leaderful organisations

What my kids taught me about setting clear expectations

2012-03-12T12:08:00.000+08:00

They’d been helping us clear up after dinner for the past year, and it seemed like it was a good idea to make this their household responsibility.

‘Kids your job is to clean up after dinner on weeknights.’

Seemed like a clear instruction to me. Even if not a popular one.
So how come they went straight from the dinner table to the lounge room, and sat down to watch TV!

‘Well, you said ‘after dinner’ Mum. And that means anytime from now to forever,’ says my wise(guy) son.
‘OK, let me be clearer then: After dinner and before you sit down to watch TV, your job is to clear up.’

Groans, but off they went to do the job. Problem solved. At least until the next night. After dinner… off they went and stood up to watch TV.

OK…how often have I said, ‘Why don’t they just do what I ask!’
Careful what you wish for… they were doing exactly what I asked!

Deep breath…remembering my commitment to raise my kids without violence… sometimes that’s harder than others!
Let me be clear then: ‘Week nights, after dinner, and before you do anything else, your job is to clear up the dinner table and kitchen.’

Wednesday and Thursday went smoothly… phew. Then Friday night, they went straight to the TV. ‘Hey!
What’s going on?! What about the clearning up kids.’
'You said weeknights.'
‘Yes, Friday is a week night.’
‘Well how come you always say, 'Yay, weekend!' and have a glass of wine on Friday night? It’s not fair you keep changing the rules! You’re mean!’

Oh dear and now we’ve got tears too. Darn! Darn! Darn!!
And it’s true - we do say that, we do think of Friday night as the start of the weekend. They’re right.

Why is this so hard!!

I have exactly the same hassle at work! I give a simple instruction but it takes forever to get it through to people so they do what I want. If there’s a way to misunderstand or understand it differently they do. And we all end up frustrated. Aaaarrggh!

Anyway, we get it sorted: ‘Every day except Saturday and Sunday, after dinner, and before you do anything else, your job is to clear up the dinner table and kitchen.’

OK… THAT problem’s sorted. Phew.
A peaceful weekend.

Next week, we have a new routine… but it’s anything BUT easy.
Most nights it goes like this: after dinner, and a period of time in the kitchen, which seems much too short for the task, the kids are back in the lounge room and flop down to watch TV.

‘Have you finished already?’
‘Yes’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes’
‘Properly finished? I mean if I go out there, it will all be done?’
‘YES MUM!!’
I go out…and…no great surprise… it’s not properly finished.
‘Kids….’
‘Whaaaaaaat!!!?’
‘It’s not finished.’
Yes it is!!!!! It’s good enough!
‘No. It is NOT. You need to finish it properly!’
‘You’re just being mean.’
Groans and stomping…Tem more minutes of misery. Half an hour of sulks. This is like pulling teeth. It would be easier to do it myself. Another day of this and I want to tear my hair out and scream.

Fortunately a friend intervenes: ‘Take a photo’ she says.
‘What!?’
‘Take a photo. Then get them to help you finish it properly. Then take another photo and put both on the fridge with the key points circled. Then they can check themselves to make sure they’ve really finished.’

Why didn’t I think of that? So I took 2 photos. And put them on the fridge with a note on each:

If it looks like this, you’re not done yet :-(’
If it looks like this, you’re done. Yay! Come join us :-)

After an incident or two that I won’t describe right now, a couple of other small tweaks were needed before peace reigned – we added what we called

the 3B rule (‘No Blood, No Bruises and No Broken dishes’) and
a limit (‘You can stack the dishwasher but you’re not to start it: we’ll add the detergent and turn it on’).

But we got there... and when I turned what I’d learned into a ‘QQRTP checklist’ to guide conversations about the actions I wanted, and started using it at work, things got better there too.

My kids had taught me how to set a task in a way that saves everyone a lot of misery, frustration and wasted time and effort, by precisely defining the task and the standard required (QQRTP) rather than ambiguously; and without having to threaten, cajole, bribe or punish.

So next time you set a task at work, you might want to check:

Have We Talked About and Agreed (or Set) Expectations regarding

Quantity: How often has this go to be done: precisely?
(Monday to Friday inclusive vs weeknights)

Quality: How good is good enough: precisely? what does finished look
like? How can they tell when they’ve done it properly?
(A behavioural checklist; comparative photo or sample;
measurements; a checklist of criteria)

Resources: What can they use? What can’t they use?
(You can stack the dishwasher, but don’t add detergent or
turn it on; You can do whatever’s needed to solve the problem
safely and quickly as long as you don’t spend over $100. If it’s
over $100, call me before making a decision on buying it)

Time: When precisely do they need start, and when precisely do they
need to be finished

Process: Is there a specific process or protocol they need to follow? Is
there a rule that applies to ensure safety, legal compliance,
valid and reliable results? If so, what is that rule, process or
protocol and why does it matter?)
(eg the 3B rule: ‘no blood, no bruises, no broken dishes’
keeps you safe and makes sure we can spend money on fun
things instead of replacing things).

*To my wonderful children Erin and David apologies for my poetic licence and thanks and everything they did to help me grow up as a human being - I couldn't have done it without you xxx

We Need to Reclaim 'Mateship' for the Good Guys & Gals

2012-02-28T15:12:00.000+08:00

Mateship is lauded as a particularly 'Aussie' value (along with a fair go, larrikinism, courage and generosity of spirit).

Mateship is all about sticking up for each other, looking out for each other, being loyal to each other.

