Labyrinths of Life

Is Prithviraj on his way down?

2012-01-28T00:08:00.000+05:30

The title is controversial, I agree. You would say he never was on the top, to be sailing down. Or you could say, there is no question of him coming down soon - he is safe at the top.

Prithviraj in Nandanam

They say viewers, and opinions, make or break a star. Fret not, I am not his well-wisher or a fan. Nor am I a hater. However, I don't think I have given so much thought to any other actor in Malayalam cinema, nay, in any kind of cinema. That itself is worth noting. When we watch a movie, it is not the actor that we think of. If the acting is good, we don't notice the man or woman who plays the role. It is the character that captivates us, and stays in our mind. The actor comes afterwards.

There is no denying that Prithviraj has talent. These days it is tough to spot, but it exists nonetheless.

When I watched Nandanam way back when it was released, I knew him as 'Actor Sukumaran's son.' Though the role did not offer much versatility to the debutant, there were a couple of scenes where the subtle emotion that crossed his eyes made me think, "He could make it big one day." The character was flamboyant. The actor was sincere.

Classmates followed soon after. It is very rare to find a movie with a good storyline, picturization, songs and well-balanced acting. Everyone associated with the film did a great job, no one overdid anything. The characters blended well into the premise. No one stood out. Prithviraj placed one more feather in his cap.

I cannot recall many of his films after that, but I often felt that no new actor could portray the 'Angry Young Man' better than he. Comedy was not his forte, that belonged to his brother. It was perhaps a field he was yet to master. He could be forgiven.

Last year I happened to watch a song from the movie Anwar. Though it seemed to be popular at the time, I did not like it. Something about the snow, the romance, the smirk seemed too phoney. But I could not put my finger on the exact problem. It dawned on me much later - it was the Smirk that ruined it all. But I will come back to the Smirk later.

Then Urumi happened. Touted as the biggest hit of 2011, I did not hear many voices against it. When I posted my review of the film, a friend commented on Facebook that she had read somewhere, 'the arrogance is intentional. The character is arrogant and unyielding.' It seemed reasonable, but again, I was not satisfied with that argument. I have seen several arrogant characters - the good and the bad ones - played by other actors, in all kinds of cinema. I figured it out soon enough: The character was normal. The actor was arrogant. And it showed, through the skin of the man he portrayed on screen, drowning the character's own shades.

I would give Prithviraj a score of 98% for his looks, which could be the highest I would give a person considering only looks. Others who score higher in my scale have an endearing quality to them, something about their nature or attitude that attracts people to them. As I said, I haven't analysed any other actor as much as I do Prithviraj. I am not film-crazy. I may not remember who the director and producer are, or anything else related to a movie, except its name and the actors. For the very same reason, people who have watched most of his films may have a different opinion of him. Their analyses may bring out a totally different picture.

Now let me tell you about the Smirk. I have no idea when it began to appear. I only know I noticed it in the song from Anwar. I must have watched that song three or four times before deciding that I hated it.

The Smirk often reminded me of something or someone. It gave me a sense of déjà vu. That I have seen that smile before. I could not exactly recollect who or what, for a long time. Then one day, it came to me while I was watching an animated movie with my son, in one of his cartoon channels - Lord Krishna, Lord Shiva or Lord Vishnu, I forget who, was saving the world from chaos and asuras. Voilà - the smile on the Lord's face after attaining victory, when all the people of the world bow to Him in gratitude - wasn't it quite similar to the condescending smile on Prithviraj's face? The animated Gods do not express fear, shock, anger. They always have a knowing smile. Prithviraj's omnipresent Smirk seemed to have erased all other emotions from his reel life. Even his romance does not have softness anymore. He could no longer portray the different shades that make up a character.

Can you spot The Smirk?! (Click to enlarge)

I should say that at one point I almost gave him up - I forgot the talent I had spotted in him long ago. I thought he never had any, and that his looks alone had rewarded him the youth icon status. Soon after Urumi, perhaps on the very next day, I happened to see Classmates again. The difference jumped out. Classmates was much before superstardom hit him. A few weeks ago, I watched Akale, another of his earlier films which did not provide scope for arrogance. He should watch his own old movies and learn a thing or two. He used to play the disturbed young man, convincing and precise, not a shade overdone. And without the Smirk.

