Lazy Pineapple

Caption Contest 12 ‘You think you are funny?’

2010-07-28T08:17:00.000+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’
Please Write a Caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Winner of Caption Contest 11 ' You think you are Funny?'

2010-07-26T17:48:00.001+01:00

Apologies for delay in announcing the winner. I am still recovering from my move across the continents. Thanks for your patience friends :)

There were so many wonderful entries this time, it was quite difficult for me to choose the winners.

The winners of the 11th edition of the caption contest are :

Ritu : "Damn! Look at his beer belly, I'll pass"

Ravi : 'Damn - They don't make it as strong as they used to :('

Congratulations !!!

Please drop me a mail at and I will mail you the trophy.

Hope to see you all this Wednesday for another round of Caption Contest.

Caption Contest 11 'You Think you are Funny?'

2010-07-21T14:21:00.004+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

Please write a caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Winner of Caption Contest 10

2010-07-18T07:28:00.000+01:00

This is caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

The winner of the 10th edition of the caption contest is :

The NRI: 'Oh come on, SMILE....'

Congratulations !!!

Please drop me a mail at and I will mail you the trophy.

Hope to see you all this Wednesday for another round of Caption Contest.

Caption Contest 10 ‘You think you are Funny?’

2010-07-14T00:03:00.001+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

Please write a caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Killerk (Clerk –1989) – A Movie Review

2010-07-12T01:23:00.001+01:00

This post has been published by me as a team member of The Wordsworth Legions for the SUPER 3 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

To boldly go where no man has gone before

A movie from bygone era when ‘Clerks’ or ‘Sarkari Babus’ were still honest and do gooders and thought taking Baksheesh to push paper was so not kosher. Manoj Kumar plays the part of a poor patriotic clerk called (so clichéd) ‘Bharat’ at the Ministry of Defence. The one who always had a hand on his face and has played a ‘Bharat Maa ka beta’ in most of his movies.

The movie starts with ‘Pitaji’, Ashok Kumar writhing in pain because of a heart attack. The family is distraught as they don’t have money to pay ‘Doctor babu ki fees’. Bharat comes to the rescue with the perfect medicine for a heart attack. To hell with modern medicine..if you have a couple of pencil cells and ‘Azad Hind Fauj’ ka song, you will have the patient singing and marching in no time. The doctors just fool us all with CPR and hospital bills. Daddy deario starts singing and marching in no time as the wifey and baccha log look on with pride. The miracle of a few batteries and a patriotic song belting out from the tape recorder, has you confused if the movie is actually a comedy. And then, you get introduced to a whole array of characters :

1) An alcohol guzzling, disabled and face burned in the war elder brother Ram who suspects his wife of earning a fast buck by playing hooky.

2) A younger brother Balaram and sister Tulsi who make a a doorknob look smarter when it comes to acting skills. All these characters seem to be post doctorates in the field of overacting and over reacting.

Bharat’s old flame Sneh has left him to marry Vijay Kapoor who is rich and crooked. Vijay Kapoor wants a fat government defence contract so along with Sneh he plots a plan and makes Bharat majboor into stealing a file from his boss ‘Khan’ (Defence chief) and in return pay him boatloads of cash. Bharat’s family moves into a mansion and repossesses their ‘Girvi padi Jameen’ and all izz well. Meanwhile another buxom babe ‘Pooja’ who is Bharat’s colleague is struck by constipated cupid which propels her to don gymnastics gear to seduce Bharat. She proudly says ‘I have won many cups in gymnastics in school and college’ to which Bharat replies ‘but now I would like to go and have a cup of tea (rather than see your body double do the gymnastics)’.

And then start the twists and turns in the story which make your head reel. The director has taken ‘Is kahani mein emotion hai, drama hai, tragedy hai’ too much to heart’.

Balaram robs a bank with his girlfriend, (Ms. Torn Jeans and trying too hard to be tapori) ‘Sonu’. He gets arrested and is thrown in jail.
Sister Tulsi gets raped by a gangster when she goes to him for help to get Balaram released.
Gymnastics babe is illegitimate and gets molested by her own father and kills him. Just before he dies in the hospital he transfers his property to the daughter.
Pitaji comes to know of Bharat’s treachery and finally dies of heart attack. The tape recorder and the battery cells failed to revive him this time Tchah.
Elder brother gets mighty angry when he comes to know the reason of Pitaji’s demise and wants to kill Bharat.
Balaram the bank robber clad in shiny black leather and holding a machine gun escapes from jail and saves Bharat from getting killed by Ram.
Old flame ‘Sneh’ comes back to her senses and suddenly realizes that she has been a selfish money hungry shark.
Ram finds out that Mrs.. hooky hooker is actually selling her blood to provide for his food and alcohol and becomes forlorn for suspecting her.

After all this hum di dum drama-shama, Bharat turns over a new leaf and co-operates with authorities to nail Vijay Kapoor, who has planned operation Red Rose to assassinate the Prime Minister. Brother Balaram and Ms. Torn Jeans both die helping Bharat Bhai.

Fee fi fo fum…I smell the blood of a dead scum…Vijay Kapoor is surrounded by the policia and has no place to go. He shoots his wife instead of Bharat and kills her before he blows himself up. The government is ever so thankful of Bharat for saving the Prime Minister of India.

Here are some of the cheesy dialogues which are repeated over and over again by some of the characters a la Mogambo style throughout the movie– ‘Mogambo Khush Hua’

1) Prem Chopra aka Sadhuram is a peon at the Ministry - ‘Isme mein bhi ek point hai’

2) Satish Shah – Bharat’s immediate boss - ‘Hindi mein bolo’

3) Om Shivpuri aka Jindal - ‘Beauty, Beauty, Beauty- Sweety, Sweety, Sweety’ (I kinda liked it…so poetic..)

What a thing to remind someone? eh?

