Laura's TTC Journey

Diva Cup Review and Giveaway

2012-11-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

It should be no surprise that I am a little out there and into non-conventional things. It's also no surprise that I am extremely open in what I discuss and since this is a blog about infertility and women issues, this post is going to contain a whole bunch of TMI information. If you are not comfortable with reading about menstrual cycles and anything of the sort, turn away now. Otherwise, you have been warned. Let the cycle talk begin.

I have been a Diva Cup user for almost 3 years now. I was first introduced to menstrual cups and devices when I was frequenting a fertility/trying to conceive website. Before then I had never heard of a Diva Cup. So what is it, you may ask?

The DivaCup is a bell-shape cup that is made of a soft silicone that catches your menstrual flow vs soaking it up like tampons or pads do. Your first thought is most likely Ewwwwww, right? Mine was. But the more educated I became on the Diva Cup, the more it peaked my interest.

I have been having menstrual cycles since I was 9. Yes, you read that right, 9 years old, the age where some girls are still playing with Barbie dolls, I was dealing with Aunt Flow and learning about pads and sanitary supplies. My cycles never were like clock work. (and now with my PCOS diagnosis, I know why) I would have months of no bleeding, then months of non-stop bleeding. This went on for years, and is STILL taking place. I have invested A LOT of money in tampons since I would go through close to 2 of the large boxes, a month! The thought alone of how much I would be saving is what peaked my interest. Add to that the fact that I could wear the Diva Cup during any part of flow without the risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome) I was sold! I always had that worry in the back of my head of.....what flow am I experiencing right now? What absorbancy tampon should I use?? Is that only spotting? There is none of that worry with the Diva Cup. I can even insert my Diva Cup before the expected Aunt Flow arrival and still be okay! (which eliminates the "Oh crap, Aunt Flow just showed and ruined my white pants/panties!) The definitive "I made the right choice" is when I used the Diva Cup for the first time and it didn't HURT like tampons always did. It is no shocker that Aunt Flow is a very uncomfortable and downright painful time for a woman. But there shouldn't be any extra pain caused from tampon insertion/use. I had chronic pain while using tampons. My first cycle using the Diva Cup, there was no pain with insertion and I could not even feel it! I was sold, I am a Diva Cup user for life.

Go here for more information and perks on a Diva Cup. To find a retailer who carries Diva Cup, go to the Store Finder or Here to buy now. Also, "Like" Diva Cup on Facebook and Follow on Twitter.

Now, for a chance to win one of your own!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

***DISCLAIMER - The products in this review were provided to me free of cost for the purpose of conducting this review. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and are not influenced by monetary compensation. ***

The Time Has Come to Clear the Air

2012-08-13T05:19:00.002-07:00

Many have recently heard of me ridding any and all baby items from my house. If you haven't, well I am. Technically, according to my husband, I was supposed to have been ridding everything baby from the house for 2 years now. Well, hubby wants the baby items gone, I am hanging onto them for that slim chance that I will get pregnant again and have a use for them. The time has come for us to do a huge Spring clean on our house and we have a dump pile growing each day to be taken to the landfill. All of the baby items made it in there. Why? Because they have been taking up space for 5 years! So hubby said that if they are not gone by Wednesday they're going to the dump.

Gotta love Facebook and the wide spread of people it can reach. Within 10 minutes I had my first lot sold. Posted a 2nd lot of items, my whole stash of cloth diapers being in that lot. Now, I started buying these cloth diapers so I would be prepared for our next child, I could do the eco-friendly diapering with this one from birth to potty training, etc. So these were like gold to me, I would not even let anyone think about buying these from me. The mere thought would send me into an emotional state. I posted those cloth diapers without ANY emotion. That is how I knew I was making the right choice.

That is how I know I AM making the right choice. I have decided that I am ending my journey. Why now? Because next month (in two weeks exactly) I am supposed to be doing one more round of Femara, my final round, THE LAST round before doctors decide that my journey has come to an end. I want to be the one ending my journey for myself, not doctors, not meds, but ME. This is my journey after all.

I am content with this decision. Extremely content. Anybody who knows me or my journey knows this has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but more importantly, one hell of a journey learning so much about myself. I do not feel like I have any regrets about my journey or my decision to end it. I have tried all there is to try, natural and fertility med wise, including both Eastern & Western remedies. I have had the lovely experience of Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome (OHSS), cysts rupturing, Metformin that left me sick for a full year, and more meds/supplements than anyone my age should be taking. I have also had the lovely experience of meeting some fantastic doctors, some shitty doctors and even more shitty doctors. I have met some wonderful ladies that have provided me with the best support, hugs and virtual shoulders to cry on. I have learned A LOT about my body, my conditions, and what to expect down the road with them all.

I am fine. No, this time I do not have to keep reminding myself of this. I REALLY am fine with this decision. I am ready to move on with my life. For the last 4.5 years (yes, it really has been THAT long this time) I feel like I have been in a pit of quick sand. No matter what I do, I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper, yet the more I fight and struggle to free myself, the deeper I sink and still end up going nowhere. I'm still stuck in that pit of quick sand and I want out. I'm getting out!

I have goals already set for myself, ones that would require me to NOT be pregnant and I am looking forward to achieving those goals. See You're Doing What? post if you need filled in on what I am doing. A short little summary, I am competing in a Bikini and Physique Competition. (think body building meets sexy curvy bodies, and you compete!) I also have been working with a photographer taking risque outdoor nude/semi-nude boudoir'ish type of pics. Again another goal that would be ideal to do not feeling big and pregnant. (although I would LOVE to take pics of this nature hugely pregnant but for this goal at this time, a curvy NON-Pregnant body is ideal!)

My heart does not hurt right now and not one tear has been shed. I think the time has finally come that I can honestly say, I am done, and mean it.

