The Reluctant Sisterhood

Carol - Our "TurbanDiva" of the Month

2013-01-26T21:04:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since my last entry. I think the need to write arises in me out of a sense of longing for answers, and when I'm happy I don't feel so much like blogging. Fortunately, it certainly doesn't stop other means of communication for me.

I've been enjoying the delightful visual orgy that is Pinterest, and thought it would be fun to do a "Pin It to Win It" contest this month. Little did I know how this simple act of kindness would introduce me to so many wonderful women.

Carol is our first weekly winner, and as her story started to unfold, I asked her if she would mind sharing her story as the "Turban Diva of the Month" on my site. For those that are more likely to visit blogs than shopping sites, it occurred to me to share these stories here. This is Carol's marvelous story:

I’m a single mom of four, and was born and raised in Atlanta, GA. I was married twice to military men and have lived many places. My daughter was born in KS, my oldest son in GA and my 2 youngest sons in Germany. Worked at the VAMC for a year and then worked for the University of Missouri for 15 years. First at the School of Nursing. The last 10 years at the School of Law. I was put out on medical disability/retirement Sept 2012.

I still am not sure that I am in full admission that I have cancer. I think I have done everything that I have needed to do with this battle with a sense of humor. People would ask me how I could still laugh. And my response was always, if you can't laugh, then all you can do is cry and that's not fun.

I had been sick for a couple of years. I had been seeing specialist after specialist. I was told I was a menopausal aged woman and that I needed to eat less, exercise more and was even sent to see a dietician to look at my food intake.

But yet I continued to get bigger; bloating was horrible. By the time they figured out I had cancer, I was a Stage IV multi-site metastasized patient. It took them several weeks to finally decide it was Ovarian cancer. Because I also had cancer in my spleen and liver, it was not a "standard" ovarian diagnosis. But, nonetheless, there it was. Approx 10 -12 tumors in my abdomen and one mass the size of my fist.

As women, we know that sometimes doctors treat us as just another complainer. I let this go on way too long, all the while bloating up and in pain. Never again. If you feel that something is wrong and you are not getting listened to, or treated as such GO GET ANOTHER OPINION! Women are too quick to comply and we don't like to hurt feelings. "Well, my doctor might find out I saw someone else. That might upset them." GOOD!!!    I hesitate to think if I had raised a bigger stink two years ago, would this had been found much earlier and would I have become a Stage IV level or not. I will never know.

I should take a moment to mention how I found out. My liver specialist had sent me for an ultrasound on a Thursday. He called me back that afternoon and told me I had an appointment the next morning at the cancer hospital. They thought they had seen something. Now at this time, I don't know what my diagnosis is, I don't know what they have seen, I'm completely blank. But how bad could it be, right? I mean, I had been seeing these specialists for two years. I went into the room. And this resident came in and blurts out that I am Stage IV and I probably have 6 to 18 months to live.

Do not ask me anything that happened after that. I was in such a state of shock, I could not hear, I couldn't see, I couldn't think. To this day I cannot shake those words out of my head. Once it's in there, it's stuck. The one smart thing I did, and I recommend to everyone, is have someone go with them to every appointment that you are going to be talking to the doctor. Thank goodness I did, and my friend wrote down notes for me to read later. She was both my angel and my rock.

Now, I had to go home and call my kids and tell them. Words were said, questions were asked. I am blank to this day. My oldest son said recently that he doesn't remember how he felt when I told them about my cancer diagnosis. He said all he kept thinking was, “Can this be real? Why? And what was going to happen to get treatment and what if the treatment didn't work?”

But he doesn't remember what I said or how I answered his questions. And I really don't either. It was like watching a TV show and it was a surreal experience. My second youngest son said, "I felt very sad and concerned about your health. And mad that you had been seeing these doctors for so long. How did they let it get to stage IV?"

Here are the 3 things that completely broke me down: 1. The idea I was not going to be here to see my two youngest sons graduate from college. 2. That I would not be in attendance at any of my children’s weddings. 3. I would never know or see my grandchildren.   I would completely fall apart at these thoughts.

I initially started my care at a different cancer hospital and a different Oncologist. But I had been going there for a month and nothing was being done. They kept telling me that treatment would start soon. When?

I got angry. I was going to the doctor’s every week and nothing was being done.   I finally got ticked off enough to decide to look elsewhere for treatment. I found one of the best oncologists we have in this town and a center who worked to make sure you got all the help you need.

I started with my new doctor on a Friday; I was in chemo the next week. He was shocked to learn they let me just sit for a whole month. He and I have similar personalities, so within 10 minutes of meeting with him, I knew I was making a change. After only two months of chemo, all my tumors had shown signs of reduction.

I was put in touch with our local American Cancer Society chapter. If you have them available, I urge you to contact them. They can give you info on websites, and support groups. This is where I found out about Turban Diva’s website. A lot of them offer a class called "Look Good, Feel Better". It's a group of volunteers who work with women and they do neat make up ideas, and bring in turbans and scarves and show you different ways to use them.

I was able to get one free wig from the ACS. I thought, "I've been a redhead maybe when my hair falls out, I would try being a blonde." Why not! Well, I tried on some blonde wigs and realized I was a redhead for a reason!

One thing I would like to express, even if you don't attend a class or you're not the make up wearer, please start a strict moisturizing program. It doesn't have to be expensive products just get into the habit. Chemo is going to be rough on your skin too.

I was doing chemo every week for six months. But, if you must do it, then why not have some fun with it. Your hair is going. There's no way to stop it. I went down to get my hair cut off before it started to fall out, but the stylist just cut it very short and it took about two months before it fell out. Once it begins to fall out, it seems to happen rather rapidly. It is most annoying to have hair falling into your food all the time; taking a shower, and losing large clumps all over the place.

I tried to make light of being bald. I would post on my FB wall things like, advantages of no hair: 1. You save a lot of money on hair products 2. Getting ready is quick. Grab your turban off of your stand, throw it on and roll. 3. Some people have bad hair days, chemo patients have no hair days. 4. Let the wind blow. It’s not going to mess up your turban!

But never forget, it's okay to cry. I would get in the shower and cry. It was something I got used to doing as a single parent. I’d think I can’t show the kids how scared you are, but if you cry in the shower, no one can hear you and if your eyes are all red, it was the soap.

I'm sure your doctor or nurse will tell you that you don't just lose the hair on your head. I enjoyed the side effect of not having to shave my legs for about four months. That was a positive. I was, however, not prepared for my reaction when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. It had taken such a long time, I thought I was past the point it would happen.   I was four months into treatment. That was harder for me to deal with than all of my other hair. I had gotten an eyebrow pencil and was filling in my eyebrows. After my eyelashes fell out, I started drawing a thicker line of eyeliner. I could not use false eyelashes while in treatment.

But, you see, I consider myself a clothes horse. When it came time to decide to wear the turbans, I looked at it as a way of expanding my looks. Coordinating your turban or your scarf or hat with your look can become fun. You want to make sure you have what I call the basic three. One for when you are very cold, one for when you are sweating the chemo and one just for you for looks. (Actually, TurbanDiva.com has so many pretty sets that you will want more than one!)

When I started chemo, I began a Cancer Sucks page on my FB. Some people like to journal, but mine was more a photo view of what cancer, chemo and surgery was doing to me physically. Don't discount your access to social media.   My friends who live so far away have been so supportive. They felt like they were involved in my travels down this journey. Their prayers and continuing uplifting support have gotten me through some rough times.

It has been a year since I was diagnosed. I have spent many hours in the chemo room. I have had major surgery that kept me away for a month and completely opened up my abdomen from top to bottom. And even though there was some hope I may get a break, I had to restart chemo again January 2, 2013. Can't say it was my best New Year’s event, but I know I am looking at things differently now. While I am hoping that I might get a break after this round, I am trying to make plans to do some traveling.

As my new doctor says, only God decides when we are ready to go. But when you are put in the situation that you know your life has been shortened, you re-prioritize. Nothing about this experience is fun. Nothing about what it does to your body is pleasing. At times, with all it does to you, you can feel less than the woman you were. I would look at my bald head in the mirror and wonder if I was ever going to see the woman I was before my diagnosis. It's very hard sometimes.

But the one thing you can control is your attitude about it. I used to call my chemo days my favorite day of the week. I was going to get cool meds that make you either sleepy or goofy. I felt that the chemo was doing the battle and I was there to fight. Plus, it was the one day a week that I could eat without getting nauseated. And the nurses in the chemo room are great. I laugh and joke around with them all the time. Sometimes they bring me pastries!

My prayers go with any and everyone who has to deal with this most horrendous ordeal called cancer. It doesn't see age, race, sex, rich or poor. But you do your battle. Fight as long as you can. There will be some good days in between the bad. Don't miss those.

My motto:
This is how a Southern girl kicks cancer’s butt: Get dressed, put on your makeup, throw on that turban, put on your kick butt boots (styling ones, of course) and go and fight the good fight!! But first, girl, go get that manicure!

My favorite Quote: Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly!
Butterflies and the color purple have become my symbol for strength. When I was admitted to the hospital in November for my surgery, the first thing I saw was a beautiful photo of a white butterfly sitting on a purple flower. And I remember, even though very heavily sedated that whole week, it made me smile.

Christmas 2011 - Birth of a New American Christmas Tradition

2011-11-08T17:08:00.000-08:00

This has been circulating emails, and I have no idea where it originated, but I think it's a great idea for boosting our economy this holiday season!

As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods - merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?

EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plunking down the Benjamins on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants - all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains - this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theater.

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list - post it to discussion groups - throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city - send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations,
and TV news departments.

This is a revolution of caring about each other,

and isn't that what Christmas is about?