Sister Tulsi with the gangster

Whoopee Doo……

I have used antonyms Bada and Chota in one single sentence,

I am so intelligent

Bharat with elder brother Ram..

Instead bashing his skull and running for her life,

this woman is inviting him over to meet her mother..

Pooja- the gymnastics seductress with father Jindal….

Even though the movie has all capable and popular actors…the story and the dialogues can only give them so much leg room for artistic output. It feels, as though the actors were held at gun point and forcibly made to act in the movie. The songs are passable except for ‘Kadam Kadam Badhaeja khushi ke geet gayeja‘ which is wonderful. Manoj Kumar as Bharat grates on your nerves with his typical histrionics and his well fed frame, belies the fact that he is from a poor family. Rather, the entire family looks well fed and healthy when they are supposed to be shown as being hungry for many days. The heroines are attracted to a man wearing a bad wig, torn clothes and zero personality which is completely unbelievable.

This movie is disjointed and fractured, it feels like a collage made by a person who has taken a high dosage of hallucinogens. The director who gave us super hits like ‘Upkaar’ and ‘Roti, Kapda aur Makan’ had lost his magic touch in this movie. You see the movie with the hope of catching the glimmer of art you had expected from such a renowned director. Each scene from this movie is a gem in itself and the transition from one scene to another is like taking a bumpy ride in an auto rickshaw on a potholed street. Even before your innards can recover from one violent jerk, you are already assaulted by another one. The entire movie feels as if the director is flogging a horse which died from laughing too hard as the first scene rolled out on the screen.

Director: Manoj Kumar

Writer: Manoj Kumar

Cast : Manoj Kumar – Bharat

Ashok Kumar- Pitaji

Rajendra Kumar- Khan

Rekha- Sneh (Old Flame)

Anita Raj- Pooja – Gymnastics babe

Mohammad Ali- Ram

Zeba- Mrs. Hooky/ blood seller

Rajiv Goswami- Balaram

Sonu Walia- Ms. Torn Jeans aka Sonu

Prem Chopra- Sadhuram

Satish Shah- Sharma – Bharat’s immediate boss

Sonika Gill- Tulsi

Om Shivpuri- Jindal

Dina Pathak- Bharat’s Mommy

Genre: Clueless or maybe Comedy

Rating: Not to be missed. Must be seen at least once.

P.S: To read posts by other members of the Wordsworth Legion in the Super 3 Round, see here: Shilpa, Pujitha, Smitha, Tavish, Kshitij, Parth and Hitesh.

Winner of Caption Contest 9

2010-07-11T13:32:00.002+01:00

I am sorry friends for not responding to your comments on my posts. I am quite tied up with packing and will read all your wonderful posts once I have safely landed in India. Thanks for being patient.

This is caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

The winner of the 9th edition of the caption contest are :

1) Hayaah: "Oh Boy! That's definitely not gonna dry when we land!"

2) Nalini: "I see dead people"

Congratulations !!!

Please drop me a mail at and I will mail you the trophy.

Hope to see you all this Wednesday for another round of Caption Contest.

I am leaving on a Jet Plane

2010-07-08T00:33:00.001+01:00

It is time for change and time for a new beginning. Time to pack up the whole house and move back home to India. In a week’s time I would be sitting in a Jet Plane flying back home with Hubs by my side. Right now, I am sitting squashed between mounds of clothes and the sharp book ends and knick-knacks lying around are digging into my posterior.

I have tons of stuff to pack and do a lot of scrubbing and cleaning, all that work has put me over the edge. I swear, I have just 2 strands of hair left on my head..rest are all lying scattered as I have been pulling at them in frustration.

Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time?

I guess its possible…I felt somewhat similar when my eldest sister got married and left for Mumbai and I finally got Mom and Dad all to myself…

This is the longest I have stayed in one town, the longest in any single home and the longest at any job (after marriage) hence I am feeling a bit wistful. But I am happy too, I am excited and thrilled to meet my family and friends after a long gap of three years…I am excited to see how much India has grown and progressed. I am scared too…(I know you’re thinking, Oh lord..this woman just cannot make up her mind about how she feels)…mainly because I feel I will need to learn a lot of new things and unlearn a lot of things. Having been cut off from India, the image of India in my mind is of how it was 3 years ago.

Things I will need to learn and unlearn…

1) Stop smiling at strangers on the street ( I am not loony) : Zephyr’s post is enough of a warning ..she has found out that people do not return her smile.

2) You cannot hop skip and jump on the pavement/footpath while listening to Music: Most times there won’t be a footpath

3) People honking the horns of their vehicles as if their life depended on it is an everyday norm.

4) No need to wash any utensils, the maid will help you out in that chore..yipeeeeee

5) No more ironing of clothes…double yippee (I hate this chore)

6) ‘Mitti ki Bhini Bhini Khushboo’ (Smell of damp earth after the rains) yummy…missed it so much.

7) Garam Garam Phulkas – Maa ke Hath ka Khana (Mom’s Cooking)

8) No sweaters, jackets and boots- Hello dust and pollution…

9) Shops are open till late and do not close at 5 pm.

10) Restaurants will serve authentic Indian Food…dying to bite into a Rossogulla (Indian Sweet).

11) Will not look forward to Summer anymore..but look forward to Winter.

12) Get used to the sound of fans whirring overhead and dispelling air around.

13) No need to shut windows and check if they are locked each night before going to bed.

14) Wear open toed sandals, no socks…cracked heels.

15) Cheaper haircuts, facials and manicure- I am loving it…

16) Too many people….claustrophobic…

17) Yummy roadside food…

18) Meeting friends…

19) Jobless…for the time being…

20) Mosquitoes.

21) Vehicles will not stop for you when you want to cross the road.

22) Cannot curse in Hindi…everyone knows the language :)

23) Milkman, laundry Man, Maid…everyone ringing your doorbell (I actually did not miss this in UK, it was a pleasant change).

