Larnaca Parents Network

Under Scrutiny

2016-04-18T07:29:00.000+03:00

Sometimes I feel really sorry for my son as every move he makes, every thing he does is always observed, noted and reported back to us - the parents. Take a few months ago for example. He had not been concentrating in class and had not been particularly well behaved. When this happens I know what comes next...and I am sure that any ASD parent reading this now has a knowing smile on their face. This is because we all know that when our child is acting a little different or a little less concentrated, that we - the parents - will be put on the spot to explain why they are behaving in this way.

The routine questions/interrogation that I seem to get time and time again are:

Have they been eating a lot of sugar ?

My answer: Of course not, I have nothing in the house - they only eat these things at birthday parties or for a special treat.

Any changes at home? Problems?

No, (racking my brains trying to find any explanation for them!) What I really want to do is shout at them - I am a responsible parent! and a teacher! If anything had been going on, I would have informed you!

So now I have learnt to turn it back on them.

Saying to them, well, he had no PE yesterday which means that YOU (meaning the school) changed his routine so maybe that's why!

Or that YOU (or the classroom assisstant) were ill and so away for a few days so he had a different classroom teacher/assistant which means a change in routine so maybe that's why!

Turning the interrogation back on to them may not solve any problems but at least it means they have to sometimes consider their own actions and not blame his home life.

But my question is : Why do I have to struggle to find an explanation to appease them?

Can't he just have a bad day or week? Do other children never have bad days?

And when they do, are THEIR parents asked the same questions as me or is it just mention in passing. As a mother, I want to hear how he is excelling in maths, how we can nurture this or that he is doing well in Greek despite his difficulty in language and linguistic. I understand that I need to hear his negatives but I don't want that to be the main focus of most conversations.

So to all teachers out there who have any kind of special needs child in their classroom, PLEASE, get rid of the scrutiny and understand that they have bad days too!

Observe them subtly, encourage them fully, and don't forget to tell us how well they are doing too.

Hello lpn

2016-02-24T13:48:00.000+02:00

Hi lpn

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Dr. Cat and AutiZmo

2015-12-13T21:57:00.001+02:00

My friend Dr. Cat is at it again! Her kaleidoscopic mind has been whirling and whirling.... Her new project - the result of her extensive study on autistic children - is astonishing. Mind - blowing in fact. She and a Robotic Engineer from Egypt, are in the process of designing and creating a robot called AutiZmo, who will be able to scan an autistic child and detect what he or she is feeling and thinking. He (AutiZmo) will then be able to translate these feelings to the child's parents and anyone who wishes to communicate with them. I know, it sounds like something out of a science fiction novel.

While she was explaining her ideas to me, scenes from 'A.I.' and 'Biocentennial Man' were flashing in my mind. But this is actually happening...

As the mother of an ASD child that was non-verbal for so many years, I can truly appreciate how this will change our lives. I am lucky that my son is now verbal, but the years of trying to guess what he wanted or to justify to others or to myself even, why he was having a meltdown or was less concentrated than usual, or was out of sorts, even for him - were both tough and heartbreaking. For some days I would openly weep in front of him...begging him to tell me what was wrong, what could I do to help him/fix it/take the pain away. And it is on those days that as a mother (or father) you feel like a complete failure.

So I welcome AutiZmo with open arms. If his existence not only helps children like my son communicate, but also allows parents like me to understand what they are thinking and going through even before they are verbal... well Dr. Cat will have created a truly remarkable gift for autistic children worldwide.

Dr. Cat and Mr. Robotic Engineer told me that they have decided that this will be the beginning of revolutionising the world of Autism, and I am 100% behind them all the way!

*If you wish to learn more about AutiZmo firsthand, then Dr. Cat will be talking about it live on SIGMA this Tuesday night (15th December) at 9pm.*

Christmas 2015 Shoe Box Appeal

2015-11-09T12:32:00.000+02:00

Would you like to help bring a smile to a needy child this Christmas? Then how about taking part in the Shoebox Christmas Appeal where we hope to provide for needy and Refugee Children in our community.

This is being organized by some local Churches and LPN will be helping out again this year.

How it Works

Chose a child to buy for – Boy/Girl age!

Find a shoebox (adult size) and cover the lid and box separately in wrapping paper.

