The city itself is as laid back as you can imagine. For instance, if you want a tuk tuk to bring you somewhere, you have to seek them out if they aren’t sleeping in their tuk tuk. One driver actually was passed out in a little hammock he installed in the back of his tuk tuk. I thought that was brilliant and definitely would’ve hired him had he not been sleeping. Another great example of how laid back Laos is comes from the Myanmar embassy again but this time in Vientiane as I was trying to avoid the hassles associated with Bangkok-no such luck.

I showed up at the embassy the moment it opened in the morning to try to phenagle a same day visa as I can usually be pretty persuasive with these bureaucrat types from third world nations. But when I showed up, I was greeted by a very nice woman who said they could not give me a visa in less than three days because they were very busy. I looked behind her and saw that including her there were four people in the office and two of which were completely passed out asleep. I said what are you busy doing? She said they have many visa applications and I asked where they were because I didn’t see any passports on the counter where the visa window was. She scoffed and shrugged in a please just leave me alone manner.

I kindly asked to speak to her boss as surely a few kips would solve this problem. She pointed to the boss who was drooling all over himself at his desk and she said she didn’t want to disturb him. Now I am trying to not laugh but still be forceful as I would really like to get this done in laid back Laos and not have to deal with Bangkok and the lunacy that goes along with that city. Long story short, she was starting to get upset and seemed to be scared shitless of her boss for whatever reason and she was so nice and little that I just said forget it and went to tour the city and as I posted previously got the visa in BKK. For future reference for anyone, for Myanmar either get your visa at home or do the day trip route across the Thai land borders as the expats do for visa runs when their Thai stay is about to expire because they will issue your visas at the spot for a few Baht.

The rest of Vientiane is very pleasant. There are a lot of French crumbling mansions and lovely tree lined streets. You almost forget you’re in SE Asia. The best sight is Pha That Luang and as you see in the picture up top, it’s a lovely Buddhist stupa and the most sacred sight in Laos. It resembles the Shwedagon Paya in Yangon as well-just smaller. After my tuk tuk sightseeing tour of the city I just went back to the hotel and chilled on the Mekong (above) and had a few Beer Lao’s which is a great beer by the way. I think I remember seeing them in France actually but not anywhere else, except Thailand but definitely give it a try if you see it.

Yangon, Myanmar (Burma)
After all my issues with the visa and with the flights I finally arrived in Yangon to a massive monsoon that really mucked up my time there which was very short anyway because of the crappy way the flights eventually broke down although it did save me like $400. Additionally, I had to carry my backpack (15kg) for several hours as there was no checked baggage area and I couldn’t check in for my flight, which made for a sweaty and heavy few hours.

The highlight of Yangon is certainly the Shwedagon Paya which is the defining image of Yangon and a symbol of the Burmese identity as you can see in the picture which I did not take because my pictures are really ugly because of the weather! Sunrise and sunset, as with most sights in SE Asia are the best time to view the stupa.

Honestly, other than that I don’t have much to say about Burma except that I was happy to get out because after the stupa there is nothing else to see or really do in Yangon. I really wish I had more time and next time I will certainly make it up to Bagan in the north of the country where the famous temples are and also to Mandalay which is supposed to be nice. Next time!

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

To me, Kuala Lumpur or KL, will always symbolize my thirst to start traveling the world. When I was a junior in college studying abroad in London I was watching the Commonwealth Games on TV and they were being hosted by Malaysia, a country I had barely ever heard of at the time. They showed around the city and the brand spanking new Petronas Towers looked incredible. I thought it was the most exotic place I had ever seen. So I went there later that year and that was my first real traveling adventure. 10 years later I returned to KL and to my delight everything they were building in 1999 seemed to be finished and the city was polished and pretty darn nice.

The towers are still awesome and they don’t even look real. They are no longer the world’s tallest building but they are still second behind Taipei 101. The rest of the city is wealthy from the oil and technology revenues that fit this new Asian Tiger so well. The city teems with motorbikes, awesome restaurants, food stalls and bars that make it a very pleasant place to be despite the searing heat that is almost always over 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

I was in KL only one night and stayed in the city center within easy walking distance to all the major sights and I even had a chance to go out for a bit with some Aussies I met to the great backpacker retreat called Reggae Bar. They didn’t play much reggae but the energy was great and I didn’t stay out long as I was exhausted but I hadn’t been out much this trip so it was nice to play some pool and have a beer.

And On…
I am now in the Sultanate of Brunei and headed to Kota Kinabalu in Sabah in an hour or so. Borneo is a cool place made up of four distinct areas of which I will be visiting each of them. There will be little sleep and I just finally booked my ticket to Papua New Guinea and beyond and think I may have actually found a competent travel agent to help me with my South Pacific travels so I am excited and hopeful. Aussies are the best bet for the Pacific and I probably should have started with them…more on that to come once I see that everything works out. Also, I will post on Borneo once I have completed the four regions of Brunei, Sabah, Sarawak and Kalimantan. By the way, it’s hot in Borneo-really hot!

One night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster, the bars are temples but the pearls ain’t free
You’ll find a God in every golden cloister, and if you’re lucky then the God’s a she.
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.

One night in Bangkok makes the hard man humble, not much between despair and ecstasy.
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble, can’t be too careful with your company.
I can feel the devil walking next to me.

