According to numerous reputable sources, hoodies are appropriate of business casual day at the offices.  Hoodies are now made from pinstripe suit material for the more formal business casual days. 

This virus has been wafting around Portland and other vegan infested areas for some time. It is transmitted through organic foods. Everyone can contract it, however, only vegans are harmed because their bodies are weakened by a lack of consumption of animal products.  Honey offers limited protection, eggs and dairy offers better protections, but only the regular consumption of meat offers full immunity. It rumored that one 60 once serving of bloody rare grass feed buffalo rib eye steak provides life time immunity to the virus. This virus was genetically created by Monsanto Inc. Monsanto was hired in secret by the meat and dairy industry to engineer a virus that could wipe the planet of the vegan scourge.  Some vegan colonies, once infected, had to resort the cannibalism so that a few could survive. Ironically, the cannibal vegans grew stronger and healthier because their fallen comrades’ flesh was full of vitamins from eating vegetables.

 The rare spotted Chinese hippo was created in a Chinese bio reactor. It was designed for the purpose of a living bio containment facility for deadly bacteria. The spots on the hippo’s back are containmeant cells for the bacteria. If a scientist needed the bacteria he just needed to take a skin sample of the spot on the hippo where that bacterium is. It is immune to almost all diseases and its feces are green because it’s digestive tract has all the bacterias in it. Recently, they have been used to plant diseases in areas where China wants less people

This creature is commonly found in cesspools and dumps. This creature feeds of the garbage in these areas. The three eyed worm spider was designed by Polish geneticists, with the main goal of creating a five eyed worm cricket. They failed, and this creature was the result.

Since it’s creation, young Pols have played a game called cesspool spider toss. One will locate and grab the worm spider from a cesspool, and toss it to another, much like the game “hot potato.”  The winner is the player with the least amount of gunk on him, and of course the ones that remain uneaten.

Special power: Smells like elderberries.

Prey:  zero eyed worms, medium sized mammals.

Leechhunter central discovered an amazing site dedicated to our red pigmented friends, commonly called Gingers, and less commonly called daywalkers. The awesome site is called gingerhunter.com. Let’s here it for the Gingers!

The only hair group that has it’s own beer.

The Jamaican Three Horned Bull Walrus is uncommonly found in Jamaican rain forests next to springs. It is not a “natural” animal, and was created Jamaican geneticists that couldn’t make the local bobsledding team. The original goal was to create a perfect bobsledding animal, but the choice of three horns was not well thought through, and the beast would repeatedly become stuck in the sled tracks, causing many an unfortunate pile up. This is the source of the Jamaican phrase, “Ja Crap!”

The creature eats exotic plant life and only animals that are loved by PETA.  PETA held a protest against genetic science and this animal in Jamaica, but unfortunately the Bull Walrus ate all of the protesters.

Generally peaceful, its special power is bobsledding mastery, however it requires a special non-regulation track with side groves to accommodate its horns.

They can be located by the pungent smell of wet fur, and their gentle cooing sounds. They have been only known to eat humans that are involved in PETA, or walrus trainers that treat their pets poorly and wear green shirts, like this guy.

The jumping deer frog inhabits swampy areas with lots of small animals  to snack on during the day. However, at night, it goes after bigger prey such as moose, bear, and people with a high body mass index.

It has a primary tongue for eating small prey, and a 15 foot secondary tongue with a paralytic venom tip used to stun larger prey.  Defying the laws of physics, the Deer Frog’s mouth is larger than it’s body and devours it’s prey in one gulp. Think frog on the outside, Tardis on the inside.

Height:  36 inches.

Length and witdth:  5×7 feet

weight: 200-400 pounds.

Mouth size: defies laws of physics.

Special power: Tardis mouth.

Smell: pleasant.

Taste: like chicken and moose flesh.

The Deadly Mexican Organ Destroyer is a nasty virus found primarily in Mexico. The virus is passed by flatulence in small enclosed spaces, such as elevators, dorm rooms, and IKEA kitchen displays. On farting, a carrier will fill the enclosed space with tiny virus particles. For some unknown reason, the farts are loud but scentless. Infection requires a concentration of virus particles found only in small spaces. Once infected, carriers begin to amass body weight.  As the disease progresses,  vital organs are converted to mush, which is then expelled with great force.

