Lauren & Brian

12 Months of Holly

2011-01-27T12:18:00.000-08:00

Hours after her birth.

2 weeks old, already smiling a little bit

1 month

2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

12 months

Happy birthday, little bear. We are so glad to have you in our lives!

Autumn Pics and Updates

2010-10-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

It feels so cliche how I take so many fewer photos and upload so much less frequently with my 2nd kid. I love these pics, though, you can see Holly's personality emerging as well as a sisterhood coming into being.

Holly Geraldine at 8-9 months old

So much change for Holly. She is eating only "real" food now (no more purees) and can self-feed very well. Unfortunately with only one high chair she usually only gets the chance about once a day. She enjoys it muchly :).

Exploring the world. Scooting herself around has finally turned into Real Actual Crawling this weekend, and she so enjoys this mobility. Time for us to break out the childproofing!

Holly has always been an early riser. I feel pretty lucky that she is waking up closer to 6 am instead of 5 am as she did for so long. We enjoy about 20 minutes of alone time before Brian and Robin wake up. She plays with magnets and harrasses the cats while I feed them and make coffee.

She's starting to make a bit of baby mischief, mostly by dumping things out or eating things she shouldn't. It's so mild and harmless in comparison to Robin's intense toddler hijinks that it is endearing. I'm enjoying this time before she starts fighting with her sister, making real/serious trouble, etc etc. Her Hollyish personality is emerging and it is interesting to compare her to Robin, although I really really want to avoid that. She enjoys music, like Robin, and loves being in the center of the action. On Mondays, when our babysitter brings her 4 year old twins over to play, Holly just sits in the middle of all the giggling, screaming, and flailing and takes it in with joy. She loves soft toys, especially a big fluffly gray cat I recovered from a ditch during a rainstorm (true story!) and washed up. Like every child she loves remotes and cell phones. She is certainly a youngest and Robin is an oldest.

Sisters
Robin and Holly are becoming playmates.

Robin is mostly a jerk to Holly (sorry but it's true, must be deeply genetic. Sorry Christine and Clayton!) but she is starting to see how Holly could be a friend to her and how that could pay off. They certainly enjoy each other's company and get into big giggling fits in the backseat of the car together, as they should.

And one of just Robin
Our budding artist...

Time flies

2010-09-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

With the start of the school year, my time to blog has become very limited, so sorry I haven't posted in months. I intended to post about Holly at 6 months old, and I turned around and she's 8 months!

September has been a very hard month for our family. It began with a serious stomach virus being passed from one of us to the other over the course of about 10 days. Robin suffered the worst, becoming severely dehydrated and spending the night in the hospital. Holly was spared for the most part -- she vomited twice one evening and then bounced back after that. It was... horrible. We are all still a bit shell shocked and processing it, and of course we are way behind on everything.

I turn 30 in a few days; I didn't think it would bother me, but it kind of does. I thought my life would look different when I was 30, and I certainly thought I'd be further along in grad school :P. That being said, I have 2 beautiful children.

Name: Robin Christine
Age: 2.5 yrs
Nicknames: Little Bird, Robin Egg

Likes: playing on swings, walks in strollers, seeing her friends.
Dislikes: barfing, most foods, Daddy playing "tikitar" instead of hanging out with her, getting her hair washed.
Favorite foods: Pancakes, chips, pickles, peanut butter sandwiches, fruit (mostly).
Favorite books:

Favorite Shows:

Name: Holly Geraldine
Age: 8 months
Nicknames: Hollybear, Little Bear, Gellydine

Likes: Eating real people food, banging on keyboards, kitties, trying to crawl, pulling all the wipes out of the box
Dislikes: pooping, diaper changes, anyone leaving her alone, failing to crawl, having her nose wiped
Favorite foods: Beans, bananas, bread
Favorite books:

Favorite Shows:
Anything with music, but she does seem to especially enjoy Fantastic Mr. Fox.

6 months of tandem nursing

2010-07-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today (at 10 am) marks 6 months of breastfeeding Holly, and that also means 6 months of tandem nursing.

Holly is one of those pleasingly plump babies. She's in her 9-12 mo clothes already.

Here's one of both girls:

Robin still loves nursing and asks for it first thing in the morning. We still nurse before nap and bedtime. Just last month she began to sleep through the night, so I am now nightweaning her (when she does wake up, she does not get to nurse!). There's no "2 and a half" ribbon, so I wanted to mark this achievement in case something changes before she turns 3 (but I doubt it will).

I will post a big picture post/thoughts on half a year with Holly very soon!

Tornadoes

2010-06-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

I just wrote this up for a friend moving to the midwest from California, and I thought it was good enough to post so that someone googling it might benefit from my years of accrued wisdom.

I have lived in the midwest all my life, including Oklahoma where tons of tornadoes happen. Let me share my wisdom with you. Here's how it works:

Tornadoes are caused by cold air hitting hot, humid air. It's the temperature difference that causes the spiraling that leads to a tornado. So, they are most likely to happen on days when it's super hot out, and you look at the weather forecast and see a big old storm headed your way almost always from the SOUTHWEST (so, probably from the Oklahoma area, moving northeast towards KC metro). Tornadoes seem to happen most often in the EVENING. They are very rarely "rogue" -- they don't pop up out of nowhere, but are usually part of a big storm system, NOT the kind of thing you'd be likely to be "out and about in."

Listen to the major radio stations and check the weather online. Meteorologists are super paranoid and will issue a tornado WATCH at the drop of a hat (that means conditions are favorable to produce a tornado). You'll probably know if you need to be on the watch. If you're in the car, keep the radio on. Learn the map of KC so you know when they're talking about a place near you -- they most often describe tornadoes as occurring in X *county* so you'll want to be familiar with that.

