Taking the Long Way

Same Girl, New Location

2009-04-30T16:56:00.002-04:00

Hey all! I hope you have all been happy and healthy during my hiatus. I had some difficult family stuff to take care of in the past few months. Everyone is now happy and on the road to recovery, so it's all good. Except for the part where I got laid off a month ago. But, I have come back to my blogging roots and today I've started a new blog about life right now. Same girl. Same issues. New location. Please come visit me at:

"Meet me at the corner of 79th & Whine" virtually located at http://79thandwhine.blogspot.com/

kisses!

Trixie

I'll Be Back ...

2009-01-17T19:26:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm going on hiatus for a while. There are some personal things I need to take care of.

I wish you all the best at whatever you are striving to achieve.

Be happy & healthy

Trixie

p.s. I do intend to come back, just not sure when.

Coming Full Circle: Discovery Channel's National Body Challenge

2009-01-11T21:42:00.003-05:00

Hey all, I'm doing a little publicity for the Discovery Channel's National Body Challenge.

National Body Challenge is a FREE, comprehensive fitness and weight-loss challenge that provides the tools and inspiration - online, on television and beyond. Among the offerings include a free 30-day pass to Bally Total Fitness, access to customizable meals and fitness plans, over 1,000 healthy recipes and more.

A contact at their interactive agency contacted me to write a post about the program. But, I'm not posting just because someone contacted me. I actually worked for the Discovery Health Channel a few years ago and learned about this program from the inside out. They put a lot of effort into making it comprehensive and motivating. Actually, that is where I learned about blogs, especially health and weight loss blogs, and what motivated me to start my blog. I wouldn't say that working there made me want to lose weight, it was just the right place at the right time I suppose. So, to be contacted by them to promote this program, is just a lovely way to come full circle. (And I realize that by sharing this information, they may realize who I am in "real life," but I think I'm okay with that.)

So, I'll also update you later this week on some of the interesting information I find on the site.

My "SMART" Goals for 2009

2009-01-06T21:53:00.003-05:00

Weekly Weigh-in:
143 lbs. @ WW on Saturday, January 3rd
145 lbs. @ home on Tuesday, January 6th

Goals for 2009
Yep, it's my turn ... I figure one woman's resolution is another woman's goal, so today I think I'm ready to share my goals for 2009. Over the years I've learned that one should create S.M.A.R.T. goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, & Timely).

* Keep off 100% of original weight lost (82.8 lbs. lost - 141 lbs. goal)
It's specific, measurable (I got the scale now!), attainable (I kept off 97.8% in 2008!), relevant (d*mn straight!) and timely.

* Aerobic exercise 3x per week for at least 30 minutes (does not include my daily walking)
It's specific, measurable (the handy clock feature on my iPod), attainable (I keep repeating to myself, "I will join a gym", "I will join a gym"), relevant (need to stay healthy).

* Count points on a daily basis
I need to do this to stay accountable to my 1) portion sizes (which were always my downfall) and 2) my intake of fruits and vegetables and water (none of which I currently get enough of)

* Go to WW meeting every Saturday
This is really something I enjoy and find comforting. I crave structure and I like knowing I'll see familiar faces and my meeting leader, even if the crazy receptionist told me to "be careful" when she saw I was 2 lbs. above my goal weight! Yessh! (And it keeps me accountable.)

* Work related: Get 2 "exceeded expectations" and 1 "did not meet expectations" on next formal evaluation. I know this doesn't sound like a very challenging goal, but my company sets uber high standards.

* Post 4x per Week on my Blog/ Visit my fave blogs 4x per Week:
I see this as a selfish goal. I have missed being an active part of this community - I am so much happier when I make time for this. It has been interesting going from being a grad student, to unemployed to now working 50-60 hours per week and trying to keep my life trucking along. I am seeking balance my friends.

* Join 1 new club this year
It could be a new book club, a co-ed sports club, Road Runners, volunteering ... again, I need balance in my life, renewal, not just because of my job, but because my two closest friends are moving out of NYC this year: one is pregnant with twins (her 2nd and 3rd) and is moving to the (faraway) suburbs and the other has ailing parents and is looking to move back to her hometown (100's of miles away). I need to force myself to make more connections.

Okay my friends, there it is. 2008 was a wonderful, roller coaster of a year - things weren't always great, but they were 100x better than they have been in the last 5 years, if not longer.

Here's to 2009! Cheers!

2009 ...

2009-01-04T11:47:00.003-05:00

I was reading a post by Kim over at Discovering Me and it made me think ... what do I want 2009 to be for me? I guess I have to agree with her that I am a little fearful of what 2009 will bring. Not fear in the sense of anything bad - although that's always possible - but the fear one commenter mentioned of not knowing.

I think it would be good for me to come up with some measurable goals for myself for 2009. I suppose I should also look back at 2008 and see how far I've come. Wow. I don't know what I'm so scared of, but I feel like I'm on top of a mountain, peering alternately over the edge to the landscape down below and up at the sky and mountain tops surrounding me - a lot like I felt when I used to hike in Las Vegas. It's a weird feeling - full of promise and hope. I kinda like the sound of that. It sounds like a nice way to start off the new year :)

Family Stress, Holiday Stress

2008-12-30T22:02:00.004-05:00

Ugh, Christmas! I thought I did well on the eating front, but really, let's not kid a kidder: stuffing, gravy, chocolate mousse, my favorite beer , deep dish pizza ... the list goes on and on and on.