Cancer Survivor - for Today

2011-11-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

As we sweep away the final remnants of pink that have come to symbolize October, I realize that I am 3 years past my chemo treatment that started October 16, 2008. I'm still here - that makes me a "survivor" - but what does that mean?

I don’t know why some of us survive and others do not, no matter how fiercely they may fight. There are those that face devastating battles, which leaves me feeling I am in no position to complain. My case was merely a case of sniffles in comparison.

To be a cancer survivor means I have been blessed with another day. It doesn’t mean I’m safer than anyone else. It doesn’t mean the risk is over. It doesn’t mean another cancer can’t attack at any moment.

I am angry that I “did everything right” and got cancer anyways, but that doesn’t minimize my appreciation of the endless miracles in my life.

Being a survivor does mean I have a greater respect for life. I was given a second chance, and I am grateful for that with every breath. And I educate – even nag – others to trust their body, recognize when something is not quite right, don’t delay testing and get screened regularly because we don’t really know who is at risk or why.

There is a lovely line from a short prayer that asks, “May the stream of my life flow into the river of eternal love.” I don't remember where I first found it, but it touched me so deeply that it forever surpassed the multitude of prayers I was forced to memorize in school.

It reminds me that moments of our life are like the infinite droplets in a stream, mostly unnoticed as they rush toward the river of experience that is our life. But every now and then we are splashed with a moment that becomes an indelible memory, part of the story that ultimately defines us.

When cancer flooded my life, it was not without significant splashing moments.

The moment in 2005 when I found “a lump.” The tiny, hard kind you read about in all the “how to do a breast self exam” flyers.

The kind you hope you’ll never find.

The moment when realized I was not separate from the women around me, uniformed in our blue exam gowns as we sat in the radiology waiting room, trying to pretend it was just a routine office visit. United by the fear that our bodies may have turned against us, we waited.

I wondered which of us would remember that day as “The Day I Found Out…”

The moment when my tests came back clear – when they said it was simply scar tissue.

I felt released, relieved and invincible.

And three years later, after a routine mammogram, when the nurse brought me to a consult room, where I waited in the eerie glow of light boxes and diagnostic equipment.

The doctor entered with a warm smile, sleek black hair, and looked much too young to be giving me advice. He said it still looked like scar tissue, but had changed a little and I might want to consider a biopsy.

I was afraid a needle biopsy would hurt and I wanted to stop worrying about the lump. Put me to sleep, take out the whole damn thing. Let’s be done with it.

I remember a groggy post-op grin to my smiling surgeon who said everything went great, see you in 2 weeks. At the follow up appointment I actually asked him to cut to the chase because I was late for work. Exam, smiles, it was healing beautifully. Yeah, yeah, let me out of here.

No one suspected cancer, none of the tests hinted at malignancy. I had no family history of breast cancer. My family’s life expectancy is 100. I had a healthy lifestyle and a positive attitude.

No cancer for me. Can I go now?

He looked down at my file. “Well, it’s cancer.”

The stream of my life roared over me like a tsunami. He patiently delivered his speech on the early diagnosis, favorable prognosis and treatment options.

All that tumbled around my mind was, “blah blah blah it’s cancer am I going to die? Will I lose my hair? Who will see my patients? How will I pay my overhead?"

I remember the look on my husband’s face that night when I told him, his silence through my chattering about the "early diagnosis and good prognosis."

I had to keep talking to break through that “blah blah blah it’s cancer are you going to die?" I wanted to protect him and everyone I loved from any pain or fear.

To hear the words, “It’s breast cancer” (or any other life-threatening diagnosis) transforms your life. Until that moment, there is no way to even guess how you would respond.

You only know will have no choice but to pack for your journey into the unknown, armed with love and support. And be confident that your guides will appear with the answers whenever you have a need.

Life through breast cancer was surreal. Every day presented a new challenge as my body shed one thing or another or erupted with an unexpected symptom.

Yet I’d look up and appreciate the sky, with gratitude for the day. I’d more deeply love the people around me. It was painfully clear that I darn well better, because none of us know how long we have to enjoy this life.

I discovered solace in my garden, and metaphorical wisdom in killing off the weeds and replanting new life. I found hope in watching the cycle of death and renewal.

The health field is my life work, and I thought my vision was expansive. Breast cancer was a humbling event; I realized how little I knew, even about my own body.

Cancer was a floodlight that illuminated a depth of knowledge, compassion and empathy that would never have been so amplified had I not been faced with this detour in my life.

I've often been told not to get too stuck in my head with all the intellectual stuff – and to deepen the connection between my heart and intuition.

There was probably a simpler way to work that out besides getting cancer, but here I am. I feel blessed that I was guided to remarkable teams of doctors and nurses. And the angels in human and other forms that inspired me to find solutions along the way.

Cancer taught me that I am vulnerable, mortal, and no one is invincible. If I had the choice of never having had cancer or having it, I would accept it, although I truly hope my lesson was learned and I don’t have to repeat it.

The benefit I could never have foreseen is that cancer connected me as lifetime member of what I call the Reluctant Sisterhood. Absorbed into a network of survivors that inspired me to believe this could bring me greater strength, we pool our hard earned wisdom to share with those who will unfortunately but inevitably follow.

We probably would not have chosen this path. Yet we are eagerly drawn into this collective conscious and unconscious network of healing. This is not limited to breast cancer, nor to women; anyone with a need to heal is embraced into the circle of those who have traveled it ahead of you.

This journey has been remarkable, and even the pain and nausea and frustration pulsated with the adventure of life itself that makes me more grateful for every day.

I have an extraordinary husband and family. I learned over and over how incredible my friends are, and every day was like falling in love all over again.

They will be there with unfaltering support through any perilous journey, surrounding me with the love, prayers, sparkly vibes, decorated heads, cards, emails, and most of all the laughter and heartfelt warmth that makes it so easy for me to keep a positive attitude.

I feel gratitude every moment for how they enriched my life beyond my imagination.

I used to believe, "Everything happens for a reason." Then I got cancer, and entered a family of thousands of cancer patients of all ages. And I can find no reason for all this suffering.

Now I believe stuff happens for no reason. But what I do believe is that what we do with that "stuff" defines who we are. I believe we are incredibly loving beings, with instincts not only to preserve our own survival, but to ease the suffering of others.

Whether you knit a cap, send a card, call, tweet or discover a cure, your role in another’s healing is equally important. Our strengths arise from our ability to sense the needs of others and our resiliency in the face of adversity to find solutions that will ease their pain.

I’d like to share the rest of that short prayer, or maybe it’s a poem or a wish.

God made the rivers to flow.

They feel no weariness, they cease not from flowing;
they move as swiftly as the birds in the air.

May the stream of my life flow into the river of eternal love.

Loosen the bonds of sin that bind me.

Let not my work be ended before its fulfillment.

and let not the thread of my song be cut while I sing.

Rig Veda

Head Wraps and Turbans to Flatter Your Face Shape

2011-06-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

A fashion solution for a bad hair day or hair loss are colorful head wraps, turbans and layered scarves, which can be worn indoors or out, from casual to formal looks.

If you think you don’t look good in the latest head wraps or turbans, maybe you haven’t found the right style for your face shape. Just like choosing a hairstyle, your goal is to accentuate the positive and balance the shape of your face.

Remember this is an accessory - part of an outfit. A little planning can turn a plain outfit into a fashion statement!

What is Your Face Shape?

A quick trick is to stand in front of a mirror, smooth your hair away from your face and draw an outline of your reflection on the mirror with a soft eyeliner pencil or old lipstick.

1. Notice the overall length and width of your face.
2. Compare the width of your face in three places:

Across your forehead just above your eyebrows
Across the top of your cheekbones
Across your jaw line and chin

An oval face is about 1-1/2 times longer than it is wide and the most balanced shape. Whether or not you have hair loss, you can wear just about any style of head covering.

If the length and width of your face are fairly equal, you have a round face and will want to embellish the flat outline of the basic turban or head wrap. Add height by layering with a twisted band or scarf. You can further soften lines with a bow, half bow or silk flower on one side just above your ear.

A square face is about the same width across the forehead and the jaw line. Add height with a twisted band as described above. To soften your jaw line, tie the band just behind your ear, with full ends flowing in front of your collarbone. Or tie a large bow above or behind your ear.

A heart-shaped face is widest across the forehead and/or cheekbones, with a small, narrow jaw line or chin. The edge of the wrap can be a little lower on your forehead, with the knot behind your ear and the tie ends hanging long in front or back.

For you, scarf ends that are square or rounded will look better than pointed ones, which can exaggerate a pronounced chin. A full bow towards the top of your head will accentuate your eyes.

For all face shapes, first bring the edges of the piece around your natural hair line to cover the tops of your ears, and play with twisting, wrapping and tying the end in knots, bows or half bows (only one loop).

If the turban completely covers or replaces your hair, you can balance the look even more with earrings that are larger than you may normally wear.

With the increasing number of women every year that undergo chemotherapy, almost everyone has someone close that has to deal with the side effect of complete hair loss, known as alopecia. As our population ages, many women experience thinning hair from thyroid problems and other medical conditions. In normal circumstances, simply having a bad hair day is aggravating, but hair loss compounds the devastating effects of greater health challenges.

It is not shallow vanity to want to improve our appearance. As visual creatures, we instinctively want to decorate ourselves to relate to others and display our need for connection. Even through illness, you will be more encouraged be around people if you know your unique beauty still reflects from the inside out. Being around those who love and support you is one of the best natural medicines you can find.

Experiment with tying the knot on one side and then the other, with tail ends hanging down. Spread the fabric of the bow for maximum fullness, and position it in different areas around your head. What is your best look?

