La vie dansante

Transforming Julian

2012-02-19T17:36:00.002-06:00

As someone who was once so reluctant to embrace new technology, I'm still amazed that I keep finding new ways to use more technology instead of less.

It's not because I feel like I have to start using Pinterest or upload the kids' videos to YouTube, it's because I want to.

Technology makes it easier to share photos, stories, words of encouragement and creativity with people not matter where (or when) they are.

I sound like a futurist, but part of this acceptance of technology is trusting that in 10, 20 or 50 years, the content that I create online will still exist somewhere in then digital sphere. Blogging and Facebook might literally be comprised of 1s and 0s, but I have hope that no matter how technology evolves, those 1s and 0s will still matter and that this blog will be around as a digital scrapbook for Avery and Julian and maybe even their kids and families.

This is one long introduction to the newest creative outlet for our family, Transforming Julian.

Yes, it's a blog. For a 5-year-old.

It's a place for me to put things like his Transformer videos and stories that I want him to have when he's older, and I'm hoping that one day soon, he'll learn to post on it himself. (He's pretty savvy when it comes to navigating the web, but typing, uploading and publishing on his own are still a few months/years away.)

Julian's 5th birthday

2012-02-14T21:59:00.003-06:00

I've been trying to dump all the videos on my phone to YouTube, including this one. Look for lots of new cuteness soon.

Cute kid antics

2011-10-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

Since I posted last:

Summer finally ended.

Julian started pre-K.

Avery turned 1.

A very pregnant Chelsea came to visit.

Ian started working and got accepted into the Grammy association as a voting member.

I was named (well, tied) best food writer in Austin in the Chronicle readers' poll.

My workhorse of a laptop died.

I got an iPad, which I'm breaking in tonight. (Hopefully this post isn't too wonky. I'm still hunting and pecking until I get a real keyboard.)

I'll hopefully get to post more photos soon. Baby A is growing fast. Lots of blond curly hair and a wicked smile. Julian is on the verge of reading. La vie dansante...

Julian and Judy have Bieber fever

2011-08-22T21:08:00.000-05:00

The older girls at school taught them a dance to go with Justin Bieber's "Eenie Meenie" song. The movie "Marmaduke" has a scene that features that song, which was perfect to dance along with.

Julian starts school tomorrow

2011-08-22T20:22:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is Julian's big day.

After three years at Lala's, he's ready for a change. The kid says "prefer" and "deceive" and "articulation" and knows the difference between frustrated and annoyed. He's 4 and a half going on 8, it seems some days, but on others, he acts like he's closer to Avery's age. (The fake crying has been particularly annoying lately.)

It's been a long, hot, dry summer, and we're ready for something, anything to change. The days are still long and the 105 degree temperatures never seem to end (we're about the break the record for the most 100-degree days — 69 — this week).

Avery is in the home stretch of babydom. He is walking now, but I haven't had a chance to catch him in action on the camera yet. As you can tell, he's into everything, including the trash. His top two teeth are finally dropping, which we've been waiting on for months.

In the kitchen scenes here, Julian is helping me make friendship bread cupcakes from a starter our neighbor gave us.

Jules is excited about tomorrow, but he's told me he's nervous, too. I tell him we all are nervous, but we have to put on our braves faces and be willing to try something new. A 7:45 a.m. start time will be as hard on us as it is him.

But it's time. They can't be — and we wouldn't want them to be — young forever. It's such a zen-ful thing watching and experiencing something so constantly full of change as raising children. There are milestones every month, it seems, and you feel them as much as your kids do. If it's just you, the milestones are harder to gauge.

So here we are, the night before Julian goes to his first day of pre-kindergarten. We have to pay for it, but it's about the same cost as Lala's with infinite benefits. He'll go a half day on Tuesday and Thursday, and then a whole day on Friday with the whole class. We met the teachers, and they are lovely young women who in any other situation I'd be geeking out about food blogging or hanging out with over a beer.

In that way, Lala has spoiled us. I can't tell you how many meals, slices of cake, beers and even a few shots of tequila I've shared with her. She's our abuelita in almost every sense of the word, and I'm glad she'll be part of our lives. Avery will still be going there, but later this fall, we're cutting him down to two days a week. Ian is good at many things, and one of those things is parenting. Julian gets out of school every day at 2 p.m., and I have no idea how that is all going to work out.

All I know is that tomorrow, we'll all be getting up an hour before we normally do (and that's on a good day), eating breakfast and loading up the car to drop one off at Lala's and then take the other across the street to the elementary school.

