La Madre Loca

Beautiful princess

2012-01-25T20:06:00.001-08:00

She takes my breath away on a daily basis. Just thought I'd share her.

A little peek into my mind

2012-01-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

- Do you remember that thing you used to love, whatever it was, that made you happy every day. And then you lost the thing and couldn't find it and you were devastated, and then 14 years later you find it in a box and you are so happy that you cry. I feel that whenever I remember this website exists. No explanation should be needed.

- The League. If you have Netflix watch both seasons and then come back here and tell me how much you love it. You don't have to like football, or even know anything about football, to enjoy the hilarity. DO NOT WATCH WITH KIDS PRESENT. Unless they are too young to learn to say things like "take a ride on my suck-stick". You have been warned.

- There are a few blogs that I read with regularity, mostly because I've added them to my Google Reader on my phone. I can't believe I ever kept track of my favorite blogs any other way, so here are a few that I adore.

My Daguerreotype Boyfriend. If I even have to explain why this website is an obsession you don't know me at all.
Fuck Yeah, Victorians! Paintings, clothing, old articles and recipes from the Victorian Era. This blogger updates a lot, and very rarely do I skip even one post. This particular image was a recent personal fave.
Ten Sexy Ladies. The dude that writes this also has a Twitter feed, and while I find Twitter repugnant on so many levels his stuff is hilarious in both locations.
Adventures of Ange. She's a pal of mine, check her out.
The Pioneer Woman Cooks. Yes, Ree is a little over the top with her hallelujahs and amens about everything from butter to brussel sprouts, but I've made her Perfect Pot Roast so I know she can put her money where her mouth is.

- This started off as an old blog that had never been posted, but I managed to eek out a whole post, combining a little bit of the past and some of the present. As for my future, can you say HOT SPRINGS. Thermopolis in less than a week, Chico for two kid-less nights in less than 40 days.

And in my even more immediate future..... bed, sleep, and another 2 weeks in my current job. So excited to learn something new!

Crock Pot Weekend - Synopsis

2012-01-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

So all in all, Crock Pot Weekend was a success. Taco soup was super good, I served over tortilla chips with a dollop of cream cheese and a hearty dash of monterey jack cheese. I even have some for lunch tomorrow.

I will be trying out my new YMCA membership this week by attending yoga on one of the 4 nights it's offered. I can change at work while my car warms up, and then my plan is to have dinner ready when I get home, by way of having some split pea soup cooking in the crock pot all day. Most of my desire to try this crock pot stuff on the weekends is making sure it's stuff that won't overcook by the time we get home to eat it.

The Y membership is exciting in lots of ways, but rather than bore you with all the reasons we thought it would be good to join I'll instead bore you with our upcoming weekend plans.

Elora turned 5 January 19th (Happy Fifth Birthday, honey, I hope you've mellowed out a bit since that date to when you're able to read this post), so as part of her never-ending parade of birthday revelry we are going to take her and her brother to Thermopolis, Wyoming for a little weekend of family fun. We have some friends in a little town nearby who have kids, and that's pretty much like built-in entertainment for people with kids, meaning our kids expect us to entertain them less because they have other people to keep them occupied. One is even a little less than a month younger than Elora, so he will be 5 next in February. So, barring weather shenanigans that can't be controlled we will be heading south come Friday evening.

I hope that everyone has enjoyed a tremendously awesome 2012 thus far, and here's hoping it only gets groovier from here on out. I know that my 2012 will officially feel more relaxed in exactly 40 days. Damn you, leap year, for making February unnaturally long!

Crock Pot Weekend Part 2 - Taco Soup

2012-01-22T05:19:00.001-08:00

I solicited for ground beef recipes on facebook last weekend and got lots of good ideas. One that I thought sounded just unusual enough to experiment with was Taco Soup. It's crock pot friendly, and as you can see from my ingredient picture includes dry ranch dressing mix. So this morning I woke up early (5ish) and got started on it.

First I got a little more than a pound of ground beef browned up. I chopped up one of those onions and set that aside. Then I started throwing it together.

Let me be clear: I planned to use the tomato paste but didn't. And the green chiles were in my pantry so I threw them in because green chiles are delicious. They weren't part of the original plan. It's called kitchen improv. Go with it.

All canned goods went in with their liquid, and I added one extra cup of water after mixing it all up since I am cooking it for 6 hours. A friend of mine said she added a can of V-8 so that is also an option. The meat and onions got added at then end, and now it's cooking on low while I drink coffee and read a book.

Now I wait. But I will be posting the conclusion of Crock Pot Weekend once some pals come over and tuck in. I have a feeling my kids will love it, considering they both GOBBLED UP those enchiladas last night.

Crock Pot Weekend Part 1 Updated

2012-01-21T15:48:00.001-08:00

So this is the first crock pot creation of this weekend. This was two 1 pound pieces of pork loin, a can of enchilada sauce, and a little over 7 hours on low. I added a few splashes of Cholula (which is pretty much the best hot sauce to accompany Mexican food EVER) and a handful of chopped cilantro. I'm about to start rolling enchiladas right after I post this blog. Tomorrow, taco soup!

***Updated info*** I used red sauce because that is what I had. It turned out pretty wet, so you can either use a bigger piece of pork than I did or reduce the sauce to half a can. I also added (at my brother's urging) a brick of low fat cream cheese to the meat, and we put some refried beans in before rolling. I really wish I had had some green sauce, but for all red sauce the whole thing was pretty dynamite.

