Celebrities talk a lot about stuff–and sometimes about stuff they don’t really know much about. But five years ago, as a guest on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, actor Shia LaBeouf brought up something that seems far more important now than it did then–and maybe we should have paid attention.

LaBeouf was discussing his experiences filming Eagle Eye, a thriller about

a young man and a single mother who are brought together and coerced by an anonymous caller into carrying out a plan by a possible terrorist organization.

The film had an FBI consultant. The consultant, according to LeBeouf,  told him that home alarm monitors could be turned on to monitor households, and that cars could be shutdown using OnStar. And that one in five phone calls were recorded by the government. To prove the point, LaBeouf continued, the FBI consultant played back a call the actor had made two years earlier, before he was associated with the picture,

one of those what are you are wearing type of things.

Okay that is creepy. But wow, they must have gotten really close for the consultant to show him all that spai stuff.

According to IMDBpro, the FBI technical consultant on Eagle Eye was Thomas Knowles. A quick Google search shows that Knowles retired from the FBI in 2006, and in 2009

joined the Board of Directors of Continental Prison Systems, Inc. (Pink Sheets:CPSZ), and its operating division called EZ Card & Kiosk, which provides the “cashless jail” solution to city and county jails around the US. Mr. Knowles, who retired from the FBI in 2006, brings superior organizational, analytical and exceptional decisiveness and problem-solving skills to the company….

In 1985, Mr. Knowles began his FBI career, with assignments in Oklahoma, Los Angeles, Sacramento, Athens, Greece, Kandahar, Afghanistan and the FBI Headquarters Office in Washington, D.C. While with the FBI, Mr. Knowles pursued investigations in violent crime matters such as drugs, kidnappings, bank robberies and organized crime, before transferring to the International Terrorism Division just prior to the first bombing of the World Trade Center Towers in February of 1993. He then continued his work in terrorism matters both living and working assignments in Greece, the Middle East and the former Soviet Republic break-away states, before returning to FBI Headquarters as Chief of the International Operations Section responsible for FBI international offices. He retired from the FBI after managing a joint law enforcement terrorism task force, yet remains actively involved in the fight against both international and domestic terrorists.

Eagle Eye is the only film for which he has been credited as consultant.

Pope Francis has admitted there’s a secret in the Vatican, and it’s not some really cool way to conjure demons like the Grimoire of Pope Honorius. Nope, it’s a secret room he’s just discovered! The Pope says:

There is talk of a ‘gay lobby’ and it’s true, it exists. We have to see what can be done.

Redecorate?

New science is showing that, oh, about 3.5 million years ago early human species like Australopithecus afarensis and Kenyanthropus platyops became more adventurous eaters, switching from a diet of leaves and fruits from trees, shrubs, and herbs to a more varied selection featuring grasses, sedges and succulent plants — or on animals that ate those plants. Zeresenay Alemseged, senior curator and chair of anthropology at the California Academy of Sciences, explains:

What we have is chemical information on what our ancestors ate, which in simpler terms is like a piece of food item stuck between their teeth and preserved for millions of years.

In an earlier paper, Alemseged and his team discussed finding tools for meat consumption dating back 3.4 million years ago.

So heck, what will future anthropologists think when they find discarded plastic buckets of dehydrated carrot powder, freeze dried strawberries, and “Salba” ? ( Salba chia is “the trademark name (brand) for the registered varieties of Salvia Hispanic L. – Sahi Alba 911 and Sahi Alba 912 – the only two registered varieties in the world”). A good guess might be that these people were crazy.  And they may well be–because, as Newsvandal.com reports, these are what the faithful followers of Jim Bakker get if they send a “love offering” to the newlywed Jim Bakker, who has, you know, done his time and repented.

So, emulating the classic Christian motif, Jim has done his time and he’s risen again to take to the airwaves. Now re-married to another bubbly-blonde co-host, he’s once-again spreading the word of God.

Well, he’s willing to spread the word of God, if you are willing to spread his “favorite” soy-nut butter.

That’s just one of the hard bargains Jim’s driving in his new incarnation as survivalist food pitchman. In fact, Jim’s got a whole catalog of foodstuffs that he is willing to “give” you as a “thank you” in return for your “love gift” to his “ministry.”

Forget those bland, chintzy wafers the Catholics are handing out. The menu for your “gift” of “love” can be quite tasty. And remunerative.

Jesus turned water into wine for free, but Jim is turning it into carrot juice for $35.00.

Forget loaves and fishes. How about chips and salsa? It only “costs” $65.00 to feed the multitudes (at your next Super Bowl party).