24) No need to use the dryer to dry clothes..just hang them on a line…

25) The most important – Meeting family…and getting pampered by parents and in-laws.

I guess, the list is endless..

My heart is heavy too…I am saying goodbye to people who have been kind and generous to me. They have been like a family in this far off place and I will miss them. I will never forget the lessons life taught me in this country and helped to become a person I am today.

There's nothing that's so final about leaving
Even though I know that's what you've heard
Just like forgive, forget and try again
Goodbye is just another word.
- Lobo

Caption Contest 9 ‘You think you are Funny?’

2010-07-07T00:01:00.001+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

Please write a caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Winner of Caption Contest 8

2010-07-04T00:01:00.001+01:00

This is caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

The winner of the 8th edition of the caption contest are :

1) Rosebelle : “Super hero and super broke, hope no one sees me doing this...”

2) Laxmi Gopa : "You think crime doesn't pay - well neither does crime fighting."

Congratulations !!!

Please drop me a mail at and I will mail you the trophy.

Hope to see you all this Wednesday for another round of Caption Contest.

Things I learnt from Google and Facebook Chat

2010-07-02T11:53:00.002+01:00

Online Chatting is like having a conversation with someone.There is same amount of investment of emotions, time and instead of voice you are belting out your thoughts on the chat window through a keyboard. Just like in a face to face chat there are some etiquettes and rules which need to be kept in mind on an online chat.

When I first started chatting way back in 2000, there were very few people who were into chatting and the people on my chat list was less than 10. The only person I chatted with on a regular basis at that time was my older sister who was living in USA. We did not need to follow any particular etiquettes, neither did we know any acronyms like LOL’s or ROFL. But we had fun chats which felt like actual conversations, we fought, laughed and shared our life.

These days with the explosion of internet in every corner of the world, my chat list is bursting at the seams. The rules have changed and chat etiquettes have been forgotten. Over the years, I have seen people bend rules and forget the basic rules of any conversation.

These are some of the things I learnt over the years from google and facebook chat sessions:

1) I am so busy: It is fashionable these days not to respond immediately to anyone’s ping for an online chat. Take your time to answer when someone pings you, especially when you want to show the attitude ‘I am so busy’. This is especially irritating for others when your status says you are available to chat.

2) Not to update status: Be online on Gmail/Facebook/Yahoo and let your status declare to the world that you are as free as a bird. When someone pings you, you answer ‘In a meeting/training, cannot chat’. Let the other person feel like a fool for trying to start a conversation with you. After the meeting ignore the person who pinged you earlier, no need to offer an apology, if he wants to be in touch that sucker will ping again.

3) Chat Requests: Send chat invites to people but do not bother to connect with them even once after they have accepted your request. If you ignore them, it shows your superiority.

4) No Sorry No Goodbye: When someone is chatting with you and you are bored , just stop answering, the person on the other end will wait for sometime for your response and then give up. Let him get pissed off, you can always give the excuse that you suddenly got so busy that you did not even have time to say goodbye(The same person is on your Facebook friends list and even if he/she can see that you have been uploading YouTube videos instead of completing the chat), it is just your choice you have no time or interest in other persons feelings. Saying sorry if you need to step away or goodbye when you end a conversation are all useless etiquettes.

5) Never ever be the first to ping someone, especially a friend you have lost touch with, cause that will show that you are so needy. It shows you have nothing better to do than disturbing people who are so busy and hard at work to have a friendly chat.

6) Block off people you don’t like, but you can always unblock them when you want their help. After all everybody is selfish, you can be too.

7) Going in an offline mode or putting your status as busy when you do not want to be disturbed is so not fashionable. People will understand on their own when you do not respond and will not ping you again.

8) If you accidently get logged off mid conversation, you can conveniently forget that the other person is still waiting for your response and move on to updating twitter or watching a YouTube video. Especially when the other person is sharing a problem with you and you have to actually read it, also when you do not get a chance to turn the conversation in your direction and make the other person listen to your problems.

9) You can completely ignore people you do not want to have a conversation with or if you are in a bad mood.

10) If you are pissed off about something the other person said use words like ‘Dude’, ‘Lady’ or ‘Babes’ and then verbally beat the crap out of them. These words all make it sound so nice and cultured.

I face such people on chat nearly everyday and I am left wondering ‘How can these people forget basic courtesy?’.

The thing is to remember that you can be as crude and rude as you want to be on a chat, after all the person on the other end is far far away and cannot show his anger or shout back at you.

There are absolutely no rules to follow and if someone gets offended he can very well go fly a kite. Who needs real breathing humans with emotions as friends when you can be happy tending to your virtual farm/fish/cafe and updating your facebook status with philosophical proverbs or stalk people on Facebook.

P.S: Please feel free to add to this list if I might have missed something. It could become a guide for newbie chat users.

I have written this post in jest. This is not targeted at any particular person. If you feel bad that you have done these things to me on chat you can purge yourself by tweeting this post :P

Caption Contest 8 ‘You think you are Funny?’

2010-06-30T00:01:00.003+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’

Please write a caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Rise and Fall

2010-06-28T08:34:00.002+01:00

The Bleeding Heart

2010-06-28T00:01:00.002+01:00

This post has been published by me as a team member of The Wordsworth Legions for the SUPER 4 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

“My heart is thudding in my chest but I know I should remain strong but I am scared of dying.

My name is Nilufar Gholami, I am Karimi Gholami’s daughter and today is my last day on earth. I will be executed under Sharia law for committing adultery. All the people from my village in this great country ‘Iran’ with gather to see me die. I have committed no crime but yet I will be punished for it. The village council and Judge Rashidi have declared the sentence of ‘Death by Stoning’. My father wishes to save the family’s honor by sacrificing my life as he is ashamed of me.