Fill the box with your wrapped gifts. Here’s some ideas:

Something to love e.g. a doll, a teddy

Something for school e.g a pencil case, an eraser

Something to wear e.g. a scarf, a hat, socks, hair bands

Something to play with e.g. a toy, a game

Something yummy e.g. sweets (that won’t melt)

Something special e.g. a ‘wow’ item

All gifts should be new, safe and suitable e.g. no sharp items, nothing breakable, no guns or soldiers

If you wish, add a Christmas card with a personal greeting and blessings for your child. Close the box (preferably with elastic bands) and add a label with the gender and age.

Drop off points for the boxes will be as follows :

Greek Evangelical Church hall opposite the old hospital on Tuesdays between 8 – 11am Fridays between 6 – 8:30pm - Larnaca Thrift shop 1st April Street.

The closing date will be the 1st of December.

Idiosyncracies

2015-10-21T21:38:00.001+03:00

My son probably has about 1001 idiosyncracies which I am sure are there to drive me absolutely around the bend! As he has grown up some have continued and some have stopped. His most noticeable one (quite a common one in ASD children) is the hand flapping and jumping up and down on the spot. It used to be accompanied by weird funny sounds but they seem to have subsided. One therapist told us that it would be a good idea to stop this little habit of his (the therapist was afraid how the other children would react to it and therefore him) but I decided not to. After all it was part of who he was, and he only does it when he is happy or excited. As a mother it really touches my heart to see this child-like joy he has, expressed in such an innocent and jubilant way. I wouldn't change it for the world. But saying that, I do control it - just by saying his name, he stops (it prevents him getting too overexcited and too over stimulated which could lead to a meltdown).

The problem with his idiosyncrasies is timing. If I am calm and relaxed (as a working mother of three this is as rare as a blue moon), I can deal with them. The thing is that they seem to rear their ugly head when I am tired/grumpy/feeling overwhelmed or sick. For example, for the last 3 or 4 years he has certain ideas of where specific pieces of furniture should be placed (maybe he is a budding Feng Shui Interior Designer). In my sitting room I change the furniture around for summer and winter - as soon as summer begins coming to an end, he wants to set up the winter arrangement complete with thick, warm carpets! I have tried to explain to him how Cyprus has no autumn and winter doesn't kick in til the end of November - but to no avail. This is usually how our conversations go:

My son: (standing next to the couch, trying to move it) I want.

Me: No.

My son: (pushing it out of place a little) I want.

Me: No.

My son: (pushing it out of place a little more) I want.

Me: NO.

(this can go on for as long as an hour)

Then when he finally gets it, he stands by the basement door:

My son: Downstairs (where the carpets are)

Me: No.

My son: Downstairs

Me: No.

My son: Downstairs

Me: (at cracking point) NOOOOO.

Half an hour later he stops, an hour may pass and then he remembers and it starts all over again. I am sure my son was sent to me to teach me patience - sometimes I take deep breaths and try to stay calm... but this is real life and not a film so most of the time I lose it - i am human after all and my son can test the patience of a saint (my husband).

At least that one is at home, when we go out to a restaurant/mall/play area - basically anywhere that has a toilet area - as soon as we arrive, he has an incessant need to go to the the restroom to check it out. If the toilets have any kind of gadget in there - an automatic soap/paper towel dispenser or hand dryer, then we can expect to be pulled in there 4/5 times. I don't know how he does it but he will pee every time he goes in there even if it is to squeeze out just one or two drops (maybe to excuse to us the need to go in there). Which is extremely annoying because we are usually in the middle of eating when he "has to go". How do we cope? We take him every time because if we don't then he just stands there and repeats "toilet" until we do.

And these are just 3 of the million little peculiar habits he has. Over time we have learnt when to give in and when to stand our ground, but I can tell you now that it can be exhausting! What can we do? Deep breaths, keep each other sane and on bad days pray for bedtime to come as soon as possible!

Stuffing our future with rubbish - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-10-11T17:42:00.001+03:00

There are a few issues, on which I must sound like a broken (and rather irritating) record, but they continue to plague and perplex me, with one of the top issues being The Food Children Eat.

I have commented in the past about the disgusting food served at organised birthday parties (purpose built venues and play places), and it continues to truly disappoint me now that the new school year has started and the birthday party invitations are flooding in once more.

I cannot understand why our most precious next generation is given bright yellow nuggets, low quality 'meat' burgers and over-salted and processed chips, whilst the adults munch away on a buffet that typically includes salads, grilled meat on skewers and other far more preferable choices than the poor children have been given. I am not criticizing parents who book these parties, as this is what is on offer by the establishments as standard packages, and I am also not a mother who sits there tutting and forbidding my children to eat party food and birthday cake. At parties, they have carte blanche to eat what they want.