Butterflies as we reach the school's front door.

Just put one foot in front of the other, I'll tell him.

Julian's first official Transformer toy review video

2011-08-16T22:07:00.000-05:00

For the past few months, Julian has been enthralled with Transformer toy review videos on YouTube. It's a thing, these review videos. There are reviewers, like Julian's favorite, Sean X Long, who have MILLIONS of views on these videos of them transforming figures. He's watched for more hours than mama cares to admit, but he's learned words like "translucent," "articulation" and "gimmick" and developed a desire to make videos himself in the process.

Using my iPhone, he's been practicing these videos for a long time. Usually, I'll "press record" and just let him talk to the phone for 15 or 20 minutes at a time about one Transformer or another. But recently, I've actually pressed record, and this is his first official review video.

Julian changes Avery's diaper, just like a Transformer

2011-08-13T16:24:00.001-05:00

Getting to know Avery Jack

2011-05-29T22:49:00.000-05:00

Everyone always asks you what your baby is like, "you know, what kind of personality does he have," they'll clarify, and I never know how to respond.

In trying to enjoy kids for who they are, I try not to put anything on them. Yes, he can be fussy, but I don't think that necessarily means he's going to be impatient and demanding for the rest of his life. Plus, I'm too close to him to really be able to distinguish him from other babies. I don't know other babies. I know my baby, and to me, he's a joyful baby.

Eight- and nine-month-olds can be pretty clingy to mom, so we're a little like magnets right now. I try to not always have him within a one-foot radius of me, but he's certainly much happier without me near if I'm just not in the house. (This is good for Ian, who says -- teething, notwithstanding -- he's pretty fun to hang around with alone when Julian and I go out.)

It's nice when people comment about what an all-star parent you are, because deep down inside, you know you are, too. Parents who are doing the juggle take on superhuman strengths that are hard to imagine when you're not required to have them. Even when Julian was 2 or 3, I remember looking at moms with babies that are Avery's age and thinking, "How in the hell do you do that?"

I tell you, it ain't easy. At times, you'll find yourself feeding the baby while feeding yourself and your inbox. And you don't even think it's of note until your husband says, "I gotta take a picture of this."

Babies are a lot happier in the summer, I'd say, than in winter, when their little hands and feet are so cold all the time.

Plus, naked baby time is a lot more fun than being in footed Onesies all the time.

It's nice when people come and visit us because it's hard to pack up everyone and have a good time at someone else's house. Both the boys enjoy being in new places, but it takes some planning to make sure everyone's as comfortable as they would be at home.

Plus, you get to hold and kiss the baby as much as you want.

Avery loves taking baths. Much more than Julian, but J is getting better about it.

Music is a good way to keep his attention.

Happy baby, I say.

After what seemed like many months of teething, Avery's first two bottom teeth poked through in the past week and a half. At first, he was a little snaggle tooth, but the other tooth started to come in, too. It'll be nice when this phase is over, but when their first birthday looms on the horizon, you try to hold on to the baby days because you know they'll be gone as soon as they came.

Brotherhood begins

2011-05-29T22:22:00.001-05:00

Avery has been going to school with Julian since January. He was four months old and I was back at work. Instead of Ian being a full-time stay-at-home dad, we'd send Avery to school so Ian could actually get some work done at home.

Of course, on the second day of school, they had school pictures, which means Avery got his photos taken, too. I wasn't planning on being in the shot, but since Avery couldn't sit up by himself, I got to hold him.

Because they get to spend so much time together at school, in addition to being together at home, I feel like they are creating a really special brotherly bond, even though Avery is still very much a baby.

Julian does everything from "helping" change his diaper or feed him to being on guard all the time for choking hazards that Avery Jack might put in his mouth. He's a big help, most of the time, but for at least 30 percent of the time, his needs are greater than Avery's. It's his emotional needs, but they are needs, nonetheless, and they are exhausting to deal with.

It's typical 4-year-old stuff: An obsession with Transformers, a dish he's not quite sure of, clothes that don't fit the right way, a desire to watch something different than what we're watching. He's vying for attention with a baby, but Avery is rarely the focus of his frustration, even though they share the same room.

I think that's a good thing, but as with all aspects of parenting, I can't be sure.

Ian is doing a good job balancing both boys, even though Avery is still waking up around 3:30 or 4 a.m. for a snack and daddy feels perpetually sleep-deprived. (Mommy does, too, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.)

