Lark's Nest

Revelations

2012-02-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

I wrote this quite awhile ago as a guest post on a dear friends blog.

Since we are CURRENTLY feeling some revelations (not sharing this point, what those promptings are about), I thought this post would be great to share with all of you!

Hope you enjoy.

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I feel prompted to share the revelations that moved us to become foster parents.Foster care is hard. It has its tough moments. It also has its amazingly spiritual moments! My husband and I have always been very QUICK folks. We don't wait around for anything.(We knew each other 7 days before getting engaged!) We started planning for a family immediately. The Lord had another plan for us... After struggling with fertility issues for 12 months, I begged my Heavenly Father to provide us with an answer. Why were we struggling to have a baby?!? The answer came in the form of a blessing I had received weeks before our wedding. I stumbled across my patriarchal blessing in our dresser drawer where I had left it for safe keeping. Without divulging the specifics, part of my blessing indicated that I would raise children carried in my heart. What the heck did that mean? I found out what the Lord had planned for us late one night while I scoured the Internet for "cures" for our fertility woe's. There was a small Google ad on my screen about adoption. What the heck, I clicked on it. My heart became full when I read the adoption agencies mission statement, and it read WORD FOR WORD what my patriarchal blessing had promised me... children carried inside my heart! The bells went off, and the next morning we were calling every adoption agency in the Yellow Pages.

Much to my dismay, we did not meet the requirements of most agencies because we had not been married for 2 years. After another prayer to my Heavenly Father, and another Internet search, we learned about foster care adoption. Within the week we had contacted the Utah Foster Care Foundation, met with a recruiter, and signed up for the required 36 hours of training. Everyone thought we were crazy!! People told us all the time, "Just relax. The babies will come naturally if you just chill out." To them I would respond, "Adoption is NOT our second choice."

After completing half of our training with the state, we were dismayed when both our trainer and our caseworker told us the likelihood of us getting an infant was very low... Not that we were against raising older children, but we didn't want to have the children dealing with looks and hushed questions when we had only been married for 2 years but had a ten year old. We knew we would get them. So, we gave up on the idea of foster care, and continued living our lives as newlyweds. There was nothing I wanted more than to be a mother. After spending a weekend crying to my husband about our lack of babies, I thought it would never get any better. My infertility was controlling so many of my emotions! We knelt together in family prayer and studied the scriptures and went to bed early that night... I woke up covered in sweat, crying out in panic. I shook my husband awake and told him that I KNEW our baby was out there! They needed us to find them as soon as possible, and that we needed to be ready. (He thought I was insane, but went with it.)The next morning, I contacted the Foster Care Foundation, and scheduled us to finish our foster training.

September came, and I went back to work as a pre-school teacher with our school district. A job I LOVED! My husband lost his job and was working temp agencies in the area. It was a stressful time for us. We still had not gotten our child, and we were still waiting anxiously. We were prompted to finish a nursery, and have everything ready. In October, I lined my cute pre-schoolers up to take them out to the playground. I reached out and grabbed my cell phone off my desk to use as a clock, and we were off. I helped toddlers cross the monkey bars and played kickball. When my phone started ringing, I felt the urge to answer. I had my assistant take over the class and stepped away. It was my caseworkers voice on the other end. When I realized I was on speaker phone, the tears started streaming down my face... I don't remember much from the phone call except the part where she told me I was going to be a mother. We brought home our beautiful daughter and our adoption was finalized 7 months later.

During the summer, we fostered a sweet little boy. He was so much fun! Our hearts were broken when he left our home on October 2, 2007. I found myself angry with Heavenly Father for taking this sweet spirit away from our home. With prayer, came comfort... After a week of tears, we received the call that our daughters biological sister had come into custody and she was coming to join our family. (This was almost EXACTLY a year from receiving the first phone call about our oldest daughter.) She joined our family and her adoption was also finalized quickly. We were so happy! We decided that we were content as we were, and we closed our file with the state.

Fast forward a year... I had been spending lots of my time thinking about our daughters birth mother. Where was she? Was she safe? Had she had more children that were in danger? We toyed with the idea of finding her, but decided that it was not in the best interest of our girls. They had been removed for her lack of parenting skills because she was a drug addict and a petty criminal. Not what we wanted for our girls!! The promptings got stronger, and my fears got worse. When studying my scriptures, I came across this:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
With faith in our Heavenly Father, we began searching out our Birth mother. We had no luck with conventional methods, and we started searching social networking sites. I found her!! I panicked because she had another baby... but everything on her site seemed like she was doing better. I contacted her, and agreed to meet up with her. I was pleasantly surprised when I did! She was a totally different person. She had stopped using drugs, she had gotten a job and was attending school. Her spirit was amazing! We now share an amazingly close relationship, and enjoy having "Tummy Mommy" as part of our family. We are proud to say that we are one of the few families that have an OPEN foster care adoption!

When we felt prompted to open our file back up, we did not question our Heavenly Father like we had always been so quick to do in the past. Within a week of an approved home study, our Little Man came into our home. We were told that this would be temporary, but He calmed our hearts and minds and assured us that this sweet child would be ours for eternity. He was right as usual. We are so thrilled that we will be completing our family in a matter of weeks... unless Heavenly Father feels that we should be blessed with just one more sweet spirit. The revelations we have enjoyed, have truly been great blessings!

For the most part, we have had nothing but support from our family and friends when it comes to our adoption decisions... I can actually only think of a few people that were not supportive. They think that we just "fly by the seat of our pants". Well, honestly, we do! But believe me, its not without much prayer and much divine intervention from a loving Heavenly Father. For those of you struggling with non-supportive family/friends, I close with this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley...
"Let us get on our knees and plead with the Lord for direction. Then let us stand on our feet, square up our shoulders, and march forward without fear..."

Somethings Afoot!

2012-02-08T22:34:00.001-07:00

i wont be divulging any REAL information...

other than to say, something BIG may be coming soon to the Lark's Nest.

hopefully sooner than later.

hopefully you will all still be here to find out what it is.... hehe.

(i am such a tease, aren't i?)

Heartburn

2012-02-04T09:24:00.001-07:00

we have a representative in our state proposing a bill that would REQUIRE Family & Human services to list the names of "private service providers" on the State's website.

who are the "private service providers"?!?

FOSTER PARENTS

i am not certain WHY this representative thinks this is a good idea.

i am not sure what motive she is hoping to accomplish.

but i am sure, this will drastically cut down our already dim numbers of "private service providers".

would you sign up to be a foster parent if you knew that all a biological parent had to do to track you down was visit the library and search a simple website?!?

clearly, this wouldn't be an issue in the majority of cases, but what about the other cases where this would pose serious threat of safety to us and our families?!?

all this proposed legislation does is make me SICK.

did you all know that one of our daughters biological fathers is an active member of a pretty heavy gang... i wont say which one because i feel that would violate my safety.

when we were still fostering Sassy Pants, her biological fathers attorney appeared in court and told the judge and attorneys that it would be "detrimental to our health" if this man knew our names or any other identifying information.

when someone accidentally sent him something that had that information on it, we were asked to relocate.

that's right, MOVE! we had to move!!

as in, we packed up our belongings and loaded them in a moving truck...

because our family was no longer safe living there because he knew our address.

we still have to keep our phone numbers unpublished.

my question is this:

do any other "private service providers" think this bill is a BAD idea?!? does it give you the same heartburn it's giving me?

to read the proposed bill, look here.

to contact the representative with your concern, send an email to her at: cwatkins@le.utah.gov

***UPDATE***
SHORTLY AFTER THIS BLOG WAS POSTED, I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM REPRESENTATIVE WATKINS. HERE IS HER REPLY:

Hello Jennifer,
My bad! That was never my intention. I approved the bill without realizing what that part said. It will be amended and that part will be gone. So sorry to have caused such concern.
Rep. Watkins.

