Laane's Path

After a sleepless night

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sat, 11 Jan 2020 00:48:00 +0000

Didn't sleep all night until it was far past seven.
I fell asleep, woke up by the alarm just shortly after.
Shower and the whole lot and then I had to give a lesson at the university. Second year medical students.
They had to prepare questions to understand the psychosocial impact of chronic heart disease with the help of a short summary of my files.

As I didn't want to hurry at the side of a cardiologist like last time, I went early, took my time to walk the long stretch, and sat down at the study corner to update my agenda.
Saw I might have missed a meeting last monday. Not sure if there was a meeting planned as I didn't get an invite.

I didn't see any cardiologist to introduce me, but I don't need that, so I went in and started the lesson.
Then the prof came in, made a bit of fun, telling the students I was 'his' most experienced teacher for this subject, smiled and such and went again.
We had a good lesson and I hope they did well with the presentation afterwards.

Came home and was far too tired.

Well, got a proper meal. So that was nice.

2020, a new year

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 04:25:00 +0000

After a long silence I decided to restart this blog.

Feel like sticking my head out of the grass and looking around. Careful. In case someone...again... wants to chop it off.

That was what happened in a way.

I thought we had a true friendship. We had planned in the past to meet each other, but what was supposed to be a meeting, turned out to be a miss.
I stayed long at the airport for nothing at all.

But the friendship stayed.

Then suddenly I was told I was discriminating.
I've read and reread, over and over again, what I had written.
But I didn't discriminate.

I just said that hatred between colours can't be solved by violence.

I still feel hurt.

After all those years injustice hasn't evaporated.

But I've seen more of the world and of people.
I've spoken and seen people so often now who discriminate themselves and hit around to confirm their own vision.
I've learned to grant people their wish to stay on an island. If they want to live their life in a certain way, it's up to them. I can't make every person into a peaceful and kind individual who is happy with himself and the world.

But now and then I peek on her facebook. I still miss her.
But the missing has changed.
And I have changed.

Welcome on my new blog.
Hopefully I'm able to use my dodgy laptop a lot more, as the bottom is falling partly off. But that's a different cruel mishap in life.

Happy new year!!

.

Happy New Year!!

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Wed, 01 Jan 2020 23:00:00 +0000

Thoughts on the word "suffering".

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 13:53:00 +0000

Watched the documentary "The Four Noble Thruths" at http://www.bosrtv.nl/uitzending.aspx?lIntEntityId=1735 .

Different people from different traditions commenting gathering to think about bringing eastern buddhism
to the west, discussing the importance of The Four Noble Truths.

The Four Noble Truths are:

The truth of dukkha
The truth of the origin of dukkha
The truth of the cessation of dukkha
The truth of the path leading to the cessation of dukkha

Dukkha is most often translated to "suffering".

But the way we see suffering in the western world is most often bodily suffering, or suffering from mental illness.

A better translation would be ïmperfection"or "inbalance".

This brings buddhism closer to people, because even though many people consider themselves to have suffered from life, suffering is also a kind of far away from our feelings. Suffering is a kind of upper step, one of the most serious forms of unwanted experience.
When looking at other religions one sees that even God is not able to take away suffering from people.

Buddhism doesn't take change outward, to God or the angels, but lies change within ourselves.
We have to practice daily, on a continuous basis, on being a good person and dealing with life as it is.
We are solely responsible for our own happiness.
Buddha just gave us some guidance, but we have to do it ourselves. We can't pray and ask to take unwanted things away. There's no magic to be expected. Just human hard labour.

I think imperfection and inbalance are better translations, and when we put the word "perceived" in from of those concepts it's even better.
We don't mind not perceived imperfections, and when we can learn not to be disturbed by imperfections we can deal with them, or just accept them and be happy with them, we won't perceive them anymore.

Imperfections and inbalance not only lies the experience closer to us, it also makes it (psychologically) easier to deal with.
Interesting is that suffering is a definition that takes into account our inner experience and attitude, creating a feeling of helplessness, and inbalace is more of a description of something outside us. It says something of the outer world, not something of what happens inside us.