They get a boy night all together at least once a week, but I try to limit my work-related evening activities to no more than that. I've started taking Avery or Julian with me to activities that are appropriate for one or the other, which means Ian only has to stay back with one, but the vast majority of nights, we're all together, watching a movies or TV show streaming on Netflix with popcorn and Coke. (It's a weakness.)

It'll be nice when Julian and Avery can really occupy each other's attention in a way that doesn't feel so lopsided, but I think even Julian appreciates that he's still in his cute baby phase.

Easter in Oklahoma

2011-05-29T21:51:00.002-05:00

Like we've done several times over the past few years, we met my parents for a long weekend in Oklahoma, and my grandmother, sister and brother-in-law came along this time.

They are all so musically talented, it's incredible. Kenny, Ian, Mom and Dad makes some beautiful music when they get together. My sister and I sit back and get to enjoy it.

Avery had just started crawling and pulling up on chairs on this trip. This was also the first time for us to get to see my sister after she got pregnant. They are getting ready to move to Boise, Idaho, where Kenny is starting a new job at a church, and she's due in November. The other big celebration on this trip was Kenny's graduation from college.

It was so wonderful to get to see GaGa for a few days straight. She went canoeing with us on Easter Sunday. It was a wonderful 3 hour canoe on a river in Beaver's Bend State Park. (Hopefully I can get some of the other photos from the egg-hunting and hikes from two readers of this blog who have cameras who were on that trip. :) )

Meet Cotton and Julia

2011-05-29T21:42:00.000-05:00

We jumped on the backyard chicken bandwagon about six months ago when we bought a chicken to put in our neighbor's coop. (They had two laying hens already.)

Within a month, we'd set up our own hutch for two chickens. Julia, a Rhode Island Red, came back to live with us and Cotton, a light Brahma with feathered feet. Con Can Broyles Ann is her real name, but Julian lets us call her Cotton for short.

We've been keeping track of the 62 eggs we've collection. All but two are from Julia.

Julian loves picking up Julia, who is half the size of her finicky half sister. They've started laying fewer eggs now that it's almost 100 degrees every day, but even if we aren't getting the 5-6 eggs a week it seemed we were getting this spring, it's still fun to have them around.

Austin's first snow day in who knows how many years

2011-04-17T21:13:00.000-05:00

Feb. 4, the entire city of Austin took a snow day off, including us.

Dinosaurs and our first family vacation

2011-04-17T20:59:00.000-05:00

In February, we took Julian and Avery on our first family vacation and learned more about traveling as a family of four than we did about the dinosaurs whose fossils we had traveled to see.

Glen Rose, just southwest of Fort Worth, is a super fun place to bring kids. Dinosaur fossils have been found in a creek bed near the city, and the whole place has gone a little dino-crazy, which makes for a fun weekend getaway.

We stayed at a cabin whose primary feature was a hot tub and a nearby fishing pond, where Ian caught his first fish in a very long time. He's been carrying around a rod, reel and tackle on the past few trips, but he hadn't caught anything until this trip.

Look at those curls!

One of the most interesting parts of this dinosaur park is the giant sculptures that greet you at the entrance. The two dinosaurs are a tyrannosaur and a brontosaur, because back when the sculptures were created, scientists didn't know as much about dinosaurs and they thought that the tracks near Glen Rose were from these animals. Come to find out, not only are the tracks made by entirely different animals, the T-rex and the brontosaur lived 40 million years apart. 40 million years. That's a long freaking time.

They decided to leave the sculptures as a reminder that science is always changing and we're always learning more.

So what did we learn, that didn't have to do with dinosaurs? That sleeping in a hotel with a 4-year-old and a 5-month-old is not fun for anyone. That not even dinosaur footprints in the bottom of a riverbed will convince a cranky Julian to get out of the car. That we can travel for 3 hours in a tightly packed car without a meltdown.

(The trusty Corolla, still going strong after all these years. We're pushing 190,000 miles, and knock on wood, we'll make it to 200,000 without incident.)

It was a challenging trip, but fun nonetheless. We needed a break from Austin, especially ahead of SXSW. I covered the technology festival for the paper and got to enjoy some of the music part with Ian. It's always a crazy busy time of year, and honestly, I think it takes Austinites a month to recover.

What have we been doing in the meantime? Chickens! (Post coming soon.)

Santa baby

2011-02-13T20:28:00.000-06:00

It's almost Valentine's Day, but these adorable photos from Christmas have been sitting in my inbox since, well Christmas. I'm glad to finally have the chance to post them on our virtual family scrapbook.