My understanding is that the values and practices of mateship developed amongst Australian soldiers in the first world war as a means of protecting each other other from, and standing up to, a significant cohort of cowardly, malicious and uncaring bullies, and self-serving incompetents who out-ranked them, and who would, without a second thought, put them in harms way.

The only safety was in sticking together to look after each other.

Mateship made sense.

Trouble is, today, mateship seems to have been stolen and perverted by the bullies and self-serving incompetents, so that it is more often used to protect the cowardly, malicious and uncaring people, who somehow find themselves with power, and who enjoy or benefit from putting people in harms way...

Mateship now is misused to stop, by labelling as dobbers, those clear sighted and brave individuals who wish to speak up against bullies, incompetent & petty tyrants, and naked emperors. It's used to prevent good people from saying a darned thing about abusive & derelict powermongers.

I think that is very sad.

I'd love to see good people reclaim mateship and 'out' those who put them, and their mates in harm's way.

The people who lead this change will indeed be leaders.

You Can't Outsource Leadership! (Coaching bullies, harassers & other badly behaved employees)

2012-01-25T10:41:00.001+08:00

Yet that seems to be what many managers attempt to do when they engage a coach... Let me give you an example:

A senior employee is subject of a complaint and found to have engaged in bullying behaviour - a breach of the organisation's policy, a disciplinary matter. A discipline warning is placed on the employee's file and the employee is directed to attend coaching.

That's it. No monitoring, no follow up.

After a lull, employees complain that, once again, they are being bullied, and ask, How can this be happening? Isn't the coach monitoring this and reporting to management that coaching isn't working?'

When managers hear that there are new complaints, they call for a report from the coach on whether or not the employee,

wants to change

is committed to changing

can change

will change and/or

is changing.

The coach reports that the employee is making good use of coaching and even suggests that the employee may be a victim of others' bad behaviour or poor management.

Despite the fact that everyone expects that the coach will change the employee's behaviour... nothing changes. Everyone is frustrated. The costs mount. People continue to be injured .

I believe this outcome is predictable and will be ongoing as long as the coach enables the manager to reneg on their responsibilities by outsourcing leadership to the coach... who, lets face it, has neither the authority, power nor opportunity to manage employee behaviour.

Why isn't it the coach's job to change employe behaviour?
If you think about it, it soon becomes obvious that the coach cannot directly observe or monitor employee behaviour and cannot direct or build discipline around that behaviour. It is hardly likely that the bullying employee will admit to the coach any intention or commitment to inflicting psychological pain or injury. It is highly unlikely they will accurately report what they do and the impact of their actions - after all, can you honestly imagine a bully reporting,

Well you know I am committed to subverting managerial control. I am committed to bullying anyone I can, whenever I can get away with it. And it's been a good week - I shredded the confidence and self-esteem of three employees, set up two people to fight each other, reduced a new kid to a dribbling mess by screaming at her for a minor and imaginary error, and made a colleague look like a complete idiot in front of the boss... and all without getting caught!

In more than 20 years of counselling and coaching, I've only ever had one person own up in any way like this!

Instead what you can predict is that all the actors will get caught up in a repetitive and damaging cycles through what Steve Karpman named the Drama Triangle....with everyone feeling like a Victim and everyone Persecuting and Rescuing each other!

It is however possible to avoid getting you caught up in the drama triangle. Here's how we do it at The Corporate Soul (www.corporatesoul.com.au)

Work only with volunteers – ie with employees who have

negotiated a clear contract for change with their manager or
accepted a directive from their manager to attend coaching
accepted the offer of support from their manager after being directed to change their behaviour at work

Coach, to support effective working relationships

That means you must avoid undermining effective working relationships - specifically, do not take over

any aspect of the manager’s role or responsibilities
any responsibilities of the person being coached

Clarify roles with all parties: Who is responsible for what?

The contract for change is a behaviour or performance contract between the manager (representing the legitimate needs & interests of the business) and the person being coached. This contract is negotiated between the employee and their manager before, or as the first step in, the coaching process.

The coach can facilitate the negotiation of this contract between the manager and the employee if required - for example, by helping the manager

specify, articulate and communicate required behaviours
identify and articulate what is negotiable and what is not
anticipate and handle objections.

The coach cannot and should not decide, nor communicate behavioural (or performance) requirements to the employee. This is the responsibility of the manager.

It is also the manager’s role & responsibility to

set clear expectations about the behaviour or performance required, and when and how that behaviour/performance will be monitored and evaluated
inform the person of the consequences of change/no change, and to check whether or not the person is ‘up for it’ – ie willing to make a commitment to changing behaviour in line with the reasonable requirements of the business, or to developing his or her knowledge, skill or behaviour to the required or desired level
decide what they are prepared to offer, under what conditions, to support the person’s commitment – this support might include external training, coaching, mentoring (and/or other resources). The manager may even direct the person to attend training or coaching to ensure that the person is supported in their efforts to meet their employment requirements.

So, in regard to coaching, the manager – not the coach - should decide

how many sessions are offered over what period of time
if, when and how often the employee should report back on what she/he is learning from coaching and how s/he is applying this on the job.

Who is responsible for changing workplace behaviour?

Regardless of the choice they make, to accept or decline coaching… regardless of the use they make of that coaching or training… the employee remains 100% responsible for his or her work-related behaviour.

It is the manager’s role to communicate this clearly to the person when the offer of coaching or training is made.