To me this translation and definition opens up the possibility that I can deal with the world around me, that I can stay calm even when things happen to me I don't like at all.

It brings me to the second Truth.
It states: the origin of suffering is attachment to the three kinds of desire:

desire for sense pleasure (kama tanha),
desire to become (bhava tanha) and
desire to get rid of (vibhava tanha)

The third Truth states that there's an end to "suffering".

The origin of "suffering" has no need to bring my personal balance in jeopardy when I'm able to reach the right understanding of what's happening.
It's like diagnosing an illness by a physician: description, analysing the causes and taking the most relevant solution to get rid of the disease. It might need medication, but more often it's the way we perceive the disease which heals us or which makes us cope with the problems.

When we perceive imperfection or inbalance we feel the desire to change it.
This inner longing makes us experience the imperfection/inbalance as a problem.
When we can loose that inner longing we can reach the next step: cessation of the problem.

Buddha guides us through the process in the Fourth Noble Truth, about the right path, through the Noble Eightfold Path.
It consists of 8 elements:

Right View,
Right Intention,
Right Speech,
Right Action,
Right Livelihood,
Right Effort,
Right Mindfulness,
Right Concentration.

This interwoven theory opens up a world of practice.
We can try every day, learn and try again.
As long as we make progress in our development it's OK.

Changing the word "suffering" into "inbalance" or "imperfection" gives us a learning opportunity of even the slightest experieces of concerns. It gives us hope. We can deal with minor things, so we can practice on more serious problems. And maybe we can even tackle real suffering.

Almost a year

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 19 May 2014 00:54:00 +0000

About 2 weeks to go and I can celebrate my 1 year survival.

I've changed.

But the days have still not enough hours to do everything I want to do.

Today a great inspiration in my life has died. He had cancer. Conquered it and then found out it had returned even worse. He didn't manage the year his doctors wanted to give him, even though he tried all he could to believe in healing.

All I do is try to rely on my inner peace. Take each day at a time.
I try to see the world in a positive way (even though that's very difficult. When I see what people do to each other it makes me sick. For instance: the situation in Tibet.)
I try not to judge people, not to manipulate and make my choices as plain as possible.

Last weekend I was at the special day organised around the visit of the Dalai Lama. I was both at the lecture and the public meeting. Next to me sat a wonderful woman who radiated kindness. Her being was so nurturing, that I realised even more what I want, how I want to be.
Strangely enough it makes me feel closer to people and yet understand even more of their behaviour.
Well, maybe that's what compassion does.

What do you think?

Petition to spread the truth, not propaganda.

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 01:01:00 +0000

All people in the world have the right to be informed in a truthful and accurate way. But many people have to deal with propaganda, even people in the USA.
Students and others face the propaganda machine of China, without knowing it. The way it works is called brainwashing.

To end this, please sign the petition >>here<<.

Start of Tibetan Uprising March

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 00:17:00 +0000

The Tibetan Youth Congress, the largest pro independence Tibetan NGO in exile, has organized a peace march from Dharamsala to Delhi. The socalled Tibetan Uprising March 2014 has started today at Dharamsala and will end in Delhi at march 10.
This amounts to a total of about 600 km, which means about 20 km per day.

The March is initiated to raise awareness about the situation in Tibet.
The president of the Tibetan Youth Congress, Tenzing Jigme, stated in a press conference that the Chinese government has enforced a series of policies to systematically destroy and stifle Tibetan culture, language, identity, and spiritual traditions. "The result is that Tibet is now facing a life-and-death struggle."
He invited the chinese government to have a different look at the self-immolations and respond in a positive way on the demands.
The march is dedicated to show solidarity with the Tibetans in Tibet and marks the 55th anniversary of Uprising Day.