I was kidnapped and raped by Saeed, my own brother-in-law as he was not happy with my sister . My father was angry with me, as I have tainted the family name, he beat me up and I begged him for forgiveness. I said I was sorry for what had happened and accepted my mistake. My father appealed to the village council to have me stoned to death for committing adultery. Saeed was awarded 200 lashes for his crime”.

As I listen to Nilufar’s story, I can feel my eyes moistening. My chador is wet with the tears that continue to fall unabated. Her story is heart wrenching and I have no power to change her fate and save her. Women in my country have no rights, they are worse off than animals. I have come to the village of ‘Shraza which is 200 kilometres from ‘Qom’ in Iran, to meet Nilufar, when I came to know of her. This small village with a population of just 150 people is getting ready for one of the biggest events they have seen in recent times. There is a kind of urgency and cruel passion which I can see in the eyes of men who have judged Nilufar’s fate.

Nilufars’s mother Farzana came in the room wiping her nose on her chador. She started combing Nilufar’s hair to tame the unruly mane, I could see that her eyes are red and her hands are shaking as she combs her daughter’s hair. She smiles and scolds her daughter as if they are bantering about normal everyday house work.

I stepped out of the room to give mother and daughter some private moments before the unspeakable crime is to take place. In the courtyard, I see that women from the entire village have gathered to show their support and sympathy. They know that their own life is not theirs but is owned by their fathers,brothers, husbands, sons and other male members of their family. I see my aunt sitting with them, her eyes are closed and she seems to be praying.

I am bound to these women by culture and religion. My own upbringing has been liberal and I am married to a man who believes in Women's Rights as much as I do. I am an activist for women’s rights and we are fighting against religious fundamentalism in Iran. The struggle is an uphill battle against corrupt judiciary and the stern patriarchal society.

The door opened and Farzana stepped out of the room covering her head with the chador. Nilufar is wearing a beautiful blue Shalwar Kameez with embroidered sleeves. Her face is radiant but her eyes are swollen because of crying. She is holding her mother’s hand as she steps out of the house. The women follow them on the street like a sea of black chadors. I am walking with Farzana and Nilufar as they head towards the centre of the village. All along the road, men, young and old have lined up to celebrate the spectacle of death.
The crowd moves at a languorous pace through the lanes lined by stone houses on both sides and stops when we reach the village mosque. I see a few men standing on the steps of the mosque and I can hear a few stifled sobs behind me.

A man in a black suit with a beard speaks up, he says ‘Nilufar Gholami, we have received a complaint from your father Karimi Gholami that you have committed ‘Zina’ under ‘Hudud’ ordinance of Sharia Law. We have four witnesses who have seen you commit this terrible act. The witnesses are your father, your brother, your uncle and your cousin. Hence, by the power vested in me as a judge of this village and the head of council, you are hereby sentenced to death by stoning. Do you have anything you wish to say?”

Nilufar stared at her father with anger and betrayal in her eyes, she kept quiet but held on to her mothers hand. I could hear the other women sobbing behind me and I saw Farzana hugging her daughter and I heard her say ‘Be strong my darling, Jannat awaits you’. My heart is galloping and I am choked up with unshed tears, words fail me and I just give Nilufar a tight hug. When death is imminent, would any words I say make a difference ?

Two men approach Nilufar and drag her away from her mother. They tie her hands behind her back and walk her to the village centre. Farzana looks pale and feverish and I am afraid that she will faint any moment. One of the women is holding her as they walk with the crowd. I can see that there is excitement in the air, it feels as if a carnival has come to the Village. The boys have never seen a stoning before and are excited, they do not understand the gravity of the situation.

We all come to a halt in front of a huge pile of stones.I know the law states that “size of stone should not be large enough to kill the person by one or two strikes, nor should they be so small that they could not be defined as stones". I see boys and men picking up stones in both hands and weighing them by bouncing them up and down. I can see that a small pit has been dug up, some meters away from the stone pile. All the while I feel I have been caught in a nightmare and all this will disappear once I open my eyes.

Nilufar has a resigned look on her face. She cries out ‘I love you Mama’ before her voice is cut off. She is wrapped up tightly in a white sheet which covers her from head to her waist and is made to stand in the pit. We can now see her from chest up with a white cloth covering her face. The men fill up the pit and now Nilufar looks like a ghost stuck in the earth.

I am standing next to the wailing women. There is chatter in the air and Judge Rashidi starts the proceeding by throwing the first stone. It bounces off harmlessly and does not reach Nilufar. I can see Karimi Gholami standing ramrod straight with a proud look on his face. A youngish chap hurls the next stone which hits Nilufar and I can hear her muffled cry. Farzana faints and all of us rush to her side. I can now hear the persistent cries of Nilufar as the stones find their mark and draw blood from the fragile flesh. We carry Farzana to a nearby house to revive her, we pour water on her face and she opens her eyes.

I leave Farzana with the other women and rush back to the scene of the crime. The sight which meets my eyes is one which will remain imprinted on my brain for my entire life. I can see that the white sheet has turned completely red, there are stones coated with blood lying all around and the figure under the sheet is lifeless and quiet. The crowd has thinned and only the over zealous are still pelting stones at the lifeless figure. My stomach heaves and I vomit after I see this gruesome picture. I run back to Farzana with tears down my eyes and sobs pounding my throat, I seek out my aunt and cry in her arms. I cry till my tears run dry and there is nothing left in me. Another innocent is dead.

Once upon a time my country ‘Persia’, was the centre of culture and art , it was world famous for its language, it is one of the oldest continuous civilization. Now ‘Iran’, is famous for its religious fundamentalism and crime against women. The world looks on mute as more and more people die for committing minor offences in my country. the life of a woman is of no value.

My heart fills with rage and sorrow and only questions remain… When will this brutality end? When will people realize that stoning anyone to death is a crime? When will they stop hiding behind religion to commit these heinous acts?