*Now for all of those that still have Hope or think that me ending my journey now is the missing link that will jinx us, let me put this out there. My body DID just spontaneously ovulate on its own, so there IS that possibility right now. That being said, it will be no heartbreak for me if the mean old witch shows in a couple weeks. NONE!*

Bikini Transformation Update

2012-08-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

It has been two months since I set a goal of by June of next year I will have competed in a Bikini & Physique Competition. I have been incorporating various forms of exercises to keep from getting bored. (and what I can fit into my schedule) Yoga, walking ~3.5 miles 3 times a week, Brazilian Butt Lift, Insanity Workout, 30 Day Shred, and Bowflex. I get bored easily. :) I am now up to working out 5 times a week. Posting my measurements so I can see where I am progressing. Here is a reminder of what my starting measurements were.

Measurements for 6/2/2012:

Starting weight- 127.2 lbs.
Neck- 12 1/2"
Left Bicep-10 1/2"
Right Bicep- 11"
Bust- 35"
Chest- 30"
Waist- 29 3/4"
Hips- 36"
Left Thigh- 20 1/2"
Right Thigh- 20 1/2"
Left Calf- 12 1/2"
Right Calf- 12 1/2"

And now measurements for 8/9/12:

~ Weight- 127.1 (stayed the same, but had some yo-yo weight loss/gain)
~ Neck- 12 1/2" (stayed the same)

~ Left Bicep-11" (+1/2")
~ Right Bicep- 11" (stayed the same, definitely can see more muscle definition)

~ Bust- 34 1/2" (-1/2") :(
~ Chest- 30 1/2" (+1/2")

~ Waist- 29 3/4" (stayed the same)
~ Hips- 35 1/2" (-1/2")

      ~ Left Thigh- 20 1/2" (stayed the same)
      ~ Right Thigh- 20 1/2" (stayed the same)
      ~ Left Calf- 12 3/4" (+1/4")

~ Right Calf- 12 3/4" (+1/4")

Overall, feeling very fit, still drinking my one mocha a day, eating right, but need to work on getting more water throughout the day.

FertiliTea, FertilAid, FertileCM and Fertility Yoga Review & Giveaway

2012-07-24T06:46:00.002-07:00

Good night, that is a mouth full! Yes, I am reviewing 4 different products which means that the great people over at Fairhaven Health will be giving one lucky winner a pretty cool prize package of everything I am reviewing for you today. So let me get straight to it because I have a lot to say about each product.

I was sent a package that was tailored to my fertility needs and contained FertiliTea, FertilAid, FertileCM and Bend, Breathe, Conceive Fertility Yoga dvd. Most already know, but if you don't, I have PCOS and I don't ovulate on my own.

FertiliTea "a herbal fertility tea designed to support the entire reproductive system and help increase your chances of conceiving. FertiliTea™ brings together scientifically-validated herbal ingredients (including Vitex) to help restore female balance and promote reproductive wellness."

My opinion of it is mixed. I liked the flavor when I didn't over steep it. It does contain Nettle which if you have never had the experience of tasting Nettle before, don't. I have a blog post in regards to when I tried Nettle and if I recall correctly my description of it was "it tasted like dirt, feet and ass all mixed." So word of advice, don't over steep this tea, the flavor will be in your mouth forever and one you will never forget. Otherwise, the tea tasted great and was easy to drink without needing sweetened and could be enjoyed cold or hot. I learned to make a quart sized mason jar and that was my allotted tea for the day. Pretty easy once I got past how to use loose leaf tea and get all of its scragglers out of my tea.

Now the downside of FertiliTea. I had to stop the FertiliTea as it was making me spot/bleed throughout my cycle when I shouldn't have been. I did have to play some detective work to narrow down what was causing it and without a doubt, it was the tea. Once I stopped the tea, the spotting stopped as well. The site does say that most women experience spotting while their hormones are adjusting but after all the years of trying to fix my body I could tell this was more then an adjustment period.

Moving onto FertilAid for Women. "FertilAid for Women is the doctor-approved and ObGyn-recommended supplement designed to increase fertility and improve reproductive health. With an all natural, non-prescription formula that brings together scientifically-validated herbal ingredients and essential vitamins, FertilAid promotes female hormonal balance and reproductive wellness, supporting fertility and optimizing your chances to conceive.

Created by ObGyn and leading fertility expert, Amos Grunebaum, MD, FertilAid for Women combines fertility-enhancing nutrients with a “Just Right” formula of folic acid, essential vitamins and minerals, and key antioxidants. This comprehensive formula makes it the only fertility supplement offering total preconception vitamin support - optimized for trying-to-conceive women.

FertilAid for Women was formulated on the basis of established scientific literature to help optimize fertility safely and naturally as part of a healthy diet and lifestyle. With a proprietary herbal formula that includes chasteberry (vitex), red clover blossom, siberian ginseng, and gingko biloba, FertilAid helps restore hormonal balance while supporting overall reproductive wellness.
FertilAid has no negative side effects and has no impact on multiple births."

I didn't find this product to be too bad and I had some pretty positive results. The directions state to take 3 capsules daily so I take them all in the morning after breakfast with 16 ounces of water. The results I had was amazing. Like I mentioned after stopping the FertiliTea, my spotting went away. 2 days after the spotting ended, I started gearing up to ovulate and successfully did so! Whoop-dee-do for some, but for me who needs fertility meds to make ovulation happen, this is huge!!! Now I can only imagine it was the FertilAid and its ingredients that helped to me to ovulate as my last ovulation was in January on my last medicated cycle. Now the mean old witch did show a day or two later then norm and no pregnancy resulted from this cycle but ovulation did and that is one step closer to my goal. I am continuing with it again this cycle to see if I ovulate again.

FertileCM for Women "is a balanced dietary supplement to promote the healthy production of fertile cervical mucus – the bodily fluid central to fertility and conception. The ingredients in FertileCM have also been shown to support female arousal and sexual sensitivity and strengthen the uterine lining, both of which can increase chances for successful conception."

