ladaisi

The A la Mama-Poppins Interviews // POST 2 ♥

2013-05-23T12:07:00.003-04:00

T E A C A K E A N D M Y B O Y // B L O G

A little about you and yours:

I'm Julia and new to blogging having decided I was in desperate need of a hobby! I'm a mother of one, wife, lover of tea, cake (chocolate in particular), photography, charity shops and all things pretty...but most of all my boy.

A few of your favorite things about being a mother:
Motherhood has taught me all about life, that's for sure. Seeing the pleasure my boy gets from doing the simplest of things that we often take for granted - it makes you stop and think. Nothing could have prepared me for the love I feel for him, it's all consuming and when he says those three words to me "mummy I love you", my heart explodes. I'm loving each stage and think it just gets better and better. He's great company!

And a couple of the hardest things: Aside from our teething hell which has thankfully passed it would have to be the lack of sleep. I'm a person who 'needs' eight hours, I really do! Also one of the hardest things for me would have to be when you are ill, gone are the days of lounging on the sofa - I have my boy to care for. That's really hard!

A ‘my kid did this funny thing’ anecdote:
My boy announcing to the whole of a busy public toilet whilst doing a 'poop': "mummy my bumble feels better - it's not blocked anymore!" An old lady proceeded to ask (I think she was a little deaf) "What was that, dear?" My boy repeated the same thing and I'm not joking - he was a little more loud the second time. It was so funny.

A few parenting resources you like:
The Sleepytot bunny and a handful of small toys to take out. They can be a life saver.

One or two personal family traditions:
We just started buying a real Christmas tree last Christmas and this will be something we continue but my boy will choose it! It was such a special tree.

Daily things you and the kiddo like to do most:
I am always out and about with my boy. I am lucky I only work a few hours a week and the rest of the time I spend out on educational adventures with my little man - literally every day we are doing something outdoors. Every morning he wakes up after a huge morning cuddle (he's a hugger that's for sure) and asks "mummy, where are we going today then?!". No wonder he isn't a fan of school!

Something you like to do by yourself, when taking a break from mommy-duties: Paint my nails and wash my hair properly. Not the usual five second wash I'm normally allowed.

Advice you’d give a mother-to-be, or something you’ve learned as a mama:

Don't compare and don't compete - I can't stand 'those' women that compete. Children are all different and they get there eventually. Trust those instincts too, you know what's best for your child and you know them better than anyone.

New year resolutions for your family:

This year I am only buying things we 'really' need. I'm getting the finances in order!

Last but not least, a quote about motherhood that you love:
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. - Lennon

T H A N K Y O U F O R S H A R I N G, J U L I A !

The A La Mama-Poppins Interviews is a relatively new series all about mama-bloggers.
If you would like to participate, please send me an email at ladaisiblog@hotmail.com!

charity holds her head

2013-05-21T07:59:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, on the way to catch a train in Nørreport with the boys, I came across a woman in her mid-thirties, begging. I was coming up from the metro and there she was, sitting on the top step, looking directly at me. She wore a long skirt and loose sweater, her head wrapped tightly in a scarf so that only her face was visible, and her fingers - holding out a paper cup as people passed by.

I am certainly not a stranger to this sight, but something about this woman's face made me freeze inside. She was beautiful, soft, sweet-looking; the sort of face that resonates with kindness, with deeply sorrowful eyes. She looked like she was on the verge of something, straddling the line between disbelief that she was there, begging, and resignation.

She has stayed with me since, in my mind's eye; her face, her sadness.

I have always found it difficult to walk past someone begging or sleeping in the street without stopping, even if their displacement is by choice rather than misfortune, and I have nothing to offer. As Margaret Atwood wrote in one of her novels: I am rendered helpless by the helpless. I am at a disadvantage, I know; limited, naive. I have never been without home. Sometimes I think they know these things about me, instinctively; they can see me coming and I can't avoid eye contact.

We went to an ATM, and as we walked past her I could feel her eyes on my back - do you know that feeling? Almost like I'd just stomped out whatever hope she had left. I know I am projecting on her in saying this; perhaps she felt nothing, perhaps the expression in her eyes was all she needed to con me. I considered this, distractedly, but when I returned and handed her the money her face immediately lit up like a small child, incredulous, grateful.

Her gratitude humbled me in a deep way. What I had given her was so insignificant, so small, it felt almost undeserving of her immense thankfulness for it, if that makes sense. I walked away feeling helpless. What more could I have done? Should have done? I am confounded by this question. As a human, I feel compassion towards this woman; as a Christian, I feel responsible for her.

Should I have invited her to my home? Half an hour away by train with a complete stranger, into my studio apartment where my child sleeps? Even if she needed somewhere to go, and she may not have, would she have come with me? Should I have sat next to her and tried to talk to her, on the steps of the metro, despite the fact that I don't think she understood English? What would I have said?

I don't know.

I said 'God bless you' in passing, and I immediately thought of that verse about telling someone to go and be warm and full without offering them the means to do so. Granted, she could buy food with the money I gave her, but this is so small in comparison to the weight of what I know, of what I am entrusted to share: the immense compassion and provision I have been shown, my salvation.

I know when I ask these questions, I am grappling with the bigger picture; that someday, when I meet my Creator, it will dawn on me in an overpowering way that this is the only thing that matters. This woman, her soul, and everyone else. I have an inkling of this now, as if I can't quite grasp it the way I know I should.

I should be blown away by the immense and obvious truth of it.

How can I know what I know and not live a radical life? How do I live a radical life? Where should I start, if not with this woman?

Do you know?

You whose passion never fades, who will never pass away
We see the gifts You bring, how lovely, lovely
Charity holds her head in different ways than I'd imagined it, in laurels of glory
All of the things she says, I'm bound to hang my head ...

- J. Knapp

Wales and Ireland || 2013

2013-05-19T13:24:00.000-04:00

May adventures : a five-day trip to Wales and Ireland with the boys. So very wet and windy, colorful and breath-taking.

Flew into Dublin and spent the night in Temple Bar, at the Barnacles hostel. I prefer hostels to hotels because it's easier to meet people, not to mention they are often cheaper.