The Healing Wardrobe - 5 Tips for Using Color to Lift Your Spirit

2011-06-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

For better or worse, color has a significant impact on our emotions. It may not surprise you to know the way each of us perceives color is unique. Bright colors that lift one person´s mood can be overwhelming or garish to someone else. Pastels that aim to soothe the spirit may be too dreary for a bubbly personality.

The colors you wear not only affect your mood, but also communicate something about your personality. The effect of color in our lives can be mystical, psychological and even functional.

During meditation, feelings of well being are enhanced with visualization of color that has specific meaning to the person. Deep breathing exercises that use a sense of color being directed at different areas of the body can help patients cope and better manage the stress and fear related to their illness.

The influence of color had never been so obvious to me until I was faced with hair loss during chemo. With a bald head, I looked - and felt - absolutely drained unless I wore flattering colors.

With the other side effects of chemo, the stress of a chronic illness or alopecia, we need all the cheering up we can get. Our hair is such a significant part of our self image that sudden, complete hair loss often has a deep impact on our identity and confidence.

Each year, thousands of women have chemo hair loss or alopecia from other medical treatments. And at some point in their lives, another 4.5 million people in the US will be affected with baldness from other causes.

But we can face this change by using our favorite colors to our advantage.

Before you choose a cancer hat, tie a head wrap scarf or turban, here are 5 tips for selecting your best colors:

1. Grab a pad & pen. Go through your closet and write the top 3 colors that look best on you. If you´re not sure, hold it near your face in front of the mirror.

2. Add to the list one or two colors that get you compliments when you wear them.

3. List 1 color you purposely avoid wearing (you may or may own that color).

4. Write down one emotion you connect with each color, whether positive or negative. For example: red (exciting, irritating or?); blue (healing or boring?); black (sophisticated or gloomy?).

5. If you don´t own at least 3 colors that make you feel good, fill in your list with the colors you need to add to your wardrobe - and the positive feeling each one gives you.

By consciously making this list, not only will you be drawn to your healing colors, but you will "anchor" that good feeling. Every time you wear these colors, it will reinforce the memory of the positive emotion.

You don´t have to buy a new wardrobe. An accessory worn near your face, such as earrings, or a colorful necklace, can change the whole mood of your appearance.

Is that gray sweater depressing? It can be a beautiful background for a head wrap of fuchsia, purple,turquoise, elegant black, crisp white or an animal print.

For those that unfortunate folks that are stuck with having to deal with their hair every day, dyeing it to match each outfit is not a sensible option. But without hair, you can look elegant with a scarf, turban, head wrap or hat that is a proud statement of your colorful spirit.

Saturday Is the Big Day!

2011-05-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry I missed my Friday check-in, but I was just too busy ... exercising! Yes, I'm still at it and have not missed a day of exercise since 4/7. There were a couple of nights when it was a little tricky, but I felt your eyes in the sky, so to speak, scowling away any excuses.

The Sacramento Komen Race is this Saturday morning, May 7 at Cal Expo. If you have pledged $1/day toward my exercise promise, I assure you with confidence that I won't flake out in these final few days. If $30 is too much, remember that every little bit is appreciated, even $1. I have over 1000 contacts, so if everyone donates $1 it will set me far over my goal.

To make a donation online please click here: Laurie's Komen Page.

If you prefer to donate directly to a local breast cancer support center, please do.

Our Team is from Save-ourselves.org, which has been providing information, support groups and a hotline to the Sacramento area for almost 20 years. You can make a direct donation by clicking on that link.

Not only will you be supporting a fabulous cause, but you have motivate me to exercise, a habit I know reduces my risk for breast cancer.

Once was enough. And if you don't exercise, I encourage you to give it a try. Really, it's not so bad once you make a commitment. Another motivator for me:

“Failure to exercise a minimum of 3 times per week for at least 30 minutes each time
is the equivalent of smoking one pack of cigarettes each day.
...exercise is no longer just good for you, it is bad for you if you don’t exercise.”
Surgeon General, July 11, 1996.

The rebounder has become a permanent fixture in our living room. Dave has become deaf to the eeeeeee-eeee eeeeeee-eeee of the springs as I jog & jump. Yesterday was so busy that I didn't know where I would find the time, but from 9:30 - 10 pm I exchanged my couch time for bouncing along to a Conan rerun.

Congrats to those of you who have been inspired to get on your own exercise program.
What are YOU doing? What motivates you?

So, are you in?? If so, comment here or email me.

To make a donation or join our Team click here: Laurie's Komen Page.

You have my continued gratitude for your emails, checks, online donations, and most of all the collective spirit of your support.
Thank you!
Love, Laurie

Getting Stronger Every Day

2011-04-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

I would never have believed I could be so faithful about exercise. I haven't missed a day since April 7, no matter how late I get home.

The difference/s this time:

You're watching me
The first 2 weeks I felt guilty if I didn't
The past week I feel like something is missing if I don't

The more surprising thing is how quickly my body is responding - triceps no longer flap enough to send me into flight when I brush my teeth. I actually feel muscles in my legs function when I walk. I feel reconnected with my body instead of just lugging it around.

Happy Easter, my friends (or whatever aspect of springtime you may celebrate).

Thank you so much for helping me make this change in my life while your contribution reaches women around the world.
If and when you can donate: Laurie's Komen Page
Love, Laurie

Motivation Works. Is It Guilt?

2011-04-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

This is amazing; I haven't exercised this faithfully since I was an aspiring disco queen 30+ years ago. The Rebounder has become a permanent fixture in our living room and eliminated all my usual lame excuses for not exercising - time, weather and/or not in the mood to gear up to go out.

This episode began on 4/7/11 when I requested that my friends pledge $1 for each day I exercise between then and the May 7 Komen Race for the Cure. I received so many responses and donations in good faith that I feel like a twerp if I don't exercise every day. Even the night I didn't get home till 9, I felt too guilty to accept my own excuses!! I know you're watching me.

The first 7 days I bounced along with Seinfeld reruns while doing continuous arm exercises with 1 pound weights. Doesn't sound like much, but for a couch Pringle they felt like 10 pounds by the end of the 30 minutes.

Yesterday I received the 1/2011 issue of Self magazine from my friend Lorie who had been my personal trainer ... yikes, 25 years ago. A big heart post-it marked the Jillian Michaels 30 day JumpStart Plan, most notably the 6 buffing yoga poses. Hold each one 30 seconds, repeat the series 5 times (per session, not per month), 2-3 times a week. Piece of cake, how hard can that be?

AAAAUUUUGGHH! At the end of the second round, I crawled to the Rebounder for a reprieve. Today I am acutely aware of muscles that have been hibernating for far too many years.

If you'd like to pledge $1/day you can email me and I'll keep you updated. Or if you'd like to donate right away, any amount and every little bit helps, you can donate online. Click here: Laurie's Komen Page

Some folks have preferred to donate directly to a local resource center, and they need all the help they can get, too. My Team is organized by Save Ourselves of Sacramento; if you would like to find out more and/or donate to them instead, click here: Save-Ourselves.org

Thank you everyone for your support!!

Love, Laurie

But when women are moved and lend help, when women, who are by nature calm and controlled, give encouragement and applause, when virtuous and knowledgeable women grace the endeavor with their sweet love, then it is invincible.
Jose Marti, 1853-1895

Help Me Move My Lazy Butt!!!

2011-04-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I still procrastinate with exercise. There's always something SO much more important to do. I NEED HELP. Will you be my Support Group????

After doing the hot line training last weekend with Save Ourselves Breast Cancer Resource Group, I joined their Team for the Komen Race for the Cure on May 7. My goal is to raise $225 over the next month.

BUT WAIT!! Here's the plan. I'm asking my Support Group members to pledge something for each day I get my lazy self up & walking (or rebounding) for at least 30 minutes. The Race is May 7, so if you pledge $1 for each day I exercise, the most you would possibly donate is $30. Based on my record of dedication to exercise, it would more likely end up being $2, but I want to stay positive about this.

These are tough economic times, and every little bit helps. Pledge 50 cents a day, it's OK.

I'll report in every Friday, and hopefully embarrass myself into a month of exercise.

You can donate weekly or wait till the end for a final amount. This is my home page to make a donation or join our Team. Laurie's Komen Page.

You can join the Team, even if you are not able to be there the day of the race.
So, are you in?? If so, comment below or email me. Thanks!

Love you!
Laurie

The Oncology Oracle Speaks

2010-08-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

I was so fortunate that my oncologist had an opening first thing Monday morning. The waiting is the worst of any of these processes. The data and opinions I’ve been accumulating over the past month gave me valuable perspectives I would not have otherwise considered. It’s important to follow your gut, but equally important to know that the gut and brain are closely connected. The more relevant information I have, the more reliable my gut will be.

Here’s some of what we covered, and other tidbits I’ve collected:

What lowers my risk factors:

I did not test positive for BRCA genes
Keep my vitamin D levels in a high zone (50-60)
I finally got my lazy butt up and participate in a regular exercise program. VERY important, by the way.
No family history of breast cancer. Although the majority those diagnosed have no family history.
Normal weight (took off 20 lbs post-chemo)
Minimal alcohol intake. Maybe 1-2 glasses of wine a week. For the most part, it just doesn’t taste as good any more.

What increases my risk:

I have breasts.
I’m female
Increasing age – as of next week I’ll be over 60
A personal history of breast cancer
Radiation exposure – damned if you do, damned if you don’t
Beginning your period before age 12 (I was 11)
Beginning menopause after age 55 (I was 58)
Postmenopausal hormone therapy: 3 months of bio-identical, but messing with nature nonetheless

What could reduce my risk:

Keep exercising.
Move to another planet
Arimidex and similar aromatase inhibitors – these are out of the question for me; the pain was debilitating.
Tamoxifen: I’ll be doing a lab test to determine if tamoxifen will be effective for me.

