Learn Me Good

THIS is easy??

2012-05-23T18:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I began to teach the kids how to do a 2-digit by 2-digit multiplication problem. I began by writing 43X32 on the board and asking the kids to just try to answer it.
The ONE kid who got it right and knew how to do this kind of problem already was the girl who didn't know how old she was, who told me that 5 + 3 was "so very hard," and who often forgets things over a long weekend.
Go figure.

A little experiment

2012-05-17T20:13:00.001-05:00

When kids come running down the hall and I shout, "STOP RUNNING!" it has just about zero effect on them. So I'm thinking about seeing how they react to something totally random, like, "NO SMOKING!!" or, "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!"
The sheer confusion alone should stop them in their tracks.

Non Sequitors

2012-05-15T19:37:00.002-05:00

My day was pretty lively today. Here were a few bullet points...

I have a set of liquid measurement containers that fit into one another much like Russian nesting dolls. Today, as I was pulling them out one at a time, much to the amazement of my kids, I kept hearing one of them say, "You gotta be kidding me."
Cracked me up!!

This was how my statement was intended to go: "When we get back from specials, I'm going to introduce you to Gallon Man."
Instead, I got as far as, "I'm going to introduce you to..." when I was interrupted by a boy saying, "Mr. Snowflakes!"

I had a sub for the last hour of class today. I asked her to have the kids take a big piece of paper, create their own word problem, solve it, and illustrate it. I even drew an example of what it would look like.
Just got back to my classroom, and I have 10 products that all have exactly the same word problem--my example problem. Aaarrrgghh!

Doesn't take much to impress...

2012-05-14T19:21:00.001-05:00

Really don't think I can do this one justice in print, but here goes...
At recess, my kids swarmed around me to ask about the baby. Our schedule was mixed up because of ITBS in the lower grades, so some of the kids hadn't seen me yet.
Someone asked what the baby's name was, and I answered, "Andrew Warren Pearson."
My little muppet excitedly shouted, "Oooh, PEARSON!"

Yes, we opted to go with the non-traditional practice of giving our baby OUR last name...

Go the F$@K to sleep

2012-05-10T11:01:00.001-05:00

After a couple of nights with hardly any sleep due to a baby who screams and cries all the time (except when he's feeding, when he falls asleep), I have a greater understanding of why a parent might name their kid that name pronounced "Sha-theed" (spelled like you-know-what).

Stop! Baby-Time!

2012-05-07T15:30:00.001-05:00

My son was born today! And I feel like Mustafa looking upon Simba (but without all the hyenas).

My only disappointment today was that I didn't actually get to use the Baby-Time drill with my kids. But my next door neighbor teacher said that she would do it for me. She told me that she went out into the hall this morning and told the kids, "Boys and girls, Mister Teacher won't be here this morning. Can anybody guess why!"
She said that they all smiled and said, "Baby Time!" and cheered.
These will be good kids to loop up with next year.

One... Giant... Leap Forward

2012-05-04T22:52:00.001-05:00

So it sounds like I will be moved to 4th grade next year. Not entirely sure how I feel about that yet. I did share the news with a small handful of kids as we were walking out to buses, and they were excited at the prospect of having me as their teacher again.

Guest teacher, Jacques Cousteau

2012-05-01T20:35:00.002-05:00

The much anticipated Field Trip was today! HOORAY!!

There was a teensy tiny problem at the beginning of our trip. We were outside waiting for the buses at 8:30, when another teacher came out and told us that we had actually planned the trip for 11-2 and that the buses would not be arriving until 10:30. Wondering who the shmuck was who got the timing wrong? Yeah, let's just say the name rhymes with Sister Reacher.

The teachers conferred, and with a 4-3 vote, we decided NOT to have the kids just sit where they were for 2 hours. Instead, we went back inside and worked on the science projects a bit.

We had planned on being back at school in time for our lunch, but with our new time frame, we were in a bit of a quandry as to when we would get to eat lunch. Miraculously, even though I had never asked for portable lunches, somehow the cafeteria ladies had prepared sack lunches anyway, and that was a saving grace. We ate outside at 10, then headed off to meet the buses again.