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2012-01-18T03:24:00.000-08:00

What if you only got to see what the government allowed when you came to La Madre Loca? Click, read, learn.

My Food Network Kitchen & #200!

2012-01-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

Alright, to start off with this blog will be my 200th blog post on La Madre Loca! I have a few yet unpublished gems sitting in draft format, made up mostly of political and sociological rants and some really profound expressions of my desire to change the world. I might have to go through and just post a few of the drafts just to entertain you, my readers.

My Food Network Kitchen
I tend to spend a lot of time at home in my kitchen. Cooking, chatting on the phone, eating, cooking some more, dancing with my kids. When we have people over I tend to start over-explaining to anyone within earshot what exactly it is I'm doing and why I'm doing it. My friend Morgan (who is in the process of starting her own blog, welcome to the blogging unisphere!) likes to mock me without mercy because I seem to be suffering from delusions of being a Food Network chef.

I don't even have to be cooking something to explain, with intricate detail, what I'm doing when changing a song on the mp3 player, or putting away my dishes, or pulling a bag of chips out of the pantry. Minute, inane chatter that really could go without saying.

Things like:
I'm going to stir this pot, then I'm going to check to see if I have enough salt in it.
Once these dishes are put away I'm going to sweep the floor.
After I finish this beer I'm going to make the kids a cuppy of milk.
I like to chop my cilantro using scissors, it is much easier than chopping with a knife.

These are all things that I think I have relayed to anyone in the kitchen with me, regardless of whether they really care. I can't even stop myself. If you've ever been in my kitchen (and if you have you probably loved whatever I made you, right?!) you'll know that my breakfast counter faces my cooking area, and you've probably been a captive audience to some of the above verbal shenanigans. If you notice me giving a monologue of every action in the kitchen, please just pretend like you're filming me, which means you can't give your commentary on my commentary.

And please don't say anything about my lack of looking directly in the camera. I don't claim to be Food Network's next star, but I do like to live with the illusion that I could be if I really, really wanted to.

All About My Mom

2011-12-30T06:08:00.000-08:00

My mom came and stayed a week with us while my daycare was closed for the Christmas holiday. She has done this the last couple years, and this year, as part of my way of telling her how thankful I am, I thought I'd write a little blog about her. She reads my blog, she comments, so I know she'll probably be thaaaaa-rilled to be a topic of one!

My mom, who many of you know, is Darla. I feel weird posting her last name, partially because she hyphenates it, and also she already has enough problems with buying things online herself and having her credit card information stolen that I'm not about to make it easier for someone to steal her identity.

Darla still lives in my hometown, out on a homestead with my dad (cantankerous old man that he is) and my little sister, Tona (cantankerous 11 year old that she is). She also has a dog, Gizmo, whom she has found a little furry life partner in. Gizmo and I don't really get along, but he's here staying for the week. And he's still alive. Nuff said.

Darla... I can't even find a good starting point to begin to describe her. So I will instead begin to explain all the ways I'm MOST like her. That will illustrate what a fiery little dynamo she is.

- We're both short. She's shorter.
- We're brunette.
- We love to laugh.
- We like to tell stories that make people laugh (Sidebar: I'm considering becoming stand-up comedienne. More to come!)
- Some might call us "crazy". I prefer the term "colorful".
- We both love my kids, but she gets to spoil them and I get to be the hard ass. (Sidebar: I think I should also become a private detective, and get a reality show, and have my mom be on it so we could do good cop/bad cop interrogations and solve mysteries. More to come!)

My mom is giving. Almost to a fault, but I think that brings up a huge difference I find between my mother and I. She is very giving, and I'm considerably less giving. I give charitably on occasion, but Darla goes out and gets an entire family presents for Christmas. She wrapped each and every one of the gifts, with a name tag and spent hours doing it, for people she hadn't met. They were just a family that she knew that were in need. She tries to make sure she's available to those that really need her. She's a life-long friend, unless you do something like lie to her, but if you are good to her she'll be a listening ear and shoulder to cry on whenever you need one.

She's also currently going back to school full time to further her degree in nursing, and I thus far have not even called MSU to find out about seeing an advisor (or paying my 11 year old parking ticket). She just completed a semester and will be carrying a full course load in January. The last few years have been a little bit of a quagmire of medical crap and she hasn't always been feeling 100%, but 2011 really got a kick in the ass when she decided to make some big life changes, so far all for the better, and I couldn't be more thrilled to see my mom excited and determined to finish what she started.

Also, she cleaned my entire kitchen, you guys. Top to bottom. My kitchen hasn't looked like this since I moved in. I didn't ask her to, it wasn't part of her staying here, but I feel like a thank you card will be in order for how much she (and Tona) did while they were here. She tries to make my life easier, she encourages me to follow my dreams and she is a role model for me in a lot of ways, just as I hope to one day be a role model for the kind of person I want Elora to be.

To all my readers, please offer Darla a hearty thanks for being such a good mom to an ingrate like me. Without her, there would be no "La Madre Loca". She's the original, she's the best, and I love her very much. Thanks for being amazing, Mom! ILYBAM!

Toot Toot!

2011-12-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

I completely spaced mentioning in my last blog, or on Facebook, that I was recently offered and accepted a position as an Eligibility Administrator with the company I work for. This really isn't a "promotion" promotion, it involves taking on a lot more work and knowing I may have to put in a little more than the standard 40 hours a week (45 at the most). But I'm really excited and looking forward to bringing my own special flare to the position.