NOW I HAVE SPENT MY EVENING WONDERING HOW MANY OTHER REPRESENTATIVES, CONGRESSMEN/WOMEN, SENATORS, ETC APPROVE BILLS WITHOUT ACTUALLY READING THEM. HOW MANY OTHER LAWS SHOULDN'T REALLY BE LAWS?!?

"I Couldn't Risk Them Going Back"

2012-02-03T12:32:00.003-07:00

if you are a foster parent, you hear this phrase (or something similar) ALL the time!

even lots of prospective adoptive parents share that same sentiment...

foster care seems too hard and too emotionally involved.

well, it is hard and emotionally involved.

i would never tell anybody that it isn't.

you hear the word risk alot!

so, i thought i would cover that topic...

risk; noun

exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance; the hazard or chance of loss; the degree of probability of such loss

well, that about sums it up, right?

foster parents expose themselves to the chance of injury or loss. we weigh the probability of that loss and the effect it will have on our hearts, minds, and spirits. and many times, its a HAZARD.

and yet, its a HAZARD that i would NEVER second guess.

THEY WERE WORTH THE RISK!

Period.

2012-01-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

i just finished my period.

it was the period from HELL.

really.

i think Satan himself may have designed this challenge.

for over a week, i struggled with the amount of blood loss i was faced with.

the couch became my new best friend.

(i laid there for days)

the armies of tampons i had purchased were wiped out in a day, and believe me i stock up!

my mommy had to buy me new boxes of tampons, and my neighbors had to bring my family dinner.

removing myself from the couch was just not an option.

am i the only one with this RIDICULOUS struggle?

i know it sounds like a stupid question, i know EVERY woman has this struggle!

but have any of you ever lost so much blood that you would either vomit or pass out every time you tried to stand up?

it sucks.

and i am done!

i am on the road to a hysterectomy!

not sure whether or not to be excited about this endeavor.

i still struggle on some days about whether or not i want to try for a biological baby.

in the end, however, i think that my babies will get here however they must.

the hysterectomy is really sounding better every day.

(and on a note: i am down 15 lbs!!

2 of those blessed pounds fell off DURING my period from hell.

take that Satan!)

Resolve

2012-01-02T01:10:00.002-07:00

i am one of THOSE people.

you know, the ones that make new year's resolutions.

the ones that work SO HARD for 2.3 seconds and then forget what their resolutions were to begin with.

agh!

i actually did some research on the above-mentioned issue.

did you know that 50% of Americans will make a New Year's resolution.

22% fail after one week, 40% after one month, 50% after three months, 60% after six months, and 81% after twenty-four months.

so, basically... we all set ourselves up for failure.

are you resolving anything for 2012?

every year, and i mean EVERY YEAR, i resolve to lose weight.

i will be honest, i am ridiculously overweight.

i strongly resemble a baby cow.... a large baby cow.

maybe 2012 will be different!

so, my resolutions this year are:

#1- to follow through with what i say i will do.

(which may be beneficial for #2)

#2- LOSE SOME FETCHING WEIGHT!

realistically, i need to lose about 100 lbs to be in a healthy range.... oye.

send me your tips and hints for help, please!

#3- to maintain structure in my home.

my children do best when they are on a schedule. a pretty strict one to be exact.

and i think if i am on a schedule, it will be easier to maintain my household as well. can i get an amen?

#4- to find a way to be more financially functional.

i don't want to say stable, because i feel like we are "semi-stable"... i just want to be more aware of where our money is being spent...

#5- to rid myself of the unnecessary!

this is the biggest deal for me. i need to rid myself of unwanted stressors: drama from friends/family members, clutter, etc.

#6- BE MORE PATIENT!

maybe writing them down for all of you to see will be a motivator for me to do better!

fingers crossed. :)

Letter to Mr. Claus

2011-12-12T09:41:00.001-07:00

in my church, I am blessed to be in charge of Singing Time with the sweetest 3-12 year old children.

I know not a thing about music, because its not like I was ever paying attention in all those choir classes. ;)

when we moved to this area, I swore up and down that if I was called to the Primary (children's classes), I would say NO! I was so frustrated in our old area because I didn't know anyone who wasn't associated with the Primary... and it made me quite disgruntled and a little bit hateful.

fast forward to the point where I was asked to be the Music Leader in our new area.

I still CANNOT believe that I said "yes".

clearly, the Lord knew I needed some uplifting from the most innocent of places.

I am always so impressed with the spirit that fills the room when these little ones sing and share their testimonies of the Savior.

it's quite powerful, and I have found myself tearing up on more than one occasion.

what does all of this have to do with Santa?

as I was checking facebook yesterday, one of my fantastic neighbors posted the letter that her son had written for the big man in red. this little boy is only 8, and he is one of my FAVE'S in Singing Time. this letter is by far the SWEETEST thing on Earth, and perfect to share on a blog about foster care and adoption.

"Dear Santa, Thank you for my awesome gifts last year. I love them all. I have tried to be a good boy this year. I want: #1-Skylanders XBOX 360 #2- Lego Ninjagos DVD/Spinjes Zoo (?) #3- My family to know how much I love them. I already have a family, so I hope the kids don't have one get one soon. Thanks Santa!"

I bet this 8 year old had NO IDEA he was already an advocate for adoption!

this sweet little boy and his family (as well as a handful of my other neighbors and friends) will be coming over this Wednesday night to watch "A Home For the Holidays" Special all about children waiting for families in foster care. we have watched this as a family for a few years, and it ALWAYS makes me cry! this year, we invited those that have EVER asked us about foster care, so they can see what its about and we can answer questions they may have about how to get started.

we encourage EVERYONE to do the same!

even if you invited ONE neighborhood family to watch the special with your own family... you could help change a life via word of mouth.
the holidays are all about family! help someone find their missing piece.
just think of my sweet 8 year old neighbor, he has DEFINITELY got the right idea this Christmas.

Emotional "Firsts"

2011-12-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

please tell me this is NOT just me...

i often find myself doing things with my children, realizing this is the FIRST time they are experiencing this activity, and i tear up and cant catch my breath realizing how grateful i am to be the one sharing this moment with them. it's a beautiful feeling... but a tad awkward when you are in public places. examples of which are:

the circus
swimming lessons
dance recitals
gymnastics classes
birthdays
and yesterday, at a Christmas parade.

is this just a Mama Lark tendency?

or do others really find themselves crying at the most inopportune times?