I stayed for three nights in Bangkok, the first night I stayed in Sukhumvit which is the upscale shopping and business area as I had a free room at the Westin thanks to Starwood and I was exhausted and just needed a good night’s sleep in one of those heavenly beds. Afterwards, I moved to one of my favorite spots on Earth; the mecca of backpackers, Khao San Road.

Khao San Road was made famous by the movie “The Beach” when Leo DiCaprio spent some time there but in truth it has been famous for decades with the legions of travelers who linger in the dirt cheap guesthouses, massage parlors, bars, food stalls, shopping and generally great times. Khao San Road is the place to get stuff done in Southeast Asia as there are a million and one travel agents and tour companies along and around it. Most offer very cheap tickets, bookings and tours and can save the intrepid backpacker weeks more in spending money to keep their trips going longer.

My main purpose in Bangkok and on Khao San Road was twofold; to eat amazing and dirt cheap food and to get a Myanmar visa. The food stalls along Khao San Road serve up huge portions of pad thai for 25 cents…yes for 25 cents you can have an amazing pad thai meal and have plenty of cents left over for egg rolls, pizza, fruit or whatever else you want to munch on. It is all possible on Khao San Road. Additionally, you can pretty much get whatever you want period. Whether it be a designer suit, fake ID, any type of clothes, jewelry, massage (legit), lady friends or lady boys, tuk tuk’s, etc., you will certainly be offered by tons of hawkers and enterprising Thai’s trying to pry away your Baht.

As for my visa to Myanmar, I have to say it was a pain in the ass for a few reasons. First, I didn’t know if I would be approved at all because of this site. Myanmar’s military junta government doesn’t allow journalists into the country. Now I do not claim to be a journalist but as you can plainly see I do write about my trips and offer insights into countries, etc. However, that turned out to be the least of my problems as I got to Bangkok on some random Buddhist holiday that lasted for 4 days.

The major problem was that nobody could actually tell me if the embassy was open or not and everyone in tourism whom I asked gave me as different answer so finally I called the trusty concierge at the Westin to get me this crucial information. They told me it was closed until Wednesday which was the third different day that I heard it would open so I decided to go with that as they didn’t ever answer the phone when I skyped the embassy and had no recording that gave closing information. It turned out it was open on Tuesday but what can you do. So anyway, to make a long story short I eventually did get the visa on Thursday after paying a little extra Baht to the giggly man behind the counter to rush it.

To make another long story short, my ticket which I booked with the travel agent at Sawasdee House, which is my go to guest house along Khao San Road, was not able to be issued until I secured the visa and because I didn’t know if I would be approved I had to wait until I found out at 3pm. Before I paid for the booking, I asked the idiot woman SEVERAL times if I would be able to initiate the ticket which was to leave at 5:50pm. She kept assuring me that it was possible and there was no problem at all. So I believed her, with trepidation, but I figured she knew what she was talking about as she insisted.

Clearly not though because I called her as soon as I left the embassy to tell her to issue the ticket and she told me that she couldn’t do it and seemed to completely forget the hour long conversation we had had just an hour or so beforehand. She kept telling me I told her a different time that I would call when clearly I didn’t as it didn’t give her enough time to issue the ticket. This did not please me as I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place as I wanted to fly to Myanmar immediately on the Thai Air flight I thought I had booked.

She then told me that I had to go to the airport to buy the tickets which would invariably be at least twice as expensive or she told me to book online with Air Asia. I was so annoyed but couldn’t be bothered arguing with her as she was conveniently forgetting English as we spoke on the phone. So I went to the airport and tried to get a good deal on the ticket to Yangon. No such luck on Thai Airways. So my only options were to wait two days and go on Air Asia or go to Kuala Lumpur for nothing on Air Asia and then come back up to Bangkok. So I chose going to KL as I hadn’t been in years and I like that city. So to KL it was and a good time was had by all (more on KL in upcoming posts). By the way I didn’t write much about sights in Bangkok because I have been to the city many times and have seen every sight imaginable several times and didn’t sightsee this time, but if you do go, there is a lot of cool stuff to see, especially the temples.

I don’t know why I just thought of this but here is a top ten list about Khao San Road and Bangkok in general.

You know you’ve been in Bangkok too long if:

1. You think that paying more than 25 cents for a meal is highway robbery
2. You think it’s your God given right to a $3 hour long massage from a 9 year old
3. You try to invent reasons to get a fake ID, even when you’re 30
4. You own a “Same Same But Different” tee shirt (yes I bought one again-it never gets old)
5. You think it’s normal cruising around town in a tuk tuk at 100mph sans seat belt while the driver tries to sell you on everything imaginable while staring at you in the rearview and not looking at the road
6. You don’t even bat an eye when you see lady boys and prostitutes
7. You have looked at designer suits and actually thought, hmmm these could be good
8. You think it’s normal to sweat profusely at all times day and night and Singha and Tiger beer actually are better than water for replenishing your lost fluids
9. You think Thai whiskey is good and not simply the liquid crack that it is
10. You can say NO to several hawkers at the same time without losing a syllable of the real conversation you are having

I will have more on SE Asia in the next few days as my travel schedule is pretty hectic right now and I have to write about Laos, Myanmar, Malaysia and then I go to Borneo so check back really soon as hopefully tonight I can get some time to write.