If the manager has doubts about the employee’s ability to manage his or her behaviour, appropriate 'fitness for work' assessment should be organised to resolve these doubts and/or to design appropriate work & support where disability is identified.

The manager can, and should, communicate

the coaching or training budget available over & the time frame for use
the degree of choice the person has in regard to providers of coaching or training
whether the person is expected or required to attend a defined number of coaching / training sessions, and if so, the learning or change goals they are expected to pursue in those sessions, and the potential consequences of not attending/changing
whether or not the person is expect to report back on the coaching, and if so:

to whom & how (eg meeting or in writing);
when & how often they are to report back;
what they are to report on,
how the report/s will be used and the potential consequences of the report/s or the decision not to report; and finally,
whether continued access to coaching depends on specified conditions eg on reports on and/or observed changes in behaviour or performance in the workplace, continued employment in a certain role etc.

It is up to the individual whether or not s/he decides to take up this offer, and to make arrangements for sessions directly with the coach. Right from the start, the employee should be expected to take responsibility for taking action, rather than subtly shifting this responsibility to the coach or the manager.

What if the employee refuses coaching?

If the employee is directed to attend coaching, there are clearly consequences to refusal, so their decision should be informed by clear advice from the manager about these consequences. The manager should follow through on these consequences if the employee does not take up the coaching.

The offer of training or coaching is an indication to the employee that their manager values them and believes that they have the potential to develop, behave and perform as needed. This offer communicates that the manager is willing to make a substantial investment to assist them in developing and sustaining the required behaviour and performance.

Either way, it is the employee’s right and responsibility to decide whether or not to utilise the coaching or training offered.

Whether or not the individual takes up the offer of coaching, the employee remains 100% responsible for changing, developing and maintaining their behaviour or performance, and their manager remains responsible for

monitoring and tracking their progress and behaviour in the workplace,
evaluating & providing feedback to them on their behaviour and performance, and
holding them accountable for their behaviour and performance
making and communicating all decisions relating to their behaviour and performance.

Is the coach neutral?No. The coach takes the side of the legitimate interests of the business and the health, safety & human rights of the employee being coached, that person’s manager and any others affected by the employee's decisions and actions.

Should the manager provide a briefing to the coach before coaching?

Yes. There should be transparency between the manager, coach and employee as to:

the behaviour that precipitated disciplinary action
the expectations that have been set with the employee regarding their behaviour, how it will be monitored, follow up and consequences of non-compliance
what support has been offered or directed re coaching and any conditions attached to this offer/directive

Should the coach provide a report or feedback to the employer about what happens in coaching sessions?

Since this would move the coach into Persecutor or Rescuer role, no.

The only report (verbal or email) the coach should provide is to both the manager and the employee, following the first session, and should cover the degree of clarity and alignment there seems to be between the employee, their manager and the coach, on the precipitating issues, what is expected of the employee, and why it matters (implications/consequences for the organisation and the employee). If there is ambiguity, a lack of clarity or disagreement, a joint session can then be recommended to ensure everyone is working from the same page.

Other than this initial report, all coaching sessions should be private and confidential and focus on supporting the person to understand and make wise decisions around their work responsibilities and roles.

How will the manager know what's happening in coaching?

While the coach should not report anything to anyone about the coaching sessions, the employee can, and probably should, be required to account directly to their manager on

how they are using the coaching and / or what they are learning and
how they are applying this at work to change and maintain required behaviours

At the same time the manager should

monitor the employee's behaviour and performance at work to ensure they are meeting, fully and consistently, ALL the reasonable expectations of their role
provide the employee with timely and specific feedback on this
build employee self-management/discipline around this.

That's leadership and it cannot be outsourced.

The Skills Shortage: Retaining Valued Employees

2010-02-15T09:44:00.000+08:00

I've just read an outline for an HR event with a focus on this issue... not surprisingly, the focus is on human resource solutions... system, process and policy design and alignment.

Given that research shows that, skills shortage or not, people quit their boss, rather than the company... it is surprising that strategies for developing, resourcing and supporting leaders and leadership at all levels isn't on the agenda.

That seems central to any serious response to retention challenges.

A New Year: Resolutions or Goals???

2010-01-15T08:55:00.001+08:00

I've been wondering.... why do so many New Year's Resolutions - no matter how sincerely, well intended at the time they are made - amount in so many dismal failures, when research consistently shows goal-setting to be a reliable approach to motivating the behaviours & persistence that lead to achievement?

Maybe its the same reason so many performance management processes fail to produce motivated people and high performance.

Maybe it's because New Year's resolutions aren't goals - they are shoulds...agreed to in order to please or appease our conscience (or those dear others around us who have voluntarily assumed the role of our conscience!)

In the same way, many 'goals' set by managers aren't 'goals'... they are shoulds... agreed to by anxious (and resentful) employees in order to please or appease 'the boss' (in whose hands we have placed our fate).

In a 2006 Fortune article, on What It Takes to be Great, Geoffrey Colvin highlights the difference between a good intention (I want to be a better golfer or I'm gonna improve my game) and regular, sustained and deliberate (ie goal-focussed) practice:

Simply hitting a bucket of balls is not deliberate practice, which is why most golfers don't get better. Hitting an eight-iron 300 times with a goal of leaving the ball within 20 feet of the pin 80 percent of the time, continually observing results and making appropriate adjustments, and doing that for hours every day - that's deliberate practice.

In this example what I have to do (the task) is clear: Hit the ball 300 times.