Here’s the thing when they say these drugs “reduce your risk by [60%, 70%, etc.]. That is the percent of the percent of your risk. So if you have a 2% risk of getting breast cancer, taking a drug that reduces that risk = 60% x 2% = your risk is now 1.2%.

On the other hand, there is a significant increase in the percentage of women taking Tamoxifen that develop uterine cancer. In this 2008 study, it increased the risk 3:1 compared to women not taking Tamoxifen. Is that a risk I want to take?

And let us not forget – no test is perfect; there are always exceptions. Science and medicine are learning processes based on likely outcomes and we are the long term test subjects. For the first 3 years after I found the lump, no one thought it was even enough concern for a biopsy, based on the mammograms, ultrasounds and thermogram. Much has changed since then, but my first pathology test diagnosed the wrong type of cancer. This is not unusual. Prone to Error: Earliest Steps to Find Cancer

(Thanks to Join Our Loop for that link – stop by & visit this dedicated group.)

The bottom line we agreed upon is that I am not the best candidate for a prophylactic mastectomy AND there are no guarantees.

My insurance does not cover Dr. Hackert, but it does cover the hospital etc., so back to the drawing board and financial planning department.

What is your experience with Arimidex and/or Tamoxifen? Your thoughts on using these?
Have you been through mastectomy, reconstruction or reduction? What is your opinion?

Whattaya MEAN... it's not over YET??

2010-07-25T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha... I thought I made a smooth transition into the my-life-after-cancer mode, but apparently the interim between cancer and cancer-free is filled with surprises. I graduated to a six month oncology visit schedule, and a one year MRI/mammo routine. Lest I get too comfortable... 2 weeks before the scheduled M/M, I was drying my hair when I noticed a lump under my LEFT arm.

What the hell is THAT? It was Friday, and the radiology oncologist was out of town for a long weekend. The nurse suggested I call the oncology surgeon, who gave me an appointment for early Tuesday morning, deducting a day or two of stress over what kind of growth was taking over the other side of my body.

"What the heck is THAT???" ... she mused when I lifted my arm. I guess that's a more favorable response than, "Uh oh...." She glommed my armpit with goo and did a thorough ultrasound exam. Although the lymph node was swollen, it definitely didn't look like cancer. But she wanted to make sure the upcoming mammogram and MRI took a closer look.

I'll spare the details of those exams, but had I not been there, I would have never believed it was possible to pull an armpit into a mammogram. The second ultrasound confirmed the lymph node was normal, but it would be a few days before I learned the results of the mammogram and MRI. During the wait, I was pissed that we are so vulnerable to this beast, a little fearful, and a little confident that no matter what the outcome I could anticipate what treatment would be like. Denial crept in, I'm sure. The next day the oncologist's office called to say the report came back negative. I received a letter from the radiologist to confirm that all was well.

A day later, I received a second letter from the radiologist saying I had evidence of a cyst that should be biopsied. The oncologist had not yet received that news, and that's when the confusion started. The next day I received a third letter, congratulating me because my test showed no signs of cancer! OK. WTF.

Apparently each separate test generated its own letter. The mammo & ultrasound were clear, but the MRI found a smoodge in the left breast. It was not a clear enough image for a surgical biopsy (just put me to SLEEP!!), so Dr. G ordered an MRI-guided needle biopsy. UGH! I've heard horror stories about these, and the idea of a needle in my boob just freaks me out. I was dreading it.

It was no big deal, really. I didn't feel a thing; they must have used a pediatric needle for numbing. The only weird part was that it sounded like she was using a dental drill to take the tissue samples. The area was black & blue & lumpy for a couple of weeks, and a little tender for only a few days. The results were in the next day - it was benign. Ha. I should have known better than to get too comfortable.

In celebration of the clean report, I made an appointment with a plastic surgeon (Dr. S) to talk about some cosmetic reshaping of the breasts to balance out the aftermath of all these surgeries and radiation, which has left me a bit lopsided. I'm starting to limp from the extra weight on the left. I didn't feel the need to go to the oncology plastic surgeon, and a local plastic surgeon with a long history of reconstructive procedures was recommended by friends.

The day after my 2-year cancer-versary, I was sitting in his office for a consult. I didn't expect his response, which started this roller coaster ride which I hope is starting to settle.

After telling him my history & recent events, he said he wouldn't touch my case cosmetically, and I had anyone ever talked to me about considering a double mastectomy? (He wasn't that blunt about it; that's the short version of an inspiring conversation. I have a high level of confidence in him.) He listed a few things in my history that really concerned him; they had been things that concerned me, but I was told it was OK. I think his validation of these is what gives me a sense of relief that I'm not completely paranoid.

He referred me to another surgeon for a second opinion about a mastectomy, so I made an appt. for their soonest, 7/6. What did I feel? hmmmm... a little fear that it will hurt, it will look gross for a while. An odd sense of relief that someone is leaving no stone unturned. I talked to Dave during his lunch break that day, and we are both OK with doing whatever needs to be done after the consult. But it sure looks weird to see that "double mastectomy" phrase in one of my posts.

Back in the routine... calling all the docs to transfer records, making decisions, getting everything poked and prodded. He also suggested I get that colonoscopy I've never had, and even an ultrasound on my ovaries just in case... it's good advice. What concerns me is those who still think they ARE safe, invincible, and don't get anything checked till it's too late. I guess it's time to resurrect this blog of the Reluctant Sisterhood, those of us intimately connected by this indiscriminate invader, doing our best to carry each other through to safer grounds.

A really eerie thing happened as soon as I turned on the computer that day - I received a long note (addressed to many of her friends) from a lady I met through my.crazysexylife.com, a network for cancer ... (what, Cancer-ese, cancer people? what???). She had widespread breast cancer, double reconstruct, lymphedema, and now...

Her note was about how although she's finally had a clean bill of health, does the fear ever go away? It was so timely. I wrote back and gave her the brief recap of what just happened. A minute later she called me, and said every cell of her being was vibrating with the message that I need to do this. Like a guardian angel swooping in unexpectedly to give me some perspective, we talked for about 1/2 hour about her experience, that of other friends that have gone through it.

The next day another angel swooped in - she called for a nutrition consult because we are both post-BC, and we just clicked. She invited me to a BC support group near my office, and these ladies have been an incredible resource of information on surgical options and the best folks for the job. Almost everyone there has been to the same team as I have, with high praises.

Dave & I went to see the surgeon Dr. S recommended for a consult on 7/6, and long story short, he gave what we felt was an objective overview of the pros and cons of mastectomy and reconstruction vs reduction. One subtle theme that I picked up is that there are PS (plastic surgeons) that prefer a cosmetic-based practice (and consequently a cash practice) and others that prefer an oncology/reconstruction based practice (despite the burden of insurance companies). This is not good or bad; every medical practice, including chiros, face decisions about cash vs. insurance.

Which leads me to wonder... Did the PS that referred me there have hesitation about taking my case because he is moving towards a cosmetic-based practice, and does not stay connected with the oncology network he worked with in the past? Would Dr. Hackert, who primarily does oncology-based surgery, have a different point of view? She is the PS we went to see initially (2008) when I didn't know where any of this was going.

Fortunately I'm not in a rush to do anything, so I have time to interview. I met with Dr. Hackert this past week, and went over the details of her doing a reduction. In the event that a mastectomy is the final decision, there is a process called DIEP that uses tummy fat instead of implants to create a new breast. Most women who are familiar with this process have referred me to a doctor in SF, and that is the same doctor that Dr. Hackert recommends.

According to Dr. Hackert, the person who will have the most informed view on my risk of recurrence is the oncologist (chemo doc). So that is my next stop. There is so much to weigh out in making this decision. I won't beat this dead horse, but... I didn't have any risk factors to begin with.

Whatever I need to do, I'm not freaking out about anything. 2 years ago I probably would have, but I've seen & done enough to know about successful surgeries (and you know who you are!) & am thriving wonderfully, so it's just another blip on the radar. At the time I had a feeling I was a candidate for prophylactic mastectomy, now I see where I can glean more information. I am so fortunate that the right people appear when I need them. Since there's no immediate emergency I will wait till at least November-ish before doing anything.

What do YOU think about all this??? What wisdom can you share from your experience?

Sunset Fiesta Turban, Head Scarf or Chemo Hat

2010-06-01T10:06:00.000-07:00

These colors are delicious - vibrant orange and soft yellow sweep together like a summer sunset in a light, sheer chiffon. Embroidered with jewel tones of deep blue and teal, this will look stunning with summer outfits - from crisp whites to jeans or a bathing suit. You can shop and see and other styling ideas at Titillating Turbans.

Last year at the LA Textile Show we took some time to browse through the fabric district outside. Seems 13 floors of fabric just wasn't enough for me. I saw this fabric from across the street and bought the whole bolt. Sadly, it is one-of-a-kind and I can't get any more, so if you like it grab it now!

It ties beautifully into a bow, you can wrap the ends around the band to create a turban look - for Sex and the City fans - or wear the band alone as a light scarf, headband or sash belt.

In between working like a crazed elf, I'm wandering more deeply into the wonderful world of textiles. This month I'll be taking classes to update my skills in silk painting and then learning to texturize it with other fibers. A long, labor intensive process, but the possibilities are endless. I am so curious to see how it eventually ends up on my head.

I hope you are enjoying this fabulous weather! Our garden has loved the alternating rain & warm weather, and we have more blooms and figs than ever.

What are you doing this season to dust off the cobwebs (whether your house or your brain)?