But whilst the odd birthday party now and then is fine in the greater scheme of their diet, I have been very dismayed to find that state primary schools have canteens where children can buy snacks during their breaks.

My first issue is that these canteens sell absolute rot, including ice tea, ice cream, chocolate bars and fatty or chemical powder-laden savoury choices. My second issue is that children that young (my son is six) should not be trusted to make decisions about what they eat when presented with a selection that is not varied and balanced.

I also cannot understand for the life of me why teachers want children high on additives and sugar in their classrooms. It is a well-documented fact that what children eat affects their concentration and energy levels, i.e., their ability to learn and their behaviour. Through no fault of their own, some of those children will end up being labelled as having behavioural or learning issues when it is simply a matter of poor diet affecting them.

But the issue really took the (overly processed) biscuit when last week my son came home with a letter from the school. On the first side was a request for parents not to send their children to school with junk, but to give them fruit and vegetables to bring in, and to treat their classmates with fruit and vegetables on their birthdays or name days.

And on the other side of the letter was… the price list for the school canteen! A catalogue of foods that children should not eat and drink (at least not on a daily basis), and barely anything on it that they should!

My son is not allowed to buy from the canteen, and thankfully, there are other like-minded mothers who send their children to school with a healthy lunchbox and no tuck money - so he is not singled out, nor is he particularly bothered. But we really need to get the UK celebrity chef and pioneer of children's nutrition in schools - Jamie Oliver - in quick; for the sake of the future of our island, and that is one broken record you will keep hearing from me.

First appeared in They Cyprus Weekly, 09/10/15

Meltdown Devastation

2015-10-06T21:29:00.001+03:00

"Your son switched off the fridge again!" my dad remarked when he came round this morning. I smile in sympathy choosing not to say anything. You see any house my son spends enough time in - mine, my parents, my in laws - he will find some little thing to do, something to rearrange in a way that he sees fit or correct. And it is never the same in each house. In mine he would never dare to turn off the fridge, firstly because he can't really reach it, and second because he would incur the wrath of MUM!

Like most ASD children my son has certain routines that he can't live with out. These are the things that if he does not do, they will result in a complete meltdown.
For example, he has to have a shower every morning (not a bad one to have I suppose, at least he is clean) even if we are going to the beach that day. I remember one morning we overslept and we dared to refuse him a shower. Not only did he have a complete meltdown, which made us even later for school, but his meltdown turned into a day long tantrum where he refused to work, concentrate or cooperate at all...with ANYONE (a nightmare for all his teachers and for us!). Let me just diverge slightly to explain to those who may not know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. Anyone who has ever raised a toddler knows what a tantrum is. It is an emotional outburst of rage or frustration. It usually because you have either said no to something they want, or in my younger son's case because you put crackers instead of cereal in his lunchbox/he wants to play with his cousin and she isn't home or he doesn't want to leave yiayia's house/Hobos etc.. During a tantrum a child may have some control over his behaviour, especially if they are older. My second son even stops in the middle of a tantrum to make sure I am looking at him. If I say one word to him, he picks up where he left off, refusing to listen if it is not the answer he wants.

On the other hand, a meltdown for me is a lot more traumatic. It is when my poor son's brain is so overwhelmed with stress chemicals, that it has reached the panic, flight or fight stress reaction. The stress builds up to the point that his brain overwhelms and loses the ability to cope. In my son's case I recognise the panic in his eyes and he has:

no control over his behaviour; cannot engage with anyone; feels unsafe/afraid and no amount of distraction will help. The only thing I can do is hold him tightly as if he is unravelling and I am keeping him together (no talking, I remove all demands, reduce all stimulation so his brain can regroup and reorganise). He sometimes clings to me so tightly that I have bruises, all the time crying out as if he is being mentally tortured. And most of the time I cry along with him, holding him, feeling helpless, weak and useless as I am not able to take away his pain fast enough! ...Then I wait for his body to relax a bit (this can take anything from half an hour to 2 ours) and I suggest a shower. He will then sit in the shower, water cascading over him, for 20 minutes to half an hour until he is ready to come out. I have learnt over time that this is what he needs, although I know other ASD children that don't like to be touched during a meltdown, I am thankful that my little boy allows me to help him through.