What I am trying to achieve while doing this (the goal) is equally clear and unambiguous: leave the ball within 20 feet of the pin 80 percent of the time.

Are your New Year resolutions as clearly defined and unambiguous? AHow about the goals you set as work, for yourself or others?

Maybe this year is the year to practice setting defined and unambiguous goals in order to become an effective manager or leader... hmmm now, what would my goal be? How will I define success?

Kiva: Become a Banker, Change A Life

2009-12-12T12:33:00.004+08:00

Do you know about Kiva? Not a charity but a practical way to assist people who through no fault of their own are poor and unable to access bank loans - without microfinance banks such as Grameen and Kiva, they have no alternative but to use money lenders.

So for a small amount of money which you lend, to a person you choose, you can help to change a life.. then another then another...

Which One Is The Leader?

2009-12-11T06:30:00.001+08:00

On the way to the beach for an early morning swim and walk today, we passed a gaggle of runners... one woman was out in front, one chap off to the side of the main group, and a couple of stragglers.

Was the leader the one out front?

Nope...

He was initially indistinguishable... but listening in, it became clear that he was right in the middle of the main bunch.... encouraging, keeping spirits up, giving a preview of the hill ahead and getting everyone psyched up and ready for the extra effort and the feeling of success they'd feel at the top.

Seemed to me to be a pretty good lesson in leadership for the workplace...

Oops your atitude is showing!!

2009-11-27T07:00:00.002+08:00

If you're a manager, supervisor or team leader, the attitude you display has a BIGGGGGGG impact on the people around you.

Here are some winners and losers when it comes to the attitudes you display thorough your facial expressions, choice of words, posture, gestures, tone of voice, pace & pitch...

ATTITUDES THAT KILL MOTIVATION, ENGAGEMENT &; COMMITMENT

(you don't have to SAY these things... you just oooooze them)

I’d rather be somewhere else
Do I look like I care?
Sorry, can’t do
Not my job, Not my responsibility
Not you again
The brush-off (Can't you see I'm busy?!)
It’s us against them
Near enough’s good enough
It’ll never work
I know it all
I’ve got a chip on my shoulder
I’m OK, you’re nothing
Health & Safety second & third, profit first.

ATTITUDES THAT WIN MOTIVATION, ENGAGEMENT & COMMITMENT

I love it here.
I’m keen - I care.
Yes we CAN!
It’s my job: I’ll take responsibility.
You’ve got my full attention.
We’re all on the same team.
We can do better than this
I’m open to new ideas
I don’t know it all
Safety is profitable & smart: Safety matters!

What attitude are you showing?

Read My Mind

2009-11-22T13:57:00.002+08:00

You know...

You know what I mean...

Do I have to explain it...

I shouldn't have to spell it out...

You shouldn't have to be told...

It's obvious to anyone with half a brain...

Why do I have to explain it to you...

Maybe some of these statements have merit in an established, long-term working relationship when you've invested plenty of time and thought in articulating, setting, clarifying, and negotiating expectations, building a common language and common mental models...working together.... exchanging two way, timely and helpful feedback....

On the other hand, if you're using these phrases in the first 6 months or first 3 or 4 work assignments with a new employee, vendor, supplier or contractor (no matter how experienced they are), having spent as little time as possible together, having engaged in mostly one-way communication and critical, even offensive, feedback... then you're expecting them to read your mind!

And that, will, predictably, set you both up for failure, raise your blood pressure and their defences, their stress and frustrate the heck out of both of you!

Productive Workers Are Happy Workers

2009-11-18T10:50:00.005+08:00

Have you ever

had a day where you worked hard all day - sweated blood - but achieved nothing?
worked really hard to finish a job, then had to undo it all or do it again because the boss or client wasn’t clear about what they wanted?
put everything into finishing a job only to be told that it didn’t have to be that good
put everything into finishing a job only to be told 'it’s STILL not good enough'?

Then you know how demoralising and demotivating that can be!

Your first priority as a supervisor, manager, team leader is to get organised and talk to your people so that they can get on with the job with everything they need to get it done right, safely, first time, every time.

‘Everything’ includes all the information they need to be sure that they understand:

what specifically they have to do,
how it fits with other priorities,
when they need to have it done,
how to do it safely, and
how to tell when they’ve ‘finished’ or done ‘good enough’
what to do if they strike a problem or get stuck.

After all, if you're a supervisor, team leader or manager...
It’s Your Job to Set Them Up for Success

4 Word poem

2009-10-16T18:47:00.003+08:00

In between a heap of work (long days and nights to get through it all) I've had a great time following a '6 word poems' thread on the Australasian Facilitators Network discussion ... at the end my mind felt like you do when your tummy hurts from laughter ... I wanted to post a two word poem: Enough. Already

.... but thought it might not convey what I was after.

Now it's the end of the week...so here's my four word contribution to poetry:

Long week. Playing now.

The Manager's Dashboard

2009-07-19T19:22:00.004+08:00

Seth Grodin wrote a blog today on Dashboards and got me thinking...

What if every employee could click a button to let you know when you had:

1. Made a deposit in their goodwill bank account.

2. Made a withdrawal from their goodwill bank account.

3. Did something that improved their skills

4. Robbed 'em of the chance to develop a skill by taking over, doing it for them, overwhelming them with feelings of fear or humiliation.

