Lead, Follow, or Get Out of My Head

The Ichthuses and the Hockey Players

2011-03-03T00:24:00.001-05:00

Two conversations I have had with Palmer recently.

Yesterday

P: What are those fish for? (Pointing at a conversion van with 9 ichthuses on the back. There's a reason they had a conversion van.)
Me: They are trying to tell people that they love Jesus.

Today

P: What are those three things for? (Pointing at three hockey player silhouettes on the back of a car.)
Me: They are trying to tell people that their kids play hockey.
P: And that they love Jesus.
Me: No, the fish are what people use to tell other people they love Jesus.
P: Oh, but we don't have any fish on our car.
Me: Well, we don't use fish to let people know that. We let them know that by the way we treat them. We love them.
P: Yeah, because we love Jesus and he loves them, too.

It blew me away.

Halloween 2010: Follow-up

2010-11-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

Tonight was an enlightening experience.

First off, if Halloween is on a school night, you better be ready for trick or treaters at dusk. Tonight, I was in a race with the sun. Daylight was fading, we were trying to get our kids ready to go out, I was trying to grill some burgers, I was trying to get my cooler and chairs set up in the driveway, and kids were already out looking for candy.

Eventually, we got Kim and the kids off and I was able to focus on the task at hand. I spent right at two hours outside in the driveway. Here are a few observations from the evening:

We need more Halloween decorations. I had our three pumpkins lit up, which garnered some compliments, even though they have shriveled up some, but that's about the extent of our decorations. There are a couple house that I could see from the driveway that had really done it up. My hope is to add a little flare next year and spooky the place up a little. I might even invest in some Halloween sounds to play.

It would be a lot more fun to hand out candy with another person. The kids sort of came in waves. In between waves, it would have been nice to have had someone else there to hang out with. I did have one neighbor say that she should send her husband up to hang out with me. he was at home alone handing out candy, too.

If a kid is over three, you have to give them the candy, or they will try to take it all. I almost had to force some of the little kids to take more than one piece of candy. The big ones I had to cutoff. I can't believe the lack of utilitarianism exhibited by eight year olds.

It get's cold at night. My hope next year is to have a fire pit to sit next to as I hand out candy and drinks. This might add to the spookaciouness and it will keep me warm. Plus, who doesn't like fire.

People seemed taken aback by the idea of me giving them a beverage. Generally, after I would give the kids candy, I would ask the adults if they wanted something to drink. Some of the reactions to that question were funny. It was like I had asked them if they wanted to smell my shoe, or something. I ended up putting together a sales pitch. "Would you like something to drink. I have candy for the kids and sodas and water for the adults. [Open cooler.]" I probably had 40 kids come and gave away 10 drinks.

There are probably more things to take away from the evening, but that's enough for now. Overall, I thought the evening went well. I met two neighbors and wrote down their names and the general area where they said they lived. I hope to remember them and be able to say "Hi Dawn" or "Hi George" when I see them out.

It seemed like a lot of the trick or treaters don't actually live in our neighborhood, which kind of hurt my meet the neighbors objective. We did hand out some candy and kids seemed to be happy. So, I'd say it was a success. I look forward to doing this again next year.

There were a couple funny stories that I wanted to share before I wrap this up.

Kids love soda. When I gave the adults drinks, many kids asked for one, too. I had to remind them that they had just gotten candy and the drinks were treats for the adults. Once, after turning a kid down, I heard him tell his mother, "I will give you half of my candy if you will give me that drink." That kid should not go into sales.

If you have a "real" job, you should not be trick or treating. There was a group of three people that walked up. There was a teenage girl and what seemed to be her little brother. They were with what looked like a teenage guy. As they walked up the driveway, I recognized the guy. He works/worked at SAS. I know him from the gym. I know the economy is rough, but I'm sorry. Having worked at SAS an automatic disqualifier for being allowed to continue your trick or treating career. Hang up the pumpkin bucket kid.

We ID under 30. I don't think I gave away a single beer tonight, but I almost had one customer. A woman was reaching into the cooler to get a drink and noticed that I had a few beers in there. She was grabbing a drink for herself and a companion. When she said, "There's even some beer in here." he responded with, "Oh, well, I'll have one of those." The kid was no more than 18. Luckily, she was on to him. She said something like, "Do you have your ID with you sir?"

Did anything exciting happen in your neighborhood this Halloween?

Halloween 2010

2010-10-31T13:16:00.002-04:00

Two posts in two days.

Last night, Kim and I were talking about who was going to walk the kids around the neighborhood to collect candy for me to eat. One and three year olds don't need that much candy, but father's of one and three year olds certainly do. One of us will take the kids out and the other one will man the fort and hand out candy to the ghosts, goblins and ghouls.

At first, I was willing to flip a coin to decide. I didn't have an opinion one way or the other. Then, I remembered how last year one of our neighbors gave me a beer when we stopped by. His small gesture opened a door that was closed before. Since, we have moved from the head nod that acknowledges the existence of the other human to actually speaking to one another when we happen to be outside at the same time.

Upon remembering this, I decided that I would stay at home. I've got a plan...

Tonight, I will be sitting in my driveway giving out candy to the kids and beverages to the adults. I've got a cooler full of water, soda and beer leftover from the Dynamic Water golf tournament. I may even make some hot chocolate if winter decides to stick around.

My hope is to talk to as many parents as possible and open some doors in the way that my neighbor Mike did last year. If you want to hang out in my driveway later, let me know.

SIDE NOTE: After I came up with this plan, I happened upon this blog post that validated my idea. He doesn't say give your neighbor a beer, but that's what worked for me last year. So, I am going with it.

Love Her and Do It Well

2010-10-30T23:32:00.007-04:00

I just responded to a post on a blog that I follow at a distance. I responded to the question: How long have you been married? My response was: 6 years next month. Right above the place where you enter your comment, a lady named Kathy H. had responded with: Married for 42 years!!!

I dream of being married for 42 years and wanting to tell someone, or everyone, with a level of excitement that warrants a trifecta of exclamation marks. I see old people walking holding hands and I think, "That will be us some day." I see us as the grandparents that are left on the dance floor at a wedding after the newlyweds and those that have been married for 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 years have been asked to leave.