When he was younger meltdowns once or twice a week were not uncommon but as he has grown up and his speech has improved they have lessened over time (Thank God!). I remember the first Christmas I hosted at my house, my dad flew over Christmas day to surprise the kids, and he had a lot of gifts - he got too over excited and I knew a meltdown was imminent... And sure enough there I was sitting on the kitchen floor (for over an hour), holding my poor ASD son who was clinging to me for dear life utterly lost (for him I have always imagined it to be like falling down a black void where it is dark and you don't know how to stop or get back to the light - I don't know why but this is the image that always comes to me). I have many of these little stories of meltdowns but I have been lucky that with the exception of 1 time all his meltdowns have been at home. The only public meltdown he ever had was just before his swimming lesson and it was the worst experience ever. It wasn't bad enough that (I'm going to say it!) mothers were looking at me probably thinking that I can't control my child, but even the mothers I knew smiled that pity smile at me and then proceeded to make a quick exit outside. Not one person asked me if I needed help or if I was alright! Not one mother spoke to me, even after he calmed down, to offer a mother-to-mother support! I had never felt so alone in my life.

So all mothers out there, if you see a mother - ANY mother- having to cope with a tantrum or meltdown, please offer a helping hand or words of support because even if we say we are ok, your words will be greatly appreciated.

Spring-cleaning those dust-filled rugs - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-08-31T18:16:00.001+03:00

If you are wondering why Cyprus is currently so dusty, it's because the rugs of deceit are being lifted and new indiscretions are no longer being allowed to be swept under them!

On the one hand, it is horrible to hear of some new scandal, attempted cover-up, corruption story or exposé every day, and it suddenly makes Cyprus appear to have changed overnight from a charming little isle of warm welcomes, into one big ghetto. But on the other hand, it shows us that all is not lost, and that positive changes can happen even after a long time of ingrained habits.

I have said this before and I won't stop repeating it; Cyprus is no worse than any other country, but due to its size, things can appear worse, or more magnified. And now with the added element of things coming to the surface and those darn dusty rugs being rolled up, it can seem even more hopeless or corrupt. But it has always been that way, since the illegitimate children of village affairs decades ago, to the modern denials that issues like anorexia, bullying and mental disabilities actually exist.

For a very long time, an accepted blanket of silence and a policy of 'we don't talk about these things' prevailed – probably because it was an island of neighbourhoods. Since the financial crisis that brought us to our knees, people have suddenly had the veil lifted, and this abrupt awakening has quickly spread from wanting answers regarding the role of bankers in our downfall, to realising that in every corner of society there is an elephant in the room.

So far, we have seen videos of police brutality emerge; scandals of the powerful or rich keeping their power or wealth through unscrupulous means; people in authority – ala sewerage boards and municipalities – breaking the trust of their positions in the worse ways; reports of rape, abuse and paedophilia coming out of the woodwork like teaming swarms of cockroaches, and so much more.

These are awful things to happen, but the fact they are coming out is good, for it means we have finally entered the Era of Accountability and Transparency. Yes, it is still in its infancy, and knowing us, it could be a long time before baby steps turn into big strides, but we have reached this point at long last. And it is not going to be a pleasant journey. For some, the 'ignorance is bliss' policy will actually be more preferable than having to face new painful revelations on a daily basis.

For me personally, the area of child safety and wellbeing is my main concern, and I feel utterly sick to the stomach when new cases of child abuse come to light – I desperately want to still feel that my island is the right place to raise my children. And this unease is especially ripe right now as my son prepares to start the first year of state primary school, and I am hearing from mothers everywhere that there is a serious issue of bullying – right from year 1. The horror stories of what so and so's neighbour's daughter went through, or a cousin's son's best friend did are shocking to say the least.

Maybe, if we tackle the 'unspoken' problems from the early years and get issues like bullying, drug abuse and the like under control, then we won't see so many of the next generation becoming the kind of adults who abuse their power, chase wealth at any expense and target the innocence of children. And that really is something to get 'dusty' over.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 28/08/15

The Cat in the Lab

2015-07-07T14:28:00.001+03:00

Very few things have left me speechless - nothing more so than my first meeting with Doctor Catherine Demetriades. First impression? Energetic, beautiful and a little weird (in one of those wonderful ways). There was intensity to her, the kind that draws you in, the kind you can't look away from; when you feel slightly dumbfounded, searching for the words to say. And as I said before...intense.

I had googled her before we met and she is one amazing woman. I will skip through her childhood - father an inventor, mother a fashion designer; violin prodigy, learnt the piano in 6 months; attended Saturday morning classes in a University learning to dissect brains in a laboratory aged 11 and the list goes on and on...