5. Helped 'em understand what they were there for, what they needed to produce or do and why it matters (how it links in to the bigger picture, how it makes a difference)

6. Made 'em feel like they were wasting their time, shouldn't bother.

7. Helped them gain an Aha!! - helped them see into something they hadn't known, realised or understood before.

8. Helped them find a way forward, clear or overcome an obstacle or resource a shared goal.

9. Achieved something important yourself.

10 Wasted your time.

Would you use it? Would it make a difference to how you manage?

Would it make a difference to the way you talked, walked and interacted???

If not... what would?

And since you probably don't have such a dashboard... how DO you tell how you're doing, when and how you need to change...?

Leaders Listen

2009-06-07T16:13:00.005+08:00

Is that a description of the leaders you've encountered?

Or is it a directive leaders need to note?

I've recently had the privilege of sitting in on a number of leaders' addresses to their staff, and one thing I've noticed that differentiates the best from the good, is their willingness & ability to listen.

The most basic, and perhaps important demonstration of this is a willingness & ability to stand still & comfortable with the almost inevitable, and uncomfortable, pregnant silence that follows their invitation for questions and comment.

The worst don't invite questions or comments - they often don't even turn up.

The best stand still, stay silent and show no discomfort with the silence... the result is always that someone in the audience speaks up.

The good, and pretty average, on the other hand seem anxious with even a second of silence!

They deal with their own discomfort by filling the silence, answering their own question, repeating something they've already said, or starting off on a new tack of their own... what I notice in the audience then, is some raised eyebrows, sideways looks and thought-bubbles that seem to say, Hmmph! Knew it. He doesn't really want us to ask or say anything!

What a lost opportunity!

If, as a leader I can't tolerate 10 seconds of somewhat uncomfortable silence, without filling it with more talk rather than a demeanour of encouraging expectancy... can I really win the hearts and minds that are my most critical resource?

Big Noting Yourself

2009-05-17T21:57:00.009+08:00

Big Noting Yourself : Blowing Your Own Trumpet; Boasting; Skiting; Telling Everyone How Great You Are;

Not a good idea in Australia.(Actually I wonder... Is it a good idea ANYwhere?)

Australians are highly suspicious of self-promotion.

They trust their eyes & their gut sense more than their ears or your mouth. They believe that, if you've really 'got the goods', plenty of other people will speak for you - you won't need to brag, they'll ask around! They also reckon that, if you really can deliver, you'll have a solid track record to prove it, and if they want to see it, they'll ask! Australians trust understatement more than over-statement. Humility more than arrogance or cockiness. Behaviour more than bravado.

So if you start telling everyone how great you are... rather than listening with interest and walking away thinking 'Gee there goes a competent guy I can trust!', Aussies are more likely to switch off, become instant amateur psychologists and begin diagnosing what's wrong with you!

If you're a guy, they will likely conclude:

1. That you must be trying to compensate for your tragic, genital, under-endowment (indicated by rolling their eyes and waving their littlest finger to each other).

2. That you have Daddy issues (he never told you he was proud of you and you're still trying to prove yourself).

3. That you are suffering small man syndrome - telling tall stories to make up for your vertical inadequacy.

4. That you must be incredibly insecure & riddled with deep self-doubt since you have to try to convince yourself (and everyone else) that you're adequate & up to it (whatever it is).

5. All of the above.

The paradox is then, that, the more you try to tell them how good you are; the more you try to persuade them of your brilliance, courage, masculinity; or to tell stories to impress them how good you are... the less convinced they will be and the more they'll go looking for evidence to the contrary! They may even start probing or set you up to prove you wrong. This isn't ill-intentioned -they just want to help you get real! Come back to earth.

Because authenticity - being ridgy didge, being the real deal - is one thing Aussies really appreciate, trust and respect. They don't want you to be a victim of your own PR!

And If you're a woman who boasts...

My observation (biased maybe?) is that women tend not to boast of their accomplishments as often, or as blatantly as men, though I have met one woman who tells all & sundry that she is the queen of her profession. (I've never heard anyone else call her that!) Nevertheless, women can and do sometimes skite - at their peril!

The single unflattering diagnosis Aussies tend to apply to a woman who boasts is that 'she thinks her s_ _ t don't stink'. They'll figure she believes that air from her rear end has the 'fragrance of roses'...and they will be suspicious rather than impressed. In other words, Australians are likely to conclude that a woman who boasts is severely self-deluded... a condition they often attribute to her having never grown out of being 'Daddy's little princess'

So in Oz... don't boast.

Say we. Not I!

Stick to the facts.... don't overstate them. Let them speak for you, let people draw their own conclusions about how good you are - they will anyway.

Finally... never, ever, denigrate anyone AND blow your own horn simultaneously or consecutively - unless you really want to be considered a loser!

(I'd better not give you the Aussie vernacular for that... ;-)

Find Meaning or Make Meaning?

2009-05-13T09:51:00.005+08:00

I've been traveling a lot recently, working with a range of people up and down Australia's east coast, here in Perth, in WA's North West, and in South East Asia and have been involved in some great conversations about emotions, life's unexpected kicks and twists, incivility and conflict, morale and motivation, good bosses, bad bosses and jerks at work... in these conversations, I've been asked a number of times, 'How do you find meaning in work when X happens?'

In this question X can be any number of things - from being restructured again...and yet again; no-one appreciates what you do; your boss /coworkers / colleagues don't care or treat you badly; you are only going to have to do the same routine, boring stuff over and over again; when your marriage falls apart; people let you down; your company is taken over; bad people get promotions and good people get exploited abused etc...

