Ladies? Please!

Who is in ctrl?

2017-07-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.
The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,
"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?"
She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote."
*Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies.....
The story continues....
The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.
He said, "your husband has blocked your credit card.........."
*MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....
Wife took out her husband's credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
*Moral: Don't underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..
Story continues...
After swiping, the machine indicated, 'ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE'.......
*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*
Story continues....
She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.
It was her husband's phone showing the forwarded SMS.
She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn't call her during her shopping.
She bought her items and returned home happily.
*Moral: Don't underestimate a desperate woman!
Story continues....
On getting home, his car was gone.
A note was pasted on the door
"Couldn't find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something"
Damn!!... He left with the house key too.
*Moral: Don't try to control your husband.
You will always lose

The Best Of George Carlin Exposing The American Government

2016-10-22T08:14:00.001-07:00

2 Kinds of Women

2015-02-21T01:07:00.001-08:00

There are only 2 kinds of women.
You go to take her hand when crossing the road and her reaction is...
1. I'm not a child. I can cross the road myself.
2. He cares.

Defining Love

2014-11-29T23:04:00.001-08:00

The way we think about love and our perception of what it is meant to be.
When the other half goes and does some things for you subconsciously, as do we all, it is an act of love. No extra effort is made, it just flows naturally. Even when you do go out of your way, it is still just for the love of yourself. Will this make my lover happy?
.. Actually, it in fact is about you making yourself happy because it would please you, to see them happy. So basically. .. It would please you to please them.

Ladies? Please!: Hitting Like on Facebook

2014-03-14T06:21:00.001-07:00

Ladies? Please!: Hitting Like on Facebook

Hitting Like on Facebook

2014-03-14T06:13:00.001-07:00

Hitting Like.
Hitting like is a feeling one gets in the blink of an outside of a second. It is such a powerful energy that darts through your everything and flies right through your finger and on into the energies of the cyber fairies.
Creating in that split second, a positive force that amalgamates with other forces in play to produce a positive result.
So hit like all you want. Do your bit through your sh1+.

Watching Home Movies with Her

2014-02-28T11:47:00.001-08:00

Watching videos on TV with this alien is like pulling teeth. The smoke break turns into a cup of tea as well.
The phone rings during the smoke break and she disappears while you answer the call.
You're done and have to go looking for her to carry on with the movie and you find her cleaning her shoes.
You let her know that you are ready to carry on and make your way back to the TV.
If she doesn't come out and model one of her pairs of shoes with some long story about their origin or reason for purchase.
Then it's Oh I need another cigarette. One of those. And another 20 min slip by.
What I should do to get any peace is take her to the movies.

Music is the answer

2014-02-02T03:08:00.001-08:00

Music...The answer to your prayers. When the nagging gets too much, turn up the music. It is also a good idea to make sure it is something she likes. Preferably upbeat.
Music is a universal sense of upliftment. It will help to cheer her up and at the least, drown out the moaning.

Stepmom Says I Look Good

2013-12-20T23:00:00.001-08:00

My stepmom and I have never really hit it off for as long as I remember.
Last night she came to a family gathering for my brother who had come from England to South Africa to see his new born grandchild.
I was standing in just my shorts, on the porch of the guest house with a large Savanna in hand, when my sister and my stepmom arrived.
They came ambling up the stairs greeting everyone as they went.
Well I politely greeted her with a light peck on the cheek. Then I noticed she did not move on inside with my sister as would be the norm. Instead she stood there looking at me worth a glint in her eye.
"You look very well" she said smiling. Being so full of myself I retorted "Yes I do" and she continued to look strangely at me. I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable when she suddenly turned to go on inside.
Later I mentioned to my sister that the stepmom was giving me the once over and possibly trying to chat me up.
Well she burst out laughing saying how vain I was because the fact was that my stepmom was going blind.

Nut Screws & Bolts

2013-11-28T02:17:00.001-08:00

Nut Screws & Bolts.
I was told a story today about an incident that happened many years ago at an insane asylum.
One of the patients at the establishment managed to get out of his padded cell.
He continued to overpower one of the nurses and raped her.
He then proceeded to walk out the front door and escaped.
The Headlines for the Newspapers the following day was. .. Nut Screws & Bolts.

Security? What's That?