I want that life. I want to be that couple.

But, then, there's the reality of it. There's decades... years... months... days to make it through to become that couple. There's a lot of life that comes before then. And, unfortunately, life is not always rainbows and ponies.

Earlier this month I didn't like my wife. I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to be around her.

Obviously, that doesn't sound like a couple headed towards matching Hoverounds.

I was tired. I was overwhelmed. I was angry. I was hurt.

So, being the emotionally mature man that I am, I took the healthy path. I decided not to talk to her and not to be around her. I shut it down. I did what I needed to do to get through the day with as little interaction as possible.

This led to a come to Jesus meeting one night where my wife told me to talk to her. To which I responded, "You don't want to hear what I have to say." Turns out, I was wrong. She didn't curl up in the fetal position and whimper when I told her how I felt. We had a lengthy, difficult at times, conversation that ended with me confident that we would make it to the days when dinner is served at 4PM.

So, here we are a week, or so, later. I'm sitting in front of the computer with headphones on trying to tune out the world because I am putting together a sermon for next Sunday. To procrastinate, I decide to respond to a blog about how long I've been married. While I'm responding, "How He Loves" is playing.

In that moment, I was left with tears welling up in my eyes. The song attempts to describe the indescribable love that God has for us. I was struck by how much God loves me. This drove my thinking to a place where I believe God was telling me something; something I felt so strongly that I felt the need to share it here.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her - Ephesians 5:25

I say I believe that the same God that created the universe loves me. That He loves me so much that He sent his son, Jesus, down from heaven and had Him die to pay the price for my failures. I also claim that the Bible, which is where the quote above comes from, is true and is the word of God. It is through His word that he spoke to me.

Tonight, while listening to a song about how much God loves me, I felt God saying, "I do love you; more than you'll ever know. Now... you love her." Jesus loved the church so much that He gave himself up for it. And, He's calling me to do the same thing for my wife.

I am trying so hard in a lot of areas to become the man that God is calling me to be, that I have overlooked, or at least lost focus on, one major area, i.e. my role as a husband. Men, join me in regaining that focus.

Husbands, love your wife. Help her to become the woman that God created her to be as she helps you become the man God intended you to be. Be kind. Be strong. Be tender. Be open. Be conscientious. Be available. Be present. Lead. Don't leave her behind. Extend grace beyond measure. Love her and do it well.

Kim, thank you for the way you love me.

The Art of the Half Read Book

2010-03-09T20:22:00.005-05:00

I've posted about this before, but I have a propensity to start reading books and never finish reading them.

Today, I started reading a new book, Managing Humans by Michael Lopp. Last night, I started another book, Water: The Fate of Our Most Precious Resource by Marq De Villiers. I already had two other books that I am reading, Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller and Fatherhood by Bill Cosby.

I think I have stumbled upon the key to why I only read part of some books, while I finish others. The secret? Some books are just not interesting. They may have some great information in them, but provide little entertainment.

Let's take a look at the four books I am currently reading. I'll describe them and give the probability of me actually finishing each one.

Fatherhood - Bill Cosby may be the funniest man on the planet. He may be seventy something, but he's still got it. This book, however, was published in 1986, when he was in his prime. It is brilliant. I grew up in the stories that he tells. I laugh out loud often because I know exactly what he is talking about.
- Probability of Completion: 99%

Through Painted Deserts - I had heard Donald Miller speak a few times prior to the start of 2010, but had never read any of his books. This year I have already read Blue Like Jazz and To Own a Dragon. I flew through both. I really enjoy his style. He's another funny guy. I'd like to say that I am definitely going to finish this one, but since I haven't picked it up in over two weeks, it is in danger of becoming another tragic victim to my idiosyncrasy. Like that 4 Non-Blondes song you listened to on repeat right after you bought it, maybe I'm just a little burned out on Don, but I'm sure it will be awesome when I come back.
- Probability of Completion: 74%

Water - I read the preface and part of chapter one last night and I had to close it and go to sleep. It was 9:30PM. Marq, with a Q, it's not looking good, brother. I want to want to read this book, but unless I need an excuse to go to bed early, it's probably not going to happen.
- Probability of Completion: 26%

Managing Humans - This book was suggested to me by Matt Lavin. This book is about being a manager in a software company, something I am interested in doing. In the past, Matt has suggested a couple other books, one that I finished and one that I did not. After reading the About the Author and the Preface, I was pretty sure I was going to like this one. When I opened it up to chapter one and read the title, I knew I was hooked. Part on of the book is 'The Management Quiver'. I read that and thought quiver, like shiver, but it meant quiver, like the thing you carry your arrows in. The idea of part one is to provide management tips that you can store like arrows and pull out when you need them. Chapter one is titled 'Don't Be A Prick'. I laughed out loud when I read that. This book's going to be good.
- Probability of Completion: 99%

What are you reading?

Reading the Paper Can Be Depressing

2010-03-05T15:02:00.009-05:00

About a year ago, I subscribed to the News & Observer (N&O). I signed up to get the Sunday paper for the coupons. For whatever reason, since the beginning of 2010, they have been delivering the paper on more than just Sundays. I haven't been paying close attention, but it could be every Friday, Saturday, Sunday and holidays.

In the year that we've been getting the paper, I bet I have read five articles. I really only signed up for the coupons. If they had an option where they would deliver just the coupons on Sunday, I would signup for that. Today, however, I actually opened the paper and started checking it out.

The headline story is titled "Utility customers say their heating bills are outrageous" with a subheading of "High costs in Wilson could be in store for the rest of the state". The number one story on this beautiful Friday is a piece selling fear.

The story with the second billing is titled "N.C. has a shot at school funding". "A shot"?!? I wouldn't call that optimism at its best.

The final three articles on the front page are about Democrats with ethics problems, Arizona closing some rest stops, and adults insulting one another. I can sort of see the two articles. I get it that people like to hear about politicians failing like normal people. The name-calling piece has to do with the school board decision being made soon so I get why people might care. But rest stops being closed in Arizona?

