I’ve said before that having a critical conversation with a teammate doesn’t have to be a negative encounter. I’ve had some of my best coaching and growth conversations with teammates during critical conversations.

We can remove a lot of our own anxiety in having these conversations by adequately preparing for them. It puts us more at ease, helps us clarify our message, and allows us to have a balanced perspective when talking to teammates.

I’ve blogged about having critical conversations in the past, but today I want to share seven additional tips that I’ve found helpful when preparing to have a critical conversation with a teammate.

1. Prepare your message. Don’t wing it. Preparing for this conversation doesn’t take days. It just takes minutes. Find a quiet place with a blank piece of paper and list your areas of concern about your teammate’s activity that prompted the need for this conversation. This will help keep your face-to-face conversation focused.
2. Prepare your mind. We often have a critical conversation because we’re disappointed or concerned with an employee’s performance. To balance your mind, think of a time when you were so appreciative of this employee. When did they please you or perform well? This will help you avoid going into the conversation with an unfair angry or negative attitude toward the employee. Crucial conversations are designed to be candid yet caring. Be “for” the person but candid about the desired actions.
3. Prepare your teammate. Give the person a head’s up before your critical conversation so he too can prepare his mind. Say something like, “There are some things I’d like to talk about with you regarding your performance. I’d like you to come with an open mind to listen.” You don’t need to give details, but you also don’t want your employee caught off guard during the conversation. The timing of your heads up is important. This is simply a couple of hours or even 30 minutes. Don’t give them a Friday heads up for a Monday conversation. Let them decide how much time they need to ponder the conversation. Ask, can you meet later today or tomorrow? Most often they will want to meet sooner rather than later.
4. Focus on the teammate. Remind yourself of this person’s values and strengths so you know how to have this conversation. Will they need specific examples? How can you motivate and not discourage? Different employees require different approaches. If they are a processor then they will need time to analyze their conduct. If they are highly relational then they will be up all night worried about improving. Depending on the situation you may want to schedule a 30 minute follow-up meeting the next day.
5. Remember to manage results and lead people. Better performance can’t be forced; it must be understood and desired. Think through how you can influence your teammate to improve and the specific tasks they need to improve upon.
6. Create a safe environment. You create a safe environment by starting it. You can’t force a teammate to be vulnerable. You must go first.
7. Establish the expectations. What do you want the teammate to change or start doing after the conversation? Know how you will hold them accountable.

Click here for additional posts on having critical conversations.

This week I attended a webinar hosted by Dan Rockwell (Leadership Freak blogger) as he interviewed Stephen M. R. Covey on the crisis of trust. If you attended this learning event, I think you’ll also agree that it was an excellent webinar, and Covey made some great points about trust and leadership. One, in particular, struck a chord with me as he talked about the importance of vulnerability in regards to leadership and in building trust.

He said, “Vulnerability is influence-ability.” Now, that, my friends, is a powerful statement! And what is leadership, again? Influence! So, vulnerability increases our ability to influence (lead) others.

Why is vulnerability such an attractive yet rare leadership trait? It’s rarely talked about. I believe it’s because many leaders believe vulnerability is a sign of weakness. The truth is vulnerability is actually a sign of confidence. It takes a confident person to be  willing to open themselves up and be vulnerable.

So, what does vulnerability look like in a leader? Here are some examples to live out:

• Listening to others’ opinions and thoughts without being judgmental or jumping to conclusions (or interrupting!)
• Asking for teammates’ feedback and accepting that feedback without becoming defensive
• Admitting when you’re wrong so others can see your self-awareness
• Always being honest
• Sharing – rather than hoarding – information
• Taking necessary risks to build or strengthen the relationship
• Understanding that, though you may be the leader, your way isn’t always going to be the best way
• Investing in and growing others for their benefit
• Not concerning ourselves with political posturing
• Striving to understand where people are coming from
• Showing that you honestly care about the people with whom you work
• Allowing others’ strengths to fill in for your weaknesses

Isn’t fulfillment at work something nearly all of us want to find? After all, if we’re going to spend 40-plus hours 50 weeks a year doing something, it should be something that we find personally rewarding. So whose responsibility is it to ensure your workdays are satisfying?

The Leader’s Role

As a leader, you can do many things to influence your teammates’ sense of fulfillment in their work. They include:

• Creating fun in your work
• Fostering open communication
• Making your department a safe environment for sharing, debating, and discussing ideas
• Being available to your team
• Relying on and using your teammates’ strengths
• Building a team that works together rather than against each other
• Giving your teammates the freedom to think – about solutions, new ideas, new products, etc.

The Employee’s Role

As a teammate, it’s important to know that though our leader should work to create an environment that fosters fulfillment, it’s up to us to find the fulfillment in our work. Each of us has a significant role in our own fulfillment, whether or not it’s a concern of our leader. Here are just a few ways you can find fulfillment in your work.

