And so, I tried every sort of procrastination to avoid sitting down and writing reflections on this past month, let alone the year. My room is a total disaster right now because focusing on the internal now is more important…as indicated by the fact that I would much rather hang shirts and sweep floors than write a meaningful sentence.

Reflections are coming, nevertheless. For now on What I’m Into, here are a few short items:

reading:

I didn’t finish a single book this month. Not one. But for a list of what I’ve read in 2013, visit my Goodreads shelf.

I am, however, savoring the final Harry Potter book. And by “savoring,” I mean moaning over Dobby while my roommates chuckle and watch TV. Also making obscure references at work which no one else in my office understands.

I also received the prayer journal of Flannery O’Connor for Christmas and it is beautiful. I’m planning to read an entry a day (or every couple days…however long I want to ruminate). Stay tuned, y’all.

watching:

The usuals: Grey’s Anatomy. Modern Family. Except not, because they’re on holiday hiatus or whatever. Instead I’ve been catching up on How I Met Your Mother.

Last night, my housemates introduced me to Parks & Rec, which was a pretty excellent decision on their part. Or not, because I guffawed over it all night long.

Also I saw Saving Mr. Banks in theater TWICE. I cried both times and laughed even more the 2nd time (if that’s possible). Emma Thompson is a genius, as always. If you haven’t seen it yet, get thee to a theater.

listening:

This Advent playlist. This is all I’ve listened to, all month long.

From that playlist, I also got into this album (In the Town of David, Ordinary Time) which I listened to all the other times.

living:

It doesn’t take much snow to shut down northern Virginia. A couple friends lost power in their homes, so we had a snow day sleepover as we all stayed home from work.

As a child, the absolute highlight of my Christmas was singing with a full choir and orchestra in our church’s Festival of Lessons and Carols. I may not be able to hit the high notes of the descants anymore, but for the first time in several years (thanks, college finals) I was home.

This month, I turned 22. I have mixed feelings about my birthday since it always seems to trigger a lot of anxiety and the past several have been rough. But this one was good. Brunch in Eastern Market, errands, dinner with the dad, and friends over for wine, dessert, a fire, and White Christmas. The highlight of my day by far? My sister-in-law sent me a recording of my 3-year-old nephew singing me happy birthday. I may have listened to it every day this month.

A few of my closest friends have been in town for the holidays. No matter how exhausted or anxious or quiet-deprived I have been, a couple hours with them is an entirely different sort of rest.
   

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As always, linking up with Leigh Kramer. What have you been into this month? Drop a note in the comments, or better yet, write a post and link up!

Wishing you all peace, joy, and whatever sort of New Year’s celebration makes you happy.

To revolt against that assumption, I leave you with this vignette from my day:

I awoke to my obnoxious first alarm (that’s right, the first…of THREE) and a text announcing a 2-hour delay. I passed the message on to my office and and settled in for another hour of sleep.

Yes, I thought as I burrowed deeper into my sheets, I am SO GLAD I live in northern Virginia now and am no longer homeschooled!

Ten minutes later, I cracked open an eye because…the sun kept me from falling asleep. From my bed I could see a dusting of snow melting from the neighbor’s roof and not a single bit of ice on my car.

Sigh. I can’t justify coming in to work 2 hours late for this.

Thus continues the adventure of learning to adult.

Two months later, I’m curled up in our second-hand armchair, fire glowing and pine-scented candles lit, watching Elf with my roommates as the potato soup begins to simmer.

(Just kidding. Reality: The fire is barely alive despite our best efforts because the wood is bad. We didn’t plan to make potato soup tonight, it was more like “Sh@! we have potatoes and carrots and milk we need to use and this does not look at ALL like we envisioned so let’s puree half of it and cover it with cheese and maybe cilantro which fixes all our problems!”

But we are watching Elf which will never stop being hilarious, the soup is delicious, and the cheap Glade candles do the trick.)