A Celebrity Adoption Tale

2011-11-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

have you ever seen those features in US, that gossipy celeb magazine?!?

CELEBRITIES ARE JUST LIKE US...

and it shows random celebrities walking upstairs, not wearing makeup, or texting.

SHOCKER, right?

i thought celebs had someone carry them upstairs, apply their make-up, and text for them.

anyways, there are about a bazillion celebrities out there that have some attachment to adoption: those that have been adopted, and those that have adopted. I was lucky enough to be asked to interview one of those great adoptive parents in honor of National Adoption Month.

this project was sponsored by the Dave Thomas Foundation (which we all know I adores) and the One Day Project, created by the National Adoption Day Council... and I totally LOVE the celeb I was able to interview.... Sex and the City is one of my all time favorite shows, and so when I was approached about interviewing Willie Garson (Stanford)I about wet my pants! I mean, he was THE best friend ever to Carrie Bradshaw, and he had absolutely divine style. He is also the star of USA's hit show, White Collar. I must admit, I was a little gun shy about this opportunity. I love a good adoption story, but was SUPER intrigued by this one.

why, you ask?

because he adopted an older child from foster care!

and that always pulls at my heart strings.

anyways, i was able to ask him a handful of questions, and before i continue rambling, i thought i would share his thoughtful answers. i am so grateful that i was invited to take part in this great campaign. hope you enjoy his answers as much as i do.

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What pushed you personally, to adopt a child in foster care?

I was in a relationship for a long time, and she didn’t want to have kids, which is fine, that’s people’s choice. After that relationship ended I realized, ‘What am I waiting for? I don’t care if I ever get married, but I know I want a kid.’ The Alliance for Children’s Rights, a kids’ advocacy group in L.A. and member of the National Adoption Day Coalition, is one of my charities. So, when I decided to adopt, I worked with the Alliance for Children’s Rights and the Westside Children’s Center, who guided me through the adoption process.

What are the biggest changes (but the most joyous) that have taken place in your home since adopting?

I imagine the biggest changes in my home are that I am not alone EVER, and that my life is not about being a self-centered spoiled actor anymore, they are about scheduling my son's day and giving HIM the life he deserves. It's better. Other than that, the changes in my house are certainly no different than the changes in ANY parent's house, and that's been happening since time began.

***I LOVE that he says that the change is no different than any parents home... I feel like "adoptive parent" can get to be a label vs. "parent".****

At what point, did you know that your son and yourself had made that "connection"?

I met Nathen at an L.A. adoption fair in Oct. 2008. Instantly I knew he was, ‘my kid.’

Have you had any contact with your son’s biological family? Would that ever be something you would consider? If you do, how do you handle that as an adoptive parent AND a celebrity?

We ‘know’ Nathen's biological parents, but have little contact...really none with the father. I make Nathen write a Mother’s Day card and Christmas card to Mom, but it really doesn't serve him to see her, it's a hard situation in that way. The hardest part is that every movie, TV show, and even at school, is geared towards finding ‘mommy,’ so we have to talk a lot about how his Mom loves him but just couldn't take care of him. I think there's not a ton of ‘stigma,’ it's just something to always be aware of and tread carefully around.

Since adopting your son, what monumental changes have you seen in him? How has he changed since day 1?

The biggest changes in Nathen have been in his confidence and his secure place in the world. He was somewhat outgoing before, but now, as my cousin said, ‘That kid has never met a stranger’, lol. In other words, he can handle anyone, because he feels so safe and secure at home, which is awesome to watch. Also – FOOD!!! He eats things that he never would have imagined eating before – Chinese soup dumplings, yogurt, spinach, lobsters - he is an adventurer.

As a celebrity, you have a large platform to advocate for foster care adoption. What questions do you get asked the most frequently regarding stigma's of children in custody?

First, that only married couples can adopt. I am a single working actor, and a loving father trying to be a good role model for Nathen. With my paternal clock ‘ticking’, so to speak, I reached a point in my life where I realized that having a child was something I didn’t want to postpone until I was married.

Second, that children in foster care have too much ‘baggage.’ Most children in foster care have been through something negative or traumatic in their early lives, but they are not ‘damaged goods,’ they are children. These children may have never experienced a loving, stable home. Nathen for instance, was withdrawn and had some behavioral issues, but in less than a year in a nurturing and stable home with me, he has blossomed into an outgoing and stellar student. He is very social and enjoys his time playing baseball, learning karate, and playing music with me.

and of course, i saved the best for last....

How has becoming an adoptive parent changed you for the better?

I love that I have someone to take care of, and someone to take care of me. We’re partners in this together.

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to learn more about Willie's adoption tale, check out this People article, and check out this video:

Meet the Robinsons

2011-11-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

my family enjoys a good movie now and again.

we especially LOVE movies about adoption. specifically CHILDREN MOVIES about adoption.

my kids get so excited to hear about adoption because... "it's just like me!"

since today is NATIONAL ADOPTION DAY, we have spent the afternoon watching our favorite movies about adoption. (the kids will continue the marathon at Pompo & Granny's while Hubster takes me to see Twilight with our neighbors. Yeah!)

Meet the Robinsons

FAVORITE! for those of you that have not seen it, its about Lewis. he is a sweet boy who was left at an orphanage by his loving birth mother, whom he never gets a chance to know. he spends his whole little life in the orphanage being turned down time and time again by prospective adoptive families. so he gets the idea to build a time-machine that will take him back in time so he can meet his birth mother and convince her to keep him................ my children have seen this show so many times that they can quote it.

and i love a good movie that brings tears to all our eyes.

at this exact part:

(warning- spoiler alert. he gets adopted!)

Despicable Me

you wouldn't think this movie has anything to do with adoption...

but the "master villain" adopts a sibling group of three to help with his plan to take over the world.

its absolutely hilarious!

and the heart warming part comes in at the very end.

Snow Dogs

this is another of my kiddo's faves.

its about Ted, a dentist, whom was adopted as a child. he knows very little about his birth mother and struggles with understand where he fits in with his adoptive family. he receives notification about an inheritance left to him by his birth mother. he travels to Alaska where he is able to learn about his birth mother and build a stronger connection to his adoptive family.

Kung-Fu Panda 2

we saw this as a family last year at the drive-in.

(i fell asleep) but my kids still go on and on about it.

Panda searches for his biological family while trying to save "Kung-Fu".

we are always looking to expand our library!

share with us your favorites.

oh, and by the way....

don't forget to watch Night Out With the Stars tomorrow!

Discovery Health channel. its a 3 hour telethon about adoption.

Unwanted Input & Advice

2011-11-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

have any of you ever gotten it?

those people that have lots to say about your situation while spending very little time engaged in it?

we certainly have.

how do you handle it?

how do you handle it when its a friend?

how do you handle it when its a family member?

90% of the inquiries I get via email, ask us these questions. so i felt it was important to share our thoughts.

well, i am the first to admit that our family may seem like its "mod-podged" together.

things have always happened so quickly for us, that people tend to think we don't put alot of thought into those major life changing decisions.

Hubster and I were engaged after knowing each other a WEEK.

we became foster parents after being married for only a YEAR.