Now I can't say anything about extra sexual arousal as stress, life, my children, work, everything kind of played a part in putting out that fire for a while, but I can say it helped tremendously with CM. I have to say it was very comparable to my first Clomid cycle, which Clomid had the opposite side effect on me that it claims, decreased CM. I did have a hard time though with the timing of the 3 capsules you are supposed to spread out throughout your day. I was constantly forgetting a lunch time dose, or morning one when things got hectic. So I decided since I was already taking the FertilAid in the morning, I took all 3 of my capsules of FertileCM with it as well. I'm not sure if my results would have been any different, but I had great ones to begin with, so I'm not complaining or changing a thing.

Whew, almost done, hang in there I swear a giveaway is coming up soon. Bend, Breath, Conceive Fertility Yoga. "Bend, Breathe & Conceive is a yoga practice specifically created to help couples conceive. Anna Davis, PhD, RYT, scientist and yoga instructor, guides you through a series of physical poses, yogic breathing techniques, visualizations and meditation practices designed to integrate mind, body and spirit to cultivate balance. This connection acts as an antidote to stress and promotes fertility and optimal reproductive health."

Let me start by saying I love Yoga, Pilates, meditating, and essentially any form of relaxation. This one seems to combine a little bit of all. Something I did enjoy was the information in the beginning of the dvd on how stress affects hormones, like the scientific of it all, and how breathing exercises and yoga play a part in helping hormones balance. (I am all about the WHY/HOW the body works so this was right up my alley) Overall this yoga routine seemed very familiar to me but was enjoyable. It did incorporate basic yoga moves, downward facing dog, child's pose, warrior poses, etc but did have some lying, breathing, relaxation moments as well. I did find it to be a bit long, (an hour) as finding an hour of quiet time to relax and quiet the mind was proving to be challenging.

Finally, what you have been waiting for. If you made it this far, congrats, here's your chance to win this lovely package.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Share The Blog Love Giveaway

2012-06-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

When I started my blog not so long ago I had no idea what blogging really was. I had always thought that it was just a way of keeping an online journal that other people might want to read and ways for me to share the knowledge I had gained during my journey. It didn't take me long to realize that blogging was so much more than that.

I learned that bloggers were just people, like me, that were okay with putting it all out there. They were willing to open up their heart, life and uterus to anyone who might benefit from hearing their story. In the last several years I have made friends with so many ladies whose paths thankfully crossed mine. Blogging has introduced me to a community of women that have enabled me to learn so much about myself and fertility options. I have learned from them, cried with them, and appreciated each and every virtual hug they have given me and I have been able to offer.

This giveaway isn't as much about the money for us. It is about a really neat way to thank you for finding us, supporting us, and helping us realize that no matter what our road to having our dream family looks like, that we aren't alone.

To help us find each other in this big TTC blogosphere, Maria @ Life, Loss, and Other Things Worth Mentioning has coordinated this fun and easy way of connecting with others who are familiar with the sometimes difficult, but always rewarding journey to a family. Finding your support means so much to us that we wanted to say thank you by offering this easy to enter gift card giveaway co-sponsored by ttccommunity.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Coming Soon

2012-06-15T05:38:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy thus is my life so why not add one more fun event? Coming soon....another giveaway! This time I am joining forces with a couple other blogging ladies to give you an even bigger giveaway! $$$ Be on the look out for the Share The Blog Love giveaway!

Day 1 of the Bikini Transformation Goals/Stats

2012-06-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Step 2 of achieving a goal, setting the goals. I took the time yesterday to write down my goals, both short and long term and posted it where I would see it daily.

Long Term Goal:

Enter & Compete in a Bikini & Physique Competition by June 2013

Short Term Goals:

Eliminate Coffee
Incorporate 1 gallon of Water a day
Build a doable work out regimen
Eat 5 healthy, well balanced meals a day

The next part in helping myself to achieve my goal is to get my starting measurements. That way I can see my progress and what areas I need to work on more. (pictures will be another day, after I build up enough confidence to post my Before pictures.)

Measurements for 6/2/2012:

Starting weight- 127.2 lbs.
Neck- 12 1/2"
Left Bicep-10 1/2"
Right Bicep- 11"
Bust- 35"
Chest- 30"
Waist- 29 3/4"
Hips- 36"
Left Thigh- 20 1/2"
Right Thigh- 20 1/2"
Left Calf- 12 1/2"
Right Calf- 12 1/2"

Progress:

I had my one mocha in the morning and when I was done, I immediately started drinking my water. Yesterday's water intake was 72 ounces so I definitely need to work on increasing that. Food intake is going to be the tough one for me. Normally I have my morning mocha, then fast until dinner time. Now for someone who already has blood sugar issues, this routine is probably one of the worst things that one can do to themselves! I can feel when the sugars from the mocha wear off, as my mood gets crabby, my head feels foggy, and I get weak and tired. I started off the day yesterday eating 3 eggs with salsa. An hour later I was starving again! Ate some left over taco salad with loads of water. Again one hour later I was starving. This pattern happened all day long! Why is it I can "starve" myself and not feel this way, yet the first day I attempt to eat right, I can't get enough food?

Bowflex Work out:

Leg Extensions 90# 3 sets of 10
Leg Curls 80# 4 sets of 10
Bicep Curls 30# 3 sets of 10
Seated Row 30# 3 sets of 10
Tricep Extension 30# 3 sets of 10
Superman 30# 2 sets of 30

You're Doing What!?!??!

2012-06-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

Things seem to be fairly stagnant for my body right now, although it made a small attempt at gearing up to ovulate the other day, just enough of an effort to get my hopes up. Of course, that reality came crashing down real fast. Whatever, it is what it is. My mind has far more important things to think about then another failed attempt at ovulating.