I tried to pick my battles and make healthy choices (steamed scallops at the Chinese restaurant, rare tuna an arugula without dressing), and make every unhealthy choice one I would enjoy, but inevitably, sometimes the "oh, just this once because it's the holidays" doesn't end up tasting all that great. But, you're hungry and haven't eaten in hours and grandma is driving you batty because she doesn't understand the concept of 3 hour lunches with your friends, so you just pick something that will comfort you. Ahh, yes, comfort food. I didn't realize until I'd ordered a burger and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight that all the family stress from the holidays had finally pushed me over into stress eating. I don't, really as a rule, eat out of stress or boredom. Some how, some blessed way, I have managed to navigate the weight loss terrain for over 2 years without eating to relieve my stress about graduate school, or not having a job, or not dating, or trying to date after a decade on the couch (literally and figuratively), or not having any money, or moving across the country, or moving back across the country, or starting a new job, or managing new employees, or dealing with new clients, or finding a new apartment (but in a building that's being renovated, hello - no cable again for the 3rd time in 3 months!) . . .

But now, after the 6 days I spent with my parents and grandmother, I am stress eating. My choices today were ridiculous. I had a bagel for breakfast, no lunch, sucked down pretzel and diet Coke like it was my job, and then opted for the burger and mashed potatoes (oh, I forgot the escargot soaked in garlic butter - I was at a French bistro). I did manage to only have two beers, but I did have cappuccino, and trust me, this joint doesn't even have skim milk on the premises (I also overheard another well-meaning young woman next to me ask for it and be rebuffed). It took like over 2 years for me to find my stress eating trigger - family drama. You'd have thought it would have come out before seeing as I lived with my parents for 4 months earlier this year, but hey, we had casinos in Vegas, so I guess that's how I dealt with my stress. Oh, yeah, and hiking and running and walking. Oops. Forgot about the exercise. Guess that's a good way to deal with things. (Insert hand slapping forehead here.)

So, on New Year's Eve morning, I would LOVE to resolve to go running ... for the first time in - let's count together - 1, 2, 3, okay, about 3 months. (The last time I remember running it was when I was at a conference in Texas at the end of September.) But, I just checked weather.com and discovered that it will be raining/snowing tomorrow. Ugh! But! I also got the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD from Netflix yesterday (thanks for the suggestions!) so, I can test drive that tomorrow morning. (Saturday and Sunday look like they might be dry possibilities for running outside. Still not sure about spending $80+ a month for a gym membership.)

So, my friends, I am off to have a nice cup of coffee before bed. I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, but I find a nice cup of hazelnut coffee quite relaxing. I should have planned ahead and gotten decaf for times like these, but hey, I like to live dangerously.

P.S.

I have to say, after this Christmas, I now understand why there is the "my family is crazy, especially during the holidays" genre. I knew those movies were around, but never fully appreciated them until this year. My recommendation if you want to partake in this genre, try Jodie Foster's (1995) Home for the Holidays. I haven't seen it in years, but I think I might just get it from Netflix.

Love Actually Insults (The Movie)

2008-12-20T23:04:00.004-05:00

Weekly Weigh-in:

142.8 lbs. @ WW on Saturday, Dec. 20th

144.8 lbs. @ home on Saturday, Dec. 20th

So, that 2 lb. difference is a little weird, I'm not used to weighing myself at home AND at WW, but I'm still down from last week, so I'll take 142 or 144 :)

I just watched what I would like to call a sweet movie about different kinds of love - Love Actually. I haven't seen it since I saw it in the movie theatre years ago. (I pretty much see anything Colin Firth is in - I'm a HUGE fan of the BBC's version of Pride & Prejudice from the 90's - swoon!) It was really quite lovely in some ways, but in others, it was a little disturbing. Then tended to demonize overweight women. The character Hugh Grant's character is in love with is called "plumpy" by her parents (a childhood nickname) and said she broke up with her boyfriend because he said she was getting fat! Meanwhile the actress looked healthy. This disturbed me because what if some people really thought she was overweight? No one really clarified the fact that her boyfriend was batty for talking about her weight. Then there was another character who had an overweight sister. This time Colin Firth's character shows up at the girl's doorstep and asks her father for her hand in marriage. Of course the "joke" is that this girl isn't home - but her overweight sister is standing in the background, and Colin's character couldn't POSSIBLY mean her. I also found out that they cut another scene out of the American version that's in the British version where a guy, who until this scene pretty much as an unrequited crush on Keira Knightly's character, fat. Ugh! It never stops! I don't understand why a perfectly lovely movie had to lower itself to such tired and inaccurate stereotypes. I'm in my own living room, alone, and yet I still winced at these scenes. And really, what are they thinking - it's a romcom - their market are WOMEN! - so why make so many of them uncomfortable? why insult so many of them? why do we put up with it?

