Lead Yourself

Boredom

2013-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Boredom is probably up there in the Top Ten Adversary's to Modern Man, so in order to escape it, we need to know why we feel it.

One of the key aspects to the build up of boredom is that we perceive things to be out of our control, or that we are avoiding things that need to be done, (or possibly both at once.) Bragging is such a good example of a release from boredom as it can both be a symptom of boredom and evidence towards a solution. You see, what drives us to say "I did this," is probably a desire to do it again. You should then instead be asking yourself the question, "Why am I not doing again?"

And it's at this point that you'll begin to list your plethora of reasons; reasons which become excuses; as to why you're not doing it again. Those excuses might even be fair excuses, let's say you're bragging about how you met up with some sexually endearing member of the opposite sex the night before: you obviously can't do that now, it's 2am! Well why didn't you do it before? Oh right, because you weren't put in the situation. You must not be put in that situation very often then? Well, they were a friend of a friend so I was introduced to them. Do you think you'll see them again? Maybe, maybe not, I don't know, but I'd hope to. So you'd hope to, but you haven't, so why don't you go meet more people? Well I don't need to. Why not, you obviously want to see the first person, if they're not there, why wait on them? Well meeting new people isn't that easy. Why not? I don't kno-BINGO

Imagine what Rance would be like
had he not left the computer of his
own accord

It's when we hit that wall that we start to uncover the real reason we're bored. It's because we want things to be a certain way and we don't know how to accomplish that, so we just settle on things the way they are; a goal in mind, but one of which the path to accomplishment is vague and uncoordinated. So instead of figuring it out, which would involve us trailing back to the deep crevices of our mind, we sit back thinking about that goal but missing out the steps inbetween. This is probably because those steps are harder than we'd want them to be; and the world of the internet and other time-sinks keep us graciously occupied so we don't have to mull over our own shortcomings. The thing is, nearly every time, the cause of your boredom is due to you not taking adequate steps to change the future, rather than the future being unchangeable.

For example, let's use the 'Meeting people of the opposite sex' example. Let's just say that due to whatever circumstance, you can't leave your house right now, and no one you know can or wants to come see you. It's possible here to submit to the view "I can't do anything right now," but believe me, that's still going to keep you bored. So instead, turn the situation into something you can build upon. "Why haven't I met many people of the opposite sex?" And "What can I do about it?" Thing is, whatever the dilemma, there is always something you can do to build upon it, and because it's something you really want, you won't get bored of it.

You could practice speaking aloud, even if there's no one there. You could exercise even if you didn't enjoy it previously; the new focus may give you interest. You don't know how to exercise? You could research it. You could get used to standing with authority. You could analyse your body language; or even your spoken language. You could take a look at your facial expressions, practice your smile. Seriously; there is no end to the amount of things pertaining to the topic of 'Meeting people of the opposite sex' that you can practice on your own; and that goes for other topics too. Want to become a good artist? Practice. Don't have a pencil and paper, but have a computer? Then research anatomy, look at other people's art, look at their critique. Don't have a computer? Look at your room, see how shadows form, look for which colours compliment one another. Look at yourself, feel your face and grasp the structure of it.

Basically, don't feel hopeless in the face of your goals, there's always room to pertain to your interests. Just remember that 'doing' is also a part of learning. It's no good sitting from afar and learning, you also have to get out there. You have to draw and you have to meet people and you have to do whatever it is that you want; and when that's impossible, you have to do anything that will make doing what you want more successful.

And believe me if you do that, you won't get bored.

Self-Identity vs Perfectionism

2013-04-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've begun to learn as I get older is to not give a shit about what anyone else does with their life. That being said...

One of the things I will never understand, (actually, I understand it extremely well, I think,) is the desire for self-identification, commonly through the use of labels.

Communist. Feminist. Conservative. Libitarian. MRA. Nerd. Geek. Atheist. Apatheist. Working Class. Upper Class. Aristocrat. Labourer. Gnostic. German. Slav. American. Anglo-Indian. Existentialist.

Here it is: Maslow's Heirarchy.
In the original shrink wrap, too

Essentially all you're doing is limiting yourself. You're making yourself fit into a little group where you can belong; this makes perfect sense when looked at in context with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, (actually it doesn't.) Because you see, labeling yourself as a form of self-identity, while an attempt to fulfil the 3rd need in the hierarchy, conflicts with the 5th need. Now you may say "But! The lower needs are more important for the survival of the individual!" And I would agree; but would you seriously give up self-actualization for a rigid attempt at belonging?

You see, I'm of the viewpoint that belonging should be earned, not self-imposed. You can't say "I'm this," and then be immediately accepted into a group, (truth is you can, that's why we have the internet;) but then, as I said, you're losing your ability to fulfil yourself.

How are you losing this?

