Laurel Crowned

plaid shirts

2025-12-08T21:20:00.003-06:00

time ticks slowly by

these memories floating through my mind

the walls that you once stared at too

and the love you poured into life

here in the little pieces

you left behind

i wish i could squeeze your hand

just one more time

or listen to the soothing consistency

of your voice

if only i could get your advice

on the mysteries of life

the sunshine through the porch screen

of the shortest winter days

remind me of the brightness

of your life zest

the way you took the time you had

without regrets or missed beats

and I'll always be grateful

for plaid shirts and corn fields,

for the cards that you signed Marjorie

for the moments that stayed behind in my mind

and the shortest day of the year

that gave me you.

Ropes

2025-04-26T20:51:00.005-05:00

[via]

i take a deep breath

attempting to untie these ropes

for the millionth time

it tightens again

of its own accord

without my consent

i look to the heavens

and release my grip

because even if i don't

have control

i know Who does

and as my hands fall

the ropes fall off

and the air rushes into my lungs

fresh and calm

and filled with Your Peace

that i don't understand.

Stormy Peace

2025-04-05T22:33:00.009-05:00

[via]

i looked at the clouds

obscuring my view

debasing my emotions

anxiety rising

waves of doubt pouring over me

and with the rumble of the thunder

in my subconscious

comes a revelation

the promise of clean

the purifying presence of peace

wrapping itself like a hug

around my soul and my mind

because You never forsake me

You give me your love and mercy

every morning

with every mistake I've made

You've been there

waiting to heal me

and so with gratitude

i watch the storm roll in

with no fear

only peace.

Black Hole

2025-04-02T12:51:00.001-05:00

[via]

the time ticks slowly, crawling by

like a creeping snail out the window

unaware of my angst

unaware of this pain

simmering low beneath consciousness

do you know what this means?

how can we move past this?

you're my gravity

like a black hole pulling me in

all i want is to know you

to discover your depths

but we're stuck here in the moment

before forever

stuck in our thoughts

and the limits of time

wanting more but getting less

as i watch the moments tick by

grasping for the moment that you'll return

Oh, Sugar

2025-02-21T14:13:00.000-06:00

[via]

you were so beautiful
in that summer sun

with the rose colored glasses

of young love.

so tempting and alluring

promising a future

of happiness that never ends

no loneliness or sadness

only happiness and bliss.

i thought it would be forever

that we'd never have to part.

but when i woke up

i found out it wasn't true.

instead of beauty, you gave me ashes

instead of love, you brought abuse

and embarrassment,

self-hatred,

regret and agony.

when i decided to be honest

with myself

about the broken promises

i found the pain

that had been swept

under the rug.

i found the lies

you tried to hide.

instead of sadness, i'm choosing anger.

instead of being a victim,

i'm the overcomer.

and there won't be any more

of you in my life.

because i'm choosing me.

and i'm choosing truth.

Day dream

2024-09-13T22:57:00.004-05:00

[via]

how can a blink change a life?

a simple moment in time

a nod of the head

a crinkle in the eye

a laugh that wakes the soul

and i don't know where my feet are

the footing that was once so sure

has given way

to deep swirling colors and changes

that can't be explained

i reach for the moment

i pray that God will stop time

if only we could stay

if only things wouldn't change

but time marches on

and continues to change our lives

with another blink

and the fleeting memory is gone

so i shut my eyes

and hold my breath

willing the moment to stay

even if just for the evening

even if just for this day dream

Waking up in color

2024-09-13T22:45:00.008-05:00

[via]

Last night I went to sleep

with dreams in black and white.

the rain was pouring down the panes

bleeding through the pages

of this chapter called my life

i couldn't find the ending

of this nightmare in my sleep.

pain turned into numbness

hurt into haunting

and here we are standing

in the morning sunshine

with the dew on the roses

and the colors shining bright

i feel like singing or maybe crying.

these feelings that i thought were lost

came swirling in again

vibrance and desire

a confusing cyclone of emotion

i just want to breathe and live and cry

but here we are in the late summer sunshine

it's good to be alive.