On a happier note, I got most of my stuff done today. I'm buying the tea tomorrow because Starbucks was crazy, but I found it at my corner market, so I'm going back tomorrow. I also need rain boots because when it snows here GIGANTIC puddles form that make it impossible to get from the sideway to the street without wadding through puddles about 2-3 feet wide.

On an unhappier note, I just don't feel like doing work tomorrow. Partially because I should have delegated all of this to my team, but they say they are working at capacity, so it falls to me if I want it to get done. And, in the end, I want it to get done. I guess I should be happy I'm on vacation from Tuesday-Monday. It's the first real vacation I've take since I started at the end of April. Let's see if I can stay off the computer for work for 7 days straight! So, I'll work a little tomorrow and a lot Monday and then relax! :)

MizFit's Raising Money for a Domestic Violence Shelter

2008-12-19T11:00:00.004-05:00

I found MizFit's blog through Lynn and MizFit is doing a wonderful thing ...

For every comment she receives on this post, she'll donate 10 cents to Safeplace, a local domestic violence shelter.

What a wonderful idea! I actually live next to a shelter for women and their children and I think this is such an important thing.

I've decided I'm going to do a partial match ... I'm going to match 15% of whatever MizFit raises on her blog. Sorry it's not more, but it's all I can manage at this point.

So, what are you waiting for ... go on over to MizFit and comment! :)

Pretzels & Points

2008-12-17T19:29:00.003-05:00

Ugh, counting points! I am sitting here sucking down pretzels and being terrible because I haven't counted out my portions. I forgot how hard it is to start something you haven't done in 6 months. Counting points is hard, man. I started again after my WW meeting on Saturday and I'm having a difficult time of it. I don't want to pay for eTools, but the paper booklets are too old school for me, so I made a spreadsheet in Excel. But, it requires being at home and not having pretzels in my hand. I can't say I was shocked that I ate/drank 50+ points on Saturday, but man is it still hard to see. But, that's why I'm back to counting points. The funny thing is that I don't resent it. I thought I would, but I don't. I figure, it worked for me before, it should work again. But, it's not like I was successful at WW my first week the first time I started counting points, so while I have to admit I thought I would see a big loss this week, I'm realizing that's not going to be the case. (That and I weighed myself yesterday and realized I was exactly the same weight I was on Saturday. Not bad, but not what I was looking for.)

Thanks for your ideas on how to work out in the winter. I am going to try to swing joining a gym. I think it will also be good in a sort of "social" way. I know that no one really makes friends at the gym, but its nice to be out and among people and I really haven't made any new friends since I moved back to NYC. I joined my friend's book group, but I only see those women like once a month or every other month. This week is a little lonely until I leave next Tuesday for Christmas. I have literally 3 friends I see with varying frequency. My one friend I see once or twice a week is already gone for the holidays, my other friend has a 2 year old and is pregnant with twins, and my other friend is leaving on Saturday for Texas. So, I'm trying to figure out how to spend my weekend without going stir crazy. I know all of you out there with kids and hectic lives hate me right about now, but my life isn't totally boring. It is 7:45pm and I still have 2 hours more of work to do tonight. Here's my plan for the weekend:

Saturday:
* Long walk to library for pick-up/drop-off
* Pick up dry cleaning
* Renew cell phone plan/ set up texting, etc.
* Buy red cable knit sweater dress with hood at BabyGap for niece
* Buy/make tea basket for staff at work (we all sit in the same room, so I thought it would be nice to share)

Sunday:
* Join gym
* Sign-up at ASPCA to do volunteer training in January
* Do some work (I'll be out Tuesday and Wednesday next week and the following Monday)

Attention of a Member of the Male Species

2008-12-14T17:10:00.002-05:00

Weigh-in:
145.4 lbs. @ WW on Sat. Dec. 13th
145.0 lbs. @ home on Sun. Dec. 14th

So, I'm taking down the running tool bar since I'm obviously not even ATTEMPTING to run 10 miles by Dec. 31st - sad, but true.

My new weight goal is to get back to 138 lbs. I've decided on this because I felt comfortable in my skin between around 135 lbs. from January - June this year, but when I saw pictures of me in May, I thought I looked creepy and too skeletal. (My mom says I'm crazy and that I just need to get used to a new face, but hey, it's my opinion that counts, right? And, to be honest, I miss my old face :( So, I've upped my new set point to 138 lbs. It's also obviously closer to my original goal of 141 lbs. But, I don't want it to become all about 3 lbs. here and 2 lbs. here. I just don't want to regain everything. My new fave WW meeting leader Hal said that they would be willing to reset my goal weight without me re-joining - because according to the new WW guidelines you have to be within 2 lbs. above, or below, your goal weight to be Lifetime. Sucks, but I guess it's a good problem to have?