This is a Raleigh, North Carolina news paper. Raleigh is about 3,000 miles from Arizona. How many people in Raleigh do they think are going to be driving through Arizona any time soon?!? Not many. How many people in Raleigh do they think even know someone in Arizona that this is going to affect? I mean, I do, but I don't see this conversation coming up anytime soon. "Hey, Becky, how's Phoenix treating you? ... Yeah, I heard they were shutting down some of your rest stops. Sucks for you guys."

I can't believe this is the front page. It doesn't give me much hope for what's inside. it really doesn't even make me want to take the time to see what's inside.

Despite my better judgement, I did open up the first section. Hidden amidst the stories of the shopping habits of dictators, genocide in Turkey and violent college students, I found one article that shows me that the N&O is not just peddling fear, pessimism, conflict and violence. It seems that they occasionally find a place to spread a little hope, even if it is tucked away on page six.

The article was titled "Joy amid the rubble in Haiti". It was about a couple that had planned to get married and decided to go ahead with it despite the earthquake that ravaged the their hometown of Port-Au-Prince seven weeks ago. The groom is quoted as saying, "We're still here, no matter what the situation is, we are going to be together." They held the wedding outside the cathedral where they attended mass, which had collapsed during the quake. The article reads:

[They] pulled together many of the trappings of a normal wedding. She wore a full white gown with elbow-length white lace gloves. He wore a charcoal-gray suit. There were several hundred guests. Dozens of passers-by watched from atop piles of rubble in the dusty downtown streets. ... They had a small celebration, then went off to spend the night at a relative's home that survived the quake. - Ben Fox (AP)

Afterward, the bride is quoted as saying, "The only celebration we had was that we got to spend the night together." The article ends with this, "The next day, the coupe returned to spend the rest of their honeymoon in the family tent."

I love this. The picture of the wedding taken place outside the collapsed cathedral with by-standers watching from the tops of rubble piles is beautiful to me. Even though this couple has next to nothing, they have lost family and friends and their city is in ruins, they are able to find joy.

Beauty surrounded by chaos. Such is life.

Diversity in Life

2010-03-03T10:38:00.009-05:00

Yesterday, the Wake County Board of Education voted "to end its long-standing diversity policy in student assignment in favor of a neighborhood schools concept." There seem to be a lot of people up in arms over this decision.

Admittedly, I know very little about the arguments for each side. This is why I decided to read this article that I found on WRAL.com. I'd like to be clear that this post is more of a reaction to that article than it is to the decision made by the board.

When I read this article I was struck by the comments of the Rev. William Barber, NC's NAACP president. The one comment that really stuck out to me was this:

Barber and supporters of the diversity policy said neighborhood schools is a move toward re-segregation.

Now, I can make an assumption that what he meant was that "neighborhood schools is a move toward re-segregation in schools", but that wasn't what he said. It's probably merely semantics, but because he did not say "re-segregation in schools", I began to think about life outside of the walls of our local schools.

I believe that all children should be afforded the same opportunity to quality education. I realize that opponents of the neighborhood schools concept believe that by moving to neighborhood schools we are putting some students at a disadvantage. I can see how that could be true, but I am not writing to comment on that.

Reading that "neighborhood schools is a move towards re-segregation" without the "in schools" bit brought it to the front of my mind that in a lot of areas of our lives. Many of us still live segregated lives. There are no laws that keep one ethnic group from another, but we choose to remain segregated.

Many of us work with diverse groups of people, which is a testament to the fact that ethnicity is not a determining factor in skills and talents. However, outside of our professional relationships, do we have the same kind of diversity in any other part of our lives? Or, do we choose to remain segregated?

Many neighborhoods in wake county are homogeneous, which, I think, is one of the chief complaints about the neighborhood schools concept. My neighbors, however, represent another diverse group in my life, but when I think about the neighbors that I interact with on a regular basis, they are very much like me. I am choosing to remain segregated.

This line of thought also reminded me of a quote that I have heard many times about how "eleven o'clock on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in America." This quote comes from a speech the Rev. Dr. martin Luther King, Jr. gave.

Below is an excerpt from a Q&A session held after a speech given by King. The excerpt addresses this quote. The speech and Q&A took place Western Michigan University in 1963. The interviewer is University President MIller. You can read the transcript from the Q&A in its entirety here.

Miller: Don't you feel that integration can only be started and realized in the Christian church, not in schools or by other means? This would be a means of seeing just who are true Christians.

King: As a preacher, I would certainly have to agree with this. I must admit that I have gone through those moments when I was greatly disappointed with the church and what it has done in this period of social change. We must face the fact that in America, the church is still the most segregated major institution in America. At 11:00 on Sunday morning when we stand and sing and Christ has no east or west, we stand at the most segregated hour in this nation. This is tragic.

The church community I am a part of, Visio Dei, is no exception to this type of segregation. If you look out over the crowd on any Sunday morning, you'll notice that most people are sitting next to people that look very similar to them.

I'm not casting blame or offering a suggested solution to the segregation of our world. I am merely pointing out the fact that though we have no laws prohibiting our integration, we often choose to remain segregated. The fact that people are upset that a concept promoting children going to school with the people they live near because it will limit diversity displays this fact well.

Thoughts?

NOTE: I realize that the choices of those in lower socioeconomic situations are limited. However, people with the power to choose demonstrate our propensity to choose to associate with those like ourselves.

A Birthday Present From My Co-workers

2010-03-01T22:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, was my birthday. I hit the big 3-0.

Last Friday, I took the afternoon off to get some stuff ready for my birthday party, which was a murder mystery dinner.

While I was off work, some of my co-workers took the opportunity to wrap my birthday presents so that I would find them on This morning when I came in.

Below are a few pictures of the gifts they got me.

You can see all the pictures on Flickr or on Facebook.

Thoughts on Thirty

2010-02-28T03:45:00.002-05:00

Tonight, the third decade of my life will quietly come to a close and my journey will continue into the fourth. Often one's transition from their twenties to their thirties can bring about some anxiety. To the sun, the transition in no more than another rising and setting, but to you this is much more than just another day. There was a time in your life when you thought "when I grow up...", but this day brings the realization that you are, and most likely have been, living in the midst of that time.