I arranged my tour a month or so ago while I was in the UK with a company called Blue Poppy Tours that I had been recommended on Thorn Tree. They were very good and I would totally recommend them. There are two partners, one in the UK, Choki, whom I emailed with who set up the tour while his partner in Bhutan, Karma, set up the flight with Drukair, the visa and paperwork plus the guide and driver in Bhutan. They did an excellent job. My guide was a very nice, albeit businesslike, woman and the driver was a laid back joke cracking Bhutanese man who drove very well and never even came close to crashing off the steep, high ledges they call highways.

The highlight of my three days in Bhutan was far and away the hike up to Taktshang Goemba, otherwise known as the Tigers Nest. It is simply one of the most awesome sights I have seen and the setting alone should make it more famous than it is but it is truly magical and mysterious.

The Tigers Nest is a monastery perched on the side of a sheer cliff about 1000 meters above the Paro Valley below. The only sounds are the sound of the waterfall accompanying the monastery and the chanting monks who pray in the nest. It is called the Tigers Nest because the Bhutanese believe that Guru Rinpoche flew to the site of the monastery on the back of a tigress, a manifestation of his consort to subdue the local demon. He then meditated in the cave for three months. The site has suffered two fires, the most recent in 1998 and was finally completed and re-opened to tourists in 2005-that is the few that can make the hike.

The hike is a pretty arduous and steep hike up the mountain to the point where I took these pictures. Then you have to walk down about 400 steps-some stone and some mud and then cross the waterfall and then up another 300 steps to the Tigers Nest all surrounding a 1000 meter cliff gorge. It should take a person in decent shape about two hours one way. However, you are hiking up about 1000 meters in altitude from about 7500 feet up to about 11,500 feet so altitude could become a problem and either way it will slow your progress and make your heart race and you breathe heavy. I am a pretty good climber and was able to make it in a little over an hour but many people I passed did not make it and just viewed the monastery from the café about half way up. Many people who visit Bhutan are older because of the tariff per day so many people don’t end up actually making it into the Tigers Nest although they could ride horses if they chose to.

The Tigers Nest is a series of several very little temples where the monks pray. There are many different Buddha’s within the monastery and there are stories that go along with all of them that I cannot possibly remember them all but the monks and the disciples bring offerings of food and money to the Buddha. I was really fortunate to be there on a day where the monks were having a ritual day and chanting in the biggest of the rooms. I was able to sit in on it and it was truly mesmerizing to watch. I have seen many monks before in different parts of Asia but never sat in on a ceremony so it was really neat to see and honestly kind of mind-blowing as well.

After the hike we continued on the tour and went to the national museum of Bhutan which was the only part of the tour that I would say pass on. The best part of the museum is the building itself which is directly over the Paro Dzong. The Dzong is kind of like a mosque for Buddhists and has monks praying and learning and there is a large open area and you have to take your shoes off of course. They are very beautiful and the Paro Dzong is one of the largest in Bhutan.

After the Dzong we drove about 50km to the capital city of Thimpu. Thimpu is more of a big town as there are no cities in Bhutan. The Parliament and Kings Palace are in Thimpu and the city is very picturesque and has an amazing viewpoint that overlooks the whole city.

The King is worth noting as well because he is 29 years old, educated at Oxford, and was given power last year becoming the 5th King in Bhutan’s history after his father abdicated. The King is also very good looking according to my guide and some other tourists I came across and is apparently a very sought after bachelor in Bhutan. I’d imagine it must be good to be King of Bhutan at 29.

Anyway, all in all Bhutan is one of the best bang for your buck destinations on Earth and I am so happy I was able to get there. I only wish I had more time as I would’ve liked to have done a trek but for the price tag, you’re better off in neighboring Nepal, Tibet or India. However, the land of the thunder dragon is the type of place that will stay with me for years. The kind of place you wish every place could be like. It’s a place that hasn’t given in to the modern age and where gross national happiness is more important than gross national product. I hope everyone can get to Bhutan at some point because it is one of a kind. With regards to the hefty price tag, one of the Aussie tourists I met said it perfectly, “It keeps the riff raff out”. Kind of funny, especially coming from an Aussie but she was right at the same time and Bhutan has done just that and I hope it stays unique and doesn’t give up its identity.

Kathmandu Guest House has been wonderful to me. First, they provided a shuttle from the airport to the hostel and upon arrival I had three people there to meet me who had seen my website and were very gracious and accommodating when I arrived. I was given the best type of room at a rock bottom price and was greeted with the friendliness that I had read about Nepali’s. Their breakfast’s are marvelous and serve some of the best banana pancakes I have ever had which is an obvious thing to eat when traveling in South Asia.

Another person greeting me was my man Raj who seems to know everybody in Kathmandu including the Minister of Tourism who called him when we were chatting. Raj who runs Gurkha Tours out of the Guest House hooked me up with some welcome drinks at the bar and set up all my sightseeing and activities for the days I had in Nepal and did a great job and I would recommend him and his tour company to anyone visiting Nepal. He is also a really cool guy and took me around in Thamel my first night.

Thamel is a backpackers dream, actually any type of non five star tourists. The only thing and the obvious thing to compare it to is Khao San Road in Bangkok because all roads in Nepal lead to Thamel and that is where every tour operator, souvenir store, bar, book store, massage parlor, restaurant and everything you never knew existed is located. The place is slightly sensory overload with people constantly asking you if you need anything from tourist information and Lonely Planet books to nice ladies and hashish. However, they do it in a nice and not that annoying way to really distance itself from India and some other South Asian nations. Thamel is where you should stay in Kathmandu.