There are other actors who started much before he did, and have not reached any closer to where Prithviraj is today. I see them making their presence felt through small roles in small movies, making mistakes, learning, taking small steps forward, falling, advancing. They may take a long time to reach where Prithviraj is, but they are persistent and diligent enough to attain those heights one day. When they do, they will have enough learning to stay there. Prithviraj seems to have got things too easy, and if he cannot hold on to them, he will have to risk losing them too soon.

Prithviraj has the skill to justify his presence at the top. He has the learning to hold on to it. He can be part of brilliant cinema, yes, he can indeed be a brilliant actor.
But only if he tries to go back to where he was before the Superstar title got to his head.
If not, he has to slide down till he hits rock bottom. Who knows what will happen if he does?

Chameleons

2012-01-23T21:30:00.000+05:30

Change is inevitable.

Change is unavoidable.

Change is mandatory.

Then why are we afraid of seeing people change??

Most of us, at some point in life, have faced accusing fingers pointed at our nose, closely followed by the words:

"You have changed!"

"I never believed anyone could change as much as you have."

"How could you change so quickly?"

"One should not change so much!"

"Chameleon!"

Sometimes we Change because we find ourselves unable to adapt to the changing present. Sometimes we Change without our knowing. Sometimes we Change, or pretend to, to get out of situations.

Sometimes we wonder why we Changed. Whether it was right to. If it was good to move on. Sometimes we regret that we did.

But very often we tell ourselves that we were right. That if we had not Changed, we would have been miserable for ever.

We tell ourselves,

Badi mushkil se aaya hai yeh attitude. Nahin hoga, Sir. Aap apni naukri rakh lijiye, main apna attitude rakh leta hoon. I'm sorry, don't mind, Sir.*

*Sharman Joshi to his interviewers in 3 idiots (1:25): "I have found this attitude with much difficulty. I cannot change it, Sir. Please keep your job, I will keep my attitude. I am sorry, don't mind, Sir."

The simple Joys of Swearing

2012-01-17T22:00:00.000+05:30

As a person who, not so long ago, used to wince at the gentlest swear word in English or Malayalam, I find it quite surprising that today some of these censored terms are ready at my fingertips - or, at my tongue-tip - to be delivered as per the need. I often find myself indulging in words that range from the mildest swear to the threshold of the extreme curse.

As my friend once observed in Facebook (and which I wasted no time in 'Liking' to my heart's content), people who don't swear much find inexplicable pain relief in letting out a forbidden word or two at the right time.

My knowledge may be limited as compared to those who have been in the business for years, but the commonly used s-words can broadly be classified into four:

Nouns. These are terms you can throw at people you are annoyed with - or, for more poisonous effect, at their loved ones. Not necessarily to their visage, of course. But all alone in your room, feel free to toss these words to their imaginary faces and watch your rage disappear like a puff of smoke. Like this: "You p@##%!!" (Repeat as many times as you wish, for greater effect.)

Adjectives. These are qualifiers when the nouns alone are not effective. The usage goes like this.
"The t@#$## woman!!"
They can also be clubbed with the nouns mentioned above as,
"You t@#$## p@##%!!"
(This can be followed by loud silly laughter, for immediate relief.)

Verbs. Some of these are very tricky. They can be used in any form, anywhere in the sentence, they can serve as adjectives, nouns and verbs. For example.
"Why did you $#%@ing come here?!" (verb/adverb)
"Who the $#%@ do you think you are?" (noun)
"I will kill that $#%@ guy!" (adjective)
"$#%@!" (This usage is explained below.)
Or a combination of all: "$#%@!! Who the $#%@ do you think you are to $#%@-ing come here and kill that $#%@ guy?"
[Note that the same $#%@-ing word was used in all places.]

None of the above. These are the most powerful and the most efficient words of the lot. If we explore history, we could find that these words once did have meaning and existence in spoken and written language. But they have long lost their essence with time and over-use through centuries, and are now living their lives as curses. These do not fall in any of the categories listed above and do not always need a sentence to hold them in place. They are independent swear words, yet they can sometimes be used to glorify sentences as well.
One of the best examples in Malayalam is 'Pandaradangan'. (If you don't know its significance, watch any Malayalam movie. There will be at least one occurrence of this word. It is one of the mildest forms of swearing, but used by one and all, and which does not require the televisionistic bleep! to conceal it from immature audiences.)
If delivered in the right tone, with full power on the first syllable, "Pandaradangan!" proves quite cathartic and relieves the speaker of much of his worries and anger. For example, assume that you hit your toe against the edge of the table. The answer is a howl of "PANdaradangan!" and you will find that the piercing pain has miraculously vanished.

