Learning With Children

Life's A Beach

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 20 Aug 2018 12:30:00 +0000

I know I'm neither alone nor exaggerating when I say that I love the beach. As I resident of Long Island, I am never far from the beach, and even in winter will often walk the boardwalk. And as much as I enjoy all the seasons, I can't deny feeling that most of the year is a prelude to summer, when I can finally sit in the sun, on the sand, and dip in the water. Experiences at the beach are multi-sensory and for me, intensely spiritual.

Growing up, my family went to the beach almost weekly every summer. My father liked to fish, but got seasick, so he fished off the shore at Jones Beach. We would get there early in the morning and stay all day. I was mesmerized by the beauty and power of the ocean and would make up songs to sing to the waves (okay, I was that kind of kid), just describing its strength, sounds, taste, sparkles from the sun. And at some point I realized that those songs were a form of prayer. That in admiring the ocean, I was praising its Creator. If the ocean is so stunningly beautiful and majestic, imagine what its Creator must be like! And now that I think of it, look at the interplay between heaven and earth, the way the waves reach up to the sky, how the sky uses tides to pull the waves heavenward. Isn't that what we're all reaching for? I'll never forget a Donavan concert I went to years ago (anyone remember him? "Mellow Yellow"). It was the late 60's and he was advising the audience not to do drugs. He said he understood the desire to get high because "we're all fallen angels and we want to get back to heaven".

As a parent and grandparent, one of my greatest joys is sharing my love of the beach with my children, and in doing so, teaching them how to navigate the ocean. As it turns out, this is an excellent metaphor for living a meaningful life. For example, we start with our toddlers standing at the shoreline to feel the water reaching for their feet. But they quickly learn that standing still puts them in a rut. At the ocean and in life it's important to keep moving, keep trying, choose a direction. Otherwise we can get stuck in meaningless routines and feel like we're going nowhere. Once our children are old enough to wade in a little deeper, we teach them to pay attention to their surroundings. I tell my kids to look for our beach blanket and to keep it directly in their line of vision. The water tends to pull us sideways and often we need to wade back from where it carries us. In life too, we learn to keep our sights on our goals and values. It's easy to get carried away by life's distractions and we often need to realign our actions with our true intentions.

An older child is ready to ride the waves. At first, this can be terrifying. The waves are tall and strong and our instinct is to run from them. But running from them will cause them to fall on us and knock us down. Instead, we need to move toward the incoming wave, to face it and meet it before it breaks. Then, it lifts us off our feet and sets us down again. It's exhilarating! In the same way, as hard as it is, we must face our fears head-on. Forcing ourselves to try something that seems scary will only make us stronger. As a new early childhood director, there were many times when I had to fight my nature to do my job; things like disciplining teachers, alerting parents to potential special needs, advocating to the board or other administrators for appropriate class size, best practice, etc. To accomplish this, I followed the advice I gave above, ie., I kept my eye on my highest value, which was the best interests of the children. And in doing so, I became stronger and better able to handle more complex and troubling issues as they arose. (And they always do.)

Just like time, the ocean is always moving, never still. Nothing lasts forever. If we get knocked down by a wave, we know that it will eventually recede so we can get back up again. We go through scary times in life, we feel pain. But hard times recede, pain ebbs or we learn to manage it. When I was in labor with my first child, I was shocked and frightened by the intensity of the pain. The midwife told me to ride it like a wave. She said it will grow and crest, and then finally recede. She was right, and I managed fine.

The ocean is mysterious. There's a whole world underneath it, about which we know very little. And even though we know the ocean ends at another shore, we can't see it. We can't see the other side. Like life. We don't know everything. We believe there's more on the other side of life but we can't see it or touch it. The best we can do is make the most of what we can see and to continue learning as much as possible to make our experience, on the beach and in life, as safe, fun, and meaningful as possible.

Nonverbal Communication

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 18:16:00 +0000

I volunteer at the Long Island Children's Museum, a magical place where children actively engage in tons of fascinating and fun exhibits. Week after week, I have a blast interacting with children of all ages and entering their world of wonder, curiosity and play. This week, I worked in Tot Spot, a play space dedicated to the youngest museum visitors. While a facilitator conducted conversations with parents in a separate area, I and other volunteers monitored the babies and toddlers. I connected with two youngsters in particular, a 9 month old girl and a 2 year old boy. Each of them had some difficulty separating from their parents, but I managed to win them over and they both became attached to me. The boy had only a few words and the girl was non-verbal. Yet we communicated with ease and really enjoyed each other. That got me thinking about nonverbal communication. I know it's essential to children's sense of security and connection, but how specifically does it work?

For the most part, our interactions with others, including children, are natural and spontaneous. We initiate or respond to conversations and actions freely, without lots of forethought. So it's difficult to look back and identify the specific behaviors that led to my connection with the two small children at the museum. But that's what I've tried to do because I think it can help us learn a lot.

I met the girl first. She was sitting in a stroller while her older sister moved around playing. I suggested to the mom that she put the baby in the cushioned pit with infant toys. I got into the pit with her and starting rolling a toy to her, saying "Whee!" We made eye contact. She grabbed the toy and tossed it. I used simple language to talk about what we were doing as we continued this game, and that was it! We connected! Eventually another baby bumped into her and she cried, so I scooped her up and took her to another area. That's where I met the boy.

I sat the baby on the floor right next to me, near some shelves of plastic foods. I took the foods out one by one, named them, and gave them to her to hold. As she dropped them, I put them in a basket and she continued to explore. The little boy was also taking food from the shelves. I asked his father his name, and used that often in speaking to him. I made eye contact, and basically narrated what he was doing. "You're putting broccoli in your basket...Your basket is almost full.." I challenged him to try new things "Can you walk in the garden? Would you like to plant the banana..etc." (you had to be there). Anyway, I continued chatting with him and the baby, and they both played near me. The baby was bouncing up and down as she grabbed new toys, and the boy and I were laughing as he tried new activities.

I've identified 5 strategies that helped me communicate with these nonverbal children:

1. Enter their world. With the girl, I got into the infant pit and played with the toys. With the boy, I narrated his actions and used simple questions to extend his play. With both, I brought my body down to their eye level.

2. Make eye contact. Smile. It's magic, it works.

3. Keep your body relaxed and your voice pleasant. I was there to help them have fun and keep them safe. Both of those messages are relayed by tone of voice and body language.

4. Treat the child like a communicative partner.   Talk. Narrate what he's doing. Ask simple questions. Wait for an answer, even if it's nonverbal.

5. Respond appropriately to their body language and facial expressions. When the baby cried, I moved her to another area. When she was bouncing and grabbing, I knew she was happy. When the boy stiffened up after I suggested he try the slide, I let it go. When he looked for more toys to put on the conveyor belt, I knew he was having fun.

Nonverbal communication is a powerful teaching tool. Young children are experts at interpreting our body language, tone, and facial expressions. We don't need to tell them how we feel and what we value, because they know by watching us. I recently read that if our nonverbal communication differs from our verbal communication, a child will believe the nonverbal cues. If we want our children to trust us, we must be genuine with them. At the same time, by understanding what our children are communicating with their behaviors, tone, gestures, and facial expressions, we can meet their needs for security and connection and open the doors to rich learning and growth.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Wed, 27 Jun 2018 11:56:00 +0000

Last night, I watched "The Notebook", one of the most romantic movies ever. A particular scene set off an "aha" moment for me. Allie (Rachel McAdams) was engaged to be married to a handsome, wealthy man whom she loved. But then she reignited a romance with her first true love (Ryan Gosling), a boy she had met during the summer she was 17 and hadn't seen or heard from in years. In this scene, Allie and her fiancee were discussing her dilemma, trying to understand her feelings and make a choice. She said, "It's like I'm one person with him, and another person with you."

Children are authentic. As children, we are our true selves . Who we were before we graduated high school is who we are now. Your childhood friends know you and understand you in a way that's hard to replicate with friends you meet as an adult. And the bonds we forge with friends in our youth last forever. Even after decades of not seeing each other, reconnecting with an old friend feels like picking up where we left off. Old friends make us feel "at home", because they remind us of who we really are.

Before we graduate high school, we are "just kids". We typically spend our days with a core group of friends. We have few responsibilities beyond school work, chores at home, and maybe a part-time job. After high school, we have to make decisions and choose what we want to do. And we come to be defined by the roles that result from those choices: our jobs, our marital status, our religious and political affiliations, whether or not we have children. But what I've come to understand is that these roles describe what we do, not who we are. These choices we've made as adults inform how we spend our time. I teach, I take care of my children, I advocate for human rights... . And when we meet new people, these roles are the criteria we use to describe who we are. But that's not who we are; that's just what we do. Who we are goes much deeper, and is hard to articulate. Most of us are at a loss to describe who we are; sometimes our friends know us better than we know ourselves. Yet friendship takes time; it takes time to really know a person. And time is a rare commodity for most adults.

This idea sheds new light on the age old question we ask young children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". It's a fun question, hopefully giving insight to a child's interests and particular way of thinking. But it's important to understand that a child is not becoming something. A child already is. As parents and teachers, our role in a child's upbringing is to study, appreciate, and support his authentic self. Interestingly, just as old friends know us better than anyone else, I have found that as a teacher of young children, when my former students become adults, I know them better than most people, even if I haven't seen them in years. Because I knew them when they were "just kids"; just pure souls whose only role was to make their way through life. So the real question behind "What do you want to be when you grow up?" is "Who are you?". Let me know you now, so I can know you forever.

The School Yard

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 19 Mar 2018 14:46:00 +0000

If you were to ask any child, at any period of time, to name the best thing about school, the answer would inevitably be, "Recess". Recess is the one unstructured time of day when kids are free to do what they like without adult restrictions. Although recess is technically supervised by adults, the truth is that most adults see recess as their free time as well. One of the greatest challenges as a school administrator was getting the teachers to break up their conversation clusters on the playground and actually watch the children. Spending long hours with children leaves teachers lonely for adult companionship, and the playground is one of the few places where they can meet.

In thinking about recess, I came to a fascinating insight: the activities most children choose at this time of day have not changed over the years. Typically, the sexes separate at recess. Boys tend to play sports. All they need is a ball to organize a game of kickball, football, or basketball. Boys seem very intent on rules, fair play, and competition. And in their world, the skills in the school yard are way more important than their skills in the classroom.