I don't get to start the position immediately, but when my current department has hired some new peeps and trained them I'll get to start the new job. I love what I do right now, and I will probably miss it more than I even realize when I move to the new department, but I think that I will rock the new gig. Like a hurricane. A hurricane of efficiency.

**Super special gem**
We were watching the new Conan the Barbarian with Elora this last weekend... and before I go on I realize how many levels that statement is wrong on. But I repeatedly checked in on whether she was handling her shit when it came to watching the warrior do his warrior's work and she assured me that she "liked blood". Well, as with most Conan movies there was a little bit of titties and then a little bit of "foot washing" if you get the euphemism, and Thad didn't cover her young eyes before she saw two sweaty bodies clinging to each other like life depended on it. As her eyes were covered she giggled and said "They were crotch lovers". CROTCH. LOVERS. So wrong on so many levels. But also the most hilarious comic gold I've ever witnessed, and it was FREE IN MY LIVING ROOM. I've wondered when the idea of two naked people wrestling would start to create questions. Now I realize she already has the basic gist and no explanation is required. Aren't you glad you scrolled down!?!

And I'm Spent

2011-12-26T20:58:00.000-08:00

December 26th. Boxing Day. The final day off of my three day weekend. Granted, next weekend is also a three day weekend so you won't hear me complaining. But after the anticipation of Christmas and its subsequent passing it is kind of nice to see it on its way out the door. I don't mind turning off the Christmas carols for about 10 months or so.

The kids managed to get a ton of toys from mommy, daddy, grandparents, and the big S. Elora got a Leappad, which is pretty cool if you don't mind your kid staring at a screen for long hours at a time. I don't. I do it myself. They might as well get used to it if they plan on working for their living. Or if they plan to write a blog on their smartphone while their kids watch "The Coneheads" while curled up with their daddy. Because that's how things get done, kids.

Colter got a rocking horse that whinnies and shakes its tail, who goes by the name of Horse. He yells "YAH" very loudly and very repeatedly. This is in addition to the soft body, realistic T-Rex that he yells "RAWR" on a loud, repeated basis as well. The kids spent the whole day with unbrushed teeth and had candy for breakfast, and I had several spicy red beers and tried (unsuccessfully) to watch the last Indiana Jones movie. It was a pretty nice day.

Mommy and daddy managed to get a new 360 and Kinect with some of the gift money we got, and my mom got me silverware and new kitchen utensils that I both wanted/needed, and a pair of fuzzy Hello Kitty pants that make my mind melt with their softness. Thad got a big fuzzy soft robe and some grill accessories.

Christmas is always a little magical because I get to spend some time with my friend Jen, who you may recall from a little blog post I put up a few months ago after her last visit. We had an effing amazing time out on Friday night. Many beers were consumed (Hoegarden! Cause we're hoes!) and a few songs were sung. I really need to expand my karaoke repertoire on of these days, I do "Me and Bobby McGee" because I rock it, but I should start keeping a list of songs on my phone so I have a library of songs I would love to sing. And I'm making it a personal quest to get out to Portland this year to visit her and go on a culinary journey of epic proportions.

Coming up this weekend: a mulligan on my birthday movie night with Morgan. "Young Adult" never came to Billings, so we have decided to go with "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and some Burger Dive. And our New Years Eve will be spent at home, making Vietnamese food and have a few friends over. I haven't looked forward to New Years Eve in a while, since the days before we had kids when we spent every year partying in a cabin in Red Lodge. 2012 is going to be awesome, I just feel it in my bones!

Celebrity Headlines

2011-12-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

I am a daily reader of snarky gossip, specifically wwtdd and thesuperficial (I also occasionally reference dlisted when I am in need of a big flaming heap of ridiculousness like Prince Hot Ginge and Rojo Caliente). I had clicked a link to read a little blurb about Jennifer Aniston (who I love loathe, and also pity) when I see that Demi Lovato has died her hair red.

I wondered what it would be like for every mundane detail of my life to be broadcast as it is for a celebrity (especially headlines that include BIG WORDS And smaller text that usually indicates something less shocking than the giant text) so I decided to put them into a draft titled "Mary Rose's Celebrity Headlines", which I may or may not revert to a draft again later and add to (if I were a betting woman I would probably put my money on the "may not" in that statement).

Without further ado.....
Mary Rose's
LARGE CELEBRITY HEADLINES 2011
Where the glamorous meets the ridulousness, with a dash of sassy!

- MR GOES ON

HAIR HYGIENE STRIKE!
"I will wash my hair when all other children can wash their hair" says working mother of 2 (Sources reveal she's just lazy).

-SECRET SHOCKING

LIES MARY ROSE TELLS HER CHILDREN!
When will she tell them there really is no "secret camera to the North Pole" in the cookie jar?!?!

-SWAN FAMILY
BARELY HANGING ON!
"The holidays usually requires a minimum of 2 thirty-packs, and Mary only bought one!", a source close to the family reveals.

That's all I have at the moment. I could work for more, but then it wouldn't feel as organic as these headlines did. Which is why I probably couldn't work for any newpaper in the world.

From boobs voyage

Since this might be my last post before Christmas (holy crap, it's Christmas already!) I am including a holiday-esque picture of the kids I took this morning. Elora makes a weird face instead of smiling, and Colter is just.... Colter. Man, I love these two. They pretty much rock my world on a daily basis.

What's on my mind right now?

2011-12-12T14:07:00.001-08:00

- Breakfast for dinner.... French toast, breakfast links filled with Wisconsin cheese, maybe a little fruit (canned, but still fruit).