2013-11-10T05:40:00.001-08:00

A woman is designed by nature to develop a family.
Her entire intention is to find a mate that will be able to provide for her children. It is not necessary for him to be around as long as he brings in the bacon.
She will set up home and take care of the children, as long as the finances are available. Quite frankly, he is in the way of her running a household MOST OF THE TIME.
She does not need him, she just needs his money. She will encourage him to get out of the house to go to work or play. She will make sure that he's clothes are ready, his food is made, and do all the things a domestic would do.
Having Sex for her, was just to get the children. Once she has enough children the Sex stops. The so called mutual interest is no longer mutual.
It is for this reason that most woman don't really mind a man having a bit on the side. As long as it does not interfere with her security or threaten the lifestyle she had set up for her children.
If you have a woman that you love with all your heart, then you need to take this into consideration before you agree to have children.
Once they are there, you become obsolete to her. If she is still having Sex with you it is because she is still insecure.

Methamphetamine (Tik) and the Woman

2013-08-03T05:37:00.001-07:00

Methamphetamine (Tik) has become such a problem that the people have had enough.
They no longer want to help the individuals that they use to.

Going out of my way to help these strange people I discovered that they do not want help. All the talk of giving up and getting their lives in order is just a con.
The whole time that you are talking to them they are caniving to see what they can get out of you so that they can get another fix.
By the time they leave your house you have become exhausted from watching that they don't steal anything. That is if they haven't already.

I know one strange alien that wants her children back so badly but cannot kick the habit. She admits that she has a problem but it has its hooks so deep into her that she can't get out.

It would take her leaving the father of her children, who she thinks she loves dearly. If both parties in a relationship are on a drug it becomes a total mind warp. One of them tries to stop and the other is not ready to change yet. Then the other tries and so on.

Tik has more of an addictive nature than most drugs and if they stay together the cycle will start all over again. She would have to leave him. There is no other way. If she wants her children back, she would have to sacrifice her so called happiness.

She would need to get a stable job where she could meet new drug free friends and start a whole new social circle.

In fact she would need a complete makeover. Tik tends to make these aliens shrink. They seem to age very quickly as the face becomes drawn.

The strangest thing is that these "Tikkops" are unaware that we can see that they are raving. They chew constantly and there is nothing in the mouth. Their conversation is all onesided, all about them, their problems, and are always someone else's fault. The world has kicked them in the teeth.

For those of you who are stupid enough to even try Methamphetamine, or to think of trying it:-
1. They steal out of their own houses to sell and buy drugs.
2. They even sell their cars to get this drug.
3. Sex. This drug makes them act like rabbits so selling their bodies would be a plus.

2 Woman and a Mountain Pass

2013-07-23T05:11:00.001-07:00

Just a quick trip she told me. Just across the mountain, and over to the shops. Your sister needs to go and see her customers.
Well, they left at 6 o'clock in the morning.

11 o'clock I received a message that they was stuck on the mountain in a 4x4 bakkie.

Now far be it from me, to be critical but isn't that what you would expect from 2 woman who go over mountains alone.

It is not the worry that bothers me it is that I may now have to go over the mountain to fetch them. Not what I had planned for the day.

What if I had decided to go and get totally drunk on this day of opportunities or is this the intention of the message. To simply ruin any plans that I could conjure.???

You have to think carefully about the fact that she could be manipulating you even when she is not there.

Shouting on the Rooftop

2013-07-23T04:04:00.000-07:00

It was 4 am and the little dog was yapping, yapping and yapping. By this time she had had enough. She climbed all the way up to the rooftop. When she got there, she proceeded to address the direction of the commotion. It went something like this...

"If you don't shut that fucking dog up, I will personally come over there and shut it up for you. Permanently."

And then there was silence.

Later she joked about removing all the dogs innards and staking it to the front door. But I wonder. Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Xmas - No Problem

2013-01-05T07:52:00.000-08:00

With all this excitement over the festive period, I am happy to announce that I feel completely rested. Being a pucker male I have allowed the aliens the right to go ahead and take charge in this family orientated quest that comes once a year, making complete fools of themselves.
"Look what I did, and all that."
By allowing them the reigns to carry on at will I managed to get completely drunk and rehabilitated in a matter of days without the usual complaints.
Never before have I seen so many destroyed men, moping about because they had all the running around to do, the cleaning up and carting away.
Have you guys not been listening to what I am trying to teach you. You can only win by letting them win. Give them the go ahead and watch them fly...completely out of your way.
So dry up your tears my fellow men and grow a pair. You have created your own monsters and it is only you who can slay them. Dust yourselves off and start again. A woman wants a MAN. It only appears that they are concerned when you sit with your beer in front of the TV and burp and fart. However they prefer to have you where they can find you at short notice in case.
An alien will only live for you...if you are are worth living for.

