I’m not going to lecture you on whether or not you should go vote. I think you should, but hey – I’m only in control of me, so I’m not going to get bent out of shape if you don’t. Deal?

What I’d like to do today is offer some reasons to consider going to vote tomorrow that don’t have anything to do with your party affiliation, and little to do with your political views.

Voting Exercises Your Power to Choose, Which Is An Under-Used Power For Most of Us

Part of conscious living is being aware of your choices and making a choice when you can. And it’s a lot more often than you think! Voting in an election is just an overt example that takes time out of your already busy day, might make you stand longer than you like in a line, and might have little effect on the outcome if you choose to consider somewhere in that line, someone is likely going to cast the opposite vote. But that’s not the point.

The point is we can choose to sit and let life ‘happen to us’ or we can exercise our power to choose what happens in our lives. Even by doing nothing, we’ve made a choice: to do nothing when we could have done something.

Voting Validates the Sacrifices Made By Others

Two of the reasons I’ll be standing in line to vote tomorrow have nothing to do with any outcome here in the US, or any preference on my part. The first has everything to do with how many other people there are on this planet – right now, this minute, today – who don’t have a voice in their government. I’m going to go vote tomorrow because they can’t and I can. Thank God.

The second has everything to do with all the people who came before me who made huge sacrifices to get us to the point where I have the right to vote. Everyone from the bunch of upstarts who left England for the New World, to the suffragettes who fought for the right for women to have a voice in elections, to the countless people who’ve died to preserve that freedom for me. If I keep my butt at home tomorrow because it’s too inconvenient to stand in a line, or I’m too busy with other things, or I think my vote will be canceled out by another, I make pointless all those efforts and sacrifices.

Voting Expresses My Conscious Intent

For a long time, I felt like a victim of my life. I felt bound by the choices of others and didn’t know how to take a stand for things I believed in or for myself. And for a number of years, the general apathy created by living that way kept me from registering and kept me out of the polling booth. But when I began taking control of what was mine to control, voting became one of the first ways I exercised my choice muscle, and by doing so, it transferred slowly, but surely, into other areas of my life. It dawned on me that voting is about expressing my intent, not about controlling outcomes. That was a big lesson for me! It is with our conscious intent that we create the lives we really want to live. We are not in control of all the outcomes, but our conscious intent makes a BIG difference.

There you go, I’ve made my case. If you live here in the US, go vote tomorrow…or not. It’s up to you. It’s your choice. I hope you choose to express your conscious intent. Whether it’s the same as mine, or not.

There for a stretch in late September, it seemed we woke up to news of another layer of financial doom and gloom every morning! It was almost enough to make me keep the TV off altogether while getting up and ready for the day. Almost… I did still turn it on to wait for the weather report, but then off it went!

If you’ve been a reader here for very long, you know that I’m a firm believer in the concept of “garbage in = garbage out” – meaning I carefully choose what I expose myself to, including everything from people, news, TV, books and blogs I read…right on down to the music I listen to. It’s tough enough to train your brain to think positively and maintain a positive outlook without all the negativity that those sources have to offer adding more for me to deal with. So I’m picky. Not in denial, mind you – just picky about what I give my attention and energy to.

A couple weeks ago, my friend Nancy Boyd asked me to participate in an idea she and her friend, Bonnie Boots had about how to actively combat all the negativity swirling about here of late. They asked several people, myself included, to contribute an article for an e-book called Project Powerful and Positive they were creating.

Feel free to download your very own copy by clicking the book cover. It is our gift to you. We’d love for you to pass it on to those you love and care about.

All we ask is that you adhere to the following:

- You MAY distribute and share this book freely with others, provided that you do not charge for it.
- You MAY NOT use any portion of this book without attribution.
- You MAY NOT bundle this book with other products you intend to sell.
- You MAY NOT charge anything for this book under any circumstances.

This is Volume I of who knows how many volumes. We’ll put together as many as people want to help us create. We had a rather tight deadline for this first volume, but I know that many of you reading this would have a powerful and positive contribution to make to a project like this, so please do consider sending us an article to include in the next volume. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be an article, as you’ll notice in Volume I.

Nancy and Bonnie gave me the privilege of compiling all the contributions into the e-book format, designing the cover and putting it all together. (I love doing stuff like that!) And I am the point of contact for contributions for future volumes, so come on – I know you’ve got good stuff in you that you’d like to share! Contact me over here.

Meanwhile, enjoy Volume 1. There’s some really good stuff in there waiting for you!