Avery's first day of school and our first chicken

2011-02-01T22:30:00.000-06:00

The boys on Avery's first day of schools. (J was pretty excited that they both got to wear hoodies.)

Julian watching cartoons one morning before school. I had to bribe him with Lucky Charms to sit still for a few minutes so I could take this photo to go with a story I'd written about why ditching cable has been one of the best decisions our family has made.

We got a chicken! Julian named her (the red one on the right) Julia, and she and her amigas (Skeletor and Buttermilk) are already laying eggs for us! Our neighbors Matt and Kat have the girls in a coop in their backyard. It's only a matter of time (well, money, actually) until we get our own coop going. Seriously, I can see how chickens will be addicting.

Julian is on a major Transformers kick. All the kid wants to do all day is transform these little 3D puzzle guys. We had his fourth birthday at Phil's Icehouse (he wouldn't let us do it anywhere but there), and all his friends seemed to have brought him something Transformers related. His "collection" is up to more than 10, many of them second generation Transformers from when I was a kid. (I was too busy with Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony to be into Transformers, though.)

These guys love each other so much. Avery's eyes just follow Julian everywhere, and Julian is so excited to bring him to school every day. He makes up the goofiest sounds and names for his little brother; it's quite endearing. It's easy to see how they are going to be such buddies, and that's just the reward this busy momma of two needed to make it worth all the extra work.

Oh, and we picked some carrots this week ahead of the big old cold front. Didn't pick them all (they can actually survive the cold weather), but I needed to thin them out.

I love it when I pull a funny looking one.

The hustle and bustle of the new year

2011-01-16T00:21:00.000-06:00

Thanks for not giving up on me, La Vie Dansante readers. I might not post frequently, but I try to connect the dots when I do.

A look at the past few weeks:

Baby boy turned 4 months. He's 14.5 pounds, laughing, babbling, drooling, flipping on his back, grabbing his feet....

and hanging with his bro.

Julian, who will be turning 4 in less than two weeks, and Ian are developing an even more special bond these days, and it's not just their identical Converse shoes. Just about every day, he asks me if I'll please read books and have alone time in our bedroom so he and Ian can have "boy movie night." Star Wars seems to be a favorite movie that the two of them can agree upon. Otherwise, when it's just Julian movie time, he's watching X-Men or Transformers. Occasionally, it's Strawberry Shortcake, Barbie Mermaid, Thumbelina or Tigger and Pooh.

(Look at this adorable cauliflower they decorated for me one day that J was home from school.)

Julian has really been getting into his letters, as well. He has finally latched onto a book that he insists on "reading" to me. (It's a Christmas book called, "I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Bell." It's the seasonal gift that keeps on giving!) He is (no quotes needed) reading words like "on," "off" and "Nerf," and sounding out others that he finds. (I don't count him recognizing the HEB logo as reading.) There's even an iPhone kid game or two that I'll catch him playing and sounding out the words to pick the right answer.

This is what will probably be my final quilt for a little while. It was my gift to GaGa for Christmas; a dachshund from Boo Davis' book "Dare To Be Square Quilting" on which I embroidered the names of all of her wiener dogs from years' past.

All the way up to Chloe, who had to be put down late last year.

They all lived such happy lives with GaGa. I hope this quilt brings her even an ounce of that happiness when she snuggles with it during her daily nap.

Look at those blue eyes.

Just before Christmas, Ian had some friends come visit from Austin. Ryan and his girlfriend Julia, from Vancouver, were our awesome house guests just before the big day. They were a blast to spend the week with.

Ian and I (and Avery) even got to go out on a little date with them one night to a nice restaurant downtown. (Yay for nursing in public when you're on a date with your husband!)

And then there's work.

Well, not even so much newspaper work, but all the other projects going on in my life right now, the biggest of which is Austin Supper Club, the television show I'm working on that hopefully we'll get to air on the local public TV station later this year.

(Oh, and I did a little segment on the local FOX station on making kale chips with my friend Susan.)

A week ago, Sean and Rob (the producers) and I shot the last half of that urban farm episode with a nice, all local dinner we cooked on camera at Rain Lily Farm.

My friend, farmer Stephanie Scherzer, was a great host. (And look at those curls! Hers are something else. You can see here that my own curls are getting straighter by the day it seems. I'm kinda freaking out about it, but I know that nothing lasts forever. The uber curls could return after I stop nursing. Or maybe they won't. I'm fine with it either way, but this new hair is taking some getting used to.)