If the tornado WATCH is upgraded to a WARNING (meaning a tornado has been spotted), the sirens in your area will go off. In my opinion, as a person having lived around tornadoes my whole life, the sirens going off means you should start taking precautions right away so that if a tornado hits your neighborhood you will all be safe.

- The safest room is a room with no windows in the center of your home (usually a bathroom) or the basement (they have these in a lot of homes in KC!).
- Make sure everyone has hard-soled shoes, and bring your purse, cell phone, a flashlight, and a battery-powered radio that you can use to listen to the weather (if there's a tornado in the area, the major stations will stop playing music and cover the tornado until it's gone).
- If you have little ones, bring your diaper bag, maybe some snacks. My parents used to have a mattress in the basement and they'd just carry us down and we'd sleep in there until the threat passed (like I said, they usually happen in the evening).
- If you have pets, be sure to have crates for them and put them in the crates if the tornado is near your home. I usually lock my cats in the bathroom when the sirens go off, and then if we do take shelter because a tornado is tracking close to us, we put them in their crates.

Most of it is a matter of paying attention, and don't hesitate to hunker down if you're worried. My guess is that you'll end up getting annoyed mostly, since a lot of the time they push the panic button and nothing happens -- but better safe than sorry is my motto.

There are some great documentaries about tornadoes that you can watch with your kids, and a kid's book called TWISTER that you might consider reading. It can be -- IS -- scary stuff because the storms are loud, and seeing your parents worry and hiding in a room can be spooky. Try to learn about it as a family so you can all help each other make sense of the experience. If you understand the dynamics of the storms and pay attention, I think it's pretty easy to distinguish times when you don't need to worry from times you do.

For the record, Brian thinks I'm overparanoid and too quick to hop into the bathroom. What can I say, I get spooked by scary weather and being prepared and in a safe place makes me feel less panicky than, you know, WALKING OUTSIDE IN A HAILSTORM TO TRY AND SEE A WALL CLOUD. But to each his/her own.

A month in pictures

2010-05-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

April flew by.

I gave Robin her first haircut on Easter Sunday. She had her hair smartly bobbed. I bribed her with TV and a chocolate bunny.

Holly's new skills include putting her feet up on the bouncy seat, squealing like crazy, holding her head up really well, allllmost rolling over and alllllmost laughing. She can also hold toys well and is chewing on them (and her thumb!!) madly. This is partly because she is ALREADY TEETHING!! Her bottom 2 teeth are just below the surface.

Becoming little buddies.

On a walk with Dada.

Robin loves painting. Watercolors are pretty clean and easy to clean up.

Holly displaying an inherited loyalty to the Cubs with the stuff Janine sent both girls!

So long March 2010

2010-04-04T17:30:00.001-07:00

March sucked. It was a month of exhaustion and illness and fights. I'm glad it's gone.

April has been lovely so far. Although sleep continues to be scarce, we're in good health and humor.

Last night, Brian and I babysat for our friends' children, Noam and Jasper, who are about 6 months older (respectively) than Robin and Holly. Although we were somewhat terrified of having 4 under 2 years old on our own, it went really well. No meltdowns or screaming fits, and no fights. Noam and Robin had tons of fun playing together.

Holly continues to delight us with her sweet ways. She is nearly 10 weeks old, and working hard on holding her head up and laughing. She's slowly settling into a napping schedule during the day, something Robin never really did until I forced her to at about 17 months old!! She loves Robin and watches her wherever she goes.

We decided to go ahead and hire a sitter for Holly. We posted an ad in the University's jobnet service and got about 20 responses - yikes! We hired a really lovely woman and she will be coming 3 mornings a week to take care of Holly while I teach and work. We are also thrilled that she will be doing some desperately needed CLEANING!! She came on Thursday and when I got home from school MY KITCHEN WAS CLEAN! It was like Christmas. Childcare will officially overtake rent as our #1 expense, but this is the only way I will be able to progress towards my degree. We are suddenly feeling very motivated to get me through this PhD. I am trying to figure out a way to ambitiously finish in 2 years... it would be a hard push, but might be worth it. I want to be making money! And we want to know where we'll be living.

I'm also excited that after 5 months, our cloth diapers are coming home with new elastic and snaps. I'm so sick to death of disposable diapers! So we will use up the ones we have right now and then transition back to cloth. I think I've forgotten how to do it!! But we did it for 17 months straight, so I imagine we can pick it back up.

Otherwise... life is pretty boring. Lots of tv and 'net surfing and just trying to get through the day, stay on top of teaching, etc.

Girls on film

2010-03-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Big sickness, and Robinisms

2010-03-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a few weeks. We had 2 solid weeks of serious respiratory illness here (maybe RSV?) that hit Robin the worst. It started with general crankiness that turned into a terrible cough. She was diagnosed with an ear infection, but 2 days later the cough was so bad that I took her to the ER (a year almost to the day after we took her in for the same reason and she had pneumonia). She was diagnosed with croup. I took her in for a last follow up and talked to the doctor about the possibility that Robin has "reactive airway disease," which basically means she's too young to diagnose with asthma and that colds are a trigger for asthma attacks. So next time she has a bad cough, we'll try an asthma treatment to see if it helps.

Holly picked up Robin's illness and although she never developed the horrifying cough, she was definitely sick, so I ended up taking her in, too (I spent a lot of time at UIHC and met a lot of FP docs). Mostly Holly had a lot of drainage that she kept choking on.

