Clarity of Focus

STEPS TO SUCCESS IN 2012

2012-01-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

We are now one week into the new year and you might be looking around you and noticing how organised people around you are. Maybe--your mother, roommate, co-workers--always seem so organized? Like they were born that way?

While others--often defined as creative or spontaneous-- need constant reminders if there's any hope of getting anything done? Like a sticky note on the bathroom mirror saying, 'brush and floss.'

Even if you're not born organized, you can look and feel like you are. How? By acting that way. By changing what you do so it reflects how you want to be. And how do you do that? By working to develop routines like those of our friends and family who were 'just born that way'.

1) What's Important? Goals

What is most important to you? Keeping your house spotless? Knitting afghans for your best friends' babies? Running every morning? Volunteering at your kids' school? Your goals are the basis of your routines. Success isn't a one off event, its lots of little things done over and over.

2) What's Urgent? Priorities

What are the tasks that you can't put off or delegate to someone else? Driving morning carpool? Working your 9-to-5 job? Taking your mother-in-law to weekly medical appointments? Your priorities are an important part of your routines.

3) What Comes First?

What are the tasks that have to be done first thing when you get up? Dressing quickly for morning carpool? Brushing and flossing? Starting that pot of coffee that helps you get moving? These will be the first steps of your daily routine.

4) What Comes Next?

Then what do you have to do? Wake the kids? Take the dog out? Fix breakfast? These will be the next steps of your daily routine.

5) Making Lists

List your 'what comes first' tasks. Then add your 'what comes next' tasks. Next come your goals. Followed by your priorities.

6) Checking it Twice

Read through your list several times, making sure you've included everything that you really have to get done, and everything that you really, really want to do. Your list might have 20 tasks. It might have 80. Don't worry. You don't have to do these tasks--at least for now. Just get them on your list.

7) Organizing Routines by Time of Day

Divide your day into several segments that make sense to you. Perhaps your day divides into AM; Noon; PM; and Evening. Or into four-hour segments such as 6 to 10; 10 to 2; 2 to 6; and 6 to 10.

8) Dividing Routines into Steps

Now mark, color code, or number your tasks by which segment they belong in. Most will be obvious. Morning car pool has to be in the AM or 6 to 10 segment. Others are tasks you usually do at one time of day or another. Mark these for any time segment, or even have an additional category for 'anytime' tasks.

9) Starting Small

Make your first daily routine list short. At least three items; but no more than five. For example, the five items on your list will start with the first two tasks for your morning routine, followed by one goal and two priorities. Your starting small list might be: (1) brush and floss; (2) start coffee; (3) take morning run; (4) drive morning car pool; and (5) check in with mother-in-law.

10) Building a Foundation

The goal of this exercise is to establish daily routines. At this point it is not to see how many tasks you can complete before you fall into bed exhausted at midnight. By completing the five tasks on your list every day without fail you will start to develop your routine muscle. It's generally believed that it takes about three or four weeks to make or break a habit. So, keep working at your short list of daily routines for that long.

11) Keeping Track

For the first few days, completing the same tasks one right after the other may be difficult, even if your list is only three or four or five tasks long . But keep at it. Possibly even make a chart, checking off the tasks as completed or writing the number of tasks completed.

12) Getting Better

As you find you're able to complete all the tasks on your short list, start adding more tasks, going as slowly or as quickly as feels comfortable to you. You're not in a race. You're developing routines. You're building habits. You have nothing to prove to anyone -- not even yourself.

13) Falling Behind

One day you might complete 20 tasks on a list of 30. Another day you might get stalled after your original five. Or even your first task. We all do. Developing routines is difficult, especially when we're not used to doing things in the same order every day.

14) Not Getting Discouraged

Don't let yourself get discouraged. You can develop routines. Even if you've spent your entire life of 20 or 30 or 60 years doing things as you think of them. Or putting them off for another day or week or month. You just need to keep at it. One day you'll discover that you're completing five or even 25 tasks without even looking at your list.

15) Forgiving Yourself

Even if you drop down to just that first item on your list, don't start dumping on yourself. You would be supportive if it was your best friend who was trying to develop routines, so be a good friend and forgive yourself.

16) Starting Over

Perhaps you've worked your way up to completing 20 items on your 30-item checklist. Perhaps you're still working on five. And then you find yourself in a slump. Several days pass by when urgent items take up all of your time. Or you're depressed for a week. Or your kids are sick. Just start over again when you can. Start by doing the first task on your list. Or the first two. The number doesn't matter. Completing your daily routine checklist does. Even if there is only one item on that checklist.

Soon someone will say about you, 'Oh, he was just born organized.'

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Make Your Resolutions a Reality

2012-01-01T19:48:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Every year you set new goals for yourself. If you’re like most people, by February, your resolve is waning, and by May you don’t even remember your resolutions. Then, on Dec. 31, you berate yourself saying, How did I waste a whole year?

My passion is helping people get more out of each day, rather than repeating themselves, therefore today I have listed some ideas to help.
This year can be different! Pick only two or three strategies from the list below and implement them today. Then, instead of scolding yourself on Dec. 31, 2012, you’ll be able to say, Look how much I accomplished this year!

Write it down. You’ve heard it before, but the truth is writing down your goals forces you to get clear about what you want. Use a pen and paper (you can transfer it to your computer later). That simple physical act helps cement the desire in your brain. Review them often- daily is best.