To say that moving out of your twenties is cause for a mid-life crisis might be a bit of an exaggeration, as this is, hopefully, only the end the first third of your life. With the advance of science and medicine, it could be only the end of the first quarter. Though not cause for crisis, it is an excellent opportunity to reflect and to dream. We can look back on where we have been and look forward to where we want to go.

I recently read that a person often has a vision for their life that reaches out around fifty years. It is not until we hit thirty that that forecast reaches what we might see as our end. Prior to moving into your thirties, everything is possible and time is limitless.

When we are children, the world is our stage. As Americans, we are given the dream that we can be anything we want if we are willing to work hard for it. One day we may announce our desire to become and orphan, as I did, only to realize that we really want to become an elf. We may have dreams of following in our parents footsteps or of taking a completely different path. The future holds all that we desire and nothing can stop us from achieving our dreams.

As a child, I excelled in academics. School required no more effort than that required to expunge my body from my bed. Mornings have never been my favorite part of the day. I remember counting into the hundreds in kindergarden. I recall being a part of an academically gifted group, where I was taught things that other kids were not. From early on, I was labeled as someone with "a lot of potential". This is a phrase that has followed me throughout these first thirty years.

Athletics have played a large role in my life thus far. I remember bringing home a sign-up sheet to play baseball when I was in Mrs. Singletary's first grade class. I remember the first day I went to Walker field and witnessed kids playing football, only to come back the next day with a signed waiver to become a part of the team. The memories I hold of high school sports are some of my most fond. To this day, I am drawn towards the sports arena.

In my experience, when you become involved in a faith community, it is an unavoidable inevitability that at some point you will be asked about your "church background", and whether, or not, you were "brought up in church". My response to these queries is that my family attended church services when we felt like it, but it wasn't often that we felt like it. I believe that there may be more, but the only church I remember visiting was the Tabernacle Baptist Church, which was within walking distance of the house where I spent most of my childhood.

In my early teenage years, there was a week long Methodist church camp that I attended a summers in a row. The memories I have from this church camp have little to do with God. The summer before I entered into the hormone filled world of middle school, while at this camp, I shared my first kiss with a lovely girl, one year my senior, named Alyssa. Other than older girls, there was a lake to swim in, games to play and the food was always pretty good.

In high school I visited yet another church. This time I visited the youth group. Again, my reasons for continuing to return to the youth group, at least in the beginning, had little to do with learning to follow Jesus. It was late in high school that you could say that I "prayed the prayer" or "made a decision" to give my life over to God, but I believe that even at that point, I was not sure what that meant other than I would carry my bible around and continue to attend the church services with the cute girls.

My compulsory education came to a close with all the pomp and circumstance generally afforded to a child raised in a working class family. I said goodbye to the security and comfort of my status in my small home town and small high school, and moved on to a large public university, where nearly everyone has "a lot of potential". It took me a little time to adjust. After a mere two years of underachieving and two years away from the academic world, I realized that potential alone was never going to pay the bills.

My college experience was phenomenal. At the time, it was the best seven years of my life. Within a few hours of setting down my boxes in E113 of Wood Hall, I met two life-long friends. The experience of living on campus while in college is something I believe every student should live through. The friends you make and proximity of events is priceless. One of my fondest memories is watching a basketball game from the sidelines in Reynolds Coliseum. It will forever be one of my top sports experiences. At the and of my Sophomore year, the college journey took a turn to the south, both in my grades and in my locale.

A botched transcontinental road trip and a few bad decisions can put a person in an interesting place. For me, that place was Disney World's doorstep. My two year roller-coaster ride in Central Florida took me from a fun summer job, to being flat broke, to hanging out with millionaire boy-banders, to finding the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Of these first 30 years, I have spent more than half engaged in some sort of formal schooling, but the education I received during those two years in the working world has been more valuable to me than any of the formal education I obtained.

Working in a couple restaurants, a gas station and a factory has a way of promoting good study habits and hard work. Having a vision for a life spent with someone else also seems to have the same effects. Coming out of my two year hiatus from school, I had both of those things working on me. It seems that seeing the darker side of life without a degree is enough motivation to make even the laziest of people put some of their potential into practice.

As juniors in high school, students, who at times can hardly decide on what to wear for the day, are asked to make one of the most important decisions of their life. The decision they make points them down a path and propels their life on a trajectory towards a career that, with any luck, will turn out to be something they are good at and maybe even something they like. When asked to chose what I wanted to go to college to study, I chose computer engineering almost completely based on two facts: computers are probably going to be around for awhile and people make pretty good money as computer engineers. Seven years later, I graduated from NC State with a degree in computer science, which isn't too far off the mark I aimed for all those years before.

Before graduating from college, I had somehow convinced a lovely, young lady that it would be in the best interests of both of us if she were to marry me and I had acquired a job at what is now listed as the best place to work in America. Shortly after, my wife and I bought our first home and started thinking of adding even more Smiths to the world. So, if being tagged with the "a lot of potential" label means that "if you wanted to, you could achieve the American dream", then... Done.

Life after college is when you start to realize that grown-ups aren't just people your parent's age. I'm not exactly sure when the transition takes place, but at some point you realize that whether you like it, or not, you are a grown-up, too. My wife and I welcomed adulthood. This is what we dreamed of: a house, a couple kids, trips to Home Depot, the whole bit.

When I was in college, those were the best years of my life. However, the last five years have blown those college years out of the water. In the last five years, my family and my faith have taught me to love more deeply than I thought possible.

Through joy and through turmoil, my heart has softened and I have experienced life on levels I never knew existed. I thought I loved my wife before we got married, but I was ignorant. I thought I loved her after we were first married, but still I knew nothing. Now, five years and two kids later, having experienced the wonder, the terror, the awful and the awesome of our life together, I feel like I know love. In the beginning, I didn't know what love could be and I hope that 30 years from now, I can say the same thing about the love I know today.

In high school, I learned about a God that loved me. I made a decision to commit my life to following that God. Though the path I have been on has taken me at times far from what I think God would say is best for me, I still believe that I am following that same God. However, over the past five years, I have come to know that God in a way unlike anything I learned as a teenager.