I wish I had an easy answer to this. I don't... though I do have a simple one.

Reading Victor Frankl, Harold Kushner then meeting and working with an emergency aid worker on a project in the remote North-West where we had time at the end of the day to sit and yarn about life, death and loss... at a time when I was still struggling to come to terms with my 12 year old son's death from leukemia, and my own face-to-face encounter with cervical cancer 12 months later... I learned to ask myself two questions:

'What am I making of this?'
'How's that working for me?'

Before I started asking myself these questions, I thought meaning was something in the event itself, something that was outside somewhere, something that had to be found like a nugget of gold... and I'd searched long and hard for it out there, only to find nothing... nada... nix... and I was getting pretty down and very dirty about it!

Yarning with my aid worker colleague one evening about how African women can possibly survive the death of not just one child, but two, three...ALL their children... it suddenly dawned on me that I was making meaning of my experiences and the meaning I was making was that this was personal... that this was all about me!

The questions I yelled at the sky some nights (Why me?! Why my son!?! Why us?! Why did this happen to us!?!? What did we do to deserve this!?!) had at their heart a belief that my loss and pain was somehow directed at me....

This was the meaning I was making of things.

And this meaning was making me miserable. Really miserable.

Yarning under the Milky Way with Bernard, I realised that I had been incredibly fortunate, privileged, to have enjoyed my son for 11 years without ever having that enjoyment darkened by the fear, that he would, in all probability, die before me.

Until his sudden and unexpected diagnosis, I had lived, loved and parented him and our daughter, relaxed in the assumption that he'd outlive me. I had never realised what a rare privilege that assumption was.

Listening to my aid worker colleague, and realising for the first time, that many, if not the majority, of women on this planet, live, love & parent their children in the full knowledge that they will likely lose them to illness, war or starvation, in childhood or adolescence, shocked me deeply.

And woke me up to the stunning realisation that my way of thinking, my Why me?, was shockingly arrogant.

I had, without realising it, turned the personal pain of loss and illness into something that was about me, directed AT me.

The meaning I'd made was that these events were personal. And this meaning I'd made of things was making it impossible for me to move on.

I started wondering 'Why not me?' and this turned out to be a much more helpful question... it led me to question assumptions that I was somehow above the realities of life on this planet (I'd never realised I'd thought like that, but when I did, I was embarrased at my hubris).

It led me to a deeper appreciation of all I had, and somehow connected me into the community of women, mothers, parents in the world who shared and understood the pain and loss of a child. It helped me make new meaning, new sense of my experiences... it wasn't about me. It wasn't about us. It wasn't personal. I felt comforted and no longer alone or persecuted.

I could make something of this experience... I could grow from it.

So now when I'm miserable, or cranky or snarly, I ask myself those two questions:

'What am I making of this?'
'How's that working for me?'

More often than not I find that my misery comes from making it all about me... from taking it personally... and realising that leads me to drop that incredibly unhelpful and fundamentally arrogant meaning, and to make something better of the situation... to put it in perspective without dismissing the feelings. In other words I've learned (and continually relearn) that: Just because the feeling IS intensely personal, and real, it doesn't mean that the event is directed at me personally... it doesn't mean IT's personal!

As leaders in organisations, we influence the meaning people make of things every day, even if we don't realise it. Perhaps we might help if we didn't take things personally or make things personal when they go wrong, get difficult, boring or painful... 'cause, on this planet... they sometimes just do!

First 7 days

2009-04-28T12:47:00.001+08:00

You've just been promoted!

Congratulations! Nice work.

Those guys and gals you worked alongside this past year now report to YOU!

You're their boss.

What do you do now? How do you start?

You've seen others make this move and succeed. You've seen some make this move and bomb out badly - destroy morale & motivation, lose the trust and respect of former friends, put people off, stress out, burnout, flame out.... what have you learned from them? What are the do's and don'ts?

Send us your ideas on the steps to avoid... and the steps to take to succeed in delivering a great bottom line, a great work environment and an enjoyable worklife for your self and those reporting to you, or working along side you?

Guess what that jerk did today!?

2009-04-27T12:26:00.005+08:00

I wonder how many bosses ever think about how their employees talk about them to others. I know that, on occasion, when I've asked this in leadership classes, some have said that they don't care, it doesn't worry them, they've got a job to do and are not there to win a popularity contest... and I can see a grain of truth in this.

On the other hand, they do need to win a daily battle for hearts and minds if their organisations, teams or wrk units are to survive and thrive... and being considered a jerk might just suggest that they are losing this battle.

Anyway, given the well documented costs of incivility in the workplace (loss of productivity, increased turnover, increased absenteeism just for starters) it seems to me that it's worth considering whether, if you're a boss, you're the jerk at work who, in their minds, justifies putting in less effort, care or thought; who gives them a good reason for late return from breaks; for 'not-my-job' style shrugs & hand-offs; for an extra sickday (or mental health day) now and again... and whether these behaviours then fuel your frustration, and whether you use this frustration to justify your incivility and jerk-like behaviours... and so on.

If you are in a leadership role.. I wonder how long it might take you to turn things around and what your first steps might be...

Hi, honey I'm home! Wait 'til you hear what the boss did today... I cannot believe how lucky I am to have such a great boss, especially when I hear what some of my friends put up with!

Critic or Coach?

2008-08-27T05:46:00.005+08:00

In the past week I've had a great time.