Miss D came into our lives after only 17 MONTHS of marriage.

we celebrated her adoption only 10 DAYS after our 2 year anniversary.

Sassy Pants came exactly 1 YEAR (to the day) from Miss D's arrival.

people may think we could have waited longer, people may think we shouldn't have done it at all, but they are wrong. our families timeline is EXACTLY as it should be to fulfill our Heavenly Father's plan for us.

and if you disagree... TOO BAD!

in case you didn't get it from the timeline listed above, we do what we want no matter the time frame.

we have been married 6 years, we have three beautiful children, a dog and a cat to show for it.

we have relocated more times than i can even remember! i think most everyone must think we love moving.

in fact, we do not. it took lots of time for us to figure out exactly where we want to be.

(thank goodness, we have finally got that one down! we have narrowed it down to EXACT neighborhood)

we are not perfect parents, we don't have a perfect marriage, our credit score is not 750, we don't have a great savings account (we've even had to borrow money from family members before), we love to gamble- on VERY rare occasions, my children throw tantrums, we don't always eat a home cooked meal, i am a spender vs a saver, i come from an inactive family, i am ridiculously overweight...

and if you don't like it....TOO BAD!

i feel like i have wasted far too much time (and tears) on worrying how i am perceived by others.

i am generally pretty great about throwing out a comeback to a stupid comment made by someone.

but when that stupid comment is coming from a friend or a family member, it makes it harder to respond.

what insensitive things have been said/done to you?!?

here are just a few of mine:

"How would she know? She is not a real mom." said by a VERY close friend when i was asked if Little Man was "easier" than my ladies. She was implying that since I had not given birth to my children that I wouldn't know which ones were easier or not. Funny, I am pretty sure I know.
"Just be grateful for the kids you have." said to me after a miscarriage by LOTS of people.
"If you cant handle her, then you shouldn't have her." said by a family member when my husband asked them how they handled childcare. We were so nervous about leaving Miss D with someone for the 2 weeks I had to finish working when we got her. We had asked this person because they had been dealing with the same thing... except their child was biological so they couldn't just change their mind like us lowly foster parents could.
"Adoption is REALLY hard." said to a room full of people that were with us to celebrate a recent adoption of one of our children. after hearing everyone else bear testimony of the blessings of adoption, this person stood up and informed us that adoption is hard and we need all the support we could get. I still don't know how to take this one... should i have been offended? it was certainly awkward, and lots of other people were offended. i just still don't know how to feel about it.

Here is my all-time fave:

"Cut your losses and give them back before they are too attached." After an argument Hubster and I had, we were counseled by this family member to give our children back (this was DAYS before Sassy Pants adoption) because they didn't feel our marriage was strong enough to handle the hard task of adoption. Would they have said this to someone that was struggling but had biological children?!? I just don't get it. Clearly, we didn't follow their advice. I want to say that Hubster and I have both forgiven this person... however, I don't think this person ever knew the true depths that their comment hurt us. because it was a family member, we didn't even know how to respond. we were hurt. i was SO angry for such a long-time about this comment. i would go to family functions and put on a brave face, while on the inside i was torn apart. had it been any other person, communication would have been cut and that would have been the end of the bitter relationship. for almost a full year after that comment was made, i had to go see our stake president before & after we had visits with said person, so i could get a blessing. BEFORE & AFTER. and even now, just thinking about it, has my hands violently shaking.

now that you have heard my unsolicited input from family & friends, i want to hear yours!

please feel free to share your thoughts and your own experiences in the comment field.

its always nice to know you are not alone in this super-sensitive area.

and here is my new mantra for those mean commentators:

I AM NOT SUPERMOM.

I AM SUPER.

I AM A MOM.

Retelling Our Story- part IV

2011-11-14T01:03:00.001-07:00

our ladies have always given us a run for our money.

they have been sassy and full of spunk from day one!

so, it was no surprise that after finalizing Sassy Pants' adoption, that we thought we were done.

no. really. we were done!

clearly, the Lord didn't agree.

around April of 2010 we were toying with the idea of adopting JUST ONE MORE.

we were worried that our girls would have a hard time adjusting to the In's & out's of foster care.

since they both rely SO MUCH on structure & routine, we thought foster care would be too emotionally challenging for them. so we called a few agencies.

when we were told we could get an African-American baby on the "discount program", I was outraged.

agencies are not for us!

so, back to foster care we turned.

we prepared the girls by telling them we would be helping keep kiddos safe while their parents got better.

we talked about how it might be hard when kids leave, and how we will probably fall in love and it might hurt. we thought we would go with the worst, and hope for the best.

i quit my super part-time job in June so that we would be ready for anything.

we prayed and prayed and knew that now was the right time to move forward.

after re-licensing (ugh. pain. in. the. butt), we met with our caseworker, who told us that we would be best-suited for another youngster. we had been open to older ages, but she thought our girls would be much more open to children that followed their chronological age order. we were placed on a "call list" because our state doesn't like to have to move children more than once, so they call a prospective legal-risk placement from day one. we were all approved on a Wednesday. i FOR SURE thought we would have a new placement before the weekend. it didn't happen.

we left on Friday afternoon to go camping with Mi Familia.

we required them to go somewhere relatively close to home... just in case.

we had to pitch our tent in the area that had the most cell service.... just in case.

we left our ringers on (volume all the way up)... just in case.

and when my phone rang at 2 AM, everyone in camp thought we were getting a baby!

false alarm. i was butt dialed by my best friend.

BOO.

when nothing was happening, i even drove down the canyon to make sure my phone wasn't broken.

just. in. case.

i was a little dismayed as we packed up our car to drive home after a weekend of the great outdoors.

i was bummed as we drove home, and unpacked and bathed our children.

i was sad as we went to bad without a new baby in our house.

Tuesday, august 3, 2010

the day went on like any other day.

swimming lessons, babysitting, visiting with friends, play dates.

Hubster came home from work. we joked how maybe THIS weekend would be the one!

we went to dinner at my parents house.

brought the kids home and started their bath water.

ring.ring.ring.ring.

that phone conversation was EXHILARATING!

we were informed by DCFS that there was a 3 month old little boy that had come into custody.

we were given the details of the case. informed that it would be temporary.

could we come get him in 20 minutes?

20 minutes?!?

pregnancy gives you 9 months of preparation!

we got no warning at all.

we had to call friends to borrow car seats. we had never had a 3 month old.

this was completely new to us.

i still remember the girls lighting up like candles when we told them we were going to pick up a baby brother.

"do we get to keep him forever?"

we told them we didn't know. our families job was to keep him safe.

they agreed to still be excited, and were not very thrilled when we dropped them off at Mi Familia's house while we went to pick up our new house guest.

so, I don't know about you, but when I hear "3 months", I am thinking little....

instead, we picked up 18LB's of chubby cuteness!

that's right, 18 pounds!