I am sure there are similar words in all languages in the world, for no people can exist without such powerful, meaningless and significant curses.

*Please feel free to fill in the suitable words in the @#$% characters above. Go on, be creative.

Neil I'm Strong

2012-01-13T08:00:00.000+05:30

6-yr-old: "When I grow up, I will go to space. I want to be an astronaut."
Me: "Okay. Did you learn that in school today?"

"Yes. Prateek and I will go to space."
"Very good."

"So when we become big, and finish our school and college, they will ask us 'What do you want to be?', right? I will say 'Astronaut'. Then I can go to space, right?"
"Well, not exactly. When you decide what you want to be, you will have to study more about that before you start working. To be an astronaut, you will have to learn Mathematics, Physics, Astronomy, Astrophysics, I don't know, things like that."

"What for?"
"You can't just finish school and directly go to space. You need to know everything there is to know. That's how it works."

"Neil I'm Strong was the first man to go to space. Was he really very Strong?"
"I am sure he was. By the way, his name was Armstrong, not I'm Strong. And he went to the Moon. He was not the first man in space, he was the first man on the Moon. The first man in space was Yuri Gagarin."

"But moon is in space. So he went to space."
"No, Yuri Gagarin went before him, floated around a bit and returned."

"So, is any planet left where no one has gone yet?"
"Jupiter. No one has landed on Jupiter till now."

"Okay. So that's where I am going."

Ghost under the bed

2012-01-09T16:10:00.003+05:30

After a long time I posted a story to my short story blog. This does not mean I am writing a short story after a long time, it just means I am posting one after about a year. Please read my story "Ghost under the bed" inspired heavily, as always, by my son.

Meeting the teacher

2012-01-05T14:59:00.000+05:30

5 year old: "Mamma, Papa, when will you come to my school? Will you come to my class, please? Please!"
"Look, everybody! Here is my Mamma! Here is my Papa! They have come to meet me!"

10 year old: "Mamma, why do you have to come to my school? Can't you just write a note to my teacher? Okay... but please don't turn up at my classroom. Just meet her and leave!"

15 year old: "Are you kidding me? Why in the world do you want to meet my teacher? I tell you, I can handle this!"

Not-a-year-end Blog

2011-12-31T20:00:00.000+05:30

I did contemplate doing a real year-end blog this year. After all, isn't every blogger expected to?

In the last three years of my blog-land existence, I have done my share of year-end retrospectives. But I don't think it is right to pass judgement on the year past or term it 'good', 'disastrous', etc. Nor is it a great idea to expect the coming year to be outstanding.

Some people need a New Year to make resolutions. It's a fashion to say later, 'I have broken all my resolutions for this year.' So be it.

I don't like the idea of pining hopes on a fresh, young year and putting so much pressure on it.

It's not fair to expect that something new is going to happen to us in the coming year.

After all, isn't the New Year just another set of days, weeks and months?

The year ain't going to make our days beautiful - we are.

The whole New Year thing is way over-rated, don't you think?

Yeah, I know. Knowledge that cometh of growing old and all that.

Or wisdom that cometh from hoping too much and seeing those hopes come to nothing.

Whatever, as they say.

Happy New Year!

Character portrait (1)

2011-12-22T23:00:00.000+05:30

You can hear him before you see him. Very often, from miles away.

His talk is sprinkled with laughter.

He is fluent in more than four Indian languages, a fact he demonstrates at every opportunity.

When he speaks on phone, his hand rests on his belt-buckle that is invisible somewhere below the wide tummy spilling all over it.

He flirts easily, casually, oblivious of others, giving no more importance to his words than they deserve. He likes to believe his listeners are fascinated by him. He is not particular about the object of his interest, anyone would do.

He is darker than an average Indian, with a face that could be termed attractive from a certain angle. Perhaps during his younger, thinner days, he was the heart-throb of many.