Anyway, here’s what I’ve been up to as I’ve been learning how to adult:

reading:

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Power of the Enneagram (Herb Pearce and Karen Brees): I’ve been on an Enneagram research kick, as you can see by my reading list. My favorite part of this book was the sections on the individual types which had sections like “verbal and nonverbal cues of type ___”, “things type ___ actually says,” and “things type ___ wishes they could say.” That really brought the more theoretical material I read in the other books to a practical level. I’ve narrowed my type to a couple possibilities, but I have a lot to learn and just want to sit with it for a while to see where I land.

Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition (Christine D. Pohl): Pohl writes in an academic yet approachable style. It perhaps could have been a shorter book; nevertheless, I appreciated her incorporation of primary sources to trace hospitality throughout Christianity’s history and her interaction with contemporary organizations attempting to live out hospitality in a profound way. She acknowledges the messiness of a hospitable life without sending the reader on a guilt trip. Perhaps the best thing I can say is that since reading this book I have been more attentive to cultivating a spirit of hospitality in my own life.

Discovering Your Personality Type (Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson): This one falls in between Understanding and Idiot’s Guide. Practical, detailed, with a little background information. This one also includes the full “official” test.

Understanding the Enneagram: The Practical Guide to Personality Types (Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson): Instead of the full test, this book has a series of 20 statements for each type reflecting how they think and act. This one also has more material about the origin of the Enneagram. More theoretical, more “spiritual,” and lots of diagrams.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J. K. Rowling): Experienced serious book-grief over this, even though I’d already heard about the ending. I can’t even.

watching:

Not a whole lot of TV this month, though I have managed to keep up with Modern Family and Grey’s. I do not like where Grey’s is headed, but I’m too invested to give up on the characters now.

One of my roommates has never seen Downton Abbey, so we’re all going through the series together. It just doesn’t get old.

After Thanksgiving I broke my “book before movie” principle to see The Book Thief with my mom and sister. Wow. Not at all what I expected, and totally beautiful. Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson are brilliant. I’m eagerly waiting my turn on the library hold list to read the book!

browsing:

After 2 weeks without internet in my house, I’m seriously behind in this area. Bring me up to speed, y’all!

• “Ask a Reformed Pastor…” (Jes Kast-Keat at Rachel Held Evans): “Bread, wine water. Gifts of grace for you.”
• “The Enneagram as a Spiritual Practice” (Leigh Kramer at Emily McFarlan Miller): “We each have a primary flaw, and we don’t know how to function without it. It serves us well at first, but at a certain point, we realize our go-to style no longer works. If we then can admit our ‘gift’ actually hurts us, we can begin the work of transformation. We must overcome our contradictions while also affirming them.”
• “when God does not fear my angry prayers” (Preston Yancey): “Tell me, what is more reverent–reverent, a word which means showing deep and solemn respect–to stand before God and say, Whatever, or to stand before God and say, Because You have promised better, do better.”
• “the bravest thing” (John @ the beautiful due): “…what the/surface of the world needs most/of all is bravery skipping and/you, yes you are the stone.”

living:

I began October with a trip to my alma mater for my first-ever homecoming. Pretty surreal, actually. As I drove the deeply-rutted country roads past my church, listening to Gungor and eating Sheetz fries out of the bag, I felt as if I’d never left. As if the last 6 months hadn’t happened. But by the end of the weekend I knew I didn’t belong there as a student anymore. Healthy, as it should be, and the reunions were sweeter for it.

Speaking of Gungor, I attended their I Am Mountain tour when they came to DC! I went alone, but had the joy of running into some old friends. Gungor put on a spectacular show and I have a deeper appreciation for their newest album now.

My friend Avery and I went on our first small plane flight with a Thunderbird crew chief! I’ve always loved flying, but small planes are a whole different kind of rush. Total euphoria:
   

Our little ’70s house, which looks surprisingly like my childhood Illinois home, is finally set up with hand-me-down furniture and decor from my roommates’ travels. We’ve begun to explore the trails from our backyard that surround a lake–a welcome reprieve in crazy NOVA suburbia. Our kitchen is semi-controlled chaos. I bought a big-girl mattress and once again sleep under my own quilt, surrounded by photos of beloved faces. We’ve had a couple opportunities to put on a pot of chili, build a fire, and have friends stop in. We all hope our space will bring peace and warmth to anyone who enters.
   