- 81 days until Chico Weekend 2012 with McWirth's. March might be too long for my muscles to go without a soak in the restorative waters, so Elora might get a birthday trip there in January. I heart Olympia in a natural hot spring when it's snowing. What can I say, I have discerning taste.

- Christmas shopping. Have to figure out what to get my bro/sis in law (any suggestions Jamie?) and nieces and nephews. I'm glad I took Friday off to finish up without kids around.

- Christmas music has been my non-stop soundtrack for 2 weeks, including all weekend long. I can't do anything but sing them, hum them, sing them some more. In the car, at work, then in the car, then in every store I go into, and also at home. I'm just going to let this holiday current drag me offshore like an undertow, further and further from the Mary Rose that finds all this holiday BS completely ridiculous. And BTW, I just realized that after this weekend it IS Christmas. I'm so glad this madness is almost over!

- Saturday = birthday date with my hetero lifemate, Mrs. McWirth. "Young Adult", then tapas at Walker's. I've been craving their steamed clams in a delicious broth of .... deliciousness. And a loaf of crusty bread for dipping. And calamari. Plus, Charlize Theron looks awesome as a mean girl, so I must admit I'm happy we picked the perfect weekend to watch a movie I'm actually looking forward to with genuine anticipation.

- I hate how news stories like this make me feel about the country I live in (we're kind of a bunch of assholes, is what how I'm interpreting this). THE EXTREME RIGHT WING HAS AN AGENDA TOO, PEOPLE, IT'S CALLED DUMBING DOWN AMERICA. If we're dumber they can control us. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

- Colter says "help me" a lot. He just did it, as a matter of fact. He also kisses me, then wipes his mouth and says "ew". I did this once to him because his kiss covered my mouth with snot one day, and now he won't let me forget it.

- Elora is almost 5. Did you hear that? That's the sound of the wind being knocked from my lungs. She's tall enough to wash her hands nearly completely unaided at the kitchen sink. She doesn't quite reach the handle for the faucet, but STILL. She loves to have her back tickled for an a length of time that I would say borders on extreme, but I do it anyways.

- Work is.... sigh. Tis the season to be pretty much up to our eyeballs anyways, and add to it that we're running a little understaffed and that makes for a very busy day. But I'm excited for some upcoming projects I've been asked to work on. I loooooove when I get handpicked for a project, my little brown nose practically glows with delight!!

- We're set for a weekend of houseguests (In-laws, holla!) and I am trying to think of a real "wow" something to make. Thad pulled up a recipe for Horseradish Crusted Steak Roulade, which seems a little optimistic, but also quite delicious.

- Thad and I are considering a tropical vacation, mommy and daddy only, in late 2012, early 2013. We've almost been married for 10 years, and neither of us has ever needed a passport. Now, to figure out where to go!

- Love my hair. Love it curly. Love it straight. Love the length, the style, I can't believe I fought this look for so long. Never fighting again.

Alright, time to start beating my children into submission (i.e. making them brush their teeth before bed). Thanks to everyone for making my last post with pictures of my boobs the most successful blog post I've ever had. I'm glad I have such a large group of internet creepers that wanted to see how my boobs look. You all make me so proud.

Internet, say hello to....

2011-12-10T07:44:00.001-08:00

My little friends.

Elora took this snap today when I asked her to take a picture of my bed head. I think that it captures the childlike wonder of the new breasts, the promise of possibilities and the return of my ability to believe. I'm simply overflowing with Blarney today. I have to say that I am having a great morning with my children and Elora is going to be a very smart kindergartener. Maybe the smartest ever.

I added a picture of my favourite blouse (I love the word blouse). This was super cheap at Ross and I love it. Too bad the day I wore it to work I had chills and body aches and had to wear a sweater over it.

The fine line between "Thrifty" and "Cheap"

2011-12-03T19:42:00.001-08:00

This weekend I went shopping for new clothes with a dear friend of mine, Angie of recent "Malarial Outbreak 2011" fame. Angie has known me a long time, and in the course of our friendship I have asked her on several occasions to shop with me when I need new clothes. Because I am frightfully cheap and sometimes need someone to talk me IN to purchasing things. Ludicrous, I know.

She ended up helping me wrangle a healthy chunk of change into submission on a shitload of awesomeness. I've spent all week wearing the work-appropriate garb that we picked up, and I have loved all of it. I have one blouse/slacks combo that hasn't been worn yet, just waiting to my pants to be hemmed, but she got me some really excellent stuff.

If I were a better photographer, or someone who wasn't complete lazy when it comes to taking pictures, I would have pictures of all these fabulous outfits. But I'm not neither of those things, so you are left with the following verbal description of our plunder: 1 fitted short jacket, 1 pair black pants, 2 pairs grey pants, 2 pairs khakis, 4 blouses, 2 sweater, 1 sweater dress, 1 pair of suede flat knee-high boots (kids size 4, holla for having doll-size feet!), and some hosiery.

My favorite parts about shopping with Angie are as follows:

- She's a great person to spend an afternoon with, and a glass of wine/beer.
- She has a great eye, and a great sense of style. She's putting this sweater together with that belt, and calculating how many layering tanks you'll need to make this sweater work. She can also talk me into tailoring, which is kind of a feat in itself.
- She's incredibly frugal, which is the only reason why I trust her to really encourage purchases she knows that I might balk at price-wise but will appreciate in the long run. She dresses like an East Coast woman on a trailer park woman's budget!