What you focus on determines what you think about, what you talk about and what you do. If you focus on things outside of you, what you can’t do, control or affect, you’re going to feel very powerless. But, if you focus on you, what you can do, what you can control or affect, suddenly you are powerful! You can make a difference. You can experience the same circumstances and situations completely differently – all with a change in your focus.

If you ask better questions, you get better answers. With better answers, you can generate better results. So, if you’re looking to quickly improve the quality of your life, ask better questions. John G. Miller wrote a great little book on this very topic, and I recommend it highly: it’s called “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life”. Basically, it’s premise is that our first reactions are often negative, bringing to mind the kinds of nonproductive questions we’ve just talked about. But if, in each moment of decision, we discipline our thoughts to look behind those initial questions and ask better ones, the questions themselves will lead us to better answers and better results.

So, how many times have you heard someone (maybe even you) ask:

• Why me?
• Why do we have to go through all this change?
• When is someone going to train me?
• Who dropped the ball?
• Why can’t they communicate better?
• When is he going to do his job right?
• Who’s going to solve the problem?
• When am I going to find good people?
• Why don’t they share the vision?
• Why do I have to do everything around here?
• Who’s supposed to be covering this?
• When are they going to learn to follow directions?

It’s understandable that we can feel and think this way, especially when we’re frustrated, but the truth is these are lousy questions. They’re negative and they don’t solve any problems, and nothing positive or productive comes from asking them.

They’re also the complete opposite of taking 100% responsibility for our lives because they each imply that someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation we’re experiencing.

Here are three simple guidelines for creating a QBQ:

1. Begin with “What” or “How” (not “why”, “when”, or “who”)
2. Contain an “I” (not “they”, “them”, “we” or “you”)
3. Focus on action.

“What can I do?” is the perfect QBQ. It starts with “what”, contains an “I” and focuses on action.

Some other great QBQs:

• How can I adapt to all this change?
• How can I better communicate?
• How can I better understand you?
• What solution can I provide?
• What can I do to find the information to make a decision?
• What can I do to reach my ideal customer?
• How can I achieve with the resources I already have?
• How can I apply what I’m hearing?
• What can I do today to solve the problem?
• How can I help move this project forward?
• What action can I take to ‘own’ the situation?
• What can I do right now to make a difference?

We can’t change other people.

We often can’t control circumstances and events.

The only things we have any real control over are our own beliefs, thoughts, words and actions.

Asking questions that focus our efforts and energy on what we can do makes us significantly more effective, not to mention happier and less frustrated!

You can’t be a victim if you’re taking 100% responsibility for the quality of your life. In fact, I’d go so far as to say the two are mutually exclusive. By definition, a victim is not responsible. A victim is powerless, but you’re not. You have the power to choose, and as long as you have that (and don’t give it away) you have the power to create your life the way you want it.

Once again, it’s a question of your focus, which is something you control. If you focus on who’s at fault, you might find someone to blame, but how will that fix the problem? And how do those initial questions that come to mind make you feel? Don’t they reinforce a feeling of powerlessness or being at the mercy of things you don’t control?

But if you take a moment and think about how you can reframe your questions as QBQs, things change. Pay attention to how QBQ questions feel when you ask them. Hopeful, yes? My favorites are the ‘how’ questions, why? Because in asking how do to something, the implication is that it can be done. Love it!

Want a better life? Ask better questions.

Creating abundance in your life is as much about removing what you don’t want from your life as it is about attracting what you do want. Removing what you don’t want is pretty hard to do while you’re hanging on to it or continuing to say ‘yes’ to more of it. Attracting more of what you do want is equally difficult when you don’t have the space for it. So the first thing you must do to be more abundant, and yes it sounds a bit backward, is let go and say ‘no’ more often. Create the space for what you do want.

For example, a closet full of clothes that don’t fit, that you don’t like, that you never wear might make you abundant in the technical sense of the word, but are you feeling it? Probably not. Lost amongst all those clothes are the ones that do fit, yet you have trouble putting your hands on those most of the time because all the ones that don’t fit are in the way. That’s how you can look at a closet stuffed full of clothes and feel lack. Talk about crazy! Even if you had the money to buy new clothes, where would you put them?

But if you decide to go through that closet and weed out all the clothes that don’t fit, that you don’t like, that you never wear and let go of them (donate them, sell them on eBay, give them away), you’ll have all kinds of room for new clothes. At the same time, you’ll replace that feeling of lack with a feeling of abundance, even if it’s just a feeling of abundant space. (I ask you – who doesn’t feel better with more space?!) On top of that, you’ll have another instance of giving to someone in need or more money in your pocket. (Again I ask – what’s not to like about that?)