Find a replacement. In The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy explains one way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. What can you choose to add to your life that will fill the void left by eliminating a bad habit? For example, replace TV time with family time, sweets with fresh fruit, talk radio with inspiring audios.Have a personal Professional Development plan with a list of books and audios you would liek to read or listen to.

Tell someone. Talking about your goal—even if it seems huge and impossible—allows others to encourage and help you by providing resources and information you may need. Napoleon Hill refers to a mastermind team. This is an amazing thing to use.

Take baby steps every day. Even small steps taken toward your goal consistently will move you in the right direction. Once you experience a few small wins, taking bigger steps becomes easier.

Take some BIG steps. Don’t take all year to do what you can accomplish in a day. Once you’ve written down your list of goals for the year, figure out which goals could be accomplished this month—or even today.

Decide and act. Mental hurdles may keep you from making decisions and taking action. Get over it! Make a list of all the reasons you want to accomplish your stated goal. Refer to that list when indecision or inaction threatens to take control.

Team up. Even if you don’t share the same goal, having a “success buddy” can keep you accountable. Meet weekly (in person or by phone) to check in on and encourage each other.

Celebrate your successes. Every time you reach a milestone, acknowledge your accomplishments in a positive way. For example, if you drop a dress size, buy a new outfit. If you pick up a new client, have dinner with a mentor. Celebrating your success will keep you focused on the larger goal.

I hope you have a great year and remember to let me know how you get on as you make strides in your year.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Igniting Lives on Fire

TIME IS TICKING

2011-12-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

Its New years eve and I go thinking about time as I was looking back over the year. I then was reminded of this great article by one of my mentors and chose to share it.

Clock of Time
By Napoleon Hill

The hands of the Clock of Time are moving swiftly onward! We cry out, "Backward, turn backward O Time in your flight," but Time does not heed your cries.

It is later than you think!

Arouse yourself, fellow wayfarer; awake and take possession of your own mind while you still have enough Time to become, during the yet unexpired future, that which you would have liked to have been in the past.

Make the most of your present allotment of Time, with the hope that you will not have to reincarnate in order to do the job all over again because of neglect.

You have been warned!

Now the responsibility is YOURS. There is a simple test by which you may judge whether or not you have been using your Time to best advantage. If you have attained peace of mind and material opulence sufficient for your needs, your Time has been properly used. If you have not attained these blessings, your Time has not been properly used, and you should begin now to search for the circumstances in connection with which you have fallen short.

The truly great people have no such reality as "idle time," because they keep their minds geared eternally to patterns of constructive thought. By this profound use of their Time, they develop an alert sixth sense through which they look, listen, and see from within.

If negative thoughts stray into the minds of the truly great, these thoughts are immediately transmuted into positive thoughts and exercised by positive physical action appropriate to their nature.

Tick, tick, tick - the pendulum of the Clock of Time is swinging rapidly!

The entire face of civilization is undergoing an uplifting operation.

Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong are engaged in mortal combat for supremacy. The Time has come for everyone to stand up and be counted. The use each of us makes of his individual allotment of Time will tell whose side each of us is on - Mr. Right's or Mr. Wrong's.

Something has speeded up the Clock of Time so rapidly that the last half of the twentieth century will reveal to mankind more individual opportunities for self-improvement that have been revealed during the entire past of man's existence.

Your share of these vast OPPORTUNITIES may be embraced and used only by the way you relate yourself to TIME!

Source: You Can Work Your Own Miracles. Fawcett Columbine Book. 1971. Pgs. 119 & 120.

LEARN FROM FAILURE

2011-12-29T11:06:00.000-08:00

The best lessons we learn are the times that we look at our failure and then identify ways of moving forward. Adversity provides the resistance necessary to develop the strength to overcome great obstacles. This strength consists of self-confidence, perseverance, and, very importantly, self-knowledge. For if you do encounter a setback, it is a clue to a personal weakness. You may have been hasty in judging a competitor, or you may have been too timid in your vision of what needed to be done. Let adversity be your guide to understanding where you mis-stepped and which qualities you need to cultivate. No one rejoices in disappointment, but if you are success-conscious, you can turn the situation into a chance for improving your character, an opportunity you otherwise would have missed.

Igniting Lives on Fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Failure is Good

2011-12-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

Its been a truly blessed Christmas. I was watching the Dawn Treader (Narnia Series)yesterday and was reminded of many personal attributes as I watched it. One of them is the ability to bounce back after failure.
If everything we attempted in life were achieved with a minimum of effort and came out exactly as planned, how little we would learn -- and how boring life would be! And how arrogant we would become if we succeeded at everything we attempted. Failure allows us to develop the essential quality of humility. It is not easy -- when you are the person experiencing failure -- to accept it philosophically, serene in the knowledge that this is one of life’s great learning experiences.

But it is. Nature’s ways are not always easily understood, but they are repetitive and therefore predictable. You can be absolutely certain that when you feel you are being most unfairly tested, you are being prepared for great achievement.
As you enjoy a prolonged break, take some time to reflect on whats lessons you can learn from over the past few year and make plans to made steady improvements in 2012.