I hope that somehow she gets to make this gift she has into something she could do for a living. If any woman could acquire a small nest of egg of clothes buying money (and really, it doesn't take a fortune when you know where to look) Angie could help you spend it and walk away with no buyers remorse.

Hit me up if you're interested in seeing what Miss Angie can do for you, and be prepared to try on lots of clothes. She doesn't put up with anyone saying their tired while trying on their 3rd top. Trust me, I know.

The eve of 31

2011-12-02T22:48:00.001-08:00

Well, in about 15 minutes (don't check the timestamp, as it will be incorrect) I turn 31. Here are a few thoughts on this being the Friday night before my birthday:

I don't miss going to bars to celebrate events. I know that sounds ridiculous after the whole Boobs Voyage thing, but that event was the "event". Sometimes you just really want a reason to get your friends together in one place and have something to celebrate. Tonight I'm not feeling "it". I haven't really felt "it" since my surgery, and I can't say I miss "it".

I'm staring to feel a tickle in my nose, accompanied with stuffy runniness. Excellent. NOT.

Tonight was the company Christmas party for my work, and I did get to wear my flapper dress one more time this year, which was the whole reason I paid the exorbitant sum that I did to buy it before Halloween. There was a hypnotist, and I volunteered to be hypnotized. I guess I'm more susceptible to hypnotism than I thought, because while I do recall bits and pieces of what I did, I also had a huge amount of focused blank spot induced by yoga breathing and I was the most relaxed I've ever been afterwards.

Well, by the time I got this much typed my words are nearly being written with my eyes clothes, I'm that exhausted. And it's 12:03 on 12:03! Bedtime for me so I can get up for my bountiful basket at 7 am and going shopping for new clothes! What an awesome way to spend your birthday. I might even splurge on a dinner of splendiferous Indian food, you just never know! I love birthdays for the excuse to do whatever you want (although my dreams rarely become reality). Take care this 12/3!

Post-Thanksgiving Giving of Thanks

2011-12-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

So last week I didn't even wind up getting drunk and still didn't manage to get a Thanksgiving blog in, so I'm remedying the situation a week by sharing some gratitude in written form.

First, I need to thank my mothers. Both my own mother and my mother-in-law are the best grandmothers my kids could ask for. My mother has taken care of me through a lot of serious medical issues, so I was grateful to have her there for something that was actually going to be a positive for my health. My mother-in-law is amazing, she's truly the best "other mother" I could ask for. She loves me like her own and I'm blessed to have her in my life (you too, Papa Bryan).

Thad, you are my rock, even when you are not always terribly nice to me. You put up with some of my more amazing shenanigans and still manage to love me unconditionally, even when you don't seem to like me (it's true, we're like cats and dogs sometimes). You stuck with me during really crappy stuff, you've been there when our children came into the world and you've been an amazing father and husband. You're my viking, and I love you so big it surprises me sometimes.

Elora and Colter, thank you for being so good for your grandparents when you spent time with them in Colstrip. You got spoiled rotten, which is the best part of staying with grandparents, and I am so happy you're home, you're healthy (at the moment) and you're mine.

MORGAN- you're the yin to my yang. I love that you live life like you're rolling nothing but Yahtzee's, and I so appreciate your coming and spending the day with me after surgery. I'm looking forward to our bestie vacation in February (Chico!), and I fully expect my own pan of homemade Snickers this year! Love you, bunny!

I have a lot of other folks that wished me luck and checked on my progress after surgery, so thank you all for your kind wishes and your prayers. I'm attending my company Christmas Party tomorrow night and I hope to get a nice picture so I can post some pictures of my "after".

Only 24 more shopping days until Christms! Yikes, I better get on it!

One week later...

2011-11-23T04:43:00.001-08:00

Wow, a week ago today I was anxiously preparing to go to the surgery center. The older I get the more time-dissociative I become, because that feels like a year ago. But Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which also doesn't seem right, so I don't know if this is because I play "Gardens of Time" on Facebook and the storyline has now started to mess with my head.

Aaaanyways, one week later I'm really happy with my results. The incisions are definitely healing, and they look pretty gross, but all in all I think they'll definitely look better with more time. I've been on Tylenol only since Monday and have been doing pretty good, I've even driven a couple places by myself. I will admit I miss the sleepiness of the sweet, sweet nectar the doctor gives you, but that's probably why not taking it all week is going to be better for everyone's Thanksgiving. Someone's got to pull this thing outta their ass, and it might as well be me.

So the kids are home! Huge sigh of relief, and I will be writing a big postful of thankfulness tomorrow to those that made their little getaway possible. Even though they were complete shits when they got home I am still so happy to have them sleeping in their room. Knowing that their there and that they will continue to be there for the next 4 days.

I knew that there would be a little weirdness with Colter because I can explain to Elora that mommy had surgery that took off a big chunk of her boobs, and she can see the incisions (only the tops, I'm not sure if she could handle seeing the scabby mess at the bottom right now), but Colter B has no idea what happened. It was hilarious, last night he came and snuggled me in the kitchen where I sat and visited with my parents, and he just could NOT get comfortable. Back against me, side against me, finally he laid with his chest against me and his arms crossed over his own chest exactly where my boobs would be. It was a teeny bit heartbreaking, but I'm sure he won't be psychologically damaged. Both his parents are insurance holders so I guess we'll worry about mental health benefits if and when he needs them.

