Chat Nights

We've decided that we're going to start hosting scheduled chat nights. While our chat rooms are always open and always accessible, it's not very often that you go into them to find other folks in there (yet, anyways). To combat this issue, we're hosting special nights that you can come in and be sure that at least one person will be there to talk.

Plus, it's a great way to connect with our members and learn something you may not have known already. Each of these chats happen once a week, on the same night and at the same time in the same place, so here's what you can expect over the next little while!

• Members Mondays - Mondays @ 8 PM
  
  If you’re a member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, join us in the General Chat every Monday at 8:00 PM MST to discuss topics that are important to our members, get first-hand updates from the administrator and put your two cents in on the progression or our site. And, just have fun getting to know our other members!

• Sex Blogger Chat - Wednesdays @ 8 PM
  
  Do you like sex? What about blogging? Do you write about sex? What about blog about it? Basically, if you blog about sex, or consider yourself to be a sex blogger, you are more than welcome to join us in the General Chat every Wednesday at 8:00 PM MST! Make connections with other sex bloggers, share advice and suggestions and enjoy the company of like-minded people.
   
• Fridays @ Home - Fridays @ 6 PM
  
  This is just a free-chat all night long, whenever you want to join, whenever you want to leave. If you’re at home on a Friday night and feel like chatting with other members, come on in to the General Chat whenever you’d like after 6:00 PM MST on Fridays and someone will be there.

The Erotic Writers Group

The Erotic Writers Group, both on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and Google+, is hosting a variety of events in the coming months. Here's what we've got coming up:

• Hangouts Are Back!
  
  The Erotic Writers Group hosts a hangout every Tuesday at 9:00 PM MST, called Tuesday Topics, in which we discuss topics that matter to erotic writers. This is a live broadcast event and you are welcome to join us either by watching or broadcasting live with us. 
  
  Next Hangout(s):
  October 1st, 2013 - Setting the Scene (Ep. 6)
  October 8th, 2013 - Writing for the Season (|Ep. 7)
   
• The Erotic Writers Group Chat Night
  
  You've already heard about the other chat nights we'll be hosting, The Erotic Writers Group will be hosting their own chat night every Saturday at 8:00 PM MST. This will give us a chance to recap past hangouts, generate ideas for upcoming hangouts and continue discussions about erotica in real-time. Join us in The Erotic Writers Group Chat Room to participate.
   
• Writing Challenges/Exercises
  
  We're hoping by November to be in full-swing with our Writing Challenges. We're still hashing out the details for these particular events and you are more than welcome to leave your suggestions about them in the comment box below, but if you'd like to learn more about what you can expect in the coming months, you can check out Challenge Central for more information.
  
  Again, all this is still massively in planning stages, so give us some more time to bring you even more details.

Other Upcoming Events

By January 2014, we're hoping to have all of the events that we will be hosting online up and running. Here's a few of the other ones that we've got in the works or in the planning stages. Again, if you have suggestions or would like to help run these events, please don't hesitate to leave your comments or get in touch with us!

• The Everyday Orgasm Challenge
  
  The Big "O" group had asked a few months ago how many people would be interested in participating in The Everyday Orgasm Challenge. The idea of the challenge is to have one orgasm a day everyday for an entire month - or if you're feeling adventurous, longer. If you're interested in participating, let us know here.
  
  Planned Start Date:
  January 2014
   
• The Blog Everyday Challenge
  
  Ever wanted to blog everyday for an entire month? Maybe you want to push for the entire year. If you're looking for support, encouragement and inspiration to keep you motivated to write for however long you'd like, The Blog Everyday Challenge will be there for you.
  
  Planned Start Date:
  January 2014
   
• The Blog Readers Club
  
  The Blog Readers Club was one of the first groups that was created on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and various things have stood in the way of this group progressing. However, starting in the new year, we're really hoping to have this group active and we're going to start reading blogs together. 
  
  Planned Start Date:
  February 2014

So there's a list of upcoming events to get you started. If you have any ideas for events that you think Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous should run, please let us know in the comments below and if you are interested in helping bring these events to fruition, get in touch with us. Until then, RSVP for upcoming events here and we hope to see you there!

*NOTE*

We have not personally tried any of these apps ourselves, but would like to give them a try and see what they're all about.

1. BDSM Master
   
   This app is a random punishment generator, which also includes a built-in vibrator! It has recently been updated to allow you to add your own punishments and it also allows you to add safewords - so that if people aren't comfortable, they can let you know! It even has a dictionary with over 100 terms related to BDSM.
   
   Get the App!
    
2. Maledom BDSM Game
   
   If you're the Dominant partner and you identify as male, then you can use this app to help you come up with ideas during sessions. At each level, there are six possibilities and the app will randomly pick two options for you. You choose how you proceed in this dominating game.
   
   Get the App!
   
   
3. Femdom BDSM Game
   
   This is almost the exact same app as the one above, except this is for the Dominant partners that identify as female. The "gameplay" is almost exactly identical and the biggest thing that has changed is the color. However, the way you input your name is different than the app above.
   
   ​Get the App!

As I said before, there are many more apps on Google Play for all sorts of spicy bedroom (and not the bedroom) fun, but these are the ones that are BDSM specific that we found. Have you ever used any of these before? What were your thoughts on it? Do you use other kinky apps on your devices? Leave your comments below and let us know!