The demands are:

The Chinese government must positively respond to the demands of the self-immolators, who have called for, among many other things, the return of His Holiness the Dalai Lama to Tibet
Free all political prisoners, including 11th Panchen Lama Gendun Choekyi Nyima, Tulku Tenzin Delek and Rongye Adak who are in Chinese jails
China must allow the world media and an independent international youth group into Tibet to find out the ground reality
Immediately cease population transfer into Tibet and stop insidious ‘Patriotic re-education campaign’ that is being forced upon the Tibetan people
Stop nuclear testing, excessive mining and damming of rivers on the Tibetan Plateau which impact millions of people in Asia

At the Tibetan Uprising Day, March 10th, Tibetan people and friends will gather at different places all over the world.

Yes, I'm going!

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:30:00 +0000

It took a few days to get through online, but I finally managed to get a seat at both the lesson and public reading of the Dalai Lama.
As far as I can see it's almost at the back, so I hope there are large screens so I can see enough anyway.

It's a pity it's all a money thing.
But long long ago I was promissed that I would be able to go when he would be in my country. I never thought the promiss would be kept, but without any real discussion a seat was booked.

I feel very lucky.

There are many reasons for me to be present at the event.
I feel buddhist and I want to hear the lectures from as close to the source as possible.
Many people have told me the Dalai Lama in person is a big inspiration. I wonder if I can sense that too.
Maybe I will be too far aaway, maybe not. We'll see.

I wish I could have a good talk with him. I heard him say, a while ago, that he's afraid to die.
I don't experience fear of death. In fact I don't mind if I die, because maybe the next life will be better.
I feel sorry for those that will be left behind and who will miss me. But to deal with mourning is part of life's tasks. I can prepare them for that as well as possible.

Well, it will be nice to have a day all for myself.
One of my sons will drive me there, so I'll be in time.

What can I have more?

Pawo Phagmo Samdup

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 00:48:00 +0000

Pawo Phagmo Samdup/Samdrub, a 27 year old father of two, has set himself on fire today in Dokarmo town in Tsekhog of Malho, the Tibetan area of Amdo.
It's said his body has been taken away by the chinese authorities.

The chinese givernment has enforced even stricter security measure in the Tsekhog area and the nearby Rebgong area, where more people have self-immolated.
They have also restricted communication in Tsekhog and the areas around it.

Dalai Lama to The Netherlands

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 02 Feb 2014 09:17:00 +0000

I was elated to hear that the Dalai Lama will visit The Netherlands May 10-12 2014.
He will give a public lesson and reading at may 11 in Rotterdam.

Tickets are available but be aware that it's best to use the advice given on the main site of the visit, as there are commercial ticketsellers who provide a kind of second hand tickets for more money.

You can get more information at this site.

I'm back

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 14:00:00 +0000

Sorry I've been away for quite a while.

Those who need to have my email: please leave yours written in the comments.
I won't publish yours unless you're spamming me.

As most of my readers know I have been caring for a large family with 4 kids with special needs for a long time without any vacation.
I didn't mind, as I considered it to be my task in life.
I cared for my grandmother until she went in a home at a very old age, a few years before I married and got children. So it was a kind of ongoing theme in my life.

Apart from that I had to deal with quite some bad karma of others or a life I don't know, as I have started to call it.
I have a clean conscience, but one way or another got dragged in the mistakes of other people and caught up in the whirlwind it all caused.
The stress proved too much.

Without realising I was developing a serious heartproblem I went on putting the wellbeing of others first, ascribing symptoms to my asthma.
My health was deteriorating so bad that I started to arrange matters for my death.

A bad pneumonia made me go to our family physician. He asked a longspecialist for advice and she called me in. It turned out I have some strange things going on in my lungs.
She send me off to a cardiologist after she found something seriously wrong on an ECG.
Well, at the moment I was at the cardiology department for an echo, straight during the echo, my heartfunction was almost nothing. I was admitted to hospital straightaway, put on a monitor and went through a whole lot of diagnostic procedures. The cardiologist couldn't do anything else but give me lots of medication.

Now he states that he doesn't understand how I survived, as all others who arrive in hospital in the same condition have died.