The school yard is also the place where scores are settled, and boys fight. When I was a kid, boys' fights were common. But I remember an incident even years later, when I was an educator. I was in the playground, when a second grade boy came to me in tears, telling me that another boy hurt him. In typical early childhood mode, I called the other boy over. "So-and-so said you hurt him. What happened?". He answered, "Yeah, I kicked his ass.". (!!!)

Girls' games are more about turn-taking and improving skills, but not necessarily competitively. My friends and I spent recess playing jump rope, usually with chants; "Strawberry Shortcake Huckleberry Pie....". We made our own Chinese jump ropes with rubber bands and chanted "Anna Banana Plays the Piana...". But the real stars of the school yard were the black girls, because they could jump Double Dutch. They swung two ropes toward each other, like an egg beater, and had the best chants and rhythms. I was mesmerized.

It seems that even today, jump rope continues to be a favorite recess activity among girls. Otherwise, girls tend to walk around in groups and chat. Another incident occurred with a second grade girl once while I was supervising recess. Her friends came to me to tattle. Apparently, she was talking to a sixth grade boy in another school on a cell phone, and told her friends that it was her boyfriend. I called her over to speak to her and she broke down in tears. The phone was broken, it didn't work. She was pretending to talk to a boy so the other girls would think she was cool.

It's interesting that the sexes still tend to separate in the school yard, unless there is equipment such as slides and monkey bars. So even though there seems to be an effort today to deny gender differences, it's clearly natural for boys and girls to play separately. Boys and girls are different, and I believe it's healthy for them to learn about themselves and feel a sense of belonging . Children need to be comfortable with their own gender before they can try to relate to another. Empathy for others begins with understanding ourselves first.

Sometimes recess is taken away as a punishment. I think this is cruel and counter productive. Children need to move their bodies and get fresh air as much as they need food and sleep. And often, the children who are acting out are the ones who most need the freedom and space of outdoor time. Punishment should ideally fit the crime; it should be a logical consequence to misbehavior. Withholding a necessity like food or play time only hurts the child, doesn't help him.

Times have changed, society and its mores have changed. But the school yard teaches us that, amazingly, children have not really changed. A seven year old today is physiologically the same as a seven year old was in 1960. There's something comforting about that.

Bless Your Children

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Thu, 15 Mar 2018 16:39:00 +0000

Every child is a blessing. When a child enters our life, we are changed forever. Our hearts swell with a love so deep and pure that it cannot be described, only felt. We put our children before ourselves; our needs become secondary. We become better people, more patient, generous, kind and strong, because we want to be the best we can be for them, to model the kind of person we want them to grow to be. Children let us touch the future. They are our connection to immortality.

When we are blessed with children, we become partners in parenting with G-d, everyone's Father. We look to Him for guidance in the awesome responsibility and privilege of nurturing a soul. Even those of us who don't believe in G-d recognize that every life is a miracle. All parents harbor hopes for their children's well-being. Those hopes may be directed at life in general or the universe at large, but to me they express a spiritual association.

There's a beautiful Jewish custom to bless our children every Friday night, just as we begin Shabbat. Typically, the father places his hands on each child's head and recites a prescribed blessing, one for girls and one for boys. This blessing pleads with G-d to bless the child and watch over him or her, in the same way that we ourselves hope to nurture and watch over our children. The Hebrew word for blessing is bracha, which implies multiplicity. As parents, our job is to build our children up, to increase their strengths and help them grow physically, mentally, and emotionally. At the same time, we try to protect our children, to keep them away from harm. We discipline them with limits so that they can grow safely and healthfully.

Blessing our children can take many forms, and does not need to be a ritual to be effective. Our intention is to communicate love for our children and faith that they have what they need to blossom and thrive in this world. It's important for children to know that they are beloved and protected by both parents and G-d. My maternal grandfather, Salvatore Bonanno, was a deeply religious man. He converted from Catholicism to the Pentacostal religion after my mother and her brothers were grown. He became a deacon of his church, gave lots of charity, and prayed several times a day. One day he was sitting in a chair and called me over to him. He put his arm around me and In his broken English he asked, "Georgia, who is more important, your father on earth or your Father in heaven?". I had been attending catechism classes; plus I knew my grandfather very well, so of course I answered, "My Father in heaven". He was very pleased with me and made me feel that I was blessed; that I was completely surrounded by love and protection.

Our children are not ours to keep (as hard as that is!). While they are still in our care, we can treasure the blessings they bring us and in turn, make sure they feel blessed as well.

What Happened to You?

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 12 Mar 2018 13:27:00 +0000

Last night I watched a piece on "60 Minutes" presented by Oprah entitled "Treating Childhood Trauma". Oprah explored a new strategy for working with troubled kids called "Trauma Informed Care". The basic premise of this approach is that when adults observe challenging or risky behaviors in children, they should change their initial question from "What's wrong with you?" to "What happened to you?". Trauma Informed Care proposes that the best way to correct self-destructive behavior is to focus on the personal experiences that preceded it.

In a post I wrote in December, "Where Are You?", I thought out loud about how the interplay between the uncontrollable factors in our lives and our decisions about what we do with those factors determines who and what we become. But another piece to this involves the unconscious reactions we make in response to our environments, and how those reactions may remain with us for life. Often, destructive behaviors are coping mechanisms that we develop in order to help us block out physical or emotional pain; and even when the painful experience is over, consequent feelings that echo that pain will trigger this self-taught behavior. For example, one of my favorite TV shows is "My 600 Pound Life". (I'm the only one in my family who can bear to watch it, but I find it absolutely fascinating.) Just about every person who gets to be this size has experienced child abuse and turned to food for comfort. Even after the abuse stops, food is associated with comfort and the victims continue to rely on it when faced with stress. As the people in this show struggle to give up their food addictions, they inevitably become depressed. They require psychological counseling to tell their stories, understand their misguided relationship with food, and replace it with healthy behaviors.

These are important ideas for teachers. Every year and every class will present children with challenging behaviors. Of course I'm not suggesting that every child with challenges has been traumatized; but rather that before attempting to manage a child's behavior, we should take a look at her as whole person, with a life outside the classroom. What can we learn about her family dynamic? How does her culture affect her behavior? What has her school experience been like up to now? I once had a student who I considered defiant. She slouched in her seat, didn't seem to pay attention, and often expressed herself with wise cracks. I met with her personally and was humbled by my ignorance and prejudice. This girl's mother was dying of cancer. She had a twin sister who was severely handicapped. Her father traveled a lot for business, so she was often in charge of the household. My G-d, I looked at all my students differently after that.

The best way for educators to start any new school year is to take some time to get to know our students. Some teachers use ice breakers for the students to discover and share information about each other. Others may use a "sharing circle", surveys, or individual meeting times. A broad picture of our students will help us understand them, develop their trust, and truly, effectively teach them.

Life takes its toll on all of us. I love this verse from Judy Collin's "Both Sides Now":

"But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living everyday".

(Check it out:  https://youtu.be/8x6jSraCEt8)

Yes, we have our ups and downs. And when we have the courage to look inside, at ourselves and others, we gain the strength to make the most of what life has to offer.

Telephone Free-For-All

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 23:04:00 +0000

How many times has this happened to you: your kids are playing quietly in another room, getting along nicely while you're attending to some chore, maybe washing dishes or checking emails. Then the phone rings. It's a good friend and you start to chat. Two minutes into your conversation all hell breaks loose. Your son jumps from the sofa and bangs his head on the coffee table. Or he's suddenly ravenous, and nothing in the refrigerator will do. Or he decides that this is a good time to tackle his little brother. And you think, "Really? They were so quiet a minute ago!".

You probably have also experienced the other side of the call. You call your friend, and she's so happy to hear from you. Then every thirty seconds she interrupts to talk to her kids, "What do you want?"; "Not now"; or "OMG I'll call you back!".

I call this phenomena "telephone free-for-all". Kids who were perfectly content without your attention will suddenly act up to get it once you try to engage in a conversation with someone else. And it only happens with conversations, not texting or emailing. And it even happens with infants! Have you ever noticed how a baby will stop nursing or drinking her bottle if you try to carry on a conversation with someone? She looks around to see who you're talking to and only goes back when you stop talking. What's going on?

Years ago, as mothers began to work full time outside the home, many of us worried about the effects of leaving babies and young children in daycare. After awhile, the whole question of home vs. daycare became moot, because two paychecks and daycare for young children became a necessity for most families. So the arguments evolved into defining principles of high quality care for these little ones. A new child development theory emerged called "quality time". I believe psychologists developed this theory in an effort to assuage any guilt feelings that mothers may have had for leaving their babies in someone else's care. Quality time assured parents that the number of hours a day they spent with their children was irrelevant; that ten or fifteen minutes of focused, individualized attention were more important than being at home all day, where mom would spend most of her time attending to chores anyway. My own theory of telephone free-for-all debunks the myth of "quality time".

Telephone free-for-all teaches me that children feel comfortable and secure just knowing that mom is nearby. As long as she's not engaging with someone else, children get the sense that she is available to them. Conversation, communication are the means of connecting with others. It seems to me that on some level, children must feel excluded when their mother is connecting with someone else. That connection takes her away, even temporarily, and along with her goes their sense of comfort and security. Mom is the most important person in the world to a child, and the child wants to feel that he is the most important person in the world to mom. Always.

Spending quality time with our children is extremely valuable, whether we stay at home or work full time. But it doesn't take the place of mom's presence. Children feel safe when we're near them. We don't need to do or be anything special. They love us and need us just the way we are.

Nostalgia

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 25 Feb 2018 15:19:00 +0000

I joined Facebook about seven months ago. I'm not sure what took me so long, but I'm very glad that I finally did. Reconnecting with old friends is a priceless joy, and of course along with that re-connection come the memories of happy, younger days. I notice that many people post mementos of days gone by and I've been wondering about the role of nostalgia in our lives. Is it unhealthy to reminisce? Can reliving happy memories make the present seem dull in comparison? I actually think that the opposite is true.