Turban in Hibiscus Print, Summer Head Scarf Sets

2010-05-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

Whether you need a chemo hat for hair loss, an easy to tie head scarf, a turban for after exercise or yoga wear, the collection at Titillating Turbans is always expanding.

You'll feel like you are strolling a Hawaiian beach in this festive pattern of hibiscus flowers on a background of turquoise and purple.

Visit here to see over 50 colors and fabrics for every occasion. Whether for yourself or a gift, this accessory will be enjoyed for many years to come.

Every 2-piece set of hat and scarf ties into more than a dozen different styles.

www.TitillatingTurbans.com

Arimidex - the Gift That Keeps on Giving

2010-05-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 months since stopped taking Arimidex, and there are a few symptoms that linger. I haven't quite put together what aggravates the pain it left in various joints of my arm/hand, elbow and shoulder, but they come and go at what seems to be a random pattern.

So tell me, if you have stopped taking Arimidex -

Did you take it for the full 5 years, or have to stop early?
If you stopped before 5 years, how long did you take it?
Is there anyone out there that had NO side effects with Arimidex?
How long since you stopped taking it?
Are you still experiencing side effects?
Have the side effects become less intense since you stopped? If so, how long did that take?
Are you taking a different drug, and if so, what?
If you are not taking a different drug, are you using a natural remedy?
Did you report your reaction to Arimidex to the FDA?

I'd love to hear from you! Please post your comments below. I monitor them before they go "live" so if you prefer to keep them private, just let me know. Thanks!

Chow Down for the Cure?

2010-04-13T08:14:00.000-07:00

Monday, April 12:
KFC introduces the breadless sandwich, “Double Down” two slabs of fried chicken and melted cheese, two pieces of bacon. Based on the Original Recipe, diners can gobble down 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium.

Tuesday, April 13: Alicia @stales posts a Tweet and starts a discussion on WEGOhealth about the oxymoronic KFC/Komen partnership for “Buckets for the Cure,” and it becomes apparent that we are not the only ones fired up about this.

This promotion is a poor choice of partnering for a cause, and I agree with everything in Alicia’s excellent post. Among other things, Alicia suggests KFC make donations based on healthier meal choices purchased, and distribution of educational material during the campaign.

Click on the Komen "Breast Cancer information" link on the Buckets site, and they meekly suggest, "Maintain a healthy weight." But on the Komen site, they have a lot more to say about "Body Weight and Weight Gain:"

In two large studies, women were at increased risk of postmenopausal breast cancer if they had gained 20 or more pounds after age 18.

Losing weight after menopause may help lower risk of breast cancer. One large study found that women who lost four to 11 pounds after menopause had more than a 20 percent lower risk of breast cancer compared to women whose weight did not change.

As a health educator, this kind of mixed message for the sake of profit makes me want to scream. An extra 100 calories a day over what you need adds an extra 10 pounds a year.

Those who know better about nutrition may get angry or laugh at the absurdity of this KFC/Komen partnership, but they won't buy a bucket of fried chicken so Komen gets 50 cents.

Those that have the greatest need to learn about healthier eating can interpret this as: If Komen, "the global leader of the breast cancer movement" is involved, then fried chicken must be OK. And buying a bucket supports breast cancer research. Chow down, kids!

What could have been an invaluable opportunity for community outreach and education risks the anger of Komen supporters, and all those that fight an uphill battle against the "bigger is better" food culture.

If the Pink Buckets were filled with grilled chicken, or even Original Recipe - WITHOUT skin and breading - it would give folks a first hand experience and important lesson: that you don’t have to completely give up your favorite foods to improve your health.

Here are the facts on KFC. It would have been so easy to suggest and reward the healthier options:

Orig. Recipe Ch. Breast
without skin or breading - Cal: 150 Fat g: 2.5 Chol: 85 Sodium: 430

Grilled Ch. Breast - Cal: 190 Fat g: 6 Chol: 90 Sodium: 550

Orig. Recipe Ch. Breast - Cal: 320 Fat g: 15 Chol: 110 Sodium: 710

Spicy Crispy Ch. Breast - Cal: 420 Fat g: 25 Chol: 110 Sodium: 1250

Extra Crispy Ch. Breast - Cal: 510 Fat g: 33 Chol: 110 Sodium: 1010

What do YOU think?

Fun Day on Psyche’s Playground

2010-03-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

It’s not that I don’t have more than enough artsy hobbies to keep my house in a constant state of disarray, but they are all so isolating. For the past 2 weeks, I’ve taken the time to join a couple of small groups on a Saturday to do SoulCollage. One of my previous students-turned-facilitator led the one on 3/13, and I led the one last Saturday. It always amazes me to see how random images can reach the deepest levels of our Psyche and initiate healing.

I encourage you to read more about it on the SoulCollage site, but the basic process is to create a collage on a 5x8 card, and identify it as part of your life in a phrase that begins with “I am the One who…” and give then give it a name. I have more cards displayed in previous posts, and I wanted to share these recent ones:

5th Chakra

I am the one who knows
that although my voice is small,
I can trust that Spirit will reflect its strength
to be carried by something larger than myself.

Self Esteem

I am the One who knows
that even when I have a bad hair day,
my higher consciousness
will always exude my inner glamour.

And what about you? Have you worked with collage and/or art therapy? What refreshes YOUR spirit?
Love, Laurie

Why Turbans?

2010-03-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

When I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer in June, 2008, I focused on the high chances of recovery. I imagined myself a warrior in a dark adventure, full of unknown challenges that would force me to find solutions to help all of us that face this journey. As both a patient and a doctor, maybe I would even discover a natural cure.

As the days of chemotherapy and radiation closed in, I didn't feel so adventurous. Above all, I became obsessed with how to deal with losing my hair. The doctors encouraged me to maintain my lifestyle as much as possible during treatment, which meant being in public almost every day. I wanted to be a positive role model to my own patients, no matter what my condition.

At least initially, a cancer diagnosis rips away our sense of control over anything. Unlike gradual appearance changes, like weight or normal aging, chemo hair loss can happen over just a few days, and we can't do anything to stop it. Living in a body that has turned against you, chemo leaves you tired, cranky and hairless, and you don't even recognize the person in the mirror.

Some days it's difficult to just get up, yet there are daily tasks, medical appointments, a job and a family. With barely has the energy to put on lipstick, you would think appearance is not important, but the comfort of the familiar, and that need to look good and be accepted, never goes away. Besides feeling awkward, I didn't want how my head looked to scream "I have cancer." I admit, I'm a teeny bit of a control freak, but I wanted to inspire hope, not pity.

Going through treatment in the cooler months, few women I met went bare-headed. Other than wigs, most wore skimpy kerchiefs and caps that were more of an emergency measure than a conscious style decision. As we chatted in the waiting room, many complained that they were self-conscious about their hair loss and dorky hat, often looking worse than they felt, and frustrated by this constant reminder of their illness.

Once I lost my hair, my scalp was so sensitive from other chemo side effects that wigs were unbearable. I experimented with wrapping scarves of all sizes until I came up with a turban effect that was actually more flattering than my hair had been. And I could wear colors to match an outfit, I couldn't do that with my hair! Every time I went to the treatment centers, the nurses ran over to see what new wrap I was wearing. Best of all, the patients would always brighten up and ask me where they could find one already wrapped.

Seeing the turbans made everyone well, titillated. And the idea of Titillating Turbans was born.

Because wraps can be challenging, I wanted to create something that would be easy for anyone to just plop on their head, and style according to their own personality. There were no patterns similar to my turban, so I started snipping and stitching until I developed a workable pattern and found the most comfortable fabrics. I made a prototype and by June, 2009, a year after my initial diagnosis, I had all the business aspects complete, and a new line of head wear that makes women perk up and smile from the moment they see the variety of gorgeous colors and soft fabrics.

Throughout my life, my mantra has been, "Everything happens for a reason." Then I got cancer, and entered a family of thousands of cancer patients of all ages. And I can find no reason for all this suffering.

Now I believe stuff happens for no reason. But what we do with that "stuff" defines who we are. What I do see is that we are incredibly loving beings, with instincts not only to preserve our own survival, but to ease the suffering of others. Whether you knit a cap, send a card, call, tweet or discover a cure, the roles are equally important. Our strengths arise from our ability to sense the needs of others and our resiliency in the face of adversity to find solutions that will ease their pain.

I hope Titillating Turbans is an encouraging link in the chain of recovery. They were created to help women remember they are so much more than their hair; each person has a unique style and beauty that comes from within. No matter what happens to our bodies, we are creative creatures and will find a way to decorate and celebrate who we are, connect with others and share the healing wisdom that awakens as we embrace each moment of this precious life.

This article originally posted on Join Our Loop. Please visit and support this inspirational gathering place for collaborative insights and information on breast cancer - before, during and after diagnosis and treatment.

Graduation Day & Flash-Free Nights

2010-03-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 2nd 3-month follow up with the oncologist since I completed the herceptin in September. We were holding our breath on this one, since the cancer markers had risen as of my last visit. Good oncology news with the lab tests: all the blood tests are great, the numbers for the cancer markers dropped back to normal levels, and despite the chemo, radiation and bout with Arimidex, the dexascan shows my bone density has decreased only slightly from pre-treatment levels. I’m nowhere near osteoporosis. If I can get up off my Twitter-butt long enough to exercise on a regular basis, these old bones will be fine. I’ve graduated to the six-month follow up plan!

The best news is that she agreed the Arimidex was not for me, and maybe none of those meds will be. I’ve been off it a month, and although several symptoms are gone, and the joint pain is significantly reduced, it is still there. Now I have this weird stabbing pain in my left hand that only happens after 9 p.m. and lingers until morning.