I have eaten at several awesome restaurants because they have so much here, unlike India where you can eat like four things. In Thamel you can have any type of continental food you and it’ll cost you a buck or two. My favorite has been Fire and Ice which is run by an Italian woman and they make the best pizzas in town and sell them very cheap. Another great pizza spot is Road House Café. They also have good Thai, steak and even Mexican although I am taking someone else’s word on that as I have a religious disagreement about eating Mexican in South Asia. My favorite bar is the famous Tom and Jerry Pub which is named after the cartoons but has played host to most major Everest expeditions after they return from the summit or not. The pictures around the place are awesome and the pool tables make for a lot of fun. Try the Everest beer with a picture of the most famous Nepali, Tenzing Norgay, who summited with Sir Edmund Hillary way back in 1953.

My first full day in Nepal was spent seeing the sights of the Kathmandu Valley which is a massive valley probably just smaller than the Valley that Phoenix, Arizona sits in and surrounded by hills and mountains. I was given a free car by Gurkha Encounters and was off with my buddy Andrew whom I had met at the airport on arrival and who was staying the same guest house as me.

Before I get to the sites, this British guy Andrew is one funny and interesting dude. First, he lived in Kathmandu for two years when his dad was stationed here with the British Army so he introduced me to a lot of the places I’ve been to here. But he is unique in that he is a magician, yes one of those who does tricks and magic. He stumped me a bunch of times and makes for quite interesting conversation. Then he speaks pretty good Nepali, Tibetan and sign language which is a first of combos that I’ve ever heard of.

So during our tour of the valley he wanted to pop into this restaurant called Nango’s Bakery Café or something like that to visit some friends he knew from when he lived here. I was like no problem of course as I was hungry for some delicious momo’s which are a local dish here and are amazing-they’re like dim sum. However, this restaurant is a restaurant for deaf and disabled people. So I walk in and everyone was speaking in sign language and it caught me off guard a little as I had never seen this before.

Additionally, other workers consisted of midgets, dwarfs and as far as I could see the only person that could speak really was the host. Andrew kept asking me if I was bored because I don’t sign but I was thoroughly enjoying this new experience and was amazed by the communication and how they could write English to me when they can’t speak or hear. How did they learn English, which would be their third language most likely living in Kathmandu? I was amazed and felt completely small and in awe of these amazing people. I wonder if there are deaf restaurants in the US, I have no idea???

Anyway, so we toured around Kathmandu and saw some truly amazing sights. To keep this from being a novel we started at Swayambhunath which is a Buddhist temple (also known as the monkey temple for all the little monkeys running around and trying to steal our food) with an amazing view of Kathmandu below and an instantly recognizable symbol of Nepal as you can see above.

Next, we hit Patan which is the second biggest town in the valley and has a very impressive Durbar square with some interesting architecture as you can see below and a nice museum that is claimed to be the best museum in South Asia. However, the extortionate prices stopped me from entering, in addition to the rain.

Third, we went to Pashupatinath which is one of the cooler places I have been and is a must on any visit to Kathmandu. It is Nepal’s most important Hindu temple on the banks of the holy Bagmati River which eventually flows into the Ganges in India which is interesting for a big reason. Along this river they openly burn bodies and then scatter the ashes, slightly reminiscent of Varanasi in India. No matter if you’ve seen it before nothing can prepare you for the smell of burning flesh and the sight of feet and limbs burning amidst the wood pile. It is really nauseating and something I have trouble watching. However, you can see here what I mean.

The rest of the site is really interesting and very beautiful. Most notable are the Shiva temples which attract the Sadhu people who are wandering Hindu holy men and you can see in the picture at the very top with me. These guys are nuts and live in these little temples and in the sides of the cliffs. It’s really strange to me as I don’t pretend to be an expert in Hindu extremism but it sure is interesting to see and they are incredibly nice people. This old man here has hair longer than he is. Also, he can apparently put his feet behind his head but I didn’t want to ask him to so I just asked to take his picture and gave him 50 rupees as he is looking a little thin!

Finally, we went to Bodhnath which is the home of the famous Bodhnath Stupa that can be seen below. It is really impressive and a very holy site. Notice the eyes following you around wherever you go in the square. The square surrounds the Stupa and is a very cool place to walk around and eat with a view of the Stupa from one of the many rooftop restaurants that serve cheap eats and do them very well. This is where I was introduced to momo’s. What I also love about this site is the peace flags which are distinctly Nepali.

Yesterday I spent my entire day getting up to the Last Resort Bungy jump site about three hours or not from Kathmandu to do the 160 meter or 525 foot jump into the beautiful gorge below. Raj had set it up and gotten me the jump for free so I am grateful and really enjoyed it. As far as I know I have done just about every major bungy jump in the world as this was my eleventh jump in my sixth different country and I believe all jumps over 100 meters.

To me bungy jumping is the scariest thing you can do and the best feeling once you have done it. It is equally fun and terrifying and there is nothing I can compare it to except for maybe base jumping for the adrenaline rush. I highly recommend the jump but my only advice would be to try to set up a private car to bring you up there because the wait can be forever with a big group and the drive on these horribly small busses can be a nightmare for anyone over six feet, like myself and the roads are equally as bad and bumpy.