Nostalgia is defined as sentimentality for the past, for a place or time with happy personal associations. The word is derived from the Greek "nostos", which means "return home", most likely influenced by the travels of Odysseus and the memories of home that sustained him through his travels. In this sense, visiting the past brings comfort, warm feelings, and hope. Happy memories validate that we are loved, connected to others, and that our lives have meaning. Nostalgia can alleviate feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and boredom. Happy memories are forever; they cannot be taken away from us. As Humphrey Bogart said in "Casablanca", "We'll always have Paris." We will always have the precious moments that live in our memories. No one can touch them.

Nostalgia can be painful if we use our memories to compare the past and the present. Think of Stephen Still's line in "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes", "Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now". It's unproductive and untrue to think that things were so much better in "the good old days"; to regret our choices and think, "If only...". Instead, we should derive strength from our memories, understanding that our personal history is what makes us who we are now. We can make better choices today when we recognize and stay true to the sense of self that continues to live in our memories.

I am particularly fascinated with the role of music in our memories. I recently read that the music we love from the ages of twelve to twenty-two gets permanently wired into our brains and becomes "the soundtrack of our lives". It is at this stage of life that our self-identity emerges. Our hormones heighten our emotions dramatically, and the music we enjoy infuses the most momentous years of our lives. Our favorite music is tightly connected with our memories, and its relevance to us does not weaken as we age. No matter how many years have gone by, certain songs can make us relive the feelings we had when we first heard them. The opening licks of Eric Clapton's "Layla" still pull at my heart, and bring me back to my days in the college pub (my favorite hangout). I know that my thirty-something daughter's heart still beats a little faster when she hears Hanson's "Um Bop".

A few days ago, I was feeling sad about the horrors in Florida, as well as missing my sister, who would have celebrated her birthday last week. I posted Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted", which I have been singing to myself relentlessly for days. It seemed very cool to me that the people who responded to the post were friends of mine from junior high school, when that song came out. We all loved Motown (and still do) and I remember us singing together. I know that these friends could absolutely relate to my feelings through this song, even though I didn't verbalize them. We will always share that musical / nostalgic connection.

I read somewhere else that children as young as seven can feel nostalgic, particularly as they recall holidays and other celebrations. We cannot tell which particular events will make their way into our children's memories. All we can do is to make each day as positive and wonderful as we can. And listening to their memories as they grow may give us a better view into the personal history they are creating for themselves.

So as important as it is to live in the present, an occasional trip down memory lane has definite benefits. Joni Mitchell sings, "We can't return we can only look behind from where we came". Happy memories, a strong sense of self to make good choices now; a full life.

Early Childhood Education: A Teacher's Role

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Fri, 23 Feb 2018 18:21:00 +0000

In "Early Childhood: A Plea from the Field" , I wrote about the importance of the early learning years, and how early childhood educators are so often misunderstood and under-appreciated. It's harder to measure learning in early childhood because there are no products to assess achievement; no tests, quizzes, homework, etc. The early childhood curriculum is more focused on building developmental skills. It's about process, not content. And since children learn through play, an outsider to the field may not understand the teacher's role in the classroom. What does the teacher do while the children play?

I began to understand how children learn through play when I was an undergraduate doing field work for a developmental psychology course. I was volunteering at an inner city nursery school in Binghamton, NY. One day I was playing catch with a three year old boy. As we played, the teacher said to me, "Use language, Georgia." So I started labeling what we were doing: "Catch the ball. Good catch. Now throw it to me. I missed! ", on and on, adding new words such as high, low, far, close, etc. in the context of our play. Aha! That's how you learn through play. Not only did the child have words to put to our actions, but he learned about the effects of his muscles on the trajectory of the ball.

Children learn enormous amounts about the world around them through play. A gifted, qualified teacher can help her students rack up major educational advantages. Early childhood professionals understand the continuum of child development. They know the steps needed to achieve goals. Through observations and interactions, they determine each child's place on that developmental continuum and create an environment for optimal learning.

Let's think about learning to read for example. Learning to read is a process that begins at birth and is not completed until the college years. Since reading is a form of communication, it is intimately connected to the other components of language: listening, speaking, and writing. So the first step in learning to read is to build a rich vocabulary of spoken words. A baby listens to the sounds around her and begins to connect them with things and actions. As a socially motivated being, she coos and babbles in an attempt to become a communicative partner. When paired with a responsive adult, she learns the meaning of words and eventually tries them out on her own.

This is the very beginning, the foundation of reading. A skilled early childhood teacher creates a literacy enriched environment that can maximize her students' potential for language acquisition. She listens to the children's conversations and imaginative play roles, and introduces words and opportunities for extending learning. If children are playing doctor for example, the teacher can add props such as a stethoscope, band-aids, mini flashlight. She can give the children a clipboard and notepad for prescriptions, maybe an eye chart or xrays. She can transcribe the children's role-playing ideas and encourage them to dictate stories. She can include books about doctor visits in the class library and read them at story time. She can invite a doctor to visit the class, and encourage children to ask questions.

The doctor scenario is a rough outline of how children's play can be enriched to promote their emerging literacy skills. Meaningful vocabulary, concepts, and experiences with print are naturally woven into the children's self-directed activities. Early childhood teachers have an arsenal of such activities to promote every aspect of developmental learning, including math, science, social studies, art, music, and social-emotional skills. Every corner of the classroom, and every minute of the day, is carefully and intentionally planned to promote learning that is fun, active, and appropriate to the students.

It might be important to point out what the teacher has not done. She hasn't ignored the children's play. She hasn't given the children worksheets, coloring sheets, or other two dimensional pencil and paper tasks. She hasn't lectured, or followed up a book with closed-ended questions. She hasn't limited the children's experiences to conform with what she knows and thinks. She isn't "playing school", watering down elementary curriculum to fit younger children.

An early childhood teacher is more of a facilitator of learning than a source and sharer of knowledge. Her work is thoroughly connected to the children's current interests and developmental levels. Children and teachers are collaborators in uncovering lessons from classroom experiences. The rewards can be remarkable: a timid child gaining confidence; a pre-reading child dictating a detailed story, a child who has learned to use scissors, grasp a pencil, write his name. There are also many intangible rewards, which may be hard to see. But we know that it is in the early childhood classroom that children learn about respect, responsibility, kindness and compassion.

No one enters the field of early childhood education to make a lot of money. Teaching young children is as much a calling as it is a job, and early childhood educators are among the most committed, caring, hard-working and talented folks around. Learning looks different in the early years, and it takes a qualified professional to understand that.

Kids Are People Too

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 19:30:00 +0000

Growing up, my favorite show to watch on TV was The Little Rascals. I have a whole repertoire of quotes from those short movies, and to this day love watching them. The Little Rascals are independent, resilient, resourceful, and really funny kids. They made me feel like being a kid wasn't a handicap. After all, kids don't have the freedoms, rights, and choices of adults. Kids can feel powerless in a confusing world. But the Little Rascals were not helpless. In their world, kids could do and be and have just about anything.

Happily for me, my grandchildren are also fans of The Little Rascals. (Unhappily for my children, they're also quoting some of their favorite lines.) We watch episodes on youtube, and the kids laugh so hard they sometimes fall off the couch. Recently, we watched a newer, color movie version which happened to be really good. There were several cameos of famous people, such as Whoopi Goldberg as Buckwheat's mother. In one scene, Spanky and some of the kids pretended to be adults so they could apply for a bank loan to rebuild their clubhouse. The banker was played by Mel Brooks, and of course he saw through their disguise immediately. As a busy banker, he was impatient and dismissive with them, and Spanky said, "Hey mister, you can't talk to people like that.". And Brooks yelled back, "You're not people, you're a kid!".

Few of us would be rude enough to make that statement in real life, but the truth is that many of us convey that exact message to kids non-verbally. And they get it. For example, many adults seem to think it's okay to use swear words or hold adult conversations in the presence of small children because they assume that the kids don't understand. Wrong. Children are highly attuned to our tone, facial expressions, and body language, and even if they don't have a grasp of all the vocabulary we use, they understand what we are communicating. Anyone who has learned a second language knows that sometimes you can get the gist of a conversation without grasping all the words. Children have strong, innate communicative abilities. Underestimating those abilities is disrespectful.

Children entering toddler and early childhood programs are not empty buckets waiting to be filled up with knowledge. Even our youngest students bring with them a world of experiences and understandings. Ask any mother how quickly the first year of life goes by --zoom! And in that time, our children are gathering tons of information about their bodies, about the people and things in their surroundings, and about communication. Developmentally appropriate practice, which is the professionally accepted approach to early childhood education, means using the developmental levels of our students as a starting point for teaching. Lesson plans are based on the children's interests and personal experiences. So, let's say a holiday is coming up and we want to learn and celebrate in class. The first step is to find out what the children already know about the holiday, what experiences they've had with it, and then develop activities to extend their knowledge. All learning is about making connections between new concepts and prior knowledge.

It's important to be every bit as thoughtful in talking to children as we are when speaking to adults. We may never know the full impact of our words. Once, at the beginning of a new school year, a four year old boy said to me, "My teacher last year said I was a tzaddik "(righteous person). I answered him, "You're still a tzaddik". To me, it was a nothing conversation. Days later, his mother repeated it word for word. She said that another adult might have paid little attention to him " That's nice"; but that my words touched him deeply. Wow.

It's important to treat children as our conversational equals. This will: 1) demonstrate that their thoughts and feelings have value; 2) build their self-confidence; and 3) strengthen their own communication skills. Of course children deserve to be treated with respect. They're people too!!

Music

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 01:20:00 +0000

I always have a song in my head. Sometimes it's annoying because I can't get rid of it, but mostly I'm used to it. Anything I see or hear can trigger a song. For example, the other day my grand-kids were playing with play-doh, and my three year old asked his brother for the "roller" (rolling pin). Immediately, Jim Morrison started singing in my head, "You gotta roll, roll, roll, you gotta thrill my soul, all right." Years ago, I woke up with a song in my head that I didn't recognize. It was a Friday morning, and I was facing an extremely busy, hectic day. After awhile, I stopped whatever I was doing to listen to my own head and try to identify the tune. It was the theme song from "Mission Impossible"!!