So, I have been dipping my toe into the waters of dating and interacting with the men folk around town. It's very interesting. I had a set-up that went badly, but with my new found self-confidence I didn't blame myself, or even care if he thought I was attractive, intelligent, interesting ... (insert adjective I'm insecure about here). And while I have told every other woman the hilarious tale of how it went, when my friend asked how it went (it was actually a friend of hers husband who I met at a wedding 4 years ago who suggested the set up), I just politely emailed, "unfortunately, we weren't a good match." and left it at that. No need for him to ever potentially find out how insane I think he is, since that would be mean. Now there's a guy in my work life I'm interested in, but that could turn out very badly, so I am treading lightly in that direction. The good thing is that I have evidently shaken off the immature notions of being attracted to guys who are: inaccessible, players, cocky, etc. and I find myself only interested in guys who are, shock of all shocks, NICE to me. It is nice to actually trust myself again, a little bit anyway, that I am not interested in guys just because I find them attractive. They actually have to show some interest in me and treat me nicely for me to be interested in them. (Trust me, I am the classic doormat who never thinks she deserves for a guy to like her and ends up putting herself in situations and picking guys who don't really like her, just to prove to herself that I don't deserve the interest of any guy.) I don't have any more dates lined up, but that's okay. I need to take baby steps with this. Believe it or not, phone conversations, chats in the hallway and emails are still very hard for me. This is an arena I have no experience with. I am not exaggerating when I say that set-up was the first "date" I have had in 10 years. Can you believe that? A decade sitting on my freakin couch. What a waste.

Looking for Winter Work-Out Ideas

2008-12-13T11:40:00.004-05:00

Hey all,

So ... I need your, and your friends, collective wisdom on ideas for working out in the winter in a city. Here's the current state of affairs:

* I'm having an incredibly tough time motivating getting up in the morning to run in the park

* I already walk about a mile on weekdays as part of my commute, and 2-3 miles each day on the weekends. (Not that I'm against more walking.)

* I have about 6 foot wide, 4 foot deep space between my couch and my TV in which to move in my apartment. Otherwise, I'd be jazzercizing in my kitchen.

* Don't have a ton of money right now, especially since I just started going back to WW and I'm above my goal weight, so even though I'm Lifetime, I have to pay that pesky per meeting fee.

So, with all those annoying parameters, any ideas on how I can get my a** moving this winter? One thing to know about me, I lurve walking around and living in the city, so for the most part, it isn't hard for me to get out of the house, even in bad weather. Although, I will ask you all if you have found that after you've lost weight, you are colder in the winter. I swear I have never remembered being this cold in my whole life. I am guessing it is because I lost my extra layer. But is that even logical? I don't know how the whole thing works.

All suggestions are welcome!

p.s. Yes, here is my favorite photo of my new niece. This was her Halloween costume :)

There is No Such Thing as "Heat & Hot Water Included"

2008-12-09T20:07:00.004-05:00

146.4 lbs. @ WW on Saturday, 12/6
143.2 lbs. @ home on Tuesday, 12/9 (it's all about being sick)

I'm late for my weekly weigh-in, sorry. To be honest, Sunday I was hung-over (pretty atypical for me, but I think it was worth it) and Monday there was no heat in my apartment and I got sick. Ugh! One good thing about this whole weight loss thing is that I haven't been sick in like forever. Seriously, I remember wussing out one morning and not teaching last fall, but before that I think the last time I was actually sick and couldn't make it to class/work/etc. was the fall of 2006. I have been super lucky health-wise. Alas, my crappy apartment building is under construction and the heat and hot water are unreliable to say the least.

Okay, so I did make it to WW on Saturday and I'm really glad I did. There are some really wonderful women at that meeting and I feel really comfortable with them. One beats herself up so much for wanting to lose weight, and I just feel so bad for her. She says its because she has so little overall to lose that she feels guilty. Honestly, she's been near tears at the past two meetings I've been to, so how can you be upset with her? And the things she worries about are so universal that we all understand where she is coming from. (Of course there is also the obligatory crazy lady who talks a lot, but that is New York for you, and she's a story for another time.)

I have learned that I need to start tracking again. I don't know if I'm ready to start counting points again, but I definitely need to start writing things down. I always found that so comforting when I tracked and now, ugh!, but I know I should. I was going to join Road Runners - they start classes again in January. And then, on the way to work yesterday, walking the 10 blocks in daylight, I was like, really, running at night in New York in January and February? After winter last year in Las Vegas? I don't think I can do it. I know I'm a wuss (okay, twice I've used that word during this post!), but I just don't think I can do it.

Okay, I'm off to weigh myself in the bathroom. I'll post it at the top. Ugh!

Full Thanksgiving Disclosure

2008-11-30T23:07:00.002-05:00

Just to be official since it's Sunday, my weekly weigh-in at home day ...

145.6 lbs. - Sunday, Nov. 30th at home

GBU Thanksgiving with the Parents

2008-11-29T15:00:00.004-05:00

So, I packed my parents up and they were back on the road to Virginia about 3 hours ago. Without traffic they should be home in an hour and a half, which was the whole reason they left today and not tomorrow. So in honor of Mouse, I'm doing my version of the good and the bad and the ugly for Thanksgiving:

The Good: I had a lovely time with them. My Mom and I went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and were so close we high fiving all the people dressed as clowns (or toast and pats of butter!) that were walking in the parade. We were about 4 people back from the baracade and by the time Santa's float came with the people dressed as elves and Christmas trees we were up front (see video below). It was awesome and worth standing in the cold from 6:30am until the parade started at 9:00am with all the other nice and crazy people.