Finally my sister and her family adopted my third niece, Noelle! She came to us last Christmas, and the court finalization on November 23 took place exactly 11 months to the day after they met her for the first time. I am overjoyed to say that the miracle I see at my job is now part of my family’s story!

_______________

So, that was my autumn. What have you been reading, watching, eating, etc.? Leigh’s link-up is almost officially closed, but drop a note in the comments or link to a post of your own!

Without further ado, here is what I have been into this month:

reading:

finished:

• Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix (J. K. Rowling). Probably my least favorite of the Harry Potter books so far…Harry’s just kind of a brat. He’s an angsty teenager. Maybe his outbursts reminded me of a few of my own. But I think this painful stage of the series was necessary, because Rowling leaves no room for delusions about her characters. That vulnerability makes me root for them even when I don’t like them.
• The Cloister Walk (Kathleen Norris). I almost feel like I need to read this again. Because of my very American Protestant background I am painfully ignorant about the saints. I think that’s why my favorite chapters were about some of the women martyr saints I’d never heard of before. But here is my favorite quote from the whole book. It basically describes my journey to Anglicanism: The altar gleamed, bone-white, before the dark wood of the monks’ choir, and I could dare to conceive of the Church as refuge, a place to find the divided self made whole, the voice of the mocker overcome by the voice of the advocate. It is still a sinful Church–how could it be otherwise?–but the words of its prophets and apostles has led me to this sanctuary, and I could dare to imagine it as home, a place where there is no ‘other.’

in progress:

• Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition (Christine Pohl)
• Absalom, Absalom! (William Faulkner)
• Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince (J. K. Rowling)

watching:

movies:

No theater ventures this month, but I did watch The Young Victoria with a friend last week. SO good! I think It’s the only movie I’ve happy-cried over.

As I wrote this post, I also watched When Harry Met Sally. Oh, Meg Ryan. Nora Ephron. Billy Crystal. Old couples. 90s hair. Fake orgasms in a diner and bad karaoke in a department store.

television:

• Grey’s Anatomy. Excited to see the character development this season, especially in Cristina Yang. I’m super bummed that it’s Sandra Oh’s last season; and I’m worried about Callie and Arizona.
• Modern Family. Three thoughts: 1) I am really disoriented by Luke’s and Manny’s lower voices.  2) Mitch & Cam Mitch & Cam Mitch & Cam! 3) Oh my god, I am Claire.
• Downton Abbey. As my friend said, for most of the first episode Lady Mary stalked around Downton like a member of the Addams family. Robert is really irritating me right now. But you know what? I’m still glad the show’s back.

browsing:

• How the Christian orphan care movement may be enabling child abandonment (Kristen Howerton). “[A] child should not have to be abandoned at an orphanage to receive aid. If we can feed and educate a child in an orphanage, we can feed and educate a child living at home.”
• For My Sons: On Depression (Addie Zierman). “We are made out of the same stuff, weaved together by the spiraling strands of our shared DNA — and this might be in you…I want you to know so that you’ll be on the lookout. So that you won’t try to fill the empty spaces with drugs or girls or booze. And also, I want you to know so that you won’t beat yourself up, trying to cram more Jesus into that emptiness, feeling like a failure in your faith if you can’t seem to find Him there.” (my momma could’ve written this to me)
• Six Words You Need to Hear Today (Rachel Held Evans). “God doesn’t love us because we’ve earned it. God loves us because we are God’s children. God created this world and everything in it–don’t you think God delights in it? Don’t you think God loves us at least as much as a good parent who delights in the activities of her children, regardless of whether they get everything right?”
• When I am an Evangelical (Preston Yancey). “I believe in the God who is big and loud and heals and answers when we ask. I will always love liturgy, feel rooted there, need a weekly Eucharist and to cross myself, but I also need, beyond that, the fiery moments of radical belief and trust.”

listening:

• I Am Mountain (Gungor). Because duh. Wasn’t sure how I felt about it in the beginning, but I appreciate it more with every listen! I’m excited to spend more time with it on my roadtrip next weekend.
• Bright Morning Stars (The Wailin’ Jennys). This is my office jam. Swing low, sail high.
• Voyages (Skyward). A local Virginian band, I’ve known the bassist since middle school. I’ve had their newest album on repeat in my car & it’s a huge improvement from their first songs.

living:

• I attended my first informational meeting for an MSW program. All the professors were sufficiently eccentric, but it was all so overwhelming. Is it even possible to hold a job and get a degree at the same time? This might be my biggest Tim Gunn moment ever.
• I learned that if I ever live alone, I should not have plants. While my folks were away, I may or may not have hid this so my guests didn’t have to see wilty plants. I may have not been able to find it after my guests left. My dad my have discovered 5 days later that it wasn’t enough me to to put the plant in the closet, I had to hide it behind his ties. This is why I can’t have nice things:

• My church began their fall Alpha course (my very first!) with a huge party. It was basically a wedding reception. With all my dream Pinterest hors d’oeuvres. About 90 people RSVP’d. We planned, optimistically, for 140. And we had 190 guests at this party. We didn’t know where we would fit everyone and if we would have enough food…but everyone had a seat and we had 5 portions of leftovers. LEFTOVERS!

• September was basically a month of parties since we also had a birthday party for two women in my small group. I danced for 5 hours without stopping, expended 2 weeks of social energy, got home at 3:30am, slept all day Sunday, and had a total ball.

• I attended a Battle of the Bands where my friend and his band competed in the final round. I learned that night clubs are not my scene at all, but they played a spectacular show. And I got to see a lot of old friends I’ve known since elementary and middle school. The fact that I still often see people who’ve known me that long sometimes feels a little weird, but mostly it is comforting.

• I started autumn the right way: a Greek food festival, Harry Potter, pumpkin ale, and a smoke:

• A year ago, I decided to grow out my hair. Here’s a comparison:

So that was my September. What have you been reading, watching, wearing, listening to, eating, or doing? Drop a note in the comments or write a blog post of your own and link up at Leigh’s place.

I am from the Japanese maple flaming vermillion every fall,
and the birch tree whose bark I used for paper.

I am from angel food cake on Easter and bratwurst on UNL game day;
I am from “scientific” expeditions and “all-night” read-a-thons,
from Green Gables, Sunnybrook Farm, and Thimbleberry Lane.

I am from the old Baptist hymnal and four-part harmonies;
from tell me the stories of Jesus and look full in His wonderful face.
I am from Advent hymns sung around one small flame.

I am from Columbia, Missouruh and Lincoln, Nebraska;
from Wheaton, Illinois, Germantown, Maryland,
and every other place my heart has found a home.
I am from Shady Grove metro station,
rutted Pennsylvania roads,
and wide Midwestern spaces.

I am from Alma Smith Dilse,
who laughed deep and fearlessly beheaded a snake in one snap;
I am from Catherine Lucille Leininger,
who raised two families in her one lifetime and never forgot a birthday.

I am from the journals starting with Winnie the Pooh in 1998.
I am from the faded pink cocoon-brace and worn X-rays.
I am from razors thrown into the trash.
I am from the large, old, stained-glass church grown small with familiarity.
I am from the corner of the library with the small, round window.
I am from yellowed recipe files and knitting needles.
I am from tattered commentaries stacked high as my questions,
and Holy, holy, holy sung every night.

I have gotten rid of the horrible Windows 95 look on my computer, changed my background to make me happy, added little things to make the space mine. I still haven’t touched the supply closet or the file room. That will come after the necessary training hours. 

I don’t jump when the phone rings anymore, nor steady myself with a deep breath before making a simple call. I still cross my fingers and pray for the voice mail, but the questions don’t intimidate me as much as before. I tell the voice on the other end that I am learning, too; I am gathering information with them and for them.

_______________

On my way home I pass the Anglican church I found long before I ever came to this job. I walked in on my second Sunday in Virginia, anxious and unhappy. Despite my anxiety, I felt the Spirit move in the Doxology. To join in their harmonies felt like entering an electric current. Some of them prayed quietly in ways I’ve never heard in my life–and, to my surprise, I was unafraid.