I no longer believe that the creator of the universe is a genie in a bottle waiting to grant my wish of gaining the favor of a particular girl, getting a good grade on a test, or even healing my sick friend. When I first learned of God's love, I understood love to mean that I would get what I wanted if I wanted it enough and prayed for it enough. I believed God loved me and wanted me to be happy, so long as my happiness resided within the confines of a set of rules that He had put in place. I had decided that I was willing to live within those rules. Thus, I became a Christian.

The past five years have taught me that God's love goes far beyond my happiness and rules. I actually believe now that God's love has little to do with my happiness. Like the parent who refuses to give their child sweets before dinner, God may not give me want I want when I want it because it is not what's best for me.

My faith used to work like a scale. If I did enough of the things that God wanted me to do, I could make Him happy and in His happiness, he would return the favor. Now, my faith operates on a completely different paradigm. Where my good acts in the past were a tool for creating enough worth that I could exchange them for something I wanted or needed, now I see my actions as a method of expressing my gratitude for the things that God has already done.

Over the passed few years I have come to really understand the "good news" of the bible. I've come to recognize a couple things. I accept now that God has an ideal way for me to live my life. I believe that this can, to an extent, be expressed in rules that can be followed externally, but ultimately is about a way of thinking, that then manifests itself in the actions we take. I believe that Jesus was God in the flesh and that He lived here on Earth and was the perfect example of that ideal way of life. I also have come to accept that I have problems and those problems, sometimes known as "the sin in my life", keep me from ever living out this ideal way of life. I am insecure, prideful, selfish, among other things. All of these things are internal issues, but they get lived out in various ways that effect everyone around me.

John 3:16 may be the most recognized verse in the entire bible. Over these past few years, my understanding of this verse has gained more depth. I said I believe that Jesus was an example of the ideal and that I cannot live up to that ideal. John 3:16 tells me that despite my inability to live up to the ideal that God has set, He still loves me. That even though I am screwed up, God still loves me. He loves me so much that Jesus, who came here and lived that ideal life, died, was buried in a tomb and three days later overcame death to make up for how screwed up I am. And, that is what I see as grace.

Grace is my motivator. I no longer do things to get God to love me. I do things because God loves me. I try to live the ideal life that God has prescribed. I try to see people the way God sees them. I try to respond with love, peace, patience and kindness. And, I fail everyday. I fail, but I pick myself up and I start all over. I know that I may never be perfect. I may never come close to that ideal, but that doesn't stop me from trying.

If look back over the last thirty years, I see an amazing path that I have walked. There have been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I am thankful not only for the place I am now, but for the journey that brought me here. As this decade of my life comes to a close, I can't help but dream of what the next decade, or even the next thirty years, might bring.

I dream of being a great husband, a great father, a great man.

I hope to continually learn more about my wife and to push her to be the wife, mother and woman God has made her to be. I pray that I will be the husband that she needs, but also the husband that she deserves. I pray that we both live to age where we can be the old couple who can barely walk, but still holds hands. I look forward to the joys and troubles that both bring us closer together.

I have many dreams for our children, but I hope that my dreams for them do not overshadow the dreams they will create for themselves. I pray that I will be an example to them of the God that I have come to love. That they would one day also come to love Him. I have a dream of taking a road trip across the country with just Palmer and I where we camp the entire time we are gone. I have dreams of Presley's heart breaking for the kids of another country as the two of us do work overseas. I pray that all of our children come to see themselves and all other people as God sees them.

As a man, I have a lot of work to do. Though I know that I am an adult, I still feel young and imature. I hope to tame my tongue and to one day be more like my dad who rarely raised his voice, but commanded respect, though he never asked for it verbally. I also dream of the day when my vocation is to teach people about the God I love and to help them find ways to participate in bringing redemption to all things. Above all I pray that in all areas of life I will represent the ways of Jesus in a way that glorifies him.

Thank you to God, my family, my friends and everyone else who has played a role in these first thirty years.

Are Garages for Cars?

2009-11-09T20:04:00.006-05:00

In search of a few minutes of solitude, I am sitting in my garage. Since getting home from work, I have been on the go non-stop and I just needed a few minutes of quiet, but that is hard to come by in a house with two small children. I came into the garage to take off my shoes and realized how quiet it was in here. So, I decided to stay.

Recently, our garage has been taken over by donations to my non-profit, Dynamic Water. We're collecting "craigslist sellable" items and, well, selling them on craigslist in an online yard sale. NOTE: The picture above is not actually my garage.

Tonight, I have set up shop in a black leather chair that my sister donated when she moved. It is surprisingly comfortable. Honestly, I will probably come sit out here more, just because of this chair. I also remembered that we had a radio out here. So, I turned it on and am now listening to Jazz 90.7. I was in search of a classical station, but came across this. It's great.

Sitting here in the garage full of stuff has reminded me of the sermon Jeff gave a couple weeks ago, where he referenced the self storage industry and the absurdity of how much "stuff" the average American owns. It makes me wonder how many people are like me and have a garage, but don't use it to park their car.

So, if you have a garage, do you park your car in there? Also, how many cars are supposed to fit in there? And, if you don't currently park your car in there, have you ever and do you even want to?

Ready go.

Coming and Going on the Back of a Donkey

2009-11-04T22:33:00.005-05:00

Tonight, at our home group meeting, I had this random thought.

We were recapping the past few weeks. It was mentioned that I talked about the story of Jesus and the woman at the well a few weeks ago. We remembered how Jesus and his disciples were going from Jerusalem, in Southern Israel, to Galilee, in Northern Israel, during that story. Then, somehow it came up that eventually they would head back to Jerusalem and Jesus would end up asking his disciples to go find him a donkey to ride into town.

This is where I had my random thought, I'm sure it's not the first time anyone has ever thought of this, but it was definitely the first time that I had thought of it. So, we'll call it an original thought.