What, you may ask? Well, call it a mid life crisis or another item on my bucket list that needs scratched off, but I have decided to compete in a Bikini & Physique Competition. (think sexy body building competition where the goal is still look feminine but in great shape.) It is something that I have always wanted to do, even back when I was 14. I have always been into health & fitness! My first job I worked at an exercise equipment store with my Dad and went to many body building competitions. I fell in love with it then. The thing that got me motivated was watching a little petite gal, no taller then me win the competition. Now, let me put this disclaimer out there before anybody else has the same reaction that my husband did. I DO NOT want to beef up, bulk out or in any way shape or form, look like a dude! I want to tone what I have, which is already VERY tone, and show it off. As I told my husband, I want to still look like a princess in a dress, but one that nobody will want to mess with! Something has recently flipped in my body and instead of struggling to LOSE weight, at this time I am struggling to KEEP it on! I had a similar experience prior to getting pregnant with Emma, my doctor at the time claimed I was burning more then what I was consuming. Which very well could be what is going on, with the way I have been go-go-going these days. Why not run with it while my body is cooperating? So, first step in completing a goal is setting your goal and getting it out there. My goal is........by this time next year I will have competed in my first (maybe last?) Bikini and Physique Competition!

Wondfo Pregnancy Test Giveaway-Round 2

2012-05-30T06:23:00.001-07:00

Up for grabs, another set of (10) Wondfo home pregnancy tests. These tests are very easy to use and you can usually find lots of (25) or (50) on Amazon for about $5-$10. A must have for any TTC'er. Enter today to win some for yourself.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Inspiration Every Where You Look

2012-05-29T05:28:00.001-07:00

Many know I am a freebie freak and sign up for loads of freebies, just for the excitement. One of my latest freebies is a bracelet, leather band with a stone in the center that has a flower encased in it. Well this company sends you a random bracelet and each colored flower is supposed to have its own meaning. I received my random bracelet yesterday, it is gorgeous, green glass bead with a pink flower inside!!! (very gorgeous contrast, too!) Of course, as soon as I got it I tried remembering what each color meant and could not for the life of me remember. Back to the website I went. Immediate chills followed by the most inner pride, happiness, I don't even know what word to use to describe the feeling. Can you all guess?

Pink = Hope

Now every time I look at this bracelet I can't help but to get a happy feeling inside and giggle a little because there are very few people who will know its meaning and the significance it has in my life/journey. :) Gotta love how life has a way of sending you messages in the smallest ways.

Be on the look out! I am in the midst of all sorts of giveaways. Another will be posted tomorrow. :)

10 Wondfo Pregnancy Tests Giveaway

2012-05-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

Since I am waiting for my body to do something, anything, (which with its track record will most likely be nothing) I am trying to pass the time with some fun! So what better then to start by giving away something that I don't have a use for? ;) (I have a sick sense of sarcasm, and that was just a taste of it there.) I won a lot of Wondfo home pregnancy tests (a couple of them actually) from Maria over at Life, Loss and Other Things Worth Mentioning and I am kicking off my set of giveaways with a lot of (10) Wondfo home pregnancy tests. For those who are not familiar with these handy dandy little pregnancy strips, they are super simple, super cheap and super addictive! The fact that they are super cheap helps with the addiction. I can usually find a lot of 25 for about $5 on Amazon. So, win yourself some and try them out for yourself.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Courage

2012-05-15T06:20:00.004-07:00

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." ~Winston Churchill

Ch-ch-changes

2012-05-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

May is a month for all sorts of changes for me and my blog. My blog got a refreshing update yesterday and today a Facebook page. I figure this way I can openly share all I want to share without others feeling like I am shoving my infertility crap in their face. This way others can choose to read about it, or pass it on by.

Be on the look out for more changes coming soon! A little birdie told me there will be some giveaways in the near future!

Castor Oil Packs

2012-05-02T07:05:00.002-07:00

There's not much going on with me right now cycle wise, so I thought I would share some information in regards to Castor Oil Packs. I am on day 2 of Prometrium to end this cycle and move onto a new one. While on the Prometrium, I am doing every other day castor oil packs until I am through with the Prometrium. While I am typing, I am currently doing a castor oil treatment. So damn relaxing!!

So, what is a castor oil pack? Most have heard of taking Castor oil internally as a way to induce labor but this is completely different. In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine or Eastern medicine) castor oil packs can be used to improve blood flow, oxygen and detox the internal organs. It is a great detoxifier for the liver, removing excess hormones that get stored in the liver. For women with PCOS and polycystic ovaries, castor oil packs can be used to help rid the cysts. Lately I have been experiencing rupturing cysts which has to be one of the most painful things I have yet to experience. (my pain threshold is quite high and even this was unbearable for me.) This is the reason for myself returning to the Castor Oil packs. I will be doing one last hoorah round of Femara in a few months and I want to do everything I can to reduce my chance of hyperstimulating again. By ridding my body of the immature follicles, aka cysts, there will be less of a chance that all of the immature follicles will respond to the stimulation and cause me excruciating pain.

There is plenty of information on the web regarding Castor Oil packs, their uses and precautions. Below is some information regarding castor oil packs and their uses.

http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/castor-oil.html

Castor Oil Packs and Ovarian Cysts

The castor bean has been well known as a cathartic, or strong laxative. However, it is no longer recommended as a laxative, due to its toxic effects if taken internally.

Castor bean oil has been used externally for centuries as a natural therapy. The Edgar Cayce Readings inform us that castor oil packs are to be used to improve assimilation, elimination and circulation, especially of the lymphatic system.

Castor oil appears to have a unique ability to sink transdermally (through the skin) to relax smooth muscle. This simple mechanical action has a beneficial influence on all hollow organs, specifically the blood and lymph vessels, the uterus, fallopian tubes, bowels, gall bladder, and even the liver (which is not hollow but is filled with venous lakes).

A castor oil pack is placed on the skin to increase circulation and to promote elimination and healing of the tissues and organs underneath the skin. It is often used to stimulate the liver, relieve pain, increase lymphatic circulation, reduce inflammation, and improve digestion.

Castor oil packs have many applications, and are specific in cases of uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts that are not cancerous. Packs also relieve ovarian pain or help with healing after a ruptured ovarian cyst. Other conditions that respond to castor oil packs include headaches, liver disorders, constipation, intestinal disorders, gallbladder inflammation or stones, and conditions with poor elimination.