Downtown Dublin is mostly pub, with the occasional cafe. Brick Alley was my favorite. We went in twice, and the second time I ordered a pot of their Bad Weather Tea, made with wild strawberry, orange peel, anise, and apple pieces. I want to have this tea in my someday-coffeehouse.

This man saw me holding my camera and posed for me, jokingly - I don't think he expected me to take him up on it. It was so spur-of-the-moment I didn't get it in focus, which is a shame. He was completely adorable.

The following morning we took the rental car on the ferry to Wales. We got off at Holyhead and spent the day driving from north to south along the western coast, stopping off at little towns along the way.

I liked Newport best. It's a small village with coast and castle, a sweet lineup of stone buildings and a one-room boho cafe where we had amazing scones and jam.

Wales reminded me of the states, with a countryside not unlike Pennsylvania, a coastal region comparable to Rhode Island, weather exactly like the Pacific Northwest, and cuisine of the deep South. And more sheep than I have ever seen.

Snowdonia was incredible.

We spent the night in Aberystwyth (tongue-twister), and drove to Fishguard the following day to meet the ferry : back to Ireland.

The ferry dropped us off in Rosslare, and from there we drove to Lisdoonvarna (detouring all the way to Galway and back, lost). Isaac is a natural at the roadtrip thing, which is good because this won't be our last (or our longest).

I loved Doolin. It's a coastal village near the cliffs of Moher with a bit of a creative vibe.

We started our morning at the Doolin Cafe. If I lived near this cafe, I would love breakfast. It would be so much more than just coffee. The cafe walls are covered in beautiful color linocuts by local artist Michael O'Connor. I also want these in my someday-coffeehouse.

Next we hopped a ride on The Happy Hooker ferry-meets-fishing-boat to the Aran Islands.

We stopped off at Inis Mór, the biggest of the three, and took Noel Mahon's bus tour around the island. This was perfect for two reasons: we got to see the entire island in just a few hours, stopping off at Dún Aonghasa to visit the cliff-side stone fortress, and we were able to hear the history of the island in Noel's beautiful Irish accent, with his humorous side-commentary. In short: approximately 900 residents; three churches, three schools, three graveyards, six pubs, one grocery store, and one bank open on Wednesdays for three hours only (including a one-hour lunch break); seals, kelp, thatch rooftops, 10 million rocks. The oldest islander, Bridget Dirrane, lived to be 109 (and would you believe it, Noel said she was JFK's nanny).

I bought these tribal-inspired guardian prints on the island, for a keepsake. I don't know why, but I kind of love them.

We took the ferry back to the mainland, picked up hitchhikers from Chile, France, and Canada, and then saw the cliffs of Moher.

Stunning, yes, but I actually liked the South Stack cliffs of Wales better.

In the evening: McGinn's Pub (Doolin) - Irish stew and a Guinness (or several), because the ferryman insisted that an island Guinness is superior to all others. He's right; I loved it. I also loved the stew. And the ale. And the local Irish-folk band.

Everybody thought Isaac was all Irish, with his red hair, chilling at the pub listening to the band after 10 pm. He kept walking up to people and saying, I'm Isaac, I speak English, I'm five, I saw a castle. ♥

The next day we explored by car, making our way through the County Clare on the way back to Dublin. It was simply beautiful - pastureland and forest, castle and cave, all those complimentary colors.

County Clare actually reminded me of Georgia, and I kept thinking we were almost home. It's little wonder that so many people of Irish decent live in the southern Appalachians. And to think in eight short days I will be there with my family!

In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting.

In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea.
- C.E. Murphy, Urban Shaman

(... Except in the south, where they don't even ask if you want tea; they just give it to you. This is a different kind of tea though.)

one down on the bucket list

2013-05-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.

- Charles Schulz, Peanuts

After a year of persuading myself that yes, I would like to commit to The Marathon Goal, followed by three months of training and accompanying books-on-tape, several recants and re-persuasions, a solo-marathon to prove to myself I could (in fact) do it, and some Nike purchases (which made all the difference)... I have finally accomplished my goal.

I'm really very happy it's over.

I ran the Ø-Marathon on Thursday (cannonball island marathon, near Copenhagen). It was the most beautiful uncomplicated route I've run yet, half of it on the boardwalk along the coast.

It started out perfectly - sunny, breezy weather, terrific fellow runners who made sure I didn't get myself lost, and an overabundance of nervous excitement melting into instant energy. I started asking myself why it'd taken me so long to do this in the first place.

And then I hit 16 miles and my ankles were getting sore. 20 and my legs felt oh-so-tired. During the final 6 miles and however-many-yards, all I could think was 'WHY THE HELL AM I SO MEAN TO MYSELF?" (I thought the same thing at the end of my solo-marathon, and then I stupidly forgot about it.) I considered quitting.

But the main thing is ... I am my father's daughter. (I love you dad ;) So I kept going. Nevermind that almost everyone else was on their second marathon of the day and didn't seem nearly as tired as me. One woman, in fact, is running a marathon every day for an entire year (she finishes in July). What do you even say to that?

'Wowwwww. You're going to do this again tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that? I might be walking again by then. Maybe.' Or: 'Do you ever wish someone would sit on you, to make you stop?'

When they asked 'when do you run your next marathon?' and I answered 'I don't know that I'm ever doing that again,' they all laughed because they thought I was kidding. I laughed too, because I'm not. (She says, wondering if it's true.) I've been running fairly consistent half-marathons for a couple months now and they finally feel like a comfortable run, but I'm told it can take one or two years before a full marathon feels this way. Can't say I'll ever be that much of a diehard.

If I hadn't moved to Denmark, I doubt the marathon would've made my bucket list in the first place. So here's to Denmark - cheers!

For now I'm just happy I actually finished. It may have taken a whopping 4.5 hours and a minute (and eternity, in fact I think I'm still running it), but it was worth it. I'm so very proud of my short legs and my funny plastic medal.

Richard: What's a matter? Too old, Chamberlain?
Chamberlain: Of course not.
Richard: Of course not.
Chamberlain: All right, then, I will.
Margaret: How about you?
Richard: Don't be silly.
Susan: Oh Dickie, you must, I want a medal.
Richard (to Chamberlain): Get her a medal.
Chamberlain: Too old, eh?
Richard: What? To run in a sack race? Nothing to it.

