La Sirene Noir

2012-02-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

hey!

what are you doing here?!

Oh. You're looking for me?

I've moved! And I have a newsletter so that you don't miss a thing ever again :)

Pop on over to A Curious Girl to see what's new!

My 2012 Life List

2012-01-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

I don't make resolutions. But this is 3rd year in a row I have done a life list. I like the idea of not only creating a list that it will take me the rest of my life to do, but that I am not in a panic if I don't get things done right away! This year's list differs slightly from last year's. Some things got knocked off and some things got done. So what is on your life list? Feel free to share in the comments!

1) Get passport (I know, I know, this one has been on the to-do list too long!)

2) Restart my jewelry business

3) Be more compassionate to myself daily

4) Visit New York

5) Go to France
6) Get back to N'Awlins

7) get a new bicycle
8) Visit chocolate museum in Spain
9) Live in N'Awlins for the winter
10) visit Alaska, make preserves and fairy magic with Laura and Heather
12) Take more sewing classes
13) Sell a painting (or two. Or six.)

I sold this one to someone who fell in love with it. I realized I need to have a better pricing system, too!

14) Eat dessert at Pierre Herme
15) Attend a tea class at Mariage Frere
16) Become a master tea blender
17) Catch & cook my own crab
18) Visit a tea plantation
19) Eat at Mystic Pizza
20) Get deeper into painting (I have made great stride with faces. Next up, backgrounds!)

21) Learn to crochet clothes (I'm taking two online classes now)

22) Attend a beekeeping class
23) Learn to make cheese
24) Travel to Greece
25) Eat street food in Barcelona and Madrid
26) Eat and drink in the South of France
27) Drink Tokay in Hungary
28) Get back into yoga
29) Learn (better) French
30) Visit Japan: go to food mall in Tokyo and Eat in Kyoto
31) Go to Ireland
32) Eat lobster rolls on the East Coast
33) Eat my way through Portland

34) Remember to breathe

35) Revisit Seattle and actually go where I want
36) See the tulips in Amsterdam
37) Visit Santa Fe
38) Visit the Caribbean
39) Become proficient in Hungarian pastry
40) Learn to make Indian food
41) See the Pyramids
42) Visit the Hermitage
43) Make my own liqueur/Make my own bitters
44) Learn to play piano
45) Record an album of my music
46) Publish a (cook) book (or two. Or three)
47) Learn to swim well

48) Take a train trip
49) Create a clothing line for women (I started sewing classes, so I'm on my way!)
50) take up chocolate sculpture again
51) Publish Walk, Don't Run
52) Own my own tea and dessert shop
53) Be a lounge singer
54) Eat at August/meet John Besh
55) Eat at Herbfarm/meet Ron
56) Learn to make Thai Food
57) Learn to spin fiber

58) Start a shoe line for women with longer feet.
59) Visit Savannah and eat fried shrimp (Thank you, Patricia!)
60) attend a Burlesque show
61) Host my own TV show "Lost Desserts of the World"
62) Visit Austin, Tx. Thanks for the reminder Kristi!
63) swordfighting/knife throwing
64) Take up Archery

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T17:52:00.000-08:00

Doodle: a work in progress

2011-12-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

After cleaning off my desk on Christmas day, I start down with a drawing I'd been working on and doodled into the background. Still working on her, but I thought I would share what I have so far!

There are two classes I really want to take this next year, one from Willowing on drawing and shading and the other from Shwe Thiri Kit on creating art in photoshop. But first, gotta get caught up on my mandala and crochet classes!

Getting Results

2011-12-23T11:56:00.000-08:00

The other day I had to make a phone call to someone I didn't particularly want to talk to regarding a subject I didn't want to discuss. But after being kept again for a week until 3 a.m. or later, I had to call my landlord.

Before that point, we tried talking to the neighbor. We tried talking to the manager. The police have been called. Letters have been written. Other tenants have tried talking to him as well. This ongoing issue has worn both Sascha and I down to the point where over the last six months we have both suffered from depression and bad nerves. In fact the other day I was so upset, I said "Seriously, I have one nerve left and you are slam dancing on it!"