From every cell of his being emanate the desire to hear people praise him. His jokes put stand-up comedians to shame and the audience tire of stretching their lips into smileys. Yet, his overall pleasantness does invoke frequent compliments.

He never gets bored of his own talk. Perhaps his job is to blame.

If there is bad news to be delivered, he wraps it in sugar and honey, and tries to say everything but the news to be conveyed. He believes he is the only one who can handle disturbing news, everyone else is a weakling.

He never keeps his word.

He is never on time.

Drink, smoke and paan are his weaknesses, and he is specific about the brand of each.

His down-to-earth attitude itself has a pomposity to it.

His job is only a distraction, a means to fill his bank account. He does not understand 'office time' or the concept of working 8-9 hours per day.

To him, day and night hold no meaning, and he disregards the fact that others have routines to follow.

He believes that any inconvenience caused to people who serve him can be covered with money.

He considers himself welcome everywhere. If he shows kindness to someone, he expects them to be obliged to him for life, and to show their obligation and gratitude every time they meet him.

The suicidal buzz

2011-12-17T21:00:00.000+05:30

6-year-old: "There is a mosquito near my ear."
Me: "Do you hear it buzzing?"

"Yes. Why does it make that sound?"
"I don't know. Some insects are like that. Noisy at work." ('Like some people', I added to myself.)

"Doesn't it know this sound is going to make someone slam it between their palms and kill it??"

So very profound, that thought. Perhaps he doesn't realise it yet.

Every once in a while

2011-12-14T20:09:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I miss going out to work.

I could do without office politics, of course, or a grumpy boss breathing down my neck, or the tension of a tight deadline.

When I work from home, I don't need to convince anyone why spending time with my son is more important or why I need to be home when it gets dark. I don't have the pain of daily commuting or spending hours in the heat and dust. I don't have to make hollow-sounding excuses or endure raised eyebrows when I plead for a day's leave.

Working from home means I can take afternoon naps and make tea when I want to. I like the convenience of doing laundry at my convenience. I can laze the whole day or watch a movie, and finish my work at night. I can juggle my job and chores and interests.

Apart from the fact that everyone automatically assumes you 'do nothing all day', working from home is the best thing for a person like me.

But... every once in a while, I remember the coffee machine, the gossips, the ambience, the laughter, the email chains, the bright lights, a good word from a colleague, and interesting people.

Every once in a while I feel lonely sitting alone punching my keyboard and having to step over to Twitter or Facebook to seek company.

Every once in a while, I miss going out to work.

Again...?

2011-12-08T23:32:00.000+05:30

That sinking feeling,

That familiar territory.

You think you're climbing,

Look again - aren't you sliding?

The same old turn in the road,

The same old nasty curve-

Alas! It is time...

For history to repeat.

'I first'

2011-12-02T20:00:00.000+05:30

It must have been my 32nd or 33rd week of pregnancy. I experienced a fleeting pain in lower abdomen, very like the pangs that people with gastric complaints are familiar with. On a normal day I would have dismissed it, but this was the time you took every little sign given by the body seriously. The next morning, the pain not having abated, I decided to consult my gynaecologist.

There were many patients waiting at the hospital. I was restless, uncomfortable and worried, but the difficulty was not severe enough to make me barge into the Emergency or to the Doctor's room. I must have waited for three quarters of an hour for the patients who came first to finish their consultation. The girl whose turn came right before mine was at ease, chatting (in Malayalam) and laughing with her parents and brother, that I ventured to ask her, "Can I go in before you? I am in pain...Vedana aayittu vannatha..."

The girl, without a moment's hesitation, snapped, "No. I am in pain, too."

Shocked and distressed, I said "OK" and sat down. When her turn came, she went in followed by her family, as my wait continued for another 15 or 20 torturous minutes. When they came out, the brother whispered to me as he passed, "Sorry." I went in, almost collapsed, and the Doc started me on IV, but that's a different story.

Why the girl responded as she did remains a mystery to me, but of course she was entitled to it. In fact, the hospital followed an ancient 'First Come' system without any intervention from anyone (no token or registration, relying only on people's good sense) that some people who came late just walked in, ignoring the others.

Maybe the girl was tired of waiting. Maybe she really had some difficulty. Maybe she thought I just made up the story about the pain.

Somehow...

