageable.

Happy Father’s Day dad, I love you so much and I look forward to seeing you again one day.