You’ve spent you whole life wanting to be treated like an adult – here’s your opportunity.

When your peers are acting like fools you can show your great home-training skills by following these basic etiquette rules. They are easy to implement, but they are just as easy to ignore. The choice is yours.

The following suggestions are for the young adult who wants to create an exceptional persona while developing their brand image.

They are based on my observations from interacting with thousands of young adults from my work as a convention dance instructor and as a public speaker.

1. GET PHYSICAL

Look people in the eye when you say hello. If you’re shaking hands, offer a firm handshake. If you’re going in for a hug, make it count and embrace like you mean it. If you’re going to make it seem burdensome, why bother?

2. SPEAK UP

Mumbling gives the impression you’ve got nothing going on. It’s too much work for people to continually ask you to repeat yourself. Speak clearly.

Say hello to adults when they enter a room. Look up, smile and say, “hello.” You’ll be appreciated and remembered.

Using the word “LIKE” a dozen times in every sentence is fine when speaking with your friends, but adults tune it out. It’s right up there with slang – it’s annoying and sounds ridiculous.

3. KEEP YOUR PHONE OUT OF SIGHT

Do not answer your phone in the middle of a face-to-face conversation. It’s rude and it tells the other person they are not important. Stay present with those in your presence.

When dining, whether at home, at McDonald’s or at a 5-Star restaurant – do not place your phone on the table (even if it’s face down). Sharing a meal is supposed to be a pleasurable experience so don’t ruin it by being disrespectful. And yes I can hear it buzzing in your pocket.

Avoid using your phone while walking or (obviously) while driving.  When you try to talk on a cell phone and walk at the same time, you end up looking like a zombie because your spatial awareness is limited. It’s one thing to bump into things while you’re walking, but it’s quite another if this happens while you’re at the wheel.  Most accidents could be avoided if you just put the phone down.

Be present in your life. Engage in what’s happening around you. You don’t always need to have your phone in your hand as if you’re bored and waiting for something better to happen.

4. BE GRACIOUS, SHOW GRATITUDE

Saying, “Thank you,” are two words that go a long way towards building good will. They confirm your intelligence and show that you’re a decent, caring, sensitive human being. Make saying “thank you” a habit.

Here are three examples to get you started:

1. Every meal or item of clothing provided to you by a parent should be followed by, “thank you.”
2. Every class you take is an opportunity for you to tell the instructor, “thank you.”
3. When a dance convention teacher gives you a free pass to a convention that saves you hundreds of dollars, say, “thank you.”

Take advantage of these and every opportunity to really stand out and be remembered by sending a hand-written Thank You Note.

5. CONTROL YOUR WEB PRESENCE

Social media is easy to use and easier to abuse. A conservative portrayal of you is your best course of action. Private moments should remain that way. Every picture doesn’t need to be posted and every thought doesn’t need to be expressed.

Swearing and making inappropriate comments could ruin an opportunity for you in the future. Have fun with social media and show the positive aspects of your personality. Create positive content that presents you in a good light.

6. FOLLOW THROUGH

If you say you’re going to do something – then get it done. If an adult offers you an opportunity to achieve your dream job, follow through. Ask for help if fear is blocking your ability to follow through.  Amazing things can happen when you decide to make a bold move and face your fears.

7. BEGIN RELATIONSHIPS FORMALLY

Address adults formally using ma’am, sir, Mr. and Mrs. Do this until they grant you permission to call them by their first names. Since the majority of kids call adults by their first names without being invited to do so, this is an incredibly easy way to stand out.

8. EXCUSE YOURSELF

My biggest pet peeve is when I’m having a conversation with someone and a third person approaches. Without saying excuse me, they interrupt and begin speaking with either one of us. How rude? Simply say, “Excuse me,” before you interrupt. It’s not that deep.

Bonus Tip:

9. SPEND LESS THAN YOU EARN.

Need I say more?

I have called out a lot of kids on these things I’ve mentioned above. I can tell from the blank look in their eyes that what I consider common courtesy is totally foreign to them. Some of these things never even occurred to them. That’s ok. However, once you learn and know better, it becomes your responsibility to do better.

The peculiar thing about these rules is this: when you abide by them, people may not exactly know why they like you, they’ll just know that you’re well-mannered and a joy to be around. When you don’t practice them, they’ll quickly notice you’re ill-mannered and obnoxious behavior and may develop a negative opinion of you that’s difficult to change.

Care enough to respect those around you and this is exactly what you’ll get in return – respect.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from my quote book Live, Love, Laugh, Dance:

“When you’ve only one breath left, use it to say thank you.” ~ Pam Brown.

What did I miss? Do you have other suggestions? Please add them below. Thanks.