Anyways, we were delighted today to stroll over to one of the fan pages we follow on Facebook, the Museum of Sex (yes, it's a real thing and yes, our first travel destination will be to it - that and the LA&M...), and they shared a great link with us. Featuring James Deen and Andy San Dimas, the first-ever professionally made Google Glass porn.

Did you love this video as much as we did? And when Google Glass comes out, are you getting one? Are you looking forward to the new frontier of POV porn? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

But, another feature that I simply cannot get enough of is the extensions offered by Google Chrome. I have seriously had to limit the amount I'll let myself have because I am often tempted to just get all the ones that sound interesting. Today, I'd like to highlight some of the extensions I use, specifically for blogging purposes.

• Google Black Bar
  
  As a fan of Google products, this extension is wonderful. I can access all of my favorite products with ease. I can see a listing of my most recent documents created in Google Drive, I can see all my events for Google Calendar and I can even access things like Webmaster Tools and my Analytics. It's much better than having to visit Google and then click on their products from the black bar at the top, because I can do it without ever having to leave the page I'm on. Oh, and did I mention that it opens the product in a new window!
   
• Screen Capture
  
  Definitely not the most advanced screen capture extension available, but a really easy-to-use product. Most of the screenshots that you'll find on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous were created using this extension. There are many more advanced ones available, which you can search for here and I'd love to see other's suggestions.
   
• Bit.ly
  
  When it comes to sharing links on Twitter, I absolutely and always have loved bit.ly. Now that I can organize my links once I've shortened them, I love bit.ly even more. It's really quick and really easy to use and is perfect for sharing your links, just shortened.
   
• Google+ Notifications
  
  If you're on Google+, this extension will literally save your life. I get up to the minute notifications when someone mentions me, I can manage what will show up here and I find myself clicking on it, even when I don't have any notifications at all as an easy way to access the site (even though I have links to it everywhere else too...).
   
• Diigo Web Highligher and/or Evernote
   

  Diigo Web Highlighter	Evernote Web Clipper

  
  
  I'm putting these ones together, because I'll often use them in tandem. Don't ask me why I do it, because I've never been able to figure it out. These are also two extensions that I don't typically use on a regular basis. I did at one time, but found that the more I used them, the harder of a time I had actually getting something done. I would just rack up a lot of stuff that I had to read later, which I often didn't want to do... But, when you're looking to curate content for a post and want to remember why you did it, these two tools will let you do just that!

  So, for all the Chrome users or Google lovers out there, which extensions are you using and why? If you're using another browser, such as Firefox, do you use any add-ons that are really useful to bloggers? Did you previously not know of any of the extensions above but might consider using one now? Which one?

  Let us know in the comments below or follow the discussion on Facebook.

In our Google+ Community, our members have offered up the following 5 suggestions to keep you inspired while trying to hash out your next erotic masterpiece. Be sure to leave your comments below with your thoughts and ideas!

1. The Erotic Writers Group or Community
   
   I know that it seems like shameless self-promotion, but I'm telling you, this group inspires me every single day. Whether you're connecting through the group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous or joining through our Google+ Community, you're sure to find inspiration, get ideas and discover motivation.
   
   You can expect to see other people's stories, resources other members are using to write and you can even see how other's are staying inspired.
    
2. Writing Challenges
   
   Many of the erotic writers in our Google+ Community have, at one time or another, participated in a writing challenge. From theme-based challenges to word-limit challenges and even flash fiction challenges, our members have expressed that it's really a great way to stay inspired and it's also a great way to practice your skills.
   
   What seems to stand out most for our members where writing challenges are concerned, is that the restrictions and limitations of writing challenges are often times the greatest motivation.
    
3. Writing Engines
   
   Recently, we came across a site called Seventh Sanctum, which is a great tool for getting inspired for new stories. Seventh Sanctum can offer up plot lines, character details, location ideas and much more. If you're ever feeling stumped, even just strolling through this site can be great practice.
   
   As our members pointed out to us after we posted this link, there's a lot more where that came from. This is just one example of a huge variety of sites which cater to random generation of story ideas.
    
4. Reading Erotica
   
   Some of our members liked this idea and others weren't so fond of it. As writers, we can often be incredibly critical of our own writing and will always think every once else's is better than ours. You need to be in a good place to get inspired by this.
   
   Pick something outside of your particular writing style, out of your niche. Dissect it if you have to, and learn what you can improve. Take note of the parts that really touch you. But mostly, just enjoy it! Enjoy the reading, get lost in the story, find inspiration.
    
5. Walk Away
   
   One of the biggest pieces of advice that all our writers have given or received at one time or another, is that if you're ever feeling at all like you just can't write anymore of this particular story and you can't figure anything out and your mind is just jumbled over it... Walk Away!
   
   You'd be amazed what can happen just by forcing yourself to not think about it. Go for a walk, watch a movie, take a nice hot bath or have some vigorous mind-numbing sex. You may just discover how your story is going to progress when you're not looking for it. 

Of course, these are only a few of the ways that you can stay inspired and motivated to get your next story out. How do you stay inspired? Do you use any of the methods on this list or do you do something else entirely? Share the ways you get inspired in the comments below!

Can I just say... It's about time!!

So, let's take a look at all the things that have changed and I'll let you know how this whole thing is working now. If you haven't read the post "What We're Planning for Summer/Fall 2013" yet, you might want to.