I think the worst part was just how LONG this illness lasted in everyone! Robin was sick for 2 weeks -- she's only just now getting her appetite back and settling down in terms of sleep. Holly is STILL a little gooey. I had a very mild version of this virus, but it took forever to move through the stages (sore throat for several days, congestion for several days, etc etc). We were all exhausted. And Robin's behavior deteriorated horribly. She was just monstrous to be around. The cherry on top was cold, nasty weather: we're just so incredibly sick of being shut in the house! Anyway, the worst has passed, and weather is looking up. It's been above 50 a few times and we've been going on walks in our new double stroller. It's amazing what fresh air does for the soul.

We did find out at the MANY appts that Robin weighs 30 lbs and Holly is up to 12 lbs. My my, what healthy girls I grow.

Robin is full of adorable phrases right now...

"Mommy my do it" means that she wants me to do something... "Robin my do it" means she wants to do it herself.

Some of our favorite words she says... "pasta" (as in "nummy pasta," which she picked up from daycare) (sounds like "pah-tah"). "Pepperoni" (sounds kind of like bubber-ronee) which she loves right now (anything to get more protein in that kid). She says "submarine" but it's like "deedee -eeeeen" and that's how she asks to watch the "Yellow Submarine" video on youtube.

She's just now getting interested in having stuffed animals in bed with her. This started when Holly was born and I could no longer stay in bed with her and nurse her to sleep, so after 5 or 10 min I get up and leave. To help this transition, I offered her squishy baby (a toy her grandparents gave her AGES ago), which she loved. Then it became "big baby" and "little baby," and then the babies plus "kitten" and "rabbit" and "bear." They don't lie on the pillow, she holds them all in her arms while she nurses. Then when she wakes up, she gathers them together and says, "Come on, guys!"

She's really into narratives about missing people. This all comes from the Jack Black episode of Yo Gabba Gabba :bag. "Miss Dada. Crying. Back soon!" That's the story -- I miss someone, I'm sad/crying, but they'll be back soon so now I feel better!

She also does this for injury/being upset in general. "Holly crying. Dada hugs. And Mommy hugs. Better." This comes from a few months ago when she and I fell on a box while I was pregnant and we both cried, and then Brian hugged us and we felt better. It was kind of a traumatic experience for her and she kept talking about me tripping over the box and crying, so I really emphasized the Daddy hugs to make us feel better, and now it's part of any commentary on people crying (including people on TV, men women old young, animals, etc -- Daddy hugs will make them all feel better!).

2 years old!

2010-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

See more pics of her party here.

Still nursing!

Holly is 4 weeks old today.

Happy birthday to you, my girls.

Or as Robin would say, "happy day noodles."

compare andcontrast

2010-02-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

Robin

Holly

Robin

Holly

Robin

Holly

Robin

Holly

Cute overload

2010-02-09T09:02:00.000-08:00

That's right, she is already smiling a little bit.

And the cutest thing ever captured on film (or whatever you'd say for a digital camera).

Birth Story

2010-02-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

I was fairly hopeful when I went to bed the 26th even though I'd had weeks of feeling hopeful and being let down. Shortly after midnight I woke up and had some contractions, but they fizzled so I ate some food and peed and went right back to bed in the hopes that I'd need my energy. Around 2:30 I woke up and became aware that I'd had a few contractions in my sleep and that they'd been fairly sharp, which was encouraging. I got up and moved to the couch, and the contractions kept coming sharply, although at uneven intervals. But they didn't space out! And they kept coming when I changed positions! So by about 4:30 I thought we were in serious business. I gave our midwife a heads up and put Brian on Daddy duty so I could try and rest, which I did. I slept until about 6:30, being awakened regularly by sharp but bearable contractions. Robin woke up at 6:30 and I was nervous that this shift in activity/energy would mess stuff up. But instead, things picked up. Moving around to go to the bathroom, get her dressed, etc, increased my contractions a bunch. We called and asked if we could bring her to daycare a little early, and Lindsay was like DUDE OF COURSE so off Robin went. I asked Kathy to send Monica and their new apprentice midwife, my co-teacher in the Iowa Link program, Shell!! (This is cool, because I'd had this sort of strange sense that Lauren, the other apprentice who'd attended Robin's birth, wouldn't be at this birth. And during some conversations with Shell earlier I'd had this weird sense that she should be at the birth, but couldn't imagine why or how that would work out, so when I found out she was going to start apprenticing for Kathy I was like, obvs. this is meant to be. I was her first homebirth!)

I figured Brian would be busy with stuff and I was getting to where I wanted company. So they showed up around 7:30/8:00. I sat on the couch and chatted and had a few contractions that were pretty painful, but they were a bit spaced out. In my head, I knew that if I wanted to I could have a lot more contractions simply by moving around, but it was nice to sit and be quiet with some great women. Around probably 8:30 (sense of time starts going for me at this point) the contractions were lasting awhile and I was needing to vocalize through them. I had a heating pad, which was helping, but sitting was definitely becoming uncomfortable. After a few damn strong contractions, Monica suggested I go to the restroom and then she check my cervix. I dreaded going to the bathroom because that meant a bunch of contractions, and boy howdy those were painful indeed. I cried a little in the bathroom. A few double peaked. I made my way back to the couch and Moni checked me. It was uncomfortable but not as excruciating as I was fearing it would be. She really dug around and asked me to shift my weight a little, and then said, "Well, I don't feel ANY cervix." So... WOW, RIGHT?? I was 100% dilated and effaced. I actually turned to Shell and said "what did she say" because I just couldn't quite line that up in my mind. I mean, I was hurting, don't get me wrong, but!!?? At this point I said I wanted to get the tub ready and change into the black bra I wanted to wear, and get out of my clothes. As the tub was being set up, I continued to have some really fierce contractions, and started feeling panicky and very afraid of the pain and the work ahead. My support team was constantly with me, providing a ton of counterpressure on my back which made a HUGE difference (I'm bruised). Brian was around but I wasn't hanging on him the way I had during Robin's birth.

