January has been a sad month for our family. My grandkids lost their great grandmother…

Jason, Amanda, Jenna, Lee, Loranne, Haley, Shelby, Jack, and Brody, lost their grandmother…

My kids’ dad, Kent, his sisters, Kathy and Kimberly, lost their mom…and the grandkids’ PaPa, Truman, lost his wife. It was very unexpected and sudden. Just a few days into the new year after all the joys  of  Christmas and fun during the holiday season we experienced such a shocking life event.

Wanda Lynn Renshaw died January 11th in a Sulphur Springs hospital. She had surgery but her frail health and age did not see her through recovery of a devastating illness. Her children, Kent, Kathy, and Kimberly, were all there with Wanda and Truman during the last days of her physical life.

Happily, most of the family was able to be at her home on November 28th to celebrate her 80th birthday. Little did we know, this visit for most of us, would be our last one. It was a fun day and she really had a good time in the presence of most of her family including the grandkids and great grandkids.

Every room in the house was filled with people laughing, good food,

and all the little ones screaming, running, and playing.

Secret trips were made to the back bedroom to add our family pages to the scrapbook that Kathy and Kimberly had made for her birthday present.

Wanda and Truman were married for 63 years and I can’t think of but a time or two when they had spent a night apart. They retired many years ago to their farm and built a lovely home out in the country. Truman had a delightful time gardening, farming, and raising his cows while Wanda made their house a home. She was a wonderful cook and you could always expect to eat a meal of fresh food from their garden and if you were really lucky she served her delicious hot rolls and a scrumptious dessert!

Wanda loved her family and during the years they lived at the farm she spent plenty of time making plans for family and holiday celebrations. She would spend weeks of preparation, often mailing invitations, cooking, decorating her home, and coordinating activities for the occasions.

Wanda loved to laugh and worry! Worrying was her specialty. She worried about everything and she could conjure up many situations to feed her apprehension. Throughout the years we all teased her laughing at her needless concerns while she laughed at herself right along with us!

Many years ago she was so excited to become a grandmother. She worried for months about her “grandmother name”. It was a slight source of contention between us as she constantly came up with names that I associated with a mother rather than a grandmother. I hated hurting her feelings when encouraging her to think of a more grandmotherly name rather than Mama and Ma, but she soon came up with Mema and that was perfect!

Jason was her first grandchild and she adored him. I took Jason to work with me and Wanda would pick him up taking him to her house for the day. Wanda and Truman had a little miniature dachshund they kept in the house. Berry was a special pet and Jason was very fond of the little dog. As Jason began to start talking, Wanda worked with him everyday teaching him to call her Mema. It was amusing to all of us when much to her dismay as a tiny toddler he started calling her “Dog”. It didn’t take long but he soon learned her grandmother name and from that point forward to all her grandkids and great grandkids she was Mema.

Wanda loved to play and entertain all her grandchildren. She spent endless hours playing games and entertaining them any time they came to visit.

She was an accomplished seamstress and she loved to sew for her grandchildren. I remember the matching dress and shirt she made for Jason and Amanda as toddlers.

The darling poodle skirts she made for Jenna and Amanda.

She made Loranne a beautiful dress to wear as a tiny flower girl in Amanda’s wedding.

She and Truman had many fun times taking the grandkids camping in their travel trailer. The kids always would always laugh at her when they went to spend the night as she would put about three inches of water in the tub for them to take a bath. She was so afraid they might drown. She would never leave them for any length of time even when they were far too old to be supervised in the tub. I’m sure they never spent the night at her house that she didn’t check on them several times during the night, as she would say, to see if they were still breathing!

For years if she was having a holiday celebration with all the family she would invite JR and I to attend the party. We have been there for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. Wanda loved to play Bingo and she always made it fun even during her later years when it must have been a huge job to wrap all the presents she bought for prizes.

We will miss her presence during our family celebrations along with her smiles and laughter!  We will miss her wonderful meals and her warm touch as she gave us all hugs!  We will probably even miss her worrying!

Congratulations on a life well lived!  Thank you for your kindness as my mother-in-law, for your son who was the love of my life, for your girls who are my sisters, and for being a perfect grandmother to all your grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But most of all thank you for your love.

Shelby Wauson, daughter of Kimberly and Wes, wrote this memorable poem for her Mema, that Kimberly read at her funeral. If you knew Wanda…it spoke precious words of her life.

“Mema’s Caramel Pie”

I am from Mema’s caramel pie twice a year.

I am from pleasant vinegar in the air,

Crayon on eggshell, and blue-red-yellow fingertips.