The final dinner was so beautiful, and I think I did a really good job cooking and being in front of the camera. It's a little crazy to be in the middle of all of this action, but it's a lot of fun. Balancing it all is tricky, of course, but I like the challenge. Plus, it all has to do with food, so I get to weave this wonderful basket out of it all. I feel so incredibly lucky right now. So filled with excitement and possibility. It's overwhelming, really, but with Ian's help, I'm making it just fine.

Christmas, unedited

2011-01-15T23:25:00.000-06:00

Better late than never, right?

(I guess that's why I'm still finishing my sister's homemade Christmas present. Hey, I had to finish GaGa's first, which you'll see in the next post.)

I present, Christmas morning 2010:

After an autumn together, I'm back to work

2010-12-12T19:23:00.000-06:00

I knew maternity leave would fly by, so I tried extra hard to enjoy the days at home with Avery. Julian went to school most days, but without having deadlines and people to meet, we could laze around and go the park or library before dropping him off at school.

We had a very warm, dry fall, but it was nice to be able to spend so much time outside. The garden beds are packed with cabbage, Brussels sprouts, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, garlic and onions.

Julian has really taken to Avery. He calls him his little "sweet pea," which comes out sounding like "sleepy." Very cute.

Julian will ask me to take Avery in his room so they can watch X-Men together. (Transformers are so October. X-Men are all the rage now. He can tell you all about Shadowcat, Rogue, Wolverine and, his favorite, Cyclops.)

Avery is three months old and is holding his head up really strong. He loves to grab on to your fingers and, with your help, pull up onto his feet, smiling and laughing as he goes. Ian and Julian swear he said "Mama" in the car today, which I doubt was intentional but proof that he's using his vocal chords.

We're still breastfeeding, and it's going well. I've lost almost all the weight I gained during pregnancy (OK, all but 10-15 pounds, but most of my clothes are fitting again). Avery is probably between 14 and 15 pounds right now and will usually sleep until 5 a.m. before waking up to eat. It's about as much sleep as you can hope for with a new little guy.

Erin came to visit a few weeks ago and got to meet the little guy.

So adorable, even to his mama.

En garde! Julian and Ian have taken to playing swords out front. It's a good way for Jules to release some frustration and anger, we've found out. Plus, Ian's shoulder has healed enough that he can actually use his right arm for stuff like this!

I really eased back into work during November. I had some help doing the big Thanksgiving story, but now we're already on to Christmas and it's a stressful time at work. We keep losing features writers who are leaving jobs that people would kill to have but whose positions aren't being filled. This means we're all distributing extra work, but at some point, we won't be able to take on any more. Who knows when that point will come, but it feels pretty damn close. I love being back around my co-workers, though.

They are all so supportive and interested in the changes that are happening right now. I don't think I've mentioned it on here yet, but some producers approached me about hosting a television show called "Austin Supper Club" that will air on KLRU next year. We shot the first episode about urban farms last weekend (I rode along with Edible Austin's Urban Farm Bicycle Tour), and they are in the process of raising the money it will take to shoot the rest of the series.

It's definitely increased my workload, but it's fun to work on a different medium. The producers are so enthusiastic about Austin food! It's going to be a crazy busy next six months, but you gotta make hay while the sun is shining, right?

Good thing I still have that Moby wrap so I can take the baby into the field with me. :)

Trick-or-treating with Swiper, Bumblebee, a bumblebee and a hot pepper

2010-12-12T18:49:00.000-06:00

This was the first year that Julian got really excited about trick-or-treating for Halloween. He dressed up like a meatball last year, but when it was game time, he only wanted the candy. This year, he was pretty excited about being in costume as a Transformer. (He could tell you all about the world of Autobots, Decepticons, etc. if you ask him. Me? I still have no idea.)

Ian dressed up as Swiper from the Dora the Explorer cartoon. I was a bumblebee, and Avery was a hot pepper (thanks, Chelsea!).

We went to a neighborhood in Austin called Hyde Park, which features the castle-like museum home of Elisabet Ney, a sculptress and once-powerful Austinite.

A fall adventure to Missouri with my little elf

2010-11-09T22:20:00.001-06:00

Oh, Missouri.

Every time I come back from a trip back to my hometown, I say the same thing.

Oh, Missouri.

This time, I was showing off little baby Avery to GaGa, Chelsea, Kenny and the rest of the lot. Traveling alone with a 6-week-old is always an exciting, strange adventure, but everyone was so helpful and accommodating for me and my tiny traveling companion.