The second the tub was ready, I got in, and ended up on all fours roaring through contractions. Monica asked me to take that energy and direct it down and it took me a few minutes to realize that she was telling me to push. With Robin, pushing had been this overwhelming urge, but this time my mind still hadn't caught up with the fact that HELLO, I could push the baby out right now!! I had to consciously choose to push, which was a big commitment because OW. With Robin, pushing contractions weren't as painful as transition contractions had been. I think that was partly relief from productivity, and also partly just numbness from having been in labor for so long. This time, pushing was really painful. I remember it seeming impossible with Robin, too, but again I was bowled over by how completely and utterly impossible this task felt. But push I did, because I really did want to get that baby out. Kathy, my primary midwife, walked in the door as I was pushing. There was really no point in her doing anything other than standing there and watching! So Monica, a student CPM and my doula, mentor, and friend, got to catch my baby.

I had a tough time telling what was going on down there. It felt like the baby MUST be coming out, but Moni said she still wasn't quite crowning, which seemed so unfair! Then as she started to crown things became insane. During a contraction my water burst and I remember choking out the words "it broke." Holly was right behind. I literally let my legs lift off the floor of the tub with each push because any tension in them felt like it inhibited the baby. The baby's head came out and there was a pause as Monica told me her head was out. I breathed for a minute and then I said, "So... NOW WHAT??" and everyone laughed. I asked to know if she had hair. It was weird to have my head so engaged in what was happening rather than being in outer space like I was with Robin. In some ways, that made it less intense and freaky, yet at the same time I was so hyperaware it was a little scarier. I was so excited to finish the birth. Monica said behind me "are you ready to catch?" and I assumed she was talking to Brian... but she was talking to me! I pushed out a shoulder and then it took one more push to get her torso fully out and Monica was passing her into my surprised arms beneath my body. I rolled right over and WHEW!! I WAS DONE!!!!!!!! THAT IS THE BEST FEELING EVER!

Holly was not happy to be earthside and hollered quite a bit. She had big patches of vernix on her back and head, and I immediately was amazed at how much she looked like Brian, and like Robin when she was a newborn. It's that nose!! After some deep breaths and joyful exclamations I looked to see if it was a girl. It looked girl to me but I didn't have my glasses and didn't want to jinx it so I held the baby's legs open and looked up at Brian and said "I can't see, what is it?" And he said, "It looks like Robin has a sister." I can't quite describe the joy of having my wish come true and having a second little girl. I just kept laughing and smiling and saying how glad I was to have a little girl!! Brian cried a little. It felt so incredibly perfect and right to have our Holly. She was born at 10:06 am, which is pretty amazing considering that people had just shown up 3 hours earlier. It ended up being so perfect, because Robin was at daycare so we had plenty of time to get stuff cleaned up and settled before she came back home, and I had been able to completely unleash during the birth. I don't think Robin would have liked witnessing my screaming and wailing during pushing, and I definitely know that I would have felt inhibited and that would have screwed things up.

We got out of the tub and over to the couch. Holly seemed very cold to me so we grabbed a blanket out of the dryer and wrapped her up. I was able to push the placenta out immediately which always feels so great, even though the last thing you want to do after giving birth is push anything out of your body. Holly seemed keenly interested in nursing right away, so I tried popping her on, and she latched instantly and nursed for quite awhile! So different than Robin, who wasn't into nursing for about half a day after her birth! Holly nursed twice right after birth and even pooped in the blanket -- we couldn't believe it (it took Robin about 12 hrs to pass meconium). The birth team examined, weighed, and dressed her and I was glad to have bought a few girly newborn items just in case -- Holly has darker skin tone like mine and looked so pretty in the pink sleeper I had. We all thought she would be closer to 9 lbs but she ended up weighing 1 oz LESS than Robin had at birth -- 8 lb 4 oz!! I couldn't believe it. I guess she just hung differently in there for whatever reason. She is longer and than Robin was, too -- 20.5 inches, compared to Robin's weensy 18 inches. Robin has this little barrel chest and Holly is pretty slender in the body. Her hair is light brown and her eyes are blue but muddy -- seems like she could go lighter or darker in coloring, so that will be an adventure. My midwives examined the placenta and noted that it just had the barest beginnings of calcification -- between that and Holly's normal-ish size, it's kind of a mystery that she was 41w since everything LOOKS like a perfectly on time baby/placenta -- but I totes know my dates, so who knows what was up with that?? It's so strange that it took Holly about 10 more days to get to the same point Robin was at 5 days before her due date. Different babies, different bodies I guess.

I was thrilled to find out that not only did I NOT tear, I don't even have a skid mark. I had a 2nd degree tear with Robin that, although it healed nicely and quickly, was painful. It's just really gratifying that I achieved that goal in my birth. I think it was my position during delivery -- my pelvis was able to be very flexible and although she was birthed quickly, I didn't push like gangbusters in the same way I did with Robin. Pretty awesome.

Another nice thing about not tearing was that I didn't lose as much blood, so I didn't have problems with low BP afterwards. I really felt fantastic.

Holly Geraldine

2010-01-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry this is a few days late!

Holly Geraldine (a girl, hooray!) was born Wednesday morning, Jan 27th, at 10:06 am. She weighed 8 b 4 oz and is 20.5 in long. Labor lasted about 8 hours but it was really only about 2.5 hours at the end of active labor and pushing (fast! intense!). She was born in water, just like her sister.

