1. Appreciate life’s little treasures.  If you’re walking around, breathing & capable of putting two sentences together, you’re ok. Appreciate the small stuff, which is really the big stuff.

2. Purge. De-clutter and simplify everything. Being overwhelmed is debilitating. This applies to your thoughts as well as your physical environment. Clear out what you don’t need so you can make room for what you really want. Eliminate the unnecessary.

3. Take intelligent risks while managing your fears. This is a tough one, I’ll admit. But think about it: what’s ever been achieved by anyone who hasn’t had to take some risks? True self- actualization develops over time. It happens by acting in spite of your fears. My favorite quote from MLK always helps me to take yet another step: “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” 

4. Learn how to live. We all want the same things: to be loved, to live a quality life filled with joy, wealth and abundance. Your dreams don’t just unfold naturally as part of your birthright. In order to achieve anything meaningful you have to know yourself. To know yourself requires ignoring many societal pressures and listening to your inner voice. To hear that voice, you need stillness and quietness. To be quiet you have to turn off the TV, give your thumbs a rest, take your fingers off the keyboard, silence your phone and close the magazine. Being still isn’t easy, but it is necessary.

5. Take care of your body.  While growing up, adults around me always said, “If you have your health, you have everything.”  I never really considered this until I experienced my own physical challenges. Your mental, spiritual and emotional well-being emanates from your physical well-being.

6. Bask in optimism.  Appreciate what is working. Consider what is good in your life right now and let that be enough. Some days an optimistic spirit is all you’ll need.

7.  Ignore outside influences that dictate what you should be, do or say.  Letting others dictate your actions is the ultimate worst thing you can do. You either feel superior (which is of no value) or you feel defeated – depending on whom you chose to compare yourself to. If you must compare yourself to anything or anyone, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

8.  Consider the collective well-being – it’s not enough to only create happiness for yourself – it’s also important to help others create and achieve happiness for themselves.  Make it a goal to be helpful to those in need.  Then when the time comes, join in and celebrate the success of others.

9.  Practice forgiveness.  You’ve heard this one before and there’s a reason it continues to show up: it’s that important. We’ve all been hurt. To move on with your, life you must let go of the past. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It has nothing to do with those who have caused you pain.

10.  Connect with Nature… Climb a Tree.   As humans we have a natural affinity for nature. As a society we are more sedentary than ever. Many of us have alienated ourselves from nature. Studies confirm that depression, anxiety and stress can be relieved by getting outdoors. Nature relaxes us and helps us to gain clarity about our lives and ourselves.  So, go climb a tree.

11.  Spend less than you earn.  There’s nothing noble about being broke. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Before making a purchase ask yourself, “Do I need it or do I want it?” It’s nice to buy what you want, just be clear about your spending. Live within your means.

12.  Develop your character, not your personality.  “Persona” means “mask.” Many of us put on masks to develop our social roles. We put on airs to impress others and we go along to get along. Sometimes we develop a pleasing personality at the cost of our character. Personality has to do with how we present ourselves to others. Some of these behaviors are self-defeating. Character refers to deeper qualities of the mind. Qualities like ethics, courage, and integrity. Behavior is an indication of character. Character is what you do when no one is watching.

13.  Pro-actively manage your social media presence.  Someone once told me that happiness is the absence of regret. A few years from now you don’t want to regret having posted a pic that should have never been taken. Think twice. Just because everything can be broadcast and videoed doesn’t mean it needs to be. If what you’re posting doesn’t uplift or enhance your life or someone else’s life, press the delete key.

14.  Limit your interaction with toxic, negative, battery-draining, bottom-feeders.  You know who they are. They are the cynical individuals who don’t have a good thing to say about anyone or anything. It’s tough to be around them. Talk about unhappy! Nurture healthy relationships.

15.  Learn how to develop coping skills.  We all experience hurt and pain at some point in our lives. Depression, stress, anxiety, death, loss, broken hearts, divorce, loneliness, anger – Life isn’t perfect. Having realistic expectations better prepares us to cope with day-to-day life.

16.  Say, “Thank You.”  Gratitude goes a long way in this life. If you have only one breath left, use it to say, “Thank you.” Happiness begins with gratitude and gratitude begins within.

It may seem overwhelming to try to master all of these strategies at once.  Instead, think of them as a process – each strategy is just one way of helping you transition to living the rich life.  What do you want people to say about you when you make your transition? Live with your legacy in mind and let that guide your choices.