If your mind balks at the idea of a rigorous closet cleaning because the little voice is saying, “You won’t have anything to wear if you give away or sell everything in there,” first understand, you can’t or don’t wear them now so what are you really losing? Second, concentrate on what you’ll gain: space and a sense of contribution or money. All good, right? Besides, once you get everything out of there, leaving only what does fit and you do like and wear, I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised at how much is still in there. And now, you’ll be able to put your hands on them! Even better, when you look at your closet of clothes, all you’ll see are clothes you like, that fit, that make you feel good when you wear them. I dare you – try not to smile at the thought of that! (And what might that be making you smile? A little bit of abundance? Hmmmm?)

Ok, I’m guessing this is starting to make sense, at least where tangibles are concerned. But what about all those intangibles? What about something like stress? Aren’t we just stuck with stress? Sure, we all have a certain amount of stress in our lives caused by things outside our control, but I’m talking about the stress we inflict on ourselves.

When you are stressed out and overcommitted, how did you get that way and how abundant do you feel? When someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do or have time to do, but you say ‘ok’ anyway, well…’no’ would have been a better answer for creating an abundance of free time. If you’re trying to concentrate on a project you really need to complete yet you answer the phone every time it rings well…’no’ (letting it go to voice mail or turning the ringer off while you work) would have been a better answer for creating an abundance of completed work. If someone is trying to provoke you by pushing your buttons and you take the bait, well…’no’ (walking away, disengaging from that person) would have been a better answer for creating an abundance of peace in the moment. You can say ‘no’ to stress by saying ‘no’ to the things that cause stress for you.

By clearing out what you don’t want in your life, you create space for what you do want. The Universe abhors a vacuum, so get ready for new things to start arriving! Remember to say ‘no, thank you’ to the things you don’t want, and watch abundance (the good kind) grow!

You need to lose weight or your hair is thinning. You start project after project, but never finish any of them. Your butt’s too big or you can’t find a job. You go along to get along when you really should speak up. Your car’s a hunk of junk or your house is a wreck. You kick yourself for saying, “Yes,”…again…when you really meant, “No”…and on and on you go. Pretty soon, you have little left to feel good about yourself.

All of that may be true, but what if everything that you see ‘wrong’ with you is hiding something really great? What could possibly be good about not being able to find a job? Or going along to get along?

At first glance, maybe nothing. But I’m asking you to take more than a glance at yourself. Look deep. Look hard.

I believe that for everything that is ‘wrong’ with you, me or anyone else, there is also something very ‘right’ about that thing, and all it takes is an open mind and a different (less self-judging) perspective to see it.

I recently took a coaching client through this exercise. Over the weeks we’d been working together, I noticed a growing list of ‘issues’, let’s say, when she talked about herself. So, one week I surprised her and told her to create an exhaustive list of everything that she saw ‘wrong’ with herself. I told her to leave nothing out – list everything from “I don’t like my hair color” to “I’m unemployed and have no real prospects” to “I’m a quitter”. I told her to have a field day – get it all out and down on paper!

No surprise, the next week she had a pretty long list. She mentioned she’s had all kinds of different jobs over the years, and felt like a quitter because she couldn’t stick to one thing. Having only had two jobs (each lasting 10 years) before I became self-employed, I blurted out, “Wow – you’re so brave!” before I could stop myself.

That stopped her cold. “Brave?!?!!” she said, “how is that brave?!??”

I told her I didn’t know many people who would be brave enough to pick up and find another job when their interest waned with the one they had. I was pretty sure more people would opt to stay (on the pretext of job security, undoubtedly) and complain about their job instead of finding a different one. And the variety in the jobs she’s had – let me tell ya – she’s a Jane of All Trades, for sure! But she’s spent all these years beating herself up for not ’sticking with things’.

So, her homework for that week was to answer the question, “What could possibly be good about _______?” for each item on her list. I assured her that if she looked hard enough, or opened her mind far enough, she would find something good about each thing on the list. I said, “You never know – you might find out that big stick you’ve been beating yourself will turn out to be your magic wand you need to recreate your life the way you want it to be. Stranger things have happened!”

The next week, she had a very revealing list of what’s ‘right’ about all those things she thought were ‘wrong’ about her. Once she had an example of seeing herself through someone else’s eyes, through someone else’s perspective, she was able to look and find many things that were assets at the same time they were liabilities. In her words, “That was HUGE for me!”

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare

Once you realize that the only thing that might be ‘wrong’ with a situation is how you’re looking at it or thinking about it, all kinds of possibilities open up for you. So, I challenge you to take the time to do this exercise. It might just turn out to be HUGE for you, too.