I made it all the way to 41 weeks with her but nothing about her indicated that she was remotely "overcooked." She had vernix, was a pretty normal size, and my placenta only had the tiniest signs of the beginnings of calcification.

She is an absolute angel, we are all head over heels for her!

40+3

2010-01-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

Still pregnant! We've had some promising signs that labor will start soon but no guarantees... the waiting is so very hard! I guess every day that passes means the next day is that much more likely to be the birth day -- we just want to meet this little one. It's an emotional rollercoaster to be sure. I dreamed last night about not being pregnant... it was awesome!

40 weeks, hello!

2010-01-20T10:39:00.001-08:00

Wow, I can honestly say I never expected to get this far, even though there's no reason I wouldn't! Today is my due date and we are having a severe ice storm, so my midwife has forbidden me from going into labor. It's kind of nice to have a little mental break from wanting labor to start RIGHT THIS SECOND. Maybe tomorrow? I am optimistic it will happen by or during this weekend. We are soooo ready to meet this little person!

May these be my final belly pics!! + a few cute Robin pics...

Robin helps us test out the birth tub. Do you think she remembers being born here?

Assembling Robin's play kitchen.

39w3d -- pregnanter than I've ever been

2010-01-16T17:42:00.000-08:00

As of about 1:15 this morning, I'm more pregnant than I ever got with Robin. I had a nice prenatal with Monica this afternoon -- everything's looking good and she said the baby feels big to her (I agree!). FHT in the upper 120s, a "boy" heart tone if you believe the old wives' tale. I did go ahead and get my cervix checked. I never had a check with Robin until I was deep in active labor (Kathy remarked at our last prenatal that it was like she had to "push the button" to kick things into gear with my labor with Robin, which is partly why I felt like maybe my cervix should get a little poke?). But this time I figured, what the hey. Anyway, my cervix is still a little posterior, which is a bummer, but whatevs. I'm dilated about 1.5 (so, barely), but it's nice and soft. Moni did a little sweep (as much as one can "sweep" a barely dilated cervix!). I didn't update it here, but on yesterday I had several hours of "false" labor that went nowhere but wore me out. I really thought I was going to have a baby, but it kept intermittently petering out and then reappearing. It just wasn't acting the way labor is supposed to act. It was very frustrating.

I just figure this all -- this and my feeling of complete normality today -- means that nothing's going to happen for a few more days. I still imagine it will happen in the next week, but it may really not be until my EDD or later, like maybe next weekend. So I'm wrapping my mind around that, and making some plans since this means I'll need to teach this week and try to keep myself busy. (I think my students will be surprised to see me!) In some ways it's a relief just to have school things to focus on: the time will fly, my time will come, and at least I have a sense that I'm getting there but not particularly close, and I'm not having tons of prodromal labor, so I can be relatively comfortable in the meantime. I think more than anything I'm disappointed in my own lack of instinct in terms of the birth. With Robin I had the sense all along she might come a little early, and she did. This time I felt the same way, and I've been so wrong. And hey, if this baby is born in the 20s of January, that means our entire family will have birthdays in the 20s (Brian Oct 21, me Sept 28, Robin Feb 24). That's kind of cool. It is just a matter of time, I keep telling myself, even though I'm simply DYING to meet this child.

I keep meaning to mention that we are having reservations about our boy name, so it may be back to the drawing board for that. It's a fine name but doesn't feel quite right anymore. And that's ok. I think right now we are hoping for a girl but expecting a boy... not sure why.

Robin is sick. I think she may have picked up a bug from daycare although nothing as horrible as some of the kids got -- but she does have a phlegmy cough (not bad, but definitely present), a mild fever, and she had some nasty poo earlier today. As a result she is nursing a ton and really droopy. Hoping she kicks it in a day or 2 as the other kids have. Early bedtime tonight for sure.

She's such a funny little bird. She loves big words lately -- caterpillar, grandfather, helicopter, kookaburra, cockatoo, etc etc. I can't even keep up with her vocab anymore, and her sentences get longer and more complex all the time. Her memory is amazing and she's getting a small sense of time now, so we can refer to things happening later and she no longer freaks out (every time, anyway). She continues to fall asleep on her own, happily, and with a blanket. Who is this small person in my life?? I can't believe her 2nd birthday is a month away. She's getting that lanky look of older toddlers, and it scares me somewhat that after 2 comes 3, which seems SO GROWN UP. And if the third year flies by as fast as this second year does... man. Where did my tiny baby go? I love her so.

38 weeks TOMORROW

2010-01-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

I'm officially entering the part where I will definitely have a baby, which is crazy!! It's no longer particularly "early" and we're in the clear developmentally. We have a prenatal Saturday afternoon. I'm feeling more nesting energy than ever, and have done all kinds of things around the house and taken care of most of the major things I was hoping to accomplish before the baby gets here. The only stuff left is related to teaching and an incomplete course I would LIKE to get out of the way... but really, the baby could (and should!) come any time. We are really, really READY!

And now, for some crazy and exciting news: for the 4th night in a row, Robin has fallen asleep by herself.

Tonight... she's in her toddler bed.

This is so huge to me, I can't even describe it, and I'm knocking on every available piece of wood to make sure it's not some bizarro fluke. (I don't know what changed. Seriously. I just prevented Brian from going right in after I nursed her down a few days ago, and she didn't cry, so we just waited, and then she fell asleep -- and it keeps happening that way.)

I'm so proud, and kind of sad!! I wonder if she'll stay there all night, or what. She's such a great little person and I know I will miss her little body. Hopefully, once she is in the toddler bed all night long, she'll still crawl up to the big bed for morning snuggles.