1. NEW NAVIGATION
   
   You may have noticed the new navigation menu. If you're already a member, that page will be your landing page and the first thing you see. Clicking on Share or Connect will show you the respective features in those categories and the store...

2. SOCIAL STORE
   
   You can now sell your products, e-files and services in our Social Store and it doesn't cost you a cent! All you need is a PayPal account and you can easily add files to be downloaded after purchase is complete, preview images and lots more!
    
3. UPLOAD VIDEOS
   
   You've asked for it and we've listened! You can now upload videos up to 15 minutes long, as long as they don't exceed 500 MB. Videos can easily be shared on Facebook and Twitter, feature a fully-intergrated comment system and can be added to categories to help users find them.
    
4. VIDEO CHAT ROOMS
   
   Come join in the video chats happening now! And if you're a member of The Erotic Writers Group, you can join the chatroom specifically for erotic writers. Check out the scheduled chat nights and do a ton of stuff directly in the chatrooms.
    
5. TWO NEW AWESOME PAGES
   
   Okay, really, there's more than two new pages, but these are the two that you need to know about!
   
   First, the Already a Member page. If you've logged in, you've already seen it! Here are all the links that are important to you. Easily begin adding blog posts, joining groups and checking out our events and also quickly navigate to your inbox and update your status! It's all right there!
    
   
   Then, the See What's New! page. If you want to find out what's been happening around the site while you've been away, check out this page to see all the newest videos, the most recent member activity and even get a glimpse at our newest members!
    
6. THE SKYSA BAR
   
   Now at the bottom of your screen, you'll notice a cute little bar with some awesome options. On the left-hand side, you've got quick links to our main features, you can check us out on Facebook and Twitter without ever leaving the page your currently on, when we've got important announcements they'll pop up for you and finally, you can see our latest posts on Updates from the Head Blog-A-Holic.
   
   On the right-hand side are all the sharing features of the site. Now you can like and tweet specific pages, +1 us on Google, share the images that you love on Pinterest and you can even click that cool sharing icon and get tons more options (including the ability to highlight the content you want to share!). On the topic of sharing...
    
7. NEW SHARING OPTIONS
   
   Previously on the site, we were only able to offer limited Facebook and Twitter sharing functionality on most of our features, but now we offer up a whole suite of places you can share your favorites on. New additions include Google+, Pinterest, Blogger, Wordpress and Tumblr!
    

So now, I'd love to invite you to check out all the things that are totally brand new on the site and jump in wherever you feel comfortable. If you haven't become a member yet, you'll want to do that first, since some of these features are members only. And when you're done checking it all out, please give us some feedback and let us know what you think of the changes.

If you like what you see, please don't hesitate to donate any amount using the box in the right sidebar - all your donations go towards keeping the site upgraded so we can continue offering you these awesome features. We sincerely hope you enjoy the new site!

Let's just jump straight into it, shall we? If you've missed these posts or group spotlights, now's the time to check them out!

Posts You Can't Miss

• The Top 4 Places to Get Our Latest
  
  Find out the Top 4 social networking sites that you can use to stay connected with Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and what you can expect from each of them. Currently, the list includes:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • And one more...
     
• The Best of Our Tumblr Blog (1, 2 & 3)
  
  This is a continuing series on Updates from the Head Blog-A-Holic. Every couple of months, we'll show off some of the best images, videos and quotes that we've been sharing on the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tumblr blog. These posts are definitely not safe for work!
   
• #SpruzOwners - Resources, Tutorials and Modifiers, Oh My!
  
  
  
  As members of the #SpruzOwners group will know, we're trying to offer up the best resources, tutorials and tricks when it comes to owning and operating your Spruz-powered website (that's the platform that hosts Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous!). In this post, we'll introduce you to an awesome website that will guide you through creating your site and really getting the best possible looking and functioning website.
   
• Participation Please!
  
  Not a member on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous but still really want to participate and get involved? This post will guide you on some of the rocking things you can do even when you aren't a member on the site.

Groups in the Spotlight

Groups created on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous can easily be added to the Group Spotlight. Want your group featured in the spotlight? Simply fill out this simple and handy little form. Be sure to check out these awesome groups offering great discussions and events.

• The Blog Everyday Challenge
  Read Spotlight | Join Group
  
  Challenge and inspire yourself to blog every single day with The Blog Everyday Challenge group. We're on Google+, have a Twitter hashtag that you can follow and even offer some awesome products through the official store of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, Blog-A-Holic Designs.
  
  Our next challenge will be starting in July.
   
• Not Getting My Kink On...
  Read Spotlight | Join Group
  
  If you're a kinkster in a vanilla relationship or a single kinkster who is not currently getting your kink on, this group offers a place to vent about the trials, celebrate the small things and as much support as one in this situation could need.
   

• The Erotic Writers Group
  Read Spotlight | Join Group
  
  Erotic writers can gather and connect with other erotic writers in this group. Share your writing and be sure to check out our Google+ Community where the action is always super sexy and very tantalizing.

So, now that you've gotten a little update, don't hesitate to wander over to Updates from the Head Blog-A-Holic and then come back to the site here and have a great time participating. Also, we're still looking for feedback and would love your input. Thanks for reading!

If all you want for Christmas this year is some good ole oral sex, share these videos!!

Before things get hot and heavy, set ground rules with your partner about what risks you're willing to take and which measures you'll take to protect yourselves and each other.