She has 4 PhDs in Molecular Medicine, Biophysics, Particle Physics and Quantum Psychology. But what I thought was really cool about her, was that she also wanted to know about the Ancient Sciences so she became an Egyptologist and Ancient Egyptian Perfumer. Not only can she read hieroglyphs but she can create her own perfumes, including the hidden formula that Cleopatra had in her perfume. I don't know if it was exactly that one she placed along my arm, but it was a divine formula, and believe me the smell was both ambrosial and addictive.

Did I fail to mention that she is a fully functional Autistic Savant!

Anyway, why had this awesome individual come to my house? Well, she had brought over a ridiculously expensive piece of equipment - I want to say a Quantum Response machine, but I am not sure exactly what it is or how it works. All I know is that it was jaw-dropping. All my son had to do was touch these two round sensors for 15 minutes, non invasive and simple, right? I can see all you ASD parents out there shaking your heads and smiling that knowing smile. After 3 tries he managed to hold on for about 2 minutes, but only with all of us counting to 100 and me giving him the death stare if he so much as moved his hands (I was not allowed to touch him because the machine would pick me up too). The results were astounding, for example she told us he had a problem with his left leg, a lingering virus. My husband froze, as he remembered when my son was about 2 and a half, he had come home limping (the doctor told us it was a virus). How did she know that and about twenty other pieces of information that only we knew? What was this miracle machine? But more importantly, how would it help our ASD son?

Obviously we have to wait for her to properly study the results, but as I watched her talk and move, I had a strange feeling of the familiar, the way she ate and drank, hungrily yet savouring the flavour (she explained that she like other ASDs never felt full - which totally explains how my son rummages through the cupboards constantly looking for food even if he only ate half an hour ago!), and her mischievous grin, (like when my son is about to do something he knows is naughty) when she talked about things that challenged preconceived ideas about autism.

I do not know what these results will bring, but I somehow feel a strange, trusting, secure hope that this specific Dr. Cat will find in her lab some way to help bring my ASD son to full function.

LPN MUM - Brand Launch Fashion Show

2015-07-07T03:50:00.001+03:00

American Academy Summer School

2015-07-07T03:44:00.000+03:00

‘Clamping down’ should be more than just words - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-07-06T08:48:00.001+03:00

It is always pleasant news when Larnaka Municipality states that it will clamp down on certain anti-social behaviours (of which there are many!) But it is never a guarantee that they will put their money (or that of the taxpayers) where their mouth is, so I really, really hope that this time the new law of not allowing eyesores and illegal obstructions on pavements will be implemented.

No doubt there are business owners who are up-in-arms at the new decree that only those with prior permission are allowed to put signs, tables, chairs and decorative items on the pavements and roads outside of their establishments. After all, the sight of a board menu or an 'open' sign is a common sight in town, and within reason, the practise seems fairly harmless.

But, you get establishments who think that they own the pavement and road outside of their premises, to the point that they fill both up either to stop people parking (and thus blocking the sight of their premises), or to extend their services outside. And there are those who go a step further and actually forbid members of the public to park even in metered spaces unless they are visiting their particular shop or restaurant. Not only is this unfair and illegal, but there have been many instances when the establishment owners have actually become aggressive or violent towards vehicles parked outside 'their' premises. I have personally heard of owners returning to egged or scratched cars for refusing not to abide by the establishment's demands to move along.

By claiming the surrounding areas of their business, there are many establishments that are inconveniencing and endangering pedestrians – especially those with pushchairs and wheelchairs - by forcing them to walk on the road. It makes me very cross that any business should take away someone's right to walk safely on a pavement, or abuse them if they try to walk through the obstacle course of pot plants, signs and tables, or dare to park legally outside.

The reason that this clamping down is taking place is actually mainly for aesthetic reasons. As a tourist town, rusty signs held down by an old tire do not look nice! There is no consistency to the type of signs used, and some of them are actually hazardous as well as ugly. Good luck to the municipality, as I really don't fancy their chances of policing an entire town's pavements or finding cooperative business owners!

Personally, I live in fear of parking in a legal spot outside someone's business, as they tend to peer out and give you a dirty look if you are not going inside. I normally park and run out of the car before they spot me. This is crazy but in Cyprus, people are very territorial of surrounding areas that they think 'belong' to them.

Case-in-point is the issue of residential areas where homeowners selfishly plant massive trees in the middle of pavements, or park their car fully on the pavement. It has long been a contentious issue for me, especially as nothing is being done about it.