All I am left with is this quote :

“Don’t act like the hypocrite
Who thinks he can conceal his wiles
While loudly quoting the Koran.”
-Hafez, 14th Century Iranian Poet.

Authors Note:
This is a work of fiction. I have drawn from many resources while writing this story.

Zina in Islam is extramarital sex and premarital sex. Islamic law prescribes punishments for Muslim men and women for the act of Zina.

In Islamic law or Sharia, hudud usually refers to the class of punishments that are fixed for certain crimes that are considered to be "claims of God." They include theft, fornication, consumption of alcohol, and apostasy.

A chādor or chādar is an outer garment or open cloak worn by many Iranian women in public spaces; it is one possible way in which a Muslim woman may follow the Islamic dress code known as ḥijāb. A chador is a full-length semicircle of fabric open down the front, which is thrown over the head and held closed in front. It has no hand openings or closures but is held shut by the hands or by wrapping the ends around the waist.

Stoning people to death is a crime against humanity. It still happens in many Islamic countries all around the globe under the guise of religion. In most of these cases the victim is a woman whose human and civil rights are violated and she never receives a fair trial. India has a a different version of crime against women in the form of ‘Honor Killings’.
‘Amnesty International’ and ‘Stop Stoning’ are working since many years in raising awareness about Human rights violations and violence against women.

To read posts by other members of the Wordsworth Legion in the Super 4 Round, see here: Shilpa, Pujitha, Smitha, Tavish, Kshitij, Parth and Hitesh.

Winner of Caption Contest 7

2010-06-27T11:49:00.000+01:00

Thank you for your Captions. I loved them all...but could only chose a couple of them.
The winners for the 7th edition are:

1) Journomuse : Sarkozy to Obama: Well done, now you have learnt the Art of Peek-a-boo...bbbbb(oops no)bummmmm!!

2) Tavish : Sarkozy to himself: heeheehee looks like I influenced the world's most influential person.

Congratulations!!!

I am so pleased to give away this trophy to you.

Thank you all for participating and hope to see you this Wednesday for the next edition.

Men are from Mars and Women want to be on Mars

2010-06-25T21:43:00.001+01:00

I am at such an age in life where the best pastime possible is to crib about your better half with your close girl-friends. It is a sort of camaraderie which binds most married girlfriends. We discuss ‘almost’ everything with each other (Sex and the city was right about that) right from ‘issues with the maid’, ‘rising cost of living’, ‘recipes’ and ‘movies’ but ‘Crib about Hubby’ still being the best seller. The topic of discussion keeps changing as we enter into every new phase of our life.

I grew up surrounded by girl friends who were not too keen on discussing boys, they were more interested in movies, books and just having a good time. Not that I did not have my mandatory crushes or was not observant about ‘good looking’ chaps in college. But I was not the stereotypical giggling girl who would nudge her girlfriend whenever the heart throb of college passed by.

Then came the newly married phase when love and passion is in the air and your other half is the centre of your life and you are his. This phase passes very smoothly, you rejoice and actually start believing that miracles do happen and you are married to one. As the years pass by, you do see minor cracks in the facade and then realization dawns on you, you married a human being and just like you he too has little dents and scratches in his armor. The things you thought as sweet and adorable don’t seem so sweet and adorable now. Practical life picks you up by the scruff of your neck and shakes you so hard that the rainbow tinted glasses slip from your eyes. You try to patch up the armor , remove the dents and all this ends up in a lot of Nagging.

At this stage girlfriends come to your rescue, some things you cannot communicate with your better half. She acts as a buffer and helps you vent out your feelings and in one way shields your better half from harsh words and temporary anger.

The other day when I was chatting with a girlfriend about housework, we both ended up coming to the same conclusion. Husbands never realize that wives keep doing so many odd chores around the house which they never realize are to be done in the first place.

1) Washing Machine, Refrigerator, Microwave need to be cleaned on a regular basis. They do not clean themselves automatically.

2) Washed laundry needs to be folded and put away.

3) The soap dish needs regular cleaning else the leftover soap sticks to the soap dish with vengeance.

4) The drainer next to the sink also needs to be cleaned up or it gets slimy.
5) The shower head needs cleaning regularly.

6) The shower curtain needs to be washed often.

7) The bathroom mirrors need to be scrubbed, the medicine cabinet needs to be wiped down.

8) Endless surfaces in the house are magnets for dust and cobwebs.

9) Kitchen cabinet handles get sticky and need to be wiped clean.

10) Anything spilled does not evaporate but needs to be wiped down.

I hope you got the drift, as the list is endless.

Are men genetically programmed not to notice the dust on tabletops, the oily sheen on the wall over the stove and to leave their shoes at odd places all over the house?

I know that men too do many chores but they will never deviate from the designated chores. They will stick to the chores and will only do extra stuff when they are pushed into doing them.

This brought me to the following questions. Are women genetically programmed to burden themselves with housework? Do they get programmed since childhood into donning the apron just because they have seen their mothers do it? Do women get pressurized and bow down to housework to please their in-laws and husbands?

I feel all women need to change their mindset and learn to stop taking guilt trips on account of housework. Men never seem to go on such trips, they are blissfully unawares and are at peace. It is time we learnt their secret.

If Men are from Mars it is time women immigrated to Mars as living on Venus is no longer good for their sanity.

Snooze Button

2010-06-24T16:57:00.000+01:00

Every morning, most of us lift our head up from the pillow, wipe the drool from our cheek, sneak out a hand from under the covers to shut the insistent chirping of the infernal machine, the morning alarm. The extra 10 minutes after pressing the Snooze button is like manna, it is the best sleep we have ever had till the alarm rudely points out again that you need to get up.

If you are like my hubs, you will not hear the alarm even if the volume of the chirping has reached deafening proportions. I have to poke him in the ribs to make him stop the racket. He will give me a look as if I have lost it and slowly reach out to shut the alarm. After the noise has stopped, hubs will turn and curl himself up and fall in deep slumber. As for me, I am left trying to lure back the wonderful dream which was rudely disrupted.