It hit me, when someone mentioned Jesus riding into Jerusalem on donkey, that Jesus was riding to the place of his death on the back of a donkey. Then, I thought about Mary and her trip to Bethlehem, where Jesus was born. As the story goes, she rode there on the back of a donkey. So, you can probably see where I'm going, but it seems coincidental, at the least, that Jesus rode into the city of his birth and the city of his death on the back of a donkey.

Have you ever thought about that before? Is there something there? Is it just that donkey was the available mode of transportation of the day or is there something else?

What do you think?

Parity in the NFL?

2009-10-11T23:40:00.005-04:00

What happened to there being parity in the NFL?

There seem to be three tiers of teams in the NFL this year: the good ones, the bad ones and the ones that lose to the good ones and beat the bad ones.

Through five weeks there are 5 undefeated teams and 5 more that only have one loss*. There are also 4 winless teams and 4 more with only one win*.

Pairing a "good" team with a "bad" team can make for bad football. Several games from this Sunday fell into this category: the NY Giants versus Oakland Raiders (44-7), the Minnesota Vikings versus the St. Louis Rams (38-10), the Philadelphia Eagles versus the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (33-14) and the Indianapolis Colts versus the Tennessee Titans (31-9). Also, pairing up two of the "bad" teams can make for bad football; see the Cleveland Browns versus the Buffalo Bills (6-3).

Now, don't get me wrong, there have been some good games this year. Just this week two games went into overtime. My observation, though, is that there seem to be a lot more of the "bad" games than in the past few years?

What's your take on the NFL season, thus far?

* The NY Jets, a one loss team, play the Miami Dolphins, a one win team, on Monday night.

My Pleasure

2009-10-09T11:07:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've noticed that a lot of vendors are stepping up their game on customer service. It could be due to the economy. Or, maybe, places need something to differentiate them selves from their competitors. Then, again, it could just be a trend in the market. Whatever the case, places seem more interested in taking care of their customers.

Below is a list of a few places where I've noticed outstanding customer service.

Chick-fil-a - The post title was a reference to what has become the signature phrase of Chick-fil-a employees. Though the "my pleasure" can seem a bit forced, they do back it up with employees that are consistently pleasant and helpful.

Another, feature of the Chick-fil-a experience is that they have a manager walking around the dining-room offering to clear your trash away or get you more sweet tea. Personally, we have had some really good experiences with the manager paying attention to our children and entertaining them.

Auto Zone - We recently had a problem with our car. It seemed battery related, but we were not sure. I took the car to Auto Zone because they will check your battery for free. This is not an uncommon practice. They also checked our starter and alternator.

Turns out we had a bad battery. Sean came out replaced the battery and a connector. He was super nice, full of tips and didn't rush through the installation even though that meant he had to stay a few minutes past the time he was supposed to get off.

Harris Teeter - Their prices may be a little higher than other places, but 1) they double coupons everyday and 2) they provide incredible customer service. From the butcher that points out the great deals on meat to cashiers that never seem to be having a bad day, they are on it. Another great thing is that they put out samples: produce, specialty breads, cheeses and, of course, cookies.

Recently, we took a family trip to HT and the bagger asked if we would like help getting the groceries to the car. We took him up on it since we had both kids, a stroller and the groceries to deal with. When we made it to the car, I said "Thanks" and expected him to walk back in, but he said, "I can put them in the car if you want." It allowed each of us to put one kid in the car, which was a tremendous help.

Those are just three places that have really stood out over the past few months. There are others that have made good impressions on me, too, but these three are at the top of the list.

So, where have you witnessed superb customer service?

Paying My Parking Ticket

2009-10-08T16:43:00.002-04:00

Several months ago, I got a parking ticket in down town Raleigh. Since, I have been afraid to park on the street fearing that I would come out to find a boot on my car due to my severely overdue unpaid parking ticket. Well, Monday I decided that it was finally time to settle my account with Park Raleigh.

I was going to mail in my payment, but then, after I had written out my check, I saw where you could pay for your ticket online. I went the online payment site and put in my ticket number. I was disappointed when my ticket could not be found. I assumed that they only kept tickets written in the last 90 days, or six months, online and all other tickets must be paid the old fashioned way, by mail or in person. Or, worse case, they had sent my ticket to collections.

I was going out to pay another bill. So, I decided to stop by Park Raleigh's office to pay for my ticket, plus the late fees. My trip to 131 South Wilmington was very educational. Here's what I learned...

If you are a officer of the law, you can get your friends/co-workers out of having to pay for a ticket. This information came courtesy of a Wake County Sheriff being in front of me in line. He was able to get "an exception" for one of the administrative staffers out of a ticket they got for double parking by being in uniform.

To be fair though, he was there paying some other ticket. So, it's not like he was getting off completely free.

It takes three, or more, tickets that are more than 90 days past due to get a boot on you car. This information came via the guy that took his turn after the deputy. He shelled out a couple hundred dollars to get the boot removed from his car.

They printed his list of tickets and there were at least 20 items on the list. I don't know if the list included previous tickets that had already been paid, but either way, that's a lot of money for parking. I think, I would take the bus.

If the online system cannot find you ticket, there's a real good chance that the people in the office aren't going to be able to locate it in the system either. This was my situation. I went in there with a check already written out fro $40, $20 ticket and $20 late fee. Then, I walked out with a $40 check.

The lady behind the counter took the ticket and looked up the number, but it did not come up in the system. She said something like, "Well... I could put it in the system for you. Or...". I took the opportunity to express my desire to take the "Or...". She handed me the ticket back and said have a nice day.

So, now I can go down town and park without fear. I'm a free man.

Have you had any run-ins the Park Raleigh that went well or NOT so well?

Jacob Drank From This Well

2009-10-07T22:09:00.007-04:00

Tonight, I led our home group through a passage in John 4. It is the story commonly know as Jesus and the woman at the well.

I knew a little about the story before I decided to teach on it, but after studying, I found it to be very interesting. I found several interesting facts that gave the story more depth than I had anticipated. We had a great discussion while working our way through the passage. When we got to verse 12, I thought of something that I had not thought of before and had not seen mentioned when I was studying the passage.

