Anyhow, as it happened Tuesdays are a night for free music (or at least this one was) and for young people with old, broken cars and pay cheques not coming till the end of the week this was rather perfect. We were there rather early for the music so we got to see the band sound checking. Not the best time to see a band but without this my curiosity would not have been piqued. It was a band not only with quite a large number of musicians but a quite ludicrously large number of instruments to go with it. Ukeleles, mandolins and trumpets combined with more traditional bass, guitar and drums. Plus they had a dedicated chellist. This was something I had to see.

It took us all the way till the very end of the evening to find out what the band were called, but I’m just gonna name them now for ease of writing and to allow me to speak about the EP that we bought (yeah, I have a 60% share in it). As it turns out they are called Hhymn, a name with all the indications of being appropriately indie without being too pretentious. They hail from Nottingham, which is nice purely because I like to find local bands that aren’t playing the derivative drivel of most of the ones I’ve seen.

I didn’t exactly fall in love with them from the live show, but I definitely enjoyed it. And it interested me enough to want some of their music. All live music is improved by knowing the songs though, repetition is such a core concept in music, there is only so much that I can enjoy something when hearing it for the first time. I have to be able to go and listen to it in my own space, in my own world. Luckily the EP captures the best elements of the band that I saw from the live setting as well as bringing in some minimalist production that just enhanced things that little bit. As such it has become a CD (figuratively speaking, all my listening is from my PC) that is really growing on me.

The songs are well put together, full of neat rhythms and piercing melody with a pleasant but yearning backing put out by soft clean and acoustic instrumentation. The structures and concepts aren’t ground breaking, they’re just very well done, and the sheer variety of instruments gives the necessary variety to make each track unique but still cohesive to the sound of the EP and the songs themselves. These guys have got a sound that I think has potential to appeal to a great number of people and I’m really looking forward to seeing more of them, I hope that they continue to write and play, as long as they do I’ll be followingand listening.

This was made by my friend and made me chuckle, I thought it should be out there for the world to see so he let me put it up here. For those who don’t know that’s James Dyson, inventor of a fine handful of neat things, probably the most awesomest being the Dyson Airblade. If you’ve never had the good fortune to use one you’re missing out, they are bad ass.

Recently however, I’ve found myself listening to rather a lot of radio (for me, anyway), not through choice but because it’s on where I work. Now, it’s not local or national radio like you’d typically listen to, but actually it’s very similar in style, it just has adverts for products from the store rather than from other companies.

Listening to it more and more has really brought me to realise just why DJs let down their audience time and time again. Indeed, it’s such a deep betrayal that no one even knows it’s happening. Every day I find myself hearing the same songs. The same bland, un-musical pieces of factory made pop music.

I’m not about to suggest that DJs not play chart music, as much as I would like that. No, instead all I ask is that DJs do what I percieve their job to be. Not everyone has time to seek out music, to dig and listen and cast away and listen and love and seek and find and pour themselves into.  It’s their job to not just play what people already know they like, but to play them stuff that they may find they like. To open new doors, to new and interesting places.  To introduce people to worlds they never thought existed.

Music has incredible power. You ask almost anyone and they’re likely to say they like music. As a species, we are built to enjoy music. But some of us more than like music. Taking my average tracks per day (from my pretty damn accurate last.fm profile) and the median (since the mean would take a ridiculous amount of time to find) length of songs in my music library we can calculate that on average I spend 4.725 hours a day listening to music. Ish. Of course, that’s not exclusive (and doesn’t include when I’m at work, or when someone else is playing the music). Doesn’t sound like the hugest portion, but bare in mind that’s over 4 years that average, and includes times when I’ve been working or at school full time. It’s been slowly rising over the past year as well.

Now I’m sure there are plenty of people more obsessed with music than I am but I’m pretty deep in at this point. Most of me is focused around it. And it’s damn important to me. Because of the effect it’s had on me, I want to share that effect. I want others to feel it and to know it. That’s why it annoys me so much that DJs are always playing the same songs, they never give your average every day music liker to become a full blown music lover because they limit them to the top 40, or even smaller groups of songs.