Two weeks later, they invited me out to the Irish pub across the street. I knew I would make my home with them the first time I let out my real laugh, the kind that bubbles out when I am genuinely happy.

_______________

As I change seasons and settle into this new life, I am so keenly aware that I never would have chosen it for myself. This life is something God gently eased into my heart and my hands:

Four months ago as I studied for my last finals, I planned to stay in my college town, pay rent by waiting tables and working the outlets, and find opportunities on my own.

Three months ago as I ate breakfast at my parents’ kitchen table, I put all my job-searching efforts into Getting Out Of Virginia.

Two months ago as I drove home from the pub, I realized it might not be so awful to stay if I could keep getting to know these new friends.

One month ago, I said yes to this job, to this place, to these people, to this time.

I don’t know how long I will be here. I am learning to hold my plans loosely. But for now, this tired nomad’s heart is learning to settle in.

reading:

completed

The only book I’ve actually finished this month is The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which I read all in one sitting yesterday. I have mixed feelings about Perks, but I would have loved it in high school. I’m glad I didn’t wait too long to read it. The thing I loved most, I think, was Charlie’s capacity to see a whole person; to look at even the people who hurt him and understand what made them the way that they are. I hope to be so gracious in my own relationships.

in progress

•  The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron) – on hiatus until I am settled into this whole 8-hour-workday + 1-hour-commute lifestyle.
• My Life in France (Julia Child)
• Absalom, Absalom! (William Faulkner)
• The Cloister Walk (Kathleen Norris)
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (J. K. Rowling)

watching:

movies

• The Wolverine. This $5 movie venture with friends only confirmed that superhero movies are not my thing (unless they are Batman). I am not ashamed to admit that I watched parts of it through my fingers.
• Miss Potter. I introduced a few friends to this one a couple weekends ago. I just love the development of Beatrix Potter, the strength she shows. This movie is bittersweet and whimsical. Highly recommend.

television

• 30 Rock. I just finished season 6, about to start season 7.
• So You Think You Can Dance. Best. Season. Yet. I’m thrilled that my favorite 4 made it into the finale! As much as I love them all, I’m rooting for Jasmine (so elegant) and Aaron (personality + technique):

• Project Runway. I always miss the start of PR, but inevitably around episode 5 I see a commercial for the current season. “Oh, I’ll pass this time,” I say to myself. But Tim Gunn always brings me back and before I can tell myself to “make it work!” it becomes a regular part of my DVR rotation. I’m happy to see they’ve featured Tim more prominently in the judging panel.
• Finally, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS:

browsing:

As an introvert myself, the constant listicles about introvert problems are getting old. But INFJs are allegedly the most “extroverted” of the introverts, which perhaps explains why I found myself identifying with a few items on this list: 25 Frustrating Things About Being an Extrovert.

In which [love looks like] an empty parking lot (Sarah Bessey): “It’s a funny thing to revisit old haunts, to see yourselves fifteen years ago burning with passion and Somedays, when you are now older with babies and memories and stories, still somehow dreaming of Someday. We’ve hit that point, the point when we remember each other back then, and we know now.”

Why Every City Needs a Central Park (Howard Freeman): “Residents and visitors alike have found [Central Park] an urban paradise that we couldn’t imagine living without. That word–paradise–comes from an Old Persian term for places that are ‘positive, harmonious and timeless.’ From pairi + diz, it means a ‘walled enclosure’ or garden. As humans, perhaps especially as Christians, we are drawn to the idea of a walled garden, a sheltered escape from our daily lives and an invitation to renewal.”

At a loss for words? Here’s 24 Disney Comebacks for Every Occasion:

Self-marketing Is Not Boasting (Martha Byrne): “[W]hen I’m afraid to make my strengths known, my relationships will never benefit from what I could bring to the table. If I always wait around for someone to ask the question or pry the truth from my privacy grip, I’m not exhibiting any confidence in the good gifts God gave me…When we open our souls and acknowledge that what he made was good — including our insights, our personality traits, our strength and beauty — we allow others to see how God didn’t hold back in breathing into us life that reflects his nature and completes his purpose.”

when God allows us to say when (Preston Yancey): “I believe that God allows us to throw up our hands at all the questions and say, ‘This one thing, this one particular thing, this is the question I can handle for right now and for this season. Meet me in it and may the rest come when it is the right time to answer them.’ And then you sit with the question. Slow. Sometimes for years. You turn it over and over, set it aside, come back to it, angle it, tip it. You find that there are answers littered throughout the world and as you stumble your way you find one morning you have been walking in its peace for a season or more, then you wonder why it was ever a question, and you know its simple grace.”