Today was another whirlwind day of nesting like crazy (this included scrubbing mold off the wall in my bedroom while Robin ate soup in the kitchen, and scooping the litter box for the first time since I got pregnant). Right now I can't decide if I'm starving or feeling a little nauseous. I think I'll make Brian make me some toast and rub my feet.

Prenatal, 37 weeks tomorrow

2009-12-29T14:18:00.000-08:00

We had our first home visit this afternoon. Brian wasn't there but Robin was awake (shy at first, then increasingly show offy). Anyway, I'm still measuring 37 weeks (I think that's positional, though!!) and she said "baby doesn't feel huge" (which I think is WRONG!) but she does think that based on the baby dropping and rotating to the left (when she's been on the right the whole time) that the baby may be getting ready to arrive (which I think is RIGHT!! Isn't it fun how I can pick up what I like and discard the rest??). Anyway, my heart leapt into my throat when she said that because I've been thinking -- guiltily thinking -- that the baby would come earlier than Robin did, but Kathy even acknowledging the possibility made it seem scarily REAL and SOON and AGH!! She is bringing the birth pool by this week. We scheduled a prenatal for the 9th. FHT were in the low 130s (so today it's a boy).

Other than not having the tub, we are set on birth stuff. We're basically ready for THE BIRTH. It's the whole LIFE AFTER THE BIRTH thing we're still scrambling to organize and prepare for. But I guess as long as we're ready for that first night, we're as ready as we will ever be.

35 weeks

2009-12-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

Had a nice visit with my midwife, who has an adorable 8 week old Maine Coon kitten now, which is extra fun. (His name is Walter!)

I'm up a few pounds again (3ish?), and I can tell it's all going to the baby. Suddenly this kid feels hefty -- I remember Robin feeling like this at the end. My fundal height stayed the same (35) but the baby has palpably, deeply engaged in my pelvis (hooray! pressure! even more peeing!). Kathy estimates he (she?) weighs about 6 lbs right now. Heart rate was a little lower than it has been, but nothing scary (probably a snoozy kiddo). Everything looks great and is lining up.

It was funny -- when we were setting up the next visit, Kathy was all "oh, we can do it between Christmas and New Years, bla bla" and I'm like "whatevs, we can do it whenever" and then I realized that if we wait until AFTER New Year it's the home stretch -- it will officially be January, and I could (technically) go as early as the 11th or so. So I can see why she was like we need to get this done! We start home visits now and she'll be coming the Tuesday after Christmas.

I stopped at Walgreens on the way home and picked up some birth supplies, and organized them a bit when I got home. At this point I just need to pack the post partum/hospital bag and order the tub liner, and we're pretty much set. And print out the birth plan stuff.

Now I should write an essay that's due Wednesday, but I think I might have to take a nap. Robin woke up at 5:30 or so (AGAIN) and even though she didn't STAY awake, she kicked/cried/thrashed every 10 minutes or so until it was time to get up. Bleh.

Oh dear! 34 weeks

2009-12-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I updated. I feel terrible. Time has absolutely flown since Thanksgiving, with the semester wrapping up for me. I can't quite believe I've survived it: I was so nervous about taking 3 courses at the same time and parenting Robin and all, but ultimately it hasn't been too bad. I don't think I've done fantastically in each class, but I'm passing, which is all that ultimately matters. I am completely done with one class, and close to it for the other 2. I have grading to do, but that's always the case. I can't believe that by next Friday, I will be done with coursework FOREVER!! YIPPEEE!!!! It's been 10 years coming :P.

My heart and mind are so focused on the upcoming birth. I can't believe we are in the home stretch: 6 weeks, maybe less, and we'll have a second baby. This baby is soooo big and very active. I've been measuring ahead pretty consistently, so I'm definitely very-end-of-pregnancy huge, and feeling all the discomforts: heartburn, trouble sleeping, even more peeing than I had been experiencing, etc. We had our first huge/epic snowstorm and it was like reliving my pregnancy with Robin. I went out and bought new winter boots and some yaktrax before the storm hit so hopefully this time I won't fall on the ice, and I can keep up with Robin (who is all about running away from her mama right now). It's kind of neat that winter will be my birthing season. It's been pretty cool to have my pregnancy overlap seasonally with Robin's, but I like that this one happens sooner!! I will be full term on Christmas and get to enjoy the break as a total nesting time. Most of the baby clothes have been put away, and we are acquiring all the little things one needs for the birth and post partum. We bump up to biweekly visits with the midwife starting this week. Yet I feel like we have SO MUCH TO DO before he/she gets here.

Robin has been a handful lately: she's suddenly refusing to eat in the evening, which means she wakes up ridiculously early and can't fall back asleep. The 5:30 wakeups are killing me!! Yet at the same time she's singing adorable songs (this morning she entertained us with "Jingle Poops") and speaking practically in complete sentences, and very cuddly and loving. Terrible 2s, I guess...

Baby Dream (finally) at 31w4d

2009-11-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

I've only had one dream about this baby during the pregnancy, and that was verrrrrry early on when I dreamed it was a little girl. Last night I finally had another birth/baby dream!

In the dream we were at my grandmother's old house, which was really neat. I actually use that as a visualization for labor (early on, anyway), walking through her house and thinking about how I know every detail of it. It's a very comfortable and familiar place for me -- it pretty much captures my sense of home. ANYWAY, I'm in labor, but then I leave the living room where I am laboring and go wait in the kitchen. In some weird way, the baby is born without me being there. I'm in the kitchen with this weird "it's strange to not be birthing my baby" sensation. Then the baby has been born, so Brian and I walk back to the living room, and my midwife hands me the baby. I hold the baby up with a head under his head and his butt so he is face up and I see that it is a long boy with dark brown hair (almost absurd, wig-like brown hair). The baby is completely asleep, not moving at all. In my mind, I say, "aha, it's [boy name]!" and turn to show Brian. Brian sees that it's a boy and says, "Bummer." !!! Then I wake up.