I quickly regained most of my health, but recently it took a turn worse. My bloodpressure went far too high even though I was taking all the right meds.

So now I'm having the last pills available for the problem.
I've lost more than 30 kg in weight.
Eat and act healthy.
There's not much more we can do.

I feel the moment has arrived that I have to balance wellbeing, health and medication carefully.
It's like being sliding on a slope with a weight that helps to feel better but which also pulls you down to the edge of the rocks above a deep valley.

What a blessing I've already been living mindful before the whole concept even was (re-)invented in modern times.
So I try not to worry, but prepare.

Will you be walking this last part of my path with me?

Wedding of the King of Bhutan

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 22:42:00 +0000

The King of Bhutan, Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck, married today with Jetsun Pema.
She the daughter of a pilot and when the King saw her when she was 7 he already knew she would be the woman of his dreams.
There's an age difference of 10 years, but they know each other already 14 years.

We wish them both a happy life.

9-11

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 01:19:00 +0000

People have memorial services to their own traditions.
I haven't been to New York, so I don't know how buddhists have experienced the anniversary of 9-11.
Someone asked me this after hearing the speech/poem by president Obama, which seemed to be directed to christian people only.

We as buddhists respect all religions.
Death is to us not the end, but a new beginning, and the responsibility to the past is daring to learn from it and move on. Harbouring hatred is not the way to deal with grief and it's certainly not treating yourself with respect.

The Dalai Lama gave a short message today, you can find it ::here::.

Responsibily of memorial days

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 00:11:00 +0000

All countries have memorial days. Some have them in modesty and humility, others in almost outgoing agression.

Memorial days center azround those who died, or rather, they used to.
Now the people who are left behind are far more central.

In that tendency, to support and even honor those who have lost a loved one, there's a huge danger.
Not only of taking away the private aspect of grief, with the risk of keeping people away from moving on in a healthy way, but also of neglecting those who also need support after a major event that took the lives of others.

Survivors of terrorist attacks, natural disasters and other events where peope died can feel a tremendous feeling of guilt. They don't understand why they have survived and sometimes even feel they haven't done enough to assist others during the disaster. This guilt may develop into severe depression and even suicide.

Acknowledging and honoring the survivors, celebrating life, should be also an important aspect of memorial days or weeks.

In The Netherlands Memorial day is celebrated at may 4th. It's celebrated with dignity and respect for all who died during wars and peace missions.
The day after freedom is celebrated. All over the country festivities, open air concerts and children events take place.
The message that is conveyed is clear: death and survival belong to each other and each have their own place.

Don't concentrate on others

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 01:33:00 +0000

Raising children is a day to day challenge and to me buddhism is a good inspiration to tackle subjects one might forget.

Buddhism teached that people are responsible for their own behaviour and people should take that responsibility.
With a large family attention is easily drawn away of what's the centre and there's always a tendency to tell mom that someone else did this or that.

My standard reaction is: "first improve yourself so you show the other he is able to improve himself too.". It's a nicer version of: "shut up and mind your own business."

I think one needs to be humble before commenting on the behaviour of other people. Knowing you're not perfect helps a lot not to comment.

Not being negative creates a positive feel in the house. And not commenting on others adds to that.

Burning incense

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 00:17:00 +0000

Burning incense can be a way to pay homage, a way to add to concentration and meditation or simply a way to give your house a nice smell.

But are you aware that there are people who are not able to cope well with the fragrance of some kinds of incense?

So when you expect visitors, always ask them if they are fine with you using incense in your home.
It's a way of showing hopspitality, as you want your guest to be able to breathe freely.

Some asthmatic people can feel very bad because of certain smells, but when they're warned they cane take medication to prevent problems.

Prayer Wheel House in Scotland

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 23:18:00 +0000

A couple of days ago the National Museum of Scotland opened a Prayer Wheel House.
4 years ago the Venerable Choje Akong Tulku Rinpoche was asked for his assistance and he thought it wise to give the actual development in the hands of Samye Ling, the international buddhist centre of the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.