The area around the last resort is absolutely stunning and a nice drive to even if you don’t go to the jump site. We were also only a few kilometers from the border with Tibet, which I couldn’t go to as I don’t have a permit and it’s a major pain to get one in a short time from Nepal. I also would have lost my Chinese visa validity if I had crossed from Nepal for a strange reason which I still don’t understand so I decided to wait to get there from China.

All in all Nepal is awesome. I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface on the country as the treks to Annapurna and Everest are in upwards of two to three weeks in length and I just don’t have that time right now so definitely next time! I fly to Bhutan tomorrow and am also really psyched for that.

Chennai (Madras)
Chennai (formerly known as Madras in British Colonial times) was a place that I had heard awful things about and was not at all looking forward to visiting, especially after my flight from the Maldives to Chennai was delayed for 5 hours. However, it actually was a pleasant surprise. India’s fourth largest city really wasn’t that bad as far as Indian cities go. It is much more laid back than Delhi, Bombay or Calcutta and is even on the beach although it’s not very nice. The main attraction is the ancient Hindu Dravidian Shiva Kapaleeshwarar Temple.

It is actually pretty cool to look at as you can see and is the main sight for prayer in the city. It is also the main tourist destination although you must take your shoes off and walk on the ridiculously hot asphalt and black marble in 100 degree searing heat which can get old pretty quick. So can the relentless touts and fake guides who try to tempt you with their knowledge and follow you around like a little dog. I said no like 100 times and they still follow and spout out info as if I am listening and then when I am ready to leave they demand a tip. They clearly do not know who they are dealing with as they follow me back to my waiting tuk tuk for the inevitable fast getaway, sans tip.

Andaman Islands (sort of)
So after a quiet night because of a very early flight to Port Blair in the Andaman Islands, I arrive at the airport to find out my flight has been cancelled and there was no flight later that I could get on. No explanation was given but the good news is they offered me breakfast and a shitty place to stay right near the airport in the middle of nowhere Chennai, thus I elected to decline and find my own accommodation. Needless to say I was pretty pissed as I only was to have 1.5 days on the islands as was and now it would only be a half day assuming the flight the next day left on time. That didn’t happen.

The flight was delayed for hours and I could do nothing about it. When it finally did take off I ended up barely having enough time to land to catch my next flight out to get to Calcutta to get to Bangladesh. Now I fully admit that I planned this tightly and slightly poorly but I was short on time and the flights are not exactly readily available as I definitely wanted to get to the Andaman’s this trip.

So basically I was in Port Blair for a very short time and don’t have much good to say or bad for that matter because I didn’t see much. I was not pleased to say the least but shit happens when you travel, especially in India and I won’t think about the hundreds of dollars I wasted on the flights or the annoyance of the Indian airlines and I mean all of them; Indian, Kingfisher and Jet because I’ve flown all of them this trip and they’ve all screwed me with delays. It’s a little frustrating-actually a lot frustrating.

Dhaka, Bangladesh
So I finally made it to Dhaka, Bangladesh and I was actually really excited because I have several friends from business school here who are shockingly doing a microfinance internship here for the summer, god help them. Let’s just say I had very low expectations about the city itself.

Dhaka is a hole. It is just what you’d expect. There is little charming to see or do. It is hot as all hell, sticky and nasty. The streets are filthy and infested with rickshaws, tuk tuks, people, poverty, pollution and animals. The decrepit, crumbling buildings all look alike and there is garbage everywhere. It sounds pleasant right?!

However, walking around all day we managed to come across a few fun things to do. We took a little punter boat in the river that was very pleasant and certainly a sanctuary compared to the streets of Dhaka which are sensory overload. Old Dhaka actually reminds me of Pahar Ganj in Delhi in much the same way filth overruns the streets and you can’t get an ounce of sanity, click here if you want to read about my Delhi experience 4 years ago.

The other really fun thing I got to do was play cricket with a bunch of kids on the streets of Old Dhaka as you can see in the picture. It was really fun and we had a huge audience as I cracked a few to the approval of the local kids who love and worship cricket-although they kept telling me I swing likes it’s baseball which is probably true but oh well.

Sikkim and the final airport fiasco
Sikkim is a place that I have always wanted to visit as it is an alpine kind of retreat away from the craziness of the rest of India. It is at the base of the Himalayas and is supposed to be gorgeous, especially when the weather is perfect. Unfortunately for me, that was not the case.

First, I would like to state that just when I thought the Indian airlines couldn’t screw me any more, I have been proven wrong. So yesterday I am going to the airport from my hotel in Kolkata for my quick flight to Bagdogra on Jet Airways, which had been the best of the worst of the airlines. However, my imbecile taxi driver (and by the way taxis in Kolkata are like yellow vessels of death that resemble soviet era tanks) decided to rear end a Mercedes from a well to do Indian who was not too pleased. Of course I am running a little bit late for my flight but I still had an hour and a half. Normally, I would’ve just split and found another cab but the problem was it was pouring and we were kind of in the middle of nowhere about 10km from the airport so a rickshaw wouldn’t work because I would get soaked. Also, the driver assured me this wouldn’t take long. I should’ve known.

It was eventually resolved about an hour later and we arrived at the airport with 20 minutes to go before my flight. There is a sign right on the check-in desk that says they close 30 minutes prior to departure. However, I just have carry-on baggage so it shouldn’t have been a big deal. However, the megabitch behind the counter told me I had no chance even though the domestic airport is small and I could easily make the flight and it’s no skin off their back. Needless to say she said she didn’t feel like doing the paperwork that she would have to do. I was beside myself as you can imagine and that did me little good as I insisted on seeing the manager who surely would help me.