Sweet 16 to Sweet 116 Secrets

2012-12-07T02:18:00.001-08:00

I mean really, sweet 16 to sweet 116. Wow!

The secrets that have been mentioned are that:
1. She minds her own business. Clever woman.
2. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and NO junk food.
3. Maintain a great sense of humor.
4. Do Crosswords or use other brain stimulation.

Now don't say I didn't warn you. These aliens have the strangest powers.

You see them changing to all these new alternative methods and healthy foods, like nuts, salads and veg. They lay the table with an array of rabbit food. They go to great lengths to make it all look so pretty and inviting. Yet, we maintain that we need our meat and to get our fat on.
After all, we need to oil our joints and wash it down with a good pint,
don't we?
They taunt you with "You must watch your heart" and "That's not good for your liver" etc. One would think they were our mothers the way they carry on.
However,with this old dame, Bess Cooper, living to a ripe old age of 116 years, maybe it is time to re-think our manly reasoning. What if they are right? Wouldn't you want to live a little longer? Perhaps healthier? of course you would.

Now I am not saying that we need to stop eating meat. What I am saying is that we need to cut down on our intake. Instead of 2 chops have one. Fill your plate with vegetables and salads and then garish with little bits of meat.

When you think about this, you have to consider that you might have to put up with her crap a lot longer than you could ever have imagined. You might as well be healthier and , yes...more fit so as to be able to take up the challenge. What is the point of being lethargic all day. Diving for the Berrocca for energy.

I say, we need to secretly agree with these aliens. At least when it comes to food, alternative medications and perhaps lifestyle. Choke!

Have a look at how to slow the aging process. Click Here Now. Don't wait till it is too late

China's Ring! My Hat!

2012-11-20T02:31:00.001-08:00

The portal would be in China as they have the most woman there. I mean 21-12-2012 is on our doorstep.

How appropriate.

China's Ring? Trust the Chinese aliens to convince the men to build a portal. This will allow the even more obnoxious aliens to come and finish the men off. What were the men thinking? Are you men so lame that you don't know that you are being led around by the nose.
I bet some China-man thinks this was his idea.
I presume that the aliens have discovered how to produce sperm now. They don't need the men anymore. I have warned you, that once they know how to reproduce without us, there will be no more need for us men.

It is time to hone your survival skills with only a month to go.
Click Here for more Realistic Info.

Rubber or Grubber

2012-04-28T23:47:00.001-07:00

I was sitting at the end of a bar, having a quiet drink. There are friends sitting to my left, but on their own vibe.

This young alien comes and plonks herself on the last chair and spreads her legs and starts to grind herself with a soft moaning.

I look over at her and say,"your birthday is going very well."

She starts peaking and grabs for my hand. I calmly take the hand of a friend next to me and pass it on to her behind my back.

The moaning increases and as she climaxes she notices that I have both my hands in front of me. In a soft voice she says "I never knew you had three hands..."and a faint giggle.

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Tell her

2012-03-13T00:44:00.001-07:00

If something is bothering you, and you keep it bottled up, you are going to regret it. You have to get it of your chest.

Tell her what the problem is, even if you have to rant and rave to get your point across. But tell her.

She will now move around you for a while, until she can concede that you are right, in her own time. After which she will change into this fake nice person, to prove that she is not like that.

Believe me, this only lasts for a while. So take advantage of this time to mention some of the smaller things that are bothering you.