I for one certainly look forward to a less hazardous town, and kindly request that residential areas are next on the list!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, week 03/07/15

Wobbly bits and genius ideas - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-06-29T07:48:00.001+03:00

Despite an unusually slow start, summer has finally made its grand entrance! The good news for residents of the island is that this year the summer will be 'milder' – or so the press tells us. That means it will be hot – too hot at times – but not super-unbearably-hot for the most part! Considering that it is almost July and we have yet to have to turn on the air-conditioning, we have done very well so far!

I cannot imagine there are too many people on the island who absolutely hate summer, because logically, they wouldn't chose to live here, but I am sure there are a fair portion, who – like me - still get a shock when it is time to bare some flesh!

Despite knowing all-year-round that summer is coming with certainty, and therefore sandals, shorts, t.shirts and swimwear are inevitable too, it is always a little traumatising when you first reveal a patch of white skin, or wobbly, cellulite-d, varicose veined or scarred imperfections! But the summer and the sea have a strange way of making us compartmentalise our body exposure. I personally wouldn't dream of wearing leggings, hot pants, a mini skirt or even shorts slightly above the knee, but I have no issue with wearing what amounts to underwear-in-a-purpose-made-fabric (a.k.a swimwear) at the beach. That said, I do choose my beaches with care and do not frequent those where the young and beautiful are living life like one big party, so that could have something to do with it…

…but I do adore the sea (I don't sunbathe, it's all about the water for me), and I love going early morning when the water is cold and calm and the sea creatures have not gone into hiding yet. Already this year I have found some unusual shells that I did not have in my collection, and have met a starfish, crabs and other assorted fish. And it is on one of these mornings, mulling over how we have once again topped the list for Europe's cleanest coasts, and how on earth that is possible when I am forever picking rubbish out of the sea, that I had one of those genius ideas that you know would be a winner but that you will never do.

If anyone from the municipality is reading, I would love them to take my suggestion on board because I really think it would help everyone to pitch in and keep our seas clean and safe. So, the idea is (drum roll please) Floating Sea Bins.

If there were Floating Sea Bins (moored down like buoys) with slots for throwing litter in, but that you could not take litter out of (like bottle banks), then maybe more people would care for the state of the seas by picking up any litter they found and depositing it in the bins. So far, the waters are generally clean but I have found too many tin cans and plastic bags for my liking. I do throw them out of the sea when I am close enough to the shore for my weak throw to catapult them out of the water, but most of the time I am too far from the sands to pick the litter out the sea and keep taking it out.

Floating Sea Bins… you heard it here first!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 26/06/15

Do you want flies with that? - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-06-22T14:12:00.001+03:00

As an advertising copywriter as well as a journalist, I am guilty of regularly extolling the virtues of al fresco dining on the island (a posh way of saying 'eating outside').

On many occasion I have painted a picture with words about how amazing it is to be able to eat outside in nice weather; either at home in the garden or on a veranda, or at one of the many restaurants that have lovely outdoor areas. It is a wonderful vision of intimately sharing delicious, fresh food under the sun or stars, with smiles all-round and beautiful memories created…

…I don't know about you, but as a resident of the island, I have rarely enjoyed a meal outdoors that has not been ruined by insects!

We don't eat in our own garden due to flies, mosquitoes and ants. When my parents invite us to eat on their veranda - or at the horafi where dad has a clay oven - we literally spend the entire time fighting off the flies; swatting the kids food (and sacrificing our own in the process so that our precious babies' meals are not tainted), and generally getting incredibly grumpy that we cannot enjoy what was potentially going to be another great, big, fat Cypriot feast! It is horrible. Al fresco dining is certainly not all it is hyped up to be!

But something that visitors do not realise is that having insects in and around your home in Cyprus is not an indication that you are dirty in any way… everyone has them, they are everywhere and that is just the way it is!

I sometimes read online reviews for hotels on the island where the guest from abroad has written of their disgust of finding a single, solitary cockroach or ant on the premises, and I really feel for the venue. Whilst a hoard of roaches running riot anywhere is horrible and could indeed be an indication of lowly hygiene standards, the odd roach here or there in houses and hotels is perfectly normal, and no matter how much you take care to treat against them, a rogue one will always surface. Ants too are notoriously hard to get rid of once they have taken hold and decided that your home is a good source of food! I know of people with extremely clean kitchens who simply cannot get rid of the ants, and of others whose kitchens are not so clean that have never had an ant in their life. It seems it is partly how you keep your abode, but also partly luck of the draw.