“Follow Your Heart” (Hännah Ettinger): “I can’t just make choices for the sake of ‘balance’ when my creative self is atrophied and disoriented–there is no balance without health in all parts. Fighting fragments of evangelical Gnosticism keeps getting stranger and stranger. It’s not just the body we’ve forgotten, but the heart, too.”

Having a bad day? These 25 Meryl Streep GIFs will make you feel better.

The Girl on The Trampoline (Tracey Rouse): “My trampoline became my sanctuary. It was my favorite place to be. Ironically given what a reckless daredevil I could be on it, to me it was the safest place I could think of…Let me tell you, that trampoline feels a lot smaller and a lot more dangerous to me than it did twenty years ago. Then again, so does life.”

listening:

Because I have joined the ranks of D.C. commuters (it takes me an hour to go 15 miles, y’all), I have plenty of time to listen. Renovatus Church sermons are a pretty regular thing. I’ve also gotten hooked on NPR, a sure sign that I’m entering the grown-up world. And Audrey Assad released a new album (Fortunate Fall), but her older album Heart reflects my life pretty accurately right now, particularly these:

cooking:

• I experimented with this coffee cake in a mug. I recommend substituting brown sugar for white in the batter, and doubling the streusel recipe.

• I made this garlic shrimp linguine–one of my favorite pasta dishes.

living:

The Big Thing of August is that I started my first post-college job as an administrative assistant for an adoption agency. Getting a job in social work is not easy when you don’t have a degree in human services, so I am amazed that I have this opportunity to learn casework before I go for my MSW in a couple years! The last 2 weeks have been total Mental Overload. Thankfully, energy is returning and I’m having fewer headaches as my body adjusts to a new schedule and my mind grows familiar with my work. My coworkers are a blast–they welcomed me first thing with a fun basket and a bouquet (picked out by a coworker’s toddler)! We laugh a lot, and I’m glad to say that I enjoy my job.

Other things I’ve done in August:

Truro Young Adults sent our friend Jason off in-style as he embarks on his YWAM adventure in Australia! We gave him a party memorable enough to last the whole 6 months. Obviously there were leis and lots of dancing.
  

I got my first-ever gel manicure! For years I felt self-conscious of my small nail-beds, and I couldn’t keep them looking nice when I was stressed (or reading, or thinking). Now that I’ve crossed this off my bucket list, keeping them up myself is a major part of self-care.

During my week of job training, I got to stay in my very own hotel room for the first time! King-size bed and everything. Richmond, VA is a pretty cool city, y’all.

My church had a 2-day book sale the first weekend of August. I snuck in at the end, so they handed me a bag and told me to fill it for $5. I got this stack, plus more. What a steal! And the Cairns book? It’s signed!

I can NOT get over the sunsets and the clouds lately. Seriously.
   

So that was my August! I love this link-up (hosted by Leigh Kramer) and I can’t wait to read about your month.

[P.S. – I never really appreciated Labor Day in school–it always threw off my groove–but I am so thankful for a day off tomorrow. My plan: drink pumpkin spice everything and finish Order of the Phoenix! What will you be doing?]