Yes, miracles are hard to come by, but your “act of love” will bring back a sampler box of Jim’s favorite miracle food—“Salba”—for a mere $100.00…

Now, this proposition may seem decidedly outside the generally-accepted practice of “religion” and, more directly, in violation of the highly profitable tax exemption afforded to various practitioners of the “spiritual arts” here in the good ol’ US of A. But fret not, oh ye of little faith—there is a “religious” connection to this de facto supermarket Jim’s running via a website and daily television show. You see, all this food is meant to prepare you for the days of woe foretold in the Book of Revelations.

This is not a simple matter of exchanging your “love” for “thank you” gifts.

No, Jim’s food is designed to prepare you for the End of the World as we know it. But you and your family will feel fine. Or, at the very least, you will face the coming of the Antichrist on a full stomach.

Golly Mr. Dryden, you’re my favorite teacher!

John Dryden, a high school teacher in Batavia, Illinois is in hot water for teaching his students about their rights, and for putting that lesson into action by informing students of their Fifth Amendment rights in connection with a survey asking about illegal drug use. The survey was ostensibly aimed at assessing the needs of students at Batavia High School except it asked about illegal drug use and students’ names were on each form! What’s a cool teacher to do?

Dryden, who had just finished teaching a unit on the Bill of Rights, worried that students might feel obliged to incriminate themselves—an especially ticklish situation given the police officer stationed at the school. Since there was no time to confer with administrators, he says, he decided to tell his students that they did not have to complete the forms if doing so involved admitting illegal behavior.

He facing disciplinary action and

The Batavia Daily Herald reports that “Dryden faces having a ‘letter of remedy’ placed in his employment file,” which “could have consequences up to dismissal.” Dryden’s supporters are collecting signatures on a petition asking the board to refrain from disciplining him.

This weekend brings brings two great America traditions to a head:  Barbecue and Liberace. Steven Soderbergh’s (possibly) final film, Behind the Candelabra airs on Sunday night, the eve of Monday’s eruption of charring ecstasy. My grandmother loved Liberace and watched him weekly;  I thought he was fascinatingly creepy, a vibe was only heightened by his appearance on Batman.

Years later I had the pleasure of visiting the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas (twice!), now sadly closed, a victim of the failing economy. It was jawdroppingly, eyepoppingly over the top.

What will you be doing for Memorial Day? Do you have a fave bbq recipe? And what about that Liberace?

The latest out of Moscow is really embarrassing. Had someone at the embassy or in the FSB [Russia's Federal Security Service] been watching FX’s Reagan-era spy melodrama The Americans and actually thought this would work? It’s hard to believe even thirty years ago those wigs would have passed, but today? Come on, really?

I feel like Ryan Christopher Fogle was set up in some weird Craigslist sex hustle:

Show up on this corner in a blond wig…

and the rest of the stuff was staged.

What’s your favorite spy movie?

Happy Walpurgisnacht!

Are you clutching your pearls? Quick get out the smelling salts:

You will be shocked when you view American Life League’s latest video report.  Directed toward adults only, the report Hooking Kids on Sex contains jolting, unedited pictures from Planned Parenthood’s community efforts to indoctrinate children and teens into a sick culture of sex. This report is not for the faint of heart.  It is, however, a long-overdue wake up call.

Oh and why the jobs number are so low:  We’re all on drugs. Or hooked on sex. Or on the internet.

Or flying on your broomstick!

Quick, turn to CSPAN!

Conan O’Brian hosting. Attendees like Kevin Spacey, Barbra Streisand, Scarlett Johansson, Nicole Kidman, Steven Spielberg, Jon Bon Jovi, and Sigourney Weaver. And a 20 lb swag bag stuffed with goodies. What is this, the Oscars?

Nope, it’s the increasingly popular “nerd prom”, the White House Correspondents Dinner where  the press gets to um…why does it exist really?  Well, it’s a fundraiser. And the President shows up and makes some jokes about his fellow politicians who are also in attendance and everyone eats a fancy meal. And the correspondents feel like they have power and influence -especially if they are lucky enough to bring a celebrity as a guest, or get a shout out from POTUS.

