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Sun, 15 Nov 2009 12:06:36 CST

RSS 2.0 feed of the latest jokes added to the jokes database of JokesLab . For more jokes, please read our bi-weekly online magazine JokesLab Magazine (It is FREE!) or browse all jokes at the home page.

Educational Dog

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-11-02

Television Chicken Jokes

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: Redneck Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
Baldrick : It had a cunning plan.

Darth Vader : Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

Fox Mulder : It was a government conspiracy.

Fox Mulder 2 : You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Gilligan : The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail - the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

Scully : It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Jerry Seinfeld : Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn�t anyone ever think to ask, �What the heck was this chicken doing walking all over the place anyway?

Mr. T : If you saw me coming you�d cross the road too!

Superman

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: Blonde Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
Three guys were standing at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. The first guy says to the second, "You know, the wind currents are so strong here in NYC that one could step off the edge of the building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current."

"No way, man, you�re crazy," said the second guy to the first. So the first guy steps off the edge of the building and justs floats in mid-air for about 20 seconds and then returns to the roof of the building.

The second guy is simply thrilled and says, "watch me do that" as he steps from the edge roof into the open air. Of course he falls like a stone straight down all the way to the waiting pavement below�SPLAT!

The third guy, who has remained quiet the entire time, leans over to the first guy and say, "You know something Superman, sometimes you can be a real asshole!"

Daytime Television

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: Misc. Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"

"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we�re locked in our cells and don�t see any television."

"That�s too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."

"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That�s part of the punishment."

The Right Choice

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: People Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
My 16-year-old brother, Ryan, was out late with friends one night. Suddenly he realized it was Father�s Day and he had neglected to buy a card for our dad. After much searching, Ryan located an open store, but was disappointed to find only two cards left on a picked-over rack. Selecting one, he brought it home and, somewhat sheepishly, presented it to our father.

Upon opening it, Dad read this message: "You�ve been like a father to me." He looked at Ryan, puzzled.

"Well, Dad," Ryan tried to explain, "it was either that or the card that said, �Now that I�m a father too!�"

Papa Bear

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: Blonde Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
My husband�s cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears � one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. �See, Connor?� he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. �That�s Daddy.�

Connor�s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, �You used to be a bear?�

Dad�s Poem

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:00:00 CST

Category: People Jokes Added: 2009-11-02
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, �My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.�

The second boy says, �That�s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.�

The third boy says, �I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!�

The Head Hog

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Blonde Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
A man called the church office one day and said, "Can I please speak to the head hog at the trough?"

The secretary, highly offended, said, "If you mean the pastor, then you may refer to him as �Pastor� or �Brother,�but you may certainly NOT refer to him as the �head hog atthe trough!�"

The man said, "Well, I was planning on giving $10,000 to your church�s building fund, but..."

"Hold on," the secretary quickly replied, "the big fat pig just walked in."

Goodbye, mother!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Redneck Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said. "I�m sorry if I�ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.

"I�m sorry for your loss," the young man replied. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well, as I�m leaving, could you just say �Goodbye, mother!?� It would make me feel so much better." She gave him a sweet smile.

"Of course I can," the young man promised.

As she gathered her bags and left, he called out "Goodbye, mother!" just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.

Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. "That amount is wrong," he said. "I only have a few items!"

"Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her," explained the clerk.

The Lexus

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Lawyer Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver�s side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can�t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don�t notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don�t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where�s my Rolex?"

Juan the Smuggler

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Misc. Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, "What�s in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We�ll just see about that. Get off the bike."

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man�s shoulders and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events repeats every day for three years. Then one day, Juan doesn�t show up. The guard meets up with him in a cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, buddy," the guard says, "I know you�re smuggling something. It�s driving me crazy. It�s all I think about. I can�t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

"Bicycles," Juan says.

Great-uncle George

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: People Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
The Smith�s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose � how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

Potato Garden

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Relationship Jokes Added: 2009-10-21
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Allen, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Allen,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won�t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I�m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

For heaven�s sake, dad, don�t dig up that garden, that�s where I buried the BODIES.

Love Allen

At 4A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That�s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Allen.

Sport Funny picture�2

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-21

Sport Funny picture---3

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-21

Sport Funny Picture---4

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-21

What a happy coincidence!�2

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-11

What a happy coincidence!

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-11

Funny sport�s Picture

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-11

Funny sport�s Picture

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 00:00:00 CDT

Category: Funny Pictures Added: 2009-10-11