laugh ONCE a day

Panjabi comedy video

2012-03-19T22:38:00.002-07:00

Hey guys check this site.......really funny

2012-03-03T12:44:00.001-08:00

http://www.2epix.com/who-says-a-horse-is-better-then-motorcycles_114.html

MAXICAN-BANDIT

2012-02-28T20:45:00.001-08:00

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Funny and dangerous Video - don't do at home

2012-02-26T15:55:00.002-08:00

Funniest video of frog

2012-02-20T07:53:00.001-08:00

2012-02-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

Head and Shoulders

A blonde and a burnette are catching up after having not seen each other for a while, the burnett says to the blonde, "I'm married to Kenny now."
The blonde replies, "Really, I used to date him. Isn't he the one with the really bad dandruf?"
"Yeah," answered the burnette, "but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders."
The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"
A Night In Mexico

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

peoples falling...funny VDO

2012-02-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

Some funny pictures

2012-02-17T00:35:00.002-08:00

I am sexy and I know it (Really hilarious and funniest video)- you will laugh Guaranteed

2012-02-14T22:39:00.001-08:00

Cheap Perfume

2012-02-14T15:41:00.001-08:00

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a giant New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $250 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

Funny Youtube video

2012-02-13T23:24:00.000-08:00

Sheep Diving

2012-02-12T17:52:00.001-08:00

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?

You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!

Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was chained to a railroad tie.

Top 50 Jokes of all time( It's based on survey)

2012-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

3.

4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

5. A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

7. Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

8. Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

11. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

13. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

14. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

15. There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

17. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.

18. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''

19. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.

20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

21. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''

22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

23. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

24. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''

25. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.

26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

28. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

29. I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''

30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.

31. So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

32. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''

33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

35. I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.

36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

37. I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''

38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

39. My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that calling at this time?' ''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''

40. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.

41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

49. A seal walks into a club...

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

Source: http://newslite.tv/2010/10/22/survey-reveals-top-50-funniest.html

LMFAO

2012-02-06T21:34:00.001-08:00

America's Funniest Home Videos Pilot Episode... by GameShowNetwork

Really funny

2012-02-06T21:32:00.001-08:00

2012-02-05T14:13:00.001-08:00

HAHA

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

ADVERTISING
The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself never read ads., and didn't believe anyone else did.

"Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?" the editor asked.

"If you can show me!" was the sarcastic answer. "But you can't."

In the next issue of the paper, the editor ran a line of small type in an obscure corner. It read:

"What is Jenkins going to do about it?"

The business man, Jenkins, hastened to seek out the editor next day. He admitted that he was being pestered out of his wits by the curious. He agreed to stand by the editor's explanation in the forthcoming issue, and this was:

"Jenkins is going to advertise, of course."

Having once advertised, Jenkins advertises still.

Hilarious one or two line jokes
Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it?
Answer: Lice

Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:
"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down?
Because the data might fall down.

Santa to Banta: I don't have an internet connection at home. Can you please copy the internet on this pen drive for me?

Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day

ABSENTMINDEDNESS
The man of the house finally took all the disabled umbrellas to the repairer's. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman cried "Stop thief!" rescued her umbrella and covered the man with shame and confusion.

That same day, he stopped at the repairer's, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered a street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold glaring at him the lady of his morning adventure. Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn:

"Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!"

The absentminded inventor perfected a parachute device. He was taken up in a balloon to make a test of the apparatus. Arrived at a height of a thousand feet, he climbed over the edge of the basket, and dropped out. He had fallen two hundred yards when he remarked to himself, in a tone of deep regret:

"Dear me! I've gone and forgotten my umbrella."

The professor, who was famous for the wool-gathering of his wits, returned home, and had his ring at the door answered by a new maid. The girl looked at him inquiringly:

"Um—ah—is Professor Johnson at home?" he asked, naming himself.

"No, sir," the maid replied, "but he is expected any moment now."

The professor turned away, the girl closed the door. Then the poor man sat down on the steps to wait for himself.

The clergyman, absorbed in thinking out a sermon, rounded a turn in the path and bumped into a cow. He swept off his hat with a flourish, exclaiming:

"I beg your pardon, madam."

Then he observed his error, and was greatly chagrined. Soon, however, again engaged with thoughts of the sermon, he collided with a lady at another bend of the path.

"Get out of the way, you brute!" he said.

The most absent-minded of clergymen was a Methodist minister who served several churches each Sunday, riding from one to another on horseback. One Sunday morning he went to the stable while still meditating on his sermon and attempted to saddle the horse. After a long period of toil, he aroused to the fact that he had put the saddle on himself, and had spent a full half hour in vain efforts to climb on his own back.

FUNNY SHORT JOKES LUCK
"Tommy," said his brother, "you're a regular little glutton. How can you eat so much?"

"Don't know; it's just good luck," replied the youngster.

REALLY FUNNY JOKES LOYALTY
Jenkins, a newly wedded suburbanite, kissed his wife goodby the other morning, and, telling her he would be home at six o'clock that evening, got into his auto and started for town.