I lie in bed, tossing and turning to find a comfortable position so that I could resume my dream. But now, sleep has evaporated and my bladder gives me a signal that it is at a bursting stage and something needs to be done fast or there could be an accident. I don’t scare easily and ignore the warnings, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. My bladder is not giving up without a fight and the persistent spasms make it inevitable that I have to bow down and run to the loo. What is with women and bladders? It is as if the older we grow our bladders shrink in size.

After this tussle, it is pointless to reclaim the lost sleep and I trundle off to make coffee and remove the cobwebs from my brain. As I am making coffee, the snooze button on hubs phone chirps again, by now my patience has been stretched thin and I go and rouse hubs. After the alarm has been finally shut off, hubby will ask me to wake him after thirty minutes. I say yes but inside I am seething and I feel like pulling back the covers and screaming ‘I never wanted to get up early in the first place, you set the alarm and now you get to sleep while I am up’. Life is surely unfair….

While growing up, during exam time, my older sister and I would decide to get up early in the morning to study. I would be wide awake and would end up waking her after every few minutes and she would be requesting ‘Just ten minutes more and I promise I will get up’.
I feel like a human snooze button and every time without fail I do my duty of waking people up. I envy people who can fall back to sleep so easily and quickly even after their sleep has been disrupted. I cannot do it even if I try so hard. My mind is filled up with thoughts the moment my eyes open and I start planning the day ahead, I am charged up and then I cannot fall back to sleep.

I am sure one of these days I am going to throw Hubs mobile out of the window in a fit of anger.

How many of you use the snooze button on your Mobile phone or Alarm Clock each morning?

I bet, most of you would be grinning and nodding your head in agreement.

Caption Contest 7 ‘You think you are Funny?’

2010-06-23T00:01:00.001+01:00

This is a caption contest ‘You think you are funny?’
Please write a caption for the picture below

All the Best.

P.S: For those people who would like to know the rules, please check here.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

2010-06-21T20:15:00.000+01:00

Many girls while growing up imitate their mothers. The girl will dress up in her mothers' clothes, use her makeup, wear her jewelry and of course try to walk in her shoes. My eldest sister did all these requisite things. We have black and white photos of her wearing 'Aai's' (Mother) Georgette saris complete with Bindi and the works. I was never fascinated about wearing a sari or Bindis. Even now, these things don't entice me.

I had thought, Whew! I narrowly escaped from 'Imitating Mommy' syndrome. But yesterday, as I was rinsing out the shampoo bottle to use the last dregs sticking at the bottom before I threw the bottle away, I experienced epiphany. Damn! Cut my head off and feed it to the vultures, I am my Mother.

I am doing the exact same thing my mother does. All my attempts at trying to be different from my mother have not worked. It is, as if after the age of 30, a dormant gene in my body has suddenly taken a life of its own and is commanding me to do the same things my mother does. And that too the same things I had scoffed at, some 15 years back.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I respect her. She is a strong woman and a kind person. I would not want anyone else as my mother (this is for those people, who were ready to pounce on me with their harsh comments). My mom was raised in a lower middle class family and so was my father. They got married when there was extreme rationing because of war. They have always been thrifty throughout their lives. That is the way they were brought up and so that is the way they are. All said and done, secretly all daughters want to be as different as possible from their mothers.

My mother reuses milk poly bags after she has thoroughly washed them. She uses the bags to pack assorted items while traveling or for packing my lunch. I used to feel ashamed to use the bags when I was younger. Now, I realize that it is so good for the planet, since she is reusing the bags several times. I have started reusing plastic boxes of ice cream or takeout food containers. I use them to store pasta, sugar and other such items.

I have started collecting rubber bands, pieces of satin ribbons and gift wrapping paper. If you peek under my mattress, you will find a layer of shiny, new plastic shopping bags from assorted stores. I have a whole collection of them from places I have shopped from, I fold them and lovingly tuck them under the mattress for later use.

As a teenager, I felt, it was so miserly to squeeze out every last molecule from a tube of toothpaste. Not so any more. If it would have been possible I would have torn apart the tube and licked off the toothpaste. I have not tried this yet, cause hubs will not take kindly to such behavior.

These days, I always try to find the cheapest place to buy groceries and vegetables, even if it means walking that extra mile. Gone are the days when I thought of convenience over cost.

I think it is a waste of electricity and money to keep lights switched on in passageways. I get anxious quite fast and check all the windows to see if they are locked before I step out of the house or before I sleep. I also check the gas knobs to see that they are shut properly every night.

In recent years, I have become interested in cooking (I just bit my tongue), I cook various dishes, experiment and even enjoy it to some extent. Cooking was always my nemesis but these days I find it therapeutic and this is the scariest change I have ever seen in myself. It is actually bizarre for me to accept it ( I am sure, my sisters just fainted after reading this and so did Mom).

They say (Don't ask me who 'they' is, I have no clue) women start behaving like their mothers, the older they grow. I have seen these signs in my eldest sister since the past few years. My older sister, though not there yet is also showing some signs just like me. The day I start talking about random stuff and hopping from topic to topic at break neck speed, that will be the day I have completed the transformation.

'The apple does not fall far from the tree'

Do you feel that you have grown up to be like your Mother/Father?

P.S: Call me a cheapskate if you want…I am proud of it.

Winner of Caption Contest 6 ‘You think you are funny?

2010-06-20T00:01:00.001+01:00

Thank you for your Captions. It was quite difficult to choose the winners :)

The winners for the 6th edition are:

1) Smitha : Just what we need on a hot afternoon, cool water lapping at our feet, and our favourite soap on tv!

2) The Holy Lama : Family wet together

Congratulations!!!

I am so pleased to give away this trophy to you.

Thank you all for participating and hope to see you this Wednesday for the next edition.