I did it!

2011-11-29T17:47:00.001+05:30

It can't be explained, it has to be experienced.

Have you seen a more well-behaved & disciplined graph?!

With much love...

2011-11-19T22:00:00.000+05:30

"Amme, I don't want to finish my breakfast. I have stomach pain."
"Oh-"

"I should go to play now. If I go out and play, my stomach will bounce - like this," demonstrating how it will bounce, "and the pain will go away."

"No, no, no. I know very well about stomach pain. I used to have a lot of nasty stomach pains when I was little. If you go out to play, your tummy will bounce and you will throw up. So you should lie down and take rest. Now go, take rest. Go, go."

"I think my stomach pain is gone now."
"Very good. Go finish your breakfast."

My clever and intelligent son turned six today

15 Days of NaNoWriMo

2011-11-16T01:05:00.000+05:30

At the very outset, this post would not have seen the light of day if my NaNoWriMo track record were poor. Today, as the fifteenth day of NaNoWriMo comes to a close, my word count graph has kissed the day's target of 25,000 words.

I thought NaNoWriMo (or NaNo, as it is fondly called) was only about writing a novel in one month. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's a whole bunch of things altogether, and not all of them related to writing.

It's about getting obsessed with your story. It's about finding reasons not to do other things so that we can write. It's about connecting with other writers, hearing about their efforts and speaking about our own. It is about watching our story develop at a pace we would never achieve otherwise. It is about twitchy fingers and pounding hearts. It is about ignoring everyone and everything else. It is about thinking about your plot or fine-tuning dialogs, even when you are talking to others. It is about numbers - number of words per day, number of words to go, number of days to go.

Different people have different ways of NaNo-ing. Whether they are working on an already-begun novel, or writing a new one, or finishing a couple of novellas or short stories, it all boils down to one goal - 50K words in a month.

All the people who start NaNo do not necessarily complete it. The initial enthusiasm fades, or life intervenes in more ways than one, or ideas refuse to flow, or priorities change. If a day or two of writing is lost, especially when you are exactly on schedule as prescribed by NaNo, it becomes very difficult to catch up. But as NaNo-ers constantly comfort each other, whatever you achieve in this month is better than not writing at all !

Unless you do a complete and detailed planning (and in some cases even if you do it), the characters and the plot have a way of getting ahead of you, and totally surprising you. You follow right behind them, sometimes getting lost and sometimes finding your way.

The build-up to NaNoWriMo is exhausting. You suffer from trepidation, anxiety, and a very complicated sickness called struggling-to-contain-the-words. You are allowed to start writing only on Nov 1, so whatever comes to mind before that has to be safely stored in mind or jotted in vague terms, ready to be documented at the stroke of midnight.

Since so much is stored before it starts, the first week of 1667 words per day seems like a piece of cake. But by the second week, you begin to look up the word count every half-second and groan - "What?! Another 800 words before I can sleep??"

Having a group to share the joys and sorrows with is absolutely essential. No, it is not that we all are going to collaborate and write one novel together or anything. Most often we don't even know what the others are writing. But at some point we would need motivation, inspiration and encouragement from those who really understand our plight.

Fatigue sets in about ten days into dedicated NaNo. Wrists begin to complain, head begins to grumble and sometimes thoughts flow faster than we can type, vanishing before we grab them. The result? - a quickly-framed sentence with words missing in it. Unless we are ahead by a few thousand words, luxuries like films, friends, outing, parties et al are better avoided as they would eat into our precious writing time.

In a typical NaNo-er attitude, I look up at this blog and tell myself, "Wow, 500-odd words. I wish I could add this to my novel. Today's effort would have been partially done."

But no, I need to go and tackle the 1700 words for today...

Tears

2011-11-10T09:00:00.000+05:30

We were watching a Malayalam movie.
A baby was abandoned following a fight. For about half an hour the story focussed on the rowdy who tried to take care of the baby along with the girl who found him.

My six-year-old son was sitting with his cousin, watching the movie with his mouth open. I was nearby, often walking to the kitchen and back. Suddenly my son crawled into my lap and put his head on my shoulder.
"Are you sleepy?" I said.
He whispered, "Let's go to the other room."