- The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer

Take Notice

2013-05-08T04:47:00.003-04:00

I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts ... It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then.

Michael Cunningham, The Hours

source

Collage Making

2013-05-06T09:28:00.001-04:00

i love making collages. i make them on bulletin boards and in notebooks, using paper scraps : postcards, letters, illustrations, magazine clippings, photographs, what-have-you.
i've been doing it for years, for no reason in particular, although ...

they do inspire my illustrations. i always make the initial sketches on onion skin paper, so they can be recreated as needed. i have accumulated dozens of these transferable sketches, and keep them in a thick yellow binder. truthfully, i often prefer them to the finished work.

sometimes they end up as mixed-media: penned and painted, with dictionary pages, floral stationary prints, journal pieces ... like this.

you are living your story : soon to be on my etsy

the three pieces above have sold, as well as a few different versions of the 'you are living your story' illustration. they were mostly inspired by black and white photographs, like these:

these images are on my pinterest board people. i cannot find the original sources. please share them if you know.
i think the one on the left may be natalie portman?

the dancing silhouettes are of a slightly different style, however, i'm thinking of redoing them without the mama in the middle, on dictionary pages. thoughts? i'm also always open to custom orders in this style.

there's just something about the process of painting in black and white shapes, writing out fonts, cutting and gluing different paper textures, so on, that is pure fun.

one last thing before i go:

L A D A I S I - I L L U S T R A T I O N S || now on S O C I E T Y 6

speaking of fun ... it's kind of exciting to see your own doodles on ... stuff.

i recently started a society6 account and wanted to share. which means ...

you can now purchase a couple of my illustrations in various art print sizes, framed or not, on stretched canvas, as pillows and totes, and sometimes as laptop and ipad skins.

i'm just getting started. i will probably add a few mixed-media collages as well, sometime soonish.

♥

May 1st : Impromtu Photo Shoot, Elephants, and My Baby

2013-05-01T11:11:00.001-04:00

for my family || due to my irrational fear that they will forget what we look like || yes i do really worry about this sometimes || it's an 'opposite side of the pond' thing || we miss you guys ♥

when you live in a studio

2013-04-29T10:46:00.000-04:00

all three of you, in the one room ...

things collect, like this, on dresser-tops and window-sills

and there are shoes everywhere

your bedroom is all bed, and closet, and library

and there's only one drawer for all the little things, like underwear and leggings and belts ... so you'll never find that matching sock (in fact, you begin to suspect it doesn't actually exist)

and you may just have to shower in the middle of the bathroom floor,
with woody and buzz and what's-her-name

and your kitchen is literally this size : three baby cabinets, one for spices only, a baby refrigerator, a baby sink, and a hot plate or two

and your art-making spills out over the dining room table (which is also, in turn, an office for two, a fort for a five-year-old, and the occasional laundromat), all opposite your living room (which is just a fancy way of saying 'that sofa over there')

but none of that matters, because in the end ...

blue skies are coming

2013-04-24T12:25:00.000-04:00

Firstly, I've got a dreamcatcher winner : Birgit of The Book Garden - congratulations!
The winning comment:

Birgit || April 17, 2013 at 2:12 AM || Hearted your shop

Many thanks to all who entered ♥ I'll be sure to have more, no worries.

Secondly, a little photo collage. Things that make me happy.

sources : mostly found here || books on shelf here || family outside vehicle here || boho girls here || last pic here

Monday Amenities // Post 20

2013-04-22T03:47:00.000-04:00

A little link-list (for browsing over Monday morning coffee):

Dove Real Beauty Sketches : You are more beautiful than you think

I loved this.

Paraphrasing from here: This is a short documentary featuring Gil Zamora, a former forensic sketch artist, who draws portraits of a series of women he can't see guided entirely by their own descriptions of themselves. Each woman was asked to spend one-on-one time with another participant, after which Zamora drew second portraits of the same women based on the other participant's descriptions of them.

Dove made a statement claiming that 'only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful,' and, as the documentary reveals, are their own worst critics when it comes to describing themselves. The second round of portraits - the ones based on a stranger's description - were more beautiful, and more true to the individual.

After seeing both portraits, one participant said, "I should be more grateful of my natural beauty."

"If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. Look a little closer. Stare a little longer."

Indie Gift Box
About: We are a company dedicated to promoting independent artists and small businesses! We curate great items every month and organize them into themed boxes that you can purchase. Our goal is to help you discover new artists and companies, and to help those artists and companies grow their businesses.

You may have heard about this company before, but I only just found out last week and fell in love with the whole concept. Unfortunately it looks like they'll be closing after May unless someone new takes over. This is something I would love to incorporate into my someday-indie-artist-coffeehouse.

Leslie Sabella : art for the free spirited
Beautiful southwestern and henna inspired illustrations by Leslie Sabella.

NoiseTrade : Free Music
About: Upload an album, EP, single, or live recording. Within minutes your content is available for discovery and download. And it's completely free for both artists and fans. ... There is some good stuff on here, people. ♥

Fitness Blender
About : 100% free full length workout videos, printable workout routines, healthy recipes, & more.
I've been using the videos to supplement my runs. I especially like the 10 Minute Standing Abs Workout because crunches kill my neck.