I’ve had a chance to experiment in the kitchen here and there this summer, mostly with baking (because DESTRESS). But I made this pasta dish a couple times, and I have to say it’s one of my favorites. So aromatic, so sophisticated (because cooking with wine)…but so easy! This recipe takes about 30 minutes and makes 6-8 servings.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound uncooked linguine
• 4 tbsp. butter
• 1/2 c. white wine
• 2 tbsp. lemon juice
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• chopped basil, to taste
• salt & pepper, to taste
• 1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined

Process:

1. While the water’s boiling and the pasta’s cooking, melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat.
2. Add garlic and saute in the butter for a couple minutes. Add the lemon juice, the wine, and salt/pepper. Stir frequently until the sauce has reduced (3-5 minutes).
3. Add shrimp; cook 3-4 minutes on each side, until opaque. This is the best part because the sauce smells delicious and this step is one big game. All the shrimp have to lay evenly in the pan (like a puzzle) AND you have to turn all the shrimp before they overcook (like Whack-A-Mole).
4. Sprinkle basil in the last minute or so. Garnish with grated Parmesan cheese (and by “garnish,” I mean grate half a block…but that’s just me).
5. Take satisfaction in this and save some for leftovers:

reading:

This has been a slow month for me in terms of reading. I’ve finished a couple things and am in the middle of several…but that just means there’s more to look forward to in August!

completed:

• Hannah Coulter (Wendell Berry). One of my favorite moments from this month is the night I sat on our little apartment deck, surrounded by my mother’s plants, and read this during a cool summer storm. I laughed and cried through this short book and now it has a special corner in my heart.
• Orphan Justice: How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting (Johnny Carr). Johnny Carr draws on both research and his experience as an adoptive father, pastor, and orphan care advocate in this introductory book. He writes about orphan care as it relates to a variety of social issues (poverty, HIV/AIDS, the foster care system, trafficking, etc.). This book is not exhaustive; rather, it is an introduction and an invitation to explore the complexity of the mandate to “care for widows and orphans.”

in progress:

•  The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron) – on week 5.
• My Life in France (Julia Child)
• Absalom, Absalom! (William Faulkner)
• The Cloister Walk (Kathleen Norris)

watching:

movies:

• Despicable Me 2. The fact that I haven’t seen Despicable Me 1 did not stop me from a $5 movie venture! I was pleasantly surprised by this one. LOVED the character of Agnes. And also the preview for the Lego movie looked super cool.
• The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. In the first few minutes, I thought this movie might be a combination of Anne of Avonlea and Mona Lisa Smile. While it is somewhat similar (young, attractive teacher empowers and develops young girls while experiencing romance and upsetting the administration), The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie is a much heavier movie. I understand why this role won Maggie Smith the Oscar and catapulted her career. She does excellent work in this film.
•  Saving Mr. Banks. I was in tears over the trailer, so I imagine I’ll be a mess at the end of the movie. Mary Poppins was one of my absolute favorite movies as a little girl; I’ve only grown to love it more as I’ve gotten older. Also, I had a college professor very much like P. L. Travers. Starring Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson, this hits theaters in December.

television:

The usuals: 30 Rock (halfway through season 5), The Bachelorette (getting TOO ridiculous), and So You Think You Can Dance (still waiting for Mia, but otherwise fabulous).

listening:

It’s been a pretty scattered month for me as far as music habits, but I have been enjoying The Head & The Heart’s self-titled album. 

I haven’t listened to a sermon outside of church since I was in high school…until now. I’m going through Jonathan Martin’s series, Seen: Through the Eyes of Women in the Gospels. I just started over the weekend and I’m taking it slow, so I imagine you’ll hear more about this next month. For now, I’m camping out in Luke 13:10-17 with Jesus and the daughter of Abraham.

browsing:

Here are some of the articles that caught my attention on the Internet this month:

• Natasha Metzler shares how to make your own backyard herbal tea.
• Brenna D’Ambrosio writes on Sarah Bessey’s blog about Holy Spirit tears and what happens when you don’t have the gift of tongues in a Pentecostal/charismatic tradition.
• Ann Voskamp prays for broken-hearted daughters.
• Micah J. Murray discusses the nuances of the many definitions of “church”.
• Antonia Terrazas remembers prophetic words, doubt, and the praying-writing life.
• The printable you’ll see on my desk? Jenny Stewart designed a whole lovely collection of them.
• Finally, a poem from John Blase: “Bending Toward a Rightness”.

living:

July has been a long month–the last 2 weeks or so I dealt with the mean reds–but it has been full of good things, too.