For some super awesome tips on how to have this talk, take a look at Reid Mihalko's Safer Sex Elevator Speech

I think everyone knows the basics of condoms, maybe you're having issues about the size, the lube on them or whether you need to roll them over your balls or not.

Education was sorely lacking within (at least my) public school sex ed class. There's a whole big world out there of contraception and STI prevention that you may want to consider before you start playing.

There are an estimated 62% of American women ages 15 to 44 currently using some form of contraception. The good news is that birth control is now covered by your insurance as of August 2012 (Although some insurance companies may not allow this to go into effect until January 2013)

The bad news is that the most common form of birth control in the US is sterilization.

Contraception is usually thought of as a relatively new subject, but for centuries humans have created a few effective and a whole lot of very very ineffective methods.

It seems that even in ancient times there was a strong desire to be able to have sex without the worry of children.

The ancient Romans hit pay dirt when they discovered a plant known as Silphium. It was a plant related to fennel that was apparently a very effective birth control as well as being an aphrodisiac.

For 6 centuries they used it to prevent pregnancy and according to many scholars the effectiveness of the herb can be seen in the low birth rate during this time, even though it was a prosperous and peaceful time in which should have resulted in a lot more children. Unfortunately that magical herb was over harvested and went extinct. The Roman's greedy appetite for care free sex did not stop there.


Many types of methods were used-- douching with vinegar and/or dipping your penis in vinegar, coitus interruptus (also known as the pull out method) and coitus obstructus (which is a method where pressure is put on the base of the testicle to block the flow of semen) were also common methods used throughout the centuries.

Pig's intestines were used as an early form of a condom and it was suggested you soak it in warm milk first. Shots of mercury after sex was also supposed to prevent children. (Which it might do, but would also cause brain damage.)

Another method is called a pessary which basically is something to block the cervix. The most popular pessary, made by the ancient Egyptians, was made with an oh so sexy mix of honey and crocodile dung. The Japanese used bamboo tissue paper shoved up there. The Greeks used wool.

Another method used was a sponge with string attached sometimes soaked in something believed to be anti-spermicidal. French ladies of the night used to put half a lemon up there (which gives new meaning to the term sour puss.)

With most of these methods it seems that it was women were trying to take control of their sex life and their body. It seems that for centuries women have been trying to find a way to stop having so many children which would have been a worry for many women when death during childbirth was a very common way to go.

Unfortunately, except for silphium, none of these methods were 100 percent or even 50 percent effective and many of them were downright dangerous. Also, virtually none of them address the other part of contraception which is to prevent catching an STD (STI).

Luckily after the sexual dark ages of the Victorian era. The modern world improved it's sexual understanding and contraception by leaps and bounds. We now have so many things at our disposal and the problem now becomes which type of contraception to use.

It is a tough and very personal decision which is mix of what you are trying to accomplish and also what feels best and most comfortable to you. Of course as I say time and time again communication is key.

Speaking with your partner and your physician will help you find the best type for you.

Come on, Geeks! Get with the times and find yourself a nice modern form of contraception.

Hormonal Methods

These methods of birth control are not going to protect you against STI's, but they will help prevent pregnancy if used properly. Using a combination of estrogen and progesterone, they work by stopping the egg from being released from the ovary, and by thickening the walls of the cervix so that the sperm don't want to hang out in the lady bits.

• acne

• endometrial and ovarian cancers
• iron deficiency anemia
• premenstrual symptoms, including headaches and depression
• bad cramps
• heavy and/or irregular periods

• bleeding between periods (most often with mini pills)
• breast tenderness
• nausea and vomiting

You know what I mean by The Pill. If you say The Pill in a room full of people they'll know exactly what pill you mean. (The mini pill is just progesterone and is better for women who smoke, are prone to blood clots or are over 35.)
The Pill is meant to be taken daily at the same time every day (this is especially true for the mini pill.)

The Patch is a small beige strip-- looks a little like a big square Band-aid-- that needs to be changed weekly. The patch may be less effective for women who weigh more than 198 pounds. But it may still be a good option for women of all sizes.

The vaginal ring is a small, flexible ring a woman inserts into her vagina once a month to prevent pregnancy. It is left in place for three weeks and taken out for the remaining week each month.

The birth control shot is an injection of a hormone that prevents pregnancy. Each shot prevents pregnancy for three months.

 

The birth control implant is a thin, flexible plastic implant about the size of a cardboard matchstick. It is inserted under the skin of the upper arm. It protects against pregnancy for up to three years

An IUD is inserted into the uterus by a healthcare professional and can work as either a barrier or hormonal method-- depending on which brand name you get-- There are two brands of IUD available in the United States, ParaGard (protects against pregnancy for up to 12 years) and Mirena (protects against pregnancy for up to 5 years).

Barrier Methods

This is exactly what it sounds like. Something bars the way for the the various fluids to meet. These methods are much more practical for STI prevention.

Other--

Some of these methods may work for you if you have certain needs, allergies, or just are unable to get the above options for whatever reason

Sterilization is a form of birth control. All sterilization procedures are meant to be permanent.

For men this is called a vasectomy. During a vasectomy, the health care provider closes or blocks the tubes that carry sperm. When the tubes are closed, sperm cannot leave a man's body and cause pregnancy.