10 Amazing Beauty Tricks with Coconut Oil : an interesting read.
I just started using coconut oil lately, especially as a deep conditioner for my hair. I rub it in before my runs so it gets thirty minutes or more to really soak in and moisturize, and then wash it all out. Gives my hair a nice healthy glow, and is a helluva lot cheaper than buying conditioning products. Apparently I've barely scratched the surface on coconut oil beauty uses. Have you tried any of these 10 'tricks'?

source

Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong. Ella Fitzgerald

A Survivor

2013-04-18T04:28:00.000-04:00

BORROWED

You know that feeling you get when the weather begins to change?
When the air becomes warmer, lighter, easier to breathe, and you feel the sunshine, and hear the seagulls?
When you open doors and windows, and all you want is to be outside in it, awed by the sudden change in yourself?
You're waking up again, so very grateful to be a part of this green earth, so very alive.
You need to do the things you did the year before, and the year before that, and somehow they still feel new.
Spring-time rituals, reborn.
You must stand outside in blankets at the crack of dawn, just because you can, and take early morning runs to watch the sun come up. You must fall asleep outdoors sometimes, mid-day, in the heat of it all; take barefoot evening walks in the mountains or along the coast - wherever you are, watching that flame in the sky sink down behind purple mountains or into the ocean; explore. Those long drives with the windows down - your music, your golden skin, your hair free in the wind.
You've come out of another long winter, a survivor.

dreamcatcher giveaway

2013-04-15T14:55:00.001-04:00

having a little giveaway this week || 4/15-4/22

prize : 5x7 dreamcatcher illustration by yours truly

how to enter (up to three times, if you like):

1. follow ladaisi blog (GFC, bloglovin', or by email)

2. visit ladaisi etsy and favorite (etsy) or like (fb)

3. share about the giveaway

<<< be sure and leave a comment with your email >>>

♥

p.s. always accepting custom order dreamcatchers in this style, with your own quote or image idea

if you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams, and you will always look lovely. - roald dahl

studio sunday feature

2013-04-14T14:12:00.000-04:00

Guest-posting today over at Chickiedee Handmade, as part of the Studio Sunday Series. I feel so honored to be featured by RobbieLee on her beautiful blog - please stop by and say hi!

sweet dreams, sweetheart

2013-04-13T10:15:00.000-04:00

new listings up on the etsy this morning ♥

|| sweet dreams, sweetheart || original illustration by lauren holgate || 9x13 watercolor, prismacolor ||

|| daddy with baby sling || original illustration by lauren holgate || 8x10 watercolor, prismacolor ||

|| mama and baby || original illustration by lauren holgate || 8x10 watercolor, prismacolor ||

please keep instagramming your beautiful life

2013-04-12T05:30:00.002-04:00

There's an article called Instagram's Envy Effect that's been circulating the internet lately. You've probably seen it, possibly noticed the heated discussions popping up everywhere. It's a tricky subject because it steps on people's toes, not to mention it is easily misunderstood.

I first noticed it on a day I was instagramming my life like a mad-hatter, and have been thinking about it ever since. I'm sure this has all been said before (killed that dead horse dead, we did), but I'm going to throw in my two cents (and yes I am aware of the irony in discussing the pitfalls of social media on social media).

Simply put, the author isn't trying to guilt people into quitting the internet - far from it. She admits to using it regularly, socially, and professionally. She says, point blank, that 'it's not about technology or not,' and often, 'walking away from the internet isn't an option.'

The purpose of the article can be summed up in two healthy, practical points:

1. The internet is composed of partial truths. You're seeing someone else's life through rose-colored glasses (or filters, in this case), so keep this in mind when you're tempted to compare your life to theirs.

2. Choose community over comparison. The internet can be used for so much more than posting the highlights. Make a choice to spend less time browsing and more time building relationships.

I'll admit right off the bat that I use them all. I keep a personal blog (you're reading it); I use Facebook and Skype to keep up with family and friends, particularly since I moved to Europe and most of 'my people' are stateside; and I get a great deal of inspiration from Pinterest. Since I work from home, I also use the internet in relation to this as well. It keeps me happily connected.

And yes, I use Instagram. I love Instagram. There are so many small things about life I would forget otherwise, and I won't deny a certain amount of satisfaction in the fact that my memories are a bit tinted because of it. What can I say? I want to look back and remember the highlights.

You don't want to see the dirty dishes or the piles of laundry in my apartment any more than I want to see yours. Please, don't show me. What's more, I'd rather read your happy statuses on Facebook than a deluge of depressing thoughts. I'm not asking you to bottle them up inside, but choose wisely with whom you will share that aspect of your life. This is where the 'connecting' part comes in; you certainly can't connect with everyone in a blatantly honest, roses-and-thorns kind of way.

Case in point: I instagrammed the yellow daisies my son bought me on my birthday when they were fresh and beautiful; I am not going to instagram them now that he's killed them and they're looking all mangled and pathetic. It has nothing to do with how honest I am, nor am I trying to illicit any comparisons. Most of the plants I have end up dead.

If I'm not mistaken, the original title of the article in question was 'Stop Instagramming Your Perfect Life." If you scroll down in the comments you'll see that the author didn't choose this title, and RELEVANT appears to have changed it. It wasn't the point they wanted to make. It isn't even something we do in real life. If you have someone over for dinner, you're probably going to clean up your otherwise messy house, wear nicer clothes than you might if it was just the family, and even cook a bigger meal. It isn't your truthful everyday kind of dinner; it's special. Even your personal real-life photo albums have the best pictures - those are the ones you want to keep - not the one with the kid throwing up in the corner.

By all means, please keep instagramming your beautiful life.

That being said, if you feel you are using social media for the wrong reasons (I'll let you decide what may qualify as such), or you struggle a great deal with comparisons that benefit no one, or you're just spending too much time online, you might want to take an internet detox.

Don't miss out on real life because you're too busy having a virtual one.

beautiful and worthy of love

2013-04-11T07:02:00.001-04:00

I met a prophetess once who lived beside a city landfill in Nicaragua, her house this bright spot of color on the edge of the debris. La Chureca, just outside Managua. She was a small woman with a big voice, and the kind of face that makes you want to stare until you know the story behind it.

When she prayed for me, she sucked in her breath like she'd seen something troubling, and said, "You will have a hard life, but you are fully in God's hands."

I said nothing. I was twenty years old, and my life hadn't been hard. I worried about what that old woman saw when she closed her eyes, her small statement carrying such weight.

Her words still come back to me sometimes, when I think about my life.

There are two ways to look at most things, and the way I see my own life is no exception. Some days I see it as a grand adventure; transitional, because I have yet to put down roots in a conventional way. I am living in a studio in Europe, with the ability to explore nearby countries and experience other cultures, with time for my boys and for making art; so very blessed. In half a year we'll be moving somewhere else, and so the adventure continues.