I am from the smell of the pasture,

Bottle-feeding Curby the calf?

-no “Curly!”

I am from bulldozer stories and real-live tractor trips!

Am from Barbie dresses, Barbie shoes, and Barbie drama

And from portals of felt to the unknown “Feely Meely” within.

I am from a confusing grid of cardboard squares

And Mema’s most convenient lapse in “Memory.”

Am from dressing up in Mom’s handmade prom gowns,

Recreating Beauty and the Beast in front of the Renshaw clan.

From guardian angel Loranne and a strange host of wise women.

I am from yeasty clouds of dough

And cleaning your plate at every meal

And candy in every dish meant to tease and taunt until supper.

I am from a sneaky half stick of gum during the Lord’s Prayer.

Am from the first hummingbird of the season

And the awe he inspires from across the dining room window.

From the loud racket of the card shuffler,

Preparing for another lesson of Skip-Bo.

From the must of beige, speckled shag carpeting.

I am from one rib…

Two ribs…

Three, four, FIVE RIBS!

Am from my turn to tear open a festive present,

A new porcelain beauty, all curls and lace.

From the nine lives of Thomasina the cat

And the patience she had to watch it with us for the seventh time.

I am from matching pink poodle skirts and all the pride that came with them.

I am from Mema’s caramel pie twice a year.

We love you Wanda and will miss you!

Leah

It was a very special Thanksgiving this year!  Little “Berty” aka Robert, Little Rob, my 4 month old grandson made a visit to Texas.  It was my first time to see him and he is just precious!  Welcome to the family little Robert Earl!

Amanda and her family moved to North Dakota in April and this is their first visit home.  We talk on the phone almost every day and she has sent photos and videos while waiting on Internet service to Skype.  But, it’s just not the same as seeing and touching in person!  I really wanted to be with Amanda in July when little Rob was born but I had no one to help take care of  Mother for a few days so that I could make that trip.

Amanda was only here for a short time with many family visits and personal business errands to accomplish during their trip.  Jenna, Shelby, Amanda, Shayla, the baby, and I all went out for dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and shopping at Stonebriar Mall while Big Daddy Rob chilled out at their home in McKinney.

Shelby and Shayla were so happy to see each other and had such fun at the mall.

Shayla unintentionally knocked a mannequin off a display in the children’s department in Macy’s.  Unfortunately, the mannequin was beheaded in the accident.  Her body crashed to the floor and her head rolled down the aisle while Amanda was being checked out by the slowest salesperson on earth.  We were all quite amused when the department manager came running to upright the headless mannequin as though the accident had never occurred!

We had the usual Thanksgiving at our house with Jason, Michele, Sarah and Megan; Jenna and Shelby; Kent, the father of my children; my brother, Quentin and his daughters, Ann and Tricia, and my little grand-niece, Riley, Tricia’s daughter.  After dinner our friends, Bob and Kim, came by for a short visit.  Of course our holiday wouldn’t be complete without our animals.  Waylon, Jenna’s Doberman, and Sadie, Tricia’s Boxer Mix were in attendance.  Waylon and Brisket had so much fun playing in the back yard.  It was a sight to see a huge Doberman running and playing with a squatty little Basset Hound!

Amanda and Rob took the kids to Beaumont for Thanksgiving with Rob’s family.  Then on Saturday we all attended a birthday  party for Wanda Renshaw.

It was a fun visit with all the Renshaw side of the family!

We went out to eat again in Denton the night before they left to go back to North Dakota.  Mother went with me to meet Jenna, Amanda, and the kids.  She couldn’t remember where we were going even though we talked about it practically all the way to town.

Although the visits were short it was a special time and I was so happy to see everyone!

Leah

Dementia is a strange disease.  Becoming aware of the signs of dementia, the clues lie in subtle changes of a person’s actions or personality.  While I claim total ignorance in the amount of time it took me to discover my mother had dementia, all the signs were there, and it was a failure of recognition and probably self denial on my part.

Looking back over the past 20 years, my mother was in the beginning stages of dementia.  In the early 1990’s she was having trouble at family gatherings just organizing and cooking meals for a large number of guests.  It was a little mystifying to me at the time but I really didn’t give it a second thought.  I just knew that she would require my help and came prepared each time to assist her in the kitchen.  Through the next several years each event was more difficult until 1997 when I was home for Thanksgiving and she hadn’t even done the shopping.  We made a late night trip to Walmart to finish her grocery shopping.  The next year Mother and Daddy began coming to my home for the holiday celebrations.