 

Fertility Charting

 

 

 

Fertility awareness-based methods (FAMs) are ways to track ovulation, the release of an egg, in order to prevent pregnancy. Some people call FAMs "natural family planning."

Twenty-four out of every 100 couples who use fertility awareness-based methods each year will have a pregnancy if they don't always use the method correctly or consistently. Always practicing these methods correctly will make them more effective.

 

Withdrawl

 

A man who uses withdrawal will pull his penis out of the vagina before ejaculation, the moment when semen spurts out of his penis. Withdrawal is also known as coitus interruptus and the pull out method.

Withdrawal may be the world's oldest way to practice birth control. About 35 million couples worldwide rely on withdrawal.

 

Like all birth control methods, the pull out method is much more effective when you do it correctly.

 

• Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly.
• Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 27 will become pregnant each year if they don't always do it correctly.

 

Couples who have great self-control, experience, and trust may use the pull out method more effectively. Men who use the pull out method must be able to know when they are reaching the point in sexual excitement when ejaculation can no longer be stopped or postponed. If you cannot predict this moment accurately, withdrawal will not be as effective.

Even if a man pulls out in time, pregnancy can still happen. Some experts believe that pre-ejaculate, or pre-cum, can pick up enough sperm left in the urethra from a previous ejaculation to cause pregnancy. If a man urinates between ejaculations before having sex again, it will help clear the urethra of sperm and may increase the effectiveness of withdrawal.

 

Outercourse

 

Outercourse means different things to different people. For some people, outercourse is any sex play without vaginal intercourse. For others, it is sex play with no penetration at all oral, anal, or vaginal.

 

 

Make sure to check out Planned Parenthood for more information.

 

It doesn't have to be clinical it can be fun and lighthearted. A trip to the condom aisle at the pharmacy can be sexy. You should never be ashamed of going. You should own it. Isn't getting laid something you should be bragging about?

 

--Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress

<3

 

But tonight, I've come to the conclusion, that I am beginning to lose that hope which is so important to the survival of this kind of relationship. Instead of hope, I feel defeated, lost and absolutely denied. I feel like we won't survive.

It's evident in my blog posts over the last couple of weeks too. First, my 26th birthday rolled around and more than anything, I would've loved a spanking for it. Didn't get that... Then, we had a major break-in. Both of us were too traumatized to have sex for the longest time. Finally,we had vanilla sex.

Then, I got propositioned to shoot some erotic photographs, something that has always been on my sexual to-do list. But because it was professional photographs and not taken by him, I guess, he automatically shot it down.

Today, I feel like seriously considering cheating, just to feel like I have some control over this body that is mine, this life that is mine. I feel hopeless and deprived. It's hard to not feel utter resentment towards him, even though that's not what I'm feeling so much as I am just outright defeat.

How do you possibly get through this?!?

I have never understood how or why human females are content to have sex without knowing how their bodies work. The cervix does not dilate during orgasm. If we could then giving birth would be a quick roll in the hay with the mid-wife nearby!

Have fun and....Let's be Careful Out There,

Lady Mercy

Hank Green is apparently crossing into the dark-side of the web. First, he publishes Human Sexuality is Complicated, a video we highly recommend. Then, a Truth or Fail all about Breasts!! But, it gets better, because quite awhile back, he did one on penises ;)

Today, for your viewing pleasure, test your knowledge on mammaries.

Let us know your score in the comments below!

If you took some time to talk to Sigmund Freud, he'd hasten to tell you that humans only have 4 stages of psycho-sexual development, and these stages of development correspond with the following erogenous zones: the mouth, the anus, and the genital region.

"What?" asks everyone.

Yeah... That's a scary story worthy of Halloween.

This is one of the hardest subjects to discuss because although there are similarities, everyone's list of zones is unique and personal to them. What works for one person may not work for others. I find this subject is something people find very awkward discussing with their partners and it needn't be. You shouldn't find it insulting if a partner says to you "I don't like it when you pull my hair" or "hey could you slap my ass every once and awhile". They are just trying to help guide you to doing what feels best for them.

To help with the communication, try making your comments sound more positive, instead of saying "I don't like it when..." say "You know what would be hot...?"

To try to kick start that conversation and get people to touch each other in less obvious places we have compiled a list of body parts (other than the nether regions) to play around with. The nether regions are a heck of a lot of fun, but we will discuss them at a later date.

Here are 10 of the common (and not so common) erogenous zones:

Hey if you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my Hair!
 

The scalp and hair are areas that are near and dear to my heart. I have a love hate relationship with my hair, it's long and curly and thick which is wonderful, but I have the most horrendous bed head. It goes all over the place and it never does what I want. My fiance would disagree, he thinks I look sexy when I just get out of bed (yeah, right) and he loves to play with it. Some of our most loving moments have been him brushing it out. I know that might not sound like that is a moment that will lead to a raucous good time, but it can. Running his fingers through my hair, rubbing my scalp, playfully scratching behind my ear, sneaking kisses and nibbles on my neck, grabbing a bit of hair or giving it a tug. Any of these can lead to a hot and steamy situation. Then, playing with my hair becomes less innocent. Pulling my hair back to expose my neck (Double Zone! Extra Points!) can be used to guide me and to rein me in, so to speak.

Yes, hair pulling can be a rather common preference. Make sure you start out slow with a new partner though. You never know how much tugging a person really wants. Have you considered other techniques? Massaging the scalp, and just playing with hair can get your partner in the mood.