Prior to verse 12, Jesus asks the Samaritan woman for a drink of water. She gives him a little attitude and says, "Who do you think you are?" (My paraphrase.) He responds to her with something along the lines of, "If you knew who I was you would be asking ME for water." (Again, my paraphrase.) Then, we get to verse 12.

Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds? - John 4:12 (TNIV)

It occurred to me in the midst of talking about this passage that Jesus is a descendant of Jacob and the lady says "Jacob drank from this well, as did his sons." In a matter of speaking, Jesus is a son of Jacob. That just really stuck out to me. I don't have much else to say about it. It just seemed like something was there.

What do you think?

Football.

2009-08-06T10:32:00.005-04:00

Football season is coming.

NC State plays South Carolina four weeks from today. There's an NFL preseason game on this Sunday night on NBC.

Mmm... Football.

Someone sent me this helmet calendar thing today in an email. You can click the image to see it enlarged.

Anyone else excited?

I don't have time to...

2009-06-15T21:32:00.006-04:00

Today, I don't have time to...

...talk to my wife while I am at work.
...rock my baby when she's crying.
...do the dishes after my wife cooked dinner.
...read my son a book before bed.
...prepare a message for our church.

My actions would indicate that I do have time to...

...twitter.
...read blogs.
...check fantasy baseball.
...pay bills.
...enter Coke Rewards codes.
...check work email after work.
...email people about vacations I want to take.
...write this blog.

I have some messed up priorities.

How are yours?

Four for Five is Awesome in Most Sports

2009-06-15T08:20:00.003-04:00

Last Monday morning, I stepped on the scale and I weighed 218. That means that I had gained 8 pounds since Presley was born.

Last Summer, I dropped from 225 down to 210 and I had managed to stay at 210 until March. Then, after Presley was born, I stopped doing pretty much all exercising. On top of that, I found that I was drinking a lot of soda at work and I felt like I was eating all of the time.

So, last Monday, I decided that by this Monday, I was going to lose 5 pounds. I realize that it sounds like a lofty goal, but I thought back to when I watched 'The Biggest Loser'. The participants always lost a lot of weight in the first week. So, I figured I might, too.

My plan was... 1) drink only water and the occasional beer, 2) eat breakfast (something I usually do not do), 3) eat only at mealtime, i.e. no snacking.

I pretty good. I think I had three sugary drinks throughout the week. I ate breakfast probably 4 days and I did very little snacking. I will say that I found it significantly more difficult to maintain the plan over the weekend.

The results were that I lost 4 pounds.

I am not as committed to the plan this week, but I'm going to try to find some balance between my eating habits from the last three months and last week. Hopefully, going somewhere in between and exercising will result in me slowly getting back to 210.

Anyone else out there trying to slim down for the Summer?

Lists

2009-05-27T22:16:00.004-04:00

I'm not the kind of person that makes daily "to do" lists. Sometimes I try, but it never seems to stick.

A friend of mine has made a lifetime "to do" list. I'd like to do that, but I just haven't taken the time, yet. Maybe item #1 on my lifetime "to do" list should be: Make a lis of things to do before I expire.

Recently, I've read a couple lists on blogs I follow. Neither of them were "to do" lists. They each gave insight into the mind of the author. You should check them out here and here.

Do you make lists?

CVSing: Part 2

2009-05-24T22:13:00.002-04:00

I took another trip to CVS with a plan to take them.

Start:
$13 in ExtraCare Bucks
$25 Gift Card
$1 off Band-aids coupon
$1 off Colgate coupon
B1G1 Sobe coupon
$5 off $30 CVS coupon

Bought:
Revlon Nail Polish: $4.99 - $1.00 (Sale) = $3.99
Colgate Tooth Paste:$3.89 - $0.90 (Sale) - $1.00 (Coupon) = $1.99
Transformers Band-aids: $3.59 - $0.60 (Sale) - $1.00 (Coupon) = $1.99
SpongeBob Band-aids: $3.59 - $0.60 (Sale) = $2.99
Sobe LifeWater: $1.49 - $1.49 (B1G1 Sale) = FREE
Sobe LifeWater: $1.49 - $1.49 (B1G1 Coupon) = FREE
Speed Stick Pro Antiperspirant: $3.99
Speed Stick Pro Antiperspirant: $3.99
Neutrogena Sun Block: $9.49
Neutrogena Sun Block: $9.49

Total w/ tax before sales and coupons: $49.11

-$5 off $30 CVS coupon (received via e-mail)
-$13 CVS ECB (from a previous trip)
NOTE: Both of these coupons are applied before tax.

Total w/ tax after all sales and coupons: $21.50

I paid with my $25 CVS gift card.

But wait, here's the best part... I received $26.98 back in ExtraCare Bucks.

$3 ECB wyb Revlon Nail color at $3.99
$2 ECB wyb Colgate Total, 4 oz, at $2.99
2 x $2.00 ECB wyb Bandaid Bandages at $2.99
2 x $3.99 ECB wyb Speed Stick Pro Deodorant at $3.99
$10 ECB wyb (2) Neutrogena Suncare Products starting at $7.35

Here's my tally...
$38.00 GC+ECB - $13.00 ECB - $21.50 GC = $3.50 GC + $26.98 ECB = $30.48 GC+ECB

So, $49.11 worth of stuff for $7.52. That's about 85% off.

The bad thing is that is was supposed to be even better than that, but I had to buy larger and more expensive Neutrogena Sun Block than I had planed.

I got all of my info on how to save at CVS from SouthernSavers.com.

Poison Whatever

2009-05-18T12:01:00.002-04:00

Last Sunday, I was out in the woods behind our house raking some leaves away from our fence and clearing out some vines. It turns out that mixed in with those vines was some poison oak/ivy/sumac.

Sunday night, we were out on the patio and I thought I was being attacked by mosquitoes. The truth, however, was that I was developing a rash in reaction to the oil of the poison whatever that I had come in contact with earlier in the day. By Monday afternoon, I had big blistered areas all over my left arm.

I did some research online and figured out that it was poison whatever. To my dismay, I found that there is nothing that you can do for it other than wait. You can treat the symptoms with lotions and anti-histamines, but there's not much you can do for the rash.