The Seasons of Life

2022-06-28T17:51:00.004-05:00

[via]

i thought of you the other day, love,
and realized we never said goodbye.
but it's too late now,
with lifetimes between our paths.
still, i whispered it to the trees;
i told them to thank you for the way
you changed me and made me who
i am today.
i know you won't hear it though -
even if i shouted it
because there are too many miles between us
a lifetime of changes and hurts and dangers.
that's the way life is,
sometimes it changes even when we don't want it.
people are here for a season,
we trust them and laugh and cry together.
then they leave us
or change like the leaves.
sometimes we get closure and our goodbyes.
but sometimes we don't.

every season has it's reason.

Effortlessly

2021-03-20T14:47:00.001-05:00

[via]

i watched the sun
as she rose and set

effortlessly shining

in the crystal sky.

the birds were singing,

snow melting

as the heartbeat of the world

continued steadily.

how can our life be such as struggle

sometimes...

how do we make things so

complicated?

if only i could be

like the sun or birds

so effortlessly doing

what i was created to.

Holding On

2020-10-02T22:06:00.003-05:00

[via]

the leaves were trembling, barely hanging on.
their bright colors the same as my heart
the air was cold and biting
as i wondered how its beauty faded.
lost in the pain of the moment.

my hands were shaking, trembling with pain

as the autumn rain tried to cleanse this day

i traced the etches of the flood down the window pane

and watched my breath disappear in the air

drowning in the memories and dreams.

my heart beat on despite the pain

even after i thought my tears

would wash it all away.

when you fake a smile but your heart is breaking

just like the colorful leaves before they fall.

and like the leaves being tossed about

and pulled from every direction,

i made a wish that You would find

beauty amidst my ashes.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18

Promises, Promises

2020-07-11T19:36:00.002-05:00

the windows shuddered, like my soul
at the angry, beating wind.
the world was drowning in the torrent
of the tears of God falling on us.
the rain was beating on the roof,
thunder echoing through my soul.
as the trees swayed down under the burden.
i watched the water etch paths in the glass,
and listened to the complaining thunder,
as the sun hid in dismay
and all the grass drown under
the never ending flood.
then all at once, the tempest was over
and the world gasped a sigh of relief
as God renewed His promises.
as God renewed His promises.

I Woke from the Nightmare

2020-06-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

[via]

i woke from the nightmare
the rain was filled with my fear
and the storm had overtaken me
i always loved the rain before.
i always loved the storms.
but these were heavy storms,
and too much for me to carry.
and as i let the rain wash over me,
too numb to lift my face,
a silent cry stifled in my soul
to rescue me from this fate.

i woke from the nightmare
to feel the sun smiling again
and the leaves whispering their praises
the light was brighter than before.
the trees even happier.
and i saw everyone who loved me,
standing right there beside me.
because silent prayers were heard,
and God provided before i needed.

i woke from the nightmare
to everyone that i care about.
to all my needs provided.
to all my fears subsided.
and love racing in the breeze.
and a better life than i had dreamed,
gifted to me from heaven.

i woke from the nightmare.

Short Breath

2020-03-25T11:44:00.001-05:00

[via]

i caught a glimpse of the tangerine sunshine
peeking shyly through the clouds
the clouds that shrouded the city lying scared below
in a dreary winter haze.
shades of coral, turquoise and amber
hidden from the ground beneath
as the earth shivered from the caress.
we woke up today
to thoughts unknown
to experiences unheard
to feelings unfelt.
the world changed in a moment
and we took it for granted.
and as i pondered these inklings
with the winter shroud above
my fingers twirling a delicate flower
reminded of the short breath
that is called this life.

New Adventures

2020-03-03T06:57:00.002-06:00

So I mostly post poetry-type stuff (if you can call it that lol) on here... Occasionally, however, I do post a glimpse into more than just my thoughts/feelings and share what is happening in my life. I feel like it's been awhile since I did that - partly because life was busy and I was only blogging sporadically. However, I have a little more time currently so I'm trying to get back into it a little.

I think the last time I posted a personal update was when I became a dietitian (What's Going On) and then when my cousin died (In Memory of Brookie). Both of those happened almost 5 years ago (seriously?!) and a lot has happened since then! :)

God is always so, so good. I can't emphasize that enough. I am so grateful for His leading in my life, and for all the good, wonderful things He has provided. Time and time again I am reminded that He always provides. In the end, there truly is nothing to fear or worry about, because He always provides for every single need we have.