When would now be a good time to stop procrastinating?

This caller is struggling with time management issues and can’t seem to get anything accomplished.

Listen in to find out what advice I offer.

During a recent show, I talked to a 36-year-old divorced mother who’s looking for love.  Like me, this caller was raised by a single mom.  She said that she doesn’t have a blueprint of what a healthy relationship should look like.  So far, she’s taken her relationship cues from romantic comedies.

The conservative side of me answered:  We know what a healthy relationship looks like because we know what an unhealthy relationship feels like.

Listen in to this week’s audio clip, to find out what else I had to say about this.  Then join the conversation and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Any relationship worth keeping is worth working on. A technique I use to maintain, or cultivate healthy relationships is to use the same strategy many adults use when playing games with young kids.

I’m sure you’ve witnessed a time when adults let kids win a game. If you’re an adult, you’ve probably done this yourself. It’s easy to let kids win because we want to make them feel good, we don’t need to feel superior to them.

In my adult relationships, I do the same thing. Sometimes it’s so annoying because I know I’m right. That’s when I say to myself, “Laurie, who cares? It’s not that important.” I may cringe on the inside before I let it go – but then I really let it go.

Here are some examples:

Person A: – “I can’t believe you want to go back to that restaurant, it sucks.”

Laurie: “What? I like that place. It’s one of my favorites.”

Person A: “OMG, you have such poor taste in restaurants, you’ll eat anything.”

Laurie: While fuming on the inside I take a deep breath and force myself to say, “I’m ok as long as you’re good. Dessert is more important to me, anyway. You pick the restaurant tonight. I’ll choose next time.”   

Discussion over.

Laurie: It’s so hot out today.

Person A: No it’s not. It’s totally freezing.

Laurie: Oh, well. I’m burning up.

Person A: You’re such a freak; there must be something wrong with you. You’re not normal, what’s up with that?

Laurie: Oh, I could see how you might be cold. Do you need a jacket; do you have on enough to keep you warm?

Discussion over.

Laurie: It’s going to be dark outside in about an hour.

Person A: No it’s not. We’ve got at least two more hours of daylight.

Laurie: Oh, ok. Cool.

Discussion over.

Laurie: Laurie Johnson is the best tap dancer in the world.

Person A: No way. She does the same stuff every time she performs and she’s got zero stage presence. I’d say she is on the low end of the scale when it comes to tap dancers.

Laurie: Um… Well you do have a point. She does tend to do the same thing when performing.

Discussion over.

It’s that simple. In these examples I’m not giving my power away – I’m preserving my sanity and reserving my energy. I give no meaning to these simple, inconsequential discussions. To debate them further is a waste of time. I’d rather be happy than be right. Additionally, I want to maintain a healthy state of mind.

Maintaining and cultivating healthy relationships requires effort.

Next time you’re tempted to “win” an argument or prove you’re right – take a deep a breath, allow your BFF, spouse or partner to be heard and then exercise lovin’ restraint. That is your opportunity to make a conscious choice to let go of your need to feel superior and instead, make someone else feel good.

Argue with no one and everyone wins. Honor your relationships with the adults in your life just like you would with that of a child. It’s a simple and effective way to express love and respect.

There’s a proverb that says, “If you’re facing in the right direction, all you have to do is keep on walking.”

In this week’s radio show, I had the opportunity to speak with a 31-year old who’s passionate about what he’s doing and is clear about his intentions. He’s written out his goals and everything.  Sounds like a winning combination to me!

Then, the call takes an unexpected turn - He asked me how I transitioned from being a performer to being a business person. I confessed about some of my difficulties, but you’ll have to listen to find out what I told him…

Do you think this 31 year old has what it takes to grow his performing arts business?

In this call from my radio show, I talk to an 18 year old who wants to make sure she’s not being treated as a doormat during dance auditions and in life.

Sometimes, it’s hard to be nice and sweet while at the same time standing up for oneself.

There’s a thin line between being nice and being perceived as a doormat.  So how do you strike a balance?

How would you answer this life-defining question? No, really! What would you tell her?

Please comment and give her (me) your suggestions.

Listen now and then offer your advice.

This is a guest post written by an 18-year old.

Recently, I have come in contact with more people than I ever imagined. I moved to a new city (The Big Apple), and also started college there.

You’re probably thinking, wow that’s a lot of people..and germs. Well, maybe not exactly that, but something like it. In meeting so many people you see similarities and differences in personality, accents, and most of all, you notice the personal choices that people make.

Almost everything you do is a personal choice, wether you are conscious of it or not.

With that in mind, the more people I meet the more common I see this personal choice being made without any thought about the ramifications:  doing something wrong and perceiving it as acceptable and normal.