Music is a universal language that connects us to the world physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I read somewhere that the reason music affects us physically is because we subconsciously relate it to the natural rhythms of our body: our heartbeat, our breath, and our walking patterns. Music can give us goose bumps, calm us, or literally get us on our feet. It changes our moods and emotions. It speaks to something deep within us. I've relied on music to help me through some of the toughest times in my life. The greatest support for my young, broken heart was Eric Clapton's "Bell Bottom Blues". I listened to it almost constantly for weeks. When I lost my family daycare business years later, I played the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray" over and over to give me strength. After my sister died, I turned to Eitan Katz's "Gam Ki Eilech", playing it for months. In fact, I sang Neshama Carlebach’s versión to her at her deathbed and later at her funeral.

Music is a spiritual connector. King David served G-d with music, and Jews continue to use many traditional tunes in prayers. Gospel music and hymns are part of church services, and Christmas carols are an intrinsic part of the holiday. Music stirs our souls and focuses us on our intentions during prayer. It inspires us to something greater than ourselves. Think about national anthems and how they can stir our feelings of patriotism.

They say that music makes children smart, and I believe that is true. Calming music, like many classical pieces, causes our bodies to relax, making it easier for our minds to concentrate. Playing soft background music in class during independent or small group work time can set a calm and productive environment for learning. And using music or rhythmic chants as teaching tools will practically guarantee sustained learning. Our minds naturally look for order and patterns to make sense of the world around us, and these are plentiful in music. To this day, I only know how many months are in a year if I recite a poem that I learned in elementary school (30 days hath September...). And how about the spelling rule, "i before e....".

Music is an incredible memory aid.  Certain songs have the power to bring us back to specific times in our lives.  Don't you remember the songs of your childhood? Do you still know the words to your favorite songs? What we learn through music stays with us. Interestingly, studies have shown the amazing effects that music can have on Alzheimers patients. When these patients hear music that is personally meaningful to them, it taps into their deep memories. At these times, they feel like themselves again, can converse, and stay present.

Music is thought to be a "soft" subject and is often quick to be cut in schools where funding is low. But since the beginning of time, music has been an essential part of our human experience. It's rhythms, patterns, and harmonies are closely correlated to mathematics, and make learning more accessible. Music improves listening skills, attention skills and memory. It brings us peace and connects our inner selves to a higher power. Play your favorite music often, and make sure to share it with your children.

Early Childhood Education: A Plea From The Field

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sat, 03 Feb 2018 23:48:00 +0000

Eighty percent of a child's brain development takes place by age three. Early childhood, which is defined as birth through age eight, is the optimal time of life for building cognitive and social skills. Teachers and parents can deliberately influence their children's intellectual and social development by creating rich learning environments. When we combine an understanding of general child development with what we know about the particular temperaments and character traits of individual children, we can manipulate the physical, social, emotional and mental environments and capitalize on children’s readiness to learn. Clearly, the most important element in this formidable task is the human one; the adults who interact with the child on a daily basis. So to a large extent, the present and future success of young children depends on the knowledge and commitment of their parents and teachers.

Why then are early childhood teachers the lowest paid and least respected in the field of education? Unfortunately, few people understand what early childhood education is all about. Some consider it glorified babysitting that practically any warm body can do well. Upsetting to me personally are the schools that do not hire professional teachers for their young students. These schools feed into and encourage this misconception. At this most vulnerable time of life, children deserve well-educated and highly qualified teachers. I know from experience that teaching preschool is just as complex, demanding, and important as teaching high school.

What makes a quality early childhood teacher? Someone with both good instincts and a good educational background. Someone who grew up with a knack for interacting with young children, maybe working as a babysitter or camp counselor. Someone who majored in education in college and took courses in developmental psychology, educational philosophy, and pedagogy. A qualified early childhood educator would have completed a practicum or semester of student teaching. She would be committed to ongoing professional development throughout her career. She is someone who understands the range of child development. She adapts the curriculum to each new class, as well as differentiates instruction according to the needs of individual students. She identifies at-risk children and children with special needs and she advocates for best practice for all of her students. ( I purposely used the feminine pronoun because the majority of early childhood teachers are female. There is a real need for men to join this profession.)

A college background in education gives teachers a rich vocabulary and a grounding in academic subject areas. Well qualified early childhood teachers tap into children's curiosity and current developmental levels to maximize and extend learning. They know how children learn and see to it that lessons are active, hands-on, and primarily directed by the children themselves. Their classrooms are lively laboratories of child exploration and experimentation, where learning is visible and expressed in multiple ways. Interestingly, the older grades are beginning to catch on to the value of early childhood practices. Elementary and secondary school teachers are learning the benefits of active learning, project based learning, differentiated instruction, and teaching the whole child. These educational approaches work for every age, and have been employed by early childhood teachers for decades.

Long term studies have demonstrated the lasting effects of quality early childhood education on adults, with higher rates of graduation and income. Psychologically, we know that our adult behaviors have their roots in our early childhood experiences. Young children are susceptible to the environments that we create. They deserve the best teachers: teachers who are well trained, well paid, and respected for the awesome work that they do.

Hug a Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 21:22:00 +0000

This week in Jewish schools, children will celebrate Tu B'Shvat, the "birthday of the trees". They will eat fruits, examine nuts and seeds, maybe do some planting, and learn about the multiple ways that trees serve people, animals, and the environment. Trees have real and symbolic meaning in many cultures and religions. They are a treasure of the natural world, and they depend on us to take care of them.

Some of my favorite childhood memories involve trees. My close friend Diane lived at the top of a hill that was a dead end. Her house was surrounded on two sides by trees which kept it buffeted from the parkway. We called that section of our neighborhood "the woods". Diane and I often climbed a tree at the side of her house, sometimes just hanging out, sometimes bringing books to read. Our elementary school was a block from Diane's and just across the street from my house. There were several trees in our school yard. One was a big pine tree that we climbed in competition with other neighborhood kids to see who could climb the highest. I usually got in trouble at home for getting pine sap stuck in my hair, which was hard for my mom to wash out. Diane and I also claimed a tree of our own: a mulberry tree at the side of our school, that only blossomed in June. We would climb the tree and gorge ourselves on all the mulberries we could eat. Yum. And another big, old tree in front of our school was my secret spot for imaginative play. The roots stuck out, and the tree was surrounded by dirt. I would take twigs and pebbles and design the floor plan of a house, including furniture and a pool. I could lose myself in that play for hours.

Do you have memories of childhood experiences in nature? What emotions do they evoke?

We often talk about teaching the "whole child", facilitating all the components of his developmental growth: physical, intellectual, social, emotional, and moral. Allowing children to experience the natural world addresses each of these developmental areas. Take a look at my memories, for example. What did I learn? I learned that trees could be a place for solace and tranquility, whether reading a book in its branches, listening to the wind and birds, or sitting and playing at its trunk. I learned the capabilities of my body in climbing, balancing, understanding which branches could or couldn't support me. I learned that trees give off delightful products, like pine-smelling sap, or delicious berries. I also learned the difference between deciduous and coniferous trees, though I may not have had the vocabulary at the time.

There are endless lessons that teachers can develop around trees, in every area of early childhood curriculum: math, science, literacy, art, music and movement. Expounding on any one of these areas would be way more than I could reasonably fit into a blog post. Each area is rich with possibilities and absolutely fascinating. Several years ago, I gave a professional workshop on teaching math through nature. In preparing for this workshop, I learned about fibonacci numbers. These are numbers that are used repeatedly in patterns in nature. It is a remarkable topic and to my mind proves the existence of G-d. Take a look at this youtube video and see if you agree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkGeOWYOFoA.

The natural environment is a teacher. It stimulates our imagination and sense of wonder. It encourages us to use all of our senses, improving our focus and attention skills. All children deserve the chance to form a relationship with nature, both for the myriad of benefits they will gain as well as to motivate them to protect it. Trees grace our world with both beauty and function. Their survival in large part depends on how we choose to teach our children.

Violent Children

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 22 Jan 2018 18:04:00 +0000

This is a picture of my brother Felix with one of his favorite toys. In those days, it was common for little boys to play with guns. They pretended to be Cowboys and Indians or Cops and Robbers. One summer, the boys in my neighborhood spent several weeks playing out the Civil War with both Union and Confederate armies. As the Boomer generation, we grew up on stories of WWII. Boys played with plastic soldiers and drew pictures of planes dropping bombs. But there were no news stories about real life gun violence.

Times have changed dramatically. I'm not even sure if toy guns are sold anymore, except for water pistols. The type of gun play that exists today is more likely to be paint ball, laser tag, or video and arcade games. Yet news stories overflow with horrible mass murders, often committed by young people who have access to real guns. Gun violence in our society is an epidemic.

Adolescent and adult behaviors have their roots in early childhood. When children are very young, their bodies and brains are growing more rapidly than they ever will again. This is a critical time of life to acquire moral values and learn social behaviors. Any aggressive behaviors in young children must be firmly addressed. "Boys will be boys", expressed as rough and tumble play, is normal. ( See my post on boys: BOY POWER!) Aggression is different. Aggression is an intentional attempt to hurt someone, and cannot be tolerated.

Violent children are the most challenging to teach and to raise. Most aggressive behaviors in young children are normal and can be managed relatively easily with positive discipline . (More in my post: Discipline: Key to Maturity) Other times, aggressive behavior is a symptom of an underlying developmental issue, such as a learning disability, ADHD, problems with sensory integration, an emotional disorder, or a medical condition. Sometimes we find the roots of aggression in a child's environment. Children suffering from abuse or neglect, children who witness violence at home, children caught in the middle of a highly contentious divorce, often turn to violent behaviors as an outlet for their pain. And then there are a few children, very few, for whom we cannot find a source of their aggression.

The examples above point to the dominance of nature, the qualities we are born with, and nurture, the effects of our environment, in determining our behaviors. The truth is that both play an equally powerful role in deciding who a child will grow up to be. When we observe aggressive behaviors in a child, we first look for a cause. We take note of when and how the aggression takes place, seeking clues to both his nature and his environment. Is he bored, frustrated, confused, hurt, anxious....? How can we modify his environment to help? A three year old was biting his classmates. We kept a log of his behavior and noticed that he bit different children during different activities. The one constant was the timing; he usually bit about an hour before lunch and again just before dismissal. We began giving him pretzel rods to chew on and the biting subsided.