When we went there, he told me that he felt like crying when he saw the baby's plight. I hugged him and said "it's okay, I felt the same. Just as everyone laughs aloud when they see a joke, they feel sad when they see emotional scenes but it is just that people try to hide their tears."

"Why?"
"I don't know," I said.

We didn't go back to watch the film, it was time to sleep.

As usual my thoughts went back... to an old Boss of mine who once asked me, "Do you cry when you watch films?"
Of course there is only one correct answer. "No Sir," I said. And of course it was a lie.
"I do," he said. "Emotional scenes always make me cry."

I was shocked. How can anyone in their right minds admit that they cry while watching a film!

But then I was younger, and I have learnt a lot of things since. I have also, in the intervening years, noticed that when people walk to the next room in the middle of a movie, or take a drink, or talk about irrelevant things, or shake their knees as if they are bored, it just means that they hate the tears that are pricking their eyes and want to escape rather than let anyone see it.

Why I decided to NaNoWriMo

2011-10-30T11:41:00.000+05:30

One month ago, I didn't know I was going to do NaNoWriMo this year.

Then one day three weeks ago, I decided I would. It was only a question of choosing one story from the two outlines in mind.

For a person who took two years to write 50K (I love repeating this every now and then), NaNoWriMo is going to be a real challenge. But then, for my first book, much of the thinking was done between the writing. The plot and the storyline were very vague when I started, and today it looks nothing like what I imagined in '09. I took long breaks intentionally and otherwise, that helped me improve the flow and reduce the rewriting effort.

Thinking out the entire flow beforehand is definitely good, which is the best thing I see about NaNoWriMo. Today I have a fair enough idea of the story I am going to write. That part of the homework seems to be fairly done.

I would not have decided to attempt NaNoWriMo this year had I not confidence that I have enough material to fill in the 50K. I have heard others say they 'wrote 50K with no plan, even though much of it was crap'. I don't think I can write 50K of crap in 30 days. I'm not that good.

Much has been said about the pros and cons of NaNoWriMo novel-writing. I would not dwell on those. I believe the quality of the MS that emerges at the end of the month depends on the effort put in before it begins.

As far as I am concerned, NaNoWriMo is just an excuse to keep me from procrastinating. There are always other things to do whenever I begin writing. This exercise probably would keep me in Focus. It should, given that I have announced from the rooftop about my participation, and people are bound to ask.

I am not quite used to the concept of 'writing without thinking or editing', the idea being the thinking should happen before November and the editing after November. The very thought gives me the jitters.

There's a lot of "Make sure you do this before you start" guides on the Web. I try to keep away from them - coz they intimidate me. But I still take a peek - what if I overlook some vital preparatory activity and get stuck in the middle of the writing?

Then I tell myself, even if I reach only 30K, I would still have achieved 30K. I will be closer to the end than if I never participated.

Preparation for NaNoWriMo is not only about planning and plotting the story or developing characters or jotting down notes. It also means we're going to give less of our time & attention to other things in life - family, job, medicines, food, hobbies, friends,... I did some planning on that front too - trying to do some things in advance, identifying the days on which I will not be able to work as much as required, allotting time for daily chores, etc.

Bangalore boasts of unexpected & unscheduled (as well as scheduled) power supply failures during the day. Being a so-very-Bangalorean, I am prepared for such interruptions to my daily dose of 1667 words.

That's all there is to it. The rest of the stuff I hear about writers surviving on coffee and chocolate for one month - I have no clue on those yet. When (and if) I do figure that out, I still will be going for tea, not coffee.

As to what happens after NaNoWriMo, who can tell? Maybe I will continue to work on the story. Maybe I will abandon it and start something new. Whatever happens, I am sure the effort will not be wasted.
It will be another lesson learnt.

Parenting dilemma

2011-10-23T08:39:00.001+05:30

"Wow, you got A+ in this paper!"
"Is that good?"

"Oh, it's wonderful. It means you know the subject very well."
"What about these two?"

"Let's see now...This is a 'B' and this is a 'C'."
"Is that bad?"

"No... it just means you know it alright, but if we work on it a bit more, we can make it A and A+."
"So, B and C are bad, and A and A+ are good?"

"No, not at all. All these grades are good. A+, A, B and C. All are good grades."
"But will you be upset if I get B for this next time?"