When I made my call, I appealed to her greater sense of kindness by leaving a frank, open message, saying that I simply couldn't be kept up every night until 3 a.m. or later and that we had to come up some sort of solution. I didn't know what that might be, but we needed to find it.

He kept us up until 3 a.m. that night. Nerves shot, we weren't being kind to each other and I decided, at that moment, that this is not following us into 2012. This is not taking over my life the way it has the last 5 months. This is not continuing.

I was in and out throughout the day yesterday and upstairs it was the usual noise fest. That has been part of the issue, that the noise can be constant from about 10 a.m. until somewhere between 3 and 5 a.m. I realize we live in an apartment building but some sort of reprieve is necessary!

Last night, after the mail came, I could hear them walking. And it was different, like they were being conscious of the fact that their floor is our ceiling. There was no shouting, singing or loud music. We both slept. I feel hopeful. And I realize, this is how I am going to achieve my result: if he starts up again, I will make another call. If he keeps me up for a week, she will get a call daily. Because I cannot give myself proper self-care, I cannot share my message with the world, if I am too tired to see straight or think clearly.

If there is something you have been avoiding, you have a week to handle it or it will just follow you into the next year. Get clear, get calm, get results. Get a move on.

Compassion.... and Reality

2011-12-21T15:03:00.000-08:00

The reality is that most people are far more compassionate to others than to themeselves.

I think that should change: we should always offer ourselves the same amount of love, compassion and generosity we offer to others.

I'm starting today.

I intend to be kinder to myself and acknowledge all that I do. All that I have done. I believe if I can be more generous with myself, I can be even more generous with others. Because I deserve love and compassion too.

Don't you?

If I Save Just One Life

2011-12-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

Note: if you get easily sad, you might want to skip this post. I just needed to speak out because the growing numbers of death suicide has got to be addressed, not ignored. It's too distressing for me to look away. If you are reading this and you feel suicidal, please get help immediately. There are people waiting and wanting to help. They just need to know what you need.

Had I known that our holidays as a full family would be cut short so soon, I might have done a few things differently.

You see, 3 1/2 years ago, one of my brothers decided to take his life. It was on a lovely day in June, the day before our youngest brother graduated high school and just days before my birthday. There were many contributing factors that lead to that decision. That wasn't a good day, to say the least. And I am painfully aware that as a family collective, we let him down.

My brother Damien at 18, one year before he died.

While it is my understanding that in the note left behind he laid no blame out our door, we didn't protect him from the person who was hurting him, the person whose love he longed for and couldn't ever get, his birth mother. Being adopted wasn't confusing, the fact that his mother took my mom to court to demand visitation rights and then never came to see him was.

He had also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was unfortunately not on his meds at the time of his death as far as I know. I am writing this because this year has seen a rise of suicide like I haven't really seen since I was a teenager.

Our kids are not just dying, they are choosing to die. They are so afraid to be themselves, they feel frightened and unloved that they are actually choosing to die. And that really scares me.

According to http://www.teendepression.org/related/teen-suicide-statistics/ for every death, there were 10 attempts and that suicide is the 3rd leading cause of teen death. According to the site http://www.teensuicidestatistics.com/statistics-facts.html boys tend to go for lethal and fast. Don't count out the girls, either, because this heartbreaking story tells the true tale.

If it seems weird that I chose this time of year to share this it isn't. I have been hearing more tales over the last few months and it has been pulling at me. I'm worried. Very worried. These are our kids. Our future. Kids want to die because they don't fit in or feel accepted or feel loved or feel like they can speak out and as adults it is our job to create safe spaces for them.

My youngest brother has hard a difficult time with all of this because he feels like he will rock the boat ad upset my mom or my sisters if he talks about how he feels. How he feels is angry. Hurt. Betrayed. He feels silenced and cut off by the fact that if he expresses his disgust with his brother's decision he will be looked down on. This is part of the legacy that is now left, with each of us trying to injure the other on this delicate subject.