My holiday list seems almost made, and I'm opting to keep things very simple, extremely inexpensive, but thoughtful. I'm not a crafter, that Boobs Voyage shirt in this post is one of the few things I have ever gone to a craft store with a specific purpose in making. I can crochet, but I haven't tried anything in the last couple years so I will just buy my gifts, thank you very much.

Well, I'm off to check Black Friday ads. I refuse to go out, but I have one very crazy friend who will be grappling the crowds, and I need to see if I can find a sweet deal on a couple electronic items while she's there. Be back tomorrow with a Turkey Day Toast (and I might be drunk blogging, how fun!)

Aloneness

2011-11-19T04:51:00.001-08:00

This morning, it is completely quiet except the sound of my typing and the Xbox humming in the background. Thad has dressed warmly and packed his hunting equipment to set out into the wilderness. He's been trying to get an elk for the last 5 years, and I'm hopeful that he will go to some random location and find the elk of his dreams waiting for him.

The kids are at grammy's, and when I remember this fact it gives me a dual feeling of excitement and homesickness. I miss their little faces, and their little feet, and although I am completely fine with missing the diaper changes I would happily change a big, stinky one right this minute to get a kiss and a hug from both my kids this morning.

But in the spirit of honesty, I'm also RELISHING this time. Savoring it like a fine wine. (Sidebar: Thad bottled his wine last night, more later) This silence, the fact that Thad is also gone, is a deep silence. I might turn my phone to silent just to keep with the theme. There are no thumps and no sneezes and no deep, sweet breathing of sleeping babes in harmony with the sound of steam from their humidifier. Can you both long for something but also appreciate its absence while it's away? God, could I be more profound this morning!?

Later today I plan to devote a large chunk of time to sitting down with my laptop and figuring out a Christmas List and start planning that shit out. We have a few things picked out for the kids, but I haven't really looked around the sneak previews of the Black Friday ads to see what's going to be out there. I love that there is underground Black Friday stuff, like it's its own bizarre Fight Club to know what will be on sale on the most miserable shopping day of the year.

Recovery: Day 2

2011-11-18T19:14:00.001-08:00

So today I got to watch movies and have lunch at Red Robin while enjoying time with my bestie Morgan. We had an awesome day of chick flicks (Crazy Stupid Love, The Matchmaker, and Dirty Dancing) and polished the day off with 4 rousing games of Yahtzee. We also developed a new philosophy on life, one based on living life to the fullest, one which can be embodied in the words "Livin' life like I want nothing but Yahtzees!!!!" As soon as I started playing like I wanted nothing but Yahtzees my game went to crap, so it's a great philosophy in theory but I wouldn't recommend making life choices based on this mentality.

I've also been working my way through the ENORMOUS world map on Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Seriously, it's gigantic, in a semi-intimidating way. I'm proud that I've figured out a few tricks for myself, like how to keep my companion alive and always know where I leave her, and that rather than trying to find a land route everywhere sometimes it's just better to jump into a river and follow it until you reach new destinations.

The kids are having fun at grandma and grandpas house. They don't call us daily, but we have gotten some pictures and we've video chatted with them on our PS3. Technology is pretty amazing, let me tell you! I'm more and more thankful for it every day, even if it will one day rise up and destroy us.

Morgan got to see the new boobs today. Survey says: they're pretty gross right now but she was very impressed with how much they managed to take off, and how much smaller it has made me. Even swollen today it's amazing to see. I can't wait to see them in 8 weeks, they can only get better looking and better feeling by then.

Alright, I'm about 30 minutes away from another dose of pain meds and some sleepy time. Call me if you want to come visit this weekend!

Yesterday!

2011-11-16T18:36:00.001-08:00

So yesterday was the day! I am now smaller chested, fresh and free and feeling fabulous. Oh, and I'm on pain meds (can you tell?).

Admittedly, I was pretty nervous before the surgery. I tried to focus more on the excitement of being free from back pain, but the fear of pain still outweighed the excitement. In the end I just kind of had to fake my brave face and go face the proverbial bear in the face. I don't know what proverb that is from, but let's go with it. Also, that was a lot of uses of the word "face".

So the doctor came in and drew a pattern on my boobs. And by pattern I mean dress pattern. Full on darts and shit. He used a big Sir Marks A Lot and a big clear ruler, and drew lines from my collar bone to my waist. And then he pushed them up and around and over to show me what they were going to be doing. They took me into the OR after they drew all over my chest, and at one point I was so surprised that we were already ready to get started that I said through my oxygen mask "Is it go time?" which the nurses and anesthesiologist found quite funny. The other memory that I carry fondly from right before I went out like a light was that they were playing music in the OR, and the song that happened to be playing was Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight". It seemed really profound at the time.

The surgery went really well. Super duper well. I came out of anesthesia like awakening from a dream, and after I sat in recovery and had some crackers and juice it was time to load up and hit the road. My experience with Dr Muskett has been fantastic, the man knows his stuff. I also have nothing but kind words to say about the very nice folks at Yellowstone Surgery Center, they are fantastic.

Today I went in to have my bandages removed, and I got to see the new size/shape. I am so happy, even though they're currently quite gross looking. They are perky, perkier than they've been since I was in high school. And so much smaller. I could put my hands under and over my breast and had tons of excess skin that my hands couldn't cover. Now my hands nearly covers the entire breast.

Holy cow, the fatigue of surgery is one that I've forgotten since my last one, which was Colter's birth in 2009. This blog was started yesterday, but between the fatigue and pain meds I had little to no ability to finish a blog post. Even now, as I type, my eyelids are drooping and I could nap. So I will.

