“Why?”

It was the most important, meaningful question you ever asked and nothing happened until you got a satisfying answer.

As we grow up our subconscious still asks the same question every time we are set a task or given an instruction. But as adults, usually we ask it subconsciously. And, unless we have been told the purpose for doing a task, we silently provide our own answers to that question “Why?”.

In the workplace, when we ask ourselves why we should do something, our subconscious response is based on our past experiences or our understanding of the situation or the person setting the task.

Our response might range from positive reasons why we should do something, such as “because I’m the expert at this” or “because it’s critical for successfully completing this project”, through to reluctant reasons such as “because I’ll lose my job if I don’t”.

If someone can’t instantly come up with a good reason to complete a task they may not bother. It may just continually slip to the bottom of their list, no matter how important you might think it is.

When everyone feels so busy all the time, the worst thing a task can be is pointless. If there is no purpose behind a task you can expect to meet resistance. It’s the same if something’s purpose is not clear.

For example, you will notice a huge difference in response between: “Please pick up the rubbish near the front entrance” and “Please pick up the rubbish near the front entrance because we want everyone to feel welcome.” The second includes a simple statement of the purpose behind the task and is much more likely to be complied with than the first one.

There is power in spelling out the purpose behind a simple task, just as there is in making the purpose of a major project, and even your whole organisation, clear and explicit.

Some reasons are much more satisfying or motivating than others. But any reason at all is better than no reason.

The point is that if someone is unclear about your purpose they are unlikely to make your task a priority. By explicitly stating the purpose behind any task, project or your very existence, you help people understand why it is important and they are far more likely to act in they way you want.

So spell your purpose out. Don’t leave it up to them in case they can’t immediately work it out. Every time you give an instruction or assign a task or establish a project or start something new, make your reason for doing so clear and explicit. Answer the question “Why?”.

(More ideas on the Power of Purpose in the Quick Tips below.)

QUOTE OF NOTE

“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

Johann von Goethe (1749-1832)

QUICK TIPS

* As a leader the ultimate purpose of all work is to realize your vision of a better future. Explain to your people how any task you are assigning, or new project you are starting, links in to this vision.

* Being explicit about the reason why you are holding a meeting will help keep everyone focused on the outcomes you need. A simple statement such as “The reason why we are meeting is to decide who will do what at the trade exhibition next week.” makes the purpose for your meeting clear and guarantees better results.

* Use the word because… For example: “I have asked Lee to help you with this because I want you to teach Lee how to do it. I want either one of you to be able to do it on your own next time because it is such a critical part of what we do.”

* Use the phrase so that… For example “Next week we will all have to use the stairs so that the elevator can be repainted to match our new decor.”

The post The Leadership Power of Purpose first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

If your employees are not motivated, your business will suffer from the inside out and it could begin to crumble one employee at a time. Soon, you’ll be surrounded by poor, dissatisfied employees with the good ones gone seeking job fulfillment elsewhere.

Without question, people work to make money, to make a living and support their family and the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed or would like to achieve. But, if your business strives to maintain a healthy environment it must go beyond monetary reward. If we fail to gain fulfillment in our work and feel needed then the paycheque becomes secondary and may not be worth it at all.

1.  Treat your employees with respect. If possible, learn their names and address them as such each time you see them. If their job gives them no dignity they will dread coming to work and want to leave as soon as possible. Without respect, there is no company loyalty and they will undermine you each chance they get.

2.  Earn your employees trust. Make them feel an important part of the company’s success. Share with them company plans for change and expansion. Communicate with employees individually and as a group. If they hear about a change in their company from an outsider or on the news, they feel left out and even betrayed. Be generous with inter office memos to be followed with meetings in person. Lack of communication with employees is one of the chief reasons for inter office turmoil. When the truth is not shared, false rumours can triumph.

3.  Listen to what your employees have to say. In many cases, your employees are closer to the job than you are. They have a feel for what’s right and what’s wrong and will be willing to share this information with their employer if they’ll listen. You may not want to take action on all their suggestions, but give them an opportunity to vent. You may be surprised at what’s going on right under your nose.

4.  Show your appreciation. Merit raises are nice but sometimes not feasible. Schedule an appreciation day with a small party or get together. Perhaps name an employee of the month. Present them with small tokens of your gratitude such as a bonus, employee pin or a coupon for dinner. Your appreciation should be spread throughout the year, not just at an annual meeting. Frequent boosts of employee morale are essential.

