Left Her Wits

Cafe No Way!

2012-01-12T15:56:00.003-05:00

I wanted to document this, for there will be a time in the future, maybe even three days from now, where my friends and I look back on this past week and think about Coffee Enema's. And I will be blamed for the topic, so I thought I would use this opportunity to jog my future lapsed memory.

One brisk day, 24 hours ago, it started with a crying baby. His poor belly distended as he lost the day's battle against constipation. After massage, oil, prunes, liquid laxatives and suppositories failed, I soldiered forward and went to the Google. Next option, after conferring with a phsysician: Time for an Enema. (Side note: crisis at least temporarily averted, so no personal knowledge of enema's effectiveness.)

On my quest to act knowledgeably, I did what most individuals so often forget to do: I researched the enema. Keep your friends close, and your....

I found a horrifically written article by a woman who fasts to make her brain smarter. I was sold. This writer uses garlic enemas as her first step. And then she moves into her favorite thing: The coffee enema. Did you know that after using a coffee enema, within minutes this woman's skin changes and instantly glows? She says it is her secret to staying young. And now, this damned coffee enema is at least in the peripherals of my every waking thought.

Livestrong has an informative article on Garlic Enema's. That scares me. I had to send it to a few friends to scare them equally.

Melissa: I was thinking of getting garlic knots, does that count?
Me: Yes, of course. (But I think the enema might go in smoother.)

Carrie: (explatives)

Any thoughts on the coffee variety?

2011 In Review

2012-01-12T11:12:00.003-05:00

I can now officially announce that time is no longer a measurement by which I live my life. A blink of an eye? That is measureable. A mile from here to there? I totally get it. A YEAR having come and gone the way that 2011 did? I will no longer drink from that batch of fruit punch. See what I did there? I avoided a patent lawsuit.

I went to Mexico. My little brother graduated college. I learned how to tighten my dining room chairs all by myself. Mojo and Marley seem to have shorter spurts of energy. I popped my camping... errr, I went camping for the first time. And I left a bad work situation. Bad! Hahaha, one day I will unlock all of the horros that live in my head from said Staffing Agency and release it into the undeserving world around me. I made it to the one year mark which was an ultimate and seeingly impossible self-imposed goal that i created for myself two weeks into the job. This year, I've adapted and made changes and looking back on it all- I think 2012 is a deserved year off. That's right. After a hounding year, this coming one should be smooth sailing. I will let you know how that turns out.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-12T10:38:00.001-05:00

Me: "You should bring a book with you for the flight down to Disneyworld."

Tristan: "Nah. I am not really in the whole 'I like to read' stage in my life just yet. I prefer video games and other games and stuff."

Quote of the Day

2011-08-18T04:29:00.000-04:00

Me: "Ahhhh, it is all I can think about."

Melissa: "You are nuts! Think about... well, I don't know what else you could think about."

Snapshot

2011-08-17T12:32:00.000-04:00

I don't know how much they get paid. But up it, Manhattan!

Quote of the Day

2011-08-17T10:26:00.001-04:00

Michelle: "It's time for a BBQ! Starting at 12 and going until 3 or 4."

Aly: "12 to 3? Really rolling out the hospitality, hmmm?"

Snapshot

2011-08-16T12:45:00.000-04:00

I had my brother and mother over for some home cooked take out. I felt badly asking them to take the trash out with them. A mistake that I won't soon repeat. Visitors: beware. It's either help me with the trash or help me with the murdered Marley.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-16T04:54:00.000-04:00

Me: "I am a robot."

Melissa: "I knew it."

Me: "I have a robot vagina."

Melissa: "lol more than I needed to know..."

Me: "It's from 'Grandma's Boy.' I really wish I could use that phrase a lot more often."

Melissa: "Makes perfect sense."