Coming up: Thanksgiving in Casa Swan, where I don't cook or clean at all prior to the festivities so I enjoy them soaked in guilt gravy!

Crafty Like a Fox

2011-11-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

First off, we are almost a week away from surgery. Holy cow, how did the time pass so quickly from this to being a week away from surgery? It feels like April was 30 years ago, but in a surreal, it-only-happened-yesterday kind of way. I had planned to do a little party for myself when I was trying to get the surgery done in April, so I decided to go full-steam ahead into the idea a second time.

I happen to be of the opinion that something doesn't really happen unless you do something to document said event. Which is why I will go to my grave never having "seen" Muse in concert because we have no photographic evidence that we drove all the way to Denver to see them, apart from one photo Thad took of me drinking a michelada at the Mile High Flea Market at 10 in the morning. But damn, that thing was good, it had a spicy salt on the rim that made the world an alright place to be in. But I digress.

So if you followed the last paragraph up until I started talking about beer, I knew that I needed to do my best to make sure that if I was going to go to the trouble of throwing a party for myself I better make it the most Mary Rose-ish party there ever was. So the commemorative t-shirt was born.

From boobs voyage

So I created a tasteful, elegant shirt that indicated that this girl was out celebrating her soon-to-be freedom. It got a lot of stares, I saw a lot of people reading it that then turned to their tablemates to indicate that there was a lunatic with ginormous boobies running around The Vig with a t-shirt that said Tits Ahoy. And the rest, as they say, was history.

From boobs voyage

I posted all my party pictures on Facebook, so I don't feel a huge desire to recreate the photo sharing wheel by posting a photo blog on the event so I'm just posting the one above to really display what the shirt looked like on.

As for the party, let's just say that we had a good time. A lot of folks couldn't make it for various reasons, but the folks that did make it MADE it. My brother didn't buy me one single beer, but he did rock out 'Whiskey in a Jar' at the Play Inn. My friend Misty's fiance has the voice of an angel, the face of an Adonis, he loves her to the point where it is almost impossible not to "awwww" when they look at each other, and he introduced me to Hoegarden beer, which is exactly what I imagine the beer they crafted in "Beerfest" tastes like. And lots of old friends made it out for the final hurrah. It's amazing that I've known all the folks that came for as long as I have and that they still continue to make time for me in their lives, which is either a testament of how awesomely I pick friends, or they just found my drunken antics of 5+ years ago entertaining to keep tuning in long after motherhood called me its bitch. Either way I'd like to think to think that my rousing rendition of "Me and Bobby McGee" is enough to keep them coming back for more for years to come.

As I type this Thad is getting his stuff loaded up to head out elk hunting. I'll be hoping for a freezer full of meat, but also for my husband's safe return, I worry a little when I know I won't talk to him on a semi-regular basis. I'll be heading to Colstrip this weekend to drop off the kids with grandparents, where they will stay until after surgery. The idea of not having them close for that long is the most unbearable part of this whole procedure. I'll also get to wish one cousin a fond farewell as she departs Colstrip for the Greybull, WY, as well as meeting the newest addition to another cousin's family. Along with helping my mom fix up a playroom for the kids I have a feeling I will have plenty to keep me from dwelling on missing my kids.

I've been trying to jot down ideas for blog posts when they come to me, and I like to think I've got a few future posts planned that will be compelling and rich. I'm putting those in my pocket for the hours of boredom to come while I recover from surgery. I bet you just can't wait.

Thoughts on a Sunday

2011-10-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday, a day of kicking the weekend in the butt and getting things accomplished that you were too lazy to do Saturday. In Casa Swan those things would include: laundry, picking up thirty pounds of toys from the floor and vacuuming, and mentally psyching up to wake up and leave the house for the following 5 days in a row. Today will also include some yummy extras, including a pot roast for dinner, and some baking action.

Today I'm proud because I have enough money to buy food for my family. I work for a living, make a fair wage, and am able to plan meals for my family, whether they are homemade or not, so we can eat each night of the week. I'm lucky and blessed because Thad and I don't have to figure out which one of us goes without because we can afford to feed ourselves and our family. Not every family in the world knows such blessings.

Angie posted about the hunger she has seen in Africa as part of Blog Action Day, and the topic of this global blog community's focus this year is food, and it's absence in the lives of our neighbors, on this continent and all over the globe.

I've never known real hunger. My parents, even when they struggled to pay their bills and keep food on the table, did not ever have to put their kids to bed hungry because they couldn't feed them. My kids don't know hunger more severe than when dinner is later after on a night after mommy and daddy both worked all day. This seems normal, but it's actually pretty luxurious compared to working parents all over the world.

As Americans we've become jaded to what happens in other parts of the world, because in our communities and our lives hunger isn't as prevalent and visible. It's not that it isn't there, but you sometimes have to squint to see it because we've lost our ability to recognize need, and in some ways we've become more selfish as a society with what we feel we owe those less fortunate. The homeless must have "done" something to be that way, is what I think a lot of people think when they see folks at red lights and interstate exits with signs asking for help. But you don't have to be homeless to be hungry. There are plenty of folks that live in homes that still have difficulty affording nutritious food to feed their family.

Today, as I'm cooking and cleaning and folding and, finally, eating, I will be giving thanks that I live a life that allows me little luxuries like McDonald's french fries and cheap red wine. I am thankful that the hunger I feel is easily remedied, and thankful that my kids can feel secure in where there next meal is coming from. I will be thankful that the greatest hardship I face regarding food is getting my husband to just pick something out of the dinner options we normally have available, instead of making me pick something every night.