After spending a few days in Aurora, I spent the night with Chelsea in Springfield, where I found out what a special touch she has with newborns. Avery was smiling and laughing for her even more than he does for me!

The next morning, I packed up Avery Cakes and headed to Columbia. I set out to see five of my close friends who are still living there, and I'm happy to report that I got to spend time with every one of them.

To say that Bobby and Daniel have started a farm is an understatement.

Growing Food, Growing Understanding from Valerie Mosley on Vimeo.

With the help of a few friends, they've started the Columbia Center for Urban Agriculture, a nonprofit whose goal is to increase access to and education about food that is raised sustainably.

They raise chickens and use compostable toilets. They trade with the Amish for butter and milk. They have tomatoes, apples, pears and butternut squash laying out in boxes on every open tabletop in the house.

They've put up an entire pantry's worth of produce, stock and sauces.

They run a farmstand.

They farm on more than an acre of land just a few miles from campus.

It's incredible to see what these guys have been able to accomplish when they really put their minds to it. I've known both of them for a long time, and it's rewarding to see them find such satisfaction and purpose in life. (Not to mention see how cool it is that we're both so involved with food. Who woulda thought?)

I got to do some of my favorite Columbia things, like go down to the river (this time, we had to stop by this place in the middle of nowhere called Lucy's for a bite to eat and a beer)...

eat Shakespeare's Pizza...

walk around campus and sit at the base of the columns on the Quad...

tweet about cool things I found on campus, like these knitted socks someone put on the Thomas Jefferson statue...

eat a delicious breakfast at Ernie's...

catch up with my dear friends that I just don't get to see enough.

I was able to watch the leaves turn brighter by the day and bake an apple cake with GaGa.

You'll never forget the colors of fall, but it's good to be reminded.

So much fun, so little time

2010-10-20T21:25:00.000-05:00

In the past few weeks, we've...

made Cathedral of Junk-inspired music with our friend Vinnie...

shot off rockets with cousin Christopher...

rediscovered the mommy-saving wonder that is the Moby wrap...

looked adorable and angelic...

learned to feed the baby with a bottle...

taught myself how to sew patchwork...

to make a quilt...

played and spit up on grandma Mimi...

read books and played on the bed...

gotten stoked about Halloween, for the first time...

gone for happy hour at Freddie's...

promised to stop sucking our thumbs by the time we turn 4. "On January 25fithf."...

entered fatherhood con gusto and a smile...

tried our best to enjoy the journey...

worn ourselves out...

and slept.

The first three weeks

2010-10-02T17:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, it really is October already, isn't it?

You can feel the shift toward fall. A new season in so many different ways.

Here are some photos from the past three weeks since Avery was born. Some are from the very early days when my mom was still here, getting to know her newest grandbaby and playing in the garden and sprinkler in the backyard with the oldest. A few others are from the past week or so, when I can find a free moment when Avery is awake to grab my camera and photograph him.

He's a bit more, how shall we say, needy in the movement and I-want-to-be-held department than Julian was, so when he's not sleeping, we spend a lot of time rocking and walking him around to keep him settled. Trying not to hold him too much as to ruin our chances of him learning to self-soothe, but trying not to just let the poor kid wail for too long. Needless to say, the vibrating chair has been a real life-saver.

These first blurry, through-the-nursery-room-window pictures are my favorite. Every kid has to have one.

Yes, Ian's broken collarbone is still healing. Slowly but surely, the cavalier cartwheeler regains the use of his right shoulder.

Julian is really taking well to this whole big brother thing. He's good at tracking down the binkies, bringing mommy a blanket for the inevitable spit up and even holding him on the couch.

This is pretty much my life right now. Learning how to quilt from a few sewing books I picked up at work, writing in my journal and trying to keep enough calories in me to feed both my and Avery's ravenous appetites.

A healthy baby and an operating room full of love

2010-09-18T16:47:00.001-05:00

On Sept. 9, Avery Jack Knox-Broyles was born at 8:13 a.m., less than three hours after we arrived at St. David’s South.

I was fully awake and aware of my surroundings: The radio station playing Hall and Oates, the fact that there were far more women in the room than men (Ian and the anesthesiologist were the only two there), the beautiful reddish white pixelized squares on the overhead light above me, the tiny white oval pattern on the blue sheet that separated my head and shoulders from the crazy procedure happening on my abdomen, the exact details of which I’m still not sure I want to know.

But the most interesting part of it all is that even though the C-section definitely carried the emotional and physical effects of major surgery, I left that sterile, cold (brr! it must have been 60 degrees in there) operating room feeling more love and care than I did after so many miserable hours of laboring at the birthing center.