When I told Brian about this he was very offended that my brain would construct him in that way. When I told him I'd dreamed we had a boy, for the record, he said "Yay!"

Baby Guessing Pool

2009-11-20T20:43:00.000-08:00

For fun only -- not going to promise anything amazing to the winner!

www.bebepool.com/lolacat

30 weeks

2009-11-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

Somehow knowing that there are only 10 weeks (probably) of this pregnancy left is BLOWING MY MIND and suddenly the whole nesting/organizing/getourshittogether urge is suddenly overwhelming.

I had a prenatal today. Everything is looking great but it was striking to me how different I am at this stage of pregnancy versus with Robin. From a journal entry at 29w4d with Robin:

Kathy palpated the baby and remarked that he has grown a LOT since I last saw her a month ago. Last time we had some trouble figuring out where he was just by touch; now body parts are pretty discernible. She felt a hard little head low in my abdomen (but not engaged) and a big back and butt blob on my right (as usual!). She could even feel little legs (I sometimes feel them, but usually only can pinpoint head, butt, and back). She pronounced this very good: he's head down (and usually is, we need this to stick!), mostly anterior, and big! As he runs out of room, he'll be less able to do the maneuvering and jumping jacks he can right now. I can't blame him for enjoying it while he can.

Kathy used the doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat and confirm his position. A little lower than last time - in the 138-140 range. Loud and strong! We could hear him flip-flopping around a little as well, which sounds kind of like dropping a bath toy into the water - blooop!

She measured my fundus, which was 27 cm - a little small for my dates. This isn't cause for alarm though - I was just a wee behind last time as well. Kathy said that if I was 4 cm behind, then she'd be worried, but that I clearly have a good amount of amniotic fluid, the baby is obviously growing, and I'm gaining the perfect amount of weight (I gained 10 pounds since our last appointment, hello!!) - all of these are signs that my body is doing what it needs to do and me and the piglet are perfectly healthy.

I was kind of bummed to be measuring "small" -- I feel like a barn! I was sure I'd be measuring AHEAD!! Oh well :). When I lie down on my back it all seems to deflate, and measurements are definitely affected by baby position as well. Everything is fine; maybe I'm just feeling uncomfortable and impatient!

Today I'm 29w6d, and just like last time, Kathy remarked at how the baby has grown so much. Baby is head down and ROT (kinda sideways on the right) -- but definitely head down. Heart tones in the high 140s. Here's the thing: I'm measuring AHEAD right now -- 32 cm!! -- but gained a TOTAL OF 3 POUNDS since last time. I gained 10 POUNDS during the same period with Robin, but for this pregnancy have only gained 5 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight (I lost 6, then gained that back, and now am +5... so I guess 11 lbs). WTF!!

I don't know if this means that I'll be gaining a monstrous amount during the 3rd tri or what. I seriously don't get this, since I feel like I am constantly eating/snacking! I'm not necessarily complaining since obviously the baby is growing. I guess it's all the applesauce and raisins and prunes we have around for snacks instead of delicious cake. I wonder if ALL of my weight is baby/placenta/water?? WEIRD. I think it's so funny that I've gained so much less weight and yet am BIGGER at this point, fundally (if that's a word).

Yet funny enough, we did my hemoglobin test today and just like with Robin, I'm a bit on the low side and need to start taking floradix to up my iron count. What's weird is that I don't feel that bad, whereas with Robin I was completely exhausted all the time. Anyway, it's time to get serious about my supplements, about our birth plans, and about this baby. Time is flying and I'm realizing this kid will BE HERE soon and we haven't done much to make ready our nest (sure, we're doing some general house things, but I'm talking about things like finding our baby clothes -- making sure we have everything we need -- etc). I also realized last night that this baby has barely interacted with Brian, as much as a fetus can, I mean. With Robin he had his hands on my belly all the time and talked to the baby. This time we are usually across the room from one another, or have a little toddler body between the two of us in bed. So I told him he needs to start saying goodnight to the baby. Of course, after I said this, we forgot to actually DO IT.

Should I start getting Robin prepared for the idea of a baby? It seems like it is so abstract. I can't imagine understanding that babies grow inside mommies as a not-quite-2-year-old. I distinctly remember not understanding it when I was 4. Yet it seems weird to not say ANYTHING or talk about it at all. WWYD?

We also started talking about how we're going to handle the birth, which at first Brian was like "what's there to discuss?" and once we started going he was then like "omg, this is overwhelming." Our number one concern is how to handle Robin, especially in such a small apartment (when I labored so incredibly LOUDLY last time). I neither want to scare her by witnessing my pain (which is scary if you don't understand it), nor do I want to drag her off somewhere strange and then have her reappear to meet a sibling. It's times like these I sorely wish we lived near family so she could go off to her auntie or grandma and have lots of fun, no worries.

Since we'll have a midwife and 2 assistants/doulas AND Brian, I think things will be ok. It's likely that the baby will be born while Robin is asleep. If Brian has to daddy, I'll be taken care of. It's my instinct that the thing to do is keep her home and manage somehow. Brian is really worried that she will be freaked out. Kathy said that in her experience, Moms worried about their toddlers' reactions tend to give birth at night, and that things tend to work out how they do without trauma or anything. I don't know, I guess my inner Freudian thinks this could be all wrong!! But I can't think of a better way to handle it.

I'm also trying to work on our transfer birth plan. I'm annoyed that I can't find the one I used with Robin, so I have to spend time thinking about all this negative, awful hospital stuff. UGH.

