Daily Clean Funny Jokes

FUNNY PICTURE: Tom Cruise Is Ready For Mission Impossible 4 "Attack of Suri Cruise"

2006-09-13T01:21:00.001-04:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog
and Twin Cities Mass News Blogzine

From Fitchburg and Leominster Ma.
.
Now Tom Cruise will face worse mission ever on

MI4 Attack of Suri Cruise... But, Tom looks like his ready to

take on the challenge. He may need some help from Mrs.

Katie Holmes Cruise.
.

Presented by
Free Internet Marketing Tips!
.

FUNNY PICTURE: The Pentagon

2006-05-03T06:12:00.001-04:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog

and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

News: All jokes and funny pictures now will post it

n our main blog site at the Twin Cities Blog Magazine

So, for current updates and the

new jokes please click here

Presented by

Free Internet Marketing For Beginners!

BLONDE JOKES: Want me to paint for you?

2006-04-18T03:03:00.001-04:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

"I'm here for the paint job," she said.

"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW.

Presented by
Free Internet Marketing Tips!
.

MERRIAGE JOKES: Subjects for a date

2006-04-18T02:55:00.001-04:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.

He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

Presented by
Free Internet Marketing Blog!
.

BLONDE JOKES: An overweight blonde getting help

2006-03-06T00:14:00.001-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

Presented by
Internet Marketing For Beginners!
.

POLICE JOKES: Dealing with crazy criminals

2006-02-24T04:56:00.001-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

Presented by
Internet Marketing Blog!
.

POLICE JOKES: Eyes bloodshot

2006-02-23T04:56:00.001-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Presented by
Internet Marketing Tips!
.

BLONDE JOKES: How a blonde get across the river

2006-02-20T15:59:00.001-05:00

Daily Jokes by Funny Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A blonde once got lost near a river. She traveled up and down it searching for a way to get to the other side.

She tried walking in the shallow part of the river, and she even tried grabbing onto a branch that stretched half way across the river to try to swing to the other side. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get across.

After many failed attempts, she finally felt like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she saw a person walking by and decided to follow her--across the bridge.

Presented by
Free Internet Business Tips!
.

VALENTINE JOKES: I just had a dream about it

2006-02-19T15:59:00.001-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

Presented by:
Free Internet Marketing!
.

SCHOOL JOKES: Sweep the Floor

2006-02-17T15:59:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- Your first job will be to sweep the floor.

But I'm a college student the young man replied.

In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how.

Presented by: Cogni360: Your Phone Bill Calculator!
.

FARMER JOKES: How are you feeling?

2006-02-16T22:30:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "

Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Brown's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Brown thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."

He continued, "I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans."

"Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."

Finally, farmer Brown came to the end of the story. "The patrolman looked at me and said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are YOU feeling'?"

Presented by: Cogni360: Your Free Phone Bill Calculator!
.

FARMER JOKES: Horse pulls the car

2006-02-15T22:30:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Presented by
Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

POLICE JOKES: Swerve to avoid a box

2006-02-14T15:09:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver asked for what.

The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

Presented by: Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

SHOPPING JOKES: My wife is missing

2006-02-13T15:09:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

Presented by: Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

BLONDE JOKES: Three blonds on death row

2006-02-12T03:37:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .

"The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

Presented by: Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

GENDER JOKES: Question and answer

2006-02-11T03:37:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.-
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.

Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Presented by: Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

POLITICAL JOKES: The development of a new programming language

2006-02-10T03:37:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- I've heard there's a new programming language out from University of Tennessee. It's called Algor.

There are some problems with it though. The syntax is very formal and inflexible. And it's not a very powerful language either, since it won't allow you to alter the operating environment. Its survival is also partially dependent upon an even slower and lower quality language called Blinton.

Personally, I don't think either will be around in four years.

Presented by: Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

ENGLISH JOKES: A lecture about English

2006-02-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Grand Opening Sponsor

Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!

BAR JOKES: The number twelve at the bar

2006-02-08T22:25:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.

Grand Opening Sponsor

Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!

BLONDE JOKES: Blondes In A Swim Competition

2006-02-06T22:25:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to call anybody a cheater, but I think I saw those other two girls use their arms.

Grand Opening Sponsor
Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

BAR JOKES: Daddies Bond Over a Beer!

2006-02-05T22:25:00.000-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life?"

The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."

The other man says, "My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach."

The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."

Grand Opening Sponsor

Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!

RANDOM JOKES: So, Who's Freekydoo???....

2006-02-01T14:24:00.008-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- Well, after all the emails, post mail, phone calls, door hangers, picture mails, knocks on my window, notes on the toilet paper (which I though was super...), and notes on my car. I decide to answer you about the question that has been driving my visitor mad...

WHO'S FREEKYDOO???

Well, for all my blog fans, modbloggers, bloggers, vloggers, audiobloggers, and Skype freaks... This is my answer:

I don't know who's of the hell is Freekydoo... So, can you stupid mofos stop asking me about the mofo, because I don't know him and I never met him!

And if somebody see him, tell him...

Good day and I see you tomorrow with more jokes...

Grand Opening Sponsor
Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

BUSINESS JOKES: Buy machine factory

2006-02-01T14:24:00.007-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

Grand Opening Sponsor
Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

BLIND JOKES: A blind man is here to see you

2006-02-01T14:24:00.006-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

Grand Opening Sponsor
Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!
.

AVIATION JOKES: An engineer and a programmer

2006-02-01T14:24:00.005-05:00

Daily Jokes by Wash Jokes Blog and Twin Cities Mass News Blog

Daily Jokes and Humor.- A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Grand Opening Sponsor

Cogni360: Lower Your Phone And Internet Bill!