I became an instant expert, a decisive judge / adjudicator for the Olympic diving events (3 - 10 metre platforms) prepared to award and deduct points with little hesitation and great confidence, and to argue vociferously with the international panel of judges as to whether a diver had earned a 7 or 6.5....

Suddenly, with no training or credentials, and precious little experience (does a belly flop from the 10m platform at age 10 count?), I was a critic!!

It was terrific fun... and luckily for everyone involved I could exercise my criticism without harm or consequence to anyone, since I did it all from the privacy and comfort of my living room - well out of hearing of divers & judges!

And just as well too because I was at times ruthless and scathing... and perhaps just a tad biased in favour of certain divers whose demeanour suggested a personality and attitude pleasing to me! (I absolutely refuse to accept my partner's suggestion that physical attractiveness played any role in my judging or criticism! I mean really! How shallow would that make me!)

Anway... somewhere on my walk tonight I began to reflect on my behaviour and various managers I've encountered over the past few months who seem to think that all that is required to develop high performance in their staff is to criticise and judge!

Thinking about the divers, it's clear that telling them what they're doing wrong or warning them about what can go wrong won't help... they need clear, correct instruction on how to do it safely and well, clear feedback on what they are doing correctly, and clear guidance and suggestions on actions, changes they can make to do better. It's equally clear that, if they could hear me, my criticism would have little credence since I have absolutely no expertise in diving (and in all truth, the slowmo replays often proved me wrong...oops!).

They need a coach not a critic.

And the same is true for employees!

When it comes to diving, I would NEVER be hired as a coach, since, despite my in-front-of-telly delusions of knowledgeability, the fact is that I have NO idea how to help any diver improve from a 6.5 to an 8... nor do I know how to teach them to dive off a 10metre platform for the first time ever and survive without injury!

When it comes to the workplace, many managers would never be hired by their employees as coaches either - that means they will never be listened to - because, despite their ability and propensity to criticise, they have no idea how to help people improve their performance, nor do they know how to develop someone from scratch.

They think that telling someone what to do (dive off that platform), warning them about doing badly (if you get it wrong you'll kill yourself), criticising their efforts (that's a belly-flop not a dive), and throwing in the occasional marshmallow (token) compliment (well not bad really,you actually hit the water rather than the side of the pool).... is coaching.

It's not!

Coaching involves a lot more skill and work than criticism - probably why many managers avoid it!

The coach has to work out how to deconstruct success or performance, create manageable steps from wherever the protege IS to mastery, provide clear and helpful instruction, devise and develop training plans of strategically paced activities and challenges, and find ways to progressively build skill by offering timely, helpful tips and techniques to correct and improve.

The coach needs to build a history of achievement a sense of growing competence & confidence or efficacy, and to maintain and build motivation and commitment. The coach has to help the performer become an informed, searching, incisive and dispassionate analyst of his/her own performance, manage and learn from failures and setbacks, identify and manage their stinkin' thinkin', their self-talk and imagination, mentally rehearse & visualise success, and anticipate and manage the external environment to eliminate or minimise hazards, obstacles and distractions - even step in to protect or run interference so that the performer can develop... it's a fantastic job requiring insight, skill and commitment!

It can also be dead easy.

The simplest coaching technique I know can make a huge difference to motivation and performance on the job - it's what I ca the Did Well, Do Different technique.

Identify specifically and fully what the person did well - even if it's just ONE thing, then replace your usual But... with So... and describe one or two simple actions they can take to build on that....

'Good line...nice an straight along the whole seam - now use the plane to remove the burrs so that it doesn't catch or cut anything rubbing against it.'

'Great - this is clear and concise - very easy to understand. Now go through this second part and underline every word ending in _ion. Rewrite the sentence containing that word, so that it ends in _ed or _ing. That will turn reduce the fog factor - it will turn it from passive voice into active voice, and make it engaging and easy for the reader to follow. How about we do one together so it's clear what I mean?'

'OK so, let's se... you're eye contact was good during the talk - you scanned and looked at each person in the audience using the one thought, one person technique we've been practising. Terrific work! So now, let's work with bringing your hands into the presentation to enhance the visual impact. How about this time you run through the first three minutes without allowing your hands to touch the podium or your body. Imagine you're the conductor of an orchestra...move them to accompany your words. It will be over the top, yes, because, for now, we want to fre up the movement and unlearn what you've been doing unconsciously... we'll move on to some other ways to use your hands once we master this.'

You may have been a critic up 'til now...how about starting to coach?

Give Did Well Do Different a shot.. or two...or three...and when you master it, add another coaching tip to your kit!

Who knows, before you know it, you'll have a high performance team and a heap of fun.

Smart Rules for Leaders Who Drink

2008-07-21T06:00:00.001+08:00

Having recently attended a number of work-related social events I have realised the extent to which leaders and aspiring professionals can inadvertently undermine themselves and their effectiveness. I offer the following 'rules' for smart leaders...

1. Don't be the drunkest person in the room: EVER!

Appoint a trusted minder to help you with this.

2. Don't engage in harassment or vilification: EVER!

Don't arm potential litigants with evidence of sexual, racial, religious or other prejudices, discrimination or harassment

3. Don't tell stories about past bosses or employees that show them in a bad light and you in a good light - it brings your ethics and loyalty into question as people wonder what you'll say about them in the future.

4. Don't boast about YOU - Boost the team, give others centre stage and be a great audience - shhhh, applaud, cheer!

5. Don't push alcohol onto people.

6. Don't encourage drunken revelations.

7. Don't dial drunk - take a different mobile with you when you drink.

One that has only emergency and family numbers in it.