I had been trying to get through a 15 minute routine on the rebounder, and halfway through it was all I could do to follow with small movements. The pain in my right hand and elbow was severe enough to preclude my lifting a 5 pound weight. By the second week off that wretched drug, I not only got through the full routine without even getting winded, but I did it in conjunction with arm exercises using both weights. I’ve directed my excitement about the increase in my energy and stamina to override how pissed off I am about the insidious side effects. I was down so long with that stuff that I didn’t know what “normal” was supposed to be.

Monday I’ll see the radiologist for that 6-month follow up, a week before my 1 year rad-iversary on St. Patty’s Day. Even though the process was much easier on me than it has been on so many women, cancer treatment is a brutal insult that is imbedded in the memory of my body and soul. Time seems to have passed so quickly, but it feels like I’m still climbing out of an altered state, surprised every time I reach another step towards health that I didn’t anticipate.

There are yet more special events left in the wake of Arimidex: hot flashes and the dreaded night sweats, which had been long gone and didn’t even arise during chemo. During a relentless attack the other night, I remembered someone telling me of a remedy of apple cider vinegar and honey (or maple syrup). I thought the recipe was for 2 tablespoons of each in water, so that’s what I did. Not only did the hot flashes stop within moments, but I conked out for the rest of the night.

I looked up the recipe the next day in a little booklet my mom had sent me about 20 years ago (and I filed away thinking it was crazy). It actually suggested 2 TEASPOONS of vinegar. No wonder I felt slightly queasy. But it worked – really, really fast.

Usually I have several flashes throughout the day, so I dress in layers, starting with sleeveless. By 3 pm the following day I realized I had been working all day in a sweater AND jacket, and had never felt uncomfortable. I’ve continued the remedy several times a day for the past 3 days; I still have them, but they are significantly less frequent and less intense. I passed the info to a friend who is in a constant state of spontaneous combustion, and it’s working for her, too. Bear in mind that both my friend & I are following a pretty clean diet – little, if any, processed foods, lots of fruit & veggies, etc.

The purist recipe is here: http://bragg.com/healthinfo/acvdaily.html
This is an excerpt:
“When you wake up in the morning just make a delicious cocktail using 2 teaspoons of raw, organic apple cider vinegar, and if you need a sweetener, use organic honey, 100% maple syrup, or molasses to taste. If you are diabetic, use the sweet substitute stevia. I recommend you use only distilled water. This "Bragg Healthy Cocktail" is designed to flush out wastes that are clogging the organs of elimination, the bowels, lungs, skin, and the kidneys. Take it at least twice a day, and you will start to see changes like increased energy, soft skin, and decreased muscle and joint aches from exercise. Make sure you use raw, organic vinegar, never dead, distilled vinegar because the natural enzymes, minerals, and nutrients are destroyed in the distilling process. Any vinegar that is clear and has no "mother" (the strand-like substance in the bottom of the bottle) has no nutritional value. Natural raw vinegar should be pungent, with a rich, brownish color and a visible "mother." Drinking apple cider vinegar daily, and eating a largely fresh, organic, vegetarian diet, along with following a simple fitness program, will change your life so dramatically you will never go back to your old ways!”

Mr. Bragg is a character, and claims it will cure everything, and the book made lots of unsubstantiated claims. It does not mention hot flashes, so I don’t know where I heard that tidbit, but I will say it helped lower the heat!

I do like their products, which you can get at most health food stores. I have been using the Bragg’s Aminos for years and it is delicious; I use it just like any other soy sauce as a seasoning, and always spray it on my salads.

If you have hot flashes and try this remedy, please let me know – did it work for you?
In the meantime: What do YOU do for hot flashes?

What Was I Saying?

2010-02-05T16:25:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether to blame menopause, medication or just doing too many things at once, but this is a typical conversation with my husband. He had just finished installing a shelf in the closet when I came in and asked:
Are you hungry?
Dave: Did you see what I did in the closet?
Me: Wow! That looks great!
Dave: Thanks! Are you hungry?
Me: Why, are you?
Dave: You just asked ME!
Me: I did?

On that note, I'm glad we can all laugh, even if some of us don't remember what we are laughing at...(have a nice weekend!)

Adventures with Arimidex

2010-01-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

If you are new to this blog, or one of the angels that has been following on the carepages, welcome. Be assured that none of my rantings are complaints; I’m delighted to be alive, regardless of what it took to get me here. Nor is anything here to be construed as medical advice. I am a breast cancer survivor that happens to be a chiropractor and perpetual student, which gives me access to resources that may not be in the forefront of the news. My purpose in documenting this journey is to encourage your own research and remind you that you are not alone when, for example, your fingernails suddenly shred to the quick.

I love my oncologist. She timed each segment of my treatment to allow adequate recovery in between, and always gives me fair warning about the next step. Then she guides me into doing it on schedule while still letting me feel I have some control in the matter. That’s a warm fuzzy for a control freak, even if is an illusion.

My chemo cocktail was Taxotere/Carboplatin/Herceptin. I completed the first two in December ’08, but as a gift that keeps on giving, the after effects of Taxotere still continue to be achy feet and joints, especially first thing in the morning. Those were quickly relieved by just moving around, and the more I exercised, the better I felt. It was just weird to feel like my joints had suddenly aged 30 years.

Months ahead of her writing the prescription for Arimidex, she interjected the topic into each of our conversations, adding a little more detail each visit. Before my BC diagnosis, I rarely took prescription meds, and used over the counter (OTC) stuff so infrequently that it expired between uses. She knows and respects that taking any meds is a big deal for me. When I finished my year of Herceptin in September 2009, it was “time” for Arimidex. She patiently watched me dance around it for weeks with excuses to postpone the start date.

Both Tamoxifen and Arimidex are drugs taken for about 5 years after finishing chemo for breast cancer. They block estrogen receptors, a good thing if the tumor is “ER+” (estrogen receptor positive), which mine was. An oversimplified explanation of the differences between the two is that Arimidex is typically for post-menopausal women with early stage breast cancer, and Tamoxifen is for premenopausal women (thereby inducing premature menopause). For a more detailed explanation, there is a link to an expert at the end of this post.

Back to the matter at hand.

The list of “common” side effects of Armidex (they occur in 10-20% of patients) made chemo look like a picnic. Once I started taking the drug, I found that they can happen quickly. On the upside it significantly decreases the chances of breast cancer. Hopefully, that would not be due to a side effect killing me sooner. After a week of pretending I forgot to take it, by the beginning of October I ran out of excuses.

Because I was concerned about nausea or anything that would prevent me from working, I waited until a Friday night to take the first pill. I collapsed on the couch, waiting for my eyeballs to bleed and my feet explode. Nothing happened.
Within minutes there was an unfamiliar pressure in my head, similar to the onset of a headache, but I was fine by morning. That symptom still occurs frequently, but not enough to concern me.

Much to my surprise, over the next 2 days my skin looked surprisingly clear (the last herceptin infusion resulted in massive outbreaks). Or maybe the Arimidex severely affected my eyesight? My thoughts were more focused, my energy increased, no aches or pains. I even went for a walk/run and actually looked forward to it... for someone who hates to exercise, I felt this was a bonus.

About a week later, my fingernails started shredding like they did during chemo. I woke one morning with the feeling of an ice pick in my low back. I attributed it to maybe sitting too long or wearing the wrong shoes the day before. I did a few stretches, hobbled around and got on with the day. As it became worse over the following week, I made several visits to my chiropractor. I also have a multitude of effective modalities in my own office, and tried them all. I used cold laser treatments, my usual natural remedies, laser acupoint therapy. I finally succumbed to a few doses of Advil. Not only did nothing relieve it, but it continued to get worse and the pain kept me awake every night. By the end of the second week I wondered if the cancer had metastasized to my spine.

I called the oncologist’s office; they assured me that pain was a common side effect. It would diminish over time and if needed, they would prescribe… forget it. Every prescription pain killer gives me hallucinations, and not the fun kind. Even Advil or Aleve leaves me groggy. I stopped taking the Arimidex and within a few days the pain diminished.

Faced with the dilemma of jumping back into hell, I took dosing matters into my own hands and bought a pill-splitter at CVS. It took a couple of weeks and a few more chiropractic adjustments before the pain went away. At that point I went back on Arimidex at ½ dose for the first week, then full dose, and to this date, the pain has not returned.

After about a week, my thoughts became… negative. Not depressed or teary, but almost. Internal chatter about being a loser came out of nowhere and filtered my outlook. I started snapping at Dave, which is WAY out of character. We have such a blissful relationship that it tends to annoy a lot of people. Once I realized this sudden change was just a side effect, I was able to redirect my thoughts and improve my attitude. But its onset was so insidious that I can understand how it could easily lead to depression.

Oh yes, hot flashes. Long gone, they returned with a vengeance. Not the constant drenching kind, but enough to be aggravating during the day and keep me awake at night. Another side effect of Arimidex is insomnia, but the hot flashes are so prominent at night that I can’t distinguish if I would be able to sleep otherwise. I can work around pain, but I can not tolerate sleep deprivation. It leaves me foggy and disoriented, affecting my decision making and communication abilities, and overall unraveling my life.

During chemo, I never used the collection of anti-anxiety meds that were prescribed in anticipation of their need. But I remembered that one med had a dual use of anti-nausea and insomnia relief. Reluctantly, after trying herbal and supplement formulas that work in normal circumstances, I found I need the 1mg of Lorazepam to get a good night’s sleep without the hot flashes waking me. It’s not so bad; if I do have to get up during the night, I easily fall back to sleep, and never feel groggy the next day.

The challenge with natural remedies is that they can face an uphill battle against the unnatural pharmaceuticals, but that is another topic. I still don’t like having to take anything, so acupuncture is on the list as soon as my budget allows. I’ll keep you posted.