I'm getting excited, though. BABY!!!

In non-baby yet news, we ordered Robin this play kitchen for Christmas. It's already shipped (I thought it might take awhile, so wanted to get it early). It will fit right under the "breakfast bar" that's between our kitchttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifhen and living room and right now is totally wasted space (cat napping space, really). We also ordered new curtains for our bedroom, which will help us pick a paint color, which will be nice! It's a gorgeous week here. I feel like October and November traded places or something. I'm so glad Robin is enjoying outdoor time for a little while longer.

28w4d state of the uterus

2009-11-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted recently about the whole being pregnant thing, but things are definitely happening. So, I'm officially in the 3rd trimester, which is surreal and exciting. The second tri absolutely whizzed by, and I can tell that things are moving decidedly in the 3rd tri direction both physically but even more, mentally. First, my nesting instinct is in overdrive, as evidenced by my rabid obsession with finding a new place to live rightnowyesterday and being completely moved in as soon as humanly possible so we can be all organized and settled by the birth. Second, placenta brain is fully functioning. I locked myself out of my house and my car in the same day, at different times -- but my keys were in the same place both times. I keep dropping stuff. I'm struggling to stay organized and am having that thing, you know, where you like, can't think of the right -- oh what's the word I'm looking for? The final thing that tells me it's 3rd tri time is that I'm starting to feel some anxiety. I have found myself constantly obsessing over the baby's position, even though it's really too early to be worried about that. This baby is spending way more time breech than Robin ever did. And when she's not breech, she's almost always OP (that means her face is towards my tummy, which is not a great position for birth -- not impossible, but not ideal). I find myself thinking through scary birth scenarios as I'm falling asleep, or nursing Robin down. I try to see these things through and remind myself of the skill and competence of my midwife, and reassure myself, but it's hard right now. I've also had random morbid thoughts about Robin getting injured or dying, too. I remember going through a similar phase of anxiety at this time with Robin. Having to reschedule a prenatal hasn't helped -- for once I feel like there's stuff I'd like to ask, and know -- but my poor midwife got sick and I don't need that in my life!!

Physically, I'm definitely growing but I still don't feel that sense of HUGE. I still can't quite believe how... SMALL I feel this time around. I don't know if this is just a better sense of how big I will ACTUALLY get since I've been pregnant before, and therefore right now feels pretty manageable, or if there is a real difference between my size now and my size at this point with R. Looking at pics, I look about the same. If anything, this baby is carrying lower and sticking out more. (I know I'm behind on updating with belly pics... I just took some and will try to do a side-by-side). I know that by now, with Robin, I felt like I couldn't sleep in different positions, or bend over very well. This time I still find myself sleeping on my back some (which isn't exactly comfortable, but feels so good for my hips!). An upside to this is that I still feel fairly cute in my pregnant body.

This baby is very different in utero than Robin. As she gets bigger, the differences magnify. This kid is all OVER the place. I feel like she's constantly doing cartwheels and spinning like a top. I don't know HOW she can be in there and not be wrapped up in her cord like spaghetti around a fork. Yet for all the movement, she's not really vigorous like Robin was. Robin, by this point, was usually head down and sticking her feet or her ass way up into my ribs on the right side. I can STILL FEEL that sensation -- like a broomstick into my ribs, making driving and sitting really uncomfortable. This baby does a ton of poking and dancing and prodding, but it's not the same... I don't know, STRENUOUS OBJECTION to confinement.

Another striking difference about this pregnancy is the frequency and strength of Braxton Hicks contractions. I started having them at 14 weeks. I have several a day now, and they are not fun. They take my breath away, and when the baby is in a weird spot -- especially when she's breech and her little round head is up by my ribcage -- they're very uncomfortable.

My breasts definitely feel fuller than they have. I know I'm making colostrum now, although I'm not leaking because Robin is a big fan of this "nummy nana muk!"

Things I'm not worried about? Labor. I know it will hurt, I know I can do it. Done. Breastfeeding. And funny enough, when I think about the possibility of a breech baby, I'm not that worried about delivery. I feel like a much more sage mama this time around. Since it's not new, it's not as scary (some things anyway).

We have a definite girl name, but no boy name... not even contenders, right now. We've kind of dropped it as a subject. I feel like maybe we should just wait until the kid is born so we can be inspired by cuteness if he is a boy, or not worry about it if it's a girl. We mostly refer to the baby by her girl name.

We are looking for a house (well, a townhouse) to buy. We see two good prospects this afternoon.

In Robin news, the WORDSPLOSION continues. I'd say she says about 2 new things every day right now. Yesterday it was "sky" and "mimi" (I talked to my Mom on the phone, and told her I was talking to her Mimi, so she spent the rest of the day calling Mimi on the phone, even though I don't know if she actually gets the concept). Other new words... cars (her first plural!), pizza, big bird, hug. She's also been singing ABCs and the theme to Baby Signing Time by herself, which is painfully adorable. She is starting to string together words, saying things like "dada bye car" and "please mommy" (sounds like "meese mommy"). Although she doesn't use signs very much, she has all of the signs on her videos memorized and will do them during the songs (pretty impressive, I think!). And hallelujah, we found some baby shampoo that works really well for her hair, which has maximized her cuteness potential!

We didn't do anything special for Halloween this year. I feel rather bad about that -- Halloween was always such a fun holiday for me as a child, and my family has always made a point of decorating, watching good movies, etc. However, COME ON, she's 20 months old. I think she'd just be weirded out by it. I think it'd be more for me than her... and that's no fun. So, maybe next year when she's closer to 3 and we can read books and talk about it.