During this time JR began having major problems with his health.  In 1997 he had quintuple bypass surgery and an implanted cardio defibrillator to alleviate a diagnosis of Ventricular Fibrillation caused by a previous heart attack in 1992.  It wasn’t possible for me to make too many trips to see Mother and Daddy as they lived 150 miles from my home.  They were still driving and would just come here several times during the year to visit us and my brother, Quentin, and his family in Dallas.  Ric and Linda, my other brother and his wife, live near Waco and would occasionally visit Mother and Daddy.

Mother and Daddy had a computer, while Daddy was able to learn to use it on a limited basis; it was very hard for Mother.  I would get so frustrated with her when she wouldn’t be able to do the simple tasks that I taught her on the computer.  She had a small home-based business and I knew using her computer would save her effort and time. Jason, my son, built their computer and Mother would use the excuse that it just didn’t work.  She even purchased a new computer and I should have realized when she couldn’t use it that she had a problem.

During the next few years I insisted they purchase a cell phone, they were always driving out of town to visit friends and relatives and I would just feel better if they had a phone in case of an emergency.  Unfortunately, Mother could not even master the cell phone.  Daddy managed to use it once to call and tell me they were on the way to my house.  Each time they would visit I would patiently teach Mother again how to make a call using the phone numbers I had programmed into her Contacts on the phone.  While she was learning, I would have her make a call to me to show her how easy it was to scroll to find my number then click on the talk button to make the call.  She returned time and time again to Walmart where she purchased their cell phone to complain that it didn’t work properly.  She was never able to make or receive a phone call on her cell phone.

The problem was not the equipment…it was the impairment of her brain function.  She simply was not able to comprehend or remember anything I taught her about using the computer and cell phone.

It was during these years of 2000 until 2011 that she became a master of deception.  It was not intentional; I don’t think she even realized she had problems.  She and Daddy moved from the ranch into town.  Although their life was slowing down,  Mother would lament over the fact that all she ever did was work.  She would tell me how Daddy wouldn’t help her and how overwhelming it was for her to do all the cooking,  cleaning, and still tend to her business.

During this time I was trying to accept and rationalize how she was having so much trouble.  Their house was half the size of their home on the ranch.  Mother had always enjoyed cooking  preparing three meals a day all her married life.  She complained that she never had time for her business.  I would suggest that she spend a few hours a couple of days each week in her office at home making calls and ordering products.  No matter what I suggested she had some excuse while naively I listened and accepted her explanations.

Looking back over the past years makes me feel so ignorant about what was happening to my mother.  It just never crossed my mind.  It also makes me afraid of the future…will this be happening to me?

Leah

My mother lives in a bewildered world; she is repetitive and forgetful, in a mass state of confusion.  She requires supervision most of the time along with an inordinate amount of patience.  She has no concept of the fact that doors are closing in her mind.  Physically she is stronger while mentally she is failing.

JR on the other hand is opposite.  Physically, his body continues in a downward spiral and his mind is psychotic.  His world is fraught with anxiety, the need for control, lack of patience, negativity, and obsessive compulsive behavior.  All of this accentuates his unreasonably short temper.

Needless to say, the situation around our house can get a little difficult!

Mother is continually going to the cabinet getting out a glass filling it up with ice and water.  She will take it to her bedroom and come right back to the kitchen and get out another glass.  JR is checking the ice maker to see how much ice she has used and cursing because she has 2 or 3 glasses of ice water.

Mother has a fondness for paper.  She hoards tissues, toilet paper, paper towels and paper napkins.  She often tears off a roll of toilet tissue a day.  JR is following her to see how much she has wasted.  She folds and stuffs paper everywhere, it is not unusual to find folded bits of tissue or paper towel under her placemat at the table or under a pillow where she sits to watch television.  She leaves it behind or drops it on the floor.  JR is right behind her with the vacuum, griping and complaining, muttering obscenities.

Several months ago he asked me how a doctor would know that she has dementia.  My explanation was one of the basic ways that physicians assess dementia in a patient is to ask questions.  He asked what kind of questions and my reply was what is the date, when is your birthday, or who’s the President?

A few days later I overhear him in the kitchen talking to Mother.  It is obvious that he is agitated.  She makes a smart remark back to him which starts an argument.

“Dotty, you are nuts, you don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Well, I know what I’m doing.  Maybe it’s you who doesn’t know what I’m doing.”

“Dotty, have you ever heard of Alzheimer’s?”

“Of course, I have.”

“Well, you’ve got it!”

Mother answers, “Yeah, right.”

By now JR is yelling at her, she is talking loudly to him, and I am trying  to referee.