Two weeks into the second round of taking the full 1 mg dose of Arimidex, a migraine started mid-afternoon. My only history of migraines is on the rare occasions when I didn’t eat on time. Since I learned to balance my blood sugar, it happens only a few times a year, and goes away with a nap. This migraine was relentless for the next 30 hours. That night I did not take the Arimidex, and it went away within a couple of hours.

A few days later, I noticed a twinge in my right shoulder when I reached back into the console for the garage door opener. It was not relieved by chiropractic or any of the previously mention remedies, modalities, or non-prescription pain relievers. As the pain progressed, simple reaching and lifting became difficult. I stopped taking it about a week ago, and within 24 hours the pain was down nearly 50%. It’s almost gone now; I only noticed it during a yoga stretch yesterday. To get rid of the last bit of inflammation I’ll start with the natural stuff, and if needed, an OTC once or twice. As soon as I can do those movements without pain, I’ll be back on a ½ dose and work up to the full dose again.

I’m learning to pick my battles to manage symptoms. Over the past 18 months, many angels in human and other forms have inspired me to find solutions along the way. Some worked, some did not. I took a MacGyver-like approach to many of the surprises that arose, and came out the other side with a big sigh of relief. As much as I used to avoid exercise, now it is a necessity or my joints will lock up. I take a variety of supplements (including MCHC calcium and high doses of vitamin D) monitor my vitamin D levels with my other quarterly blood tests, and I’m due for another dexa scan to make sure the Arimidex is not disintegrating my bones.

Below is a list of Arimidex side effects. I do not suggest you do what I do. Every cancer is different, every person responds differently to any given treatment or illness. But knowledge is power. Being aware of the possible symptoms can give you more control by knowing what to monitor, what to ask your doctor, what choices to explore. If you do have side effects, please report them to your doctor as well as the FDA at FDA MedWatch.

If we don’t speak up, they don’t know. I am not anti-drug. I am anti-drugs-that-do-more-harm-than-good. A couple of paragraphs of resources follow; please share your story by clicking on “Comments.” Be well.

Common side effects of Arimidex include hot flashes, weakness, joint pain, pharyngitis (sore throat), hypertension, depression, nausea, vomiting, rashes, back pain, insomnia, headaches, coughing, shortness of breath and swelling of the lymph nodes or extremities…. asthenia (lack of energy & strength), arthritis, pain, fractures, back pain, pain, headache, bone pain, increased cough, dyspnea (shortness of breath), and lymphedema… onset of osteoporosis… increased cholesterol levels.
Other risks include severe allergic reactions, heart attack, stroke and liver dysfunction.
Serious adverse reactions with ARIMIDEX occurring in less than 1 in 10,000 patients, are: 1) skin reactions such as lesions, ulcers, or blisters; 2) allergic reactions with swelling of the face, lips, tongue, and/or throat. This may cause difficulty in swallowing and/or breathing; and 3) changes in blood tests of the liver function, including inflammation of the liver with symptoms that may include a general feeling of not being well, with or without jaundice, liver pain or liver swelling.

My favorite site for more-than-you’d-ever-want-to-know-about-your-meds is rxlist.com, where you can find side effects, drug interactions, details of the studies, comparisons with Tamoxifen and post-marketing info – the stuff they find out AFTER the drug is released upon us.

For a simplified explanation, here is a link to an excellent article: Antihormonal Therapy for Breast Cancer

What have been YOUR adventures with Arimidex?

Life After Cancer – Or So You Would Think

2010-01-08T11:53:00.000-08:00

This is insane – how did I lose a year? I started writing this post in June 2009, my cancerversary – a year from the first diagnoses, first surgeries and first step into a new dimension of sound… oops, wrong dimension. Well, maybe not. Let’s see…

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension. A dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You just crossed over - into the Twilight Zone.

Yup, that sounds about right. For the next nine months I was the star in my own TZ, going through life as if everything were normal - until the final shocking twist.

A year ago I was tired & hairless, in the aftermath of a New Year’s party I still can’t believe we hosted, surrounded by friends that took over my kitchen with a spontaneous cleanup patrol. This New Year was our 10th anniversary, my first year post chemo. We enjoyed a quiet early dinner, just the two of us, toasting with gratitude to our health and happiness (and my new hair). We survived the worst of the cancer treatment. We survived Dave’s layoff in November (he starts an awesome new job on 2/1). Each terrifying leap into yet another void opened yet another dimension.

I still don’t understand this cancer epidemic. I had none of the classic risk factors, genetic tests were all negative. I wonder why me, regarding both why I got it and why I survived. There are those younger and healthier that don’t survive. There are those that break all the “healthy lifestyle” rules and never get cancer. It’s like a ruthless tornado that wipes out an entire town but leaves one house untouched.

When I look at my life’s TO DO list, I feel a prevailing guilt about procrastination. Last week I was chastising myself for not having accomplished certain milestones over the past year when a friend stopped me in my tracks. “Whoa, remember that cancer-chemo-radiation thing you had to take care of for a while?” Oh. Yeah. THAT interruption.

For a brief recap, during the day all my focus and energy was directed toward taking care of patients, running the office and attending endless medical appointments in between.

Radiation was not as bad as I expected it would be, and going 5 days a week for 6 (or 7?) weeks got me out of the office for a break during the day. Between the Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy, the Chinese Burn Ointment and clay treatments from TTE Skin Care, I had minimal swelling, burning or discomfort. I tried a specialized formula from a compounding pharmacy, but it was absurdly expensive, and didn’t help as much. Some of the other women who opted not to use remedies said their skin was so damaged it hurt to wear clothes. Other women had no side effects at all. It’s all such a gamble.

After work, my reserve of mental energy was limited to putting together a fairly healthy dinner and operating the remote control, not necessarily at the same time or at a reasonable pace. Over the six months of treatment, I must have watched every episode of Law and Order made since 2001. Some I watched 2 or 3 times, because I couldn’t remember the endings. The upside to short term memory loss was being very easily entertained. You could tell me the same story at least 4 times before I would rudely interrupt with the punch line.

After completing radiation (St. Patrick’s Day), the fog that encircled my brain slowly dissipated. At first it was like being on the edge of a dream, that mysteriously familiar state just before waking where the actual sounds and voices around you are woven into the story in your unconscious, and you are unsure whether all or any of it is a dream or reality. When you begin to waken, the dream thoughts slip away in wisps as your world comes into focus. Every now and then thought pops back in that seemed so important at the time, even prophetic, but you can’t remember why. If you are fortunate enough to keep it in your mental files, its meaning can unfold during a flash in a recurring dream or a moment of déjà vu.

I had fleeting glimpses of a turban/headwrap that would be easy to wear, but I didn’t know how to construct it. These images nipped at my thoughts, interrupted my sleep. If that sounds commercial and shallow, you must understand that to say losing your hair to chemo adds insult to injury is a gross understatement. No, I am not my hair and all that, but it’s part of our identity, and in the middle of wondering if I’m going to live or die and what’s going to happen to my family, why me, will it hurt, will I lose body parts… women don’t need the stress of being afraid to look in the mirror. Just because chemo knocks the crap out of us, strips us bald and leaves us pudgy, tired and bloated, it doesn’t mean we can’t look stunning in our warrior stance against cancer. Note to self - sword sheaths to coordinate with the head wraps…

Some time in April I had a Rip Van Winkle moment – I woke up, stepped out of that zone, and was shocked by all the things that had been left undone since June 2008. So much to do!!!

Is it here – is it gone – am I free – are we safe? There was work to be done, lives to save, turbans to create. There were still the blood cells to watch, “cancer count” to monitor, the skin to heal from radiation. Not to forget the follow up MRI, quarterly heart scans and a mammogram as soon as I could stand it. And plugging into a bag of Herceptin every three weeks, a friendly reminder not to get too comfortable; cancer could still be lurking in the darkness. I met one lady that nearly died of heart failure because of her reaction to Herceptin after finishing a different chemo that caused the reaction. She is doing great now, another woman that inspires me whenever I start to grumble about the comparatively minor and annoying changes my body still goes through. I have NOTHING to complain about.

The more my mind cleared, the more I was haunted by the need to design something that would look like my head wraps, yet still be easy to do. Women with baseball caps were waiting out there for something to help them look stronger and happier. I tried every hat and turban design by all the pattern companies, but nothing came close to what I wanted. So I did what I know how to do… I started wrapping pieces of fabric on my head. Clipping, pinning, stitching, tossing it out and going back to the wrapping board, as it were. Then there were mechanical issues.

My regular sewing machine needed a special attachment for the hem, which had to be special ordered – a 2 week delay. The serger machine (the thing that trims and neatly finishes seams) did not cooperate, and it was critical to the construction of a finished piece. It would work reasonably well until a Sunday, when the repair shops were closed. After several episodes at the sewing machine hospital, it survived long enough to finish an adequate prototype.

There are an infinite number of details in creating a product; the design was the easy part, despite the months of intense work and frustration. At that point, I struggled to see over the horizon, because I had to learn how to promote and produce them – it was clear from the beginning that I am not the seamstress in this process! I became engrossed in a new universe of garment manufacturing and marketing, with its own collection of regulations, new connections, resources, trade shows, media, protection of intellectual property, incorporation, attorneys, accountants, internet visibility and promotion – AUUUGGHHH!!! I just wanted to make nice wraps for the ladies at the clinic!

Other dimensions opened since I emerged from my chemo trance. One is enhancements to my chiropractic practice, and the other is the development of this new headwear mission. So far, I feel I’ve kept a good balance between the two, and I am amazed that I have the energy to get everything done. I work seven days a week from pre-dawn to the end of day, fueled by the excitement of both creativity and contribution.