At six o'clock no hubby had appeared, and the little wife began to get nervous. When the hour of midnight arrived she could bear the suspense no longer, so she aroused her father and sent him off to the telegraph office with six telegrams to as many brother Elks living in town, asking each if her husband was stopping with him overnight.

Morning came, and the frantic wife had received no intelligence of the missing man. As dawn appeared, a farm wagon containing a farmer and the derelict husband drove up to the house, while behind the wagon trailed the broken-down auto. Almost simultaneously came a messenger boy with an answer to one of the telegrams, followed at intervals by five others. All of them read:

"Yes, John is spending the night with me."—Bush Phillips.

BOY—"Come quick, there's a man been fighting my father more'n half an hour."

POLICEMAN—"Why didn't you tell me before?"

BOY—"'Cause father was getting the best of it till a few minutes ago."

SHORT FUNNY JOKES LOVE
MR. SLIMPURSE—"But why do you insist that our daughter should marry a man whom she does not like? You married for love, didn't you?"

MRS. SLIMPURSE—"Yes; but that is no reason why I should let our daughter make the same blunder."

MAUDE—"Jack is telling around that you are worth your weight in gold."

ETHEL—"The foolish boy. Who is he telling it to?"

MAUDE—"His creditors."

RICH MAN—"Would you love my daughter just as much if she had no money?"

SUITOR—"Why, certainly!"

RICH MAN—"That's sufficient. I don't want any idiots in this family."

Look at killer JOKE

2012-02-03T22:56:00.003-08:00

2012-02-03T15:40:00.001-08:00

Aggravating the Devil

The Priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the Priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!"
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order.
Still the man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know for sure where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 4:54 PM
4.17.2002

BRING ON THE RABBITS
Following our church's Easter musical, our 4-year-old daughter
went through the house shouting, "Give us the rabbits! Give us
the rabbits!" Finally I asked why she was shouting this.

"Daddy, that's what all those people were yelling on the
stage," she explained. I thought for a moment and then it
dawned on me. The crowd was actually yelling, "Give us
Barabbas!"

-- Marc W., Campbellsville, KY

from "Life in Our House," Christian Parenting Today magazine
http://ChristianityToday.com/cpt/9g2/9g2014.html

POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 4:28 PM
3.22.2002

WHY PARENTS HAVE GRAY HAIR

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child whispering,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice
whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the
policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing very concerned especially as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear
piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"Honey, what is going on at your house?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "Some men in a hello-copper just landed and are looking around."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they looking for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me"
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 11:47 AM
3.20.2002

Servant
Hearing a department store clerk address me as "Ma'am," four-year-
old Jennifer asked what that meant.

"Ma'am is short for madam," I replied. "It's a polite way to
address a woman."

Jennifer asked what name Daddy would be called.

"Sir," I answered.

"Sir ..." she thought for a moment, "that must be short for
servant!"
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 4:54 PM
Finding the Humor in Your Daily Life

FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT?
When my son, Evan, was three, we started a bedtime ritual of
singing Christian songs. He particularly liked "Amazing
Grace." One day as I was driving, he asked me to sing him a
song. When I asked Evan which one he'd like to hear, he
responded, "You know, that song about those amazing grapes."

-- Diana, Florida

from "Small Talk," Today's Christian Woman magazine
http://ChristianityToday.com/tcw/8w2/8w2031.html
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 9:29 AM
2.27.2002

OUR LIVES BELONG TO GOD

Writing on the topic of worship, author Greg Laurie shares the
following:

I heard the story of a woman who had finished shopping and
returned to her car. She found four men inside the car. She
dropped her shopping bags, drew a handgun, and screamed, "I
have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car."
Those men did not wait for a second invitation; they got out
and ran like crazy.

The woman, somewhat shaken, loaded her shopping bags and then
got into the car. But no matter how she tried, she could not
get her key into the ignition. Then it dawned on her: her car
was parked four or five spaces away! She loaded her grocery
bags into her own car and then drove to the police station to
turn herself in. The desk sergeant to whom she told the story
nearly fell off his chair laughing. He pointed to the other
end of the counter, where four men were reporting a carjacking
by an old woman with thick glasses and curly white hair, less
than five feet tall, and carrying a large handgun. No charges
were filed.

You see, she thought it was her car, but it really belonged to
someone else. We think our lives are our own, but they really
belong to God.

Illustration from PreachingToday.com: http://PreachingToday.com/
by Greg Laurie, "A Time to Worship," Decision (November 2001);
submitted by Van Morris
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 10:09 AM
1.17.2002

Why death at 11 am

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where
patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even
thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could
solve the mystery..... as to: Why the death at 11 AM?

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go
down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next
Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously
wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon
was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other
holy objects to ward off the evil........

Just when the clock struck 11..... Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday
sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so
that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
POSTED BY METAPSYCHE AT 11:40 AM

Source:http://jokes.blogspot.com/

Really funny one

2012-02-03T15:38:00.001-08:00

2012-01-25T15:02:00.001-08:00

Funniest moments ever recorded, funny video :P by nilosmiros

HAHA

2012-01-25T14:46:00.001-08:00

BEST EPIC FAILS EVER!!! by epicfailure101

2012-01-24T21:52:00.001-08:00