On the other hand, there are days when I see my life as misguided. Twenty-seven years old and living in 38 sq. meters with a hot plate instead of a kitchen, divvying up my time between illustrations and data projects that will never qualify as gainful employment, dearly missing my family and the sun, without any idea as to where I'll be living in six months or what I'll be doing.

On those days, I settle into old questions of self-worth, wondering if I should have a career by now, or be making a more permanent home for my family, or contributing in a bigger way to ... something.

Should I be so much more, at this point in my life?

Occasionally I see this question mirrored in other people as well, in the things they say or the way they act, even in their expressions. This unsatisfied longing to feel worthy, necessary, enough.

C.S. Lewis explained this need when he wrote how 'most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. [...] The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy.'

Even though I believe this to be true, it can be easy to forget. I will distractedly begin measuring my life by the wrong yardstick, and end up feeling unsatisfied - or worse, like a failure.

In one of his messages, Louie Giglio said that the first basic question all of us ask is 'does my life count?' His answer is profound, and at the same time simple: 'Extraordinarily so ... and it's not because of [any accomplishment or possession] ... You and I have extraordinary value because we were made by Jesus ... for Jesus.'

Even more profound, we have been 'invited to live our lives knowing him.'

When I am reminded of this incredible truth, I think of that old prophetess and what she said to me. Over time, I have come to see her words not as a threat, but a blessing. A beautiful promise of safety and of value.

I am fully in God's hands, and this is where my true worth lies.

rooms i could live in

2013-04-09T03:51:00.000-04:00

windows, books, and old wood floors

simplicity: white walls, glass accents

knitted things, linen things, various shades of gray

wall to wall picture frames, to add color

drying plants, this refrigerator

a bit of the ocean : driftwood, shells

a bit of the unusual, and exposed brick

a homey living space, like this

then again, i'm easily satisfied with sunshine and a good book.

that's all i really need.

SOURCES: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

birthdays and things

2013-04-07T07:05:00.000-04:00

about yesterday || for my family || because they've asked, and they couldn't be here.
how i missed hearing everyone sing the birthday song loudly and purposely off-key.
in fact, i demand a makeup birthday song when i'm home in june.
other than missing you all, it was a pretty good day. ♥

woke up to bob dylan on repeat, and this little face and these yellow daisies.
he picked out flowers for me all by himself.

tim made chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas, and it was every bit as good as it looks. i think we should eat them more often, actually. at least three times a week.

this is me on my 27th birthday. tim says it's a good picture because this is a true-to-me expression, and not my awkward camera-face. since i had no idea he was taking the photo, i believe him.

and this is the best birthday card in the world, from my family across the pond. it's filled up with little notes no one else would understand, about an unhappy goat, 2 lbs of cabbages and how much i'm missed, a chicken sketch, a choice movie quote, and the number of times my sister's fiance blinks per minute. It was almost like having my family with me and made me incredibly happy.

my dad wrote: there are some nice buses on craigslist waiting for your return to the U.S., you can park it in our driveway any time.

i would kind of like to live in a bus again, actually.

these are a couple of my loverly birthday presents, from tim. ♥ who is not pictured at all in this post, because, as i've said before, he 'dislikes being photographed.' i have to take them on the sly.

a boho feather bracelet from a danish boutique, which i am wearing as an anklet because i love anklets. tim actually gave me another anklet several years ago, with silver stars, and i lost it before moving to denmark which has made me kind of sad until now.

and a wooden whale by danish designer ole søndergaard, which has been on my wish-list for longer than i'd like to admit. i don't know why, exactly; i just kind of love it. it will be my thing i bring back with me from denmark.

the rest of the day : hopped a train to the copenhagen zoo, wore some animal masks, had a picnic (of sorts), went for a run, watched the breakfast club. and then i blew out my candles on the creepiest 'cake' i've ever seen, made by tim late last night.

as you can see, i'm all grown up ... what with my chocolate chip pancakes and toy whale, my tiger mask and day at the zoo. i always did think 27 would be the perfect age. not sure why but i guess i'll find out.
♥ cheers to another year!

You're going to be fine in about five minutes

2013-04-05T05:03:00.000-04:00

s o u r c e

Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we are in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening […] Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.

- ALICE WALKER

Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home [...] and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.

- KALYN LIVERNOIS

Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here.

- EVE ENSLER

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.

- MARC HACK

May I recommend serenity to you? A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. [...] Learn to be one with the joy of the moment."

- DOUGLAS ADAMS

Thursday Tunes

2013-04-04T09:05:00.001-04:00

The Oh Hellos: Through the Deep, Dark Valley

You simply must go download this free album. It's my new favorite sound.
Here's their little 'about':

"Art is to be found within people, not within the walls of a museum."

The Oh Hellos are Maggie and Tyler Heath, music-making siblings hailing from the great state of Texas. Their influences range from Mumford & Sons and The Lumineers to Los Campesinos!, old hymns, and Irish folk songs, bending and blending styles and genres into a unique mixture of eclectic folk rock.

The Oh Hellos' first full-length album, "Through the Deep, Dark Valley," is a self-contained concept album, and so for best results should be listened to in its entirety, in chronological order, in one sitting.

floral prints, sunshine, and unexpected mail

2013-04-02T05:51:00.001-04:00

This is shaping up to be such a lovely week.

Custom orders on my etsy, two short stories sent off to my editor (I love you, you), a newly-mapped out May adventure (planned over the weekend), and skype dates with some people I love ...

Also, my early birthday present from a certain fella' came in the mail on Saturday (pretty, isn't it?), along with a letter from my family I am waiting to open.

And we've had sunshine since Sunday.

I've been spending my mornings in the little patch of light on the studio floor while working, moving along with it as the sun climbs into the sky. This is what I was doing today, when the postal worker knocked on the big glass door opposite me, (gave me a look that, if I'm not mistaken, said I was crazy), and handed me this:

A completely unexpected early birthday present from Naomi
(you've made my week, you) :

♥Kimono Rose perfume and lotion (this is my scent of choice, and it's been difficult for me to come by in the last few years so you can imagine my excitement)

♥Pure Lavender Face Cream, with SPF (from Naomi's new line, Pure. Also check out her etsy shop After Hours Design; I'm in love with her Vintage Marigold Infinity scarf)

♥Chocolate espresso beans (for the coffee lover)

♥All-natural handmade soap from Naomi's hometown, which is making my apartment smell heavenly

♥and American Easter candy (not pictured because I am eating it).