It is not easy to identify the causes of a child's aggression, and even harder to figure out the best way to help. And what about those children for whom we cannot find a reason for their behavior? I've only met one, maybe two, in my career. They scared me. These are children who hurt others without provocation and without remorse. They seem to like seeing others in pain. They only care about their own desires. They have a strong need to control their environment. I just read a book and a magazine article that helped me understand these children better. The book is Savage Spawn, by Jonathan Kellerman, a clinical professor of pediatrics and psychology, better known for his murder mystery novels. The article appeared in the January issue of National Geographic, and is titled "The Science of Good and Evil". I learned that empathy, the ability to experience how another person is feeling, can be measured in the brain by the size of the amygdala, and that psychopaths actually have smaller amygdalas than the rest of us. Fascinating. That means that some people are genetically predisposed to be colder and more violent than others.

Differences in a child's brain do not sentence him to a life of psychopathy or anti-social behavior. All young children are ready and able to learn. Their brains are still malleable. Directly teaching appropriate behaviors helps every child learn social responsibility. Those with a predisposition to violence can be trained in a structured environment that targets specific goals for behavior. Positive reinforcement works by granting and removing privileges based on reaching these goals. This is a daunting task for teachers and parents who need to remain patient and positive for years.

There are many curricular activities that teachers can bring into an early childhood classroom to promote compassion and cooperation. Children can learn at an early age that it's cool to be kind. They can be taught to identify their own emotions, as well as those of others, and to respond appropriately to those emotions. At home and at school, adults can highlight the value of giving and doing for others. We all know that children are our future. With hard work and cooperation between teachers and parents, we can help make that future a bright one.

Positive Reinforcement

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Wed, 17 Jan 2018 21:04:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, my grandchildren and I visited the Wildlife Zoo in Phoenix, Arizona. We attended a sea lion show , but there was no performance. The sea lions were fairly new to the zoo and were still in training. One of the zoo keepers explained the training process, while another demonstrated with a sea lion. It was actually a lesson in positive reinforcement. If the trainer wanted the sea lion to touch a pole, she would wait until it came close to the pole, then feed it a little fish. Next time, the animal would get the fish as it reached up for the pole. This would continue, with the pole being raised and the animal reaching higher until it learned to jump and touch the pole with its nose. Interestingly, we saw another animal show in which a porcupine, a muskrat, and a parrot also learned to do tricks by repeating behaviors that brought them treats.

Positive reinforcement is a method of teaching behaviors and skills by rewarding the student for closer and closer approximations to the desired goal. It is standard practice in early childhood classrooms. A reward is as simple as a smile, a hand on a shoulder, a hug, a few encouraging words, even saying the child's name in a delighted tone of voice. So let's say we want a child to clean up his toys. As he begins to pick up a toy, we immediately acknowledge his effort, "You're starting to clean up the blocks, good work!". This simple praise generally serves to reinforce the behavior. The child will continue the behavior and look forward to more praise.

To be most effective, positive reinforcement should be immediate. We must be watchful for any attempts made toward the target behavior, and immediately give feedback. The objective is to catch the child doing the right thing. A common example in early childhood education is getting the children to settle down for circle time. All the teacher has to say is "I like the way Gabriel is sitting", and the other children will flock to sit nicely and hear their names too. Amazingly, the effects of positive reinforcement are physically visible, not only in the behavior, but in the child's body language. She appears to grow before our eyes, standng taller, filling up with a good sense of self.

Positive reinforcement is used to praise effort. It specifically addresses the approximation of a desired behavior. This can be particularly helpful for children who are timid or find something distasteful. Think of a picky eater. If he takes a small bite of a new food we can say, "I know it's hard for you to taste new things, but you did it anyway. I'm proud of you.". Of course, this would be most powerful if he actually likes the new food, but again, we are praising the effort so that he will be more willing to try again next time. Positive reinforcement is also important in teaching skills; "You're working hard to practice writing "S". It's getting better and better." In this last example, it might help to give a suggestion, such as "Try to reach the hat line next time."

Positive reinforcement is a great motivator for older children and adults too Everyone wants a pat on the back for the work that we do, but few of us actually get one. Feeling noticed and appreciated keeps us motivated to stay the course and to work even harder. Positive feedback also clarifies expectations. As an early childhood director, I looked for opportunities to compliment my staff, whether on a creative bulletin board, new lesson ideas, or the way they spoke with a student. I understood that this type of feedback would reveal what I valued as quality work, and would motivate the teachers to keep it up. (Truly, they made my job easy. I worked with some amazing teachers.) As an educator, my greatest rewards were often the notes of thanks from parents. These notes are treasured by teachers, who give so much of themselves to their students everyday, and are rarely recognized for their commitment. An appreciated teacher is happier to do her job, and a happy teacher brings about optimal learning for her students.

In my post "Hello Sunshine" I talked about the uplifting effects that positive people have on us. In offering positive reinforcement, we can build on our children's strengths. We can create a pleasant environment for work and play. We can celebrate together all the little steps that lead to big learning and growth.

The Age of Entitlement

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 14 Jan 2018 21:04:00 +0000

My last post, Hello Sunshine, touched upon the effects of a cheerful greeting. One reader shared her observation that today's kids are not being taught to greet people as they enter a room. It got me thinking about the importance of teaching our children this common courtesy. Children have as much to gain as adults in greeting others pleasantly. And it struck me that our failure to teach this basic social skill might be a side effect of what teachers today refer to as "entitlement". Entitlement is a buzzword in schools everywhere. It refers to the attitude of many parents and children that they have the right to get whatever they want simply because they want it. To me it brings to mind a titled monarch; someone to whom others owe allegiance. So many parents seem driven to shield their children from any unpleasantness in life while simultaneously pushing them ahead as far as they can. Teachers are no longer considered authority figures. If a child doesn't do his homework for example, it's not uncommon for his parent to make excuses and argue that he not be penalized. Some of us remember being in trouble at home if the teacher called to discuss our behavior. Today, parents are more likely to place the blame for a child's misbehavior elsewhere: on the teacher, the school, or the other students. A colleague of mine once dealt with a difficult parent over the phone. His fifth grade son had been acting aggressively on the school bus, and actually bit another child. The father ranted about the other kids, the bus driver, the school's responsibility, until my friend said to him, "At some point, you're going to have to stop defending him and let him take responsibility for his actions.". I could have kissed her.

Entitlement is selfishness. It dismisses the needs, feelings, and rights of other people. I'm not sure that we can pinpoint a specific origin for this phenomenon, and I don't believe that it began solely with parents. It may have begun years ago, when psychologists and others became concerned with the development of children's self-esteem. This led to over-praising children, accepting mediocre work as a "good job" or effortless scribbles as "beautiful". Many parents, for various reasons, are reluctant to say "no" to their children, so kids are accustomed to getting what they want. (Take a look at my post "All You Need Is Love" for more on this). Or it may be that a sense of entitlement stems from our stressed out, achievement oriented society, where getting ahead is a top priority. The very term "getting ahead" implies competition; ahead of someone else. We push our children to get into the best schools, to get top grades, to pad their college resumes with extracurricular activities. And schools contribute to this feeling of competition as teachers and students struggle to meet the demands of more standardized tests and rigorous academics pushed down to younger and younger grades. In addition, parents today may be more protective of their children because the world is a scarier place than it used to be. Leaving children to play outdoors unsupervised is not an option for most families, so we keep them under our constant guard. Children believe that they are special and that mom and dad will take care of all their needs. But the job of parenting is to raise our children to be independent. We need to guide them to make smart decisions and then to be accountable for their decisions. It's important to learn to follow rules and protocols in order to be a responsible citizen. We can't fix all of our children's problems, and we actually cause more harm than good by trying to do so.

No one wants a spoiled, coddled child. How can we reasonably protect our children without sheltering them in a gilded bubble? How can we advocate for their best interests while teaching them to take care of themselves? There is a terrific parenting book that addresses this problem. It's called The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel, PhD, and was a cult favorite several years ago. It is a wonderful resource for raising resilient, self-reliant children. The author basically promotes the idea that falling down, scraping a knee, making mistakes, even getting hurt, are all healthy steps on the road to growing up. We want our children to learn to grow from their mistakes, not to avoid them.

A focused greeting can offset a sense of entitlement by forcing a child to acknowledge the presence of other people. It can take her out of her own head for a minute and demonstrate respect. When I was a little girl, my parents would coach my siblings and me before every visit to friends and family. We had to kiss every adult in the room hello, and then again when it was time to say good-bye. We were not allowed to call any adult by their first name. We were taught to look behind us as we went through a door, so that we could hold it open for anyone who might be following. We learned to wait on lines and to only talk to people when they were in the same room as us. We were expected to clean up our own mess, wherever we were.

These lessons work equally well today. When we held kindergarten orientation programs in my former school, I included a bus orientation. I taught the children to line up to enter the bus and to say "hello" to the bus driver. I reviewed all the procedures that would keep them safe, then taught them to say "thank you" to the bus driver as they exited. People who serve us, such as bus drivers, waiters, gas station attendants, etc., should not be made to feel invisible. They are doing us a favor (yes, even though they're getting paid to do so). Acknowledging them and the nice things they do for us shows respect and gratitude.

There are a couple of things on the educational horizon that I believe will cause the downfall of the Age of Entitlement. One is the new approach to teaching called 'growth mindset'. In a fixed mindset, a person's abilities, intelligence, and talents are considered fixed traits that cannot be changed. Growth mindset proposes that everyone can develop their intellect, talents and abilities through effort and persistence. In terms of entitlement, a child with a fixed mindset is more concerned with grades than learning. If she does poorly on an assignment, she might fight the teacher for a better grade. On the other hand, a child with a growth mindset will be curious about her mistakes, embrace the chance to try again, and continue learning. Teaching a growth mindset holds exciting prospects for the field of education and the potential for authentic, life-long learning.

Another trend in education today is the emphasis on projects and collaborative group work. In the high school where I taught Spanish, many teachers assigned projects to their classes in lieu of unit tests. For example, in one of my Spanish classes, we learned vocabulary related to homes. I assigned a project on Antoni Gaudi, a famous Spanish architect. The students worked in small groups to research his biography and one of his buildings. They used this information to compose a multi-media presentation, in which one student played the role of a real estate agent, and two others were a couple looking for a residence with specific amenities. In order to complete this project, students needed to employ a range of skills, including research, organization, writing, video and computer skills, oral language, and role play. Projects like this require sophisticated social skills, as each student works with her team to include, modify, and build upon everyone's ideas. Students were graded according to a rubric that addressed individual contributions and evidence of learning as well as the quality of the end result. This sort of assignment is a more accurate assessment of a student's learning, and better reflects the skill sets needed in today's work environments .