Little Man fit right in with our family, and even our routine.

he was sweet, and slept through the night.

we felt like he would be rejoining his birth mother, but that did not stop us from LOVING every second of his company.

the case with him was a little bit crazy and there was a LOT of back & forth.

his birth mother was very nice at first, and then we would butt heads.

it went back and forth like this for some time.

i have always been a very "gracious" foster mom, and i always go out of my way to be kind to biological families. on her birthday, i made cupcakes and gave her photos.

i even took her with me for an afternoon and we took pictures of Little Man and her together.

it was so much fun.

what we thought would be a cut and dry case, ended up dragging out longer and longer.

as it did this, our attachment to Little Man and his attachment to us was getting stronger and stronger.

it was mentioned at a court hearing that they would no longer be offering reunification services.

they asked us if we would be willing to adopt Little Man if the situation arose.

we agreed (duh!), and they set court dates for a pre-trial.

at this point, his birth mother scrambled to find a family friend that could step in and take custody of Little Man. we spent months dealing with her "friends" that would call and say they were interested, do a tiny bit of the required work, and then completely disappear off the face of the earth.

at the permanency pre-trial, the guardian ad litem told the judge she felt adoption was in Little Man's best interests, and a permanency hearing was scheduled.

at this point, our relationship with Little Man's birth mother was shattered.

at visitation, she would do everything possible to insinuate i was unfit.

she would throw things away out of his diaper bag, she would make rude comments.

she was just becoming so hard to deal with.

nothing i could do was right for her son.

i hated it, but i felt like i had to remove myself from her because of the constant conflict.

so visitations were done through the back door for awhile.

i would drop him off and come back an hour later.

it was rough.

Friday, February 11, 2011

miss d turned 5.

we spent the morning with her celebrating this monumental birthday!

i spent the afternoon covered in hives as i drove to the courthouse for trial.

i had been subpoenaed as a witness AGAINST Little Man's birth mother.

i was extremely nervous. i did not want to hurt the already tattered relationship.

i actually told the attorney's that if they asked me anything that would be hurtful to her, i would refuse to answer. i told them they wouldn't have to deal with her again after today, but i would have an entire lifetime of hurt feelings if I said something disparaging against her.

they promised they wouldn't... but i was still afraid.

on the way to the courthouse, Sassy Pants spewed vomit all over the back of my van.

i didn't even have time to stop and clean up the mess.

i drove to the courthouse with a van full of vomit, parked, and ran inside.

(it was NASTY when i came back out!)

the attorney's pulled me inside a small room and informed me that his birth mother might relinquish.

i did not believe it for a second!

however, i was wrong.

she sat on the stand and signed her rights away to Little Man.

it was heartbreaking to see her in so much pain.

when it was done, she ran out of the court room... with me chasing after her.

we cried in the hallway together.

she fell apart in my arms and apologized for her past behavior.

i promised her that we would remain open.

a few days later, she was given a final visit by DCFS.

she didn't cry until it was time to leave.

it was gut-wrenching to stand there and listen to a mother say good-bye to her child.

even though I had promised we would have an open relationship, it was like a final good-bye.

how did she know that i would follow through with it?!?

she didn't. you could tell by her tears. she hoped it would be open... but she wasn't sure.

Thursday, May 5th, 2011

Little Man became a legal part of our "flock".

he had always been a part of it in our hearts, but now the great state of Utah recognized me as his mommy, Hubster as his daddy, and the girls as his lovely, big sisters.

Little Man had to say "adios" to his fantastic caseworker.

she was the BEST we had ever worked with.

(she even came to our temple sealing... and brought a gift)

Little Man LOVED flirting with her.

doesn't his face just say, "hey, this is my lady!"

we spent the afternoon eating lunch with our family and friends.

celebrating adoption with food is a FANTASTIC combination! just saying.

Friday, May 6th, 2011

Hubster and I spent our evening with Little Man's birth mother.

we went to an adoption concert and then treated her to dinner.

(again, adoption & food- hand in hand is the way they should be.)

we invited her over for Mothers Day that Sunday when we dropped her off.

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Little Man was bound to our family in the House of the Lord.

it's a beautiful thing to see your whole family dressed in white, surrounded by family in the temple.

i cant even describe the magnitude of emotions this brings to me as i sit in my office chair.

forever is a LONG time. they are my children for eternity.

it does my heart proud to know that Hubster and I made these sacred covenants that will allow us to remain a family after our lives on earth have ended. its a beautiful thing.

another beautiful thing is this:

that's right. this is the group of people that showed up to support us on this special day.

they are amazing. it made our day even more special to be surrounded by so much love.

well, there is our story.

beginning to.... end?!?

who knows.

we always say we are done.

but we have yet to learn all the plans the Lord has for our little nest.

stay tuned and see where He takes us!

Retelling Our Story- part III

2011-11-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

meet RJ.

shortly after we finalized Miss D's adoption, we were asked to be a temporary home for this sweet boy.

"only for a few weeks... just long enough for his aunt to license."

haha. he stayed with us for 3 months. not very long, but long enough that my heart aches for him some days.

it was emotionally unsettling to have him leave my home, knowing i would never know how he turned out.

but, now i realize he had to leave our home, before our family could be complete.

October 2, 2007

hubster and i said good-bye to this sweet boy.

i remember, even now, how hard it was for me to pack up all his things. :(

i had to start a week early, because i knew it would take me awhile.

i was his mommy for a short time. i didn't carry him in my tummy. but i was responsible for his well being, and for providing him with lots and lots (and lots) of love.

October 19, 2007

i was getting ready to go on an overnight "Girls Weekend" with my bestie.

out of nowhere i received a phone call from Miss D's previous foster mother.

she told me that Tummy Mommy had dropped Miss D's little sister off for the weekend and she wanted us to come visit her. OKAY! when she started crying, i knew something wasn't right. she admitted that Tummy Mommy was really in jail. she had been picked up for shoplifting and had loads of outstanding warrants.

i asked her why she had lied about it.

i remember her saying, "I didn't want you to think badly of Tummy Mommy. I didn't want you to know she failed."

(heartbreaking, right?)

we headed over, and in the meantime CPS was called.

because it was a Friday, she would have had to go to a group home for the weekend.

inevitably, she would have ended up with us anyways because we had the sibling... but it was heartbreaking to think of her staying with strangers all weekend long.

after calling the guardian ad litem from Miss D's case, leaving messages for our caseworker, and speaking with someone from that group home, it was decided that i should go ahead and take her home for the weekend, and that I should re-connect with CPS on Monday morning.

this is the picture we took of her when we got home.

she had been in only a diaper when Tummy Mommy had gone to jail.

Sassy Pants was left with a friend whom had no care in the world for her.

Miss D's previous foster mother went and picked her up.

the car seat was broken.... it was heartbreaking.