Because the scope of human achievement is enormous. To label yourself is essentially a form of settling; "I'm this, I fit in here, this is what I do," and settling is a disengagement from exploration, and exploration is the key to learning, and learning is the first step towards doing.

I find this concept of self-identity so difficult to comprehend probably because of the way I view myself.

All I want to be is the best.

...
...
...

...What does even that mean?

I know, I know: You don't know what the best is, what defines "The best?"

Now I know self-analysis doesn't always rub the right way, but I think that my rather narcissistic desire lays on the prejudice that people settle in situations where they could be conceivably better off.

I mean, take for example the title of this blog. Offense is ... in the mind of the offended. I see plenty of people getting pissed over themselves about the fact that the median wage of women is lower than the median wage for men, (despite that figure not being an accurate representative of earnings based on gender[1],) and I've seen plenty of people getting pissed over themselves that men serve much longer prison sentences than women even when all extraneous factors are controlled for[2].

But you know what I think?

...If you guessed: "He doesn't give a flying fuck," you'd be... not quite correct.

These issues are both annoying and entertaining to me. Annoying to me because other people get annoyed by them and those people in turn annoy me. Entertaining to me because some people become so passionate that it becomes either inspirational or humourous.

I hope this adequately explains
how you'd be

But let's throw other people out of the equation for a second.

...If you guessed: "He doesn't give a flying fuck," you'd be...

You'd be correct.

You know why I don't care?

Because I have a Life I want to live.

A life I'm not quite living yet.

That's what the need for self-actualization is.

I have plenty of time for politics, for video-games, for meeting new people, for painting, writing songs, cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping, exercising, studying; but what I do with my own time doesn't make me who I am. What I feel defines me is how I'm seen by other people; because it is only in the presence of other people that your social identity actually matters. You aren't forging it for yourself, it's the need for belonging that you're trying to compensate for.

(The key word is compensate.)

References:
[1]http://www.consad.com/content/reports/Gender%20Wage%20Gap%20Final%20Report.pdf
[2]http://www.econstor.eu/bitstream/10419/34220/1/556980417.pdf

"Hmph. I have a high-class palate. Don't compare me to a slave like you."

Originally posted on Offence Is on 7th April 2013

Dark Horse Syndrome

2013-04-13T16:45:00.004-07:00

The other day the question occurred to me “Do those really shady, rouge-like characters actually know how cool everyone finds them?” You know, the kind of guys that stick to themselves, mind their own business and every now and again drop into someone's life in order to do something really awesome or personally significant, and then they drop back out again to do whatever it was they normally do until the cycle repeats? I mean guys like Rufus from Bill and Ted, Shadow from Final Fantasy 6, or for something more relatable, a teacher who's popular with their students, but has a low position in the overall hierarchy of their job. The thing is, because of their seclusion from the people who look up to them, most of these people would have no idea of how people receive them. This is further accentuated by the fact that, because the characters are so well received, people would tend to ignore the negative aspects of their character, because outwardly they appear “so cool.” This can lead to an alienation of their own personal strifes, and advocate them as aspirational, when in reality, they may not actually be that admirable a role-model.

Image from Wikipedia

This isn’t so bad when its someone you met briefly in real life, because then it’s more a matter of your perception of that persons character, rather than their actual character, which is likely to be exaggerated and emphasised by your own personal aspirations. But when it’s a character from a work of fiction it becomes more complicated. Because in a work of fiction we don’t only get to see the character while they’re around people, but also while they’re alone; and most of them tend to end up as miserable of tragic characters. Even in the case of real life, it’s unlikely that such a person will live up to the fantasies of grandeur that people place on them. But back to the original question: “Do these people know how cool people find them?” Well we can attempt to answer this by using my favourite emotion: Empathy!

So imagine that you were one of these deviant, but popular characters: you don’t talk much, you keep to yourself, and your only companion is your dog. You own a gun which you know is illegal but you leave on the table in front of you anyway and no one questions it because the longer they ponder your existence the more their fear becomes ubiquitous. Chances are you’re pretty lonely and have to deal with all your stresses by yourself. You know you’re able to do this and you know that’s an admirable quality that not many people carry, but it’s still a burden in its own right. You tend not to have time for other people, and conversation bores you.

Now that you’ve completely (hopefully) engrossed yourself in that character, can you say what people think of you? If that was a bit too exaggerated an example for you but you get the idea, you can always try making up your own one (Imagination!) The point is to think of a character that you find cool, but fits that eccentric or secluded archetype, and then once you’ve really connected with them, switch your viewpoint. Be the person being watched (Your character,) and the person watching (You.)

The thing is that sometimes we get characters in fiction who represent a very strict way of life. These characters are often diligent, deviant and concise in their actions. But as awesome as they seem, it’s very unlikely that anyone would really want to be them, even though they represent the most independent of characters, their choice of lifestyle could rather ironically be one of the most emotionally demanding that there is.

Originally posted on Many Anything on 17th February, 2012