What’s in a name, you say?

2010-06-18T00:01:00.009+01:00

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

These famous lines by Shakespeare have been repeated many times by many people when they screw up your name and then instead of saying ‘Sorry’, give you this statement very cheekily.

Now,It is time to come out of the closet…

Dang..you people have a one track mind…I meant come out and declare my name in public and not what you thought.

All this while I have been writing under the name ‘Lazy Pineapple’ and will continue to do so…but many of you are curious to know my real name and some of you actually do know it. Then again, those who know my name manage to screw it up…And I mean royally. My parents will cringe when they come to know of this fallacy.

My real name is Vinita (which means Humble), V I N I T A and not Vineeta, Vinuta, Vineetha, Vinitha or Vineta. Most people end up up calling me Vineeta which again is not my name, even if it seems like my name. Its so easy to write my name..even westerners can pronounce this Sanskrit name with ease.

Ok, now I have managed to piss off most of you…let me talk about something else.

Most parents these days try to name their children with unique names which makes them stand out from the crowd. When my sister delivered twins, she decided to name her kids with names which cannot be twisted to sound like something perverse or something which rhymes with a a human body part. You see, she lives in USA and kids there are quite creative when it comes to bullying in school.

In a race to be as unique and as cuckoo as possible, Hollywood celebrities take the cake. They are trying to outdo each other when it comes naming their children with absolutely ludicrous names. Here are a few examples:

1) Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow named their daughter ‘Apple’- what gives?? I thought of all the jokes about Apples and I feel so darn sorry for the Kid.

2) Sylvester Stallone’s daughter is called ‘Sage Moon Blood’- I am speechless…sounds like a vampires name.

3) Another Celebrity, Frank Zappa, all his children have bizarre names- Moon Unit, Dweezil, Diva Muffin, Ahmet Emuukkha Rodan – SOB!

Imagine having a name like Moon Unit or Diva Muffin…my name sounds so ordinary :P in comparison..

4) Jaimie Oliver the celebrated British chef has named his daughters Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela and Petal Blossom Rainbow- Argggggghhh!!!

5) Steven Spielberg has named is son ‘Destry’- seems like a cross between destiny and trying - What wonderful creativity…

6) If you are flat out of names, just name your child ‘Kyd’…and that is what David Duchovny (X files) and Tea Leoni did - How inspiring :)

Pilot Inspektor, Satchel, Moxie Crimefighter, Zolten, Seven Sirius, Puma, Mars, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, Pixie and Bluebell Madonna. These are some more celebrity baby names.

I feel that the celebrities try to project all their quirkiness and personalities by naming their children with such bizarre names. With such names the kids are bound to need tonnes of therapy, after being bullied at school. Its a good thing that their parents earn money by the truckload.

P.S:Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet meet and fall in love in Shakespeare's lyrical tale of "star-crossed" lovers. They are doomed from the start as members of two warring families. Here Juliet tells Romeo that a name is an artificial and meaningless convention, and that she loves the person who is called "Montague", not the Montague name and not the Montague family. Romeo, out of his passion for Juliet, rejects his family name and vows, as Juliet asks, to "deny (his) father" and instead be "new baptized" as Juliet's lover. This one short line encapsulates the central struggle and tragedy of the play.

Caption Contest 6 ‘You think you are funny?’

2010-06-16T00:01:00.002+01:00

The Stork – An English Inn

2010-06-15T00:01:00.001+01:00

Today Hubs and I decided to eat out, no special day and nothing was planned, it was just a spur of the moment thing. Lancaster, where I live, is a quaint British town and has a limited choice of Restaurants. We have actually covered most places in the past three years. Today, we decided to travel on the road less travelled and drove into rural Lancashire for a bite to eat.

We ended up at ‘The Stork’ , an old charming English Inn in the village of Conder Green a few miles from Lancaster. The inn has been there for centuries, at least since 1660, when it had a thatched roof. The current name dates from the 19th Century, as storks appear on the family crest of the then-owners of the estate.

The view is of countryside with grasslands as far as the eye can see, sprinkled liberally with farm animals like sheep and horses. It is peaceful and a perfect setting for winding down after a work day.
We reached the pub when it was relatively quiet, soon the regulars to the pub could bee seen crowding near the Bar and sipping on cider and ales.
We ordered at the Bar and took a table opposite the Bar. The pub is typically English with lots of wooden beams and tables. It is dimly lit, but the summer light filtering through the windows was bright enough. We decided against sitting out as the air was a bit chilly and it is no fun eating your food while shivering.

With the World Cup in the air, the inn had south African cuisine which we decided to order. Hubs went for a dish called Sosaties and a diet coke. I went for a Lancashire Chicken and a glass of white wine, ‘Pinot Grigio’ (I love dry wines which are not too sweet).
The food arrived in a matter of minutes and it looked delicious.

Hubby’s dish reminded me of skewered kebabs with a side dish of potato and peas and rocket salad.
Feast Your eyes people.

My dish turned out to be a piece of Chicken breast wrapped in Bacon, drizzled with a creamy cheese sauce accompanied by new potatoes and spinach. Yummy.

We had a lovely meal and thoroughly enjoyed the food. Though I am not a fan of British food, the food at 'The Stork' was one of the best I have ever had. The service was good and ambience was nice and quiet (I guess because we were there on a Monday evening).

P.S: I decided to click pictures after we had already started digging in, so you might see some portion of the food missing in the pictures :)

Divine Prostitution

2010-06-14T00:01:00.003+01:00

This post has been published by me as a team member of The Wordsworth Legions for the SUPER 5 round of Bloggers Premier League (BPL) – The first ever unique, elite team blogging event of blog world. To catch the BPL action and also be part of future editions and other contests, visit and register at Cafe GingerChai

Anjamma looked at her daughter Kaveri with a mixture of pain and relief as she bathed her in the river water with the other women. Kaveri is just 10 years old and is excited at the prospect of wearing new clothes and flowers in her hair.