Igniting the Fire within

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Abandonment

2011-12-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

This time of the year many people feel alone and isolated. It is always good to think back to that first Christmas and see that even Jesus didn't go alone.
Most of us are incapable of “going it alone.” Whether it is in our careers, our personal relationships, or in life, we all need others if we are to achieve the level of success we desire. Besides, what’s the point of having it all if we have no one we care about to share it? You may choose to work with others, you may ignore them, or you may choose to work against them, but the greatest successes in life come to those who work harmoniously with others. When your personal goals coincide with those of another, not only does the power of your combined labors benefit you, but such cooperation also creates a synergistic effect that allows you to achieve far more than the simple sum of your individual efforts.
Remember Jesus called on the wise men to help on his special day.

This year on Christmas day, take some time to think about the people who have helped you.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Igniting lives on fire.

Habits are Powerful

2011-12-20T20:22:00.000-08:00

As Christmas comes nearer, people get stressed and all sorts of traits are displayed. The tense times can show the best and the worst in us.
Human faults are like garden weeds. They grow without cultivation and soon take over the place if they aren’t thinned out.
Habits are formed so slowly that most of us don’t realize what is happening until the habits are too strongly entrenched to be broken. Seldom can one pattern of behavior be eliminated without replacing it with another. It has been said that nature abhors a vacuum and will always find something to fill a void. The best way to thin out the “weeds,” or faults in your character, is to identify those traits with which you are dissatisfied and replace them with their positive counterparts. If you have a tendency to lose your temper, for example, find a replacement for your anger. Neutralise it with a positive expression or affirmation, such as, “No one can make me angry unless I let them. I will not let anyone else control my emotions.” This festive season take time to review your habits and see if you can reach out to others looking through a different light.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Igniting lives on fire

Whose Report will you believe?

2011-12-18T19:20:00.000-08:00

The other fellow’s mistakes are a weak alibi for your own.

I have just heard from a good friend that they have separated. I was reminded of the fact there is always three sides to a story.
(a) My side
(b) their side
(c) The truth
My heart goes to all the people involved as they are all human and will all be experiencing hurt of some description. Everyone involved will have their own story to share. I am not here to take sides, but merely to support and care for them both.
The second thing that I was reminded of, was the fact that it is easy to take sides and believe someones report. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
It’s easy when you are part of a group to “go along to get along,” but when you are able to maintain your own highest standards of integrity -- regardless of what others may do -- you are destined for greatness. When you have developed a carefully thought out code of personal conduct, you will never have to ask anyone else what the appropriate course of action should be. You will intuitively know.
No matter what is going on around us all, we have a choice to live to the life we are desiring or to live like others around us are.
Thats what Jacob and Joseph had to do in the bible and the song that was created from this familiar passage still rings true....Whose report are you going to believe...we will believe in the report of the lord.

While these two good friends are feeling a stream of emotions I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you both and my prayers and thoughts are holding you both.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Igniting lives on fire

NO MORE EXCUSES

2011-12-15T16:48:00.000-08:00

As a teacher it amazes me how much time children waste on creating stories to explain why they don't want to do a simple activity. However if they just go in and did it, then they would have had it completed in the time it took them to try and reason their way out of it.
This is no different to adults though...
Some people are so clever at inventing alibis and so dull at doing the job that would make alibis useless?

If folks did their jobs with half the effort and creativity they waste in a vain attempt to deceive others, they could achieve great success at anything. It is tempting at times to emulate those who seemingly get by without working very hard, but those who cheat the company by not doing what they are paid to do will eventually pay the price. They will pay with the loss of their most valuable possession: their reputation. The value of a reputation for honesty and integrity is the difference between a career filled with promise and a life of failure.I have made my choice of what I will do. How about you?

Igniting lives on fire.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

HOW TO MAKE IT COUNT!!

2011-12-10T16:36:00.001-08:00

It is amazing how many times I have experienced success...only because I kept on going.
Most failures could have been converted into successes if someone had held on another minute or made more effort. When you have the potential for success within you, adversity and temporary defeat only help you prepare to reach great heights of success. Without adversity, you would never develop the qualities of reliability, loyalty, humility, and perseverance that are so essential to enduring success. Many people have escaped the jaws of defeat and achieved great victories because they would not allow themselves to fail. When your escape routes are all closed, you will be surprised how quickly you will find the path to success.
Keep going.

Igniting lives on Fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

CAN I START AGAIN?

2011-12-09T17:44:00.001-08:00

Though it may not seem so when you first encounter a serious blow, you can never lose two of the most important assets you have.
These are the power of your mind and your freedom to use it. Once you have turned them to understanding what laid you low, you can begin forming new plans. You may not have the money you once had; you may lack the allies you had cultivated. But you still have the benefit of a universe that eventually rewards honest effort, as well as gaining the experience of mistakes you will never make again. Remember, no matter where you are now, whatever you can conceive and believe, you can achieve. Make sure that no matter where you are today and what you are thinking, there is always an opportunity to turn it around.

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Defining Success

2011-12-02T19:10:00.001-08:00

The Commandments of Success

I am a personal fan of Napoleon Hill and thought I would share his well known philosophy. I have just been listening to Jim Rohn's CD- Challenge to succeed and the first step is to create our own philosophy. This is a great place to start.

1. Set your head and heart upon a DEFINITE MAJOR PURPOSE and go to work, right where you stand, to attain it; and begin NOW.