5.  Provide employees incentives for advancement. No one wants to work in a dead end job. Find out what each employee wants in the job and in life in general and express an interest in helping him or her to fulfill those desires. Many times you’ll learn they want nothing more than to love what they do and feel they’re contributing to the overall effort.

Your employees deserve to have your respect, trust and appreciation. Communicate with them and provide work incentives and your employee motivation skills will greatly improve. So will your business.

Further reading:

The post 5 Ways to Improve Your Employee Motivation Skills first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

How effectively you give instructions is going to be one of your important and defining features as a leader. Whether you like it or not, giving instructions will make up much of your job!

But in order to do this well, you need to know how to give instructions and how to ensure the best outcome.

There are two particularly important things you need to do…

1. Be Clear and Precise

The first and most important thing you need to do, is to be clear and precise. The reason for this is that you need to be able to prevent mistakes and misunderstandings. If you give unclear instructions, then that will either lead to your team needing to ask for more information and clarification from you (wasting your time and theirs) or to them making mistakes that can lead to big problems and possibly cost you money.

This means that a good leader is also a good communicator by default. If you’re not a good communicator… train yourself to be!

2. Explain Why

What’s even more important though, is that you explain the why of what you are asking people to do. This puts what you are asking someone to do in context and helps them to deliver the best. outcome for you.

In fact, even better is to ask people to achieve a certain result, tell them why and give no or few instructions on how. If your people have the skills required to do the task, this is a very effective way to give instructions. This makes you a more hands-off leader and less of a micromanager. Your people will like this because it gives them more work satisfaction and makes them feel trusted.

Explaining the what and why more than the how, can allow your team to be flexible where necessary.

An example might be that you tell your staff they need to print 500 fliers and deliver them around the neighbourhood. What happens if the printers break? Or if the roads are blocked? Now your team will either be stuck, or they’ll come to you to ask for direction.

If instead, you had told your team they need to get 500 adverts out in your local area. This now opens up many contingency plans and other options. Perhaps they could outsource the flier creation to a printing company for instance, or they might use email instead or advertise somewhere prominent.

Either way, they have now understood and achieved the required outcome quicker and more effectively because they haven’t had to ask your permission for every slight deviation in the plan!

Check out the Leadership With Authority MasterClass for more helpful ideas to develop your Leadership Skills.

The post How Good Leaders Give Good Instructions first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

This means that good leaders need to have good skills in persuasion.

If you are struggling to get others on your side, to get what you want from the people on your team – either up or down the chain of command – it may be that your persuasion skills need some work.

As a successful leader you need to be able to carry yourself with confidence and present your ideas, vision and message so that you persuade others to join you in realising your vision.

If you want to:

• Be respected for your capacity to get others ‘on board’ with your agenda
• Know how to turn a No into a Yes
• Discover the simple secrets to being consistently more persuasive

have a look at our latest quick guide: Persuasion for Busy Leaders  http://kmginfo.com/go/persuasion

It’s not designed to make you a leading academic authority on persuasion, just a much more persuasive leader in as little time as possible.

Click here to check it out now and see if it’s something that could help you be the best leader you can be.

The post By definition a leader is… first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

Think of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let’s go.

There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, fierce, important (you get the idea) conversations. (In fact, I list several excellent resources at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to someone, but you don’t. Maybe you’ve tried and it went badly. Or maybe you fear that talking will only make the situation worse. Still, you feel stuck, and you’d like to free up that stuck energy for more useful purposes.

What you have here is a brief synopsis of best practice strategies: a checklist of action items to think about before going into the conversation; some useful concepts to practice during the conversation; and some tips and suggestions to help you stay focused and flowing in general, including possible conversation openings.

You’ll notice one key theme throughout: you have more power than you think.