Once we were there, it was a blast. Another teacher did not have quite the same fun experience as me, saying her kids would not behave and gave our school a really bad name. But the kids that were in my group were, for the most part, pretty well behaved, especially after my colleague and I came down on them hard at the beginning for running and screaming. They did well to walk and talk with inside voices after that.

We saw turtles. We saw Angel Fish. We saw an albino crocodile. We saw sharks sitting at the bottom of the tank. This was odd, because I thought sharks HAD to keep moving, or they would die. One of the other teachers suggested that there was a current at the bottom of the tank, and that satisfied the sharks' oxygen intake.

The neatest part, though, was the stingray tank. All of the kids, and teachers of course, got to dip their hands into the tank and actually "pet" the sting rays. If you've never touched a sting ray (or manta, they're similar), it's a very interesting feel. Their backs are kind of oily and slimy, and it was like touching one of my student's gelled up hair.

It was a lot of fun watching the kids yelp with fear-tinged excitement when they first touched the rays, and then became used to it and started petting them in earnest. A few of the rays even swam right up against the glass and came considerably out of the water!

I get to take a field trip by myself tomorrow, as I've been summoned downtown for jury duty. I don't think I'll have to serve, as I loudly advocate tarring and feathering for even the slightest crime. Jaywalking, not using blinkers when changing lanes, littering.

Justice will be served!

Baby, Baby, Baby, OH!

2012-05-01T20:23:00.000-05:00

During tutoring today, several of the boys told me that they were writers. Good for them! When I asked what they wrote about, it seems that most of the stories involve Justin Beiber being pushed off mountains, out of airplanes, and off tall buildings.
Good for them, indeed!

Thank you, my dear chap

2012-04-26T18:13:00.002-05:00

As I was passing out folders at the end of the day, I called one boy's name, and he replied, "Right here, my good man!"

I asked him, "What did you say?" because I wasn't sure if he had really said what I thought I had heard! He repeated it and then added, "I learned that from tv! A spy movie!"

You do the math

2012-04-24T17:14:00.002-05:00

Today we gave the very first ever 3rd grade STAAR test. (The extra A is for Avocado!) Today's test was the Math test, so I was pretty understandably stressed and worried about how it would go. One of the few changes that teachers actually KNEW of was that children would NOT be allowed to have all day to take it (4 hour time limit for most). We also had heard that it would be much more rigorous (read, ridiculously harder) than the old TAKS, but since nobody had ever actually seen any true STAAR questions, we didn't really know what to expect.

I certainly wasn't expecting to see the level of difficulty that I saw today. Without going into specifics, because I don't want to get in trouble, I'll just say that there were LOTS of questions that involved 2, 3, and even 4 steps before arriving at the correct answer.

I can't directly quote any of the questions, but I'm going to write my own problem below that generally sums up what most of the questions were like today on this THIRD GRADE test given to mostly ENGLISH as a SECOND LANGUAGE students..

Talukadiah arrived home at 4:55, after a long day of planting magic beans on his 449 square foot plot of property in Northern Gnome, Alaska. He read that there had been 13 inches of snow fall that night, following twice as much the week before! His 3 brothers and 5 sisters each had planted 45 magic beans, with one of those sisters, Groznzk, then planting 12 more. After a nice 3 course meal, Talukadiah and his family, minus one brother, compared their earnings. In all, they had made $450. The older brother got to keep 1/9 of this, while the older sister got to keep 1/10 of the remaining money. Talukadiah normally put away all but $5 of his earnings in a bag under his mattress, but only weeks ending in an even-numbered day. He looked at the calendar and saw that it was Wednesday, December 4, that it was 14 degrees F outside, and that 25 minutes had passed since his arrival home. If Talukadiah is 8 inches taller than his younger brother, how much money is in the bag underneath his mattress? Also, Symmetry.

Tomorrow is round 2, the STAAR Reading test, and hopefully there won't be any stories like The Hare and the Pineapple.

Got the analogy!

2012-04-23T18:42:00.000-05:00

For some time now, I've been trying to think of a valid analogy to use that expresses to my kids the importance of showing their work BEFORE choosing an answer and the ridiculousness of going back and circling words and showing work AFTER they've already filled in an answer bubble.