I was actually having a frustrating morning (believe it or not, and I'll explain sometime), and then this came in the mail and made me feel so happy, and so very blessed.

Lest We Forget

2013-03-30T08:04:00.003-04:00

My kiddo in FB statuses since last summer:
(lest we forget endearing and potentially mockable moments)

8/28/12 - The Return of the Dreaded Pants (all eight pairs): After an enormous tantrum, Isaac wadded the pant legs up so they faintly resembled shorts, and then waddled out the door with his knees knocked together so the legs wouldn't fall down and become pants again.

8/29/12 - Today Isaac brought home a multifaceted stick. It is (apparently) a sword, an electric guitar, and a magic wand by which Isaac pulls little blue elephants out of thin air.

8/30/12 - Isaac learned how to make fart sounds on his arm at school today. Yay. :|

8/31/12 - Every time we get on a train Isaac treats the conductor like a waiter and tries to order bagels and juice. He also does this at the doctor's office. "UH, EXCUSE ME? A BAGEL?" :| If I didn't know better, I'd think he was trying to embarrass me.

9/25/12 - Isaac sings 'The Wheels on the Bus' in Danish and English. His favorite version includes what chickens, sheep, and cats do on the bus, along with various other livestock. Subsequently, it is a Danglish song about a bus in a third-world country.

9/6/12 - We got a print-out with the photos and names of Isaac's classmates today. Found out he thinks all the boys names are Jonas, and all the girls are Girl. And that's what he's been calling them. *facepalm.

9/6/12 – The kiddo just packed the blue duffel bag full of all his clothes, and informed me he is 'going home to have cake.' (By which he means GA.)

9/12/12 - Isaac is singing 'oh the things people will do for the ones that they love' (head and the heart). Made my day.

9/13/12 - I want to play green pigs, please mama, please? (This is what Isaac calls Angry Birds.)

9/20/12 - This morning, while looking at a printout of the kindergarten kids, Isaac saw Liv’s picture and said, "Isaac holds her hand!"

9/22/12 - At the beginning of this month, Isaac asked when we were going home (stateside). I said, 'three months.' This morning I overheard him saying, "One, two, HOME ON THREE!"

9/23/12 - Since meetings with his speech therapist began, Isaac's demands regarding 'going home' have become increasingly specific. This morning he told me he wanted to 'go home on the 19th on a boat and have ice cream.' So I told him I'd see what I could do (somehow I've got to make two months end on the 19th, turn the plane into a flying boat, and convince the flight attendant that she does, in fact, want to give a redheaded toddler ice cream ... or maybe he'll forget).

9/27/12 - I'm teaching Isaac the Dayo song. He sings it like this: Dayo (pirate) Daaaaayyoooo (pirate) Morning comes and the pirate goes home.

10/3/12 - I told Isaac his birthday was this month, and he would be turning five. And he said: FOR ME?! OH, THANK YOU, MAMA!

10/4/12 - Isaac had another sick day today. We've been painting and playing with legos. He asked me to put the lego men heads back on (because naturally they'd been decapitated), and then said, "Mama is strong!"

10/4/12 - My four-yr-old sets the table perfectly. Then I come out and spill a glass of juice all over everything and say, "Oh shit." Then the four-yr-old says "Yeah, shit, mama." *FAIL

10/10/12 - Just found Isaac staring at his reflection in the window, saying over and over, "Isaac has orange hair. Isaac is a carrot." He didn't seem very happy about it either.

10/15//12 - My kid has deeply-rooted privacy preferences (which involve him telling me, on a daily basis, "GET OUT, MAMA!" whenever he's in the bathroom and I happen to walk by the door), that are in for a rude awakening this Christmas when we go home to the land of twelve-plus people and two bathrooms.

10/23/12 - Isaac is superman today. When he says superman it sounds like Soupman. Which is better, in my opinion.

10/23/12 - Isaac always wants to call Tim on the way home from school. Nine times out of ten, it's a ploy to convince him to bring home cookies. "Uh, daddy? Cookies for Isaac, please? Love you, bye." It almost always works too, so I think he's onto something.

10/23/12 - My kid is on a roll today. He just told me he is "in love." I asked him who, and he said "a girl" and rolled his eyes at me.

10/28/12 - So we're watching The Wonder Years, and Kevin mentions Pussy Galore from 007. So I'm like, "Why was her name Pussy Galore?" (Seriously, why?) And then Isaac jumps up out of nowhere and starts screaming "PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY!" And now it's his new favorite word. *Facepalm/Who knew you could go wrong with The Wonder Years?

10/29/12 - Whenever I tell Isaac "let me help you," he says, "No! Isaac will help YOU." I can't tell if he's being a sweetheart or a smart-alec.

11/7/12 - When I pick Isaac up from kindergarten, the other kids always yell "HEJ ISAAC'S MOR!" This kind of makes me happy.

11/10/12 - Isaac is wearing my pinky ring. And it fits him perfectly. I can't wait till this works both ways, and I can wear his dinosaur t-shirts.

11/10/12 - Our new waffle-maker is heart-shaped. Isaac is now continually saying, "Mama, a heart to eat?"

11/12/12 - Isaac asked me to help him set up his train tracks in the living room. I said, 'Sorry, kiddo, got to make dinner.' And now he's in there singing a little song that goes like this: 'Isaaaaaac is saaaaad, saaaaad, saaaaaad ..."

11/14/12 - A new cardboard box came in the mail half an hour ago, and Isaac is beside himself with joy. It's been a car, a train, boat, and is now desperately trying to be a tree fort, with Tim as the tree. The climbing up Tim part isn't working out so well ...

12/5/12 - Isaac just tried on Tim's new shoes, looked at me with this utterly exasperated expression on his face, and said, "MOOOOOOMMMM! They're too big."