Why do you think girls spend so much time on their hair?

Kissy Lips
 

We bite them, suck them, paint them up and everyone likes a good snog, but no one ever seems to think of them for what they really are, which is a sexual organ in their own right. They should be paid proper attention to. Kiss, nibble, suck on them, give them a little bite, linger at that spot a while. The best thing about kissing is it kills 2 birds with one stone by stimulating both set of lips while leaving your hands free to grope the rest of each other. If you just spend 5 more minutes kissing your partner before moving on to other aspects of love making it will improve your sex life 10 fold!

This may sound obvious, but it's important to note that kissing isn't the only thing one may do with the lips... we'll get to some of the more creative stuff later... but for now experiment with pressure, nibbling and anything you want to try with those luscious lips! Remember every kiss burns 42 calories!

That's Why They Call It Necking!
 

One of the sexiest things a guy can do to get me in the mood is to come behind me, wrap their arms around me and kiss the back of my neck. The nape of my neck is very sensitive and, if done right, with gentle but firm kisses and nibbles, I find it very hard to resist. It can send shivers down my spine and make my toes curl. It's a great part of the body to caress, massage and tease. Best of all it is not covered by pesky clothes that get in the way of a lot of erogenous zones. It can be the start of something very intimate and close, An added benefit is that it is on the way to other zones, no matter which part of the body you are after. You can kiss your way up toward lips and ears, pull on the hair slightly to expose a little more neck and tease it some more, or linger there for a while before you start working your way down to nipples or thigh. Filled with endless possibilities and I think it is a zone often neglected.
Oh the neck! One of my favorites. There's no need to turn into a vampire, but some biting or sucking can be very nice. Don't get too excited and start leaving marks on your sexy friend!

Silken Skin
 

I know that sounds like a cop-out, but the skin is the largest organ you have, and really if you take the time to explore, taste and feel every part of your partner's body, you will find what they like (and don't like.) If you communicate through the whole process, you will learn what will work best for them. Communication is key. You should put aside 2 nights, one dedicated to one person vice versa, so you both have equal turns exploring each others bodies.

No one can underestimate the power of touch. Our skin contains chemicals that react to other peoples skin chemicals, causing chemical reactions. SCIENCE! So touch and be touched!

Non-Penile Appendages (aww! no penis! T_T )
 

 

You might think of nipples as an obvious erogenous zone, and it is to a certain extent, but men's nipples are largely ignored and I feel guys sometimes forget about the nipples, because they are so mesmerized by the whole breast. Now i don't want you to forget about the rest of the breast because, even on a modest rack, there is a lot to play with. However, by focusing on the nipples and giving them your full attention, you can really get a girl or guy squirming. Again I can't stress this enough, as with all of the zones listed, it's not going to work on everybody, but by gently teasing, suckling, licking, rubbing, even a delicate nibble can cause some delightful sensations and you get the satisfaction of making them get all pointy, which I think is a lot of fun.

We're sure you get the basics of boobs but:

Everything But the Kitchen Sink-- and by that we mean Va Jay Jay
 

Before you rush into the main event (see Foreplay) make sure you do a little teasing of the thighs, the hips, the sides of the torso, the torso. (Little tip: if your girl is self conscious about her love handles or her weight she's not going to like you obsessing over those zones.) Teasing is very important, and patience is a virtue.

 

Tramp Stamp Spot
 

One of the parts of my body that is very sensitive is the small of my back and I have the most trouble getting who ever I am with at the time to pay it any attention. They all think I am trying to con them into giving me a back massage. Of course, I would love a back massage but that's not the reason I bring the subject up. (Really, I swear.) That part of my body is very receptive to touch. Not only is it great to tease, but during sex if you put a hand at the small of the back to support them you can give them added sensations and for a woman especially it can hold her in a better position to hit all the right places. Because it is a little thicker skinned then some other zones we are talking about, you can be a little rougher with it (if you are in to that sort of thing.) Be creative and you might just like the reaction you get.

 

The small of the back can be very important, but is often ignored. You can play a lot with the dynamics of the Dominate and the Submissive without pulling out the chains and whips. (More on that later...)

 

Butt Play
 

 

Who doesn't want to grab some ass? Even if you don't consider the booty something that attracts you to someone I know that at some time or another you have had the urge to grab it and why not!. Full of nerve endings, it makes a satisfying noise when you slap it, it's practically natures hand hold! Playful, sexy and fun. Ooh so many possibilities! Next time your lover walks by grab a cheek and give it a quick squeeze. They will probably like the attention. I know I do!

 

A little spanking can go a long way, as well as mixing it up with some tender caressing. Don't forget that there are a lot of nerves in that area, including, but not limited to the prostate. (We'll talk more about this later too.)

A Beautiful Mind

 

I know it is cliche, but the mind is one of the biggest of all the zones. You can poke and prod me all you want, but if I am still think about the laundry that needs doing or when I should get a haircut you aren't going to get very far and if you do manage to herd me into bed, get ready to have the most boring sex you have ever had....ever.

There are countless ways to engage the mind to make your significant other yearn for you; ache for your touch. Simply describing what you want to do to them could peak their interest, or you can be a little less blatant. You can compliment them or simply whisper, "I want you" in a low sultry tone. You don't even have to say anything at all, you can write an explicit note for them or send them a suggestive email at work. Wear an outfit you know they really like on you. You want to stoke the fires of your lover's imagination so that you and your body is all that is on their mind.