So for the past 5 years, I've been working as a dietitian - I started out with my dream job as a retail dietitian which was such a great experience and I loved the creativity that I could have. My coworkers were amazing - like a huge, supportive family. Which was the perfect place that God wanted me to be as He led me to leave the community that I grew up in and follow Him more closely. I grew up in a conservative church and there were a lot of good things that I learned and experienced, but as I grew in my walk with God, I felt His leading to find a different church. This was one of the hardest things I ever did - stepping completely outside of anything I had ever known and learning basically an entire new way of living.

[a few Hy-Vee coworkers that came to my wedding]

[over 2.5 years working at Hy-Vee]

After that, God started leading me in a new direction in my career. I took a job as a clinical dietitian at a hospital, and moved across the state to a place where I had never met anyone. It was such a growing experience - and again my coworkers have been phenomenal and a huge support to me. Besides changing directions in my career, I felt God leading me to change careers completely. I love my job as a dietitian. I absolutely love it. And after a year at my current place, they promoted me to lead dietitian which has been another amazing, humbling, growing experience. However, I still feel God leading me out of my comfort zone as a dietitian and making a huge leap of faith by going back to school. (hopefully more details on that in the future ;) )

[friends and moving crew]

[the awesome dietitians I get to work with everyday now]

During all of this, I also started dating... After a couple months of dating, my (now husband) had his work visa renewal rejected which started a 2-year-long LONG distance (8,000 miles) relationship. Despite the struggles, God blessed us with being able to travel to 5 countries together; which I highly recommend if you ever have the chance - as traveling truly is a growing experience as you find out that the whole world does not necessarily fit into your neat little box ;) We got married in September and I am now living in India for a few months with my darling husband as we wait on a spouse visa.

a few wedding photos:

[my family]

[my sweetheart]

[my besties]

[the ring + henna]

[guestbook]

[the best mother in the world]

[my mom MADE all the decorations - she is the BOMB]

[our adorable flower girl]

[wedding party]

A few photos from India :)

[the view from our flat's gallery]

[our first guests at our home - a fellow "masala sister" which is what I learned that foreigners married to Indians are called lol]

[nothing like stopping your car on the roadside to get a fresh coconut]

Goodness, I think I am getting old.... but life is an amazing adventure and I absolutely cannot wait to see where God takes us next :)

God Made You

2020-03-03T05:35:00.001-06:00

[via]

it was a quiet feeling,
the kind that just sneaks up on you.
the kind that you never expect.
it was a lovely feeling,
different than what you pictured.
different than you had imagined.
and i didn't know how to describe it;
the way you loved me,
or the space you held for me.
it was like opening a new door,
one that i'd never noticed before.
and behind that door,
was a new world.
a breath of fresh air.
a precious gift from God.
and when He crumbled the old world
in front of my eyes;
He fashioned you to hold me.
He made you to fit me in a perfect way.
and to show me what true love is.

Nothing Will Ever Be the Same

2020-03-03T05:27:00.001-06:00

[via]

nothing will ever be the same.
yet, still i remember those moments
the walls of my heart painted with nostalgia
happy moments turned into sadness
wistful longing for stories that never unfolded.
but i hold these memories in my mind
opening them and closing them a million times.
and smiling at the way you laughed;
the connection we had, if only for a moment.
and you may forget me,
a hundred years from now;
but, darling, i'll never forget our moments,
our memories,
our split second of connection in this journey of life.
and as i close the box of my heart,
i whisper a prayer, that some day,
i'll run into you again...
in a crowded store or abandoned hallway.
and that our eyes will meet like old times,
even though it is a thousand miles away.
and i'll say your name, and you'll say mine.
for a moment, the memories will be with us again,
my dear friend,
and the memories will be sweet again
instead of bittersweet.
nothing will ever be the same.

Flavor of Your Love

2020-02-19T02:07:00.002-06:00

i let the flavor of your love

sink onto my tongue;

a million thoughts

dancing on my taste buds.

and every day is something new

something new to love;

so many things to learn,

so many memories to make.

these flavors are exotic

in endless combinations;

and as i take another bite

it's anything but ordinary.