So, last week I wore long sleeves all week to keep my rash covered, for my sake and the sake of my co-workers. I was trying to avoid scratching it and also trying to avoid having to deal with the myth that poison whatever it contagious.

I found out that the rash is not contagious; not even the "ooze" that comes from the rash can spread it. The rash is an allergic reaction to oil put out by the plant. So, the only way to spread poison whatever is to spread the oil.

Today, is the first day that I have worn short sleeves that reveal my rash. The rash is healing, but there are still red areas all over my arm. I saw one of my co-workers in the hallway and he reacted as if my arm was bleeding profusely. He asked in a very concerned voice, "What happened to your arm?" My first instinct was to tell him I have leprosy, but I decided against it. I told him I had poison oak, or ivy, or something, and he reacted like he was going to catch it from me. I was sort of surprised that he didn't start scratching himself right then.

I have to say that I've always underestimated the power of poison ivy and its cousins. As a kid, I played in the woods all the time and never had to deal with it, that I remember, but I knew other kids that did. I've always thought, "It can't be that bad."

However, after last week, I have a new respect for the poisonous plants. Before getting some medication to help reduce the itching sensation, it was difficult to concentrate on anything other than NOT scratching my arm.

If I were a writer for the show 24, I would try to work it into the script where Jack dips someone in a vat of Urushiol oil to get information out of them about the location of the bomb.

Speaking of Jack and 24, the season finale is tonight.

Did you get your (swine) flu shot?

2009-04-29T11:23:00.004-04:00

My favorite line:

"Swine flu?!? Man, I'm too fast for that to catch me!"

HT: Brad Ruggles

The Sex Talk

2009-04-15T22:49:00.000-04:00

Hello World: Please don't ever make me talk about sex again.

This cracked me up, but it is great. I hope that when the day comes that we have to talk to Palmer and Presely about sex that we handle it this well.

I normally would've twittered this...

2009-04-14T20:06:00.006-04:00

Before Twitter, I would have definitely blogged this. Since I started using Twitter, blog posts like this usually get compressed into 140 characters or less and maybe a Twitpic. However, tonight when I went to tweet this, I couldn't say what I wanted within the 140 character constraint and I was reminded of the days when blog posts like this were more frequent. I often say that "Twitter killed my blog", but tonight the blog won.

Tonight, Kim went to play Bunko with some girls. It's something she does monthly-ish. She gets out of the house and get some kid free grown-up time, which leaves me with the kiddos.

Just as Kim was leaving, the Pritchetts showed up with our dinner. They are one of the very gracious families that have volunteered to make dinner for us while we get used to have two kids in the house. Tonight, they brought us some pasta and salad.

I set Palmer in his chair with some pasta to eat. When I returned with my dinner he had eaten all that I had given him. He looked at me like, "You gonna eat your cornbread?" So, I gave him some oranges to eat. He scarfed those down, too, so I gave him some more pasta. While he was working on round two of pasta, I got him to try some lettuce, which he did not seem to like all that much, and some tomatoes. At first he resisted the tomatoes, but after he tried one, he asked for more.

Since he ate so well, I decided to reward him with some dessert. I gave him a cup of pudding, which he kept referring to as chocolate milk. Below are some pics from that. He was pretty funny to watch eating the pudding.

Overall, my single dad with two kids night went well. Our kids are pretty good when they want to be. Tonight, they took it easy on daddy.

* Every time I say "Twitter killed my blog", I think of this song. Every time I hear that song, I think of Empire Records, which by the way is an excellent movie.

What's up with today today?

Sticking it to the man a.k.a. CVSing

2009-04-13T22:16:00.004-04:00

I know this my sound strange, but I have started "couponing". Well, that is a stretch, but I did do it once.

Tonight, I got $19.87 worth of stuff from CVS a net out of pocket of $1.12. Here's what I got and spent...

NOTES: CVS ECB is essentially a CVS gift card that you get for buying certain items. I had an actual CVS gift card from a prescription coupon. Those are awesome. You get a $25 gift card for getting a prescription filled at CVS. The kicker is they take competitor's coupons.

Transaction #1:
1 x Softsoap Scrub Body Wash @ $4.99
- $.50 CVS ECB
- $3.99 CVS Gift Card
= $.54 Out of pocket

I got back $4.49 in CVS ECB.

Transaction #2:
1 x Kellogs Fruit Loops @ $2.00
1 x Collgate Toothpaste @ $3.99
1 x Butterfinger @ $0.67
- $1 off Kellogs Cereal
- $1 off Collgate Toothpaste
- $4.49 CVS ECB (from transaction #1)
= $.22 Out of pocket

I got back $3.99 in CVS ECB. The Butterfinger was just filler. You do not get change from CVS ECB. So, if you use $4.49 in CVS ECB to pay for $3.99 in merchandise, you lose out on $0.50. So, I bought a candy bar.

Transaction #3:
1 x Collgate Toothpaste @ $3.99
2 x Sobe Life Water @ $1.49 (On sale B1G1, i.e. buy one get one free.)
1 x Reece's PB Cups 8 Pack @ $1.25
-$1 off Collgate Toothpaste
- B1G1 Sobe Life Water Coupon (Made mine B0G2)
- $3.99 CVS ECB (from transaction #2)
= $.36 Out of pocket

I got back another $3.99 in CVS ECB, which is equal to the gift card I started with. The Reece's were filler again. Maybe next time I'll try to buy filler that is not candy.

So, I walked into CVS with a $3.99 gift card, the change out of my car, some coupons and a plan. I walked out with Some body wash (that I don't really use), two tubes of toothpaste (which I needed), two bottles of flavored water (that could possibly make lizards dance), a box of cereal, some candy, and $3.99 in CVS ECB.

I got the plan from here and most of the coupons I printed off the internet. You can find the links to those on the site linked in the previous sentence. It does take a little bit of time and effort, but if you're going to the store to get toothpaste, you might as well pick up two of them and a bunch of other crap for only a little over a buck.

Do you have any super awesome ways you stick it to the man?

NOTE: You can print the Sobe coupon from the site above and you can do the B0G2 up to 3 times. So, that's a B0G6, $9 worth of drinks for free.