“The proper function of man is to live – not to exist.” ~ Jack London

Do you have any great strategies for living well? Does one of the above ideas work well for you? Share your thoughts in the comments section. Please and thank you.

One of the developers began by asking me questions like:

Who’s the target audience?
What’s your call to action?
What’s the goal of the website re-design?
What do people currently do when they visit the site?
What do you want visitors to do when they visit the site?

I was not prepared. I had no answers. I could feel my mood changing.

Then the other developer said something to me that I’m always saying to other people: “How about we start with the end in mind.”

I ended the call. Frustration overcame me and my mood turned blue. Very quickly, I began to feel overwhelmed and tired, like I needed to take a nap. That fatigue was my denial.

How funny – just five minutes prior to the call, I was optimistic and excited about the project.

It’s at times like this that I’m glad I have rules for how I can and cannot behave when things don’t go my way and when things go awry.

Rule 1: I give myself only 15 minutes to play the victim and wallow in self-pity.

Fifteen minutes is enough time for me to feel bad, whine, pout, cry, blow my nose, wash my face, breathe, take responsibility for everything, convince myself it’s not the end of the world, get over it and move on.

The most important part of these 15 minutes is the complete acceptance of responsibility.

By owning everything, I regain my momentum and get back on track. Telling myself it’s my fault moves me through the cynicism, denial, negativity and fault-finding, blaming and complaining stages.

Without this rule I could spend days, maybe even weeks, in a state of complete unproductivity. With practice, I’ve learned how to maintain a healthy state of mind.

Rule 2: It’s ok to ask for help.

Asking for help alleviates the feeling of being overwhelmed, frustrated, lost and confused. Getting the exact kind of help you need saves you time, energy, resources and money.

Here’s how to ask for help:

• Talk with someone you trust. Ask them to point you in the right direction.
• Set up brainstorming sessions with friends and family. Write down all ideas without judging them. This will keep the creativity flowing.
• Narrow down choices so that you don’t give people too many options. Pick your top ideas and offer them as points of discussion.
• Stay positive and upbeat.
• Don’t get frustrated if the first person you ask for help is no help at all. Say, “thank you” and move on.
• Some people need choices and alternative courses of action. They need to think through a problem and analyze the situation. Don’t get frustrated if the help they’re offering is not exactly what you had in mind. Listen well because it could be just what you need.
• Be clear about what you want. In order for you to ask the right questions you have to be focused and succinct. Explain where you’ve been, where you are currently, and where you’d like to be. Remember: start with the end in mind.

The documentary, Man on Wire, is a story that provides an exceptional example of a man who could not accomplish his goal alone. He asked for help in both the planning and execution of a goal.

Acknowledging your need for help is a sign of confidence and strength, not weakness.

Regardless of our circumstances, we all need help every once in a while. We all get overwhelmed and we all struggle. If you’re carrying more than you can handle, let some of it go by letting someone else support you. The world would be a better place with less stressed out people.

Go get it!

“Only those who ask for more can get more and only those who know there is more, ask.” ~ Alan Cohen

Here are the things I find really annoying:

1.    Men who exit and enter elevators without allowing women to move first.

2.    Young girls who date guys who curse in their presence. BTW, this is the same “man” who’s going to blow the horn when picking you up.

3.    People who, upon observing passengers in first class section of an aircraft, say things like, “Wow, First Class? Must be nice!” Small time thinking gets you nowhere.  

4.    People who play small in life like they don’t matter.

5.   People who answer their phones and say, “I can’t talk right now, I’m in a meeting.”  Just let it go to voice mail.

6.    People who answer their phones and say, “I’ll call you right back,” and never do.

7.    Individuals who interrupt my conversations without saying, “Excuse me.” Then ignore me like I’m not there while having a full discussion with the person I was just talking to.

8.    People who give themselves manicures or floss their teeth in public.

9.    Parents who change their infant’s diaper on airport terminal benches when they’re steps away from restrooms with changing tables.

10.  Individuals who don’t take responsibility for their lives, their actions, their mistakes. It’s not always someone else’s fault.

I’m sure that people are not doing these things to annoy me on purpose.  Perhaps, they don’t even realize that they’re even doing them.  I’m sharing this list in hopes of bringing greater awareness and to get people to think about the impact of these annoying actions.

“You do not wake up one morning a bad person.  It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest.”  ~ Robert Brault

When your peers are acting like fools you can show your great home-training skills by following these basic etiquette rules. They are easy to implement, but they are just as easy to ignore. The choice is yours.

The following suggestions are for the young adult who wants to create an exceptional persona while developing their brand image.