October 22, 2007

the CPS worker showed up at my home, after leaving me some VERY inappropriate messages.

she told me she would be taking the baby to the group home.

she accused me and former foster mother of being "baby stealer's".

when i refused to hand Sassy Pants over and asked her to leave my house, she called the police.

while she waited outside (in a snowstorm), i called my caseworkers and the group home.

they immediately called this lovely CPS workers boss, and within minutes she was leaving my home.

there was no point in her leaving my home, because she would be coming right back to it!

this time around, we dealt with Tummy Mommy alot more.

she told everyone she was determined to get Sassy Pants back.

i wont lie, it made me ANGRY.

how could you try so hard to get one child back, and not do a thing to get the other one back?!?

the judge refused to grant and type of reunification services, leaving Tummy Mommy to do things on her own. she plead into drug court (a program that will lessen/remove your criminal charges if you complete this drug program), she drug tested weekly, she even came to weekly visitation.

this was REALLY hard on Miss D, who was only 18 months at the time.

she didn't like to be around Tummy Mommy. she hated it.

and we would have night terrors and temper tantrums every day we had visitation... and Miss D was not even going to the visitation! it was an emotional time for all of us.

i was caught in a hard place, because i LOVED this little child. however, if Tummy Mommy was successful, I wanted her to be able to parent.

because of that "crossroad" in my mind, it made it harder to bond with Sassy Pants.

after a few months, we sat down with all parties involved and had a permanency meeting.

we all sat in a conference room around a large table.

i sat next to Tummy Mommy while Sassy Pants played on the floor next to us.

my heart ached when they announced to the room that Tummy Mommy had a dirty U/A.

(the judge told her that even one would make up her mind to terminate)

her eyes welled up with tears. she told everyone that she had been sick and it was a prescription drug.

they asked to see the prescription, or a note from the doctor.

she didn't have one.

they told her they would be moving forward with plans on adoption and would be filing for termination.

she asked if i could give her a ride to the bus stop after the meeting.

i took her... because i knew it would be the last time i would see her.

Tummy Mommy didn't even show up to the hearing.

the judge terminated her parental rights of Sassy Pants, just as she had done with Miss D.

it was an emotionally, frustrating day.

it became much easier to bond with Sassy Pants when we weren't taking her to visitations every week.

she was so much fun, and she added such a special spirit to our home.

July 7, 2008

adoption day!

the judge banged the gavel and proclaimed us a family.

she let Miss D "sign" the adoption petition.

it was a beautiful day.

(not so much a beautiful day to forget to put batteries in your camera.)

July 8, 2008

Sassy Pants was sealed to our family forever!

it was perfect.

we felt complete.

we had these sweet sisters (who weren't always sweet!) that would be with their sibling forever.

could it get any better?

Retelling Our Story- part II

2011-11-04T10:36:00.000-06:00

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I was at work. last thirty minutes of class.

i lined up my pre-schoolers and my teachers aide led the class outside.

i quickly grabbed my phone off my desk.

we were late for outside time today. i needed a clock to make sure we were back inside before parents showed up to gather their children.

i helped children cross the monkey bars, played a little hopscotch, and was in the middle of a great game of soccer when my phone started buzzing inside my pocket.

what prompted me to answer THAT phone call?

i couldn't tell you. i NEVER answered my phone while i was working.

i NEVER answer a number i don't recognize.

but something prompted me....

when i answered and realized that the voice on the other line belonged to my caseworker (the same one that told us we had no experience, and needed to be "babysitters" first), I was actually a little bit annoyed that i had answered. she hadn't heard from us in months. what in the world did she need now?

when she announced that she had me on speaker phone, my heart started fluttering.

something was happening.

I am pretty sure the conversation went a little something like this:

her: well, i am here with ________. she is a caseworker for DCFS. she has a case right now that we feel would be a great match for you and your husband. we were wondering what your plans are?

me: how long are we looking at? i told you before that we aren't interested in babysitting.

her: i thought respite would be a good match for you because it would prepare you for when a child is able to be reunified with their biological parent. this case is quite a bit different. this would be a legal-risk placement. there are currently no plans for reunification. they have all been exhausted. they are actually set to go to court for a permanency hearing where the caseworkers will ask that parental rights be terminated. long story short, the chances of this going to adoption are like 99.9% would you be interested?

me:............................................................... um.

her: are you okay? do you need me to call back at another time?

me:........................................................ no. i am okay. just a little surprised.

her: i know you were open to any ages, but this is an infant. the bio mom is just very young and was in foster care herself and is just refusing to follow any service plans. the child has been in another foster home for some time now, but they will not be able to adopt her, and we need to have a permanent home set up before we go to court next week. the child came into custody because of the biological mothers extensive drug problems which have led to some serious neglect issues. do you think this would work for your family?

me: ........................................................

her: oh, by the way. the child is a baby girl. she is..... 7 months old. born in February.

(did you start crying to?) remember, i had that crazy dream back in February? the one about my child being born.... at the moment the caseworker said February, i KNEW that this was my child.

i promptly accepted, without even asking my husband first. we set up a time, and i would be meeting my child for the first time the following Tuesday.

the rest of that day, and the rest of that week were nothing but a blur.

the longest blur in the history of the world, but a blur none the less.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

this was us meeting miss d for the very first time.

this was miss d meeting her "pompo" for the first time.

she saved his life, you know. this meeting was a BIG deal!

(i will have to share that story at a later date)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

miss d moved into our home as a permanent fixture.

they tried to do a transition of care, but it was just emotionally stressful on everyone involved.

it was hard for me to drop her off at the end of the day at someone else's home.

and it was hard for her foster mother to watch her leave every morning.

during the time we fostered miss d, we had zero contact with her biological mother.

there were no visitations. we were going to lots of therapeutic appointments because her neck muscles had not developed properly and she would always hold her head crooked. we had monthly visits with her caseworker, and from her guardian ad litem. on the morning of the permanency trial, we were informed that her biological mother was pregnant again and due to deliver shortly. they told us that they would be monitoring hospitals and if/when that child came into custody, we would be the first call made. her biological mother did not show up for court. the judge ruled without her, and her parental rights were terminated leaving miss d legally free for adoption.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

miss d's big day- ADOPTION DAY!!

she looked beautiful, she was spunky and feisty, and everyone loved her.

Especially the Hubster & I.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

miss d was sealed to us for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake temple.

this was the most beautiful day i had ever experienced.

i cried when i could hear her chatty little voice echoing through the halls of the temple.

she looked beautiful dressed all in white.

and surely, the spirit was there with us.

IT WAS A PERFECT DAY.

Retelling Our Story- Part I

2011-11-03T12:10:00.000-06:00

i thought it would be fun for me to re-share our adoption story this month.

i know most of you have heard it already.

i hope not to bore you.

but this is a special story to our family, because it is OUR STORY.

why adoption?

we jumped on the bandwagon with adoption relatively quickly into our marriage.

most people thought we were absolutely insane.

we were just not doing well in the baby making department.

i guess i take that back. we made babies, they just didn't really want to come to this earth so they made a quick escape back to their Heavenly Father.

we got lots of the "these things take time" and "be patient" or my fave, "it will happen when you are relaxed".

i am glad all of those folks with "opinions" know my uterus so well.

the fact of the matter is, my body doesn't do babies.

it never has, and if it ever decided to, myself & my collaboration of doctors would be dumbfounded.

our decision to look into adoption was not one made lightly.

many people seem to think we are ones that make huge decisions "by the seat of our pants".

they are wrong.

we DEFINITELY do things quickly, because we just don't have that "wait and see" approach.

earlier this year, i guest posted for a friend about the revelations that led us to adoption.

there were lots.

believe me, our Heavenly Father was on board with our adoption plan.

why foster?

when most people discover that we are 20-something foster parents, it generally throws them for a loop.