Entitlement is not a pretty word. No one is perfect. Life is not perfect. Let's not set our children up for unrealistic expectations. We can teach them to try again, work harder, take pride in their efforts and welcome challenges. We can help them to acknowledge the people they meet throughout the day and to appreciate the role that each one plays in our lives. They can view their peers as collaborators instead of competitors, and come to know the profound joy of true learning.

Hello Sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 19:45:00 +0000

Before taking my first job as Early Childhood Center Director, I underwent several interviews. One school leader, whom I deeply respected, asked a question that threw me for a loop. He said, "How do you say good morning to children?". Huh? How many ways are there to say "good morning"? What did he really want to know?

To prepare for this new position, I spent a day observing the center in action. I was present when the children began arriving, and suddenly understood the meaning of that nebulous question. Two boys walked through the door chatting, laughing, and gently pushing each other. A teacher reprimanded them to stop that behavior and take their places on the floor, where they waited for their teachers to bring them to their classrooms. Ouch. No one said "good morning" to those boys. Their introduction to the new school day was a negative encounter with an impatient teacher. They had to wait as a group, with nothing to do, before they could even enter their classrooms. My heart sank.

The way we greet children matters a lot and sets the tone for the rest of the day. Every child deserves a warm, individual greeting at the classroom door. Eye contact, a big smile and a brief, personal comment make our students feel welcome and special. "Hi, Marcy, that's such a pretty bow in your hair. Is it new?". Marcy will feel noticed and appreciated. Being the teacher's center of attention for a minute builds her confidence and energizes her to tackle the day's activities. The teacher has established a personal connection that will motivate that student to participate and follow class rules. That's a lot of value for a couple of minutes worth of pleasantries.

The same is true at home. Whether welcoming our children at our door or at car pool, a smile and a hug show them how much they mean to us. That moment of focused attention is powerful, non-verbal language that says, "I love you, I missed you, you're important to me." . Do your eyes light up when your child returns to you? That's emotional gold to little egos.

Treating other people with respect and dignity is a basic human obligation. Greeting each person we meet with a friendly smile is an expression of this obligation. There is a famous verse in Ethics of Our Fathers, a Jewish text on ethical behavior and interpersonal relationships, that teaches: "Receive every person with a cheerful face". A smile is an uplifting action that can profoundly impact another person. I remember my surprise when I read something that a boy I hardly new wrote in my high school year book, "The smiles you gave me when you walked past me in the hall I won't forget". I had no idea that I had made such an impression on him. I learned that a smile is a gift. It is an expression of love from one human being to another. It says, "I see you. I recognize you. We're connected by our humanity.".

Another benefit of greeting people warmly is that it helps us to accomplish our goals. We all enjoy the company of positive, upbeat people, and are more willing to hear them out, more comfortable to work with them. Positive feelings give us energy, motivation, and confidence. Smiles are contagious. Even on the phone, people can relate to the tone of our voice. When I recorded a voice greeting for my phone at the early childhood center, I always smiled while I spoke. I believed that smile could be heard. It communicated non-verbally that my school was a warm, positive, welcoming place.

Quick smiles don't come naturally to all of us, but they are easy to learn. If we consciously put a smile on our face each time we make eye contact, even with a stranger, it will eventually become a habit. Motor memory. And a default smile will in turn help us and those around us feel more positively. Spread some sunshine in our world. Smile!

Prejudice: Teach Your Children

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 18:22:00 +0000

Yesterday I spent the day in Los Angeles with my teenage granddaughter. Her brother is studying in yeshiva there, and between classes we took him out for lunch and dinner. In the afternoon, we spent a few hours at the Museum of Tolerance, established by the Simon Wiesenthal Center. It is an experiential museum, guiding visitors step by step through various scenarios leading up to and including the horrors of the Holocaust. At one point, we were faced with two doors: a red one labeled Prejudiced and a green one labeled Unprejudiced. I asked my granddaughter which we should choose, and she said "Unprejudiced, of course". But the door was locked. Only the door labeled Prejudiced was open. Hmmm....

Is prejudice inevitable? It's certainly very hard to trace. No one thinks they are racist or bigoted (except some very misguided souls), but somehow those feelings creep in without us noticing. Even really kind, open-minded people harbor hidden traces of prejudice. My daughter was once playing in our backyard with a little boy from across the street. They were both about six years old at the time. His family was Catholic and very fine people. The boy said to my daughter, "You're Jewish, and the Jews are going to hell because they killed Jesus. So you're going to hell." I was shocked. I knew he didn't hear that at home. And I myself had gone to Catechism classes, and knew he hadn't learn it there. What was up? My daughter had no clue of what he was talking about, but in a matter-of-fact way I told him that it was time for him to go home. A few minutes later his mother came to my house in tears, unable to understand where he learned that. "He's mixed up" she said.

Fast forward a few years and I was the deeply embarrassed mom. To this day, I have difficulty even admitting that it happened. My kindergarten daughter drew a picture in school. When asked to describe it, she told the teacher (who wrote it on the paper), "It's a black man climbing in the window to steal a TV". I was devastated. I thought I was so careful to teach kindness and tolerance to my children. My daughter couldn't explain to me why she had said that. I went to school in tears, mortified to show my face. But I wanted to hear from the program director, to learn where I had gone wrong. She tried to reassure me that children pick up all sorts of things from television programs, adult conversations, etc. She hadn't assumed that my family was racist.

If prejudice can enter our psyches subconsciously, how in the world can we prevent it? I'm not convinced that we can. What we can do is be hyper-vigilant, both with ourselves and our children, for any signs of potential prejudice. Tolerance of other people requires active teaching. We all feel most comfortable with people who are like us; differences make us uncomfortable, not "at home". The role of teachers and parents is to constantly be on the look-out for opportunities to educate children about differences between people, whether racial, religious, ethnic, physical, mental, etc., always emphasizing that our similarities are greater. Every life is sacred. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We are all connected.

One of the things that left a big impression on me at the Holocaust exhibit was the unconscionable murders of children. A few days before visiting the museum, I was at a park with my grandchildren. They found a bug that made them scream. They wanted to kill it, but I wouldn't allow them to. I picked it up in my hand, showing them its legs, antennae, eyes. They still thought it was ugly, but I made them understand that G-d created this creature just like He created us. It has a purpose in the world. We are not allowed to harm it. As I looked at the pictures of beautiful, innocent Jewish children, I wondered -- if children learn to cause no harm to a bug, can they grow up to brutalize and kill a defenseless child?

Children are open and curious. They may say embarrassing things in public. But we should welcome their comments as teaching moments. We can teach them not to stare, we can model respectful language about things that make people different, and things that make us the same. We can help them see that there is space for everyone in this world. We all belong. We all have the right to dignity and respect.

In Praise of Broken Crayons

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 31 Dec 2017 15:06:00 +0000

I recently spent a couple of hours with two of my granddaughters in the children's section of a public library in downtown Scottsdale, Arizona. It is magnificent! It occupies a huge, modern space, with high ceilings and well-organized areas. There are tons of books and cozy seating throughout the entire department, as well as lots of open-ended toys and interactive computer games. There are floor to ceiling" trees", and a large play area housed within the facade of a castle. While three year old Shifra played an interactive computer game, six year old Tehilla and I sat at a nearby coloring table. We emptied the cup of crayons onto the table, and to my surprise, they were all broken. In such a well thought out environment, I felt sure that this was intentional. Brilliant!

In my last years as early childhood director, the teachers and I noticed a growing trend among our young students. More and more children were entering preschool with weak fine motor skills. We suspected that this was caused by the growing popularity of electronic toys and devices, where a simple tap or swipe are all that's needed to play. Children are spending less time coloring, lacing beads, manipulating small cars, animals, people, puzzles and peg boards. Children with weak fine motor skills struggle to hold a pencil properly, have poor handwriting, and take longer to learn self-help skills. Fine motor muscles help us in day to day living; opening bottles and containers, buttoning, snapping, lacing, sewing, drawing, picking up small items,etc. And some professions, such as dentistry, surgery, carpentry, require precise control of the muscles in our fingers and hands.

The teachers and I decided to battle this phenomena with intentional activities and materials that would strengthen our students' fine motor muscles. We learned a lot along the way, such as the power of broken crayons! A broken crayon forces the user to grip it low and tight. And in order to get bright color from a crayon, it needs to be pressed hard. Markers are terrible for young fingers because they can be held any which way and still produce brilliant color. There are so many fun ways to help children strengthen their fine motor muscles. One teacher hid pennies in play dough, so the children had to pull it apart and dig with their fingers. Boards with locks to open and close or screws to twist with a screwdriver are fun and feel grown-up, as are various sized juice or milk cartons with caps to twist on and off. Children can use eye droppers to mix colored water, tongs to pick up cotton balls or other small objects, and clothes pins to clip along the rim of a can. Spray bottles and empty dish detergent bottles make great bath toys. Children enjoy dropping coins in a piggy bank or chips into slots, like Connect Four. A vertical writing space helps strengthen hand muscles too, either at an easel or by simply taping large paper to a wall.

Every area of our children's development is important and interconnected. While electronic games and toys can play a part in children's lives, we can't allow them to replace active play. Our children learn much more about the world by using their bodies. When most of their time is spent exercising their muscles, large and small, they grow to be strong, healthy, and capable.

You Are What You Eat

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 01:51:00 +0000

Young children grow at a remarkably rapid pace. The foods they eat directly determine the quality of their mood, energy, growth, mental development and physical health. The right foods keep a child on the move, playing and learning, while simultaneously building healthy tissue, bone, muscle, etc. A well nourished child can think clearly, manage stress, and heal quickly. The opposite is true of a child who eats too much junk. She will be irritable and cranky and struggle to maintain focus and complete tasks. She will be more prone to illness. The quantity of food does not compensate for its quality. A breakfast of sugar cereal, cookies and chocolate milk is almost as bad as no breakfast at all. Without any real nutrients to feed her body, she will still be hungry. We literally are what we eat.