An AGE-APPROPRIATE analogy. While I love Tim Allen's stand-up line, "What, do you wipe your A-- THEN take a S---?" -- it's hardly safe for the classroom.

A couple of weeks, it finally came to me, right in the middle of a small speech reiterating the comments made in my first paragraph. I've shared it with both classes now, got laughs from both, and it's a keeper. So here it is...

You wouldn't spend all day playing or swimming out in the sun and THEN come home and put on sunscreen, would you? No, that's backwards!

Then of course I relate the sunscreen to work shown, playing or swimming to taking the test, and turning a lobsteriffic shade of crimson to getting the question wrong.

Not so easy?

2012-04-21T23:44:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, one of my girls told me that 5+3=7, and when I asked her to try again, she moaned, "It is so hard..."
With only one school day left until the STAAR Math test, I was just too exhausted to even reply to that, other than to hang my head...

VOLCANO!

2012-04-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

The rush for science projects has begun, and despite my insistence that a project has to be based on a testable question, I have a class full of kids who still believe that merely saying the word "Volcano!" will fit the bill and give them an A.

Lookin' Good!!

2012-04-12T13:02:00.001-05:00

I just passed some kids putting up a bulletin board display in the hall. One of them asked me, "Does this look good?"
I replied, "Yeah! It does!"
As I walked away, he told the others, "Yes! We got a compliment!"
And I heard a girl respond, "Yeah, because you ASKED for one!"

Park it!

2012-04-10T17:54:00.001-05:00

There's been a big deal at my school lately over some newly painted assigned parking spots. One of them, brand new, reads "Employee of the Month."
I parked there today and will again tomorrow. I mean, until someone tells me otherwise, I see no reason not to assume that I AM the Employee of the Month.

Carnival!

2012-04-06T15:57:00.002-05:00

The newest Carnival of Education is out on Bellringers, and I am honored to have a post listed. Thanks to Carol for continuing to put this together! Go check it out!

Makin' copies!

2012-04-05T19:19:00.000-05:00

One of my kids copied the homework from someone else.

Literally. He took her homework, took it to a copy machine, copied the front and back, slapped his name on it, and turned it in.

Sheesh.

Say cheese!

2012-04-04T11:55:00.001-05:00

Picture Day was today. After the events of yesterday, I almost wanted the kids to be photographed in the duck and cover position.

Twister -- Non-Milton Bradley Edition

2012-04-03T21:32:00.004-05:00

Well, THAT was a new one!

I experienced something today that I hadn't experienced in 9 years of teaching (or all the years of schooling, as far as I can remember). We had a tornado "drill" that wasn't really just a drill...

Last Friday, we had a scheduled tornado drill, which is always a major pain in the buttocks because we have to cram about 250 kids into a hallway and then convince them all to put their noses on the floor, their butts in the air, and in many cases, their heads right behind another's butt. Very few of the kids take these drills seriously, instead seeing it as an opportunity to yell into the floor, giggle uncontrollably, and play the part of the mole in whack-a-mole, constantly popping up from the "assumed position."

I told a buddy and colleague on Friday that if they ever did a remake of the movie Twister, they should have a scene set in an elementary school with the kids ducking and covering during a tornado. The iconic scene of the movie would be where the class nitwit tries to make everybody laugh by making a huge farting sound -- and then gets taken out by a falling tree branch.

Well today was NOT a scheduled drill. Third grade had come in from a truncated recess due to a light rain beginning. About ten minutes later, my next door neighbor came into my room to show me a message she had gotten from a friend saying that 3 tornadoes had been spotted in the Dallas area. Soon after, the "drill" began in earnest.

At first, the kids were their usual silly selves. We had to keep telling them that there HAD been tornadoes spotted and that they needed to take it seriously. All the while, wondering ourselves where WE would duck and cover if the need arose. And all the while the administrator in the hall saying again and again that we needed to have our grade books with us.

I almost committed a CLM (Career Limiting Move) by saying out loud my thoughts that if indeed a real tornado hit, that grade book would be the FIRST thing I rid myself of.