The pinkribbon goddesses must have been smiling upon this project. After the site launched June 1, it had almost 2000 hits in the first 6 weeks. We were on Good Day Sacramento on June 29, and my first fashion show, to benefit Relay for Life, was on August 30. Each step is steeped in details and deadlines. Staying organized is not my favorite pastime, but now I am forced into it or everything will fall apart. Fortunately, I have not been alone. Dave & I had met an accomplished entrepreneur through a business network several years ago, and occasionally kept in touch through our various projects. When he offered to let me pick his brain for this venture, I jumped at the chance. He has been an invaluable resource and trusted friend, our Guardian Angel who propelled us far beyond our own knowledge base.

I never know if the cancer has been banished by my swift and aggressive actions to suppress it, or if it is hiding in the shadows, smirking, licking its chops, waiting for an opportunity to strike again. I am ready to deal a preemptive strike at any time to keep that son of a bitch in its place – out of my life. If I’ve learned anything it’s that life is too short to procrastinate, and it is rich with people who will carry you through. And it’s OK to ask for assistance along the way, graciously accept the gifts that are offered, and keep on climbing – it only makes us stronger to help both ourselves and each other.

We complain about “chemo brain” and how it puts you in a fog. In retrospect (and evidenced by neglecting the blog since I emerged), it seemed more of a dream state of odd creativity. Not necessarily a nice dream, more like an acid trip without the sitar music. Although it felt endless while I was there, it was a fragment of time that made me keenly aware of my mortality and the metaphors that speak from everything around us.

I became exquisitely appreciative of human connection, even among strangers. We will pull together in crises. We all have the capacity and willingness to become heroes when the moment calls. Although I snapped into a frantic pace of playing catch-up as soon as my energy returned, those lessons are certainly not lost.

I thought the message in my getting cancer was to find a natural cure. Ha. I couldn’t even swallow most supplements during that time. I’m leaving that to the healers who are much smarter than I will ever be. My role in health care evolved with deeper empathy, more resources for those in need, and an ever gentler touch for those in pain, whatever the source.

The unforeseen lesson was to wake up my artistic side, the part I buried under years of the Intellectualizing One, and to introduce them to each other, stir up the synergy to help me get my job done. From psychics to coaches and counselors, I’ve been told over and again to get out of my head and back into my heart. I kept looking to my healthcare practice to fulfill all that. Now I see there are more ways I can help people heal. Time is running short. Even if I live to be 100, my life is more than half over and there is so much to do.

The Women

2009-11-08T07:54:00.001-08:00

The Women’s Hair Loss Project Presents… Hair Never Looked So Good (Video)

Posted using ShareThis

Crafty Solutions to Chemo Hair Loss

2009-09-21T13:53:00.001-07:00

Crafty Solutions to Chemo Hair Loss

Posted using ShareThis

I'm Still Here!

2009-06-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

Posted Jun 8, 2009 1:11am

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since my last update. I'm working on a long one, but until I complete that epic saga, here's the synopsis: good news and more good news!

My six week follow up with the radiation oncologist was awesome - no burning, no discoloration or tissue damage. So to celebrate, last month I went for my first mammogram since all this started, and I'm happy to report it wasn't any more uncomfortable than usual. That means there is no residual inflammation from the radiation. Yipee. Follow up heart scan, MRI and mammo are all clear, blood tests are good... whew. Five more months of herceptin and I'll graduate to an oral drug for a few years.

LONG story short - I did design a user-friendly turban, and the site is up and running starting... NOW!!

You are invited to visit! Click here: Titillating Turbans!

Since I had designed them for women who had hair loss from chemotherapy, I was really surprised when other women also started grabbing them up when I brought them to the office - just because they add so much pizzazz to your look!

Most important, please share this site with anyone you know that has either lost their hair or works in any business related to cancer care. I know there was a reason I was forced to find a way to look stylish no matter how lousy or discouraged I felt. It would brighten my day so much to get a compliment from someone who loved my turban, especially on those days when I wondered if I would ever look normal again!

June 12 is my first "cancerversary;" it has been a year since the initial diagnosis, and I feel so blessed to report all the post-treatment tests are clear. With renewed energy and well on my way to a healthier, cancer-free life, it's time to bring a little color into the lives of those who are still in the toughest process of their healing journey.

Whether it's a no-hair day or a bad-hair day, women feel elegant in these soft, colorful turbans. You can order on line for direct shipment, and if you are local, please come by the office to say hi and try them on.

I'm pooped - it took all day to photograph all that stuff and post it. Truly a labor of love. It's past my bedtime. I love you all, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued love and support.
Nightie-night,
Laurie

Dancing a Jig!!

2009-06-10T16:10:00.000-07:00

Posted Mar 17, 2009 2:07pm

Happy St. Patty’s Day – and let’s do a happy dance, because this morning I had my LAST radiation treatment!!!!

Because the radiation machine had broken down a couple of times, the schedule was off, and I had to go in at 7:40 a.m. today. Pretty early for my usual morning off, but completing that cycle was a fabulous way to start the day. The sun was shining by the time I got home, so I trimmed a few hedges and washed the windows of my studio room. This room was a life-long dream of mine that we finally fulfilled a couple of weeks ago when I realized no one had slept in our guest room since my Dad came out to visit for our wedding in 2000. I gave the queen-sized bed to my friend’s grandson who had outgrown his bunk bed – a useful resurrection for a piece of furniture had become a dumping ground for whatever I didn’t have time to put away.

We pulled up the carpet, put in a light-colored Pergo floor (LOVE it!), lined 2 of the walls with white base cabinets and melamine table-top, and voila!! I have a studio! I love having a place for everything in a tidy room where I’m proud to keep the door open. Best of all, my main work table looks out into my Buddha garden, which is just beginning to burst into bloom. It is the first time I’ve had a place to put all my art supplies in one place, and not have to take up the kitchen table every time I feel creative. I’m sitting in front of the window now with my computer, watching the garden come to life.

Just as I predicted, as the garden blooms, so does my head. About three weeks ago, I noticed the birds were visiting the garden more frequently, so I took my bag of the hair that I saved from my molting experience last fall and scattered it under the fig tree. You gotta give to get… I can’t wait to see what the nests under the eaves will look like this year.

Soon after that, my hair started growing back, and although it’s a little sparse, it’s about ½ inch long and getting thicker and more wavy (I think) every day. It’s darker than I expected, with a few thick, gray 2-inchers sticking straight out like antennae at random spots around my head. Very attractive; I’m not ready to give up the turbans yet.

Radiation wasn’t too bad; what really knocked me out was the cold I had for 2 weeks. By the end of last week my body was exhausted - it felt like mono-type body/brain fatigue, not necessarily sleepiness. I was able to sleep in a little over the weekend, so I have pretty high energy during the day, and don’t need to slow down until after I get home from work, when I crash. I'll bounce back quickly!

There are late reactions to chemo - since nails and lash/brow hair are very slow growing cells, about the time I started celebrating the emergence of my coiffure, my nails started shredding down past the quick. The doc said the new stuff coming in (about half way up the nail bed now) looks great, which means my new cells are coming in healthy! She also said most people lose at least half the nail, so the fact that the shreds are more or less hanging on a good sign, just creepy ugly. And difficult to scratch an itch.

As of about a week ago, my bottom lashes were stubs and I have about a half dozen strands on the top lids. Fortunately I wear enough liner & shadow so that it's hardly noticeable, but it sure looks strange in my magnifying mirror! In line with Mother Nature's sadistic sense of humor, facial hairs grow faster and stronger than lash hairs; actually, I think chin follicles actually suck the lashes/brows into your head, spin the fine hairs into thick bristles on the way down, and pull them out through the chin. Lovely.

Most of my brows fell out, too, but are growing back really quickly. Thank goodness I had permanent makeup done for brows & liner before all this started or I'd look like a lizard-face. THANK YOU Lori, for your wonderful gift of Revitalash – it’s really working. My new lash stubs are coming in thick, and Groucho Marx would envy my new brows.

When that started, I tried on some light false eyelashes one day, but by the end of the day they were too irritating and I developed a blinking tic that made me look like a flirty psychopath. It was very poor timing, too, because that night I had to borrow Dave's truck to pick up something at his Mom's house, which is in a somewhat rural area. I went straight from work, so it was dark. I mention this because my night vision isn’t so great these days. I still had on the lashes (irritating the left eye) and my reading contact lens (blurring distance vision in the right eye).

For those of you familiar with the area, you know the curved hill on highway 50 between El Dorado Hills and Bass Lake Road is challenging under the best of circumstances. As I started up the hill, I pulled into the passing lane only to find that they had started construction since the last time I was there. I hate those friggin' concrete barricades that leave a 3" shoulder on the left while I’m trying to navigate the passing lane – even more treacherous in the dark. To add insult to injury, for the next couple of miles there was a poorly repaired trench just off-center of the lane for the right wheel to keep dipping into. And I was driving Dave's truck, which is like driving... well, a truck.

To enhance the pleasure of my journey, a “big wheel” truck was tailgating me,while another blocked me on the right. Blinking and blurring, I had no choice but to grip the wheel and stay put until the barricades ended and traffic thinned. By then I was about a mile past my exit; I had to go another couple of miles to reach the next exit and turn around. I'm going to pass on the false eyelashes. Even MY vanity has limits.

This is absolutely the weirdest thing that has ever happened to my body. I wonder what “normal” will be like?

Nonetheless, celebrate with me and choose your favorite happy dance!
Love, Laurie

TMobile Dance
Where the Hell Is Matt?
Smarty Pants Dance
Fingers Breakdance2