2. Adopt and follow the habit of GOING THE EXTRA MILE by rendering more service and better service than you are paid for, thus enlarging the space you may occupy in the world.

3. Control your MENTAL ATTITUDE and keep it always positive and free from the spirit of defeatism.

4. Apply the GOLDEN RULE in all your human-relationships, no matter what others may do.

5. Learn all that others have discovered in connection with your occupation, job or business, and profit by their experience, thus saving yourself both grief and loss of time.

6. Eat sparingly, of the right combination of foods, and make sure that your "system" is always free from toxic poisoning.

7. Keep your dominating thoughts upon the things you desire and demand of life, and off the things you do not desire.

8. Learn to transmute your sex emotion into the attainment of your DEFINITE MAJOR PURPOSE, at will, remembering that this is a creative force of unknown, unlimited possibilities.

9. If you work for another person, do your work HIS WAY, not yours, and do it in a gracious, pleasing manner.

10. Instead of criticizing others (no matter how much they may deserve it) devote your time to the discovery of traits of your own which should be corrected lest they provide the basis of just criticism against you.

Hope this helps you towards igniting your own fire within.

http://www.fraserstirling.co.nz/

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS

2011-11-27T22:37:00.001-08:00

A question I commonly get is, how do I get more friends?

If you have a friend who goes out of his way to help cement friendships between others, consider yourself fortunate indeed. In today’s frantic, mobile, throwaway society, such individuals are exceedingly rare. With the demands placed upon us by our careers, our families, and the hectic pace of daily life, most of us have little time for ourselves, and even less for our friends. Yet we know that friendship freely given and gratefully received is one of life’s greatest gifts.
In order to gte more friends, it is time for you to reach out and be the friend to someone else who is reaching out.

Igniting lives on fire.

http://www.fraserstirling.co.nz/

EFFECTIVE CONVERSATIONS

2011-11-26T19:57:00.001-08:00

Just as in a conversation it’s a good idea to listen more than you talk, it is also wise in relationships to think about the well-being of others more than you think about your own wishes and desires. When you constantly strive to treat others in the same way you would like them to treat you, you become a person whom others like to be around, one who commands their respect, confidence, and loyalty. When you learn to manage emotions and your ego, and when you learn to always consider the needs and desires of others, it is inevitable that you will “bait your hook” with kindness and consideration, and catch more friends than you can count.

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Are you using your talents?

2011-11-22T20:24:00.001-08:00

I have come across the parable of the talents 3-4 times in the past few days. A firm believer in the law of the universe, I have refreshed my mind of what it stands for and am sharing a great article by Brian Tracy.

The Parable of Talents
By: Brian TracyThe Parable of the Talents is the primary reason for wealth or poverty throughout history.Reasons for Rich or PoorWhy do some people retire rich and most people retire poor? This subject has fascinated philosophers, thinkers, mystics and teachers throughout the ages. There have been so many cases of hundreds or thousands and even millions of men and women who have started with nothing and become financially independent that people are naturally curious to know why it happened and what are the common rules or principles that others can apply to become wealthy as well.Why People Become RichOne illustration of this key principle is called the parable of the talents. In the Bible, it says, "To him that hath, shall more be given, and he shall have abundance. But from him that hath not, even that which he hath shall be taken away."Accumulation Leads to More AccumulationWhat does it mean? In the modern world, we say "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer." The fact is that people who accumulate money tend to accumulate more and more. People who don't accumulate money seem to lose even that little bit of money which they have. Why should this happen? The great success principle, the single idea that explains human destiny is simple. It says that, "you become what you think about, most of the time."

Control Your ThoughtsAnd whatever you dwell upon, grows in your reality. You create your entire world by the things you choose to think about and how you choose to think about them.
It just so happens that wealthy, successful people fill their minds with thoughts, words, pictures and images of wealth, affluence, success, productivity and solutions to problems in the marketplace, most of the time. These thoughts trigger the reticular activating cortex, the part of the brain that makes you more alert and sensitive to things that you have decided are important to you.

Activate Your Reticular CortexFor example, if you decide to invest in a mutual fund, you will start to see news and information about mutual funds everywhere. Mentions in newspapers and magazines will jump out at you. These notices have always been there but now you have sensitized your brain to pick them up and draw them to your attention with far greater frequency and vividness. This is the function and power of your reticular cortex.

Avoid Poverty ThinkingOn the other hand, what do poor people think about most of the time? Unfortunately, poor people fill their minds with thoughts of scarcity, lack, poverty, being unable to afford things. They are always thinking and talking about how little money they have, how much things cost and how they wish things could be better financially. What they think about most of the time is how little money they have.

Think Like Wealthy People ThinkWealthy people from an early age think about how much they have, how much they want and all the different things they can do to acquire and earn the money and things they desire.

Find Out How Rich People ThinkHere's a rule for you. If you want to become successful, find out what failures do and don't do it. If you want to be wealthy, find out what poor people think about, and avoid thinking in those ways. Instead, find out how wealthy people think. Find out what they read. Find out how they spend their time. Study their lives, read their stories and autobiographies and listen to their words when they are interviewed and on tape. The more you find out what financially successful people think and talk about most of the time, and do the same things, the more rapidly you will enjoy the same rewards that they do.

What am I going to take from the parable?
To make sure I put my assets are put to use to make sure I get a return.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Igniting lives on Fire

Keys to Success

2011-11-17T09:09:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about what success is and what it means to different people. Here are some things that help us be successful in whatever we pursue.