He shouts, “If you know what you are doing…what is the date?  When is your birthday?  Who’s the President?”

Mother is silent.   I am hysterical!  One forgets everything, the other forgets nothing.   Now, whenever he is annoyed with her or the thought just crosses his mind.  He will ask the question that she is unable to answer.

“Who’s the President?”

She just gives him that blank look while I am trying not to laugh at my crazy life!

 Leah

My mother doesn’t know me.  It’s shocking, to say the least.  I’m hoping that she’s only confused today, but I know that it could be a permanent situation.

On Saturday I went to McKinney to watch two of my little granddaughters for a few hours.  Every so often I will leave Mother with JR just to escape my life for a small amount of time.  I had to leave very early and to get Mother up and ready takes hours.  She doesn’t seem to enjoy the kids and she is confused by change.  At times it is best for her to stay home.

She likes to wash her plate and silverware after a meal but I have noticed that she takes my dish-washing sponge and empties the detergent from the handle.  It doesn’t matter if you explain that it is supposed to hold the dish-washing liquid.  She has no short-term memory.

While I was gone, JR, who is not a diplomatic person, told her as she was once again washing dishes that I was hesitant to let her wash because she was pouring out all my dish-washing detergent.

Mother said “I just don’t know what is wrong with her; she used to be so much fun when we were growing up.  We had so much fun playing outside and playing with our dolls.”

JR was confused…remember this is “the blind leading the blind” in our home.  He is psychotic and she has dementia!  He explained that we had not grown up together, that she was more than twenty years older than me, and that she is my mother.

Mother was adamant that he was wrong.  We had grown up together and were the best of friends.

So I find humor in knowing that she doesn’t find me “fun” at this time in her life.  But I am sad, because my mother has lost her daughter.

Leah

Over the past year posting on my blog has not been a priority in my life.  It has been on my mind but actually sitting down to write the words is another matter.

As most of you know, I am now a caretaker for my mother who lives with me and has dementia.  She has lived with me since May of 2011.  In a different way I am also a caretaker for my husband, JR, who has cardio-vascular disease.

Never in my life did I ever have a thought that I would be in this situation.  It is very strange and extremely stressful.  My life revolves around what other people want and need without any regard to me and there is no anticipation of anything changing in the near future.

For the most part I am stuck at home taking care of two people on very opposite ends of the spectrum.  Neither one of them acknowledges there is anything amiss with their own mental capacity.  They do not think they need nor do they want any help on my part.

On the other hand while this is reality, it is perplexing and overwhelming to realize they have no appreciation for my efforts.  In an effort to maintain my own sanity I want to take this opportunity to share with others my adventures in caretaking.

It may even help any of you out there who are in the same boat!  So stay tuned…

Until later…

Leah

Over five years ago, Shelby, my first grandchild, was born to my youngest daughter, Jenna.  It was a very exciting time for our entire family and I was privileged to be present along with her mom and dad during her birth.  When Jenna asked me if I would keep Shelby when she went back to work I was quick to let her know that would be a much more comfortable arrangement than her being in daycare.

When Jenna went back to her job in a few weeks I began taking care of  Shelby.  For the past 5+ years with the exception of a few days when Shelby spends time with her dad’s family she has stayed with me Monday through Thursday for about 12 hours per day.

This precious little girl has been my shadow during the last five years and I have experienced all of her childhood along with Jenna.  There have been many fun times!  She is an adorable and interesting child keeping us entertained at all times!

For a long time when we mentioned school she would just say “No thank you, I’m staying with Mimi!”

A little later she changed and would ask me “Mimi, what are you going to do without me when I start to school?”

She would get so tickled when I would kiss and hug her and say that I would just have to go with her to school.

Then it was “I’m so excited to start to school!”

Today is her big day.

Missing her already…

Leah

I have a big project in the planning stages.  I have wanted chickens…yes…chickens for years…many… many years.  Both my grandmothers had chickens and I always really liked them.  They are very entertaining but most of all I want to have fresh organic eggs!

Kent (the father of my children) has agreed to help me build my coop.  JR, on the other hand, is being difficult.  I know my little grandkids…those 4 darling little girls and my first little grandson…would have so much fun with chickens!

So, what to do?  Kent and JR are great friends and I can’t for the life of me understand why he is being so obstinate about having chickens.  It’s not like he would have to take care or clean up after them and he loves nothing more than his 3 eggs over easy!

Shelby is so excited and has already picked out at least 75 names for our chickens.  The other day we were at Sam’s and she wanted a magazine.  I thought they might have a kids magazine but we didn’t see one so I bought her a chicken magazine…she loves it!  She has spent many hours selecting the chickens she wants to raise and showing JR the photos.