Feeding our children is an act of love. It is one of our primary responsibilities as parents. Yet children vary in their appetites and tastes. Some babies are "good eaters" and open wide for all types of food. Others are picky and rarely seem hungry. The former are a pleasure to feed. My grandson Ephraim used to open his mouth wide, like a baby bird. He'd finish a bowl of food, I'd give him more. He'd finish that, I'd give him more. When I thought he had eaten more than enough, I'd try to pull him out of the high chair. Try. He would hold on for dear life. His mother had also been a good eater. She once toddled up to the refrigerator, banged on it and said, "Mine!".

Other children can be very picky eaters, causing their parents anxiety. We understand the importance of a healthy diet, but our child will tolerate only a limited number of foods. We look for new ways to coax him to eat. We pretend the spoon is an airplane: "Here comes the plane, flying into the hangar"; or a train: "chugga chugga choo choo" into the child's mouth. I did all sorts of things to make healthy food more fun for my children. The most memorable was adding whole carrots to their lunch boxes, carrots that still had the green leaves attached. I thought they might pretend to be Bugs Bunny. Instead, I think they may have been embarrassed. They were the "only" children who didn't bring junk food to school. Once, my son traded his sliced cucumbers for a fruit roll. I was actually more concerned about the boy who gave up the fruit roll; what kind of diet did this poor boy have, where he preferred the cucumbers to candy?

Sometimes parents give children unhealthy food because it's simply easier. It takes more time to prepare fresh food than to open a box or package of something ready-made. Children love sweets (don't most of us?) and will whine and cry for it. Treats are okay occasionally. Part of the definition of a treat is that we get it once in a while; that it's outside of the norm. A steady diet of treats is a recipe for disaster. The best approach is to simply not keep junk in the house, and to only allow it on special occasions. Fresh fruit can be just as delicious. I call it G-d's candy. Some planning ahead can ensure that there are healthy options available when our children want snacks. In addition to fruit, we can keep fresh veggies, sliced cheese, whole grain crackers and pretzels on hand.

Regardless of our children's individual appetites or tastes, there are steps we can take to make sure that they are eating healthfully. One suggestion is to limit the choices available at home. In the early childhood programs where I worked, we offered milk or water to children at snack time. Every year, parents would advise us that their children would not drink milk. However, when the only choice was milk or water, the children inevitably began drinking milk. Stating that a child won't drink milk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was once in a classroom where the children were eating apples. The teacher complained that they had been serving apples too often for snack. One little girl was listening nearby as the teacher complained. She put her apple down mid-bite and didn't finish it. When my children were younger, I served salad at most meals. Eventually, everyone learned to enjoy salad.

Parents' attitudes toward foods strongly impact a child's eating habits. It's important to keep an open mind and to use neutral language. For example, we can say that we don't care for a particular food, or it's not our taste. We shouldn't label a food as "disgusting" or "yuck". All food is a gift from G-d and children should learn to respect it. Schools are not permitted to use food as punishment, and this should be true at home too. Snacks and meals are necessities, not privileges. Food should also not be the first thing we run to when we're hurt or sad. We don't want our children to confuse their hunger for comfort with their hunger for food.

Food is a basic necessity, one that we can't live without. It is also one of life's pleasures. Finding a healthy balance of nutritious eating will fulfill our responsibility of feeding our children, teach them self-care, and nourish their optimal development.

Jewish Children and Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 15:55:00 +0000

Christmas is a magical time of year for young children. Here in America, it feels like everyone is celebrating. Houses are brightly lit, Christmas carols play repeatedly on the radio and in stores, Christmas shows and cartoons abound on TV, streets are adorned with wreaths and stars, people seem friendlier, shops have colorful displays and are busier than ever. It's impossible not to get swept up in the happy anticipation of the big day.

Before I converted to Judaism, Christmas was the highlight of my year. My parents took us shopping to pick out a real tree which we decorated carefully, filling the house with the smell of pine. My mother stenciled Christmas scenes on our windows, and hung the many cards we received in the shape of a tree on our living room wall. My father strung colorful lights across our front porch. I learned the story of Christmas from the nuns at Sunday school, who also taught us carols in English and Latin. Our school held a fair every year, with games, gifts, and a movie. We also had a Christmas play. One year I played the Virgin Mary. Another, I was a wind-up doll and had a solo singing "White Christmas". Christmas day, my siblings and I woke up to tons of gifts, which we compared with our friends when we went to church that morning. Later would be a huge family feast, more gifts and special treats. The winter season added to the warm, cozy feeling of celebrating this incredible day.

When I got to high school, my boyfriend and l would attend midnight mass on Christmas eve and exchange gifts. I continued to send Christmas cards to all my friends, but for the first time in my life, I had Jewish friends.  I remember feeling sorry for them. What is life without Christmas? I would select a few generic holiday cards to send them. But now that I am a Jew myself, I have a different understanding of holidays and celebrations. Here's what I've learned.

The beauty of Christmas stems from its religious meaning. Take that away, and the celebration becomes about glorifying commercialism and materialism. I wholeheartedly support those who endeavor to "Keep Christ in Christmas". Holidays and traditions are meant to connect us to our history and confirm our beliefs and values. If we want our children to lead principled lives with pride and confidence in who they are and where they come from, then we owe it to them to make sure our celebrations are authentic to our family values.

Over the years, people have mistakenly equated Chanukah with the "Jewish Christmas". This probably stems from the fact that they both occur at the same time of year, and that Jewish parents are eager to off-set the influence of Christmas on their children. This is very wrong-minded. Here are two videos that can explain this way better than I can:

Really cool rap song: https://www.facebook.com/rocky.zweig/videos/10159621579030117/

Mayim Bialik:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYeg7QbGR7E

The Jewish faith is rich in traditions and meaningful celebrations. Rather than offer children a phony imitation of someone else's faith, Jewish parents should explore and share their own faith with their children. Years ago, before I converted, I had agreed with my husband Jackie to raise our children Jewish. One day when we returned from a visit to my parents', Jackie expressed his concern about the exposure our daughter had to Catholicism; a crucifix in my brother's room, saying grace before meals. We realized that to raise a child Jewish, we needed to expose her in some way to Jewish things. He decided to begin lighting Friday night candles with our daughter. And so our journey began.

Christmas does not have to be an obstacle to raising Jewish children. There are many ways that parents can bring the beauty and richness of Judaism into their family, through rituals, artifacts, stories, holidays, and family traditions. Any child who knows the treasure of his own heritage can be happy and proud of his place in the world. When we adults take the time to examine our values and remain true to those values in every way, we can pass them on untainted to our children.

Snow White

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Sun, 17 Dec 2017 18:51:00 +0000

Last week my six year old granddaughter Nava and I spent a day in Manhattan. We took some time to look at the display windows of Saks Fifth Avenue, which were beautifully decorated with animated scenes from Snow White. Each window was intricately detailed and delightful to observe. I was very surprised to learn however that Nava had never heard of Snow White! I grew up on fairy tales, and certainly passed the stories on to my own children. I wondered if her ignorance was intentional or unintentional. Many of the fairy tales I enjoyed as a child became outmoded with the feminist movement. Waiting for Prince Charming to come to a woman's rescue became a sign of weakness and chauvinism. It turned out however that my daughter did not intentionally shield Nava from the Snow White story. Instead, newer Disney princesses and heroines have taken her place.

As we waited for the train home, I told Nava the story of Snow White. When we got to my house, I played the Disney video (yes, we still have a VCR). Some fresh ideas about feminism and role models for young girls came to mind as I revisited this childhood classic. The first new impression was of Snow White's admirable character traits and the definition of beauty. Her stepmother had forced her to work as a housemaid, cleaning and scrubbing and dressed in rags. But Snow White appeared content with her lot. She worked without complaint, singing and dreaming of a better future. Her kind and gentle nature attracted innocent woodland creatures and birds, who became her friends. And it was this gracious demeanor that made her even more beautiful than the Queen.

When the huntsman brought Snow White to the forest and urged her to run away, she appeared frightened and helpless. The shadowy woods seemed to be threatening her, with branches snatching at her cloak and spooky eyes peering out from the darkness. She tripped several times in her fear until she finally fell down and succumbed to sleep. She woke up surrounded by curious woodland creatures and told them something I found amazing: "... you don't know what I've been through. And all because I was afraid. I'm so ashamed.". Snow White understands that only fear can make one truly helpless. A brave woman is in control and able to make smart choices.

The little animals led Snow White to the house of the Seven Dwarfs. They worked at her side to clean and de-clutter the house, and Snow White cooked a big pot of soup. She brought order and a sense of well-being to the lives of the Seven Dwarfs. She made them wash before dinner, and they sang and danced afterward. The dancing scene was full of love, happiness and security, feelings associated with home. In making a home for the Seven Dwarfs, Snow White filled the traditional role of a woman, a role which seems to have lost its value in our modern society. Political correctness blurs the differences between the sexes and calls for men and women to share in the housekeeping as well as the breadwinning. But keeping house is not the same as making a home. I think it's a naturally feminine trait to nurture. Many men help, but most women tend to remain in control of the home.

The goal of the feminist movement was to give women choices, to eliminate the restrictions of what might be possible in a girl's life. Women have made enormous strides in the workplace over the years, and we continue to advance. At the same time, I think we should appreciate the choice that some women make to stay at home with their young children, and accept that their work is just as important as earning a salary. Every woman I know works hard and gives her all to everything she does.

Our daughters need adult role models in real life, story books, and history to show them the many possibilities open to them. Girls should know that they can make choices as they grow up, and control the course of their lives. We can attend to our daughters' interests and natural inclinations and find ways to help them grow up to be who they want to be. They can learn that there are many ways to be feminine, strong, successful, kind, and happy. Like Snow White, the only obstacle is their own fear.

Are We There Yet?

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Thu, 14 Dec 2017 01:28:00 +0000

Young children are always on the move. Their bodies and brain cells are growing at a rapid pace. They seem driven to play and learn and experience as much as they can during every waking hour. How many times have you wished that you could bottle that energy?

Waiting times, transitions between activities, are very uncomfortable for children. Whereas busy grown-ups welcome a chance to stop and daydream for awhile, busy children prefer to stay busy! Travel becomes problematic as children are forced to stay put and stay quiet for long periods of time. Most long distance travels are either by car or plane. Each presents its own challenges. But there are things we can do to make travel time more pleasant for children and parents alike.