Another favorite:  doing something wrong and then blaming someone else for your actions so you don’t look bad.  Sounds a little drastic, right? Wrong.

I had a minor catastrophe this weekend. My Roomate – young attractive, and living in New York City, etc., decided at some point while we were walking as a group, to turn around and go for a walk without telling us. We turned around and saw that she’d disappeared, and of course, we immediately began to think horrible thoughts about what has happened to her.

She didn’t answer any of our calls or texts – we called tons of times.  I even called my parents for advice on what to do (mind you it was early evening when this happened).

We alerted the school security at our dorms, and all of our friends. My roomate’s father is retired NYPD. He gave her a number for the  head of the precinct in our area and told us to ask if he could keep an eye out for our lost friend.

Everyone was stressing. Girls across the hall (that we don’t even really know) were putting on hats and shoes to prepare to go out look for her because they were worried even though she wasn’t their friend.  It was after midnight by that point.

Then just as we were all getting ready to walk out of the door to go look again, our roommate, that we’d declared MIA, walked into the room like nothing had happened.

She asked us why so many people were in our room so late.  She had the audacity to say that we never called, noticed or even cared that she was gone.

I hope you have a baffled look on your face.

It was midterm week and not one of  us got a chance to study because we were too busy looking for her. She wrote us a nine page “apology” of anything but apologies – it was more of a blame game than anything else.

Freeze.

Is that acceptable behavior?

Consider these next examples:  

During midterms, a student chose to bash our teacher to the test administrator, claiming that the instructor hadn’t taught us any of the material on the test and that’s why she’s going to do badly. Every other day she said he was an incredible teacher, except for test day.

Acceptable?

A man in a manual wheelchair struggled up a long ramp inside a drug store with all of his items. A woman behind him became so aggravated with how much trouble he was having, and how much time he was taking, that she sighed with annoyance, went back down the ramp and up the stairs as the man continued to struggle on the ramp.

Acceptable?

A man on a bicycle got hit by a car in the middle of an intersection. He was fine, but still lying on the ground with the bike between his legs. People were honking and yelling for him to get out of the way.

Okay, wait, what? Is this what the world has come to?

We are supposed to be growing better every day, but with the things I’m seeingm it makes me wonder if people have morals, anymore.

When did it become the better choice to be rotten, instead of  being a genuinely good person?

It doesn’t seem like that should even be a question, but in fact I think it’s more important now than ever.

I’d love to hear what you think about this.  Let me know.

During my first two years of college I ate a lot. I gained 30 pounds and wore a size 14.

I remember the miserable feeling I had, especially at the end of the day, when my extra-tight jeans left indentations on my thighs and waist. It was horrible.

I started jogging and vowed never to let my weight get out of control again.

Today food is still a big part of my life.

I usually:

• Have crackers, nuts, chips, pretzels, Twizzlers, caramel popcorn… in my pockets, glove box and car trunk.
• Leave my house on a full stomach – even when I’m going to dinner or to places where I know food will be served. Thanksgiving is no exception.
• Travel with a variety of dark chocolate candies.
• Pack my suitcase with healthy snacks like cantaloupes, grapefruits, bananas (inside tap shoes so they don’t get mashed), oranges, dates, apples, pears and granola. I even have a mean in my carry-on.

Are you wondering if I’ve experienced some childhood food trauma? I thought that at first, but I don’t think so. I just don’t like to be hungry and don’t like having to eat what’s available. I prefer to be proactive.

Today is the last day of a 15-day detox/cleanse. I watched the documentary, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and decided to give it a try. Yes, I said, ‘try.’

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go 15 days without my favorite “C” foods: cookies, cakes, candy and chocolate.

Prior to this cleanse I was in a constant state of either craving food or eating it.

I’m not overweight because I:

• Prefer to workout rather than deny myself junk food.
• Practice Bikram yoga where the room temperature is 105F degrees with 40% humidity.
• Won’t buy new, larger jeans when my old ones get too tight. I wear my tight jeans and suffer. This uncomfortable feeling reminds me to either cut back on food or exercise more.

The first few days of the cleanse I felt a lot of anxiety. It was all around the possibility of ‘being hungry’ even though I wasn’t hungry. I spent my time worrying about ‘what if’ I get hungry. I continually wanted more even though I was satisfied.

These past two weeks have helped me realize just how much of my life revolves around food. I’ve never spoken with anyone about this. Am I alone? Does anyone else spend a lot of time thinking about food and snacks? Just wondering…

I procrastinate on a lot of stuff.  Tasks that feel unpleasant, overwhelming or intimidating cause me to stop cold. I stall.

Then stalling creates stress for me. I soon realize I’m spending more time and energy avoiding the task and then I feel even worse.

