1. Anger arises from blocked goals. When we set an inappropriate goal, one we can’t control, we get angry. It’s what “causes fights and quarrels.” Read James 4:1-2.
2. Anger steels life and possessions. When we lash out as someone in anger, we take something from them. Words wound because of what it rips out of another.
3. Anger seeks personal pleasure. We get angry because we want our way. Something or someone inconveniences our plan. But anger, left unchecked, leads to bitterness and isolation, the very thing that robs us of life and possessions too.

So I ask you, is there a murderer in the house? Fittingly, my presentation to the men of IronWorks was on a Friday the 13th. Scary, huh?

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You know it. It’s that thing you’ve always told yourself you’d get around to doing…someday. After you pay off that loan. Or after the kids leave home. Or after…(you pick the reason).

That thing is your dream. It’s the thing that gets you excited just thinking about it. It’s the thing that feels right for you, as if God made you for it. It feels right, it’s “just not the right time,” you keep telling yourself.

The book of Proverbs says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). Deferring our dreams until that magical moment when everything lines up to make it spring to life is not prudence, it’s fantasy. And it makes our heart sick. Eventually, if you’ve put it off long enough, the sicken heart forgets the dream altogether. That which once brought excitement and anticipation quietly vanquishes.

“A longing fulfilled is a tree of life,” the Proverbs reminds us. But how do we pursue longings that seem so unachievable—so much like a dream—from where we are right now? A critical first step is to recognize that anything worth doing comes with its own form of resistance. I call that a Dream Tax. Dream Taxes are anything that weakens the pursuit of your dream. It could be money, or energy, or inexperience, or any other excuse you conjure up for not pursuing it.

The key to fulfilling your dream is recognizing that every dream has a tax, and then naming the tax you’re currently paying. Even if you’re intentionally pursuing your dream, there’s still a tax to be paid. I was once told that you can measure the size of your commitment by what it takes to stop you. That’s a good way to think about it. The Dream Tax is like a fence. It stands in the way of where you want to be, and it’s easier just to stay on this side of it. But the tree of life is on the other side of the fence. Could something as small as a fence keep you from it?

I invite you to join me at the next Business Networking Group meeting at Christ Presbyterian Church in Edina on Tuesday, February 28th at 6 p.m. I’ll be diving deeper into this idea of a Dream Tax and offer some suggestions on how to lower your tax rate. The event is free and open to all. Watch my preview video and visit the CPC BNG website for more information and to register for the event.

What tax are you paying on your dream right now?

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Over the years, my wife and I developed a habit of getting away the day after Thanksgiving to map out our goals for the upcoming year. For us, it’s a perfect time to think strategically about the future having just given thanks for the past.

But a few years ago, just before Thanksgiving, I discovered something lacking—my enthusiasm. I knew I hadn’t done well on the 22 goals that I set for the year and, like a child that just failed an exam, I had little interest in knowing why. I felt defeated.

With so many goals, I knew my approach was fundamentally flawed. But I had no idea how flawed until I heard a message from my good friend, Pastor Roger Thompson. To this day, I don’t remember what he spoke about (sorry Roger), but I do remember him making an aside observation that men deal with three issues in their lives: failure, fear, and fatigue. His insight unlocked a door for me. I knew those feelings—22 times over.

What transpired from that breakthrough was a new approach to goal setting. One that, I think, is more biblically-based than many of the corporate goal setting workshops you and I have attended.

If you’re in need of a fresh and courageous approach to goal setting,  I invite you to discover what I learned at the next Year of Living Courageously workshop (website) at Cross of Glory Church in Hopkins, MN on February 25th.  Plan to come now because a year is a terrible thing to waste.

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Here’s a book you’ll want to get and read. Trust me. It’s a fast and easy read, but it packs an important message. The book is Man Alive and it’s written by my friend and mentor Patrick Morley.

I first “met” Pat reading his groundbreaking book, Man in the Mirror, when it came out in 1989. It explored the 24 challenges men face in a fresh and authentic way. Quickly, it became a best-seller and I circulated my copy to many of the guys I hung out with at the time. Since that time, I’ve read every one of Pat’s books and I’ve had the pleasure to meet and work alongside him as part of the National Coalition of Ministries to Men, an organization that he co-founded and led for over a decade. In fact, you might say I’m weakly following in his footsteps having recently assumed the role of President of that organization.

So naturally, when he asked me to preview his latest book, I was more than delighted to do so and also to write an endorsement appearing in its pages. In my opinion, Man Alive is just the kind of book, like his first, that you’ll want to read and pass along to others that you know.

In it, Pat rightly observes that “most men know only enough about God to be disappointed with Him.” And so, it’s an invitation to rediscover a God who wants to satisfy their “seven primal needs,” as Pat puts it. These are: to know we are not alone; to know that God cares for us personally; to believe there’s a purpose for our lives; to break free from destructive behavior; to satisfy our thirst for awe; to love without reservation; and, to make a the world a better place. As his is style, Pat explores each need in compelling and practical ways, combining story with biblical truth that makes it easy for us guys to take in.