Nope, no chance as the woman took forever to get to me and by the time she arrived the flight only had 4 minutes until takeoff. I pleaded with her to call the pilot and ask them to wait but no shot she said. I was about to toss this lady as she kept telling me my logic was off. I still don’t understand what the hell she was talking about but I decided Indian jail wouldn’t be a good move so I asked her to get me on the Kingfisher flight that left two hours later and was the last flight out. She said no way, I was a no show. I am like, I’m right you moron and have been here for 20 minutes you twit. Then she proceeded to point out the 30 minute sign as if I couldn’t read. I then proceeded to tell her that sometimes you can actually do people favors and help them but she told me once again that my logic was off. I was about to lose it as she told me they would not endorse my ticket over to Kingfisher and I would have to buy another ticket on that airline. Left with no options but to not go to Sikkim as I was coming back the next day, I had to do it as I wouldn’t get my money back anyway.

So finally I get out in a heavy rainstorm and land in the same rainstorm with low lying clouds. This was a perfect ending to my fiasco of a day because I wasn’t even able to see the best part of Sikkim -the views, because of storm clouds which is just what my last 6 or 7 days have been. So I woke up hoping perhaps the clouds would have risen and they hadn’t so I said fuck it and just went back to Bagdogra to catch my flight back to Kolkata to enjoy my last day in India because of course I couldn’t get a flight out to Nepal until Monday.

Kolkata (Calcutta)
It goes without saying that Kolkata is a megalopolis and a complete mass of humanity. It is as crappy a place as you’d imagine. Mother Theresa was correct when she was appalled by the poverty and unfortunately she didn’t really succeed in changing it. People are still living in some of the worst possible poverty you have ever seen. People walk around looking like skinny zombies, going to the bathroom on the street and sleeping right next to it. They bathe in disgusting river water that will probably kill them faster than not bathing at all. I have actually spent a few nights in Kolkata over this ordeal but I was finally able to get out of the hotel and see the city. I had very low expectations.

The only real site is the Victoria Memorial which is actually a very nice building as you can see. It is kind of the US Capital meets the Taj Mahal and was built in memoriam of the late Queen Victoria finished in 1921. It houses a museum inside which is marginally good but very overcrowded as the locals are able to enter for 10 INR wherein we have to pay 150. Basically that just makes the museum very crowded and it is hot as hell as well as the rains make it so humid. The memorial is surrounded by a very pleasant park and some nice ponds that are actually well maintained and make it a nice escape from the madness of the city.

After I headed out to Park Street which is their main drag and walked past the big central parks where all the kids are playing cricket, it looked like any big metropolitan park and was nice to see. Park Street was not that nice and I was relentlessly hounded by touts and beggars and after nearly 3 weeks on the subcontinent I am growing very tired of it and am very much looking forward to tomorrow and getting out to Nepal for some clean air and outdoor treks. I have also heard very good things about Thamel in Kathmandu so I am looking forward to seeing that and meeting other travelers and swapping stories.

I spent my first night in the Maldives on the capital island of Male after I arrived at night from Colombo, Sri Lanka. I stayed at a place called the Marble Hotel which was pretty much crap but had a nice rooftop restaurant with a free breakfast. Considering the place was a hole and it cost $100 to stay there for a night, they better throw in breakfast as well. This was my first sign of how expensive this country is as opposed to its neighbors, India and Sri Lanka.

Male is a pleasant enough city. It is a typical kind of island capital but with a more friendly and pleasant feeling than places in the Caribbean. It is also relatively clean although it lacks sidewalks for some reason. Many people from the resorts will come to Male to go shopping. However, they only sell crap so I don’t know why anyone would do that! However, I did manage to get my haircut for $2 which was a major coup.

The bottom line is that nobody comes to the Maldives to see Male; they come for the amazing 5 star resorts that basically dominate the majority of the islands. They consist of some of the finest resorts on the planet. Literally, most every International hotel corporation has a flagship resort here. Thanks to my Starwood platinum status, I managed to hook myself up with two free nights at the Sheraton Full Moon Resort and Spa and arranged my boat transfer from Male.

They arrived in a small yacht to collect me and bring me 20 minutes to the Sheraton island which is clearly visible from Male. The people who work there met me waving from 100 meters away and had a cold drink for me upon arrival. I was thinking this is paradise for sure. And it got better. They upgraded my room to a deluxe cottage right on the beach. It is actually one of the nicest places I have ever seen. The bathroom is outside and the shower is out in the open outside (there are walls) and the room is to die for with a ridiculously comfortable king size bed. I normally don’t brag or even talk about hotels or their luxury amenities but that’s basically what the Maldives is so I feel obligated to talk about it.

The water at the resort is amazing. The water is crystal clear and is everything that you’d expect from the Maldives. For me, it was a little awkward because I am the only person here not on his honeymoon. Literally, this is a honeymoon hotspot for Europeans and Japanese which are the sole guests here. Everyone I’ve met has been very nice with one notable exception.