I am not worried so much about the race, sex or other identity of the kid so much as I am worried about the kid. And that the person has a safe, comfortable, welcoming space in which they feel loved.If can offer that, to eve just one child, you can safe a life. It doesn't have to be...it probably won't be, your own child. Keep in mind, they will somebodies. And we have to save them, even one life at a time.

Resources to help: http://www.aap.org/advocacy/childhealthmonth/prevteensuicide.htm
http://us.reachout.com/wecanhelpus/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
http://www.sptsusa.org/
http://www.ulifeline.org/main/page/53/SuicidePrevention?gclid=CL35lsGQiK0CFWg0QgodkzzalQ
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/pages/about-it-gets-better-project/

MY 2011 'Did It' List

2011-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

Like many people, I tend to focus on all the things I didn't do and forget about all of the things I did do. Yesterday's post on Scoutie Girl was, oddly enough, about making a list of what you did in 2011 before jumping into what you want to do in 2012.

So last night at 1 a.m. I was up writing down. And the list was pretty big!

I took a sewing class

Made my first skirt

Expanded my money conscience


I crocheted my first hat!

I starting working with a life coach

Opened an Etsy store

I made new Friends!

I started crocheting with wire

I took an Entrepreneur class

Started a new website (debuting in January 2012!)

Bought my domain name

I learned to draw girls!

Went to San Diego with my friends

Signed for a crochet class

Learned new crochet stitches

I played in the snow in Oregon

I began practicing good self care. Yeah, that's right.

I volunteered for Share Our Strength and Eat Real Fest

I did the 30 Days of Creativity Challenge, which is here on the blog

So what did you do in 2011 that needs celebrating? Thanks Tara, for your thought waking post!

Deep Thoughts

2011-12-06T15:26:00.000-08:00


'Mona'

Last night wrapped the last of our Women's Initiative Simple Steps classes. Truthfully, I haven't done enough art since I started, though the painting you see above is in the finishing stages.The greatest gift I got from this class was being able to watch others blossom and to able to create room for myself to do the same.


Limited edition red ring with pink gem

I was gifted with some really fabulous beads and gems, so this month while I am working on the new site, doing some mandalas and crocheting, I will be coming up with some beautiful frills for the shop. As for the new site, I have decided that for own growth, I need to make a few tweaks, but I am quite sure that you will be happy with the end result!


King of Diamonds

I was also reminded last week that I do have the sort of injury which allows me to actually speak and say I am having trouble. I am used to just carrying on and I really see that to get where I have pointed myself, that is not going to work. So there will be some exquisite self-care going on the next weeks!

November, November, You'll be Missed

2011-11-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

This month has flown right by! There's been some drawing, some painting, some crocheting and a whole lot of love going on. I got to attend one hell of a fun tweet up with knitters and spinners (and they don't think I am insane because I love to crochet.)

I got to meet the marvelous Ali Lowell, the force behind Crazy Sexy Credit, and attended a Webgrrls event.

I took a big step (yeah, I heard you guys, I really do listen!) and signed up for an online crochet class to conquer my fear of making clothes.

Stars in her hair? Yes indeed

AND.......

Last night I finally finished the final draft of my business plan for my class!

WISE was a great choice for so many reasons. I didn't just learn how to write a business plan, I developed much needed relationships with other women who are in the same mindset as I am. I had a huge money shift in September via Tara Gentile and I definitely feel other shifts lining up to take their place.

November, you were good to me.

Thank You!

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

On this day of being grateful, I am eternally grateful for you. That you come here to read, to enjoy, to respond. That you are my friends in cyberspace and in the world.

Happy Giving Thanks day!!!

Brain Drain

2011-11-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

You Gotta Have Heart

2011-11-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's OK to Do Good

2011-11-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, we saw one of our neighbors being taken away in an ambulance after 1 in the morning. He has been, up to now, the meanest man in the building. The next day, the other half and I kept an eye out for him and the neighbors that live closest to him, in order to alert them to watch out for him with us.