If you’re looking for something to revive your spirit and to share with other guys you care about, pick it up and take in for yourself. It goes on sale today at your favorite bookseller. Check out the book website for more info and for fun, watch a trailer of Pat navigating his Porsche at high speed.

What books have you found yourself sharing most often with others?

NOTE: I receive no compensation for this endorsement.

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Long ago and far away a journey began. It was the greatest journey ever undertaken. And it was the longest, for its beginning and ending were in heaven and its stops were here on earth. The God of all creation became the earthly baby Jesus–a baby that would begin a journey of His own among the men fashioned after His own image.

It was His first and only journey as the Incarnate among men.  He began that journey much as we all do our first journies. Awkwardly. To say that something of God is “awkward” seems inappropriate, but its very awkwardness is at the heart of the reason for the undertaking. Our first steps as toddlers are an awkward stumbling about until we gain balance and confidence. When God took his first steps among us it was awkward too. Not in the same way, for everything by Him was purposeful. But how awkward is it that the King Magnificent would make his entrance as a helpless baby? Even more awkward still to be born to a poor unwed virgin girl without a place to stay, in an unremarkable village unknown to those in the Roman center of the world. That wise men bringing gifts for a king would find the Christ-child laying in an animal feeding trough is the height of irony–a circumstance nothing short of awkward.

Yet, it is in this very awkwardness that the heart of the Journeyman shines forth. He came in the most awkward way possible to show that we’re worth the trip. Every journey you and I take has a core motivation for undertaking it. Whether to shop at a store to find a gift or travel to a distant place to experience a difference culture. We judge the outcome of the journey by how well it satisfies the reason we had for going, offset by our cost in taking it. If we come home without a gift, for instance, or if its price was higher than we wanted to pay, our experience is less than satisfying. The trip wasn’t worth it.

God began the greatest and most awkward trip on that Christmas day long ago because He loves His creation. And the price was as great as it could possibly be; an earthly visit begun in awkwardness and terminated in violence. Yet it was undertaken because it was worth the price to the Traveler. When He was older, Jesus said He came to “seek and save what was lost” (Luke  19:10). If nothing else, the awkwardness of His arrival teaches me that had I been the only one on earth, the Good Shepherd would have come for me as well. For He came not to draw attention to Himself, but to be with me and show me how to make my own awkward journey to the home He has waiting for me.

I, for one, am so glad this Christmas that God thought enough of me to show up, awkwardness and all.

As you reflect on Christmas this year, what makes your heart glad?

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To strengthen my vocabulary I like to receive the “Word of the Day” from Dictionary.com. Each day a new word that I’ll likely never use arrives in my inbox. Those I find interesting I set aside in a separate folder. I’ve amassed 530 such words so far. Today, I’m adding another one: appetence. According to Dictionary.com, it’s a noun meaning “intense desire; strong natural craving; appetite.”

What a fitting word for today. Thanksgiving is that time when family and friends gather around to feast—to satisfy our appetence for food, football and, increasingly, for fabulous pre-Black Friday deals. It’s also the time when torrents of holiday activity can invade our calendar, leaving us exhausted at its conclusion. As one business leader asked me this past week, “Please pray for me over these next six weeks of craziness.” For him, and for many, Thanksgiving marks the starting line of an endurance race; forty days of guests, shopping, and holiday party ad nauseam. It’s enough to heighten one’s appetence for rest.

If Thanksgiving feels like the starting line of a craziness marathon for you, may I suggest you build your appetence for gratitude. Each day, from now until New Year’s day, write down just one thing that you are thankful for. That simple proactive exercise may not only stem the tide of craziness in your own life but spill over onto others as well. You can start right now, right here, by leaving a comment below. It may just renew your appetence for gratitude, and what a great day to start that on.

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” – Col 2:6-7

What are you thankful for?

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I guess I’m just a hopeless optimist. Ever since we moved into our neighborhood I’ve bought candy to hand out to the kids on Halloween. But no one ever comes. Not one kid in twenty-three years.

I can’t really blame them, though. We live at the end of a 200 foot driveway lined with trees and shrubs. Docile by day, these guardians of the driveway turn into an ominous force at night, especially through the eyeholes of a Batman or Spiderman mask. Truth be told, there are times when I’d rather not wander down my driveway at night either! Indeed, it takes the courage of a real Batman or Spiderman to seek a treat from the Gates’ household.

If only these wanna be superheroes in my neighborhood knew what awaited them at the end of that darkened trail. If just ONE brave soul had mustered up the courage to call on our house, they would have been showered with so much candy they’d be in sugar nirvana. And since I was alone this last Halloween evening, I would have thrown caution to the wind and given them the whole ten pound bag. (Better they eat it than me.)