How do I explain to him that I want to appreciate his good grades, but that doesn't mean I worry about the low grades?
How do I make him understand that the grades are only feedback from the teacher to the parents?
How do I make him understand that everything is not about 'good' or 'bad', and most of the things in life lie somewhere between the two?

* * *

"Aren't you my dearest child!"
"What about R and N?"

"Yes, I love them too."
"But R is your most favourite, right?"

"No, nothing like that. You three are like my own children. But of course you are my actual son, R's and N's Mothers will protect and help them more than I do, so when you need me I will be the one who helps you, *blah blah blah*... why don't you go to sleep?"

How do I explain to him that all his friends are like my own children but there is something about him that makes him special to me?
That I sometimes praise the other children because I want to make them feel comfortable?
How do I make him understand that people can love many people in different ways - and it is not just about 'like' or 'dislike', there are things in between the two?
How do I make him understand that if there is such a list of loved ones, he would definitely top my list, but that does not mean I dislike the rest?

Dread

2011-10-13T09:47:00.000+05:30

I had been warned before I went. But I was unprepared for what I saw.

I glanced at her and looked away, pretending to be talking to someone else, so that she would not see the shock in my eyes.
God knows how many times she must have seen it - and how it must have scared her.
She had deteriorated so much in the few months since I last saw her.
Last time, I thought she was just skin and bones. Now it seems like she was much healthier then.

She sat up to talk to us. I could not allow my eyes to stay on her face for long... I was afraid I would not be able to hide the disbelief, the pain, the memory - the memory of her ten years ago at a wedding, her face healthy and glowing and bright with happiness.
Who would have known.

We talked, smiled, enquired generally about each other. I kept skipping over topics, almost with no break. Silence could be dangerous, silence could bring back unpleasant thoughts. The distraction might do her good.

If the sight terrified me so, how much more would it be for her - to feel every day, the fear, the knowledge, the dread of the inevitable.

She went back to bed because she was tired. I said it was okay, she didn't have to get up when we left.

I try to keep it away but the thought continues to return to mind.
It is only a matter of time...

Difference

2011-10-06T12:49:00.000+05:30

"Do you know today is your cousin's birthday?"
"How old is he?"

"Ten."
"And next month I will be six."

"Yes, so how much older is he than you? How do you do that math?"
"Ten plus six?"

"No, that is not correct. It is not addition."
"I don't know."

"Okay, let me put it this way. Your brother is ten, you are six. You need to find the difference between the two. What is the difference between ten and six?"
"Oh the difference between ten and six! Got it."

"Tell me."
"Ten is BIGGGGGGGG and six is small."

My time will come...

2011-09-29T21:00:00.000+05:30

I am a responsible citizen,

I oppose Child Labour.

But I will protect Children

After I eradicate poverty.

I will take care of Poor

After I combat illiteracy.

How can I battle illiteracy, When

Women are being harassed?

The women can of course wait, cos

I am off to curb Corruption.

I am against Corruption, but

Who will rid the world of Terrorism?

I am against Governments-

They never get anything done.

I am against Protests:

They only waste my time.

I am against Gandhians,

I only follow Gandhi.

I am against my People.

But I am for the Country.

I am against Politicians.

But I won't join Politics.

I uphold Democracy.

But I will never Vote.

I don't believe in Causes.

I am my own Cause.

I raise the Tricolour, within

My indoor sanctuary.

I will lie in zombie, forever

And raise my finger at you.

I will wait to act...
Till my Time will come.

The contest for the laziest on the Planet

2011-09-23T22:11:00.001+05:30

We Malayalis pride ourselves that we're the laziest race on the Planet.

As far as we could get away with it, we would avoid work. "Why put off till tomorrow what we can place on someone else' head today?" is our motto.

This particular trait is rubbed into us from early childhood, as we watch our elders devise methods to skip work. The whole educational and employment systems are ridden with loopholes to help us escape. In college, students discuss which is the best day to go on strike. The day with the toughest sessional exams scheduled gets the vote. Not to mention there was no valid reason to go on strike at all.

Recently I had a debate with a friend on which of us is the lazier. The contest ended in draw because both were too lazy to argue for ourselves.

In Kerala, I resigned myself to my fate as a lazy Malayali, much higher in stature to all other peoples of Earth. But Bangalore opened my eyes. Wide.