The Bad:Unfortunately, my Dad only wanted to leave my apartment for smoke breaks and to walk to dinner. And he is having such a hard time walking. It is not good. He's been in Virginia since September and still hasn't seen a doctor about his emphasema and he's on a nebulizer, but still continues to smoke. My family, unfortuately is not good at tough love, so no one is stopping him. It is so sad when he makes the excuse to take a cab home from dinner (9 blocks away) because he ate too much instead of admitting he can't breathe when he walks. Ugh! How do you give parents tough love about their health?

The Ugly: I didn't have heat or hot water in my apartment from Wednesday night until Friday night. My Mom and I had to go to a friend's apartment to shower and my super in my building made me feel guilty and like it was my fault I didn't have hot water. So sad. Have I mentioned I hate conflict. :(

On the Wagon?

2008-11-23T23:06:00.004-05:00

144.6 lbs. - Saturday, Nov. 22 @ WW
145.2 lbs. - Sunday, Nov. 23 @ home

So, I went to a WW meeting yesterday for the first time in months. I knew I was above my goal weight, because I was prepared after buying my scale last week, which was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Although I think I have gone to this location one too many times saying, "Hi, I'm a Lifetime member, but I haven't been here in a few months and I know I'm above my goal weight."

So, I really liked the WW leader at yesterday's meeting. He has obviously been doing this for a while. He was engaging and funny and supportive. I don't know what it is about male WW leaders, but I think I found my new Melvin. This guy's name is Hal. He asked what we were thankful for and I said that I knew it was corny, but that I was thankful WW is national because I've been moving around a lot, but I've always been able to come back to WW and a supportive environment. (I skipped over the crazy ladies in Las Vegas who said that everyone at our meeting had a food addiction.) He also made me realize that I've kept off over 95% of the weight I lost for a year. I had been hung up on the fact that I've gained since getting down to 135 lbs., but I hadn't been paying attention that I've actually kept off the weight for a whole frackin year! Now I really feel like I have something to celebrate! I'm thinking again of getting something to commemorate this milestone. Any ideas?

If you look at the weight from last week to this week, I lost about 1/2 a pound. That works for me. I made really healthy choices until last night. Actually, the food wasn't the problem, it was the beer. Beer is my downfall. I love good beer. I had Harpoon Winter Ale last night. Unfortunately I'm still not used to not being able to drink as much as my friend who is heavier than I am. My body just doesn't metabolise alcohol like it used to. I think I am going to have to practice portion control like I do with food. It makes sense. Has anyone else had a similar problem after losing a significant amount of weight?

Tales from the Scale

2008-11-22T11:30:00.003-05:00

145.8 lbs. - Sunday, Nov. 16

Yep, that's the current #. Not an official WW number. I actually broke down and bought a scale! I have NEVER owned a scale. My mom has always had one in her bathroom, so I went through phases growing up when I would weigh myself, but never as part of a weight loss project. And surprisingly, in my tiny bathroom, it does not bother me that it is front and center. It just sort of blends in. I've only felt compelled to weigh myself twice since that first time - I don't think I'll ever become an "every morning" weigher, but stranger things have happened.

So, I haven't decided when I am going to weigh myself every week. I am still thinking about going to WW meetings each week. I should check the schedule for today, since it is Saturday, but I woke up super late (10:46 AM!) so I am all out of whack with plans for today. (The heat isn't on in my apartment, so I think that contributed to my extended slumber.) I do like the 8pm meetings on Wednesday nights, but I forgot last week (gotta add it to my work calendar) and this week my parents will be here. I still miss the camaradie of being around people with the same goal - hopefully I will find that again.

Okay, so how do I feel about the new number? Not that bad. The last time I was weighed at WW I was 144, so 145.8 isn't as bad as what I was expecting - if you recall, I was worried I had made it back into the 150's (not that there's generally anything wrong with being in the 150's). So, now I am curious to see what I weigh tomorrow evening - starting a Sunday evening ritual I believe. The 145.8 is fully clothed with jeans. I know some people at my old WW location thought I was crazy to weigh myself in jeans, but that's how I started WW. It was August 2006 and at 224-ish pounds I was not comfortable wearing shorts (thighs rubbing together, not so much fun, neither is sweating through thin fabric), so I wore jeans all summer, as I had been doing pretty much every summer since college. So, since my first official weigh-in was in jeans, I never shyed away from that in the future. Consistency is our friend!

I will report the new number tomorrow. I did eat pretty well this week - chicken or sushi for dinner, Progresso chicken noodle soup for lunch. I had 2 bagels because I was in a rush, but no beer since last Saturday night and last night I munched on my own edamame (originally frozen from the grocery store) and was super happy as I waited for my sushi to arrive. But, alas, I got in zero exercise. I need to figure out how to get myself up in the morning before work since it is too dark to go to the park after work and I refuse to spend money on a gym membership (I did that for too many years while I was super overweight and just wasted money.)

Off to make more coffee!