For those who are interested in the way it all came into being I've found a link which illustrates this with photos.

Have a nice time ::here::.

Smiling softens the heart

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 01:29:00 +0000

The past year has been very hard on us, but on the other hand... we were like trees in the wind, bending, but not breaking.

We've learned a lot.

One of the most important lessons for life is the experience that smiling really softens the heart.

Oh, some people hate it when others are able to smile even when they go through the roughest times of life. They can't bear it when the smile stays even when the tears are near to the surface. It enfuriates them and even makes them become nastier and more relentless.
They will try and make that wall around their feelings firmer and wider, creating a prison for themselves.
I feel sorry they feel the need to do so. They must have had some terrible experiences in their lives that they rather isolate themselves than reflect on their thoughts, feelings and actions and live with real care and compassion for others.

Some however are able to break their walls down and smile back.

But the reason I smile is not because I want to take away the responsibility of the other for his own behaviour. I don't feel the need to control the other person.

I've found out that with a smile my heart grows larger and I'm able to deal with a lot more than without that smile. The smile makes it easier for me to care for the other and to have compassion. It makes me able to endure more and to see things in a wider perspective. It's like the smile prevents me to have thoughts I don't want to have. It's part of the better me and it makes my whole being be the better me.

One of the children said that with a smile it was easier to go on doing the things she wanted to do, because it made her aware she had a choice.
She felt some other people didn't use the choice they have to make every moment a better moment.

So we've learned a lot!

hands and rain

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 01:27:00 +0000

Folded hands

can't keep the rain

spilled force

Are you a competitor at work?

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:21:00 +0000

Some people simply love working and when they're promoted to a higher rank they're even a kind of surprised.
They "just do their job" as well as they can and to feel content about that is their reward.

How about you?

Are you competitive at work?

Many people are.

The past month I've spoken with quite some people about the subject and the main reasons for being competitive are:

Fear to fail in the eyes of others.
Earning more money.
Pride. The need to be better than others.

It's interesting that people attach values to their motives.

The first motive, not to fail in the eyes of others, is seen as negative.
The underlying feelings are those of insecurity, being unable to fullfill expectations and non acceptance of their own talents and gifts.
Some of these people found out during the conversation that they'd rather do other work and they feel they would be happier there. But fear of failure kept them from writing an application.

The group that wants to earn more money is mixed. That's due to the fact that the motives for earning more money differ a lot.
Some are in need of money, because they're dealing with problems with the mortgage due to the recession. Some want to realise a dream and are saving for that one in a lifetime trip, a wedding and other goals.
And there's a group who just want to have more and more, and feel driven by a kind of greed. They don't use the money to make other people or themselves happy, but just to pile it up.

I'm not a very competitive person. I'm lucky to be born without jealousy.
I've worked both at the hospital and the uni with utter pleasure and when they would ask me back I would start again without any hesitation.
Ofcourse I have dreams and wishes (see wishlist) and as this society doesn't run without money I need some too. In fact I'm always short of money, mainly for the children.

I've dealt at my work with competitive people of all sorts and sizes.
To me it seems that competition diminishes social relationships a lot. Some people's smiles can't be trusted, because they smile to people they don't like, to be liked and to be chosen over others.
I've experienced people taking my books so I couldn't look up things and they could come up with the knowledge. Etc etc.

How are you at your job?
Who are you at your job?

He's himself

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 01:32:00 +0000

One of my old friends is going through a lot of changes in his life.
I'm not involved, just observing what is going on.
He's been used to a high rank in social life from his early days at school.
His posture, his gestures, the way he looked, it all made people feel impressed and willing to hand over power and decision making.
On the other hand, he made people feel the need to strive to become a better person. He was and is kind of charismatic.

Knowing him on the personal level also showed his insecurities and his tremendous kindness for the people close to him.
The hesitation to show his love sometimes threw people back on their own, make them feel waiting for something that would never come.