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Dating Drunken Woman

2012-02-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

Well to get laid in a hurry we like to ply our dates up with a little bit of juice. The operative word here is little, perhaps a glass or two, no more. The inhibitions slip away and we are on the road to getting laid. The problem is when you have drowned the wench in wine and she is now of no physical use to you, unless you are seriously hard up and horny. They are worse than any man when it comes to being over the limit. Who wants a fall down drunk for a girlfriend anyway? Can you see her as the mother of your children?
These creatures are not up to the drinking capacity that we men can handle. So if you are drinking it up to gain the courage, then rather go to the bar to order your drinks and have a shooter by yourself. Then when you feel that you are now confident enough to make your move, she will be at the same level although she is way behind you on drinks.
You want to keep her in the happy drunk frame of mind and dare not go any father because once she enters the aggressive mode you are wasting your time.
The aliens also want to get laid and probably just as much as we do, but we need to know that it is not the booze that gets them there. It is the frame of mind that we put them in.
All the wining and dining is a ritual that is merely a guide to how to get a woman in the mood. It still is up to you to get her into a conversation that she enjoys talking about, steering her subjects with gentle, yet persuasive prompts. This done by finding out what she likes, her hobbies, her passions etc and asking questions about them with keen interest.
EG. Say something like,"I find that it is important to know what our passions are. Then we need to k now how to make money from them. This way we will enjoy going to work everyday, because we are doing the things that we are passionate about." and then ask her what she is passionate about and then help her think of ways to make money from this. More on this later.
Back to the subject of the drunken tart.
Drag it home,rip it's clothes off, throw it on the bed and bang it to your hearts content. Then roll over and go to sleep like most men do anyway and in the morning pretend (if necessary) that you don't remember a damn thing.

Mornings: The Getting Up Misery

2011-11-05T03:27:00.000-07:00

Why do they always wake up in a bad mood? There can be a few reasons. You left the place untidy with bottles, cans and glasses, when you and your friends finished having a drinking session. You said something wrong before you went to bed. She is late, or late for an appointment. Who the hell knows. All I can say is, get up earlier, get ready and get out before she wakes up.

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Where Were You?

2011-10-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and slid out of bed, my feet hitting the cold parquet flooring. I decided to give the blood a chance to reach my feet before standing up.
Thoughts of the days events began racing through my mind. I stood up and ambled over to the washbasin to wash my face and clear my head. I looked up into the mirror and smiled silently to myself. What a fast paced day I was in for.
I washed up and then sat down to a strong cup of coffee, briefly going over some paperwork. As soon as I had my plan for the day, the rush set in.
I jumped in a shower and quickly got dressed. Then I headed for the door still smiling. As I reached my car a thought struck home. You know when you get that feeling that you have forgotten something? I hesitated for a moment, then brushed the idea aside and climbed into my car.
I was just about to turn the key when a sharp knock on my window got my attention. Here in the broad daylight was the most stunning babe in her nightgown and boy did she look pissed.
I rolled down my window and started to explain that I knew I had forgotten something, when I felt a sharp crack against my cheek.
"Where the F..k were you last night?"

Getting Married?

2011-10-24T06:22:00.000-07:00

If you are thinking of getting married,I suggest that you find some "Biatch" alien you don't like and go ahead and buy her a house,give her your car,sign over most of your income etc. Soon enough you will be in that same boat anyway.
Marriage is the first step to divorce,but if you are NOT married you never have to use the word.Living together has major advantages: You can do whatever you want. You are not married.You never have a major fallout because you never get divorced.
That term "DIVORCE" has such an impact that there is no turning back the clock wishing you had never opened your mouth. Strike it from your vocabulary unless you are absolutely sure that there is no possible way that you intend staying with your spouse.
Once you have used the word or have heard it for the first time,consult your attorney immediately.The "Biatch"has kicked in.No matter what she says,does or pretends. Believe me!!! You can go forward for years from that moment but it will always be in the back of her head.She will love you to death to get your assets up.Buying her jewelry to apologize works,I wonder why?
Whatever you spend on her,make sure you spend on yourself!!!

She delights in what she dislikes.pp

2011-10-24T05:32:00.001-07:00

I hate fucking this and I hate fucking that. Its like she has a list of things that she has to go through before she finally gets to the point.
Now far be it for me to decide which complaint to react to. I just go with the flow and soon enough she will come clean.

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What equality? God made MAN in His image.

2011-10-24T05:06:00.000-07:00

He took a rib from man and created woman, so woman are but spare ribs.

In the old days, Man used to hunt and fish to provide for the mother of his children and possibly family.

An email I received"
IT'S TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE …
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white U.S. government official,
'You have observed the white man for 90 years.
You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied,
'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water..
Women did all the work, Medicine man free.
Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled,
'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.

So it is not only me that thinks this way!