Realizations

2008-11-16T14:51:00.002-05:00

So, I've come to a realization over the past week. Realizing that I need to start eating healthier. Realizing that I'm missing out on life because I am working too much. I'm not sure what I'm avoiding. But, I did this to myself when I lived in New York before. I only had food to look forward to. And we all know what happens when you do that. I think I've gained about 15 lbs. since I moved back. That's waaaay too much in just 6 months. At this rate, I'd gain back all the weight I've lost in a few years and that thought just makes me so sad. And I loved going to WW meetings. It was such a great weekly ritual. I stopped by my WW location to see what hours they have yesterday. I didn't have the guts to get weighed. I haven't gotten weighed in at least 2 months. I just don't think I could handle it if I'm in the 150's again. I know, I know. There's nothing wrong with being in the 150's, unless you worked so hard to lose that weight and you kept it off for at least 6 months. They seem to have late-ish hours on Wednesdays - there's a meeting at 8pm and it is a block away from the subway stop I get off at, so my plan is to get weighed, pay my money since I'm over my goal weight and stay for the meeting. Don't worry, I'll eat a late lunch and have a snack so that I'm not starving by the time I get home at 9pm!

Did you know that my 1 year anniversary for losing all the weight was technically yesterday. We'll, that was the date that last year I came in at/under my goal weight at my WW meeting. It's sad. I didn't celebrate. It felt wrong to celebrate a goal I haven't maintained. I do have a new goal. It is to be at my goal weight by the time my "lifetime" anniversary comes up in the beginning of January. I'm not sure if this is realistic since I don't know exactly how much I've gained, but my goal weight is actually about 6 lbs. higher than the weight I was maintaining when I first moved to New York, so I think it is doable. If I'm at like 150 or 151, I'd only have 10 or 11 lbs. to lose by early January. I think that's doable. I feel good about having a goal again. I think I need to get weighed every week. And I think I need to do it somewhere where I'm accountable. I don't think buying a scale would work. But, maybe it would. I don't know. What do you think? You know what, screw it. I am going to go out and buy a scale today. I've tried to live without one and maybe if I try to live with one I will be successful. I know it shouldn't be all about your weight. I have also started walking in the mornings and next week I'm planning to start running again. My focus has just been all off for the past few months. I've been working way too much. I need to figure out how to be committed to my job, but not only committed to my job. Any suggestions?

Baby, Baby!

2008-10-25T20:04:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my sister's pregnant. Actually, now there's a new little bundle of joy in this world! Yep, I'm an aunt. I'm super excited. I haven't met her yet, but we've "chatted" on the phone. She's got some lungs I'll tell ya. But I can tell she's very intelligent and has a dry sense of humor :) Just our kind of girl! I don't know if I'll get to share photos or not, I think her parents are a little blog-shy. Bummer. So, that's much more exciting than telling you all about the long hours I worked this week, or the not so good food choices I've been making. I'll let you know if she has any special talents. They tell me she is a really bright, has an amazing vocabularly for someone who is only one day old, is a mean arm wrestler and a very cute dresser - think patterned tights, mini skirts and wellies. okay, just kidding. but, that's what all the cool kids are wearing in New York, so you know she is going to Fashion Week when she's 13 if I have to steal the tickets! I'm an aunt! :)

Short, but Busy Week

2008-10-19T19:19:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I had Columbus Day off for like the first time in forever. (Granted, I wasn't working full-time for 3 years, but who's keeping track :). Anyway, I just had the longest week ever. It was crazy. I was so exhausted that I didn't wake up on Saturday AFTERNOON until 1:30! (I know, you guys out there with kids are about to kill me right now. Sorry.) I was supposed to do work all weekend, but I really only worked today. It was cool, I was just analyzing data on a survey I put together on potential slogans for an ad campaign. But, I didn't get much else done. C'est la vie, there's only so much work you can do in a day. I was also supposed to mock-up so ads, but I couldn't access the softward on remotely. Let's just hope I can access it tomorrow morning at work before my meeting! Eeek!

As a result of all this work, there's been stress and some poor food choices. I did pretty good, but I did have a ginormous burrito last night for dinner. Mexican food is my weakness. I was going to work out this week and weekend, but that didn't happen. I'm just resting up for what should be another busy week. I'd like to go for a walk/run before work tomorrow, but I need to get into the office by like 8:30am, so I can't imagine I'll be awake enough to get out of the house early enough to get a walk in. Maybe Tuesday morning. I know, maybe isn't a good word. I should make a comittment. And, you can see I didn't reach my 2 mile running goal this week. Maybe I can at least reach my goal of getting groceries! But, I have to be happy about the fact that I officially have cable and internet again - after 6 weeks in the dark. It is fabulous!