Castor oil application increases the efficiency of circulation through your pelvis in general. Good circulation is required for supportive nutrients to be delivered to the cells, and for waste products and inflammatory factors to be removed. If a castor oil pack is placed over your liver area, it will help your liver to do its work more efficiently, including the metabolism of your hormones.

Top

Precautions

Do not use a heated castor oil pack for uterine growths, cancer tumors, or ulcers. Don't use if you are pregnant, breast feeding, or menstruating. Don't apply over broken skin.

Castor Oil Pack Components

Castor oil.
Two sheets of plastic (garbage bags OK).
1 yard cotton or wool flannel.
Heating pad (if indicated).
Large old bath towel.
3 safety pins.

Preparing a Castor Oil Pack

1. Fold flannel into three thicknesses to fit over your whole abdomen.

2. Cut a piece of plastic 1-2 inches larger than flannel.

3. Saturate the flannel with gently heated oil, but not so much that it is drippy. Fold it over and squeeze until it is oozing. Unfold.

4. Place plastic and old towel over flannel to prevent staining of surface you will be lying on.

5. Lie down, placing flannel over abdomen, putting fitted plastic over the flannel.

6. Now wrap the towel under you, around your torso and pin with safety pins.

7. Place a heating pad (low heat) or hot water bottle on top of the towel.

8. Rest for 30-60 minutes. Use visualization, meditation, or just sleep. A good time to use castor oil packs is just before bedtime.

9. When finished, it's best if you don't get up and walk around and be busy (except to go to the bathroom). Try to stay still and relaxed.

If you are doing your pack at bedtime, have a zip-lock baggie next to your bed, and a towel to remove any excess oil and protect your bed sheets. Fold the oily pack up and put it into the baggie, then drop it to the floor till morning. In the morning, put it in the refrigerator.

If you are not using the pack at bedtime, you can get up and wash the treated area with solution of 3 tablespoons of baking soda to 1 quart of water to remove the oil. Put the pack into the refrigerator.

11. Store the pack in the covered container or baggie in the refrigerator. Remove it from the refrigerator 1-3 hours before you plan to use it, so that it is at room temperature when you are ready to use it.

12. Each pack may be used repeatedly. When it starts to smell stale, make a new pack.

Note: If this procedure is way too complicated for you, apply a generous amount of castor oil to the skin of your abdomen. Cover that with an old cotton t-shirt or other cloth you won’t mind eventually discarding. Lay your heat source (hot water bottle, heating pad) on top of that. Keep the cloth you use to protect your heat source from the oil to reuse. Eventually it will smell like stale oil, but can be kept for a few weeks at least in a plastic bag. Rest for 3-60 minutes. Stay covered and warm so you can relax. Have a soft cloth or rag handy to catch any oil dripping off your body. You may want to put a towel or plastic underneath your body so your bed doesn't get oily. It's not necessary to have a castor oil pack that you keep in the refrigerator. Just do what works for you.

Frequency of Use

To be effective, a castor oil pack must be used at least 3 times a week, although 5 times a week is better. In cases of long-term chronic pain, it works best to commit to a 6 week treatment period using a castor oil pack 5 times per week, then as needed for episodes of pain.

It's wise to consult with a naturopathic physician for the best frequency of treatment for your specific health problem.

A Little Inspiration

2012-04-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

Enough said. This quote is what has kept me going and persevering throughout my journey. The quote alone helps to feed my hope, even when others around me want me to be done.

April 2012 Update

2012-04-25T12:47:00.002-07:00

A lot has taken place since my last post, almost everything BUT ovulation. HA! In a nutshell, Vitamin D course of treatment is complete, follow up blood work came back at 45. That is fantastic as levels need to be between 30-100. Good there. I also got to experience another cyst rupture followed by extremely heavy bleeding just last week. An ultrasound was done to confirm a cyst rupture, not a follicle. I had a follow up appointment today for the cyst rupture and below were the list of questions I had for my OB.

Q: What are we going to do about my recurring rupturing cysts? CAN anything be done?

A: Birth Control Pills (BCP's) would be his first course of action for somebody who is not trying to conceive. Being I am trying, we're doing nothing about the cysts. My body will rupture them and handle them on their own, but short of BCP's, there's nothing that CAN be done.

Q: What can we do to manage my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome? (PCOS) Anymore testing that would help to get PCOS under control? Ie., repeat PCOS lab work up, check Insulin resistance, etc.

A: He doesn't feel anymore testing would change the course of action. Managing PCOS for me at this stage of trying to conceive would leave me with few options. (back to the BCP thing) Testing for insulin resistance would not change his course of action, which would be Glucophage, aka Metformin. We already went that route with me and know that my body at any dose, does not tolerate it well. So that is not an option. I am going to do an at home A1C test that I can mail off to show me my average sugar levels for the last 6 months.

Q: Can I get a standing order for Prometrium to induce bleeds?

A: Absolutely! Order will be as follows. I am to take 10 day course of 200mg Prometrium every other month, on odd months. So starting May 1st, 10 day course of Prometrium. Have a bleed. We will sit 60 days out, if no ovulation, then another round of Prometrium. He is hoping opposing the estrogen with Prometrium will get me to ovulate. We'll see. Unlimited refills so I don't have to call every time I need a bleed. Fricking yeehaw!!!!!!

Q: Would he be willing to let me try one more cycle of Femara?

A: HE actually brought it up to me! I ♥ my doctor!!! Yes, he is more then willing to let me go ONE more cycle of Femara, even with my hyperstimulation/cyst history. Although, there is a catch. He first wants me to try 2 cycles of bringing on a bleed with Prometrium (so still 4 months out??) before we do another round of Femara. Why? He wants to see if I can oppose the estrogen with Prometrium and make myself ovulate on my own. How fricking cool is that, that my dr is on board with this????? Absolutely amazing to me! Amazing!