Snapshot

2011-08-15T13:12:00.000-04:00

A post-workday, soggy Madison Avenue.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-15T11:47:00.000-04:00

Carrie: "My horoscope of the day: Placing your mouth around the exhaust of a car stuck in traffic is bound to cause more traffic problems. Please take into consideration the needs of others. 'Going Dutch' does not mean having it away with 4 people at once whilst smoking a jewel encrusted pipe."

Gump Snapshot

2011-08-12T09:06:00.000-04:00

Nothing food-wise was too reminscent of down South, but the grease level? Almost got there.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-12T04:51:00.000-04:00

Me: "Is this rain kidding?"

Carrie: "Oh that rain... loves to kid around on us!!"

Gump Snapshot

2011-08-11T09:04:00.000-04:00

The good thing about faux chocolates? None of them are filled with cherry goo.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-11T05:31:00.000-04:00

Roxana: "Whoa. Your hair looks like wild jungle woman hair. Like Jane from Tarzan."

Me: "Good morning!"

Gump Snapshot

2011-08-10T09:03:00.000-04:00

A part of me, just about 87%, kind of wanted to slide my ffet into the back of these molds. Because dumb luck is better than no luck at all.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-10T04:40:00.000-04:00

Jordan: "It's a whole production..."

Me: "Je s'ais."

Jordan: "Never easy. Oui - es me mahlok je'temme le' adoindos le' adoindos indeed."

Gump Snapshot

2011-08-09T09:02:00.000-04:00

Shit happens.
Especially on a public floor in Times Square.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-09T03:06:00.000-04:00

Carrie: "I'm in horrible shape."

Me: "But you can always push through, you used to play softball."

Gump Snapshot

2011-08-08T09:01:00.000-04:00

I went with the wonderful, amazing, sweet, easily amused Sunita M. for some overpriced food and drinks in the heart of Times Square. We chose Bubba Gump Shrimp Co mostly due to the fact that we were not seeing eye to eye on a single thing. And I, as usual, had the Port Authority as my end goal. The food was fine. The drinks were kitchy. The drink glasses got to come home with us. But the really exciting thing was that upon entering this two story homage to Forrest Gump and all aspects of the movie, I really felt transported from miserable Manhattan to a (slightly) more peaceful Alabama.

In the world of all you can eat Brazilian BBQ, the red sign is literal. It means stop bringing trays of exotic meats by. And green, also self-explanatory: keep it coming! So, in my worldly knowledge of non-verbal communications with restaurant signage, I knowingly informed Sunita that if she needed the waiter, to put the blue/green up, and if she needed nothing, to keep the red up. The red went up. And every waiter in the place stopped at our booth asking what they could help us with. Apparently, "Run" means keep going and "Stop" means, stop. I forgot we were in Forrest Gump Land.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-08T05:01:00.000-04:00

Me: "I wear my sunglasses at night."

Carrie: "I'm forming a headache."

Snapshots

2011-08-05T17:32:00.002-04:00

What a difference three years makes!

An eleven year old reaction to "Time for errands!":

As opposed to a fourteen year old's reaction:

What's amazing about hormonal teenage girls is that if you break through their raging emotions, they are still the eleven year old jumping up and down in their seat looking for a little adventure.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-05T09:42:00.001-04:00

Grandma 'Nee: "Aly, I just saw the greatest bumper sticker! Bosses are like diapers. They are always on your a@$ and full of sh*t."

Currency Coasters

2011-08-04T15:37:00.003-04:00

I was sent this LINK that highlights coasters made up of out-of-circulation currency. It would be kinda money to throw one of these down on the table. Class it up a bit.

Actually, my first thought was dissecting them with water, patience, tweezers and an eleven year old. And then promise them a 50-50 split if they can put it all back together again. Exercises in futility are kind of my specialty.

And side note: Happy National IPA Day. To the men and women who clearly have desensitized or completely numb taste buds. :)

Snapshot

2011-08-04T13:19:00.000-04:00

Let's just pretend my Droid has heat detection software.

Quote of the Day

2011-08-04T12:39:00.000-04:00

Roxana: "I love double standards."

Aly: "I prefer double entendres."