12/22/12 - Me: Isaac, don't look. I'm wrapping something for you. Isaac: For me?! (Sits down and prepares to watch). Me: Fine, then I'm going away. To wrap somewhere else. Isaac: Going away? But mama I love you!

1/5/13 - Last time I told Isaac his shower time was up, he said, 'Five more minutes!' It is now his favorite thing to say, but it's up for debate whether he actually knows what it means. 'Can I have paper? Five minutes of paper!' 'Tell me five minutes of secret.' And today, after I asked him if he was done using the bathroom: 'No! Five minutes of pooping!'

1/6/13 - I just watched as my kid wrapped his blue (security) elephant in tin foil and stuck it in the refrigerator. (?!)

1/8/13 - Isaac has trouble with his 'th' sound. Comes out like 'ffff'. So when I tell him 'daddy is thirty,' he says 'Forty?!' ... 'No, thhhhirty,' I correct. And he says, 'Oh. Furry.' ...yeah ok.

1/11/13 - My kid just walked up to me and said, "Can I have a shot glass of milk?"

1/17/13 - Isaac drew me a picture of (in his own words): "A door, a house, a chicken monster, a red light and green light, a car, rocks, Isaac, Liv, heart."

1/18/13 - I was watching an episode of Parenthood, and one mom said to another (I don't know their names): I bribe my kids with candy.
Now, normally I'd think this was a bad parenting technique, but truth-be-told I only wish it would work on Isaac. In my house, it goes down like this: "Isaac, if you eat your dinner you can have a cookie." "Huh. Nah. No cookie." (?!!)

1/21/13 - Isaac has taken it upon himself to be my Human Alarm Clock, only, for whatever reason, he's decided his favorite time is "MAMA, IT'S 14:16!!!! WAKE UP!" ... Which I've come to recognize as 5 or maybe 6:16 AM in reality, although the first time he did this I almost had a heart attack thinking I'd missed half the day. Peculiar child.

1/24/13 - It is (apparently) the most important criteria of Isaac's day that his underwear be blue. I wish I hadn't bought the multicolored pack.

1/25/13 - It dawned on me this morning that if I didn't know Tim, I would probably never take the time to eat an actual meal, I wouldn't own any warm clothing, and I'd have no idea how to navigate public transportation. On the same note, if I didn't know Isaac, I'd have no excuse to play with legos every day and watch Disney's Robin Hood. So essentially, I'd be starving, frozen, lost, and bored.

1/27/13 - "Isaac kissed Liv on the face and she said thank you." ... He's telling on himself in the third person. Weird and hilarious.

2/2/13 - Isaac's been watching all these Jackie Chan cartoons, so whenever he thinks I'm not looking, he goes into mantis pose, chops at the air, and says "HIIIII-YAAAAAA!" I'm trying really hard not to laugh so as not to embarrass him.

2/11/13 - Me: I feel sick. Isaac: Isaac is sick! Me too. I feel good, not. ... I think we're going to have to work on that whole sentence structure thing. And personal pronouns. Or maybe I'll just let him grow up to be Yoda.

2/13/13 - Today was the first time I asked Isaac for a kiss and he responded with, "NO! Kissing is yuck!" No more kisses for this mama.

2/14/13 - Isaac made me a valentine card at school today. It's a picture of me standing next to a heart and for some reason I have 'two belly buttons' (he was very specific about this when he showed it to me). O_o

2/16/13 - Woke up this morning to the sound of Isaac screaming, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" ... I think the little punk is trying to trick me.

2/20/13 - Isaac spotted a little girl in a pink coat on the bus today, and whispered (loudly): MAMA! Look! A BEEAAUUTIFUL girl!" ... Which might strike me as a tad early (he's five) if he hadn't forgotten about her by the next stop.

2/21/13 - We've been reading Dr. Suess. Isaac was particularly impressed with the page that says 'Say, look! A bird was in your ear!' ... And now he thinks there's a bird in his ear as well. Last week, for whatever reason, he was convinced he had spiders in his head. So I think this is an improvement.

2/25/13 - I told my 5-year-old he could have three cookies and he did not have to use a plate. He said he wanted 1.5 cookies and would like a plate. Something has gone amok with one of us, and I can't decide if it's him or me.

2/26/13 - This morning: Isaac, how old are you? ... FIVE! How old am I? ... TWO! How old is daddy? ... FORTY-SEVEN!

2/26/13 - On the bus-ride home today, Isaac spots two gorgeous teenage girls and says, "Mama, I love them." "Why's that?" I ask. "Well. They're pretty." ... He's growing up way too fast, but the main thing is, I'll never have ugly grandbabies. This kid's got taste.

3/1/13 - Usually when Isaac wakes up in the morning, he says (with alarm), "Mama! Where's the sun?!" And I reply, "Sorry kid, wrong country." ... Until today, at least (a happy, sunny Friday!). Isaac woke me up, screaming: "MAMA! I FOUND THE SUN!"

3/2/13 - Tonight, Isaac came up to me and said, "It's my mama! I love her! She's MY girl, see daddy?" ♥ But then later, when I told him it was bedtime, he said, "MAMA YOU COMMUNIST!" ... I didn't even know he knew that word.

3/3/13 - As per his usual, Isaac mushed up all the playdough colors into a big brown mess. I said, "That looks gross." Isaac: "Quiet, mama! These are not poops!"

3/4/13 - Isaac drew me a rainbow and put it in my back pocket. ♥

3/6/13 - My kid is such a trooper. He is covered in chicken pox from head to toe, and his biggest concern today (all day, in fact) is the paper cut on his thumb.

3/7/13 - Isaac thinks that putting his paintings in the refrigerator will make them dry faster. Or so I gather, since the only things I found in there this morning were milk, broccoli, and an entire gallery of watercolor houses on top of enormous hills. I should probably go shopping, or at least ask him to paint us some food.

3/7/13 - Isaac just cut a picture out of the newspaper and said, 'Look it's Jesus!' ... Tim: 'Actually it's Hans Christian Anderson.' O_o (Things that happen in Dk.)