So, I resolve to keep making good choices whenever possible, have healthy snacks available when I want to make a bad choice, and not beat myself up when I do make a bad choice. Let's see how it goes! :)

National Weight Control Registry

2008-10-12T17:45:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I filled out the first set of forms for the National Weight Control Registry. You basically "apply" to join this research project through Brown University. I think you need to have kept 30 lbs. off for at least a year. It has been something I've always wanted to be a part of since I first saw a segment on it on some news magazine show on television years ago. I just think it is fascinating that a group is researching how people keep weight off. I just received a packet of surveys, which I believe I will get once a year for the next 5 years. They were pretty detailed. I'd say it took me about an hour to fill everything out. They also want a record of my weight losses, dates and why I lost the weight each time. That part is easy in a way. I just take the record of my losses from an Excel document I created when I stopped using WW online and tracking my weight. So, for about 2 years I have my weekly weight. It's funny because they only ask for about 15 dates. Too bad :), they'll get more information than they need :) They also give you space to write about your weight loss and how you feel about it, which I think is great. There's only so much correlations you can do with data without reading how people feel. I haven't written anything yet, I think I'm composing my thoughts first. I'm going to also mention my blog and encourage them to visit to learn more about me. I don't know if they will, but I think they should know how important blogging has been to me, and all of us, in our weight loss journeys. I hope I haven't given anything away, actually I don't think I signed a confidentiality document to say I wouldn't share what questions they asked. I don't have the surveys with me or I would give you some of the questions, but I'm not at home. (I still don't have internet at home - ugh! - so I'm at a friend's apartment who's away for the weekend.) But, in the future I'll share some of the questions.

Any way, take a look at their website and see if it is something you'd like to get involved with. I thought it was going to motivate me to stay at goal (I'm actually up a few pounds, as you all know :), but what it has actually done is make me proud of how far I've come and how long I've been here. My 1st anniversary at goal - and I will be back at goal for it! - is in a few months. I'm excited. I had started to get used to my new body, but lately I've just been going shopping to try clothes on because it is so strange to me. Bewildering actually. To believe this is my body. True, I've gained about 10 lbs. from my lowest weight to where I am now, but it is still so wholely different from where I was for so long. I'm sorry if I've said all this before. I know I have, but in some way it doesn't feel like it. It feels so new all of a sudden. I wonder why?

I'm Still Alive, and Blogging ...

2008-10-05T10:41:00.002-04:00

I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long. There has been a confluence of events that have kept me away. I was in Vegas taking care of my Dad before he moved to Virginia to be with my Mom. His health is okay, but he's just super lonely. I was working remotely from Vegas and taking care of him, hence, no time to blog. Then I got home and the day after I got back my cable and internet went out. That was over 4 weeks ago and the d*mn cable company still hasn't fixed the situation. I went ape sh*t on a customer service rep yesterday because my patience at this point is gone. So, I don't like to blog from work, and today is the first time I have broken down to pay for 2 hours of internet access at Starbucks. (D*mn Starbucks for no free wifi!) As you can tell from my language, I'm at the end of my rope these days.

I'd like to say everything else is going well, but it isn't. Now that fall is here I'd like to wear more pants, but I don't really fit into any of them. I lost about 5 lbs. a month ago, but either it wasn't enough, or I gained it back, because my pants don't fit. I refuse to buy a bigger size because I feel like that's a slippery slope, so I'm trying to lose weight. So, I'm wearing my skirts with tights. Not a bad plan. At least its comfy.

Overall, I'm a little afraid my depression is coming back. I've been seeing my old therapist on and off, but I can't afford to go on a regular basis (she doesn't take insurance). There are a couple other signs, but I'm not comfortable going into them. I'm just lonely and realizing that my job can't be my entire life, but I'm not sure how to get a life other than my job. Basically the same reason why I left New York 3 years ago to see what else was out there.

I'm so sorry I haven't been commenting on your blogs. I do miss you guys. Actually, I have a "friend" from work who's niece is obese and I told her I would recommend some blogs that I have liked, so don't be surprised if you get a new reader :)

Take care. I hope to be back soon and checking all of you out.

Trixie

It Happens to the Best of Us

2008-08-22T20:44:00.003-04:00

Yep, I'm up. 9.2 lbs. since mid-June to be precise. I knew I was up before I got weighed in today. My clothes had been feeling different. They still fit, but they felt different. And I ran a little bit yesterday morning and everything felt much jigglier than I remembered :) But, I'm not down about it. Yes, gaining almost 10 lbs. in 2 months is how I ended up obese in the first place, but now I can course correct. I knew I was making poor food choices, but I was in denial:

* I started having a piece of cake here or there when it was some one's birthday.
* I actually had McDonald's last week!
* I have been eating all together too many bagels lately. I started eating them again in Vegas, but usually only after hiking for 3 hours. Now I just eat them because it's morning!
* I've been eating a ton of pita too. And hummus. Both in proper portion are fine, but I haven't been measuring out portions, or even reading calorie and fat counts!
* And then there's the beer and the wine. I've been drinking too often. And sometimes its not even light beer.

And yes, I walk a lot, but I walked just as much when I lived here 75 lbs. ago. That just isn't going to cut it. I'm going running tomorrow morning. I may only be able to run for a minute, but I'm going to start again. I don't want to join a gym because for me its just a waste of money - I won't go often enough to make it worthwhile. But, maybe, just maybe, I can consistently go running. And, then of course, I need to start some resistance/weight training.

So, I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect. But I did measure out my hummus tonight and only had 1/2 a piece of pita. I'm just going to go back to taking it one day at a time. My new goal - lose 5 pounds in the next 4 weeks. That might be too ambitious, but if I was able to again that much in the same amount of time, maybe I can lose it too! :) But, I'm in this weight-loss game for the long haul. I'm just going to go back to what worked for me for so many months. Easier said than done, I know, but if I did it once, I can do it again!