I think that’s fundamentally wrong, and something of a moral injustice. There’s a further element that I’ve become more and more receptive to further reaches of music and I want to have another source to say “Hey, listen to this, see what you think”. I want to be able to trust that DJs are playing music because they think it’s interesting and good, not because it’s what’s been handed to them by their major record label funded bosses, not because it’s what we’re being told to like.

I do have a big problem with pop music, I hate about 99% of it. Mainly because it’s pretty much all the same. Doesn’t matter what genre it claims to be. If you think of all music as coming from a centre and spreading out in different directions all around as different genres then what’s played on the radio accounts for the tiniest spec in the middle. Yes, some of those bits are on the bit that starts to be come Electronic, or Blues, or Rock or Punk but ultimately it’s so close to the middle that it shares almost nothing in common with the further reaches of the genre.

And that’s my problem. A lack of variety. Currently all we get is a tiny spec of all the music out there and that’s not fair on anyone. Not fair on the listeners who never have the chance to discover music that could change the way they see the world. Not fair on the artists that work so hard to produce original and interesting and likable music that goes entirely ignored by the mainstream population. And more importantly, not fair on me for having to listen to all the shit they do play.

No one likes minestrone (Source: me and 4 of my friends). Or at the very least, everyone likes all the rest of the better. So why do they keep appearing? Surely there isn’t a big difference in cup soup production costs, I can’t imagine that chicken and vegetable, mushroom or tomato are more expensive to produce than minestrone.

I’m not asking for much here, just some variety packs that don’t include minestrone, cause I’ve got about 5 packets still left to get through, and they’ve been there for as long as I can remember. Many people are left enraged and frustrated by looking to a relaxing cup a soup after a long day at work and only finding minestrone. This plague upon our land must stop, for the sake of all our sanity.

I was perusing the wikipedia article on this abnormal winter. It’s pretty interesting. The bit that caught my eye however was down at the bottom. So as it turns out (source: BBC) most shops have been suffering from people not wanting to go outside. No surprise there. The fun part is that sales in contraception have risen. So everyone has definitely gotten their priorities straight. Right on, humanity.

As you can guess from my title, I find the celebration of new year a bit puzzling. A good excuse for a party to be sure, but I don’t really understand why everyone gets so happy and hugs and kisses everyone around. Really every day is a new year, a new year from the same day the year before. I call bullshit on new years resolutions too, if you wanna make a change fucking make a change, don’t wait for some arbitrary date to do it.

Anyways, have fun wherever you are.

Thanks to my review of EA’s internships I’m actually on the first page of results for educating adventures. I think this is pretty cool, and goes down as the first time my blog might actually be useful to someone. I’ve noticed a few hits from similar google searches, it does appear that there’s very little in terms of actual experiences from people on EA internships out there on the web so my account is a rare thing. It’s nice to think that my post might help someone make a better decision about their future.

On a sillier note, I also come up quite a bit around Toy Commander related stuff which is quite sad in a way. It’s such a good game but so under appreciated. Shame I’m not famous enough to have the impact required to get a sequel, that would be so awesome. 8 player online multiplayer? Hells yeah.

A guy can dream…

Then on Monday I had a job interview at the local Co-op food store. I felt it went well at the time but didn’t want to jump the gun in happiness terms so I just waited to hear back.

On Tuesday was a big day in every persons life, I had my driving test and passed (yep, first time, I think I can be a little smug about that). It was almost a fail for going too slowly (which does make me chuckle somewhat) but almost a fail and flying colours all end up the same in the end. It’s difficult for me to feel too pleased about this as it don’t actually have anything to drive at the moment, nor the money to buy it. However of course I’m happy to have passed, it’s only just starting to sink in really, the idea that I can drive on my own and that I won’t have to do any more reversing around corners.

This was followed up the next day by the news that I had got the job at Co-op. Since I felt it went well it wasn’t exactly a surprise but in the current economic climate I’ve become used to being turned down for stuff. I had my induction yesterday and I start on Sunday, my only point of confusion being that I have yet to get any uniform and don’t really know what the hell is going on overall. I have faith it will work out though, I’m starting before the store opens so there’s plenty of time to get things straight.