When you can, donate to your local food bank. Find out if there is a program in your area for assisting local seniors with meals. Or don't do anything at all, but at the very least, BE THANKFUL.

A few excellent quotes on the subject of gratitude:

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance. ~Joseph Addison

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. ~Aldous Huxley

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward

And in the spirit of gratitude, thank you to Angie for taking part in Blog Action Day, and if any of you readers have a gratitude to share, do it in the comments!

Humbled

2011-10-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

My good friend Angie is living in Sierra Leone, which is a pretty BA part of the world. She's pretty much an authentic pioneer woman, a trailblazer in my opinion, and she has had a pretty outrageous bought with malaria recently. Via her writing I get to live something through someone I care about, with them. Even if I don't get to see her daily I get to hear her voice in her writing, and her's is a voice I greatly enjoy.

In her last two most recent posts (#1 here , #2 here) she gives a pretty engaging blow by blow with an almost Dan-Brown-esque series of events that had you eagerly reading to see how it ended. After reading through the 2nd post I was struck by a powerful sense of gratitude. Gratitude that I live in a place that makes healthcare available to my family less than 2 blocks from where we live. Gratitude that I work for an employer that offers me affordable heath benefits and an on-site clinic. And gratitude for the company that I work for, for providing employers with affordable options for their employee's health benefit plans.

I hope everyone that reads my blog takes a detour over to Angie's and checks out her story. I encourage everyone I know to not close your eyes to what is going on in other parts of the world, Africa or otherwise. Whether it's malaria or access to prenatal and maternity care, there are issues that we should make ourselves aware of because whether they are issues for us, our neighbors, or people across a vast ocean, they are issues that impact humanity as a whole.

Peace

Silent Protest

2011-10-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'd like to protest the pro-life protesters, the ones that sit outside Planned Parenthood for 40 days at a time and kneel like they're doing penance for the poor heathens using the clinic. My protest would be based on how many of those protestors have made room in their own home and hearts for a child in need of foster care or adoption. It's easy to be against something when you also don't have to fight for all the children that didn't have a choice in the matter. Thad told me what I would put on a picket sign would be to much to print in a large enough font for someone to get the point while driving past. So instead of standing beside those nasty protestors I'm just going to cyber protest. Like so:

There, I feel much better taking a cyber-stand for something that has been bugging me for at least a week.

And for the record, since I'm sure one or two people that read my blog will probably be appalled that I take pro-choice stance, let me be clear: I'm not pro-abortion. I'm pro-sex education. I'm pro-teaching teenagers about sex and its repercussions instead of telling them to wait until they are married. And I'm actually in favor of taking action against some individuals that think that having a set of reproductive organs gives them a free account for making as many babies as they like without the means to care for them.

Maybe it's a bit liberal and progressive, but whatever has been happening in our culture that has led to the glamorization of "Teen Moms" is exactly why that Planned Parenthood is needed and necessary. And why I think they should feed birth control through water fountains in public high schools across the nation. Vote Swan, 2020!

Birthday Blog for John John!

2011-10-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

From September 2011

Flashback: October 12, 1988

I was a second grader when my brother, John, was born. I was in Mr. Oxford's class, and my mom had been working a long time to have one more baby after having my sister and I, and after trying and trying she'd gotten pregnant and (I think) she knew she was having a boy. If she didn't know she was sure hoping against hope for one.

So while I'm at school I get called to the office because my mom is on her way to have her baby in Miles City. My sister and I spend the night with one of my mom's friends, and we heard the answering machine message telling us we had a new little brother. His name was John Wade. 6lbs, 12 oz, 19 inches of raw man power.... in baby form.

My brother is 8 years my junior, so I've had a lot of fun in my formative years picking on him, but I also consider him one of my best friends. For all the faults I can point out (and as the oldest sibling, I am allowed to point out as many as necessary), I can show you equally how many amazing qualities he has. Musician, athlete, whatever he sets his mind to he achieves. Except vacuuming :)

So this blog post goes out to you, Nicholai, you beautiful beast, you. You make me laugh hysterically, and you also elicit fits of black-out rage, but in either scenario I know you know that I know how special you are. I love you, I hope you have a wonderful birthday, and I plan to make you a pan of something delicious after your big fight this month. If anyone is interested in seeing some grown men roll around half naked on the floor beating the crap out of each other, CLICK THAT LINK!

Happy birthday, John!!!!!! These are two of the best pictures I have of John. The girl with him is his girlfriend Cricket. I pretty much love her!

From September 2011

Trying not to crack up, American Gothic style

From September 2011

Couldn't keep from smiling

La Madre Loca

Beautiful princess

A little peek into my mind

Crock Pot Weekend - Synopsis

Crock Pot Weekend Part 2 - Taco Soup

Crock Pot Weekend Part 1 *Updated*

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My Food Network Kitchen & #200!

All About My Mom

Toot Toot!

And I'm Spent

Celebrity Headlines

What's on my mind right now?

Internet, say hello to....

The fine line between "Thrifty" and "Cheap"

The eve of 31

Post-Thanksgiving Giving of Thanks

One week later...

Aloneness

Recovery: Day 2

Yesterday!

Crafty Like a Fox

Thoughts on a Sunday

Humbled

Silent Protest

Birthday Blog for John John!

Crock Pot Weekend Part 1 Updated