(did you just gasp? that's right! i am still in my youth. Hubster just barely turned the big 3-0.)

originally, we didn't want to foster. we wanted an infant from birth.

however, since we don't "wait and see", we had not been married long enough to qualify at most agencies.

foster care is different. we took the classes and our hearts were opened to the idea that there were children out there that just needed a LOVING home. we knew we could give at least give them that.

after our home study was complete, our RFC (basically OUR caseworker) came to our home and said that since we had no experience with children, they wouldn't present us for standard foster care. she said that we could do respite care to familiarize ourselves with things. respite is basically babysitting when other foster parents need a break. we weren't against it, but we were REALLY frustrated with the system.

so, we gave up.

on a February morning, i woke up panicked because i had this dream about a child that had come into the world that was not with us, but was MEANT to be our child. i felt extremely certain that our baby had made their big debut in this world. i worried that they were not safe.

IMMEDIATELY we started looking into other avenues of adoption.

we found an agency that would start processing our paperwork before our 2 year wedding anniversary, so that we could get our feet in the door. agencies cost LOTS of money! especially this one.

we were looking at WELL over $20K for a baby from Guatemala.

after lots of prayer and concern for our family, we decided to sell our home.

my husband wanted to go back to school, and we wanted a family.

we would use the equity we made from our home to start an adoption fund.

so we listed our home... and we WAITED.

our home FINALLY went under contract in October.

little did we know, a life changing phone call would be coming only days later...

Just a Kid

2011-11-02T11:16:00.000-06:00

since november is national adoption month, i plan on sharing some adoption related info everyday this month.

remember when i told you all about how frustrated i was at the FSA conference?

well, because i STRONGLY think that there needs to be some classes that focus more on life, post-adoption, i am getting all prepared to share a feauturette on the blog.

it will be a collaboration of fellow adoptive parents (some foster, some infant adoption, even an international) and their thoughts/experiences on the HARDER aspects of life after adoption.

it will be great!

in the mean time, i leave you with this ADORABLY CUTE video from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Have a great Wednesday!

Introductions, Introductions

2011-11-01T16:35:00.000-06:00

happy November 1st!

today is the first day of national adoption month!

how will you be celebrating?

we live in a state where there are LOTS of opportunities to celebrate all that adoption is.

we will be walking, talking, eating, and all around just partyin' up!

i will get to see my favorite ladies on a rather regular basis this month.

HEHE.

_____________________________________________

i thought since i have a good chunk of new friends (those following, and those stalking), that i wanted to "introduce" my beautiful family. introductions are always needed to kick-off a super fun month!

meet the fam.

(mama lark, the hubster, miss d, sassy pants, and little man)

we do faith.

we do dreams.

we do second chances.

we do thank you's.

we do real.

we do I'm sorry.

we do love.

we do laughter.

we do mistakes.

we do respect.

we do advocacy.

we do patience.

we do happiness.

we do FAMILY.

meet Mama Lark.

lover of: blogging, crafting, card games, PINTEREST, photography, volunteering, foster care, pedicures, puppies, clean spaces, schedules, scary places, Just Dance on the Wii, Jason Mraz, the color orange, Christmas, pork salad from Cafe Rio, and shoes!

meet the hubster.

lover of: Super Mario Bros, Mexican food, sunday naps, San Diego, clean laundry, fun neighbors, hot dogs roasted over the campfire, wrestling with his son, and the color blue.

meet miss d.

lover of: cartoons from the 80's, Scooby Doo, reading, homework, kindergarten, anything purple, sharing her adoption story, cuddling with her Pompo, and being outside with her friends.

meet sassy pants.

lover of: her tummy mommy, music she can wiggle to, gymnastics, any shade of pink, weddings, shoes, playing in the snow, camping, her coaster car, and dress-up.

meet little man.

lover of: mommy & daddy, his sippy cup, food- any and all, climbing, cell phones, anything with wheels, buttons, dogs, outside, and his new big boy bed.

________________________________________

there you have it.

we are just your average family.

that happens to share something special....

adoption.

Spooky Screamy HALLOWEENIE

2011-10-31T23:38:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!

Beautiful Heartbreak

2011-10-28T09:51:00.000-06:00

my friend, Jessalynn, shared this beautiful video on facebook the other day.

it melted my heart.

how truthful is this, right?!?

behind every heartbreak, something beautiful, slowly and surely, will come to pass.

my BEAUTIFUL HEARTBREAK has been my struggles to become pregnant and maintain a pregnancy.

had i been blessed with a child-bearing body, i wouldn't have found the joys of adoption.

i wouldn't have become a foster parent.

i wouldn't have made a difference for a Tummy Mommy that needed someones support.

and i most definitely would not be advocating so strongly for foster care & adoption.

what is your beautiful heartbreak?

"Unadoptable"

2011-10-27T11:26:00.000-06:00

My Lack of Love for the FSA Conference

2011-10-25T22:18:00.000-06:00

so... I was lucky enough to attend the National FSA conference in Utah a few months back.

I was SOOO excited! I have some very great "adoption peeps" that I was eager to see and spend time with.

really...they are the GREATEST ladies on earth.

and when we are together, its very much like the circus- the GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH.

lets face it- we are HILARIOUS.

left to right: lindsey, emily, me, jessalynn, ashley,kim & david

I consider these people a true blessing.

its rare to find a large community of people who have been exactly in your shoes.

they know the ups & downs... and conversation is never lacking.

they are priceless.

so, why did I not LOVE the conference?

i am not really sure if it was just lack of sleep (which was a MAJOR issue that weekend), or just lots of crazy emotion surrounding other things (Tummy Mommy was due to be released from prison a few weeks after and had no where to go... she almost ended up on my couch)... but I did not find a single thing that made me happy about the classes offered.

the keynote speakers were amazing.

the food was decent.

the classes....frustrating.

so frustrating, that I ended up not going to very many.

i love everything that FSA stands for: Families Supporting Adoption.

my huge complaint was that all the classes are always "same old, same old".

you never hear anything new... nothing from a new perspective...and NOTHING about life after adoption.

they gear all these classes to people with little to no adoption experience.

believe me, I think people need some guidance, so those classes are great, but they are NOT the only thing that needs to be covered in two days worth of workshops.

they split us up.

adoptive parents vs. birth parents

and i hated that.

instead of having classes where we are all segregated, why can we not have round tables where we all sit together and "hash out" whatever issues need to be discussed. why are we not working as a team to better adoption?!? i was not the only one that shared in this frustration. it got to the point where i was so frustrated, that i actually sat down on the floor and cried. (dramatic, right?)

i was there hoping to find some assistance/guidance with my upcoming dealings with Tummy Mommy. we needed help on how to conquer the open adoption from a foster care perspective... guidance on appropriate boundaries for our situation. they had a class that could have been helpful, but it was a BIRTH PARENT class, and i wasn't invited. at least that's how i felt.

i met lots of women that were birth mothers who had placed their children 17+ years ago, and were getting to the point of meeting their children again for the first time since birth...

not a single class to help those women!

i just find it extremely frustrating that everyone wants to educate you on adoption preparation, but after that, you are on your own! there needs to be more education on the aftermath of adoption.