• Annapolis. The first weekend of July I got to visit one of my closest friends from school. She will be leaving in the fall to earn her Masters in the UK and I couldn’t be more proud of her (or more eager to visit this winter). We baked scones using our professor’s famous recipe, ate crepes on the dock, watched movies that no other family members enjoy, and talked until 2AM every morning. Her family is crazy-delightful, and my time with them has been the most refreshing of the summer.

• Theatre. This month I was introduced to Capital Fringe, an annual theatre festival in DC for local artists. I could only attend one show (Dark House by Tarpley Long) during the festival, but I am so impressed with the variety of productions available and the quality of the work. I’m already looking forward to next summer! I also attended my church’s summer production of Annie, in partnership with a local theatre company. I’m so grateful to be part of a church that supports the arts in the church and in the larger community.

• Summer is a season of celebration for my family. All the family birthdays and anniversaries run from May to September…except for me, a December kid. This month we celebrated my mom’s birthday and my parents’ 23rd wedding anniversary!

• After a couple months of making shift at the kitchen table, on the couch, and in my bed, I finally built a desk! I found this little table on sale at Staples and put it together myself with a power drill. I’m so grateful to finally have a designated place to write and work.

Happy July, friends! Looking forward to reading about your month too.

It goes like this:

I wake up one morning with a heavy ache deep down that I can’t name. Instead of dealing with it directly in my morning writing, I wrap over it with other things–prayers that don’t feel so weighty, reading that distracts me, small groups and lunches and coffee dates. I put all my energy towards developing new relationships in this new place. Often I wonder if I try so hard to be liked so that I can ignore the ache that still won’t ease.

Then a friend who recently moved to my hometown instagrams a photo of a coffee shop corner. Although I haven’t been there in years I know exactly where she is. I can see the whole familiar place.

That night I lie awake until 4 AM and I don’t know why.

_______________

The next week, my pastor writes that they are using Thomas Cranmer’s final 1552 edition of the Book of Common Prayer as their order of service that evening. He invites anyone who reads to come and I jump up to grab my keys, ready to drive the 5 hours and 297 miles to worship with people I love in a place I know.

Instead I go to worship at my new church and take Communion with people I am learning to love in a place I am learning to know. Jesus is there just the same.

A few days later I listen to the sermon podcast from that service. The ache I’ve muffled so far sharpens when I realize I can identify the individual laughs in the congregation.

_______________

Lately I’ve been asked by more than one new friend if I miss college. A reasonable question since I just graduated 2 months ago. At first, my answer surprised me just as much as it does the askers: Of course I miss student-friends and graduate-friends…but I don’t miss The College Experience. Not yet, anyway.

The ache I feel is for the town and the people who live in it–quirkier and more varied than any Gilmore Girls cast. I yearn for the side streets I learned to cut through and the open country roads I drove to clear my head and talk with God. I miss the coffee shop downtown that hosts local musicians and sells art that no one would expect to find in western PA. I ache to hear the giggles of the toddlers who run wild after church, to feel the arms of the exuberant middle school girls around my neck, to re-enter the homes and see the faces of teachers and friends who became family to me. The longing is so strong lately that most nights I experience in my dreams these things which I can only imagine when I am awake.

_______________

This homesick ache, combined with my uncertain future, is the worst case of The Mean Reds I’ve ever had. You know, that condition that Holly Golightly says is even more horrible than The Blues.

I am slowly–through many errors–beginning to feel my way through The Mean Reds. Or at least to sit still and wait them out.

I make my bed. I put away anything out of its place. I remember my morning routine. I shower, paying special attention to the way my shaving razor navigates the ridges and valleys of my ankles and knees. I dress in yoga pants and my favorite chambray button-down. I re-clasp the necklace I wear every day and think of the meaning behind Emily Dickinson’s engraved words, “Hope is the thing with feathers/That perches in the soul”. I release my damp hair from the towel and finger the curls I have today.

I brew Earl Grey, light my candles, and begin the music that sounds like home. I write and name until the ache subsides and the fear shrinks, leaving quiet and gratitude in their wake.

And when I go to bed, I pray:

Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life my rest in your eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.