The couple in the next cottage were on their honeymoon and were next to me on the beach yesterday. The British guy seemed really cool and the girl seemed like a major pain in the ass. I say this because she kept yelling at him for apparently no reason and bitching about everything imaginable. Anyway, this went on for a while so I went in the water. The guy soon followed and gave me the rolled eyes meaning he had it with his new bride. So I laughed and we started chatting. He quickly said that he totally caved to the pressure and married her even though he couldn’t stand her. I laughed and said that was a brilliant move. He nodded with disgust at himself. I then invited him to come watch the final round of the US Open golf and the opening round of Wimbledon. He accepted much to the chagrin of his new bride who went away pouting. I can only imagine the nightmare he encountered when he went back to the room-I give them a month tops. They checked out today so I never did find out.

That was definitely the most interesting thing to happen to me here thus far as this place is the most relaxing place I have ever been I swear. I have done nothing but sit in the sun, go swimming and chill out. It is perfect and nice to be grounded for a few days on the road. Again, the only annoying thing is the prices.

I have a $100 food credit with the hotel (thanks again Starwood) and I figured that would be plenty. When you go to a hotel you expect to pay a little extra for food and drinks but here it is the highest I have ever seen. For instance, a hamburger is $25 plus 10% service charge that is mandatory so that’s $27.50 for a burger. It’s not even that good. The margarita pizza is also crap and that runs cheap at $19 but if you want pepperoni (that’s actually bacon) or something else-that jacks it up to $24. Drinks are actually reasonable but not from the minibar.

I don’t ever actually use the minibar but on top of it they display little bottles of liquor and they sell a small thing of Smirnoff vodka for $100. I am glad I am not an alcoholic here because I’d go broke with these prices. Room service-forget about it, so overpriced I won’t even mention it. Needless to say I will definitely be staying under my $100 limit as I was smart and brought some snacks…as I always say, “This isn’t my first rodeo”.

Anyway, I fly out tomorrow to the chaos of Chennai, India before hitting the Andaman Islands and will be very sad to leave this paradise of a country. It really is again in every sense of the word. It is very far away from the States and I realize most have never even heard of it but if you are looking for an exotic paradise and are tired of the Caribbean and all the American tourists, give this place a try because you’ll love it.

My Kingfisher Airlines flight in from Kochi on Thursday afternoon was actually the scariest flight I have ever been on. The monsoon was really bad as we approached Lakshadweep for landing and the clouds were only about 10 meters above sea level. The pilot decided to circle around for a while to let the rain finish and the clouds shift. There are no lights at the Agatti airport so visibility was virtually nothing. He made an announcement that there was poor visibility and that he would circle around one more time and if he couldn’t land then we would have to fly back to Kerala because we would run out of gas.

This did not please anyone and on the next approach I was finally able to see a little glimpse of one of the neighboring islands which made me think we were going for it. As we finally emerged from the clouds, we were literally flying at about 5 meters off the ground for a mile or so which led to major wind and turbulence. Plus, as a passenger, I didn’t know about the water being so close to the runway so I couldn’t see anything out the window and was a little nervous that we were landing on the water-I’m not gonna lie.

Eventually after some major turns along the approach we landed very hard on the ultra-short runway and emerged into the monsoon and got soaked. I was the last one off the plane and the captain walked up behind me and asked if I was scared. I replied, “Were you?” and he said “a little”. He said in 20 years of flying he had never had an approach that low and with that low a cloud cover. Anyway, we made it and just in time for our free coconuts at the Agatti Island Beach Resort.

As a foreigner visiting the Lakshadweep Islands, you are only allowed to stay in two places. One is on Bangaram Island, which is a small island, 2.5 hours away by small slow boat and the other is where I stayed at the Agatti Island Beach Resort. The place was fantastic. It was really a paradise. It is kind of like a backpacker resort for adults on one of the most stunning beaches around. The best part is of course, there was nobody on it.

The resort, although it’s hardly a fancy resort is a bunch of little basic bungalows situated just in front of the airport in a coconut palm forest. My little bungalow was right on the beach and was fine. The only thing is they charge you 70 Euros for a non air-conditioned room as they kind of have a monopoly on the accommodations for the island. However, that includes, food, drink (although there is no alcohol on the island) and use of their stuff. The only stuff I used was a beach chair and some of their 10 hammocks hanging around between the swaying palms. As the rain let up Friday and the sun beat down upon the island it was a true paradise and was really the stuff that those tropical island MS screensavers are made of.

I did manage to get away and check out the rest of the island with a little tuk tuk tour of Agatti Island. The whole island is only about 9km long and no wider than 2 at any time and it is shaped like a baseball bat, skinny at the handle where the airport and my resort is and then fatter as you move north where the people live and work.

The main road is more of a sidewalk that goes down the center of the island and divides the island. The center of town is little more than a collection of ramshackle single story buildings, which includes a police station (where you get your passport stamped and your permit validated-the police car is a tuk tuk by the way), a museum on the history of the island (not very interesting but free) and the coir factory (where local women make rope out of coconut shells-actually very cool to see). There are also several small mosques where the locals go to pray and several small houses. Along the side of the road they have raw materials that are used for the upkeep of the island such as rocks, sand, sandbags, gravel and bricks. Also, of note, is that the island is run on solar power and there was a fairly large solar power field on the side of the road which I thought was cool and makes a lot of sense if you think about it.

Meals at the resort are the big times of the day. There is tea time at 7am, followed by breakfast from 8-9:30am which includes toast with spreads and some weird Indian curry dips for your toast. Lunch is from 12:30 until 2pm and includes a buffet of curries, rice, na’an, and some filthy looking mutton doused in curry. Dinner is at 8pm and is basically the same thing just served differently but mainly curry, rice and unknown things which I’d like to remain unknown so I don’t get sick.