September Topic: A Better Life Through Better Questions

By September, most of our kids will be back in school and once again on the path of structured learning. With the hubbub of summer behind us, let’s get together and talk about how we can improve the quality of our lives by improving the quality of the questions we ask. How can that make a difference? You’d be surprised…

Let’s not let the kids be the only ones learning something new!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008
12pm EDT (11am CDT, 10am MDT, 9am PDT)
1-517-417-5200 522322#

Wednesday, September 3, 2008
9pm EDT (8pm CDT, 7pm MDT, 6pm PDT)
1-517-417-5200 522322#

Mark your calendar for either call and bring a friend!

As my dad has always told me, “Just pick one and look at the rest.”

At first glance, this might appear to be merely the advice of an exasperated dad, but the more frequently I’ve followed this advice, the more value I find in it.

Sometimes the only thing required to get unstuck is action, any action. Not everything about our world is linear. Not everything can be traced back to a logical cause and effect. Sometimes, all we need to find our answer is to step – in any direction – off of dead center. Movement is the antidote to being stuck. Action is the answer, more often than not.

Where I believe we get hung up is in our requirement to ‘get it right the first time’. When you think about it, doesn’t that seem an inordinately ridiculous goal? Doesn’t it just suck the wind right out of your sails to think about having to do something ‘right’ in order to do it at all? Is it any wonder, then, that we can feel so stuck?

Will the world stop spinning if you make a mistake? Will the sky come crashing down if you don’t do it ‘right’ the first time? Better yet – what if the action you take, the one that doesn’t really ever pan out, is the action that was required to get you to the next decision – the one that REALLY makes a difference in your life? Doesn’t it make sense then, when all of the available choices appear to be equally insufficient, to pick one and look at the rest to get unstuck?

You can trust, then verify.

For the betrayed, it’s not enough to have been given an apology, a promise that it will never happen again. A sincere apology might go a long way toward healing the hurt, but a promise that it won’t ever happen again might be too hard to swallow. Let’s face it – you didn’t think it would happen the first time, but it did. So, how does trust, then verify help? It builds a new database of “proof”, if you will, that allows you to see that the other person is trustworthy once again because their “walk” is matching their “talk”.

Basically, trust, then verify means you take what they say at face value, and then you verify that what they say is actually true – building the proof you need to feel safe trusting them again. Yeah – it means you check up on them. For how long? That depends on you. When you feel like you can trust them again, without having to check up on them.

And if you ever find yourself having broken someone’s trust – offer trust, then verify up as a way for them to take your apology seriously and know that you’re sincere about wanting to earn their trust again. If you betrayed someone’s trust, then you won’t mind being ‘checked up on’ – in fact, you might just decide that it’s a good thing because it will likely speed the healing process for both of you.

So now, every Monday, you’ll find me over at APOOO Bookclub writing Motivation Monday. Today is my debut post, Every Ending Is Also a Beginning. Come on over and leave me a comment, won’t you? Then take a minute to poke around APOOO – if you’re a reader, you’ll be like a kid in a candy shop!

For me, it’s not just about the music. When there are lyrics with a strong message, I have a 3-4 minute attitude adjustment at my beck and call. And trust me – I call! Often.

I want to share with you one of my favorite attitude adjusters of all time. It has not only great music, lyrics with a strong message, but visual images that complement both. Do you have 3 minutes and 31 seconds for some uplifting empowerment today?

Click play and enjoy.

Stand

You feel like a candle in a hurricane,
Just like a picture with a broken frame.
Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight, but you’ll be alright.
You’ll be alright.’Cause when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of.
You might bend ’til you break ’cause it’s all you can take.
On your knees you look up, decide you’ve had enough,
You get mad,
You get strong,
Wipe your hands,
Shake it off,
Then you stand.

Life’s like a novel with end ripped out,
The edge of a canyon with only one way down.
Take what you’re given before it’s gone and start holdin’ on.
Keep holdin’ on.

‘Cause when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of.
You might bend ’til you break ’cause it’s all you can take.
On your knees you look up, decide you’ve had enough.
You get mad,
You get strong,
Wipe your hands,
Shake it off,
Then you stand.

Every time you get up and get back in the race,
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place.

‘Cause when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of.
You might bend ’til you break ’cause it’s all you can take.
On your knees you look up, decide you’ve had enough.
You get mad,
You get strong,
Wipe your hands,
Shake it off,
Then you stand.

Yeah, then you stand.

-Rascal Flatts, “Me & My Gang” (2006)

Posted more as a personal reminder that all I do or can control is me, and that is enough. When push comes to shove, you really do taste what you’re made of, and I am made of everything it takes to stand.