Virginia is for Walking

2008-08-19T16:13:00.004-04:00

I just spent a lovely weekend with my mom in VA. We went for 3 walks - one around a neighborhood near where my sister lives (and be amused by all the McMansions and carefully trimmed lawns), one around Lake Fairfax and one on the W&OD trail. The picture above is from a "friends of the trail" website. It was great to be outside and among so much green for a change. I love my morning walks in NYC, but it was really great to have longer, greener trails, and some company :)

I have made a commitment to get weighed at WW this weekend, or sooner. I'm trying to find a place to get weighed before I go. I hate to say it, and you all know I never say anything negative about WW, but sometimes the receptionists aren't the most supportive people when you are up - especially, I assume because this hasn't happened before, if you are up above your goal weight when you have already been at lifetime. If I am above my goal weight, does that mean I have to rejoin again, or can I just keep coming and getting weighed? I really don't know how much I've gained. I'll let you know! (Full disclosure!) I even found my old WW meeting leader on Facebook. I had had his email address and then found him on the site. And I told him I was going to a meeting, so now I have to!

Ohhh! Good news! I got my consent forms from the National Weight Control Registry last week! You are supposed to provide proof of your weight loss in addition to signing all the consent forms to be in the study (and, separately, agree to have reporters call you for interviews). You can either send in photos documenting your weight loss, a contact like a doctor or WW meeting leader, or documentation like our books that record our weekly weights at WW. I'm going to opt for the last option, since it is the most accurate, comprehensive and doesn't require any work by anyone else. (And, I'm not so sure I want to just let them have photos of me if I can't control who they send them to. I'm all for you guys seeing my before and after shots, but I don't want to get surprised if my photo is on the NBC Nightly News without my knowledge first :) So, being in the study means that you are surveyed about your eating and exercise and lifestyle habits once a year for 5 years. I'll let you know what the surveys are like once I get it! You guys should totally look into this and do it with me!

How much do I weigh?

2008-08-10T16:08:00.002-04:00

I went for another walk this morning. I cannot tell you how lovely the weather has been here. But interestingly enough, I wasn't compelled to start running. I don't know when that will happen, but so far I'm enjoying the walking. I just wish the path was longer. It is only about 1/2 a mile and I do a loop. But, I feel like I could walk forever. Actually, there's access to a much longer path that I need to try out. I think that will be more satisfying, but obviously not something I can do before work. Probably more likely for the weekends.

I am currently obsessed with bread. Most specifically wheat bagels and wheat pita. I try not to eat it every day. I don't know what it is. I know it isn't great for me, but it fills me up and keeps me from eating something worse for me - oily, greasy, cheesy, fried, etc. Actually, I have very little interest in those kinds of foods, but I love my bread. Ugh!

I haven't been weighed in about 2 months. I'm nervous I'm above my goal weight. I'm going to weigh myself at my friend's apartment before I go back to WW. I think I need to start weighing myself on a regular basis and I don't think the once a month "lifetime member" thing is enough. I liked knowing how much I weigh. I went to the ob/gyn a week ago and she asked how much I weighed instead of weighing me and I felt like I was lying and its only been two months since I've been weighed. I think I need to know more often. I think that will make me feel more actively in control - although it has been a nice vacation not thinking about it. (As a side note, it was so weird being in a doctor's office again. I haven't been to on since I started losing weight. It was so nice to have the nurse not have to use the large blood pressure cuff. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Okay, I need to go find something to eat. I'm cooking chicken for lunch this week and its making me hungry!

Monday, Monday

2008-08-04T22:39:00.003-04:00

Thanks for stopping by and leaving kind words (Mouse, Jodi & Vickie). You guys are too good to me! Speaking of stopping by, does anyone know how to get Yahoo to give you RSS Feeds? I keep trying to get automatic updates on your blogs, but Yahoo is all kinds of whacked. Advice is appreciated :)

I actually got up at 7:00am (okay, 7:11am) and went for a walk in that lovely park I gave you all a picture of. It was a lovely 70 degrees. There were enough people on the path - running, walking their dogs, greeting the day with an cigarette ;) - that I felt totally comfortable. I didn't really do it for the exercise as much for the peace and quiet. Tomorrow I am going to take the busier path near the Hudson. It looks a little like this picture I've included. Actually, if you want to know what the exceptionally clean version of my neighborhood looks like, watch the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie "You've Got Mail". Yep, that's pretty much it. In fact, the ending scene of that movie was shot at the garden I posted a couple days ago.

Does anyone know the song "Monday, Monday" by The Mammas and the Pappas? Well, they have to be one of my favorite groups. Back before VH1 turned totally crazy (but it still has its moments), "Behind the Music" was a reputable show. That's how I learned about the group. I went out and bought their greatest hits - can you believe I bought a cassette? :) That shows you how much of a techno-phobe I have been. (I didn't get a cell phone until the summer of 2005!) Anyway, it is a great song, you should listen to it sometime. It makes me smile.

I'll be back again soon! Take care,

Trixie