On his flight to the top he went fast. Very fast.
Sometimes I worried if his work was not overshadowing his family life, but it was not up to me to say something about it.

A few months ago his working carreer was brought to an end.
Re-organisations for the so maniest times made him decide to step down.

He's disappeared from the limelights, out of the top rankings, and finally he's got all the time of the world to himself, so he can decide what to do next.

What would you do?

Better internetconnection?

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:45:00 +0000

I guess I needed a break from blogging here, because the internetconnection has been crap all summer.
In a village nearby they're redoing all the cables and wires and it sure affects us here.
They've promissed a couple of times the connection would be a lot better in september.
Well, I hope so.

We didn't have much of a summer.
Too much rain, too much grey colours.

Maybe, maybe we'll have better weather at the end of the week.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.

How was your summer?

Beads

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 00:14:00 +0000

I'm pasting this post at the date I've written it.
I couldn't access my blog.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_

One of my daughters loves beading. She has already made some nice bracelets for the people she loves and likes and they're all welcomed and worn with pleasure.

I've seen that one of the jewelry shops has a large amount of beaded bracelets for under a euro in a large basket.
They're there for almost or maybe for over a year now, and no one buys them.
I've been thinking to ask them for my daughter.

I'm not the person who's used to asking items, so I have to think a bit about it... but knowing me, in the end I will.
So why waste time?

Being accepted

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sun, 03 Jul 2011 00:17:00 +0000

After all we went through the past year we doubted if people could see who we are.
We shouldn't have had that deep doubt for one little moment, we found out.

On one of our trips we paid a visit to a buddhist temple and the shops nearby.
I had been to one of the shops before and had a very nice conversation with the chinese owner.
This time there was a woman who turned out to be his mother.

We had a talk about buddhism, commercial buddhism (where you have to pay a lot to learn what was given free a lot of centuries long), and the inner need to be among people who are soft of heart. She smiled in a wise way when I said I often miss this in daily life.
And then we were invited over for buddha day.

We had a good day, I will write about that another day.

Interesting was that they are chinese and I am following the Tibetan tradition.
There was no problem with that on buddha day, however. All sorts of buddhists were present and on the main stage people from all over the world performed.

Then we had to be near the shop a few weeks later and she was happy to see us.
When my son said he needed some incence, she guided him to Tibetan incense and praised the positive effects on the lungs of that particular incense.

We felt like she said that she knew we were Tibetan buddhists, but she wanted to stay in contact nevertheless.

Now we're developing a friendship which is very precious.

I'm happy that the chinese people here are able to accept Tibetan buddhists and love with them and share their traditions in utter respect.

Back again

noreply@blogger.com (Laane) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 01:33:00 +0000

I'm back again blogging here after a break.
Not a lazy one, but one to pull back inside myself.

With so many things going on in my life I found myself trying to live up to the expectations of others and especially of myself.
People were not willing to see my family and me the way we are and after defending us I tried to proof them wrong. Until I realised that by doing so I was not true to myself anymore.

When people have power over others, as they have over us in this case, they often lose care and compassion and they stop truly listening with their hearts.
Even in the "help-business" forcing views and therapies on people is accepted and I wonder if anyone even considered the ethical boundaries of it all. The need to help is greater, much greater, that the actual need for help.

When we tried to proof nothing was the matter and no help was needed, proof we only could deliver through psychological evaluation, it turned out that the registered psychologists didn't want to do assessment in our case. As there was clearly nothing the matter, why assessment?
They were right in their own thinking.
But they left us standing empty handed in front of those who told us to proof nothing is the matter.

People can make life complicated, too complicated.

So I wrote what those people wanted myself, so legally it was written by a psychologist. LOL!

And then I gave my family my total attention again and we lived our lives the way we saw fit.
So I was the good mother I've always been and my kids felt well again.

It's not that a bad story is finished with that. It doesn't work that way between people when one part of them doesn't respect the other part.
But we've got our self-respect back, and that's what's most important.
That we feel happy again, and not influenced by the opinions of others.