They are based on my observations from interacting with thousands of young adults from my work as a convention dance instructor and as a public speaker.

1. GET PHYSICAL. Look people in the eye when you say hello. If you’re shaking hands, offer a firm handshake. If you’re going in for a hug, make it count and embrace like you mean it. If you’re going to make it seem burdensome, why bother?

2. SPEAK UP. Mumbling gives the impression you’ve got nothing going on. It’s too much work for people to continually ask you to repeat yourself. Speak clearly.

Say hello to adults when they enter a room. Look up, smile and say, “hello.” You’ll be appreciated and remembered.

Using the word “LIKE” a dozen times in every sentence is fine when speaking with your friends, but adults tune it out. It’s right up there with slang – it’s annoying and sounds ridiculous.

3. KEEP YOUR PHONE OUT OF SIGHT. Do not answer your phone in the middle of a face-to-face conversation. It’s rude and it tells the other person they are not important. Stay present with those in your presence.

When dining, whether at home, at McDonald’s or at a 5-Star restaurant – do not place your phone on the table (even if it’s face down). Sharing a meal is supposed to be a pleasurable experience so don’t ruin it by being disrespectful. And yes I can hear it buzzing in your pocket.

Avoid using your phone while walking or (obviously) while driving.  When you try to talk on a cell phone and walk at the same time, you end up looking like a zombie because your spatial awareness is limited. It’s one thing to bump into things while you’re walking, but it’s quite another if this happens while you’re at the wheel.  Most accidents could be avoided if you just put the phone down.

Be present in your life. Engage in what’s happening around you. You don’t always need to have your phone in your hand as if you’re bored and waiting for something better to happen.

4. BE GRACIOUS, SHOW GRATITUDE. Saying, “Thank you,” are two words that go a long way towards building good will. They confirm your intelligence and show that you’re a decent, caring, sensitive human being. Make saying “thank you” a habit.

Here are three examples to get you started:

1. Every meal or item of clothing provided to you by a parent should be followed by, “thank you.”
2. Every class you take is an opportunity for you to tell the instructor, “thank you.”
3. When a dance convention teacher gives you a free pass to a convention that saves you hundreds of dollars, say, “thank you.”

Take advantage of these and every opportunity to really stand out and be remembered by sending a hand-written Thank You Note.

5. CONTROL YOUR WEB PRESENCE. Social media is easy to use and easier to abuse. A conservative portrayal of you is your best course of action. Private moments should remain that way. Every picture doesn’t need to be posted and every thought doesn’t need to be expressed.

Swearing and making inappropriate comments could ruin an opportunity for you in the future. Have fun with social media and show the positive aspects of your personality. Create positive content that presents you in a good light.

6. FOLLOW THROUGH. If you say you’re going to do something – then get it done. If an adult offers you an opportunity to achieve your dream job, follow through. Ask for help if fear is blocking your ability to follow through.  Amazing things can happen when you decide to make a bold move and face your fears.

7. BEGIN RELATIONSHIPS FORMALLY. Address adults formally using ma’am, sir, Mr. and Mrs. Do this until they grant you permission to call them by their first names. Since the majority of kids call adults by their first names without being invited to do so, this is an incredibly easy way to stand out.

8. EXCUSE YOURSELF. My biggest pet peeve is when I’m having a conversation with someone and a third person approaches. Without saying excuse me, they interrupt and begin speaking with either one of us. How rude? Simply say, “Excuse me,” before you interrupt. It’s not that deep.

Bonus:

9. SPEND LESS THAN YOU EARN. Need I say more?

I have called out a lot of young adults on these things I’ve mentioned above. I can tell from the blank look in their eyes that what I consider common courtesy is totally foreign to them. Some of these things never even occurred to them. That’s ok. However, once you learn and know better, it becomes your responsibility to do better.

The peculiar thing about these rules is this: when you abide by them, people may not exactly know why they like you, they’ll just know that you’re well-mannered and a joy to be around. When you don’t practice them, they’ll quickly notice you’re ill-mannered and obnoxious behavior and may develop a negative opinion of you that’s difficult to change.

Care enough to respect those around you and this is exactly what you’ll get in return – respect.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from my quote book Live, Love, Laugh, Dance:

“When you’ve only one breath left, use it to say thank you.” ~ Pam Brown.

What did I miss? Do you have other suggestions? Please add them below. Thanks.

This caller is struggling with time management issues and can’t seem to get anything accomplished.

Listen in to find out what advice I offer.