Clarity: Eighty percent of success comes from being clear on who you are, what you believe in and what you want.

Competence: You can't climb to the next rung on the ladder until you are excellent at what you do now.

Constraints: Eighty percent of all obstacles to success come from within. Find out what is constraining in you or your company and deal with it.

Concentration: The ability to focus on one thing single-mindedly and see it through until it's done takes more character than anything else.

Creativity

Courage: Most in demand and least in supply, courage is the willingness to do the things you know are right.

Continuous learning: Read, at the very least, one book a week on business to keep you miles ahead of the competition. And just as you eat and bathe, organize your time so you spend 30 minutes a day exploring email, sending messages, going through websites, because like exercise, it's the only way you can keep on top of technology

Igniting lives on Fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

COMMUNICATION

2011-11-14T20:05:00.001-08:00

My recent posts have been about relationships, therefore I thought I would discuss communication today:

Communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives that, ironically, many of us pay the least attention to. Regretfully, the main reason is that many of us have never been taught how to communicate in a way that benefits us and the person we are communicating with. From the moment we wake up in the morning until we go to bed, we are communicating, first with family, then with coworkers, neighbors, friends, and so on. We communicate either verbally, through our spoken words, or nonverbally, through eye contact, body language, and touch as well as through our thoughts, feelings, and passions. It has been estimated that only about 20 percent of our communication is verbal, and the rest is nonverbal. It is important, then, to pay attention to all the nonverbal clues we express to people as they speak more than the words we say. For example, most people can remember when they were children and "the look" their parents gave them that expressed much more than words would. Imagine if our communication with our spouses was clearer so that we knew how to express our feelings and ask for what we wanted--and we were heard. What if we, as parents, communicated from a place of personal power inside ourselves, expecting our children to listen and cooperate without having to yell? Through verbal and nonverbal communication we let people know who we are, what we want, and how we feel. Therefore communication is one of the necessary building blocks for creating a solid and successful family environment.

Here are four steps that will enhance communication with your family.

1. Expressing Our Wants and Feelings We all have wants and feelings. Once upon a time, in our youth, it was all right for us to want, and more so, it was even necessary for us to want. But many of us had parents who told us no, we could not join the big kids in the street, we could not ask for money or play with a certain thing, and that we asked too many questions. So "no, you don't want that" became the mantra of our lives. How many times did we hear statements such as these: "don't argue with me"; "if you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about"; and so many others that taught us to stuff our feelings and shut up. No wonder we have a hard time expressing ourselves. This transfers into our adulthood to our spouses and children. When we do not get what we want, we tend to blame and attack others, causing upset and a belief that relationships are hard. In order to improve our ability to communicate and therefore improve our relationship with our family, we need to understand and release any emotions like anger and resentment and the belief that we are going to upset someone by stating our wants. It is when we release these that we can express our current wants and feelings, and we can then hear the wants and feelings of our spouses and children.

2. Making Others Right Any time we make negative comments to people about something they are doing or about a feeling or thought they have, we are making them wrong for who they are. This is called projection: the tendency to unconsciously place onto others our own undesirable ideas and impulses. How can you tell if you are projecting? The easiest way to know is if you are judging. How many times do you judge your spouse or your children for actions they take or feelings they have? No one wants to be ignored, accused, or made wrong. Think of someone right now that you have done this to. What was his or her reaction? When we project, we think they are undeserving of our love or caring. Truly, the place to start letting go of judgments is within ourselves. The more we release our own judgments about ourselves, the less we project them onto our family members. We can then make them right and see them as important, having value, and being okay for who they are because we have seen that about ourselves.

3. Listening What does listening have to do with communication? Why is listening so important? Listening allows us to get information, to learn about someone, and to understand another's feelings. Research has shown that people are listening only 25 percent of the time and that they make up the rest of what they think they hear. Therefore the nonlistener does not learn what there is to know, and the relationship becomes a classic lose-lose situation. There are many reasons why we do not hear what other people are saying. Some of them include talking too much, being too consumed with our own opinions, thinking we know a lot more about something than the person talking and planning our remarks and actions before the other person finishes. A good listener gives his or her undivided attention, asks questions without interrupting, does not judge until comprehension is complete, sees things from all points of view, and, especially, exercises the mind.

4. Having Agreements Instead of Expectations Since we have not learned positive ways to communicate due to holding back our feelings and not asking for what we want, we end up having expectations of others. We feel as if they can read our minds and know what we want without having to express it. Expectation is defined as "a prospect of future benefit." Because of this desire for a future benefit, we habitually deprive or withhold something desirable from ourselves for some outward goal or the love of someone in our lives. This is referred to as Sacrifice. For example, you think, "I will do this certain thing for my spouse, and when I do, she or he will love me more for it." Another example is thinking "I will pick up my child's toys, and he or she will learn from that and then pick up his or her own toys." We also have expectations of ourselves based on what we think others want of us, and they become shoulds; examples are "I should be a better parent" or "I should be happy around my spouse all the time." Because of fears we carry within ourselves about relationships and asking for what we want, we hold these expectations as a desire or a hope, wanting them to come true. We then sacrifice ourselves with these expectations, depriving ourselves of our wants. We become angry and disappointed when they do not come true and then feel guilty for having expressed the anger. In reality, we are angry with ourselves for not speaking up and asking for we want and need. To resolve this, we need to observe when we run our lives by shoulds or expectations and instead then communicate to others our desires and make agreements with each family member. Successful family relationships depend on how well we communicate. By using these tools, you will learn how to listen and communicate with each other. You will empower yourself and your family members. And you will create more joy, love, and peace in the family household.