Working on Yourself: How To Prepare for the Conversation

Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions:

1. What is your purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish? What would be an ideal outcome? Watch for hidden purposes. You may think you have honorable goals, like educating an employee or increasing connection with your teen, only to notice that your language is excessively critical or condescending. You think you want to support, but you end up punishing. Some purposes are more useful than others. Work on yourself so that you enter the conversation with a supportive purpose.
2. What assumptions are you making about this person’s intentions? You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized, but be cautious about assuming that this was the speaker’s intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.
3. What “buttons” of yours are being pushed? Are you more emotional than the situation warrants? Take a look at your “backstory,” as they say in the movies. What personal history is being triggered? You may still have the conversation, but you’ll go into it knowing that some of the heightened emotional state has to do with you.
4. How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it? If you think this is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be. If you truly believe that whatever happens, some good will come of it, that will likely be the case. Try to adjust your attitude for maximum effectiveness.
5. Who is the opponent? What might he be thinking about this situation? Is he aware of the problem? If so, how do you think he perceives it? What are his needs and fears? What solution do you think he would suggest? Begin to reframe the opponent as partner.
6. What are your needs and fears? Are there any common concerns? Could there be?
7. How have you contributed to the problem? How has the other person?

4 Steps to a Successful Outcome

The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. No matter how well the conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy. Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off center–and choose to return again. This is where your power lies. By choosing the calm, centered state, you’ll help your opponent/partner to be more centered, too. Centering is not a step; centering is how you are as you take the steps. (For more on Centering, see the Resource section at the end of the article.)

Step #1: Inquiry

Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity. Pretend you don’t know anything (you really don’t), and try to learn as much as possible about your opponent/partner and his point of view. Pretend you’re entertaining a visitor from another planet, and find out how things look on that planet, how certain events affect the other person, and what the values and priorities are there.

If your partner really was from another planet, you’d be watching his body language and listening for unspoken energy as well. Do that here. What does he really want? What is he not saying?

Let your partner talk until he is finished. Don’t interrupt except to acknowledge. Whatever you hear, don’t take it personally. It’s not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this phase of the conversation. You’ll get your turn, but don’t rush things.

Step #2: Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment means showing that you’ve heard and understood. Try to understand the other person so well you can make his argument for him. Then do it. Explain back to him what you think he’s really going for. Guess at his hopes and honor his position. He will not change unless he sees that you see where he stands. Then he might. No guarantees.

Acknowledge whatever you can, including your own defensiveness if it comes up. It’s fine; it just is. You can decide later how to address it. For example, in an argument with a friend, I said: “I notice I’m becoming defensive, and I think it’s because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want to talk about this topic. I’m not trying to persuade you in either direction.” The acknowledgment helped him (and me) to re-center.

Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with agreement. Keep them separate. My saying, “this sounds really important to you,” doesn’t mean I’m going to go along with your decision.

Step #3: Advocacy

When you sense your opponent/partner has expressed all his energy on the topic, it’s your turn. What can you see from your perspective that he’s missed? Help clarify your position without minimizing his. For example: “From what you’ve told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that I’m not a team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, I’m thinking about its long-term success. I don’t mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intention is clear.”

Step #4: Problem-Solving

Now you’re ready to begin building solutions. Brainstorming and continued inquiry are useful here. Ask your opponent/partner what he thinks might work. Whatever he says, find something you like and build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to inquiry. Asking for the other’s point of view usually creates safety and encourages him to engage. If you’ve been successful in centering, adjusting your attitude, and engaging with inquiry and useful purpose, building sustainable solutions will be easy.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The art of conversation is like any art–with continued practice you will acquire skill and ease.

Here are some additional tips and suggestions:

• A successful outcome will depend on two things: how you are and what you say. How you are (centered, supportive, curious, problem-solving) will greatly influence what you say.
• Acknowledge emotional energy–yours and your partner’s–and direct it toward a useful purpose.
• Know and return to your purpose at difficult moments.
• Don’t take verbal attacks personally. Help your opponent/partner come back to center.
• Don’t assume your opponent/partner can see things from your point of view.
• Practice the conversation with a friend before holding the real one.
• Mentally practice the conversation. See various possibilities and visualize yourself handling them with ease. Envision the outcome you are hoping for.

How Do I Begin?

In my workshops, a common question is How do I begin the conversation? Here are a few conversation openers I’ve picked up over the years–and used many times!

• I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.
• I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.
• I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?
• I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, “Sure, let me get back to you,” follow up with him.
• I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this.
• I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas about how to _____________________.
• I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.

Write a possible opening for your conversation here:

_______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Good luck! Has this article has been useful? Please let me know.