So the night he left his car door open, the afternoon he left his keys in the door and the evening he talked deliriously to invisble people, we closed the car door, returned his keys, stood patiently waiting for him to go inside. As a community of people we looked out for him. He is now the nicest man in the building.

I don't tell you this to brag, but to make a point: we chose not to look away. Instead, even though he has been mean to most of us for years, we rallied around him in an effort to make sure than he wasn't left alone, taking too many pills and not eating, which recently released patients are wont to do.

This kind of good is not done for the reward or praise. It is done for the sake of remembering that both you and the other person are human. If you see someone fall down crossing the street, don't walk away, turn back and offer a helping hand. If someone looks sad or upset, it takes a moment to ask if they are all right. Or you could, you really could, just smile at someone who looks like they need it.

It's OK. Do Good.

Owning My Emotions

2011-11-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Connection Is Made

2011-11-13T07:38:00.000-08:00

Every Tuesday I chat with my life coach about different issues. It varies from week to week, generally involving whatever is on my mind at the time. So this week's question was: Why do I want to connect and what do I want from connection?

Why do I want to connect? I think because for so much of life I felt so disconnected. From everyone around me. I wasn't well liked in school, my siblings and my cousins are all a great deal older than I am. A part of me remembers how vastly lonely that felt, & longs to be a part of things.

What do I want? Well, more, I guess! I recognize that I cannot connect with everyone & fully accept that. Clearly I have some work to do with my inner child. Perhaps she needs a warm, safe haven, filled with some good friends, so that longing doesn't trip me up when I am making connections.

I also need to bear in mind that as a connector, I need to make sure I am meeting up with other connectors, so that I get back even a little of what I give. That is a valuable part of self care and an important step in the right direction.

Fly Like a Bird

2011-11-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Remember to Utilize Your Resources

2011-11-09T11:31:00.000-08:00

Being Vulnerable Can Be Beautiful

2011-11-07T14:52:00.000-08:00

So last week I began my exploration in vulnerability, discovered this great TED video, and had some really eye opening conversations, both on and off line. I chose not to punish myself, and I came to the conclusion that the most vital thing is to know when it is safe to be vulnerable.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection." -Brene Brown

Her shape appeared within the watercolor. I simply followed the lines. Her lack of a mouth does not indicate silence.

Wings to fly away, or hover patiently in the air

If I allow myself to crack open, I will find hidden TREASURE

My interpretation of vulnerable: it can leave you upside down, and it can give you room to take flight

Vulnerability part 2: Screwed....Or Maybe Not

2011-11-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

I used to believe that everyone was going to screw me over eventually. In my world the only two people in my who were always true to and honest with me were my Grandfather and my Dad. Every friend I had turned on me sooner or later, and I never had that many to start with.

It took a long time for me to shift away from that. In my 20's in fact, I discovered that people who not only love you but accept you exactly as you are, they are the people that are the greatest gift to know.

I have so many amazing friends now, because I am willing to be open and let myself shine. Sure, I have a few friends who have had to be downgraded to acquaintance or booted all together for spitefulness, inattention and just down right meanness.

I no longer believe that everyone I meet is going to turn on me eventually.

But I do sometimes hold things back that people could use against me. Because I think it is smart to be protective of yourself and also, well, you don't need to know everything about me. As open as I am, I do feel out moments. If it doesn't feel right to share something deeply, darkly personal, I simply don't. I respect that in others, too.

So why then, does the very word vulnerable, make me feel a little ill?

As I come to terms with that, know that I have decided, I am not going to judge myself about this. My feelings don't make me wrong or in need of self slapping. What is really happening here is that I am coming to terms with a belief that doesn't serve me and thus I must face. Stayed tuned for the mixed media piece that was born because of this very conversation!

The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown via TED

2011-11-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

What if You Are Enough?

2011-11-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

Vulnerability

2011-11-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

In my family I am the strong, independent, head strong child. I am not known for showing weakness. This probably stems from the fact that when I was a child I was so much smaller than everyone else that I used to get bullied and beaten up all the time. The idea of being too soft calls forth images of my young self being dragged to the back of the field and whipped by classmates with blades of grass. I would go to office covered in cuts & bruises and they would call my very angry father, who could never understand why the perpetrators were not being caught & punished.