Long car rides with children can be torturous. Even the most patient parents can lose their cool after hours of whining and fighting in the back seat of the car. Keeping our sanity at these times requires us to plan ahead and prepare. Personally, I would never leave home with a child under five without some sort of snack. Eating can be an activity for children. Of course, it's important to give them healthy snacks, so they don't get sick on the way. Snacks should be easy to eat and not present choking hazards. Some favorites are crackers, pretzels, juice boxes, fruits, raisins, and string cheese. An occasional treat can go a long way to keep the peace in the car. My sister had a great idea for long car rides with my kids. She brought a box of fruit rolls, and handed one out every time we crossed a bridge.

Many parents already have kid-friendly music that they play in the car. Frankly, I find a lot of music intended for children to be of poor quality and irritating. Children should be exposed to good music. If you enjoy music, of whatever genre, share it with your kids. There are also great toys and games for car rides. Car bingo sets get the kids looking out the window for items on their bingo cards. Finding as many different license plates as possible is also fun. Children enjoy playing word games with adults, such as Guess the Animal or Geography. For the first game, you think of an animal and answer yes/no questions until someone guesses the animal. (You can also play Guess the Person.) Geography is for older kids. One person names a place (city, state, country, river, continent, etc.) and the next person has to name a different place that begins with the last letter of the first (eg., New York / Kentucky). Books are a great pastime for kids of all ages, and younger children will enjoy sticker books. Magnetic shapes and letters can keep them busy too. You don't have to buy a fancy set; a child can maneuver magnets on a cookie sheet. Etch-a-Sketch is another good toy for the car, as is Simon, an electronic memory game. And while I don't encourage electronic games or videos, a long car ride could be the time break them out.

Babies often sleep in cars, which is the best case scenario. Occupying an infant in a car is very trying. Teething toys, finger foods, board books and rattles will help for a time. Frequent stops will help everyone stretch and move and get some air. Tossing a ball at a rest stop can be fun, and the gross motor exercise may help the children relax when back in the car.

In addition to restlessness, car rides can cause some children to get nauseous. These children should be taught to look far ahead, never close up while the car is moving. Dry crackers, like Saltines, can help with nausea, as can ginger ale. Bringing a pillow so the child can close her eyes and rest may help the most.

Planes are a bit easier because you can get up once in a while. But they are harder because you don't want to inconvenience other passengers. I just heard on the news today that George Clooney and his wife Amal gifted earbuds to their fellow air travelers, as an advanced apology for any crying from their six month old twins. Many of the suggestions for car rides will apply to plane rides too. Other good activities for plane travel include coloring books and crayons, mazes, dot-to-dots, magnetic checkers, tic-tac-toe, mini Connect Four, and playing cards.

There is so much that children can learn from traveling, and so much to be gained by experiencing new places. Planning ahead for those empty stretches of time can help everyone enjoy the ride.

Where Are You?

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 15:01:00 +0000

I just finished reading Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance. It is a memoir that describes the decline of white working class Americans, mixing personal experiences with studies and statistics. The author's family are hillbillies from Kentucky. He is one of the few in his community to get a college education (Yale Law School, no less) and change his cultural and social class. His book got me thinking about my own life story. How does anyone get to where they are in life?

I think of our lives as partnerships with G-d. He gives us gifts over which we have no control: where, when, and to whom we are born; our siblings and birth order; our physical characteristics; our individual temperaments; our natural intelligence. Our role in this partnership is what we do with what we're given; the choices we make that ultimately determine who we become. Parts of our lives are cultural or familial inheritance. But the time comes when we need to make our own decisions and assume responsibility for who we want to be.

I would often look at a class of students and wonder what life circumstances and adult decisions brought them to this place at this time. Why is this particular child in this class? Who are his parents and grandparents? Where did they come from? What brought them to this school? What can I learn from this child? What can I teach him? The decisions we make as adults become part of the uncontrollable factors in a child's life. For good or for bad, our words and actions will have a lasting impact.

The picture above is of my paternal grandparents, Anthony and Jenny Cariello, with my oldest child, my Risa. My grandfather emigrated from Naples, Italy when he was a young boy. My grandmother came over as a baby with her family from Sicily. At the time of this photograph, Risa and I were not yet Jewish. I converted shortly before her third birthday. My husband and I raised a family of fully observant and committed Jewish children. I went on to a career in Jewish education. Risa has dedicated her life to Jewish outreach and is raising seven children of her own. Together, we have touched the lives of hundreds, probably more, of Jewish families.

So how does a little Italian baby grow up to teach Jews about Judaism? In my case, I had a thirst for knowledge and a strong connection to G-d at an early age. I was the first in my family to graduate college, earning a B.A. and M.A. in Spanish. I met my husband in undergraduate school. We were married by a Judge after we had both graduated. I discovered Judaism when our first two daughters were still babies and I embraced it fully. I fell into early childhood education by doing some family daycare when my youngest two children were babies. I went back to school for a second masters degree, this time in early childhood education, and was offered a job as director at a local yeshiva. I loved my work and continued to grow professionally for many years.

Many of my friends and family never went to college. Where would I be now if I had decided to get a job right out of high school? Or even if I had stayed at Iona College, where I studied my freshman year, and not transferred to Binghamton? It's unlikely that I would have met my husband. I might have returned to the Catholic church, but cannot imagine that I would have considered Judaism. And suppose I returned to teaching high school Spanish instead of starting a family daycare? I probably wouldn’t have pursued a career in early childhood education. My decisions as a young adult determined the course of my life. And I think that's true of all of us.

Take some time to think about your own life story. Where do you come from? What life decisions brought you to where you are today? How might your current decisions impact your children's future? If you're a teacher, recognize that each student brings with her the life stories of her family. Understand that you have the power to affect her in ways you may not even imagine.

Toys: My Holiday Picks

noreply@blogger.com (Georgia Cohen) — Tue, 05 Dec 2017 23:15:00 +0000

I love shopping for toys, and with 17 grandchildren I get plenty of opportunities to do so. If play is the work of childhood, then toys are the tools. Carefully chosen toys give children the means to explore their world and to acquire a plethora of important skills and knowledge. Unlike traditional tools however, the best toys are open-ended, with a generalized purpose. In carpentry for example, certain jobs require very specific tools. In play, good toys should be used in multiple ways, only limited by a child's imagination. Think of a set of unit blocks, which are a staple in early childhood classrooms. Children can build towers, farms, skyscrapers, zoos, neighborhoods, roads, or any structure that they might dream up. Blocks are sometimes used to take the place of people or planes or trees. (This sort of representational play is actually quite sophisticated, and is a prerequisite to reading and creativity.) Some other basic super toys for children of all ages include play-doh, art supplies (crayons, paints, markers...), balls, vehicles, dolls, books, puzzles, and riding toys.

Toys are the best gifts to give to children because they are appreciated so much more than anything practical. And isn't the point of gift-giving to bring joy to the recipient? When choosing a gift, the first consideration should be the child's interests and current developmental levels. A good toy will bring her hours if not years of fun. My own grandchildren range in age from 7 months to 17 years, so I thought it might be helpful to share some of my gift ideas for different age groups. If you know any of my grandchildren, please don't tell!

My youngest granddaughter is the fourth child in her family. I'm getting her a soft doll and money for spring clothes. Toy shopping for Infants can be difficult because they neither need nor appreciate toys. They are just as happy to grab and mouth a paper cup as an expensive teething toy. That being said, board books are good infant toys, as are play mats and bouncers. As they pass their first birthday, they might enjoy walker toys (they hold on and toddle), an outdoor swing, banging toys like balls and hammers, nesting toys, soft blocks, or a toy piano. A favorite toy I gave my one year olds was a rocking horse.

Twos are ready to manipulate their fine motor muscles. They like farm houses with little animals, or garages with small cars and an elevator they can crank up and down. Peg boards, large beads for lacing, Mr. Potato Head, shape sorters, all work their fine muscles and are great fun. Twos also enjoy bath toys and riding toys that they move by pushing their feet. The best two year old toy I've given was probably a wagon. Kids love to ride and pull their friends, and parents find them useful at parks and zoos.

Three year olds are busy acquiring language and beginning to play imaginatively. They're steadier on their feet and ready for large muscle toys. Previous gifts I've gotten for three year olds were hoppers (to sit on and bounce), trikes, scooters, dolls and accessories, floor puzzles, dress-ups, puppets, tool kits, and basketball hoops. The most popular were probably the play kitchens I got for each family. This year, I have three three-year old grandchildren: two boys and a girl. I got my granddaughter Spin Art. I got both grandsons something called Tap and Tack. It's a cork board that comes with various wooden shapes, each with a little hole, and child-safe nails and hammer. They'll hammer the shapes onto the board and make up their own designs.

Fours and fives will enjoy many of the same toys as threes. As their skills are more advanced, they begin to play simple board games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, or Connect Four. They may advance from trikes to two-wheelers, from Duplos to Legos. This year, four of my grandchildren are six years old: two girls and two boys. One girl is getting a play-school set. It comes with a chalkboard, chalk, name plates, prizes... she picked it out of a catalog (lakeshorelearning.com). I bought her cousin a set of tangrams. It's a magnetic set, with shapes that can be arranged to look like animals. One of my boys is getting a set of walkie-talkies, and the other is getting a build-your-own creature with remote control capabilities. He picked it from the same catalog.

There are two eight year olds, one nine year old, one ten year old, and two eleven year olds in our family. Only one of the eight year olds is a girl. She chose the same school play set as her six year old cousin. Her eight year old cousin is getting a complete 2017 set of baseball cards. The nine, ten, and one eleven year old are all getting ATM style savings banks. They love money and have collected empty bottles and set up lemonade stands to earn some, so I know this will be a hit. The other eleven year old is getting Boggle, a word game he can play with his siblings.

We have three teenage grandchildren. They are impossible to shop for. Even if I think of something they might like, teens in general are very picky. So they are each getting money, and I know they will be thrilled.

As much as I love buying toys, there are times when the best present is a special one-on-one outing. Giving individual attention to one child, maybe attending a game or show, is a priceless gift for both the recipient and the giver!

It's so much fun to give to our children, to make them happy. I hope you enjoy shopping and are rewarded with lots of smiles and hugs and days filled with play.