It hit me when I was in the recovery room, waiting for them to bring Avery to me so I could nurse him for the first time. Denny, the sweet smiling anesthesiologist, was there, asking me how I felt and if I was still nauseated from the medication that had made me throw up during the surgery but after Avery was born. “How are you feeling?” was a question he’d gently asked me dozens of times during the past hour, but now that the drugs he’d given to make me as comfortable as possible had done their job, it was time for him to leave. “Will I see you again?” I asked him. “No, my job here is done.” I’d only met the man an hour before, but his bedside manner was so kind and supportive that I started to cry as I thanked him for his help. “You were such a comforting presence in there,” I said as he left. My lovely nurse Annabelle was there by my side and she noticed the tears streaming faster down my face. The hormones were definitely pumping, but I was acutely aware of what was really making me cry.

This was just such a different experience than before, I told her. There were so many people there tending to my needs. Even though I was in an operating room in the hospital, totally drugged up and “detached” from Avery leaving my body, every single person’s attention was focused on the health and well-being of me and my newborn son. Yes, they were, with the exception of my OB, complete strangers using a totally artificial method of delivering him, but they were doing it with such compassion that I could feel the love despite the drugs that were making me wonky.

I hadn’t felt that kind of affection and care at the birthing center. The midwives made me feel like a burden whose body just wasn’t doing what it was supposed to. Labor made me totally delirious and incapable of making decisions. Even with my mom and Ian by my side and despite months of birthing classes and prenatal care with the midwives, I felt totally alone and helpless. The midwives couldn’t get enough hot water to fill the tub and limited the number of towels I could use in the birthing room. They had a limited repertoire of medications, herbs and tools to help ease the wrenching pains I was experiencing and acted totally clueless when they’d run out of tricks up their sleeve. Who knows how long they would have let me labor in that strip center; my mom and Ian were the ones who finally took control of the situation and said, “You know what, this isn’t working. She needs to go to the hospital.”

The massive ego of the birthing center director, who kept popping in and out of the birthing room on a whim and whose precious success rate would go down if I ended up in the hospital, seemed paramount to my needs as a patient. In fact, I felt like I was treated more like a wishy washy customer whose demands were greater than what she’d paid for than a patient whose life — and the life of the child she was trying to birth — were at risk.

I’d felt an enormous sense of relief that I would finally be taken care of when I entered the hospital as an emergency case the last time, and I felt that same relief last week when they brought my squawking new little baby to my face so I could kiss him and whisper sweet “I love yous.”

Like Julian, he was born on a Thursday, but unlike Julian, I didn’t go into it with preconceived judgments about labor and delivery.

When I was pregnant with Jules, I was so firmly in the natural childbirth camp that I could spew a nasty diatribe about the national C-section rate and how horrible pitocin, epidurals and those pesky obstetricians were for what should be a powerful, intuitive, almost tribal experience. Luckily for me, I was able to psychologically accept that I had become what I was against without any feelings of guilt or failure. Going through such a treacherous labor made things very clear to me: A healthy baby and mother are the only things that matter, and how you get there is of little importance.

Just like with breastfeeding or any other aspect of parenthood, judgment shouldn’t be part of that equation. Every body is different. Every baby is different. Every family is different. Every midwife is different. Every doctor is different. (I wish everyone could have as wonderful an OB-GYN as I do — her name is Dr. Belt, she’s with ARC and she’s hands-down the best physician I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.)

It's been a week since we came home from the hospital with Avery, and we're all adjusting quite well to this new normal. Julian is starting to get more comfortable with physically interacting with this fragile new life form. Ian's collarbone has healed enough that he can hold and cradle his sweet tiny son. I'm slowly starting to get around better. I don't have to take as many pain killers, but the oh-so-familiar shoulder pain that comes with nursing and holding a newborn has returned. Thank the breast goddesses, I have more breastmilk than Avery knows what to do with. He's only had two fussy nights, but other than that, he's only waking up a few times for quiet nursing sessions.

I'm starting to get a little stir crazy and can't wait until I'm fully able to leave the house. (I can't drive until at least Thursday, which is a day after my mom leaves.) But maternity leave rocks. I'll be blogging once a week on Relish Austin, and I've got some fun Feminist Kitchen posts rolling around in my head.

With the new baby, learning how to unplug

2010-09-15T14:39:00.001-05:00

So much has changed since Julian was born, which is what prompted me to start La Vie Dansante in the first place.