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

TEAM WORK!!

2011-11-13T08:52:00.001-08:00

In my working life I have experienced many different levels of team work. Some places only do the bare minimum together and leave each person to get on with their own lives. Other places work extremely close and help each other every step of the way. So what is better? Friendly cooperation is never any part of the devil’s work. He is always working on the other side. The most noble human relationships are those that have been formed in a spirit of cooperation and harmony. Cooperation, in many ways, is the physical manifestation of your care and concern for your fellow man. When you work with others in a spirit of friendly cooperation, you are conducting yourself according to the founding principles of most religions and all successful societies. Everyone occasionally feels pangs of jealousy or envy, usually accompanied by the urge to cause problems or difficulty for those we dislike. Truly successful people have learned to restrain such urges. They know that if they concentrate upon their own objectives and help others along the way, they will eventually reach their goals. It isn’t easy to always be a friendly, cooperative person, but in the end you will find that it is worth the effort. Igniting lives on fire. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

How to get friends

2011-11-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

Just a short message today. Have been thinking about friends over the last few days and I wanted to just share an idea: If you call on your friends only when you need something, you will soon find yourself without friends. There is a great deal of wisdom in the phrase, “If you want friends, be a friend.” Friendship means giving without expecting anything in return. Busy, successful people are not searching for new friends. If you want to be their friend, you must make the effort to befriend them. Let them know that you are interested in them as people, not in what they can do for you, and you may find that you have made a true and loyal friend. Make sure you do stop and thank the people in your lives. igniting the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

BENEFITS OF SETTING GOALS

2011-11-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

The first key note speaker at the conference at the weekend was talking about goals and how they set them. It was good to hear a different way of approaching one of my favourite topics. I thought I would share why goal setting is important: 1. Greater Peace of Mind. There is nothing in the world like going to bed at night knowing you are investing the days of your life in the areas of your chosen endeavor. Nothing brings you greater peace of mind than having the certainty that you are consciously creating your destiny, living a life of your own design. Goal getters realize that you create your life goal by goal. If you want a better life, set better goals. Simple really. 2. Clarity of Purpose. Having carefully chosen goals gives your life greater meaning. Show me a person who doesn't know their passion or purpose in life and I will show you a person who either has no goals or pursues goals with no personal challenge or meaning. People who actively and systematically pursue meaningful goals feel a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in life. What you are doing right now is either taking you way from or towards your dreams. Goals help us navigate throughout our journey. Our goals are a reflection of who we are. 3. Greater Productivity and Focus. People with goals direct their day, instead of their day directing them. People with goals know their desired outcome and are less likely to waste time on unimportant matters. When you know your outcome, you avoid distraction. You understand the people and pursuits that feed your desires and those that do not. You know where to invest your time and energy. You also learn where NOT to spend your time. 4. Greater Personal Growth. Each time you pursue a new goal outside your comfort zone, you contribute to your own personal growth and advancement. Pursuing goals causes you to stretch and learn about yourself and the world around you. What was once difficult often becomes easier and you long to conquer new heights. Nothing in the world will give you a zest for life like consistent growth. 5. Higher Quality of Life. Quite simply, people who have goals get more out of life. The more life you give to your goals, the more your goals give life to you. Having goals means you value your time and make the most of it. When you know what you want and have a plan to get there, the journey is a lot more fun than having no goals and no plans. Having goals makes life easier. People who set goals are happier and more fulfilled. When you are happy and fulfilled you take loving care of yourself and have more of yourself to give to the people you love. Happy, fulfilled people attract other happy and fulfilled people. 6. You Attract a Higher Quality Peer Group. People who have goals and are moving towards them are energized and full of life. When you have goals for your life, you attract other people who have goals of their own. And we are well aware of the power of association. You become like the people you hang around. 7. Increased Confidence and Self Esteem. Each time you make a commitment to a goal and invest the very best of yourself towards it's attainment, you gain more confidence and self esteem, regardless of whether or not you achieve the goal. Your subconscious mind knows that you gave your all and that strengthens your confidence muscle. Progressive action always leads to growth and greater fulfillment. People that do not set goals never venture outside of their comfort zone. Deep down they know they are not realizing their potential and feel bad about themselves. People with goals are fully alive and dare to take risks that elevate their place in life. Whether they win or lose, they learn and grow. 8. Contribution to Others. Whether or not you know it, someone looks up to you. If you have children of your own, they are like little sponges, absorbing the words you speak and the actions you take. Your behaviors serve as model to the people around you. Maybe it's your sibling, a coworker or even a kid down the street, someone looks up to you. Every time you set a goal and act on it, you serve as a shining example of a person who is moving towards realizing your full potential in life. Whenever you pursue a goal, you inspire others to do the same. 9. Goals Help You Become a Better Person. Don't set goals for what you can get. Set goals for what they will make of you. Set goals for who you become along the way. People who set goals and follow through, develop the skill of overcoming obstacles. People who follow through on their goals and commitments develop an inner strength and unshakable character. People who do NOT set goals never discover how great they can become. They never awaken their dormant gifts and talents. Whenever you set and commit to a goal and follow through on your commitment, you strengthen your character and personal integrity. And finally what is perhaps the biggest benefit of setting and pursuing goals... 10. For the benefit each individual goal will bring to your life. As you begin to master the art of goal setting, every goal you set brings it's own unique positive result or benefit to your life. When I work with private coaching clients, before they set a goal, I ask them to determine 10 deeply compelling, personal reasons why they must achieve the goal they are considering setting. When you do this, you give yourself all the clarity and motivation you need to fuel you beyond obstacles, all the way through to the goal's completion. If you cannot identify the benefits in advance, you probably would not bother setting the goal the first place. You can visualize your outcome by reveling in the results before they occur. So if you have not given yourself the gift of learning the art of goal setting, perhaps it's time. By moving towards our ideal we are igniting the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