• Know what fulfillment looks like to you. Is it helping others? Flexibility for time with your family? More money? Think of the most fulfilling job you’ve ever had. List the characteristics that made it fulfilling, and then brainstorm about how you can incorporate those characteristics into your current job.
• Count the wins, no matter how small. If you work in a less-than-fulfilling environment, it’s easy to focus on everything that annoys or upsets us. Intentionally seek out and focus on the wins that help you feel fulfilled – whether it’s making one customer happy or helping one co-worker every day.
• Have positive attitude. Our frame of mind greatly impacts how we feel about what we do. Choose to focus on the positive.
• Be open to trying new things. If you feel your current role or environment prevents you from being fulfilled, look for opportunities that will get you closer to that fulfillment – whether it’s learning a new skill or seeking out a new role in the organization.

Silos. Turf wars. Unhealthy competition. They’re present at some level in nearly every organization, regardless of their size. And they drive us crazy! They slow progress, prevent teamwork, and build distrust between leaders and teams, yet most of us have come to accept dealing with these roadblocks and frustrations as an unpleasant but necessary part of the job.

In reality, just because silos and turf wars exist doesn’t mean we can’t work to break down those barriers and begin working with, rather than against, other departments throughout our organizations. Here are four actions I’ve found that can help foster collaboration between teams and departments.

1. Be willing to trust. In fact, be willing to trust first. Trust is built over time, yes, but initially one party must be willing to take the risk and trust the other leader or team in good faith. If trust is never present, a silent, underlying agenda exists for individuals and teams to protect and preserve themselves first, over and above what’s best for the organization.
2. Protect your first team first. Your first team is your team of peers, not your team that you lead or that reports to you. When the leader feels like his first team is the team that reports to him, a silo as automatically formed.
3. Share information. Closed communication and hoarding information are twoof the quickest ways to build those barriers. Information isn’t power! Influence is power. Increase your influence by sharing the information others need to do the best job possible.
4. Get everyone going in the same direction. Every department has its own goals and projects, but all those goals and projects should be pointing to the one thing everyone in the organization is working to accomplish. Make sure everyone in your organization knows your vision and that one thing.

A few months ago Seth Godin wrote a great post on “Building your backlist.” A backlist, Seth says, is what publishers call the stuff that was published a while back but is still selling. Authors and musicians have long had a backlist, yet as Seth points out, today we all do, thanks to the Internet. Our presentations, our articles, our comments, our shares, and really all our social media activities all have a very, very long shelf life.

This concept made me think about our backlist as leaders. The decisions we made, the way we treated people, the promises we did and didn’t keep, what we said on Facebook, the emails we sent praising, criticizing, or complaining – all these things make up our backlist. They might be in the past, but we do have to live with them forever. They may never surface on the Internet, but they will live on in the hearts and minds of the people we influence.

What’s that saying? “People may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” So true when it comes to leadership.

Everything you do and say contributes to your backlist. Lead today in a way that builds a backlist you will be proud of tomorrow.

Teachers will remind us that, “there’s no such thing as a dumb question.” And that’s true. However, in business there are questions that seek to dig deeper and make our leader think, and then there are questions that take up our leader’s valuable time or make our leader think
for us.

Good Questions:

• Help us understand our leader’s thought process behind their decisions so that we can learn to approach opportunities and challenges as they would
• Make our leader think about options or obstacles they haven’t considered
• Allow us to gain a better understanding of our organization or our industry

Examples of Good Questions:

• “Can you explain to me how you came to that decision? I want to understand your thought process so I can understand how you approach these situations.”
• “I know that the last time we worked with a client like this turnover was a huge issue. How do you see us dealing with that issue this time around?”
• “How do you envision XYZ Product fitting into the marketplace?”

Poor Questions:

• Answer something that you could learn on your own if you did your research
• Make your leader think for you
• Bring no value to the conversation

Examples of Poor Questions:

• “What are other companies in our region who do what we do?” (A quick Internet search would give you a good idea of who your competitors are.)
• What should I do? (Instead, offer up what you think you should do, then ask your leader for their thoughts on your proposed actions.)
• Why do we have to help accounting again? They’re always asking for help. (Complaining about things out of your control – and your leader’s control – just brings more frustration to you and your leader.)

The next time you meet with your leader on a project, write down two or three good questions you will ask.

What questions do you like to ask your leader?

What is job security? Most of us would probably define it as feeling quite safe and secure with our position within our company. Factors that give us a sense of job security include being good at what we do, being the only one who knows how to do the job, our  tenure, or maybe even our strong relationship with the boss.

Here’s what I know: No matter how smart, connected, tenured or knowledgeable you are, you can always be replaced.

I have a triangle of security philosophy that encompasses the following three characteristics:

1. Character

If you’re in search for more security in your career, start by building character by putting others before yourself and making sure your walk matches your talk.

2. Competence

Focus on your current job expectations, and get good at what you do. Once you master your current position, begin to mentor others so that they too might learn your skill. Then, look for someone to teach you new skills. Ask for opportunities to transfer into other departments so you can learn to become competent in other areas. Just make sure you are leaving things in good shape before transferring out.