3/19/13 - This morning, Isaac woke up convinced that he'd been scratched by a bird. When I said, "No, that's a paper cut. No bird," he said, "YES ARE!" ... which is his latest new phrase. Of course the English major in me can't handle this, so I correct him and say, "Yes it IS." And now he thinks I'm agreeing with him. "Yes it IS, mom, a bird cut." o_O Me: "No you may not have candy." Him: "YES ARE!" Me: "Yes, I may." Him: "YES I MAY!" ... You can see the dilemma.

3/22/13 - Isaac was laughing in his sleep last night, and when I asked him what was funny, he said (without waking up), "Grandma's hair is being silly!"

3/24/13 - No longer needs blue elephant to sleep. Prefers not to be kissed at kindergarten. Says he's drinking coffee when having hot chocolates. And yet, for some reason, finds it necessary to loudly announce (to the world) when he is finished using the bathroom. Go figure.

3/24/13 - Tim empties his pockets. Isaac confiscates old bus pass and says, "A ticket to go home!"

3/25/13 - Isaac: William syg. Liv syg. Syg means sick. Syg, sick. (My kid is teaching me Danish. ♥)

3/25/13 - It's difficult to tell Isaac bedtime stories. Case in point: Me: Once upon a time, there was a prince who lived in a castle. Isaac: No. The castle has a rainbow. Me: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a prince who lived in a castle with a rainbow. He also had a tower, a dragon, and a big flag. Isaac: No. He has a white flag, a red flag, a blue flag, a green flag, a pink flag, and a purple flag. Me: Okay. Also a princess lived in the castle. Isaac: No. A pirate. Me: But the pirate kidnaps the princess! Isaac: No. The pirate has a hook! Me: Nevermind. Once upon a time there was a dog named Buffy. Isaac: No. Buffy is a cat.
I hereby resign as story-teller.

3/28/13 - This morning when I tried to kiss Isaac: Him: NO! SCHOOL SAID NO KISSING! Me: Why? Him: Ferdinand kissed Theresa and they said NO MORE KISSING! Me: But I'm your mama! Him: NO KISSING! :| Reprimanded.

be kind to yourself

2013-03-29T06:54:00.000-04:00

I'm told this is the worst winter Denmark has had in the last twenty-six years, when it snowed on May 1st. Imagine that. In my entire lifetime, Denmark has had two woefully sad winters, and I got to be here for one of them. Life is hilarious, isn't it?

We had snow through the night.

I went running early this morning and thought it wasn't so bad; with any luck it might melt by evening. Mid-morning, coming down in flurries. I've got the heaters up, the coffee brewing, and am thinking of hibernating in Isaac's fort, since he has confiscated all the pillows and blankets as well as the sofa.

If winter-weather persists through May, I'm throwing my love of all-things-paper-and-print aside and downloading an e-copy of Flavia de Luce book 5, purchasing all the Cary Grant films on Amazon instant view, and braving the horrifying community kitchen because I am going to need brownies. Lots of them.

We've decided to stay put for most of April. We're making plans for nearby: canal tours of Copenhagen, a visit to Tivoli and the zoo, an oh-so-brief sailing expedition on a Viking boat in the Roskilde fjord, and a weekend at the Vineyard camp. We may also take the train for day trips to Sweden and Germany like we did last year, but that's probably the farthest we'll go this month. Plans for May travels, however, are underway. We're looking at Ireland and Wales. (♥)

I hope warmth comes soon, and not only because there are two summer dresses coming in the mail and I'd like to be able to wear them sometime this year.

One last thought:

A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, dream big, laugh a lot, and realize how blessed you are. - anon

(Notice how snow doesn't factor into this assessment of a good life. Apparently you can have a good life with or without winter - preferably without - and I am trying to keep this in mind. Happiness despite the weather.)

Also: Be kind to yourself. (It's difficult to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.)

lessons in breathing

2013-03-28T04:55:00.001-04:00

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. || Hemingway

This is actually one of my new year resolutions. Granted, it was never this eloquent until now; it began as more of a blazing intention to really experience (whatever it is I'm able to experience) to the fullest. To participate in a caution-to-the-wind, accept-the-challenge, take-time-to-smell-the-roses kind of way. To revel in being alive.

March got me kind of down, with all the snow and sickness, but I'm feeling the motivation again.

Pinterest source ... please share original source with me if you find it!

awakening

2013-03-26T05:11:00.001-04:00

The snow has almost melted with the coming of spring. I hope it isn't another false alarm, this glimpse of warmth and color.

Denmark is full of surprises; weeks of off-white, a blending of earth and sky, followed by unexpected color. The colors of the landscape feel unreal, they are so vibrant, and I'm never sure if it's because they actually are, or because they're rare.

More often than not, the morning light doesn't last. It is choked by a blanket of clouds that roll in off the fjord. On the days that stay sunny, I like to stand on the third-story deck, close my eyes, and pretend I am in Oak Island with my family, while the Danish seagulls crow in the distance.

This morning, while out on my five-mile route, I ended up adjacent to another runner. I realized I was unconsciously trying to race her (I blame my father) until we reached the stop light and met. Her name is Lena and she lives in a nearby co-op. She said that her community is composed of about twenty families who eat together every evening, and take turns cooking. She cooks twice in five weeks, and she's invited me to visit.

I told her it was funny we'd met, because I'd just been walking through the co-op neighborhood last weekend, and wondering about it - how they lived and worked together, and if I could live like that. She said it is just like family in that you have the same ups and downs as you do with your own, which can be good and bad in turn.

This made me think of two things: living on the small bible school campus in Bandon, Oregon, and a folk school in North Carolina where I took oil painting one summer. I don't remember the bible school too well, since I was so small at the time, but I do recall this feeling of all-things-shared: homes, food, beliefs. The folk school was also a close-knit community. They met in the main lodge every morning for coffee and live music, grew their own vegetables to serve in the cafeteria, and had contradancing and bonfires in the evenings. It was unusual, and beautiful in its own way.

Sometimes I think it'd be good for me to try that kind of thing out as an adult. A creative, organic lifestyle with other families, and maybe my coffeehouse. I have reclusive tendencies in the winter, and it becomes all too easy for me to disappear. To forget how much I like being around other people unless forced, or until the sun comes out again.

Which is another beautiful thing about spring, this annual awakening.