‘Aai(Mother), when do I get to put flowers in my hair? will they be Jasmine? I love Jasmine flowers, they smell so sweet’.

‘Kaveri, hold still, let me scrub you properly, you should be pure during your marriage ceremony’.

Today, Kaveri is to be wedded to ‘Lord Khandoba’ and become a ‘Murali’, just like her mother. She is to be a servant of god and become a ‘Devadasi’. Anjamma’s family and other men and women in Jejuri have gathered for the marriage ceremony at the temple. Kaveri is dressed in ‘Parkar Polka’ (Skirt and bodice) of bright red with a zari border. There is milk, yoghurt, butter, coconuts, flowers and turmeric powder and as the priest chants mantras, Kaveri is made to stand next to the idol and people shower her with turmeric and the marriage is solemnized.

After the marriage, life is back to routine, except when Kaveri rejoins her school, her friends tease her everyday, they call her a ‘Devadasi’ and laugh at her, but she does not understand any of it. As everyday, Kaveri came back to the hut that she calls home, with sadness and confusion. The wooden door is shut and she can see an umbrella resting near the door, she can hear noises from inside the hut and she knows that ‘Sunderappa’ has come to visit her mother. Sunderappa is the moneylender and he gives money to her mother for food and clothes and visits her few times a week. There are other men from the town and surrounding villages who visit their hut throughout the day and Kaveri has to sleep on a cot in the front of the hut if there is someone with her mother in the evening. The men give her curious looks and some even try to touch her face, she ignores them and runs away if someone tries to hold her.

One day, Kaveri asked her mother
‘Aai, who is my father?, everyone has a father, who is mine?’
‘Bala (Darling Daughter), your father is Khandoba, you are the daughter of God’. Her answer left Kaveri more confused. She wanted to have a father like other children, who would spoil her with sweets and toys. Whose name she could write in the school register.

Anjamma became a ‘Murali’ when her parents offered her to Khandoba when she was just three, to bless them with a boy. They were poor dalit farmers who were barely able to survive from their farm and needed a boy to take care of them in their old age. Added to it, the burden of raising a girl in rural Maharashtra was too much for her parents to bear.
The years passed and the day Kaveri reached puberty, the wolves came knocking at the door. The baton of survival now passed on to Kaveri. Anjamma negotiated the rate of her deflowering with the men who wanted to sleep with her and sold it to the highest bidder. The age old custom continued and Kaveri followed in her Mothers footsteps.

Kaveri is dressed up in finery and flowers provided by the patron who had made the highest bidding. He has paid a handsome amount of Rupees.1000 to complete her dedication ceremony as a Devadasi. Kaveri is terrified when the fat middle aged man entered the room, she screamed with fear but was quickly subdued by the man. Her entire world came crashing down, just yesterday she was happy running behind butterflies and stealing mangoes. Her innocence got wiped away in the single act of violence. She could not understand why her mother had allowed this to happen. Kaveri is forced to join the world’s oldest profession- prostitution. The divine dedication started at the temple and ended in rape.

For Kaveri, the years passed in a daze, she stopped going to school and was now living as a concubine. She went to the temple ceremonies and danced with her mother and other muralis. Her patron, Ramesh was already married but provided for her and she was happy being with him. The day he discovered she was pregnant, Ramesh left her and stopped providing for her.

Kaveri gave birth to a baby girl and named her Radha. Different men came in her life, some were kind and some not so. Her daughter was growing everyday and was the joy of her life. Kaveri loved Radha with all her heart. She was certain that if she lived in Jejuri, her daughter’s life will follow the same path as hers and her mothers. She refused to sacrifice her daughter’s life and decided to move to Pune and stop being a Devadasi.

Kaveri got in touch with a distant relative and moved with her daughter and mother to Pune. The big city provided her with the anonymity she needed to get rid of her previous identity. She started working as a maid at an apartment building. It was hard work but she was happy to live freely again, without the shackles of the society which made selling of women under the guise of religion acceptable.

Kaveri finished her work and walked to the Anganwadi(School) where Radha was a student in kindergarten. Her eyes searched for her beautiful daughter amongst the other children. She found her daughter and Kaveri’s heart filled with pride when she heard the sweet sound of her daughters voice saying A for Apple, B for Bat.

Kaveri had broken the circle of evil, her courage and determination had stopped the Baton of survival. She had stopped the malignant cancer of Divine Prostitution from poisoning her daughters life.

Authors Note: Jejuri is a small town near Pune famous for the temple of Lord Khandoba.
Devadasi (देवदासी) originally described a Hindu religious practice in which girls were "married" and dedicated to a deity (deva or devi). In addition to taking care of the temple and performing rituals, they learned and practiced Bharatanatyam and other classical Indian arts traditions and enjoyed a high social status. In recent times they have been associated with Prostitution. The definition has gone over a transformation in the past few centuries with changes in social, economic and political ideologies. As they lost their patronage, these women had no means to support themselves and had to move towards prostitution for earning a living. Many states in India have made it illegal for women to be offered as servants of god but the customs still continue. It requires a concentrated effort on the part of the government to rehabilitate these women and put stringent efforts to curb from more lives being destroyed.

Image source: Wikepedia

To read posts by other members of the Wordsworth Legion in the Super 5 Round, see here: Shilpa, Pujitha, Smitha, Tavish, Kshitij, Parth and Hitesh.

Winner of Caption Contest 5

2010-06-13T00:01:00.001+01:00

Thank you for your Captions. All of them were hilarious.

The winners of the 5h Edition are :

Aparna: What does he hope to find? The diamonds are in the mines dammit.

Meira : LION: "Damn! She's looking away! I wonder what she thinks of me now.

Congratulations!!!

I am so pleased to give away this trophy to you Girls :)

Thank you all for participating and hope to see you this Wednesday for the next edition.