So the kids ducked and covered. And ducked some more. And covered even more. And ducked. And covered. And in what seemed like 3 hours, an hour had passed. (at about the 40 minute mark, it was decided that the kids could sit on their rumps -- though the punishment for fooling around was going back into the prone position).

At 2:45, we were finally allowed to go back into our window-laden classrooms. But then a little after 3, we were told to stay away from the windows but to assume the position again INSIDE the classroom. I don't understand the point of this, as it seems to fly against all practice and previous drilling. Nevertheless, my group of 21 kids was perfect during the 15-20 minutes that they ducked and covered again.

After awhile, when even the sound of the rain had subsided and it seemed to me like the imminent threat had passed (and knowing that no announcement would EVER be made that the kids could UNassume the position), I let the kids grab their books again and (staying away from the windows) read quietly. By this time it was almost 4, and one of the girls asked, "Are we going to have to sleep here?"

I told her, "I sure hope not, because this floor is very uncomfortable, and I didn't bring my pajamas."

Interestingly enough, one of my kids was still assuming the position at this point in time, because he HAD fallen asleep.

To make a very long, torturous story shorter, the last bus carried the last kid away at 5:15. This, after a mind-numbing litany of kids being called over the loudspeaker to come meet their parents at the front office.

Like I've said before, there is never a dull moment in teaching...

No Foolery today

2012-04-02T11:54:00.001-05:00

Several kids asked me sincerely this morning if today was April Fool's Day. I told them that YESTERDAY was their day to be a fool, not today.

A bit of near-sightedness

2012-03-30T22:37:00.001-05:00

After I witnessed one of my kid's get up and walk closer to the board to look at a problem for about the fourth time today, I had this conversation with him:
Me: Have you ever gone to the nurse to get your vision checked? To see if you maybe need glasses?
Student: Yes.
Me: Oh, well, did they say that you needed glasses?
Student: Yes.
Me: I see. Did you ever GET glasses?
Student: Yes.
Me: So do you have glasses here at school?
Student: Yes.
Me: Can you put them on??
Student: Yes.

This is of course a TAG student!

State of confusion

2012-03-20T17:41:00.000-05:00

This was a conversation in my class today...

Me: We live in Texas, but Texas is not the biggest state in the United States. Do you know which state IS the biggest?
Kid: The world!
Me: No, the biggest STATE.
Kid: The planet!
Me: No. The whole planet is not a state.
Kid: The earth!
Me: You can say it all the different ways that you want, but it's still wrong!

No stray marks

2012-03-19T22:07:00.002-05:00

When I was grading my kids "Ready to STAAR" test over Spring Break (and yes, I hate that name as much as you do), I noticed that one of my little angels had not shown a single lick of work on her test. She had answer choices circled, and that was it. No pictures labeled. No addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division shown. Nothing circled or underlined. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Needless to say, I was not particularly pleased with this child.

Today, I asked her why on God's green earth she would choose to show absolutely no work whatsoever. She started with, "You said..." as I thought, "Oh, this should be good. Exactly what did I say that gave you the idea this would be ok?"

"You said that we couldn't make any marks on the test, or the machine would count it wrong."

GROAN. I had told the kids not to make any stray marks on their BUBBLE SHEET - the answer document, completely separate from the test booklet.

This is why this girl did NOT get high marks from me on the TELPAS listening ratings!!!

I got the blues... the end of Spring Break blues...

2012-03-18T00:32:00.002-05:00

Ho hum, it's that depressing time of year. The end of Spring Break. Yuck. It's been so nice to have time off to get stuff done, stay up late (check the time code on this post), sleep in late, watch basketball all day long (even if your team DOES majorly choke on the national stage), and generally be a lazy bum.

Last weekend, I was highly productive. I painted the baby's room (twice, since I didn't like the original color!), mowed the yard, and did some cleaning around the house. Earlier in the week, I graded tests, rated TELPAS writing samples, and did some lesson plans. Then the tournament began, and I was pretty much a lump on the couch for a couple of days.

Attended a wedding this evening, and my wife and I have a "Baby basics" class to attend tomorrow afternoon.

And then suddenly, it will be time to go to bed early for classes the next morning! Yikes!!

Anybody else got some Spring Break stories to share? Feel free in the comments section!