The auto-drivers in Bangalore sit at their driving seats all day if possible, as if they get paid for sitting idle. If by chance a pedestrian requests a ride, the rates per kilometre skyrocket, till the poor guy decides to walk all the way rather than have his throat cut. The autowallah continues to idle, relieved that the disturbance is gone.

The guy who 'apparently' washes cars vanishes with the car keys once every week. When he returns them, he wears a sparkling smile as if to say, 'the innards of the car are gleaming as much as my smile'. You tip him generously only to find within minutes that the car doors were not even opened that day.

The gardener and the garden are strangers. He waters the plants once in a hundred years or so, holding the water hose as if it is guillotine. The tender plants collapse under his murderous touch and never rise again. When he was called in for re-potting, the plants did not survive another day.

The part-time maid has more visitors every week than all the residents of this apartment and the next put together, and she cannot come to work when she is suffering from their visits.

One should learn punctuality (among other things) from house painters, but only in the evening. At five on the dot, the paint brushes drop from their hands, even if the window requires just two more strokes.

None of these people in the examples above, I should stress, are Malayalis. Nor have they ever been to Kerala. (In case some of you Kerala 'lovers' want to accuse them or their great-grandfathers of breathing the Kerala air sometime in their life.)

My intention, with this blog post, is to warn other Malayalis that we no longer own the pedestal of Laziness: we are not the laziest race on the Planet. Be ashamed! We have tough competition and if we aren't trying hard enough, others would snatch the trophy away from us.

The contest is on. Are you ready to oust Malayalis as the laziest species on the Planet?

GOD

2011-09-14T09:35:00.000+05:30

Sharing part of a recent conversation with a friend. I found the thought beautiful.

Yes, I am worried too.
They used to worry me a great deal earlier.
And I used to do nothing but worry.

But there is something we can do.
We can convert our concerns into action items...

I found out that when I put my worry into words like you did,
Share it with everyone and then all of us get behind the goal,
It somehow works out.

As long as we are thinking and not giving up, things will happen.
We need to have a clear goal, believe in it and
do everything possible towards it.
That always works for me.

When I give up, nothing can save me.
If I don't do anything and worry, nothing can save me.
If I don't have a clear goal and try to do a lot, I achieve nothing.

Sometimes my ego gets the better of me
And convinces me that my success is because of ME.
My greatness, my exceptional luck.
Then I get stuck where I was.

When I give up that thought, things start moving.
Whenever I set goals, take action and believe in them,
It works like magic.

Maybe that is GOD...

Skating teacher

2011-09-11T10:15:00.000+05:30

"Amme, can I watch my football CD?"

"Of course. Here it is. Chelsea Golden Goals DVD. You know, you should eat your food and be healthy if you want to learn football."

"But I already know football."

"Yes, but don't you want to be strong and healthy like these players? Don't you want to be a footballer player?"

"No."

"Oh. Then what will you be doing?"

"I will be a skating teacher."

When I posted this story in Facebook, a friend shared his own funny conversation involving his son. I would love it if you could also share your own experiences with children.

Please post a story or link here!

The Week in Tweets

2011-09-07T09:43:00.000+05:30

Do hop over to Eisley's blog where she is running this awesome series of posts called "The Indie Bound series". Heh heh, you spotted me there? Yes, I too have contributed to it, offering my strings of wisdom to unsuspecting readers. You can read it here. There are more blog posts in the pipeline, and Eisley introduces one indie author a day. Here is Eisley's tweet on the subject.

The little blue picture you see on the left is her new Middle Grade Fantasy "Born to be a Dragon", the first of the Dragons Forever series. You absolutely should check out the book. My son and I finished reading it together and you should have seen his face when it was over. He is already asking for the next book, though he calls Deglan as 'Dlagan' and Lord Edric as Lord Eric. Book 2 promises more adventures for Deglan and Meia, and I am not quite sure who is awaiting it more eagerly - my son or I?

Meanwhile, all's been generally quite normal & quiet on the Home Front, (though 'Normal', 'Quiet' etc. are very relative things). The five-year-old's educational journey progresses minute by minute. I happened to tweet a couple of the gems that came out of his education. I thought it is easier to re-post them here rather than narrate the entire Mahabharat.

Posting tweets idea courtesy @vadakkus