Having a personal blog was my only outlet for writing and then, as I started taking more digital pictures, photography as well.

But now, almost four years later, so much of my life takes place online. There are days where it seems like all I do is cultivate my virtual presence. With Facebook, Twitter and blogging, sharing is the name of a game I've gotten quite good at since the early days of this blog. I still see La Vie Dansante as a scrapbook for my life outside work, and as much as I've enjoyed putting everything out there over the past few years, I think it's finally time to set up some boundaries between what I share with the entire universe and what I share with people I know.

After talking it over with Ian, I've decided to make La Vie Dansante a private project that Blogger will let me share with 100 readers. This weekend, I'll get around to posting more about the birth of our beautiful new little boy, and if you'd like access, please e-mail me at broylesa at gmail dot com so I can include your e-mail address in the list of friends and family who can access the blog. I think it'll require you to log in with a password, but hopefully you'll only have to do that once.

Thanks for understanding. I know it's a hassle, but it's the right decision for our family.

Getting ready to meet our new little elf

2010-09-08T21:46:00.007-05:00

It's hard to believe I'm delivering a small child tomorrow.

I could attempt to write some "'Twas the night before baby" poem, but that would be a tad overachieving, even for me.

But, in case you were wondering what goes through the mind of a pregnant woman less than 12 hours before she gives birth for the second and last time, here are some thoughts:

I didn't even bother to look up the name we've picked out until just now. We'd settled on the name Avery Jack a few months ago, and barring some look on the kid's face that just says, "I ain't no Avery Jack," that's what we'll call him. Are you ready for this? It means "elf," "ruler of the elves," "magical counsel" or some deviation of "wee wise person." I find this very funny, but come to think of it, I didn't know Julian's name means "youthful, downy bearded" until just now and that hasn't had much effect on the person he has become.

Our little elf has been pretty quiet on this last day inside my belly. We've known about him since the very beginning, when he was just a cluster of cells. A striking difference from pregnancy No. 1, when Julian was a 4-month-old fetus before we caught on. I don't feel like I "know" this kid any more than I "knew" Julian when he was coming out, but I can speak for both Ian and me that we're not nearly as apprehensive about being responsible for a new life. That's one thing being a parent will teach you: Everything eventually works out, even when there are offspring involved.

Having been a pregnant woman on both sides of the increasingly political debate about medicalized birth practices, I am totally at peace with having a scheduled C-section. I could rehash the two-day labor experience from way back in 2007 that ended in an emergency C-section, but the details really aren't that important. Julian came out healthy and that's all that matters. Another hour or two at the birthing center, where the midwives weren't advocating for what was best for the health of me and my baby (having me push for three hours at 8 cm dilated, for instance), and things could have turned out very differently for both of us. Healthy baby and healthy mama is the goal. How you get there really doesn't matter.

So, at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow, I'll stroll through the doors of the hospital near our house and within a few hours, we'll greet the little guy who has been incubating inside my uterus for the past 39 weeks. The doctors think he's about 7 1/2 or 8 pounds, and if the heartburn I've had is any indication, he'll have a full head of hair.

Julian will come to the hospital mid-morning to meet his baby brother, a moment I've been anticipating since before we even got pregnant. There's no denying that choosing to have another child has a lot to do with providing a sibling for the one we already have. I have a sibling whom I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I can't imagine having grown up without her, and because of that bond, I can't imagine raising Julian as an only child.

It's past 10 p.m., so I really should be going to bed, but I don't feel that tired and in a way, I kind of want to stay up and stroke my big round belly that will be gone (or at least nice and flabby and not so taut) by this time tomorrow. I've said it before, but it's worth saying again: I really, really enjoy being pregnant. It's a beautiful thing to experience, despite all the waking up to go pee in the middle of the night, the pelvis pain, the heartburn, the restricted diet, the swollen feet and extra 40 pounds. I know carrying a baby isn't so pleasant for other women, but for me, it's something I'm really going to miss. (Not enough to have more babies, I promise. I'm so not interested in having more than two children that the doctor will be fiddling with my tubes tomorrow after the C-section to ensure that I'm done.)

It's fun to experience it with the people you see every day, the friends who tentatively rub your belly and say that they've never felt a pregnant woman's stomach before, the strangers in the store who ask whether you're having a boy or a girl, your partner who so patiently adjusts to all the physical changes you experience while still saying that — and treating you like — you're the sexiest woman in the world.

Off we go! A big day for the Knox-Broyles family awaits us in the morning...