And as for mosquitoes, some people genuinely dread summer if they live in an area particularly bad for mosquitoes, or have the kind of blood that the critters go crazy for. No matter what precautions they take, my son, sister and mother-in-law especially appeal to the bloodsuckers, whilst hubby seems to appeal to them the least!

I personally do not kill insects unless it is absolutely vital, preferring to take them – or guide them – out of the house. I consider my garden to be fair game and that I have no right to deny insects any outside areas, as they are just being what they were made to be, but that said, I do yearn for the al fresco dining that I promote. And yes, whilst there are far worse problems in the world (and Larnaca), as an island built on the tradition of food and eating outdoors, that experience of spoilt fly-laden souvla really can seem like a tragedy sometimes!

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 19/06/15

Summer School at Home

2015-06-22T08:26:00.002+03:00

Renew your Wardrobe

2015-06-16T14:03:00.003+03:00

Summer Afternoons Workshops

2015-06-16T14:02:00.003+03:00

Russian Summer School

2015-06-16T13:59:00.002+03:00

Spring Bazaraki

2015-06-16T13:57:00.002+03:00

Happy Faces

2015-06-16T13:55:00.002+03:00

Open House Sale

2015-06-16T13:53:00.002+03:00

Summer School - Oroklini

2015-06-16T13:51:00.003+03:00

Defending the island’s honour in the face of FB flippancy! - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-06-15T07:24:00.001+03:00

I recently saw a post from a Facebook friend that showed a picture of the Cyprus flag with an eye crying one, single tear and his comment "…my beloved Cyprus exists, no longer. It has now become the home of everything that is wrong with today's world."

As a general rule, I don't get involved in Facebook debates and comments, and am not one to publically talk politics or religion, but this sweeping statement that the island is literally where everything bad is, really riled me. And so I wrote a long comment back where I nicely said that every single country has good and bad, and that I did not accept this generalised comment (in a nutshell). And of course there were additional comments from others about how anyone who cannot see how corrupt the island is, and how bad things are, is basically blind or an idiot.

It's my fault! As a writer, I am used to measuring my words and carefully writing in a balanced and factual way. So, when I read something like '…the home of everything that is wrong with today's world', as a writer, I take it literally and am offended by the inaccuracy and abuse of the English language. I am used to working to the policy that every word a journalist writes has the potential to be slanderous, defamatory or controversial if it is sweeping, generalised or not backed up with hard evidence – and that includes on social media sites too.

The writer clearly has strong and impassioned feelings about the state of the island, and when he wrote his comment, it would not have crossed his mind that he had written something that simply, cannot 'literally' be true! Cyprus is not and cannot be the home of EVERYTHING wrong with today's world, and it is not. Yes, it has many issues – corrupt politicians and officials being one of them – but it is far from the worse country in the entire world, and if we were to take this statement literally and offer evidence to argue against it, there is a whole catalogue of reasons why there are many countries where more 'wrong' things exist!

My stance remains the same as always; that every single country has good and bad people, elements, policies, practises and conditions, and whilst I am not blind to the negatives of Cyprus, I am also not blind to the positives. Sometimes the bad elements are more evident and obvious here due to our small size, and I personally choose to have a balanced view where I focus more on the good than the bad. But that said, the fact that FB friend feels this way, and was then backed up by others expressing the same sentiments (and vilifying me in the process for my 'ignorance') got me thinking. Are things really that bad here?

Well, I guess the answer to that depends on who you are and how your cards have been dealt, as one size does not fit all. And perhaps for some people it is easier to move back when they feel things have become intolerable here. In the case of the FB friend - and some of the others who commented - the common perception was that they had been 'forced to flee' Cyprus, and indeed, there are many who in recent years have left. I do not know the merits of each case, and I do not doubt that for some of them, the move back was the right thing to do and they are much happier, but I wish they would stop making out that the island is the villain and has no redeeming features…

…because in the process, they are insulting everyone who does still live here, as though we are too stupid to know any better.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly, 12/06/15

The game of ‘what if’ - Paula Manoli-Gray

2015-06-08T09:55:00.001+03:00

Last week's fire at an area by the salt lake was a sobering wake-up call for Larnaca residents, and a reminder of how fragile we really are.

With so many daily trials and tribulations to contend with, we tend not to account for the possibility of other, more serious events. I think that this is because – thankfully – we have not experienced many of the major-scale disasters of other parts of the world, and so, our daily frustrations with government offices and bad drivers do indeed seem to be absolutely tragic on a personal level for each of us! Then something truly, potentially dangerous happens and we are forced to open our eyes to what it means to live in a world where your health and wellbeing doesn't just depend on you and your personal choices, but on those of the whole community and the governing bodies of the region we live in.

