MARRIAGE SOFTWARE

Questions and Smart answers

2012-10-24T22:42:00.001+01:00

Teacher: What do you call a Bee that live in America?
Student: USB
Teacher to students.. Pls pay attention..
Student: How much sir?
Teacher: If corn oil is madefrom corn & vegetable oil ismade from vegetables. Wat is baby oil made from?
Student: Babies
Teacher: How do we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home
Husband to wife: how do i get money to buy ram for sallah
Wife: take your laptop to the computer village and remove the RAM
lol

MKHIZE and SITHOLE

2012-10-14T00:44:00.002+01:00

MKHIZE: I want my money now,

SITHOLE: I'll kill myself to be free from you and he immediately he pulled a gun and shot himself dead.

MKHIZE: hahaha.....! If you think you will get away with my money you are wrong, I'll follow you until you pay me, he said this as he took the gun and shot himself dead as well.

NGCOBO: was watching from a distance, he laughed and said "these guys are funny, I want to watch this quarrel till the end, so he also took the gun and killed himself also.

"SO IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT,YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO"..

5 died in a car accident

2012-10-11T20:05:00.002+01:00

The Headlines News read: 5 died in a car accident!

The following day, in a classroom a teacher asks Bruno to count from 0 to 10

Bruno: 0 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10

Teacher: Where is 5?

Bruno: Yesterday I heard on the news that 5 died in a car accident.

LMAO......

What is Politics

2011-01-21T16:12:00.000+00:00

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy
goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Watching what you Eat

2011-01-21T12:23:00.002+00:00

For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you.

WHY PARENTS DRINK

2010-09-28T21:06:00.000+01:00

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home

JUST BEEN NUTTY

2010-07-03T01:02:00.000+01:00

During office time, employees of a particular company are all worried. Some are in loud discussions.......
A new trainee that have just joined the company enquired from a senior employee what was going on. And the the following conversation followed:

TRAINEE: What's going on?

SENIOR EMPLOYEE: Terrorist have kidnapped our boss. They are asking for a million dollars randsom,
   otherwise they will douse him with petrol and set him on fire!

TRAINEE:    What are we going to do?

SENIOR EMPLOYEE: We are going from desk to desk taking up a collection.

TRAINEE:   So, how much is everyone giving, on average?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
SENIOR EMPLOYEE:     ABOUT 1 LITRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUESTION TIME

2010-06-23T00:56:00.000+01:00

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? ha ha ha hehe......
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Oops...
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker.
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why is it called building when it is already built?
If a book about failures sells, is it a success?
If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots

I love English Language.................. Ha ha ha

The Tech Savvy Donkey

2010-06-20T00:37:00.000+01:00

MARRIAGE SOFTWARE

2010-05-21T01:07:00.000+01:00

A guy wrote the letter below to the systems analyst @ Lafta Bus stop Marriage Software Division:

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Football 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

... AND THIS IS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........

C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1 " (Short Skirt Version)
or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH