Laura Farnsworth's Space

Hello out there!!!!!

2012-04-30T18:09:00.001-05:00

It been a few months since I've written anything, anywhere except for school and work. I discovered that I have missed it and hope this post will get me started back. A lot has happened in the few months that I haven't written. I finished my first year with online school, changed school, my mom moved in with us in September and moved to my sister's in March and I've celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary, my 50th birthday, and I joined weight watchers and weigh exactly what I did the day I got married.

I'm still working in Addison with a relocation company and I have met a lot of interesting people, moving them across the United States, and some have become my friends, where we share laughter and emails, texts, and play games on Facebook.

Life in general has settled down some. Our finances are better than they have been in a while and we are starting to plan for our final home, where I still hope to have my animal rescue.

We joined church in October of last year, and it feels like home. I'm starting to feel comfortable again, and my spiritual life is growing. I have lots of questions and God is sending me the answers.

Hope everyone has a great week! Tomorrow is the first day of May, and soon everyone will be complaining about the heat!

God Bless!
L

Just Not Sure

2011-11-27T15:53:00.000-06:00

Life is not often how we plan things or how we want things to be. Our lives are in God's hands and he directs us but we have free will to do or make our choices. There are always two paths before us. It is our decision as to which one we take. I currently have two paths before me and just not sure which way to go. Neither is a wrong path but they will definitely have two different outcomes. I'm not sure what I'm ready to sacrifice for them.

I know that I just need to pray and the path will be shown to me. I hope everyone has a prayer relationship with God and a daily walk with Him. Mine is not what it has been and I find it difficult to stay focused these days.

God Bless,
Love,
L

Back to Corporate America

2011-06-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

I have shared a lot on my blog over the last month. I've shared our anxiety of not having work, not being able to pay bills and worry over if we were going to have a place to live. I've filled out job application after job application and had no calls. However, after much prayer and thanking God for all the things He does for us, I received a job offer from my old company sort of. I start work for them on Thursday, the 16th as a contract or temporary employee. It is for a group move and it is a two hour drive for me to go to work and a two hour drive for me to get home. It's okay though! I know it is temporary and this will give my husband time to find a regular job, not one that depends on good weather and a good economy. He and I are both going to try to work for awhile at regular jobs and get caught up, paid off, and buy us a permanent place to live.

I changed my school schedule to accommodate my working full time. Until we get to where we don't need me to work full time, I will only go to school part time. Yes it will take longer for me to get my degree, but it is okay and will pay off in the long run. I'm also taking a free basic bookkeeping class that hopefully will brush up my knowledge enough that I can get something in an accounting department or for a company, doing basic bookkeeping once the full time work is gone in Addison. Either way, I know that God heard our pleas and has answered one of our many prayers.

Life is going to be a little different and it will take some adjusting, but what we have received from God and what we are able to do is beyond what we had hoped. So although we aren't out of the woods, we can see the clearing and God is smiling upon us and blessing us constantly. Thank you God. Thank you for our friends, family and your Church. We couldn't have made it the last two weeks without any of it and especially without you.

Love, L

Life In A Bottle

2011-05-21T13:44:00.000-05:00

The economy is effecting everyone in all walks of life. No one is immune. Even if you think you are not affected, you are because if you are buying groceries, gas, or paying bills, you are affected. People are losing homes, cars, and their sanity because of the economy. This week I have felt like I'm walking around in a bottle with no air and no opening to come out from under the weight of the economy.

My husband is a general contractor and we are going on a month with no new jobs, no phone calls to amount to anything and estimates that no one can make a decision on. I work part-time at our church as custodian. I have been job searching for the last two to three weeks, applying for job after job after job. My husband has been a general contractor for about 20 years and so being an "employee" is not a word that has been in my husband's vocabulary in a long time, but that is going to have to change.

Life sometimes hands you circumstances and it seems that no matter how hard you try to work or fix the issue, there is no answer. That is the way our life is at this moment. I'm not sure what the future holds for us at this moment. I'm not even sure if we will have a place to live or a car to drive in another week. I do know this and that is God will see us through this and more.

We have not given up on looking for jobs. I think I may even have one, but by the time I receive a paycheck this are going to be pass the serious and arriving at the edge of "where do we go". I know that probably makes no sense, but stress levels in our house are as high as the Mississippi river in some areas along it's banks right now. I've had several anxiety attacks in the last two weeks, bad enough that I thought I was having a heart attack. Pain so severe that my only thought was I won't see my husband's face before I die and I don't know if I said I love you or not today.

I need someone to take the cap off of this bottle and let in a breath of fresh air. We are doing the best we can, and we are praying daily for God's intervention. I guess the reason I'm writing this, is to say to others who are facing the effects of the economy, don't give up. Have faith and take it all to God. I know He is the only way we are going to survive this. God Bless!

Love L

When I No Longer Feel

2011-05-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

There are times when the outside world gets to me and I can no longer handle it. The stress builds and builds until the wall around my heart starts to grow, brick by brick, stone by stone. The worry of being able to pay bills, of having a place to live and not be afraid of losing everything else I have left in this life, gets too much. I stop feeling.

I push everyone and anyone away. I don’t want anyone to touch me, talk to me or even look at me. I just want to fade away out of the line of sight of everyone and everything. I go back to when I didn’t let anyone inside. These feelings like this are not new. They have been around since my daughter was very little. I’ve often wondered if I ever pushed her away. I’ve talked to her about it and she said no momma, you have always let me in.

The funny thing is this… I don’t know how I use to make it go away before I was married. Now, my husband is my cure. He seems to know when to pull me close, when to reach out and just touch my face softly with his fingertips. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “I love you darlin’” and the look in his eyes tells me it is the truth. I have never felt the way I do when he holds me close, his fingers strumming along my body; His lips slowly caressing my neck or my ears. I feel so loved and I feel so deeply that I cry during our lovemaking. I don’t know if other women ever experience feelings that deep or not. He no longer asks why I cry, when I do. I love him totally and utterly without holding back. I’ve never loved anyone like that of the opposite sex. He is truly my soul mate. I think if I had not found him when I did, when God sent him to me, I would be in a very lonely world, or maybe not even in this world any longer. I’m not sure.

I know this, that no matter what our families say, we were destined for each other from the beginning of time. Not that I would want to change what we have lived through or received from our lives like our children, but sometimes, I wish that I had met him when I was 16, 18, or 20. I wish we could have had more in our lives, and even children together. Again, there is no regret only trust and a love that I think God for every day of my life since I met him, received the first email, or had the first conversation. It’s kind of like the song, “You had me from Hello.”

My Writings

2011-04-30T12:17:00.000-05:00

For the last few days I've been writing articles or thoughts or something anyway and I'm just putting them in a folder. Some will hurt people, some will make people wonder, and some might make people go away. I'm not sure. I'm not sleeping so good these days, too many worries, and yes before you ask, I've handed them to God several times. It's just that the world keeps putting them back on top instead of at the bottom of the cross. Oh! Wait! I guess that is me and not the world, but the world does cause me to pick them back up. My faith is strong but not strong enough. So I write and write. Hoping that one of these days I will get it all out and down on paper and the world will look better from the ink drippings on my page.

Some times each dot of ink is almost like a tear falling softly down. Some times it is a raindrop, huge and with force blowing against the pane of my heart. Some times the dot of ink is the thunder and lightening and I'm enjoying it as it splashes across the page. My writings allow me to feel and I don't always feel which is one of the things I wrote about today, this morning. It is easy for me to throw up a wall and block people out of my life, some times forcing those I love to stand back for awhile until I'm ready to feel again. I'm not sure if that makes me heartless or not. Some times, I don't feel like I have a heart or that I am truly capable of real feelings. I some times don't know who I really am deep down. Who am I as a person? What am I as a person? Maybe one day I will discover that and maybe then I can share it with everyone.

L

Today Marks the End of First Session

2011-04-19T10:12:00.000-05:00

Today marks the end of the first 7.5 weeks of school. It has been an awesome experience and I can't wait to start the next session. I've already talked to Amy, my Academic Adviser about next semester and have already applied for financial aid to go with my pell grant. My next session I only have one class or course. It is called Comm 150, which is Research Strategies for a Digital age plus.

I have also started working with Career Services, Jodi, is my contact and she is helping to redo my resume, gave me some job search sites and will help me the most that she can with job placement. It is a little different because I am not on campus, but she is still there for assistance and I plan to take advantage of everything the school has to offer.

On a more personal level, I am really tired the last few days and have not felt up to par, but I'm okay. My husband is working as many small jobs as possible so that we can make ends meet. We are not behind on anything but one bill. Groceries are not a concern because our freezer is well stocked. We are sticking to our budget and it is working well. I will however, be eternally grateful when I can get a job with my new schooling.

I wish you all a glorious and God filled day. I've already talked to Him a couple of times and will probably do so more as the day goes by. Especially until the AC guy gets here.

Love, L

Where Will We Go

2011-04-11T06:49:00.000-05:00

After talking with my academic advisor last week, I really started thinking about where I would find a job with my new degree. Career Services has been in contact and I have told them we would be interested in a position with a Christian based company, church or school, for starters, anywhere in the state of Texas. That leaves a very open and wide field.

My goal, our goal is to still have a few acres with a house and my animals. So even if I do wind up working in a city of more than 1500 people, I will still live far enough out to have those things. I think I might like going back to west Texas. I loved living in Abilene and working there. That would put us at least 4.5 hours from his family and probably the same distance from my Mom.

I told my daughter all of this and she is excited for us. We are excited that this year will be more fruitful!

Have a God Filled and Blessed Day!
Love, L

Next Semester

2011-04-07T10:29:00.000-05:00

I AM SO PUMPED!!!!!

I had my call with my academic advisor this morning, and I was very nervous before the call, but felt so much better about things after I talked to her. I am only considered part time this session. I have one class next session, so I will still be spending about 3 hours or so a day on the computer for school. However, it is one class instead of two. FYE is not considered a full time course and as such should only take about 2 hours a week to do what is necessary for the class.

So next semester, because I want to get my degree finished as quick as possible, I'm going 3/4 time. That means I will have two full classes for the first 7.5 weeks, and one the following session or the last 7.5 weeks. I was also approved for a Pell grant this time, and will get student loans for what that does not cover. Registration for the next semester is the end of April first of May, and then next semester starts on June 22.

It was funny sort of, Amy Stokes, my academic advisor asked how it was going. I told her all was okay, but I still had some of the fear factor that I would be able to accomplish my goal. She asked if it was my classes or did I not understand something. I told her that if you get right down to the crux of the problem, I felt it was my age. I told her I felt like I was the oldest in the class. She laughed and said not at all. That the majority of the classes online are professionals in jobs or people that are returning for degrees or changing professions. She said very few online students are those right out of high school. That made me feel a lot better.

So I have a small break during session 1 and 2, but I'm going to use it to read ahead in my book, and to review math. I do have one more math class but it probably will not be until 3rd semester, which starts in October. Thank God I have a great support group of family and friends. Otherwise I probably would still be wobbling on whether or not to do this! I'm going to try to get my degree as quickly as possible. So please keep supporting me and praying for me.

Love, L

Five Years and Counting

2011-04-03T19:54:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I've written on my blogs, not because I didn't have anything to say, but because life has been so busy. Most of you have read where I had planned to return to school and I did as a part time student. I absolutely love it! I'm considering full time this semester, however, the fear factor is there that I won't be able to handle four classes. This I know though, God will see me through. I had a math class for the first 7.5 weeks of this semester and I was able to finish it in 14 days, and I'm pretty sure I have an A in the class. I'm still participating in the discussions and I'm reviewing math so I can stay up on the practices I've learned.

In this last week, I celebrated my 49th birthday and my 5th wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything really spectacular and for our anniversary, I got contacts and he got new glasses. My eyes don't focus together so I'm actually only wearing one contact lens. I go back on the 12th to figure out if this is going to work, or what kind of compromise I will have to make in order to see.

We are still planning on renewing our vows on the 12th of November. We aren't planning on anything fancy and we still haven't decided on whether or not we want to write our vows or just have them redone. It is a work in progress.

My daughter and I have been spending more time together and it means the world to me. I love that we live this close to each other. I know that she wants to move from Emory, and I know that we will follow to be pretty close to where ever it is that they wind up. So in the meantime, we have devised a new budget, and we are going to start putting some money back into the savings as much as possible. We have two more big items before we can save a lot, like dental appointments, and computers, but we will get there.

How has life been for you in the last two weeks? Anything exciting going on in your life? Please leave a comment.

Love, L

A Personal Mission Statement

2011-03-19T11:13:00.000-05:00

Well I just finished up my second full week of school and I love it! I'm thinking seriously about going full time or at least 3/4 time after this semester. One of my classes for the first 7.5 weeks is called FYE or First Year Experience. It is a great class and the lectures are awesome. One of the topics this week was writing a personal mission statement. There were two videos that we could watch. One was just a random one of young girl writing her personal statement. The other was the scene from Jerry Maquire where he writes a 25 page personal mission statement. After reading the text and watching one of the videos, and i didn't watch Tom Cruise, I started thinking about my personal mission statement.

Writing a personal mission statement is actually a daily tool to be used to keep you focused and on tract to obtain your short and long term goals, as well as keeping what is important in your life, and knowing who and what you want to be. Using past life experiences and what you see yourself doing in the future are part of writing a mission statement. So after all week long thinking about what was important, the reason I was doing what I was doing, and who I want to be and where I want to be in the next 1 to 4 years, I wrote a first draft of my personal mission statement. It is in no way finished or close to where I want it to be, but it did get some of the preliminary things on paper.

I have been a dreamer all my life, and I guess that is why I like to write. Writing and dreaming gives me the opportunity to be someone I'm not. Some of my goals have changed over the years but one thing that has never changed is my goal to be a published writer. Some of you might wonder than why I'm not going after a degree in journalism or media. Well writers don't really make that much money to start out with, especially if you don't make it on the best sellers list. I have to be practical and I can still be a dreamer. The practical side of me knows that I need to work for us to be able to survive, unless of course we win the lottery. The dreamer side of me can still strive to be that published writer.

As a person, I want to be someone that people trust, that is honest, that cares and that wants to help people, but also have family and friends in their life. My husband and my child are the utmost of importance to me. God is first in my life, but they come in second, then family, then work. These are all things we need to consider. I guess the bottom line here is this, writing this personal mission statement will help me to define short term, long term goals, and the map on how to achieve those.

What are your long term and short term goals? ARe you only living day to day with no thought of where you want to be in one, two or four years from now? I'm 48 years old about to be 49, this has become majorily important to me, to achieve, accomplish and complete this before I'm too old to reap the benefits.

Have a blessed day!

Progress in Life

2011-03-17T08:01:00.000-05:00

School started on March 2nd, and to say I was a little fearful would be right on the money. However, I am on the third week of school and am much calmer and not fearful any longer. I'm ahead in my math course by two chapters and plan to be finished with the next two by the end of this week. Now when things are going good, the devil likes to make life interesting. So last Thursday after suffering with a toothache for three days I went to the dentist. They cut the tooth out on Monday and I was not able to do any school work. I became very anxious, but I had planned ahead and had already printed off my lectures and assignments for the week. So on Tuesday morning and off and on all day, I worked on school work for my FYE class. First Year Experience in case you wondered. So because of the tooth extraction, I missed work on Tuesday as well and was a little worried, but God always provides and the devil will run when you evoke Jesus name. It turns out that I will be working everyday next week because Chio, the regular custodian, has had a death in the family. My prayers go out to him and his family.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it is turning out to be a positive experience, and I think I'm going to try to bump up my classes. I know that this is the right thing to do because God is making it happen one step at a time. So if you are thinking about going back to school and how you are going to manage, God will provide the way and make sure you have what you need. Your faith in God will see you through. May you all have a blessed Day!

Love,
L

School

2011-03-03T18:17:00.000-06:00

Okay so school started on March 2nd, at Noon EST. Was I nervous? Was it what I expected? Did I panic? Yes. No. and No. There are the answers in order of the questions. Online school is totally awesome and it is not hard to reach your teachers, or your advisors or other students. It is totally awesome and I'm loving it! I've been doing math most of the day. I'm trying to do as much as possible on the two days a week that I don't work so that I can just do an hour or so on the days that I do work. We have to have all assignments turned in my Midnight EST on Saturday, sometimes Friday. We can get all the work for the week on Sunday. It is amazing to see how this works! I've taken a few or attempted a couple of online courses before but this is way different and I totally recommend this school.

Bryant Stratton actually has campuses all over New York, Ohio, Wisconsin (I think) and of course online and probably other places. If you are thinking about going back to school this is definitely something or a school to look in to.

I will update with progress as we go through... Love, L

Vow Renewal Ceremony

Okay so we had to make some changes in regards to renewing our vows. The ceremony has been changed to November 12th, 2011. That will be six years since our first date, or close. We went out on our first, first time we met in person, on November 13th, 2005. We met online through Match.com, and really it should never have happened, because his email bypassed not only Match.com's security, but earthlink's at the time.
So we know that it was meant to be for us to meet and fall in love and get married. If you are on Facebook, and are part of the family, you got an invitation. Written invitations will go out in October. We figure this will give us enough time to do it the way we want it! The reason for the change? I have to have a computer for school, and right now, I have one on loan from my church. Thanks Ronnie!

Just Some General Things and Updates

2011-02-25T14:10:00.000-06:00

Okay so its Friday and it has been a very busy week, so I'm glad the work week is over. Norman has two jobs going right now so he has been busy as well. This is the first week in a while that he has actually worked five days in a row. Both of us are still fighting allergies or something so that one or both of us has sinus issues everyday.

School starts on Wednesday, March 2nd, at noon EST. I have to keep reminding myself that school is on EST and not CST for the purposes of completing assignments and turning in work. I'm excited and scared. Now I just want to get started and to see if I can actually handle school. We have to get a new computer. Mine, that is now Norman's is not going to cut it for the 2nd half of the first semester, but they said it would get me through the first half (7.5 weeks). So we are starting to look. The best we have found so far is about $550.00 not counting shipping. So I'm hoping that between the two jobs, we will be able to purchase me a new computer and take the other desktop in and have to cleaned up. He got a virus, and although we have cleaned it, we are not sure all is working properly.

We have cancelled Renewing our vows until later in the year. We can't afford to do the ceremony the way I want to do it, and buy the computer. That's okay too! I know God is working tremendously in our lives right now and we are slowly seeing some light at the end of the tunnel... (and it's not a train).

I guess that catches us up to where our lives are currently heading. I know that this is what is suppose to happen with school and all because a very close friend of the family told me that if it was meant to be, God would make sure it all happened, or there would be obstacles to big to overcome. She was right! God bless you Ashley Lenore!

May you all have a God Filled and Blessed day!
L

Returning to School at 48

2011-02-07T15:07:00.000-06:00

So once again it snowed here on Friday, February 4th. I had to wear rubber boots in order to walk over to the church to work because the snow was too deep for my tennis shoes. Anyway, I worked for a little over three hours on Friday, and came home to work on completing registration for online school. I was not able to get a pell grant but I was approved for student financial aid. The semester starts on March 2, 2011 and I heard from my admin today and he said he would have my schedule for me in the next couple days. While I am very excited because God worked it out for me to go to school, I'm also a little scared that I won't be able to handle it.

However, I know it will all be okay. I truly am excited about getting my accounting degree! This is the beginning to a new life where financially after school we will be much better off. We are still looking at selling my car since I will be attending online. There could be some issues with us not having a second vehicle but for the short run, it would truly be better.

While being a dog trainer is something I still want to do, I'm going to use most of my time for the accounting degree and trying to get it finished as quickly and monetarily possible. I'm reading up and watching some dog training videos and plan to practice on my dogs.

That's the plan for now any ways! Everyone have a blessed day and week!

L

Just a Little Catch Up

2011-01-29T18:47:00.000-06:00

I took Friday, January 28th off as it was my daughter's 25th birthday and we spent most of the day together. It was fun! It has been a long time since I've had a girl's day and it was much enjoyed. We ate lunch at Chili's (so yes I have to start my weight loss over) and we went to the movies and saw "The Rite" with Anthony Hopkins. All and all it was a good day.

Also on Friday morning I did a little research on schools that offer accounting degrees online. Why? Well I took an aptitude test on Thursday and it said that I should be an accountant. Which as I think about it, I took it for two years in high school and it was something I truly enjoyed. I do like numbers. So I found a few schools, but the top one listed was Bryant & Stratton. So I requested admissions info and received a call within an hour.

I received everything I need by email to apply, request transcripts, get financial aid, and I have to complete a short essay. The fear of doing something and completing it, and changing my career or what was my career for 24 years is a little much. The thought keeps going through my head, "Can I actually do this?" If I do school full time, each semester is 15 weeks, divided in to two 7.5 week, and you only take two classes for each 7.5 week period. I have to test in math and English to see where they will place me, but in 20 months I can have an accounting degree.

Also this past week, I've decided to sell my car. I walk to work, and we do have the truck so it's not like we won't have a vehicle. It will just have to come home and be here for the weekends so I can run all errands. This is really all very much a life changer in the works. I also know that this is a change from being a teacher, but my sanity won out on that one. I'm a good self-starter and it doesn't bother me to work alone, so being a bookkeeper or keeping books for a few small companies would not bother me.

The cost is pretty steep as for as the degree, but if it is suppose to be, God will take care of it. If it is not suppose to be, there will be obstacles that cannot be overcome. So my journey starts by sending the paperwork back and I plan to do that on Monday after work.

If we can make this all come together for the next few months, then life will definitely be better financially and we will be able to get some things done, including moving to be closer to my kids when the time comes. I just need to stay focused and work at the church and do school. I will be able to work at my own pace and I have one on one tutoring if i need it. So friends, family and followers, please say a little prayer for us, me. We always need prayers, but needing a little extra as we face this next challenge.

Have a God filled Weekend!
Love,
L

A Destructive Streak

2011-01-23T12:14:00.000-06:00

If you read my blogs, I shared about my eating disorder and some of my trigger foods. Because of the gastric bypass sugar is a no no, carbonation is suppose to be a no no, drinking through a straw is also one of those things I'm not suppose to do. Also since the surgery, I have developed a few things that I am allergic to like chocolate, milk, ranch dressing in large quantities, queso, and I have problems with digesting lettuce.

So there are times when I know what I am eating is going to make me sick. So why do I do it? I usually reason it out with this statement, "I haven't had it in a long time and I need it." It is true to a point. Sometimes I just want the taste again. I love salads. I like to eat cereal. Yesterday I made brownies and I've eaten them twice.

I know emotions effect this a lot, so I try to figure out what exactly it is that drives me to do this. I'm not lonely. I have a wonderful marriage. We have financial difficulties, but then who doesn't these days. I think a big problem I have right now is trying to figure out what, where and when. Finding a job is stressing the situation as well. I want to go back to school, but they are requiring pre-algebra and I'm sure it is necessary, but I would like to start working towards my degree as well. Maybe teaching is not the degree I need to go after? I just not sure. So I think really that is the issue. I want to use the things I love to make a living, but then I think about that in the long run and wonder how long will the world need an animal trainer or dog trainer, and does any one still read books, fiction.?

I know that I need to start journaling again. I haven't in almost two months at least not on a consistent basis and maybe that will help me. I talk to God constantly and know that He is there providing for me and my needs.

Have a God Filled Day!
Love, L

At Some Point I lost control

2011-01-22T11:24:00.000-06:00

I have been overweight most or all my life. I constantly struggled from the time I was in first grade to the present with being at a weight where I was happy with my appearance. There have been times when I weighed 125 as a teenager and thought I was at a good spot, but I have never been able to maintain a healthy, happy weight. My highest weight was 322 pounds. I weighed that at the time I had a gastric bypass. The lowest weight I have been since the surgery was 157 pounds and I only reached that after having mono and throwing up for 48 hours.

Once I recovered from mono I hit 167 and I was okay with that, because I was toned and I was wearing a size 12. That is the smallest I have been since I was 16. In 1998 or 1999, I was diagnosed with compulsive overeating disorder. It is something I have constantly struggled with and at some point in the last 18 months I have totally lost control. There are foods that I should never buy at the store because of the disorder. Popcorn, chips, and sugar cookies, whether in a roll to be baked or fresh or whatever. I cannot stop once I start and I eat until I throw up. I know this is not healthy. So what do I do? I've put more pressure on myself to control it and my weight.

I have set an impossible goal, and find myself thinking about things like starvation diets, consuming less than a 1000 calories a day. Here's the thing though, even with those thoughts, I'm already defeated because I can't control the eating disorder. No matter how hard I try, and I do have good days, I cannot stop myself.

I've turned it over to God and constantly fail. It is not God's fault that I cannot control it. It is mine. I've tried everything. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I do not want to gain any more weight. I'm already considered obese by the BMI index that you see on the internet and in doctor's offices. I start every day a new with the hopes of getting it back under control. I can't afford to get help with it professionally, and I have no insurance. I have pulled my books about emotional eating and overeating, and compulsive obsessive disorder out of storage. I will start again, but I'm really lost this time.

Eating disorders are very serious no matter what or which one you have. Most people think that people with eating disorders are these little bitty skinny people, and that is not true. I weighed this morning after working out for over two weeks, and cutting back on my eating and I have not lost any weight. I actually starting the whole cutting back thing before the end of December.

I don't know why I wrote all this or why I'm sharing, but cold reality hit me in the face today, and this was only one of the things I have to face and do it quickly.

Love, L

What I meant Was

2011-01-20T09:06:00.000-06:00

When i made the post on Monday about if you were receiving my blog by email, what i really meant was that if i send it to you. I didn't mean those of you who had subscribed. So just wanted to make that clear.
In the next few days I'm going to share what I have been reading on the Word of Faith Movement. I'm announcing that because I know that there are a lot of people who follow the health, wealth prosperity movement. Please do not read the posts if that is how you believe. I'm not trying to make anyone mad. I just want to share what I find out. A lot of my family follows or believes so I will mark the title to the posts with WOFM in the title, that way no one will be hurt or upset.

Thanks for being a follower of my blog.

Have a blessed day!

If You Receive my blogs by email

2011-01-17T11:23:00.000-06:00

This is just to let everyone know that if you were receiving my blog posts directly by email, you won't receive them any longer. Most everyone that was receiving was on face book. You can sign up to follow if you wish or you can unfollow if you wish. I just thought this way was simpler.

Look for new posts on all blogs, except for Beagle Downs sometime today.....

Later,
L

Chaparral Airlines, Abilene, Texas August 1981 to December 1982

2011-01-16T16:46:00.000-06:00

I graduated from Braniff Educations Systems, Inc in May of 1981. It was a vocational school program that taught you about the reservation systems and travel systems in order to work in reservations for an airline or at a travel agency. I was hired in August by Chaparral Airlines in 1981. I moved to Abilene Texas and lived there until December of 1982. I made many friends there and would love to reconnect after all this time.

One of my friends was named Annette Buck. We ran together along with Vicki Barker. Vicki had a daughter that was about 4 or 5 then whose name was Jacqueline. Another one of my friends was Linda Robinson who was originally from Missouri. Mary Cotten was a flight attendant and we too spent a lot of time together doing girl stuff, going dancing, and drinking among other things. Some of the others were Joni, Maryann, Donna, Minerva, Elvie, and one of our bosses was JoAnn Glenn. Joann got married while I was still there and moved to Vega Texas. I don't remember her married name or that of her husband. I lived down the street from Dyess Airforce Based and dated a few of the guys there.

Some of the pilots were Rick Ruhlmann, Bill Davis, and Chuck Grant I think. I don't remember many more of them. So I guess what I'm doing with this post is hoping that some of them will see it through face book, or google, or through networked blogs and contact me.

I also had a couple of friends that lived out there that was not involved in the airlines, but I was good friends with them. Judy and Bill Murphy. Now I know they were divorced, but not sure what happened after that.

My prayer is that God will direct this post out to where I can make contact with them again.

How Do You Measure Your Happiness?

2011-01-15T15:58:00.000-06:00

This has been on my mine a lot lately. How do you measure your happiness? Do you measure it by the material things you have? By the amount of money you have in the bank? Or do you measure it by the number of friends you have?

Do you truly know if you are happy? If you are happy, what is it that makes you happy? Is it knowing that you are safe and secure? Is it knowing that no matter what your spouse will love you? When was the last time you were truly happy and laughed all the time or had a smile on your face all the time?

I would love to see your answers or your thoughts on the subject. I will answer those questions myself in a blog to come. As I said, I have been contemplating these questions myself lately.

Later,
Love, L

A Special Friend

2011-01-11T20:12:00.000-06:00

I have many female friends that I talk to every now and then. I have a couple that I stay in close contact with and even though we might not talk on the phone for weeks, or months, it is always like we just saw each other and have great conversations.

One of my friends, whom I have known for many years now, sent me an email today and it was just what I needed. She is a very sweet, special lady, and always has a kind word and is ready to pray for me or anyone else whenever it is needed.

We are not of the same religious beliefs but that has never been a problem for us. We talk about our religion and I try to understand hers, and she understands mine. I'm never afraid to talk to her about Jesus or God.

We worked together for years and she has always been there in time of family emergencies like when my grandfather was in and out of the hospital and passed away, when my grandmother died, and she was that at my dad's memorial service after he passed away.

She came to my wedding shower, and my wedding and it meant a great deal to me. She is someone I have lots of memories of and with, and we both shared a special place for Mexican food when we worked in Las Colinas.

So This is a special blog for my very special friend, "Betty Cookie Kabakoff".

Thanks!
Love ya,
Laura

Time is getting closer

2011-01-09T20:07:00.000-06:00

We are proceeding with the plans for our vow renewal ceremony. Originally we were going to rent a place to party afterwards, but have decided to use the fellowship hall at the church. I also have talked to our youth band, "Unchained" and asked if they could play for us. Makayla agreed. I'm going to talk to her some more.

I also want to get some pictures from my mother in law and do a slide show of Norman and I to play before the ceremony. I plan to order a cake, have punch, coffee, tea, sodas, and some finger foods.
It may not be a very big ceremony or affair but it is something that we want to do. We would love for our families to be there, and some have responded. However, we are also going to invite our church family. I want this to be a cherished memory for us both.

I probably won't do much decorating in the sanctuary, but a few things here and there in the fellowship hall will probably happen. This is going to be a real fancy affair either. Again, though Norman and I are going to dress up, because we did a western wedding before. I've almost considered doing the wedding dress thing, but that isn't really me. Anyway, we want all our friends and family to come, and just visit and have a good time and be part of the cherished memory.

Now I just need to come up with how I want the ceremony and that will be another part complete.

Good night! God Bless!

So Many Thoughts, Not Enough Space or Time

2011-01-06T09:07:00.000-06:00

Okay so I could sleep late this morning and I woke up before four am. I finally got up at five something and pushed the button on the coffee pot. Why? Who knows why I woke up so early, but I dreamed a lot last night. Some of my dream had to do with renewing our vows, but the hymn Tenderly and Softly ( I think that is correct) kept running through my mind. Of course I am always thinking about how I can increase my income from writing, and I'm not talking about writing content. I can do that and I'm okay with that, but I have an extremely hard time writing about things I have no interest in or care about. So I know that just writing content is never going to be enough income. I love writing stories, books, poems (although I'm not as good at poems) and just little articles or pages dealing with life. I have writing posted on the website called triond and you make money off of it for people viewing or reading or whatever you want to call it. I've received a notice today that I made a whole .51 cents on the site this last month. Okay I know you are laughing, but here's the thing, I've not posted anything new on that site probably in months. So to make money when I haven't added anything new, means something to me. I also have articles and stories on http://www.helium.com/ and I have two or three dollars accumulated on that site as well, but you can't get paid from that one unless you have 25.00 or more.

On Monday of this week, I made a list of things that I wanted to work on this week, and I kind of starting working towards my goal of losing 35 pounds. By the way, I've lost 4 pounds since the 27th of December, and I'm not really trying, just increasing protein, water intake and the amount I eat, and how often I eat. Anyway, the list I compiled looked like this:

Triond
Helium
Blogs
Budget - completed, but needs to be changed a little
Math
Caity's Blanket
journal
devotional
Food log
telephone service - completed
vacuum cleaner belts - borrowed my niece's instead
Grant gopher
Vince's stuff - I've tried and I don't think I can accomplish this one.

Things I've done that weren't on that list are as follows:
made dog treats
cleaned the house
did laundry
exercised
new cell phones activated

Today is Thursday and the chances that I will get anything else done on the original list is very slim. I did start a journal entry this morning and I did make a list of items we still need to pay by the end of January, and that one is in God's hands. There is a recovery meeting tonight and I'm going to try to go, but... we will just leave it at that. (Ugh I need to take something out of the freezer for dinner)

I know that God never leaves us and we just have to trust in Him completely. That was my one and only resolution for the year, To Trust In God and Step out in Faith. So here it is God. I know you can sort through it and show me where and how, when, and why, and what.

May you all have a God Filled and Blessed Day!