Download the pdf version of We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

Resources

Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer
The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum
Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler
FAQs about Conflict, by Judy Ringer

About the Author

Judy Ringer is a conflict and communication skills trainer, black belt in Aikido, and founder of Power & Presence Training and Portsmouth Aikido. Would you like free tips and articles every month? Subscribe to Ki Moments!

The post We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

The post How to Overcome Laziness and Procrastination first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.”

George Sheehan

There are such strong links between leadership and success.  Try re-reading that and replacing the word ‘Success’ with ‘Leadership’ and see what I mean…

“Leadership means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.”

This year I wish you all the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you were meant to be.

The post Leadership Success Quote first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

False wisdom is plenty of ignorance, arrogance and impudence.”

Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw) (1815-1885)

I always like this quote because it emphasises that experience is not enough.  Experience has to be combined with observation and reflection in order to bring true wisdom.

Do you take the time to turn what you experience into true wisdom?

The post Quote – Unquote first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

Warren Buffett

The post Leadership Quote to Consider first appeared on Leadership Skill Center Blog.

What about if you are the one being bullied? If your boss, or even a colleague is bullying you, how should you handle that situation?

Just as you need to have no tolerance for bullying within a team you lead, if you are the one being bullied, at some point you will need to stand up for yourself in the face of bullying.

Remember, any bullying or harassment in the workplace is unacceptable and needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Everyone, including you, has a right to feel safe at work and to be treated with respect.

However it is important to resist the urge to try to ‘get back’ at the bully or lower yourself to their tactics in your response.

Exactly how you respond in a situation will depend on the specific context. If you find yourself being publicly bullied or harassed your response may need to be different to a situation where you face secret threats or manipulation.

Either way it is a good idea to prepare yourself before you respond so you can be strong enough to be calm and assertive in your response, no matter how loud and abusive the bully might be. If you become angry and aggressive or ‘fight’ back it will not help in the long term and the bully may even be able to convince others that the problem is all your fault.

So hold your ground. Stay calm. Interrupt a verbal tirade by saying that you both want what’s best. Simply showing that you can be brave in the face of a stream of abuse can help deflect a bully. Often, the bully singles out targets who avoid any conflict since they know that they’ll be more likely to get their way.

A powerful way to interrupt a bully is to say their name. Look into their eyes, speak in a strong clear and firm voice, and repeat their name until they stop talking.

Then take control by asking short questions. Ask short direct clarifying questions and keep asking them until the bully begins to calm down. Don’t get into a discussion, just ask further clarifying questions to show you are trying to really understand what has upset them.

Asking questions can be effective in a variety of different situations, including attacks in front of coworkers, private confrontations or in meetings so it is worthwhile learning this technique.

Concentrate on maintaining a calm appearance – no matter how you are really feeling inside. The louder and more out-of-control the bully is, the calmer you need to appear to be in contrast to them.

Paraphrasing the bully’s responses, deferring the discussion until later when things are more measured or others will be present, even gentle humor – particularly if you can laugh at yourself – can all help to defuse a situation.

However you respond, bullying is serious and needs to be addressed. If you can’t handle it on your own, you need to bring in someone to support you in dealing with it. This can obviously be difficult if the bully is the person you report to. When that is the case you may need to look to other parts of your organization (possibly someone in Human resources or your boss’s boss?) or an external Coach or Mentor to help you to tackle the situation.

At some point you may even decide the bullying is not worth your energy in trying to deal with it and you would rather move on. Should that situation arise, take care to never burn your bridges. If you can’t take any more and can’t get help, you can make your exit but be sure to keep your dignity intact.

If you do decide you must leave your position because of bullying, try to make the decision to leave outside of the emotional realm. When you hand in your notice, do so later, with a cool head, not brimming with rants or fuming about the unfair treatment you got from someone. Remember, you may need those people to vouch for you at some time in the future.

When you do it this way, you get to enjoy a better sense of control. You will reach greater heights of success if you manage to hold your head up high and always maintain your dignity.

Finally if you do find yourself needing to deal with bullying or harassment, make sure you care for yourself, manage your stress levels, maintain a balanced perspective and keep your sense of humor. Take the time to feel good about yourself and stay grateful for what you’ve been blessed with. Remind yourself that as long as you’re doing what’s right, you’ll be fine.

Dealing with a bully can be stressful. For powerful stress management techniques check out the Stress Free Course now at: http://kmginfo.com/go/stressfree – completely free: My gift for you.

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