Hey, watch a little porn, if your both up for it, or read some erotica. Sexy texts are always fun-- just make sure you text the right person! Dirty talk or just being attentive can put anyone in the right frame of mind.

 

--Kinky Kraken, Samus Andress

 

<3

Demogorgon�and I met through my first boyfriend. When I say met, what I really mean is that we talked on the phone a couple times and stayed in touch through MSN Messenger (back when that was the cool instant messaging services to use...), but we've never actually physically met.

See,�Demogorgon�lives in another country. I'm down here in Canada and she's up there somewhere in the US. One thing she's been trying to do since the first time we talked, is explain to me exactly where in the US, but I am dumb when it comes to any sort of geography. I'd be one of the guys insisting that the earth was flat, even after someone discovered it wasn't...

Image courtesy of�suphakit73 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Over the years though, we've managed to keep in touch, now more often than not with Facebook chat (because that's how awesomely we've evolved). And while we don't touch base often, when we do, we have some amazingly hilarious conversations.�

Tonight's conversation has now resulted in me really wanting a cell phone again so that The Boyfriend and I can sext each other. I remember when we both had cell phones and when he was at work, I would send him a topless photo or a sexy thought text. Sometimes he'd respond in kind or would do something else sweet.

It was just a great way to feel connected when we were apart. Not that we're apart that often, but it was fun for the 8 hours a day, 5 days a week that he wasn't physically in my presence. And while what I just said may sound a little psychotic, I assure you that it's not. He feels exactly the same way. That's just how much we like being around each other...�

But it was also a way to spice up our sexual activities. I was feeling more confident about my body because he was expressing joy in seeing what I had to send him. We were having sex more often because of our messages back and forth. And I just miss it...

Image courtesy of�Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

And this is the conversation that spurred the little rant above...

Demogorgon:�
yay phone sex lol

Valerie Rayne:
Haven't had that in forever and a day!!!
See, you're a lucky bitch with your cellphone and shit. You can so easily send dirty things back and forth to each other!
JEALOUS!

Demogorgon:�
LMAO well, he doesn't do cellphones...he's on the landline and I'm calling from my cell

Valerie Rayne:�
ahaha
That's how to do it... All old school style
Tell me it's a rotary phone!!!

Demogorgon:�
hahaha no

Valerie Rayne:�
"Rotate six for panty removal"

Demogorgon:
LOL

Valerie Rayne:�
I want one now!!!

See, I can be funny sometimes! Anyways, just thought I'd share that little tidbit with you. Too bad The Boyfriend and I�probably won't start using our cell phones again�but it was fun to joke about it and think about it.

So now, if you're still reading, do you use your cell phone for personal sexts with your significant other or other sexual partners? What type of sexts do you most enjoy getting? Share your sexting�stories in the comments below or�on our Facebook fan page!

In the beginning, it felt like I was in another vanilla relationship. But then I got pregnant, and things like impact play and temperature play became normal parts of our sexual encounters. We were regularly getting involved in our local offline community and were seriously discussing future plans regarding kink. 

Then, I had the baby...

It seemed like, all at once, interest on his part completely waned. He no longer wanted to wield the flogger. He didn't want to experiment with positions anymore. Apparently, it was the perfect time to turn into the type of couple who only enjoys missionary and never mentions things like spanking or cock and ball torture. But, it only happened for one of us.

I still want kink and I still crave it, as much as I ever have. The more I want it, the more he moves away from interest in it. He downright refuses to even consider it. My, how things can change. But, along the way, I've learnt some things...

Lesson #1
You can survive on hope

I don't mean this for anything outside of kinky pleasure. Hope takes you a long way in a vanilla relationship, even if it's one that you wish were a kinky one. Don't ask me how it does it or why it lasts for as long as it does, but it's seen me through some of my worst cravings.

I have to believe that this will change. I have to believe that either a) he will eventually become the kinky guy he once was or b) that he'll get comfortable with the idea that he can share me for kinky purposes only and I will still come home to him! 

Lesson #2
Enjoy it while you have to

While it gently tears my heart apart every time he refuses to give me a spanking or every time he sneers at something that used to interest him, I still get plenty of sexual pleasure. Instead of obsessing about what I'm not getting, I focus on what I am.

I am getting great vanilla sex, some of the best that I've ever had in my life. The less I bother him about kink, the more likely he is to not feel pressured and therefore to get a boner more often. I am enjoying what I've got until hope prevails!

Lesson #3
Keep calm and think very hard before opening your mouth

The cravings can often get in the way of me being able to think rationally. Just because he's not spanking me, does not mean that he doesn't love me at all. Just because I don't get floggings anymore, doesn't mean that he finds me unattractive. Silencing the voice in your head can often be the hardest part.

The trick is to take a lot of deep breaths and really let their words and reactions sink in before you say anything out loud. Take into account, not only how you feel about the situation, but also how your partner may feel. I know that part of The Boyfriend's problem with continuing on with kink in our lives has to do with the kids and I can't condemn him for that feeling.

Lesson #4
Try to be understanding

As I began to allude to in the previous lesson, understanding is almost as important as hope. Maybe the lack of kink that you experience is not as black and white as it sometimes feels like it should be. A person's lack of interest or even their undivided interest, is often much more complex than one would imagine.