Self Righteous

2020-02-19T01:59:00.002-06:00

[Hyderabad, India]

the sun is setting out my window
a gentle breeze dancing with the curtains
as i breathe this summer air
noises from the ground below
still echo in my ears
and i watch the traffic doodles
and swirling neon lights
outlining the roads below
my mind is full with pleasant thoughts
happy memories
hopeful dreams
but i often wonder at the difference
that a world can make
my day is over and they are just starting
even time seems different,
in the chaos there is still peace.
in the hustle, there is still calm.
and i wonder what God thinks,
as He looks down from above.
with the whole world judging each other
and withholding love,
when He created so much variety,
and all we want is for them to fit in our little box.
and we choose our beliefs over loving,
instead of letting the Holy Spirit convict.
because we think we have all the answers,
and maybe we just need
to walk a mile in their shoes.
and remember that Jesus
condemned the pharisees for their judgmental beliefs.

the world isn't a box.
God made it bigger.
His imagination is not limited
by culture or religious expectations.
and there is so much beauty that we miss
when blinded by pride and self righteousness.

Ordinary

2020-02-06T04:02:00.000-06:00

[via]

it was a normal day
the sun was shining, but not too bright.
the birds were singing, but not too loud.
my heart was beating, but not too fast.
the kind of day that you never notice.
it doesn't catch your eye or change your breath.
and if you let it, it will make you comfortable.
too comfortable; complacent.
but that's the kind of day it is.
nothing more or nothing less.
always steady, always constant.
with the sun shining, and the birds singing,
and my heart beating; beat by beat.
never stopping, never tiring.
but sometimes, love,
ordinary is the best kind of love.

Cleansed

2020-02-06T03:53:00.001-06:00

[via]

the storm surrounded me

like the darkness you created

cold, heavy rain took away my breath

and lightning pierced my soul.

it's what you wanted, right, love?

you wanted me to feel the pain.

you wanted me to know i wasn't worthy.

undeserving of your love.

you wanted me to know i was wrong.

isn't that why you threw those stones?

but, love, don't you know...

you aren't god.

you don't see my heart or hear my prayers.

my decision doesn't affect your self righteousness.

the rain fell down, and it almost drown me,

but love, i thank God for it

i thank Him over and over

because instead of drowning, it cleansed me

illuminating the dross and removing it.

and i thought i would miss you

once the pieces fell,

but all i feel is peace.

Jesus has the storm.

Better

2019-09-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

[via]

i fell in love with you
with rainy afternoons
with sunshine dancing on the floor
and cozy whispers in my ear.

i fell in love with you
and when i looked up
you were there beside me all the way
with a handsome smile to cheer me.

i fell in love with you
despite all the naysayers
despite the self righteous haters
i fell in love with someone better.

Learned to Sail

2019-05-21T17:32:00.002-05:00

[via]

the sun was dancing through the leaves
kissing your face with its shine
as we laughed in the autumn breeze.
it was a gradual feeling,
like meeting a stranger
and one day, realizing you're best friends.
we had adventure in our blood
and a story written only by God
and a mutual love of learning.
as this ship sailed, eight thousand miles or two.
we jumped on board
with laughing hearts
and learned to sail together.

Took My Hand

2019-05-21T17:01:00.002-05:00

[via]

i hesitated,
unsure of these emotions
unsure of this wave of thoughts
new and unrelenting
i hesitated,
not sure if i was strong enough
to endure the long winter nights
or to walk by your side
and in that moment,
you took my hand.
you reached out and took my hand
you touched my soul
and chased the fear away
and all i remember seeing
was the little boy behind your eyes
so full of hope and belief
you never doubted me,
even when i doubted myself
and you never hesitated
to share your warmth and strength.

The Day I Realized

2019-03-27T19:26:00.003-05:00

[via]

there was an essence,
a silently understood facade
and i believed it all my life
growing up, i never doubted
but now i've learned
to look in the shadows -
and when i did,
the walls came down.
the false hopes,
and painted memories,
they all came crumbling down.
and when i looked in the shadows,
i realized that you were never really there
and you can't fool me any longer
with your artificially sweetened misnomers
and the subtle way that you destroy me
all while pretending that you care.
oh, but my darling,
God gave me a gift,
He showed me what true love looks like
and in His gracious kindness to me,
the scraps of artificial love
that i used to cling to,
have fallen off and set me free
but, my love,
i'll never forget the day i realized
that you never actually cared.

Blank

2019-03-12T22:06:00.004-05:00

[via]

this vision is blank
like the page before me -
blank and devoid of meaning.
i swallowed a star
and the moon forgot me -
shrouded in her black cloak of rain.
these dreams destroyed me
they fell like the rain -
inside my soul.
and i couldn't breathe
at the thought of you -
the bittersweet memory of you.