Pursuing our dreams is like that too. Many of us stay in the comfort and safety of bright lights and well worn paths. We’d rather run up to the door behind others, receiving a metered out portion, while just a short distance away, a treasure awaits, untouched. Jesus told His followers that they should choose the narrow gate, because “small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:13-14).

No worthwhile pursuit is on the easy path. To find it, you must don your superhero courage and trek into the scary unknown. And when you do, you’ll find God there delighted that you came to receive His extravagant blessing.

What courageous next step do you need take to pursue your dream?

[If you're ready to turn down the road toward your dream, why not join us at the next Dream Intensive on December 2nd? Readers of this blog can receive a discount, simply by asking.]

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Last week at IronWorks, I asked the men to take a moment and write on a 3×5 card something they were thankful for. They turned these cards in along with any prayer requests they had. As I read through the cards, I couldn’t help but notice a spirit of thankfulness also rising up inside of me. Here’s a sampling. Read them slowly and see if it happens to you as well.

Thanks for my wife who keeps everything going for everyone.

I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness, mercy, and provision.

I’m thankful for the bonding and oneness of this group.

I’m thankful for God’s grace and  for the Word.

Thankful for God who guides me, loves me, disciplines me, and forgives me.

I am thankful for the strength that God gives me each day to complete the tasks that I encounter.

I’m thankful that I have a job.

Thanks for God’s grace because His grace is enough. God is good even when life it tough. Note: keep this note and repeat daily.

That last comment has some good advice: Keep and repeat. Write a note of thanks and repeat it daily. With Thanksgiving only five weeks away, what a great way to get in some warm-up practice. I’m passing along their thankfulness in hopes that their gratitude might inspire some of your own.

What would you write on your 3×5 card? Leave a comment below.

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Many aspire to be great leaders, but few give much thought to being a great apprentice. Because leadership is borne through apprenticeship, the best leaders are also great apprentices.  They know that there’s always something they can learn from others and they’re not afraid to pursue it. In my earlier post, I listed three benefits to being a more intentional apprentice. But how do you become a more intentional apprentice? How can you get the most out of a relationship with a mentor? In my experiences both as an apprentice and as a mentor, I’ve found four fundamental strategies to be very effective:

1. Start small & focused. Be clear about your objective. The more focused you can be on what you want to accomplish, the more likely you’ll find a great mentor. You’ll make a better, more winsome, apprentice to your prospective mentor, too. Suppose you want to write a book and you’ve never been published. If you approach a published author or publisher and ask them to mentor you as an aspiring writer, you may not get very far. However, asking to meet with them briefly to get their perspective on which markets are best to write for, or what to look for in an agent, or the best conferences to attend, will more likely get you an audience and the possibility of a more lasting relationship. Start by asking to meet once. If that goes well, suggest a monthly or quarterly check-in. Don’t ask to meet any more often than is reasonable to accomplish your objective. Over time, your objective may grow and, with it, their commitment to meet with you as well.
2. Pursue the best mentors possible. When you want to excel in a particular skill, select a mentor from the highest shelf your network will support. The right mentor for you may be someone you know, or, perhaps more likely, someone separated by one degree–known by someone you know. Ask your network to help you accomplish your objective. For example, “Who do you know that might help me evaluate literary agents?” Don’t be surprised if you get some pretty incredible names. Many in your network will love to show off the superstars they know. Don’t let their superstar status or busy schedule intimidate you. The best mentors are busy people. But they’ll take time for those who are serious about achieving their objectives. Many are like the prettiest girl in high-school who never got asked out on a date simply because the boys assumed she was already taken. Good mentors, however, were usually mentored themselves and are eager to share their experiences to those who ask.
3. Be a learner. This seems rather obvious, but I’m always amazed at how many times I’ve met with someone who requested a meeting, only to find that they didn’t have a clear reason to meet. The conversation awkwardly fumbles about until I finally ask, “Why did you want to meet me?” Conversely, I’m always impressed by those who have prepared questions listed out ahead of time. The simple act of opening a notebook with prepared questions speaks loudly about their attitude and their respect for my time.
4. Own the pursuit. Like a good salesperson, always own the pursuit. As the apprentice, it’s your job to set the appointments and topics you’d like to explore. If you’re expecting a mentor to take the lead, you’re looking for the wrong mentor. At the end of each meeting, suggest a topic for the next, and always send an email to confirm your appointment. It will show your eagerness to learn and will create anticipation for your mentor too.

One final thought about intentional apprenticeship. Over the last thirty years, I’ve learned from some really stellar mentors. They’ve taught me as much about myself as they have the objectives I’ve discussed with them. One of the things I discovered is that it’s easy to look at their successes and compare them with my own–and come up short. (Remember, we’re reaching from the highest shelf.) That kind of comparison produces only envy or resentment, neither of which is helpful as an intentional apprentice. The best antidote to envy and resentment, however, is thanksgiving. So end every session expressing your thanks to them for their assets of wisdom and knowledge that benefits your personal growth.

As an intentional apprentice, what other strategies have you found helpful?

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