Q: I don't WANT to do this next part but I would like to gather more info/pricing on IUI and inform myself about the procedure.

A: Cost of meds would be the same for me, free because we would use Femara and insurance covers it. Cost of IUI is $300 and includes ultrasound to monitor for follicles, semen analysis (SA) (since they have to spin it to get JUST the swimmers) and insemination. It's still not something "I" personally want to do, but was nice to still have the info.

Q: Ways to boost estrogen naturally so ovulation will happen and alleviate symptoms of low estrogen?

A: He doesn't feel that my issue is low estrogen, but instead unopposed estrogen. (If you are not familiar with this I recommend googling Dr John Lee and the Shutdown, AMAZING info) Which is still going along with what I have been learning or have read about needing progesterone to balance the unopposed estrogen. Which then lead me to picking his brain as to WHY I ovulate when on natural progesterone cream. He said almost WORD FOR WORD the same thing as that pompous ass Reproductive Endocrinologist who told me that NPC would do NOTHING for ovulation, instead it would suppress it. (see Why are some doctors so damn smug) I told him I don't know how or why, and I just might be a freak of nature, but I have 5 different cycles of NPC use that has resulted in ovulation. He is as stumped as the rest of us.

I think that was it. I'm happy that birth control pills weren't just shoved at me. I was listened to, engaged in conversation with and felt like I was heard and didn't feel rushed at all. This doc is a keeper! ;)

Revisiting Top Things to NOT Say To Someone Who Is Struggling With Secondary Infertility

2012-04-03T06:04:00.003-07:00

This is a compilation of phrases that I have heard over the years of struggling and I really wish at at times I could post a banner of What NOT to Say to Someone Who is Struggling with Secondary Infertility.

I have decided to revisit this post just as a reminder to those at there who are providing support for a loved one or friend with Secondary Infertility. I have also decided to add a recent one that I feel should make this list.

A couple more have recently made the list and I feel it is important for them to be recognized.

A general good idea if you have no issues getting pregnant would be to NOT publicly offer up an oops baby to someone who is struggling with infertility, secondary or not. If it is meant as a joke, you may need to re-evaluate your humor because I can guarantee you the one struggling will see absolutely NO humor in it.

Unless you plan on becoming a surrogate for the person struggling with infertility (again secondary or primary) do not wish your fertility upon someone who is struggling with their own. It only feels like a slap in the face and does nothing to help the situation.

"At least you have two healthy children... be grateful." - This statement brings out all kinds of emotions in me. First off, I interpret this statement as this person feels that I am NOT grateful for my girls. Anyone who knows me and my mothering to my daughters will know that I AM forever grateful. I realize I am BLESSED to have had not one, but two opportunities at being pregnant and birthing and raising children. I get it!! I think that is part of what makes the pain worse is that you KNOW it is possible for your body to do it, it's done it before. Why is it being so difficult now? In MY opinion and experience, this statement is usually said by someone who is struggling with Primary Infertility, and cannot begin to fathom MY magnitude of pain and grief, as I am not able to begin to understand the magnitude of hers either. Nonetheless, it hurts like hell to be told that. My advice, DON'T say that to anyone struggling with Secondary Infertility, you will do nothing for that persons morale, but you WILL succeed in making that person hate you!

"Don't worry, it'll happen when the time is right." ~ Are you kidding me? The time is right right now!

"Everything happens for a reason." ~ Really? What is the reason that I have been struggling for so long for? Is there really a reason behind that one?

"Don't stress." ~ I seriously want to do some major bodily harm when I hear that one. Ok, yeah.....sure.

"I got pregnant on my first try." ~ Well good for you, not all of us are that lucky. But thanks for rubbing it in.

"I did ________________ to get PG, Maybe you should try ____________." ~ Yeah, cause I hadn't tried that trick yet.

"You're trying to hard." ~ Well, judging by my history, I'm not just gonna fall pregnant!

Had to add this one as this was actually told to me just last night. (12/16) after a vent I posted on what is supposed to be a support site for women strugggling to conceive. I posted (see post I'm Tired...) and actually recieved this response:

"did she say CHILDREN? She has babies and is complaining"? Just because I have 2 children already does not make my pain any less then someone who is struggling for one. I have pain and heartache as well. I know what it feels like to have that want, that you want more then anything in the world, and it always being out of your reach. I get it! Albeit, it may not be the same heartache as someone who is struggling for one, but it is still painful. It is even more painful to reach out on a place that is supposed to be supportive and receive that type of message. Thanks for the support lady!

The following are ones I have gathered from other women who also are struggling with secondary infertility. (meaning, they had one child just fine, and now are struggling to have another) I have left the names out as to respect their privacy.

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"So, what's the deal? No siblings for XXXX...that's so mean, every boy needs a brother!" -This one made me so sad.

"I bet it's because you are a vegetarian, that's why you can't get pregnant" -Oh Please!

"What are you going to do with that other bedroom now that you know you aren't having more kids" - what, like you want to rent it out? F off!

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"We're pregnant again!!!" announced by my cousin's wife pregnant with her 4th child (1st was born a few months before DS) AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

"I just don't understand the big deal - all the OTHER kids in this class have siblings." when they were asked to write a story about their brother/sister in Kindergarten. He was told he could write about his dog after he told the teacher he didn't have one.

Random fertility articles left on my doorstep - like I don't already realize I'm the town freak with only ONE kid.

"So, have you given up yet?" Uh...no...

"Why did you buy a 6 bedroom house if you only have 1 kid?" Umm....we ARE still planning for more....

"What are you waiting for???" My typical answer is "God."

and my personal favorite...

"How can you possibly homeschool when you only have one child????" Umm...probably more adequately than YOU!!!!

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"Can't you just not think of them as babies yet?" Referring to my MC babies (from my brother!)