HOW TO PARENT THE ADOPTED CHILD

HOW TO HANDLE ADOPTION QUESTIONS IN THE FUTURE

APPROPRIATE OPENNESS IN ADOPTION

DEALING WITH THE CLOSED ADOPTION

DEALING WITH ADOPTION RELATED TRAUMA

....

catch my drift?!?

i left a strongly worded comment card.

it was frustrating because i always have so much fun with my adoption friends, but i doubt i will attend the conference again. which is sad, because i feel like i have lots to learn still.

did anybody else have same/different thoughts about the conference?!?

or any other conferences?!?

did anybody share in my frustrations... or am i completely crazy?

(maybe don't answer that last question)

the Hiatus ends... with lots of change.

2011-10-23T13:53:00.000-06:00

what can I say?

I AM BACK!

it has been the worlds LONGEST summer (and first part of Autumn).

we have been busy like you wouldn't believe.

it's been a summer of frustration, tears, and anger... wiped up with a lot of fun and craziness.

what more could you expect from Mama Lark and her nest of Little's?!?

our summer started out with a lovely vacation to beautiful St. George, Utah.

GIRLS. ONLY.

and to sum it up in only a few words...

swimming. hiking. relaxing.

best. time. ever.

we came home to chaos and within a matter of days, our lives were Topsy-turvy.

we had an overwhelmingly hard feud with a family member that resulted in us relocating.

it has been sad. we have always been a very tight-knit extended family, and to not have that support system has been devastating to me. when people that you think love you, don't... its a hard feeling.

in all of the NIGHTMARE, there was a SILVER LINING.

this move was the BEST THING that could have ever happened for our family!

we live in a place that is very much family-based.

we sit outside every afternoon with our neighbors (who are very much like our family) and watch the kids play in our open space while the mommies gab about everything under the sun.

we have good friends that live a door away.

we are far enough away from extended family to be our own, yet close enough that we can see them anytime we desire.

WE LOVE WHERE WE LIVE!

there is not a single thing we would change.

what else did we do?!?

there were a few camp trips...

one where i removed the tip of my thumb and had to have it sewn back on.

that was super.... not.

i still cant do a thumbs up! boo.

i attended the National FSA Conference in Layton, Utah.

watch for my post on that in the near future.

it was not impressive... at least I sure didn't think so.

my baby started KINDERGARTEN!

she loves it! she is ridiculously smart... totally a trait inherited by her Tummy Mommy.

Sassy Pants started "Joy School".

for those of you whom haven't heard of Joy School- it's a collaboration of mothers in the neighborhood that each take a rotation and teach the other kids in the group. its cost-effective and fun for the kids because they are always with their friends from their neighborhood.

the girls started gymnastics.

Little Man walks!

it took him awhile. he does weigh ALMOST as much as a linebacker, you know.

that's a lot of weight to carry around. which greatly delayed his movement. :)

is he not the cutest thing EVER?

Tummy Mommy GRADUATED high school!

it was surreal to be sitting in the prison watching her walk in her cap & gown.

seriously, the MOST AMAZING graduation i have EVER been to.

these people genuinely wanted to be there.

we are so proud of Tummy Mommy. she really accomplished alot in her brief time at the prison.

she is home now and THRIVING.

the death of our coaster cars...

this was a tragic day.

our family LOVES the coaster cars. not just the kids.

in fact, they died while the adults were playing on them.

Mama Lark is sporting a new look!

what do you think?!? i chopped off all my curly locks. it's a huge change for me.

i guess the most life-changing decision we made this summer was to terminate our foster license.

(please don't throw stones!)

after much prayer, we decided that our family needs to just be for a little while.

we have had so much change in the past few years, that we need to adjust to being a family.

believe me, our journey with foster care is FAR from over.

we plan on adopting a teenager in the future....

we plan on continuing advocating.

we are actually starting a non-profit- details to come in the near future.

foster care has changed our lives for the better, and we hope that we can change foster care.

changes need to be made in our broken system.

children need families. period.

we hope we can help make a positive impact for reform.

while we are still VERY active in the foster care/adoption world, we are not having it be the main focus in our family for the time being. i hope all of you understand. making our family a stronger unit is our goal.

this will make our blog change quite a bit. i hope you all will continue to follow us on our journey, because i love the support system that comes with this "family".

we want to change our focus from the "before" to the "after".

we know there are LOTS of people that are great voices for the foster care system.

lots of blogs out there that get you through the initial shock of being a foster parent.

but there are few that share help & guidance in the after...

how kids cope after being adopted,

how families cope after foster adoption.

how families strengthen and continue the bond.

we want to share and help those in THAT point of life.

our family grew from the goodness that is foster care.

i want to be able to remind people that there is life and joy after the struggle.

follow us on our journey.

and on that note, I am going to relax with the fam.

i think i will be dreaming of sunshine and St.George...

ah, i love vacations.

Questionable

2011-07-10T17:37:00.001-06:00

I am still on hiatus... only a tiny bit longer, I promise. I just wanted to share a frustration/ask a question.

When you adopt from foster care, its much different than an adoption where you are chosen by a birthmother. We weren't chosen by these women. Our babies came because their biological families were unsafe and unhealthy. That being said, I LOVE MY CHILDREN'S BIRTHPARENTS!! I know them extremely well. They are close to my heart.

It really bothers me when people say negative things about them. In fact, my heart aches a bit when I hear people saying negative things about birthparents- those that chose adoption AND those whose children were taken into custody.

I am just wondering if anyone else feels the same way?!? I know mistakes were made, and in no way will I ever justify their misbehavior. But, my children are a part of them... respect is deserved.

I will share more of my thoughts on this in a later post, but I want to know what you think of YOUR children's biological parents, bad or good. What responses do you get from people when they find out your children are adopted from foster care?

Blogger Hiatus

2011-06-16T15:57:00.001-06:00

I am sure you could all tell that my blog is basically empty, and has been for some time now.

Whoops! But, I have been "projecting". Can't wait to show you all the finished product! For now, we are packing up and heading out on a Girls Vacay. Woot! Woot!

See ya'll soon and HAPPY BLOGGING!

Miss D and Segregation

2011-05-31T20:42:00.001-06:00

So, just discovered the Blogger app on my phone and wanted to test it out. Rather than leaving you with a blah blah test post, I wanted to share something I "learned" from my five year old daughter, Miss D.

My girls LOVE musicals! Yeah! Today they chose Hairspray. So, when it comes down to the blacks vs the whites, Miss D starts asking questions. I appreciate her thirst for knowledge and start teaching her (in preschool talk) about segregation.

I tell her that "back in the day" blacks and whites couldn't eat in the same area of restaurants, or ride in the same areas of busses. The bus thing really concerned her. I told her white people rode in the front, and the black people had to ride in the back. I watch her face as she processes this new information, and am at a loss of words when it comes to her response.

"Well, mom. I am BROWN. Brown people had to ride in the middle."