The thing that got me about mealtimes is the way the servers are so in your face. They just stand there and stare at you waiting to do things like fold your napkin if you simply put it down on the table or fill up your water glass if you have a sip. It was a little strange to me and it kind of made sense after watching the older wealthy Indian tourists who were there as well. It was only me and older Indians except for one of the couples brought their son who was about my age. Anyway, they would simply abuse these servers and make them do everything for them. For instance, for the buffet they would walk up to it and point to what they wanted the servants to get for them because they just couldn’t do it themselves. I found it strange.

Another example is the son I mentioned took the tuk tuk tour of the island with me and would constantly demand the driver to do things and explain things but seemed very rude about it to me but it never pissed the driver off and he always did what he was told, even by the kid. When I talk to a person who would be considered a common worker or whatever, I still always talk politely and with respect and to be honest I never even think about class differences so this struck me strangely.

I asked him about it later and he talked about the class differences and that’s just the way it is in India-even still to this day. My first time in India four years ago I never really noticed the class differences because I generally stayed in backpacker tourist ghettos in $1 a night dumps, where there was only one class and that was low! This time between the Le Meridien in Kochi where the service was spectacular and attentive and here, I can really see what they mean by the class and caste system.

As I find myself rambling, I am going to cut this short as the sun is about to rise (my favorite time of the day) and I want to jump in the Arabian Sea and get some tea before my flight back to Kochi later after lunch. Hopefully the weather allows the plane no problems. I will be spending tonight in Thiruvananthapuram (try saying that three times fast, or even once for that matter) where I get a flight tomorrow morning to the Maldives for three days with a ten hour stop in Sri Lanka, where I’ve already spent a lot of time so I am not sure how I will kill the time there, but I will think of something!

By the way, I have been unable to charge anything on the island as I do not have the converter for this type of plug which is strangely different than the rest of India. There is also no Internet connection on the island.

Next day, 15 hour travel day to Kochi where I arrived at 3am local time to a packed, sweltering airport, a long immigration line and a swine flu test which was wonderful. I swear the customs and health people looked genuinely disappointed that I didn’t have it as I was the only white person or Westerner at the airport.

Finally, I arrived through the monsoon rains to my hotel in Kochi which is a seemingly nice little backwater city that resembles Sri Lanka more than anything else I can compare it with. It is the second city of Kerala which is one of the nicest Indian states. It is made up of several lush islands and is the gateway place to fly to the Lakshadweep Islands which is what I will be doing tomorrow morning. The hotel travel agency was actually a big help with planning my onward journeys to the Maldives and the Andaman Islands via Sri Lanka, Bangalore and Chennai respectively and I got a really reasonable price for the flights and even a driver. Should be a fun next week or two and I will keep you posted.

Thanks for the emails and advice by the way as i am in new territory and any help or hints is appreciated.

Mt trip to Madeira started a little rough because of the notoriously poorly placed airport right on a sheer, tall cliff that famously had an accident in 1977 where the plane ran off the short runway into the cliff and sea below. Luckily, they lengthened the runway and a 747 could land on it now but it is still on that cliff and the crosswinds are brutal and made for a very intense and treacherous landing that got the people on the plane freaked out and there was a standing ovation when the pilot landed it safely. Looking back now it’s kind of funny but a little touch and go there for a while. Luckily it got better!

I am staying in the lovely capital of Funchal which is again, how all island capitals should be. It is quaint, charming and has a lot to offer without all the annoying souvenir hockers and crappy shops and chain restaurants. Funchal is a beautiful harbor town running up a mountain where the Portuguese style roofs dot the mountainside and make the scenery really nice as you can see.

The old town or the main center is where I am staying in an apartment hotel called Da Se which has the quality or even better of a Marriott but only costs 35 Euros which is amazing in my book and included free wifi and a roof deck and bar right behind the main sight in town, the cathedral and a block from the promenade along the waterfront-a perfect location.

I spent most of yesterday walking around the town and the harbor, sampling the local fare along the way of course and made my way up to the long cable car ride up to the small village town of Monte. Monte overlooks Funchal and has a cute little village that is perfect for pictures and the amazing view of Funchal and the sea below. I was lucky to have the cable car to myself so I could just relax and take in the view. I also took a few pictures as well.

After dark, as on most islands there isn’t much to do but the charming little restaurants are open until about 10pm and it’s not a far walk to the new area of town where the chain type hotels are located and where the main center of nightlife is (although it’s not that good but it’s called Lido). It is also home to the Casino Madeira which I was at until about 3am last night and caused me to miss my boat to Porto Santo this morning which is an adjoining island in the archipelago famous for its white beach. Madeira conversely has black volcanic beaches which are really cool to see but not the best to actually be on as they are pretty rocky. So instead today, I happily slept in and walked around town some more and took care of some reservations I’ve been meaning to do for months now for India, etc.

When I arrived on Madeira I was expecting something similar to Tenerife or Gran Canaria in the Canary Islands but I was very pleased that it has its own kind of style and is very Portuguese. I highly recommend Madeira as a great and cheap trip from Lisbon and it’s actually a place where I could spend a week or so exploring the other areas of the island but I have an early flight tomorrow to the Azores. I am very happy here and look forward to coming back one day soon.