As is typical in these kinds of circumstances, the 'what if's' started to unfold as the fire blazed. As the site of the fire was roughly opposite the area where my parents live; roughly opposite my daughter's ballet school; next to my son's school, and more alarmingly, by the petrol station of the area, for me, it was a case of 'what if' it had happened when my son was at school? 'What if' it reached the ballet school where my daughter was at the time? 'What if' my parents had to evacuate or lost their property? But the biggest and scariest of all… 'what if' it reached the petrol station?

I am not aggrandising here because it was a fire of a potentially very damaging size, and due to the dry and brittle foliage of the area – as well as the petrol station – it could have been potentially a whole lot worse. As we know, the fire department did a grand job of containing it; the petrol station closed its pumps down, fire breakers were dug out and the ending is a largely happy one for the residents of the area and Larnaca, with no loss of human life or damage to properties. I won't say that any damage to the area's flora or fauna is acceptable, because it is not, and it is tragic to lose any kind of natural wealth, let alone that of a protected area, but all things considering, we (as in Larnaca) did okay.

Of course, we cannot think 'what if' because if it didn't happen, then there is nothing to worry about. Or is there? The 'what ifs' could easily be real situations, so just because something didn't happen and there is no need to lay blame, make accusations and demand justice, that doesn't mean we get off scott-free.

One of my first questions was 'should there be a petrol station right next to a school and a protected forestland of much undergrowth and bamboo – which basically becomes firewood in the hot months?' I was told that all the right safety measures are indeed in place and it is okay. But still… it got me thinking about something that I had always taken for granted – the location of the petrol station. In fairness, the petrol station was there long before the school was built, but it does make me wonder about the protocols of town planning.

And there is the issue of whether it was arson; believed to have been triggered by the mosquitoes in the area. I like to think that no human being would be so reckless as to endanger human life and cause damage to the area they live in just to make a point, but we all know that there are people like that out there.

Sadly, our wellbeing is indeed a collective issue of community, and so we all need to ensure that we are a positive force in ours, and not the (dry and flamable) straw that breaks the camel's back.

First appeared in The Cyprus Weekly newspaper, 05/06/15

Sibling Camaraderie

2015-06-02T19:46:00.001+03:00

A close friend asked me recently "Are you ever worried that your youngest (she is 6 months) may have ASD?". My answer..."Almost everyday."

I mean she is a bright little spark, squealing at her brothers like a little peacock, smiling away...but I do find myself scrutinising every new move. When she popped her little chubby finger into my mouth, my husband and I looked at each other with silent alarm. You see, at that age, my ASD son used to constantly pop his finger into the mouth of every person who held him, which we later discovered was a symptom to do with his sensory interpretation.

I am lucky in a way, my eldest son was diagnosed with ASD when my second son was 5 months old. I never had to go through the stress of "Will my second child also be special needs?" which is a fear that many other parents have to go through. Earlier studies suggested that autism in siblings was in the 3-10% range, however recent research has found autism in 19% of younger siblings. These are really scary statistic! So I can perfectly understand why some parents choose not to have another child. I know that when we decided we wanted a third child, it was definitely something on our "cons" list.

When we discovered that we were having a girl, I was a little less worried as girl siblings are only 9% likely to be autistic compared to 26% of boys. Having one ASD child is hard work, I can't imagine what having two or more must be like.

But, my younger son was a godsend. Most ASD children have problems socialising with other children, not knowing how to approach them. My ASD son really struggled with this, and with learning how to play with other children (my turn, your turn). So you can imagine our delight when last year we saw him not only playing with his younger brother, but initiating a game (which for him is a BIG deal!). This game play with his brother opened up the way to game play at school. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he fully participated in all the games the kids played, but he did at least gain the confidence to approach the other children and join in some easy games...on occasion.

He has learned to be responsible for his younger brother, being very overprotective, constantly making sure that my daredevil second son doesn't hurt himself. He has learned the idea of ownership (mine, yours), the importance of sharing and thinking of others (he always brings something home from the sweetshop for his brother when he goes with his dad - in fact he insists on it). He has learned the value of language and communication, (my second son is quite the little chatterbox), and finally he has learned the comfort of companionship (they share a room and have pushed the beds together to sleep close to each other). It really warms my heart to see their camaraderie.

Their sincere brotherly love has taught him all these things and so much more! I can't wait to see what his sister will teach him...