"Just relax and it will happen"

"There must have been something wrong with the babies, so you are better off losing them"

"Don't try so hard"

"My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant"

"God has a plan for you"

"The baby you end up with will be the one you are meant to have" (not a mean statement, but it doesn't really help)

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The worst thing I think I have ever heard came from the mouth of a seasoned OR Nurse...I had lost my 2nd at nearly 4+ months (heart malformation) and was giving pills to induce a m/c at home...after being a shut in in my own home for 3 days (waiting for the m/c) my Drs finally scheduled a D&C a week later. It was horrible waiting, looking slighty pregnant and obviously wanting the healing to begin...the D&C was unsuccessful and I had to go in for another a few days later...As the nurse was preping me for surgery, I started to cry. She sighed loudly and said "Why are you crying"...I shrugged and said "I am sad"...she said "It's a routine surgery, it's not like they left an ARM in there or anything!" My mouth just gaped open, I had no response. To this day I think about that cold hearted statement and cringe. Awful thing is, she continued to tell me about her healthy children and how one day, when it was meant, I would be a mother too...awful woman.

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Many people seem to attribute infertility with stress. "try not to think about it/relax" has been said more times than I can count. My sister thought that I should "have a few drinks to relax around THAT time". My dad suggested Valium because apparently, that's how I was conceived. My MIL said not to worry, it took her 9 months to conceive (i.e. #2 and #3 are 18mo apart).

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"Oh you do not know how it is, you do not have kids"

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"Maybe you just tested too early"

Said to us right after our MC, when they found out they were pregnant... "don't tell them our names, they might steal them!"
"no don't worry, we're pregnant first"

Right after my 2nd MC...
"I've had 2 MC also, don't worry 3rd time's a charm!"

And on a somewhat related note, when I told a coworker I was pregnant (she knew about my 2 other MCs), the first thing she asked was "was it planned?" before giving a "congrats"

I don't get that one at all! We had clearly been trying for a long time.

April Fool's Joke-Not So Funny

2012-04-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

Operation: Feel Better: Weeks 3 & 4

2012-03-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

I am always a week behind in everything in life, so why not one more thing, right? Week 3 went well, another trip to Bath & Body Works for some shopping after a hair appointment with my teenage daughter. It was nice to get her out, do something nice for her (this was only her 2nd EVER professional hair cut, she was in hair heaven!) and spend money on ourselves. I bought more of the Energy aromatherapy line, this time a wallflower plug in, and got some AMAZING deals and freebies to boot!

Week 4 brought me some crazy mood swings, CRAZY mood swings. What am I saying? This last month has been one major mood swing! I decided enough was enough and I was done with this cycle. The longer I let it go on, the more mood swings I have to deal with. And when I say I, I actually mean my family. So for their sake since I love them so much, I decided to end this cycle with Prometrium I found in my TTC drawer. I decided I was going to bust out the big guns and take 400mgs for 5 days and call it good. Mainly because it is what I had on hand. I am on day 5 of 5, which means the wicked witch will be here tomorrow evening or sometime the next morning.

Plans for this next cycle? Since I did see and feel significant changes in my moods while on the Licorice Root supplement, I plan on continuing that when a new cycle starts. It is one that apparently I need to research more as it has me apprehensive about long term use. I have read that it is to be taken like Clomid for only 5 days of the cycle. My research shows that long term use can lead to blood pressure problems. I certainly don't need any of that! Although 5 days is just going to be enough to get my moods great, then drop them again? Am I going to be self inducing another massive mood swing? Guess we'll see!

Happy 4 Year Anniversary!!

2012-03-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

Well it's not really happy, but it today does mark our 4 year anniversary of trying for our 3rd child. It is bittersweet, as my feelings flip flop back and forth on whether or not I want to be done trying. I am officially on my own, in respects to having a doctor helping me with fertility meds, etc. We have done all there is to do, within our means, finances and beliefs. I have all sorts of feelings about this and it depends on the time and day on what I am feeling at that moment. Today, it is somber and quiet but I have not shed any tears. I am trying to keep it that way and instead trying to refocus my energy. Instead of today being a sad day of reflecting on what I don't have, how about I focus on what I DO have. I have two gorgeous daughters and even though they stress me out like no other at times, they also bring unconditional JOY that I wouldn't trade for the world. I have a loving and understanding husband who has put up with far more of my shit that I would have ever tolerated. So even though I am not pregnant at this time or snuggling a newborn, I DO have positives in my life.

Operation: Feel Better: Week 2.....Rocked!!

2012-03-19T05:05:00.002-07:00

We finally kicked the flu bug in our house, although it lasted far longer for Miss Emma then it did for me. Luckily for our family, that is as far as the flu bug traveled. I am extremely grateful for that! Mood wise I am still not seeing much changes, despite the weekly Vitamin D supplementing. I am having massive mood swings and if you were to see my temp chart, you would see how erratic my temps are, which is a clear indication of what the hormones are doing. Up and down, up and down. For the individual dealing with these severe swings, it is draining, and for the loved ones and people around said individuals dealing with these swings, again draining! Something has gotta change, NOW! So I am back on the hunt for something to mellow out my hormones so I don't feel like there is a monster inside me switching my mood every 20 minutes. One minute it is happy, then mad, then depressed, then back to happy, then to lovey, back to mad, then to needing a ton of affection/attention. My goodness, how can this NOT be exhausting??

My sanity reached a breaking point last weekend and for the sake of myself and everyone around me, I planned a "Mom's day of running away." I started off with a lunch date with a friend, whom I haven't seen or spent one-on-one time with in a long time! We went to our usual favorite restaurant and filled each other in on what we have missed over the months. It was great to have some adult conversation. Instead of going home after lunch I took myself to Barnes and Nobles for a mocha, by myself! I also took a few minutes to just browse books, something I would not have been able to do had I had my children with me.