Here’s what’s in the 20 lb goodie bag, sponsored by Time and People magazines (copies of which are thankfully included):

Alba Botanica, Alex and Ani, California Baby, C Wonder, Demeter Fragrance, Eastern Collective, Edge Shave Gel, Georgetown Cupcake, GoGo squeeZ, GoMarco In., Good Karmal, Grooming Lounge, Happy Socks, Herban Essentials, illy issimo, Incase, JASON, John Masters Organics, Justin’s, KIND Healthy Snacks, Kusmi Tea, LeSportsac (the bag itself), L’Oreal Paris, MADHOUSE by Michael Aram, Manduka, Neuro Drinks, Peeled Snacks, Pirate’s Booty, Praim Gorup, Preserve Products, PRITI NYC, Purely Elizabeth, Quinn Popcorn, Red Bull, Revision Skincare, RUSK, SAMY FAT HAIR, Sara Kety Baby, Schick, Scholastic, Sheila G’s Brownie Brittle, Somersault Snack Co., SpaRitual, Starbucks, Stila, Supersmile, TableTopics, Taza Chocolate, Theo Chocolate, Toyota (alas, a mug, not a car), Twistband, Urbanhalo Headbands, VEGA, Weleda.

What’s missing? Um, knee pads?

So pull up your unsponsored snack food item of choice, and let’s live blog this lame duck White House Correspondents dinner. It will certainly have some zingers, though let’s face it, ours here will be funnier.

This Elvis stuff is off the hook. Last week it was reported that Paul Kevin Curtis, an Elvis impersonator, was suspected as the perp behind the mailed ricin attacks against POTUS, Mississippi Sen. Roger Wicker, and a local judge . (In all fairness, besides Elvis Curtis also does Jerry Lee Lewis, Kid Rock, Prince, and Freddy Fender.) While he was in jail being investigated, in a bizarre act not motivated by sequined spangled solidarity:

A 53-year-old career Elvis impersonator from Iowa engaged police in a 30-hour standoff on Sunday after a property dispute led to the man discharging a shotgun at officers and threatening to kill himself.

Michael Reed, known for playing the faux Elvis Pressley character “Micky King” for more than 30 years, was confronted by police on Saturday after a warrant was issued for his arrest stemming from an allegation of harassment.

This morning Ricin Elvis was released from jail after the FBI failed to find any ricin making equipment or supplies at his house (does this mean castor oil will now have to be signed for at pharmacies like Sudafed-D?), but the charges are in place. However, before The King-maqué was back in his jumpsuit

Sen. Harry Reid said there was “alleged ricin incident” at Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling in Washington — just days after there was reportedly “white substance” at a base in Virginia.

Now, reports The Atlantic, the FBI is investigating

a Mississippi martial arts instructor named J. Everett Dutschke, who supposedly feuded with Curtis after the latter uploaded a certificate indicating his membership to Mensa, the high IQ organization, to his MySpace page. The Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal reported on Monday that FBI agents had spoken to Dutschke before searching his home in connection to the ricin investigation. “I wasn’t going to be pulled into his fantasy world,” Dutschke told the paper, after admitting that he met Curtis in 2010.

What’s YOUR favorite Elvis era?

The American Library Association has released its list of the most challenged books of the past year, and Fifty Shades of Grey was only number four on the list, beaten out by the charming and funny kid’s book series,  Captain Underpants, Sherman Alexie’s prize-winning “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian,” and Jay Asher’s Thirteen Reasons Why.

The ALA’s  Office for Intellectual Freedom defines a challenge as a

formal, written complaint filed with a library or school requesting that a book or other material be restricted or removed because of its content or appropriateness.

The first three books on the list were considered unsuitable for any age. Fifty Shades of Grey was challenged for its sexytime situations, and some libraries claimed the smutty trilogy was too poorly written to be stocked, according the Guardian. (And yet, Jackie Collins can be found on shelves…)

In the past decade the  top ten list list included works by Mark Twain, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, Maurice Sendak, Judy Blume, J.D. Salinger, John Steinbeck, Harper Lee, and J.K. Rowlings. Nobel Laureate Morrison’s Beloved made the top ten list this year.

The 2012 list of most challenged books is 25% longer than 2011′s but not as extensive as during the last two decades of the 20th century.

Captain Underpants, challenged for

offensive language, unsuited for age group

is so much fun. The book follows the adventures of schoolkids as

they duel Dr. Diaper, tackle the talking toilets, clash with the crazy cafeteria ladies, plot against Professor Poopypants, and wrestle the wicked Wedgie Woman. Overflowing with humor, action, and that world-famous cheesy animation technique, Flip-O-Rama, this boxed collection will make kids laugh until soda comes out their noses.

No doubt the anti-authoritarian tone is what got folks all sandy-pants over Captain Underpants!

Author Dav Pilkey who based the books on his own elementary school experiences, issued this statement:

It’s pretty exciting to be on a list that frequently features Mark Twain, Harper Lee, and Maya Angelou. But I worry that some parents might see this list and discourage their kids from reading Captain Underpants, even though they have not had a chance to read the books themselves.