I don't hang out with those memories, but they have clearly shaped me. 30 years later I will gnash my teeth & knock your block off if you are looking for a fight. And if I have taken the time to be polite and you ignore it, I won't ask again. I will be an angry avenging angel, one you don't want to be on the wrong end of.

vul·ner·a·ble (adj \ˈvəl-n(ə-)rə-bəl, ˈvəl-nər-bəl\)

Definition of VULNERABLE

1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

2: open to attack or damage : assailable <vulnerable to criticism>

Yet....not being vulnerable makes me....vulnerable. My mission this week, given to me by Patricia is to think about what vulnerability would look like if it were strong. So, watch this space because there is going to be more on this!

Pricing for Profit

2011-10-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

This has been an ongoing conversation for a while, in general and in my own world particularly. We under price ourselves frequently, giving ourselves permission to survive on very little. We have been discussing this in class and it also popped up in one of my online groups.

When I took a class in online selling tips from Nicole Vasbinder, a woman mentioned that she had been told to simply double her materials cost. Nicole's response to that was "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" (Full disclosure: that is not an exaggeration.)

When I saw it in my online group, I sent a link over with what I have found to essentially be the standard formula, being the one I got from Nicole in class and have read about in book such as Crafty Superstar. IE: Cost of Materials + Cost of Labor + Indirect Costs +Direct Costs = minimum price (Wholesale price if you are doing that)

What does all that mean?

Cost of materials- I have 100 yards of yarn, it takes me 10 yards to make the item, and the skein cost $12.00. If you break that down, it cost me $0.12 a yard, meaning my materials cost for this item is $1.20

Cost of Labor- I saw someone say the other day they pay themselves $5 an hour and nearly choked. Seriously, that's it?! That is not even minimum wage in most states. If you cannot bring yourself to create a living wage, please, I beg of you, at least do minimum wage. Oh and by the way, by the hour means, if it took took you six hours to make it, you don't charge for 1 1/2 hours.

Indirect Costs-website fees, business cards, promo, craft show fees equipment fees etc

Direct costs-This would be the box that you ship the item in, the tissue you wrap it in, the shipping fees, etc. Essentially any costs associated with the actual sale. Still got questions?

When you under price yourself, you create a space where other crafters are now pitted against you for sales. No one should be purchasing high quality handcrafted goods at a price that means the crafters cannot make any sort of profit. And if you price yourself too low, you may be viewed as poor quality rather than a bargain.

My money consciousness has been stretched most recently by Tara Gentile, who says earning money should be beautiful. I believe her. If I work hard to make something gorgeous, why is it wrong for me to make a profit? After all, I am, like anyone else, trying to make a life that includes more than just a place to sleep & some food. Want to see Tara in action? Watch this awesome video where she chats with Adam King about making earning beautiful.

Pricing for a craft show? try this

Creating Space

2011-10-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

The one thing I dislike most is cleaning. Because I over think it, cleaning is generally a tedious task before I ever even begin. After spending yesterday pricing and tagging jewelry, I must be on a roll because when I woke up this morning I willingly tackled my mortal enemy.

The closet.

cutting tags for pricing

rings and a bracelet getting tagged for the shop

My closest friends and family know that my closet has been giving birth repeatedly for the last year. Every time the door is opened, more stuff spills out than before, daunting to the bravest cleaner and terrifying to weakest organizer in the herd.

I don't know what was so different about today, except the need to be rid of things. I have a bag set aside for one of my classmates of clothes she can refashion and a bag of stuff my brother has left behind over time. A third bag is going to a friend and a box went right out the front door, for whoever might want it.

I have been posting books to sell, a full year after talking to Laura about it. I think that as I get busier, I feel the need for more space and waiting for the creating space fairy has clearly not been a helpful exercise. If you are waiting for space to be created for you, this might be a good time to clear your mind, take a deep breath and just wade in. I feel so much better now that I have tackled one of the monkeys that has been on my back.