3. Influence ability (leadership)

Improve your leader skill sets by reading and listening to those who have mastered the ability to lead. Apply what you’ve learned so you become a leader who impacts with actions versus a leader who grows in knowledge but never acts.

Creating Career Security

It’s important to note that these three pillars of security can’t stand alone. This isn’t a “best of three” situation. Rather, the three pillars are what create the whole person. You can’t be a leader without being competent, and you certainly can’t develop a healthy following if you lack character.

These three attributes will create more career security than any other shallow attributes that we often hang onto.  And notice I said career security. If you can become better at these three pillars, then where you work doesn’t become your security blanket. You become your security, as there is a high demand for people with these characteristics in any industry.

I recently had a great conversation with a group of leaders each making their transition from player to the role of player/coach. These individuals are learning to find the balance between producing and leading, and they shared with me the most surprising and difficult lessons they’re learning in their player/coach season.

1. Delegation is difficult. “Will it be done as good as the way I’ve done it?” These coaches quickly learned that once they did let go, everything continued to work well. Letting go is hard, but we have to let go to allow ourselves and our teammates the opportunity to grow.
2. Managing different personalities requires flexing. These player/coaches quickly learned they couldn’t lead everyone the same. Some teammates require more attention. Some just need quick instructions and they’re ready to run. Different people need to be led and
   managed differently.
3. It’s okay to not have all the answers. At first these leaders felt like they needed to always be ready with the answer. They’re now realizing that it’s okay to have to find out the answer or facilitate a discussion that allows their teammates to think through and learn from the issue rather than always being the person with the answer.
4. Listening requires concentration. Listening, especially in a fast-paced productive environment, means that we must slow down and really focus on what our teammates
   are saying.
5. Consistency is essential. We must be consistent with our decisions, our moods and with our coaching. As a player, we might have had our favorite teammates, but as a player/coach, it’s important that we coach and grow everyone on the team.

Have you ever had a job that you were so good at you couldn’t advance beyond that position? All too often great performers get “stuck” because they’re so great at what they do, their leader doesn’t want to lose them. Instead of top performers being rewarded with a bigger position and more responsibilities, they end up getting “punished” for their great performance by not being allowed the opportunity to move up.

If you’re a top performer who feels stuck, here are four actions you can take to help you (and your leader) create an opportunity to move on:

1. Don’t be a lone ranger. Start now by making the time to teach someone else in your area how to do your job so that your boss doesn’t have to bear the burden of finding and training your replacement. Do it on your own time. Share your job more so that you’re not always the only one doing what you do.
2. Have a conversation with your leader. Tell them that you want to take on another role within the organization. Explain the value that your current experiences and talents can bring to a new role. However, also express that you don’t want to leave your position without grooming someone to fulfill its responsibilities. Ease your leader’s mind.
3. Offer to serve as a mentor. Tell your leader that you will mentor and prepare a new person to fill your position so that there won’t be a significant loss. If you have someone in mind, go so far as to recommend one or two people who you think would be great to take your place. Explain how you can begin preparing and teaching that person now to fulfill your role.
4. Make it easy on your leader. Have a proposed plan in place. Include how you would recommend the transition happen and what the new person would need to know to do the job. Put together a SOP (standard operating procedure) on your position so that it can be easily replicated.

Of course, any time a top performer leaves their current position for a new one, there will be a bit of pain in the transition. However, a moderate amount of short-term pain is worth the long-term benefits you and your leader will experience as you use your talents to a make an impact at a higher level inside your organization.

One of the most important things I encourage teammates to do is lead up, and probably the most common objection I get in return from those teammates is, “It’s not safe.”

By not safe, they mean their leading up:

• Isn’t welcome or encouraged
• Might anger or frustrate their leader
• Could harm their relationship with their leader
• Could even jeopardize their job

If you aren’t encouraging your people to lead up, then you are discouraging leading up. There is no middle ground. Leaders who foster an environment of leading up:

• Encourage the team to take ownership of opportunities and challenges
• Aren’t threatened by the talent and knowledge of their teammates
• Are okay with not having all the answers or always being right
• Develop loyal, hungry, inspired teammates

Go beyond telling employees to lead up by creating an environment where it’s safe to do so by:

• Listening openly. You don’t have to agree, but you should hear them out.
• Watch your body language. Look away from the computer screen or your smart phone and give them your full attention.
• Don’t be defensive. The quickest way to shut-down a teammate attempting to lead up is to be defensive of your stance. You can disagree without aggressively protecting your stance.
• Value others’ perspectives. One of the most fatal flaws of leaders is the belief that their opinions are always correct or their decisions are always right.
• Thank them for their input. They took the risk to lead up, and how you react determines if they’ll attempt it again. Whether you agree or not, show your appreciation for their passion and feedback and encourage them to keep leading up.
• Creating the environment you want with your own leader. Think of your leading up efforts with your own boss, and create the safe environment that you want with your leader within your own team.