1. Morley Cigarettes
When you want a character to use a familiar product, but you also want that character to be an amoral, murdering sociopath, then what do you do? Well, in the case of The X-File’s “Cigarette Smoking Man,” you use a brand that is obviously an expy for something else.
Morley Cigarettes mimic the package design of real-world Marlboro Cigarettes, right down to the font of the lettering. And while Mulder’s nemesis might have made Morley a household name (of sorts), the fake cancer sticks have been around quite a bit longer, first appearing as chocolate cigarettes in the Dick Van Dyke Show, and later showing up being smoked by the incomparable William Shatner in the famous “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” episode of the Twilight Zone. They have since appeared in over 60 movies, TV shows, and video games. Taking that into account, it’s probably safe to say that Morley’s cigarettes have killed more fictional characters than Stephen King.
2. Duff Beer
Duff Beer is the prefered beverage of America’s best loved overweight alcoholic, Homer Simpson. As with every aspect of of a television show that’s been running for over two decades, Duff has gained a significant amount of backstory and screen time. With it’s own amusement park (Duff Garden’s), mascots (the Seven Duffs, Duffman) and even an evil counterpart (Fudd Beer, which is often drunk in neighboring Shelbyville), Duff has become one of the most recognizable fake brands in the world. Well, sort of. Despite Simpons creator Matt Groening refusing to license the beer due to concerns of child-targeted marketing, many companies have attempted to make their own real-life versions of Duff beer. Because, you know, a mentally challenged fat guy with jaundice-yellow skin who works a dead end job is the perfect celebrity endorser.
3. Dunder-Mifflin
Just how important is paper in an increasingly digital world? If you’re one of the employees at the constantly-in-danger-of-going-out-of-business Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Inc., then the answer is a resounding “meh.” With petty squabbles, office rivalries, childish pranks and the occasional management disaster, paper seems to be the last thing on the minds of the characters of NBC’s The Office. Of course, that hasn’t stopped the Dunder-Mifflin brand from breaking out of the confines of fiction and entering the real world; the office supply store Staples has even started to sell Dunder-Mifflin paper, which is strange, considering that on the show, Staples is one Dunder-Mifflin’s biggest competitors. Hmmm. Hopefully none of that paper carries any of the obscene watermarks from season 3.
4. Wonka
With confectionery curiosities such as an everlasting jawbreaker and gum that contains the flavor of a three-course meal, it’s no wonder that the Wonka brand is the world’s leading candy maker in Roald Dahl’s novel, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” In fact, it’s popularity is great enough that it causes a worldwide craze when it begins it’s golden ticket promotion. In real life, the Willy Wonka Candy Company is owned by Nestle and produces fun, but not quite magical treats such as Nerd, Runts and Pixy Stix … alright, Pixy Stix are still pretty magical, I guess.
5. Nuka-Cola
In the post-apocalyptic wasteland of the Fallout video game franchise, there’s only one thing better than a cup of irradiated water: an ice-cold bottle of equally irradiated soda! Nuka-Cola acts as an in-game stand-in for Coca-Cola, but with a few differences. For one thing, it’s unique flavor is said to be derived from a combination of 17 different fruits. There are several different variants to the basic recipe available, but the most interesting is probably Nuka-Cola Quantum. With twice the calories, twice the caffeine and twice the taste, it’s a huge hit.
One in-game character describes the taste as being something like “downing a fistful of sugar and punching yourself in the face.” To make it stand out better on store shelves, it’s manufacturers added an extra fruit flavor and also included a mildly radioactive isotope in the recipe, which makes it glow with an eerie blue light. And for those who consume it, there is one other added benefit: it make’s a person’s urine glow a bright, electric blue.
6. Bluth Company
The Bluth Company was started by business mogul George Bluth Sr. on the short lived (but soon to be rejuvenated!) sleeper hit Arrested Development. In addition to building low-quality mini-mansions, selling frozen bananas and acting as the personal piggy bank for the mostly amoral family, the Bluth Company was also suspected of violating trade embargos and building homes in Iraq for Saddam Hussein. And although the business falls on hard times throughout the show’s run, it does begin to regain some of its lost glory when George Bluth Sr. is acquitted of all charges and released from prison … only to have his wife Lucile arrested in his place. Well, there’s always money in the Banana Stand.
7. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes
First off, if you don’t know what this is, then just skip ahead to the next point. We hold no malice towards you, and we’re actually kind of glad that there are still people in the world who don’t know a whole lot about Harry Potter, but the fact is that with seven book’s worth of backstory, the explanation here just isn’t going to do justice. Suffice it to say that Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes is a company that makes practical joke kits and magic sets in a world where real magic exists. As such, they’re able to sell things such as extendable ears (for eavesdropping), headless hats (for making a wearer’s head invisible), and spell-checking ink quills. Of course, once you get past the wonder and magic of this quaint little shop, you realize how irresponsible it would be to sell things like portable swamps and living carnivorous Frisbees to children, but I guess that’s the Weasley twins for you.
8. Pizza Planet
A sci-fi themed pizza joint in the Pixar universe, Pizza Planet is best known for its spaceship-sporting delivery trucks and its little green alien claw machine prizes. Although it might not be the most interesting brand on this list, it does get points for consistency — a Pizza Planet reference can be seen in every Pixar film ever made, with the exception of The Incredibles. Of course, Incredibles was the best one, so maybe they should start to phase poor Pizza Planet out.
9. Acme
If you want something, and you want it fast, then Acme is the company for you. Perhaps best known for it’s constant appearance (and dangerously defective products) in the classic Looney Tunes animated cartoons, the name Acme has become synonymous for “fake-brand.” And with an average delivery time of approximately two seconds, if Acme were to actually exist in our universe, it would wipe Amazon from the face of the Earth. Well, until some kid immolated himself with faulty Acme brand rocket skates, that is.
10. Wayne Enterprises
Although not nearly as widely recognized as Acme, Wayne Enterprises (with it’s CEO Bruce Wayne, AKA Batman) is immeasurably cooler. Dabbling in everything from real estate, to military hardware, to robotics technology, Wayne Enterprises is the cash-cow that provides Batman with the milk he needs to doll out creamy justice. And when one can embezzle enough money out of a company to build an orbiting space station without anyone even noticing, then you know the company must be doing well.
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