I’m really relieved to have this work, it will allow me to have a steady income stream so that I can do my own projects on the side without worrying about having no money. It’s a big weight taken off my shoulders and will have an incredibly positive effect on this year. Unless something weird happens I’ll have a car by the time I go back to Uni so I’ll be able to continue working whilst I study.

It’s quite amazing how a week can turn things around. I should feel much better than I do and that is a little frustrating, I guess it’s because these things are long term and take a while for their positive effects to really show. Still, things are certainly on the up, even if they aren’t quite how I’d cherry pick them to be (when are they ever like that?).

As planned, this year I started higher education at Nottingham University on the 21st of September, after moving in the day before. Things didn’t exactly have the easiest start, you hear tales of university being so much better than school before hand and people really finding themself and such. I didn’t get so lucky. All of it was a massive struggle and it was all a very depressing and downtreading time. As a few weeks went by and routine began to set in things did get better, as they surely do.

Then, something rather unexpected happened. Essentially, in the space of a day I realised that Chemistry was not the course for me. It was a real epiphany moment, and not a moment I wanted to have. There were other doubts around it, including ones about whether being at University was even the right thing for me to be doing. Through talking and thinking and thinking and talking some more I got some plan of what to do.

Initially I thought perhaps Psychology would be more for me, but the more I thought about that the more I got put off by it. I’m not sure what it is, but I just know it’s not for me. I doubt I would have been able to do it anyway, it’s entry requirements are much higher than what I have and then at the end of it what would I have? A degree that everyone has into a field with too many graduates. Woopidoo.

I thought more about what it I was having issues with, about what it was that made Chemistry not right for me. Probably biggest of all was the dual onslaught of neither being especially interested in any area of it and not being especially good at any part of it. I scraped my way through A level (one less mark and my B would have been a C), not developing a particularly keen interest in any area. I found it interesting only to the level that I find science in general to be interesting and even back then I knew that I preffered Physics, despite not being as good at it. The more I thought about it I realised there was one thing that had limited my options to the point where it was Chemistry or nothing and I had just talked myself into thinking it was right for me.

So lesson one: Do maths. Even if you’re not sure what you’re going to do, if you’re doing some sciences, if you like science, take maths. With maths I could have done physics, I could have done all of the many different kinds of engineering, I could have done computer science and of course I could have done maths itself. No one told me this when I was choosing my A levels and because I didn’t know where I was going I didn’t do the research to look at all these possible options and find out that they all needed A level maths.

Looking through my prospectus I did find the possibilties of an Engineering/Science foundation year, designed really for people who haven’t done any Science since GCSE but decide that’s what they want to do. But that didn’t seem all that practical looking since I would be repeating a lot of what I’d already done purely for the Maths.

Then one quite exciting possibility jumped out at me: Computer Science. My relationship with studying ICT and similar subjects has always been a strange one. At GCSE level I joined a much more demanding GNVQ course (demanding but not all that challenging, still learnt some things) after being highly frustrated with the simplicity of the half-GCSE. I had toyed with the idea of going to College for a full course of IT related goodness but I decided to go to sixth form instead. Something about the way the course was presented put me off.

Perhaps the biggest thing about it (and also the most stupid) is that when you take on a full course of study in Computing you really do fully become a 100% bonefide Geek. And it’s not like I won’t admit that’s what I am, because I totally am. For the most part I’m proud of that fact. Something about studying it though, something about making it my total focus almost feels like I have to give up on all the parts of me that don’t relate to computers. It feels like I have to recluse to a darkened room and eat, sleep and breath programming and software.

Back when choosing my next step of education at 15 I was put off by the person describing the course. I remember him saying that during the projects it would be a case of waking up and then getting straight down to programming and that would be the day. Something about that prospect really did put me off a lot. It’s tricky to pinpoint exactly what it was that I really didn’t like, though I theorise it’s to do with freedom. Right now I wake up and get straight on my computer but I’m not obliged to do anything special. My computer is just the hub, it’s where I listen to music, communicate with my friends, play games, watch TV and do all sorts of other music related stuff. But I love the outdoors too. I am an outdoors geek and always will be. It’s why I love Skiing so much.

So I went with the standard (and more varied option) of doing A levels. Unsure and uncertain, just stumbling forward. As I went I developed a further love for Science and the greater understanding of the world that it gives me but Chemistry waned as my main Science, still my strongest (if you ignore Psychology) but not my favourite.

And that’s the next big lesson and I think what everyone should follow wherever they can. Don’t settle. Not now, not yet. If you can avoid it, don’t do. Fact of life is that there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to end up working a shittty job that you don’t like very much because you have to in order to get by. But if you never try for your dreams, if you never give it your best shot then how can you complain when you get shit? And you’ll know that you never even tried, you’ll spend your whole life wondering what may have been instead of making it happen. It’s hard, but I know I have to something else.

So I chose to go for it, to try and change my course to Computer Science. A lot of confusing time was spent trying to work out who I needed to talk to, to try and talk the problems over with people. In a big place like the University it’s almost impossible to find out anyone who knows enough to help with any situation. There are tutors but knowing where to go next is always so difficult. It took a lot of turmoil for me as someone who is shy and worries about these things to go forth and seek out the information and the people.

After doing everything I needed to do to get approval for the transfer, which involved consulting with the people who taught the modules to see if they though I could catch up and then going back to the busy and difficult to get hold of course director I was knocked at the very last hurdle. The administration team thought it was too late, they wouldn’t let me do the transfer. After all that work, all that fighting I had been screwed for this year.

After going through the prospect of leaving this year and going past that to really thinking it was possible for me to stay I was back at square one again. I really do not want to do another gap year. I really don’t want to be starting my degree at 20. More than anything, I can’t stand to have a whole year like the time I spent from arriving back in the UK to going to Uni. The boredom. The crushing pressure of job searching. The lonliness. I can’t have that all over again.

That brings me basically to where I am now, unsure and unstable. Obviously, I’m trying to make the best of the situation, trying to work on the bits that I can and do what means the most. Generally that means the band, and indeed we’ve played two gigs in the last month and hopefully we can continue that. We’ve got songs being written and things continue to come together more and more. It’s not knowing what I can do, not being in control that really dampens things. As a band we’re held back by whoever has the most on their plate and at the moment that is our drummer. Given his house is where we practice we do get limited practice time. We do alright considering, but it can be very frustrating.

So that’s why I’ve reappeared here and re-launched durka. It’s just me attempting to keep busy, to try and do things and see what happens. I have a job interview this afternoon and I’m quietly hopeful, although you always have to expect the worse with these things. And I have my driving test tomorrow and I feel prepared. So long as I don’t get unlucky I should pass. I’m holding back any feelings of happiness and excitement till everything is certain because unless I get these things then life isn’t really on the up. Everything is crossed though.

There are good things about getting another shot at uni as well. It’s not all bad. When I go back I won’t go into catered halls. No way. I’ll be going into self-catered flats and that will suit me a whole lot better. I make friends much better when people hang out with me naturally for a bit, it’s just the way I am. So I’ll have the right course (I still get doubts from time to time, but I’m as sure about this as I can be and I acknoledge that I could be wrong) and the right place to live. I’ll have grown some more too, which always helps. For every obstacle I overcome I wonder how I did it, I wonder how I managed those hard things in my past knowing how much I’ve changed. But I did, and I will continue to do so…

I was actually able to install without formatting but my files have all become completely inaccessible in windows (but not Knoppix, weirdly). So those backups were worth it. I figure this would be a good time to convert to windows 7, so I grabbed my student edition. Not sure if I wanted 64 or 32 bit version I consulated wikipedia (perhaps not the wisest choice) and found my processor (Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600) was 64 bit only so I got the 64 bit version. Now that I have XP back up and running all the system tests seem to indicate that it’s 32.

So I’m generally quite confused and fear that I may have wasted £40 on a new version that might not work. I have no idea whether I should risk it or not, although I imagine if it isn’t going to work it will tell me before formatting and getting rid of XP (which did take quite a while to set up again). Windows: Can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Well, actually I would if linux had a perfect equivilant to itunes but I don’t think that’s likely to happen any time soon.

I really do hate being without 5.1 speaker tunage to the max…