CONTROLLING THOUGHTS

2011-11-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

I have just been away on a conference and had plenty of time to think about the power of our thoughts. Whats the difference between the person who makes something of their lives and someone who just drifts along? The drifter makes no attempt to discipline or control his thoughts, and he never learns the difference between positive thinking and negative thinking. He allows his mind to drift with any stray thought which may float into it. People who drift in connection with their thought habits are sure to drift on other subjects as well. In an allegorical account of an interview with the devil it was stated that the devil said he feared nothing except that the world might sometime produce a thinker who would use his own mind, adding significantly that he controlled all drifters who neglected to use their own minds. The devil is not the only individual who exploits the drifter. And the drifter is the victim not only of all those who wish to exploit him, but he is also the victim of all the stray, negative thoughts which park themselves in his mind. The non-drifter takes full possession of his own mind through self-discipline, and organizes definite plans and purposes. He directs his mind to whatever ends he desires, and he keeps his mind occupied with the things he wants and off the things he does not want. A positive mental attitude is the first and the most important of the twelve riches of life, and it cannot be attained by the drifter. It can be attained only by a scrupulous regard for time, through habits of self-discipline. No amount of time devoted to one's occupation can compensate for the benefits of a positive mental attitude, for this is the power which makes the use of time effective and productive. A positive mental attitude does not grow voluntarily, like the weeds of the fields. It requires cultivation, through carefully disciplined habits of thoughts. And the greatest of all training grounds for the cultivation of a positive mental attitude is provided by one's chosen occupation, where he spends the greatest part of his life. Here you may combine your efforts to make them financially productive and to develop a positive mental attitude. When you get your own thought habits under control, you will have yourself under control, but you cannot do it by drifting. Organize your thoughts. Decide what you want, to what position in life you aspire. Then plan ways and means to express your thoughts, in terms of organized action. Follow through with applied faith and unremitting persistence. This is the means by which you can become the master of your fate, the captain of your soul. Waste no time worrying about what others may think. The important thing is what you think and do. Its the key to igniting our own inner fire. Igniting lives on fire. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

WORKING TOGETHER

2011-11-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

I work with a great bunch of people and I believe that is because we all bring a similar attitude to each other. However it isn't always like that, so what makes the difference? Napoleon Hill comments: Willing cooperation produces enduring power, while forced cooperation ends in failure. No civilization based upon the unfair treatment of its people has ever endured. Someone may force the cooperation of others for a time, but that power is never sustained. Only when people are accorded the respect they deserve do they willingly create and maintain successful organizations and societies. When you build a company or an organization based on fairness and justice for every member, you have built a power that will long endure. The best way to secure the commitment and unending cooperation of others is through the simple application of the Golden Rule. It is the most successful and long-lasting management theory ever developed. When you treat others as you would like to be treated were you in their situation, you will inspire loyalty and enthusiastic cooperation. Set high standards for yourself and others, treat them well, let them do their jobs, and they will perform miracles for you. Ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

How to create joy each day?