If you don't understand their reasons behind their disinterest, all you can do is ask. Just like every other issue in your average relationship, it's an area that is constantly navigationable. You can and probably will always be journeying down a road where the only part you can play is a passive one.

Lesson #5
Be grateful every single day

I would say, out of all of the suggestions here, this is the hardest one sometimes. Sometimes you can feel so much resentment that it feels as if it would completely consume you. In the blink of an eye, and for no particular reason, you will find yourself convincing yourself that it's time to end the relationship, it's time to split ways, it's time to search for something else.

It's important during these hazy times to try constantly to be grateful for what you have. Constantly pick out all the things about your partner that attracted you to them in the first place. Always be hunting for the things they are doing right now that keeps you enamored with them. Be completely grateful whenever you can for what you've got!

Lesson #6
Think of the future/big picture

Kink is just one part of what I want out of a relationship. I also want someone who is good to me, who loves my kids, who sticks with me through thick and thin. I often find myself, as I'm coming out of my days of resentment, thinking about how I wouldn't want to go through all this work all over again with a new person just to get the addition of kink. I wouldn't want to go through all that work and find out that the new person just isn't right for me and my family.

In 10 years, while I will most definitely be insistent on having a kinky release, I also want someone I can come home to at the end of the day and feel like I'm truly home. I want someone to wrap their arms around me and be in love with the person I am as a whole, not just the submissive that I can be for them. I want more than just kink and sometimes just remembering that I want to have a future with a person, makes it easier to stay when it's hard to see past my interests.

Lesson #7
Be honest, even when it's hard

When you're in a resentment funk or when you're nostalgic about your relationship, when your partner asks "what's up?", be honest. Let them know that you're daydreaming about what kink would look like in the relationship. Don't be afraid to say that you're having a problem feeling connected to them because of the lack of kink. Tell them honestly what stage and phase you're at and how your thinking is processing for you.

Sometimes, the honesty is awkward. Sometimes it isn't exactly well received by the other person and sometimes they'll ignore it completely. You just have to do it, no matter how horrible it feels at the time. Just like you need to understand your partner's perspective, they need to at least know about yours...

Lesson #8
Don't give up, don't give in

I'm a hardcore believer that if you've spent a significant amount of time adjusting to a relationship that you shouldn't just walk away easily from it. I'm also a bit of a serial monogamist, so that may give you a little bit of a hint about how I think about relationships. I think they mean something and that they are incredibly important. I also have kids with my partner and that changes things.

For all I know, it may be completely worth my while staying in this relationship and I won't ever know that unless I try. And not try and give up at the first failure, but to continually push through our struggles. All the lessons previous to this one have been pointing at this lesson completely. Don't give up and don't give in. Don't give up on the relationship and don't give in to it always being a vanilla relationship. Keep true to yourself and let your partner know you have every intention of doing so.

Lesson #9
Never stop talking about it

In previous lessons, I've told you to really think about the things you say to your partner and I've also told you to be completely and brutally honest with them about your feelings and desires. What I'm really getting at is to never stop talking about the fact that you're not 100% satisfied. Don't keep things in the dark.

Communication is so important in a relationship and it's even more important when you feel like something is being neglected. It won't solve the problem and don't expect it to. But it will make the transitions more fluid, it will make both of you more comfortable and it will push things towards change. It may take what feels like forever and a day, but at that point, you just refer back to lesson #1 - never give up hope!

I've learnt many more things, I'm sure, from being stuck in a vanilla relationship. I'd love to hear from those of you who are on the kinky side of the vanilla relationship and how you deal with this delicate situation and I'd also love to hear the vanilla point of view. I wonder how many more people think the relationship is still important even if it's sorely lacking in kink. Leave your comments and let me know what you think and if you're a member, check out the Not Getting My Kink On... Group for even more support, advice and venting!

"I've had tons of MMF threesomes and have attempted 2 MFF threesomes. With me, a girl and another guy, I tend to get way to jealous and insecure. So though it is a massive fantasy of mine, I have decided to just leave that one lie.

The MMF threesomes were all fun. The only time I ever didn't have fun was when the other guy, who wasn't my boyfriend, thought that that one time now meant that I always wanted to hook up with him, which I definitely didn't.

 

Really, I could go on and on with advice but the only advice that matters is that all parties involved are completely comfortable with it. Back in those days, we had a rule that only boyfriend could penetrate vaginally, though that rule changed over the years.

 

Be sure to set clear and defined boundaries before going into it. If you don't want your guy eating someone else out, or something about it doesn't make you comfortable, absolutely open your mouth about it. You're already taking a wonderful step in considering the threesome prior to jumping right into it. Get your mind-juices flowing about the threesome so that you can be prepared when you're in it to deal with any situations that may arise.

 

Absolutely communicate to the best of your ability, if not better. Threesomes have been known to ruin seemingly great relationships. If you're unsure, insecure, jealous or any other negative emotion, speak up about it. Let your partner know that the size of her boobs makes you insecure or the size of his cock scares you. Don't ever stop communicating, especially during the threesome. Practice visual and body cues so that you don't have to use your words. And (figuratively) beat your partner up if they don't communicate with you back. It's absolutely imperative!

 

In summary, the two main things you should take from this is that a threesome needs to have CONSENT and COMMUNICATION to be anything that anyone is going to enjoy. After that, things just tend to fall into place."