The longer I procrastinate, the more stress and anxiety I create for myself. It’s a horrible cycle.

I had plans of writing a book. For two years absolutely nothing happened. It was just an idea, a thought, a dream.

It took me about two years, but I did eventually complete my first book, Rich by Choice, Poor by Habit.

Today, no matter what project I’m facing I use some of the same techniques I used several years ago to finish my book.

Here are the steps I followed to get it done:

Set a Goal. Without clearly defined goals, it’s very likely you’re performing daily acts of trivia. Read the post entitled, Don’t Just Think it, Ink It for more on goal setting.

Set a deadline. Duke Ellington said that without a deadline he would get nothing done. I can’t set a deadline for myself.  That’s a joke.  If that worked I’d get everything done that I wanted. Deadlines only work when I’m held accountable to another person.  When I’m working with or for someone else I continually remind them about my need to have a deadline. I ask them to hold me to it. I also ask them not to let me fast talk my way out of it. I’m very good at that sometimes.

If you can set a deadline for yourself and stick to it – I applaud you. I’m not that good. If I’m working on something for myself, I have to go deeper. Read on.

Get started. Jump in and don’t overthink things. This works for me because it forces me to test my level of commitment. Sometimes, I think I want to do something but I really don’t. One of the ways for me to find out is to simply jump in. If I like the project and feel excited about it, it’s likely I’ll keep it going. If not, I forgive myself and move on.

Set boundaries. My attention span is like that of a gnat: I’ve got about a good 10 to 15 minutes (on my best day) before I’m distracted or just can’t focus. I use alarms and timers to keep me in my seat. I commit to myself that “I will not get up for any reason for the next 15 minutes.” This works well for me. It creates a level of intensity and 15 uninterrupted minutes of focused activity. Sometimes, I get to 20 minutes and want to celebrate.

Obviously, working in such short increments doesn’t allow me to complete a task but at least I’m taking small steps forward. Now, do you understand why I deleted 4999 facebook friends and why I stopped watching television?

Take breaks. This is my favorite. I love taking breaks, especially if I can focus on something for 20 minutes. I’m so proud that I’ll usually eat a piece of chocolate and then get right back into what I was doing. Then I set my alarm for another 20 minutes.

Reward yourself for small accomplishments. Dark chocolate!

Do the unpleasant thing first. This doesn’t always work especially if I view the entire task as unpleasant. There’s nothing enjoyable about preparing annual taxes, the entire process is drudgery. In this instance, I’ll break it up into smaller tasks and focus on the most difficult, challenging part first. Many projects can be broken down into smaller, more manageable tasks.

Save time by finishing what you start. While writing my book I noticed that if I quit writing (just at the point of feeling overwhelmed) it would take me longer to get back into it next time. I was wasting more time and getting frustrated by trying to figure out where I left off.  It would have been a more efficient use of my time to have finished it while I was into it. Maybe just another 20 minutes.

If you can finish something, go ahead and finish it. You’ll save yourself the time of having to re-acquaint yourself with where you left off. Push past the point where you want to quit.

Keep the end in mind.  What’s the payoff? Imagine how proud you’re going to feel once the task is done. I felt a tremendous sense of relief and accomplishment when my book was finished. Completing it also raised the bar of what I learned I could achieve. It helped me to think bigger.

Positive pressure. This step, more than any other, was what really got me to finish my book. In the book,  I wrote an entire chapter on procrastination. Each chapter contains a “Laurie Story,” which is an honest and candid personal account of many of my mistakes in life. For the chapter on procrastination, the Laurie Story was about the amount of POSITIVE PRESSURE I created for myself to write the book.

Positive pressure finally worked after two years of dreaming about writing a book and not doing anything.

Here’s how positive pressure works:

I told everyone I was writing a book. When I say ‘everyone’ I mean everyone! I did this because I knew people would continue to ask me about it.

Bottom line: I knew I would not allow myself to suffer the embarrassment and shame of not doing it. Finishing the book was a lot easier than losing my credibility. I didn’t want friends and family to see me as someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.

Hire a coach. I didn’t hire a coach to write my book. However, I’ve just recently hired one to help me launch my radio show. That’s right – the coach hired a coach.

There’s something about having to dish out money that motivates me to be far more productive than I would on my own. I hired a coach because I was creating excuses faster than I was creating results. Sometimes, I’m too isolated and I need another perspective.  There’s no shame is asking for help.

We’re always going to have projects and things to do. I hope some of the tips above will be useful to you.

What strategies work for you? I’m always looking for new ideas on how to avoid procrastinating. Let me know. Thanks in advance.

“There comes a moment when you have to stop revving up the car and shove it into gear.” – David Mahoney