8. DO take the opportunity to prove yourself trustworthy - relax, yes, be friendly, yes, and remain professional, yes, yes, yes.

9. When you want to let your hair down, DO so with friends with whom your primary relationship is family or social, rather than work or business.

10. At least once in your professional life, DO have a trusted advisor videotape you drunk in a professional setting. I think you'll find it a whole heap easier to follow these rules after you watch the video!

Lessons on Power and How to Wield It

2008-07-13T11:19:00.007+08:00

Never underestimate the power of one...

Mandela and Gandhi were once 'nobodys' in the world's eye... yet both overthrew powerful oppressors.

So there might be just one or two things we can pick up from the lessons on leadership Nelson Mandela offers us on his 90th birthday.

Pyramid Model: Managing & Developing A Sustainable Business

2008-07-03T06:00:00.000+08:00

If people in leadership positions fail to manage and develop our business, chances are it will become uncompetitive and/or unsustainable even if we attend to the other four areas of the leadership pyramid.

This area is placed at the peak of the pyramid because it's from here that we need to look

over the big picture and the balance between the four points below;
ahead to the future and
out at the dynamic 21st century environment in which we are conducting our business
to ensure alignment rather than fragmentation or stagnation

When supervisors and managers ignore their responsibility for managing AND developing the business, the leadership team fragments and leaders start to focus on their personal agendas; silos and 'empires' develop; succession gaps emerge; communication gaps develop; ambitious staff become frustrated; competitive threats build; decision making becomes increasingly reactive and crisis management becomes the norm - the business starts to run the managers; to find, foster and develop future leaders;!

So the challenge here is to make time

for strategic activities such as environmental scans, scenario planning, business reviews and long term/strategic planning;
build and maintain full and open communication and cooperative relationships with, and between, the members of the senior management team;
to find and develop new business;
to build and sustain effective working relationships with key external stakeholders (including the communities that give the business a 'social license' to operate);
to hold managers and leaders accountable to the business and their people;
to keep the leadership pipeline flowing by identifying, fostering and developing future leaders and by creating opportunities for them to grow and lead;
to attract, recruit, leverage and retain talent;
to ensure that the intellectual capital of the business is retained, leveraged and developed;
to secure supply sources...and more.

A Post for A Winter Monday Morning

2008-06-30T06:13:00.000+08:00

To help get your week off to a wonderful start...

One Buttock Leadership

2008-06-28T08:23:00.002+08:00

A different approach to leadership from Ben Zander...what's it got to do with leadership? What's one-buttock leadership? Where do you put emphasis? What must a leader believe?

What should a leader think about while implementing the plan?

Watch and learn, wonder and enjoy....

Not Everyone Who Has A Problem, Wants a Solution

2008-06-10T08:12:00.005+08:00

This is one of the hardest things for us to understand. But, in reality, we've all been there.

So why do they tell us if they don't want to find a solution?

Well, because sometimes...

1. We want to tell you... and her... and him... and them.... and to milk it for every bit of attention possible... and if YOU solve it.... you spoil our fun.

2. We don't want to solve it - we want YOU to adopt our problem, take it off our hands!

3. We want you to join us in the blame game. Some of us find fault like there's a reward for it... or so it seems, but maybe we just want to divert attention from our faults by telling true, but slightly twisted (in-our-favour) tales, that show up other people's faults and failings.

4. We are caught up in the drama and trying to convince you (and ourselves, and anyone else who will listen) that, in this part of our lives at least, we are helpless victims, incapable of solving our problems, persecuted by baddies and in need of rescue by goodies (and we're just giving you an audition for the role of goody in our little drama - if you fail, you're obviously another baddie!)

5. We're just passing time talking ABOUT our problems... we're not interested in action! I mean, gosh... that takes effort and energy, and talking about it is far more rewarding!

So what to do?

Well you might:

Listen for a short while... and let us know that you'll be really interested to hear back from us when we've sorted it out... or that when we've got a plan on how to solve it, to let us know if we can help.... set limits to how long or how many times you will listen... move on... look for opportunities to give us your full and positive attention when we are solving problems, when we're actively engaged in productive or healthy activities.
Give us some feedback to the effect that although we you're sure we are unhappy about the situation, we don't sound like we we're taking responsibility for solving it.
Offer 3 suggestions, and if they all get knocked back, say something like, 'Well, that's strike 3 for me. I'm out. Let me know when you get it sorted.'
Offer us a deal: If we agree to give you our best 3 suggestions for a problem you're facing, you promise that you will say, 'Thankyou, I'll give that some honest thought and use or adapt it to get this sorted. No buts, No argument' ... then, as long as we agree to say only 'Thankyou, I'll give that some honest thought and use or adapt it to get this sorted. No buts, No argument'.... you will give us your best 3 suggestions for our problem.

Pyramid Model: Manage the Work Processes

2008-06-09T06:00:00.004+08:00

When supervisors and managers ignore their responsibility for managing AND developing the way work is done, waste increases, competitiveness decreases and knowledge workers - who can see better ways of doing things and opportunities to do things better, faster, easier - lose motivation and commitment.

So the challenge here is to make time to map, improve and radically change processes, in order to maintain alignment with the demands of the business, and the business environment.

Given that most managers are Digital Immigrants and most technical professionals are Net Gen-ers and Digital Natives, the manager has to learn to let go and share leadership in this area of the pyramid, probably more than any other.