Next stop, Bath and Body Works! I had coupons and I LOVE everything about Bath and Body Works. It is like aroma sensory overload at times but scents have a calming affect on me. It was past time to soak up all the calming I can get. And that I did! It was very nice just being able to browse and sniff all there was to sniff without someone rushing me out the door or tugging on my britches to inform me that an emergency potty break is in order. I spent far more then I normally would have on myself, but if you add up all the years where I have neglected myself, I figured I was making up for lost time. I am in love with the Aromatherapy line and now have all they offer, with my favorite scent being Orange Ginger. Mmmmm, yummy. And when I find myself getting pissed at the world or needing a moment of escape a few spritz of that spray takes me there.

Last but not least, a stop in at Victoria's Secret! Again I had coupons galore and had every intention on browsing and taking my time. I even approached a customer service gal for a bra fitting. Ahhhh! Anyone who knows me knows this is completely out of character for me as I tend to avoid ALL associates at all costs. Although, I felt like a princess when all the energy and attention was devoted to me, in finding the right size, right fit, and right style of bra. I can honestly say, that was a first ever experience for me. It was fantastic and I walked away again spending far more on myself then I normally would have, BUT I got 2 gorgeous and properly fitting bras, a free pair of panties and 2 mystery amount Gift Cards that I find out there value on the 1st. So what does that mean? Why another solo trip to Victoria's Secret, of course!!!

What was the cherry on top for this week? Remember my friend Maria over at Life, Loss and Other Things and the OvaCue giveaway she was doing? Well guess who won one of the monitors? Yep, that would be ME!!! I am beyond stoked, but there are some bittersweet feelings that come with this win. Since I don't ovulate on my own, this monitor is only going to tell me what I already know, I don't ovulate. LOL I do have to say though, winning this monitor has now given me that small glimmer of hope and perseverance again. Since I am already on the search for something to help mellow my hormones, ovulation may just be a great potential side effect and having this monitor will show me far more then my thermometer ever could.

Operation: Feel Better: Week 1.....Sucked!

2012-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:00

This never fails. I set some new plans/goals for myself and something happens, usually LIFE, that sweeps those plans out from under my feet. This time it was a stomach bug. First Miss Emma, (my youngest daughter) came down with it, so all of my time went to mothering her and making sure she was well taken care of. Remember how I said exercising can be nixed with even the slightest of excuses? Well yep, this time was no different. And being that I was caring for a sick child, so did my massage and solo shopping spree plans. Then no sooner did she get on the mend, did I catch it. So, of course, NO working out was to be had when I called in sick to work, and spent a full day in bed, while recouping the next day. Week 2 HAS to go better, although hubby was complaining of an upset sour stomach just last night. I have a feeling this is not going to be the end of this stomach bug or the beginning of getting back on track to making myself feel better. Still gonna give it my all though.

Awesome OvaCue Giveaway!!!

2012-03-03T07:27:00.008-08:00

There is a great giveaway going on over at Life, Loss, and Other Things and The Tater Twins where they are giving away not one but TWO Ovacue Fertility Monitors. This is an exciting little gadget in the trying to conceive world since it can be used by people with all conditions, including PCOS like myself and can technically be used for both trying or avoiding. They are doing a fantastic giveaway in which two winners will be picked. The cool part is when you enter the email address of who referred you, if YOU are picked as a winner, the person who refers you also wins one. How cool is that? So just enter LJEANH27@MSN.COM when prompted and get yourself entered! The entries are super easy and take about 5 minutes to do. Even if you are not interested you could always enter and help increase my chances of winning myself one. Thanks to all and good luck!

Direct link to giveaway: http://lifelossandotherthings.blogspot.com/2012/03/giveaway-ovacue-fertility-monitor-with.html

Operation: Feel Better

2012-03-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

Let me start off by saying I hate being in a funk, just simply hate it. My personality is usually bubbly, happy go lucky, you know the type you just wanna punch sometimes because they are TOO happy? Well that is NOT me these days. I find myself dragging during the day, not wanting to do things that I used to love to do and frankly just want to spend all of my time in bed. If only, right? I DO have two children after all that need their momma so that is not an option. It sure doesn't change how I feel though.

I decided enough is enough and it is time for a change. Not having a trying to conceive game plan anymore sure leaves a whole lot of time for thinking. And no, I'm not doing the dwelling on it, woe is me, type of thinking. These moments of thought usually result in great things. So even though my situation sucks and my journey of expanding our family is dwindling down and coming to and end, there WILL be positives coming from this.

First things first, this momma needs to start taking care of herself. For real! I have always heard A Happy Mom is a Happy Home. I'm starting to believe it so I plan on putting this to the test. So I am now focusing on ME and what makes ME happy. First plan of attack is to treat myself to one nice thing a week. It can be as simple as taking the time to paint my nails or reading a book that I enjoy, instead of a children's book. Or, taking my mocha outside in the morning and watching the sunrise in complete silence.

The next thing I want to do is focus on my health and body. If I can't get pregnant I might as well get myself in the best tip top shape I can be and be the hottest momma in town. ;) I fell out of my very good work out groove I was in when I was forced to sit out from working out. Getting back into a consecutive daily routine has been tough and I can find the simplest of excuses to make myself NOT work out. So goal #2, work out DAILY, 7:20am sharp, no excuses.

My next plan of attack in helping myself feel better is I am splurging on ME and only me. I am one of those people who puts myself last. If I get birthday money, it usually gets spent on somebody else, with the plan that I will replace that money and spend it on me. Nope, never happens. I am going to make it happen. As much of a coupon frugal freak I am, I am actually going to bite the bullet and go shopping for myself, at Victoria's Secret. There's no way I can buy for somebody else there! Ha. But no worries, I have my coupons for my free panties and coupons for money off bras, and I plan on using every one of them. ;)

Day 1 of Operation: Feel Better. Wake up at 4:30am (while the girls are still asleep) make myself a mocha, set up the foot soaker/massager with my new aromatherapy Lavender/Chamomile salts, (that I bought for myself yesterday while at the store!!) turn off all sounds and RELAX.

Day 1, done!

Enough Said

2012-02-28T07:47:00.000-08:00