2011-10-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

I was in a meeting last night and we were talking about what we know and don't know. While it seems easier for some people to smile and always seem happy, I got thinking that people who might not smile as often and seem distracted may not have had the time to look at how to bring joy into their l;ives each day. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo F. Buscaglia Actually, there isn’t any art behind it. Just that you were born to be happy, and you can show this happiness with that beautiful smile of yours. C’mon! Let’s see it. Okay, good. To some extent, we all know how to spot a genuine smile, basically this formula: Genuine Smile = Crinkly Eyes We are all sensitive to this genuine scale, so why then is it that when we cross paths with a stranger or casual acquaintance in the elevator, we give them a fake smile? That ‘polite smile’. You know what I’m talking about (don’t get me wrong, I do this too, unconscious at grocery stores, on streets, while waiting for something.). The lesson? Smile with your eyes! Feel it genuinely and it will come out naturally. Extras: check out this quick interactive quiz from BBC to test out your ability to spot the difference between a real smile and a fake one. Note: I am now smiling as I write this article. I love it! Thank you for reading and allowing me to express myself creatively. A smile is so simple, yet so powerful. Some noticeable effects of externalizing your internal joy are: People will be attracted to you – I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. People on the street, at work, your friends etc. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right? Optimistic – You’ll feel more positive about yourself and the world. Happiness & Joy – A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost the happiness you feel. Healthy – A smile can affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health. Approachable – A smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease. Making Other People Happy – A smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly. Smiles Are Contagious – Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the above ‘side effects’. Take The Smiling Challenge! Smile at Strangers -You know those times when we cross paths with a stranger or accidentally catch someone’s gaze, and we (both) would suddenly look away in awkwardness or pretend we are looking at something else? Well, the challenge is to give them a big smile. A genuine smile, showing teeth and everything. Deepak Chopra talks about giving each person you encounter a small gift. I do this with a smile. Why not? It doesn’t cost us anything. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than feeling awkward and pretending you’re not there.I also love to see people’s reactions when you smile at them, and they aren’t expecting it. Some blush, and others are surprised and smile back, which makes me feel all warm inside. Smile at Work -Living under a routine, we can easily be in a zombie-like state when coming into work. We zip into work quickly following the same routines we’ve habituated. Our target is to get to work, and we can sometimes forget about the people around us, in other cubes/offices/departments. So, the challenge is to practice beaming with smile as you come into work. Smile genuinely with people you meet. Be completely pleased to see them. Make it a focus for the day, to bring more happiness into the lives of others. Ask them genuinely and infused with energy, “How are ya?” “How was your weekend?” Watch the smiles surface on their face. A Small Compliment with Your Smile -When meeting or encountering people. Look for things you admire or like about them, however small, let them know. A small genuine compliment can go a long way to lift people’s spirits. I’ve found it useful to be conscious of things that make me smile. You might want to spend a few minutes making a list of things that brings a smile to your face. Some Moments That Make Me Smile are: When Zippy (my 10 week Jack Russel) growls me for not getting her into the room (She's only 10-12 cm tall and I am 6foot). When I practice gratitude ‘sessions’ When I reach mini goals throughout the day. When I read comments left by readers. More Tips To Bring Smiles into Your Life Smiling Journal – For two weeks, record the moments that brought out your wonderful smile. If you are ever feel down, flip through this book to be reminded of things that make you smile. Experience those moments and notice your state shift to a positive one. You cannot be both angry and smiling at the same time. I learned in physiological psychology that if the physical action conflicts with that of your feeling, the feeling inside will shift to match that of your outer sensation. One way to shift your emotion is to change your physiology.A journal will bring smiles through noticing the good things as well. Appreciation – Identify things that you are grateful for. Then focus on those things as much as possible. Humor – Make a point to watch a comedy movie. To go a comedy club. Hang out with people who make you laugh. Go On a Self Date – When we feel more connected with ourselves, we feel more joy and tend to naturally smile more. Find Innocence - Observe a small child or a pet at play with total ease and freedom. Watch their innocence, enjoy their presence and yours. Are you smiling? Do you feel happy for them? That’s because you are connecting with the same innocence within yourself. What makes you smile? Who made you smile today? Share your joy and happiness in a comment! See you there. *smiles* Ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I MUCK UP?

2011-10-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

The other day I spoke about making mistakes. While making a mistake isn't bad, repeating the same one over and over is. We must learn from the things we do. Your failure may prove to be an asset, provided you know why you failed. There are a few occasions during our brief time on earth when most of us experience great flashes of insight, great moments of truth that forever change the course of our lives. Most of those experiences result from spectacular failures, not from outstanding successes. It is from the failures that so tested and dismayed us that we learn the most lasting lessons. When you are the unwilling recipient of a great moment of truth, extract the useful lessons and then put the entire episode behind you. Learn from your failures, forget about them, and move on to better things. Take time today to think over what you have done throughout he day. SAsk yourself what worked and what could I have done better. Igniting the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Learn from your mistakes

2011-10-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

If you don’t know why you failed, you are no wiser than when you began. There’s an old saying that those who refuse to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. So it is with our failures. Unless we learn from our mistakes, we are likely to repeat them until we learn from such experiences and correct our course-or give up and accept temporary defeat as permanent failure. Every setback you encounter in life contains valuable information that, if you study it carefully, will eventually lead you to success. Without adversity, you would never develop wisdom, and without wisdom, success would be short lived indeed. When you make a mistake, say, “That’s good! I’ve gotten that out of the way. I will never do that again.” You will no doubt make other mistakes, but they won’t bother you nearly as much when you treat them as learning experiences. By learning from our mistakes we are one step closer to knowing what ignites our fire. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Clarity of Focus

STEPS TO SUCCESS IN 2012

Make Your Resolutions a Reality

Happy New Year!

Every year you set new goals for yourself. If you’re like most people, by February, your resolve is waning, and by May you don’t even remember your resolutions. Then, on Dec. 31, you berate yourself saying, How did I waste a whole year?

TIME IS TICKING

Clock of TimeBy Napoleon Hill

LEARN FROM FAILURE

Failure is Good

Abandonment

Habits are Powerful

Whose Report will you believe?

NO MORE EXCUSES

HOW TO MAKE IT COUNT!!

CAN I START AGAIN?

Defining Success

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS

EFFECTIVE CONVERSATIONS

Are you using your talents?

Keys to Success

COMMUNICATION

TEAM WORK!!

How to get friends

BENEFITS OF SETTING GOALS

CONTROLLING THOUGHTS

WORKING TOGETHER

How to create joy each day?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I MUCK UP?

Learn from your mistakes

Clock of Time
By Napoleon Hill