Origin:  Mexican Government bio weapon research accident.  Workers eating street tacos and experimenting with Ebola created it.

Researches at Leech Hunter headquarters discovered tales of an animal called the “Korean Monkey Snake.” It is indigenous to Mongolia, however, in the 1940’s it was accidentally introduced to Korea by Mongolian migrant workers that brought the snake in reindeer leather sacks as a food source. On arriving in Korea, the environment, long working hours of their keepers, and their lack of natural competitors caused them to express different genes, and turned them from benevolent, easy to transport meat-sacks full of yummy goodness and Mongolian delicacies into an aggressive  mean spirited, foul smelling, monkey snake. Basically the Korean Monkey Snake was pleasantly surprised with it’s new abilities, while the Mongolian migrants found it disconcerting have their heads suddenly sucked on by an aggressive, stinky, monkey snake.  This unexpected transformation is the etymological beginning of the Mongolian phrase, “You can’t trust a tasty meat sack abroad.”

The Korean Monkey Snake developed a snake like tail, and monkey arms and a monkey head with a snake jaw that is very large for head sucking. It extracts salt from from the scalp of its sucking victims, and lays eggs in the eyeballs of it’s victims. In addition to spontaneous diarrhea because of the electrolyte imbalance caused by the salt loss, sucking victims are blind for one week while the embryos develop behind the eye sockets, and feed on the optic nerve. Massive prune face is also a common side effect in 72% of sucking victims. The Korean government put a bounty on Korean Monkey Snakes, however, PETA put a swift stop with this, though 47% of PETA members on mission developed prune face as a result. The PETA sponsored phrase “Kill a meat sac, not a Monkey Snake” has no etymology as no one ever used it outside of PETA.

Special abilities:

1. Prune face in sucking victims.
2. Long tongue if sucking apparatus envelops mouth of victim.
3. cause of massive diarreah.
4. causes reverse diarreah after massive diareaah if sucking continues too long.

Food:

1. Faces.
2. PETA members and fanatics in general.
3. Salt.
4. Bananas.
5. The residue on the inside of Mongolian manufactured leather sacks.

Lengh: 3 feet long.

Weight: 87 pounds.

Images: 

Korean Monkey Snake sucking victim – notice the prune face, lack of sodium, and flamboyant scarf for diarrhea clean up. Victims frequently wear hats to cover whole scalp hickies.

The Hawaii chum cluster is found mostly in the islands of Hawaii. it is mostly used as shark bait, but stupid tourists can buy it at street corners. one interesting fact that we found is that a Hawaiian cult used it for ritual sacrifice. Chum clusters are the product of more than 3 Hawaiian tourists yacking over a boat at the same time and genetic engineering.

Special Power: Sharks are sexually attracted to swimmers that touch the chum clusters, Slight monster-ism, deformation of skin, insanity, compulsion to love on large stuffed animals.

Prey: Unbelievers,  smaller chum clusters, Tunisian ass worms that become lost at sea.

This little critter lives in Oregon basements and only comes out at night and in the morning to spawn with other carpet snakes. Leechhunter.com obtained this exclusive photo from a young couple who shamelessly and foolishly used thier fingers as lures, which the carpet snake then mounted. Fun to play with, but avoid bite at all cost. Lost out to the Tunisian Ass worm for the national animal of Tunisia.

Special Powers.

1. Hysterical laugher
2. involuntary spooning
3. finger snuggling

Effect of Bite:

1. Kidney failure
2. Increased risk of conjoined twin myslexia
3. Seeing in quadroople
4. Turning Tunisian

The purple spotted mushroom is a very rare species the live in very dense forests. Their leafs grow in the ground and when an unexpected logger steps on it leafs come out of the ground and chops there foot off with its leafs. A very interesting thing about this species is that there leafs are very flexible but are almost as hard as steal. But ounce it uses it leafs the leafs die and it grows new once in the ground. one way to avoid the purple spotted mushroom is it gives off a sweet smell with in a five feet radius it.