We went to a birthday party the other day and our friends have several chickens.  I was able to get a few photos by crawling around the shrubs and softly clucking to them…thank goodness no one was outside to witness the lengths I will go to get a good shot!

The construction will begin soon….even if I have to do it myself.  I would think that JR would much rather Kent to help me…I will keep you up to date with the progress!

 Leah

A fun delivery was made to my house this afternoon from Rain Drop Farms!  A box of beautiful heirloom tomatoes sent from my longtime childhood friend, Kent Pirkle.

Kent has grown heirloom tomatoes for years and supplied many famous chefs, restaurants, and specialty grocery stores with his prized crops.  Kent and I were messaging on Facebook last night and he offered to send me a sampling of his tomatoes.  All day I spent at home eagerly awaiting my delivery!

Kent and I were classmates in Comanche for years and during high school we ate lunch together from our sophomore through our senior years.  Never have I had such fun!  Our group included, Patti McKinzie, Robert Cobb, Kent and me who went to lunch every school day.  At the beginning of our senior year,  Steve Lauff,  joined our group when he moved back to Comanche.  Often other friends would join us, Cy Baxter, Tony Harris, Julie Pinkerton, Rusty Brightman, and Max Parker.  The fun didn’t stop at lunch because we were together after school, on the weekends, and during the summers.

It didn’t matter who was along for lunch or any other time we always had fun!  There was an abundance of laughing and joking around during any occasion.  Kent was always the ring leader with his wit and sarcastic humor. Although he loved to tease and found hilarity in every situation behind his vibrant personality was a heart of gold.  I can truthfully say he ranks right up there as a favorite friend.  You always knew you were going to have fun in his presence!

Kent, I thank you for the lovely tomatoes.  The package arrived shortly before dinner.  JR had steak and chicken on the grill and I had baked potatoes in the oven. After unpacking I sliced a couple of the tomatoes, sprinkled the slices with balsamic vinegar and topped them with Bleu cheese, fresh dill, sea salt, and pepper.  Our dinner was delicious!

You are a lovely friend with a kind heart…much love….

Leah

The past year has been challenging in every way.  All aspects of my life have revolved around taking care of others in my family.  Times for things that I enjoy are few and far between to say the least!

But on a brighter note…I have really enjoyed my flower gardens this spring.  I’ve added a couple of new beds and enlarged a few of my existing beds.

After neglecting them the past couple of years I have completely cleaned out my largest gardens of variegated primrose and Lirope and am vigilant about getting rid of these two plants from my landscape.  They are both beautiful…but very invasive.

JR …Mr. OCD…has managed to plant onions, 50 tomato plants and 30 pepper plants.  I have planted okra, swiss chard, leaf and romaine lettuce and several herbs in the garden and in containers.  He is not able to work in the garden much this year so I have been watering and taking care of the vegetables.

JR had a third aortic aneurysm repair in November and will have surgery soon to repair a leaky mitral valve.

My mom is still with us but her dementia is progressing at a steady rate.  She insists that she is leaving to go to live in Comanche as she doesn’t understand or realize her limitations.  All of this leads to many confrontations and lots of unhappiness in her mind.  For me it is a very stressful situation at times.

Brisket is growing like a weed and we are having so much fun!  She is able to stay out of her kennel for longer periods of time and loves to go in the backyard with our older dogs.  They barely tolerate her playfulness and usually just bark and growl at her.  She is finally losing those sharp baby teeth although she still loves to “play bite”.  She has taken to jumping from the sofa to the sofa table like a mountain goat.  I’m sure her behavior and my training capability would be a challenge to the Dog Whisperer!

Jenna brought out two baby squirrels that were brought in to the vet clinic after being hit by cars.  She has fed and raised them at the clinic and released them out here a few weeks ago.  After being hand-raised they really require a little upkeep as they don’t know how to forage for food.  Although the little stinkers have found my bird feeders they are so fun to watch run through the trees and play.  It is nice to know they will have a much better habitat out here rather than dodging traffic in Denton.

For many years I have wanted chickens.  JR thinks I’m crazy and has insisted that I can’t have them.  But I am working on it and hopefully by next year it will be a reality.  Shelby has already named them and we have made our selections from the McMurray Hatchery catalog.  Kent has volunteered to help me build my free-range chicken garden, coop, and run.  I have many plants, trees, vines, and shrubs started to plant in the chicken garden.

I’m not mentioning my plans for honey bees and goats…yet!

Leah