A Little to the Left of Lanine

So it's not Sunday

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 04:24:00 +0000

Sunday Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 07:01:00 +0000

I will try again tomorrow. Today. this morning. This afternoon. This night.

Dream a Little Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 05:33:00 +0000

I walked into the doctor's office on Thursday morning resolute. I was going to be calm. I was going to be firm. I'd lay out my position. I'd flatly state my case. This time I would prevail.

"Doctor," I envisioned myself saying. " I've decided it's time for the Lap-band surgery."

No, Gastric Bypass for me. Sure it's faster. A little more permanent. But I like the idea of the lap-band. I like the idea that someday I can remove it. That it's adjustable. That I have to change my diet and my lifestyle but that I'd have just one more weapon in my arsenal. Mama's little helper. Without all those nasty side effects. Lap-band surgery. It's time.

Shoulders back, head up, pushed through the big heavy doors, checked in and sat in the waiting room. I was going to do it. The kids will be grown soon. There is still so much I want to do with my life. Like, ya know walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath and wander around San Francisco and go to Europe and get married again. I want to get a great job. A dream job. A job in which I wake everyday grateful because I get to go to work. I want to run. Like I do in my dreams. Fast and free sprinting across the landscape.

"I want lap-band surgery." I practiced in my head. "I want lap-band surgery. I've researched and read. I have insurance. I want it."

Lifted my head and waved in acknowledgement of my name being called. "I want lap-band." Stepping off the scale. "I want lap.." Into the room. Really all my clothes off? It's just a physical. Wrapping myself in the handkerchief square of paper. "I want..." Waiting for 25 minutes. "I..."

Really perfectly healthy huh? Great blood pressure, pulse, blood sugar. No, no thyroid problems. Well, that's, ummm great." ..." Of course I can exercise every day and watch what I eat. 30lbs in a year is a perfectly reasonable weight loss. No sugar for the rest of my life. OK. or bread. or red meat. or alcohol. Ever."

There's aways next month. I can start practicing now. "I SAID, I WANT..."

But at Least my Heart won't Explode

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:57:00 +0000

I have to go in and get a physical this week. Basically our conversation will go something like..."Doctor, I'd like to start exercising again. Can you please guarantee my poor overworked heart would explode in pure terror since apparently I have exactly no idea of what moderation is..."

To which she'll respond "blah, blah, everything looks fine except for the fact you're morbidly obese and say why don't you do something about that."

To which I'll respond, "Gee since you mention it...is there anything at all you can do Ms. Medical Community about say helping me on my path to good health? Because I swear to the High Lord of all things holy and great shoes, if I work out every single day for an hour a day and eat nothing but veggies and fruit with a little lean white meat mixed in and I only lose ten pounds in that entire six months...I'm gonna cut a...well you get the picture."

To which she'll fire back, "No."

and a little...

"But hey, I can give you these pills which will cause you to spill hot Chile oil in the event you choose to get the full-fat latte rather than the non-fat (even though we all know fat has very little to do with weight gain) because nothing makes us doctors giggle more than a little anal leakage."

To which I'll sit with paper square clutched to my chest and answer, "Thank you Doctor..." and think..."For nothing."

Carpe the Freakin' Diem.

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 04:13:00 +0000

So I've been on Medi-fast for a little over ten days and off for the last two. Not on purpose. Friday we'll chalk up to some severely bad planning and low will-power. Saturday- I blame on my doctor. Sure I can fast for twelve hours doctor. But once I'm done, watch out people.

I've learned I like the way I feel on Medi-fast. Not so much the I can't think my way out of a paper bag feeling but I do like the increased energy. I like the starting to feel my weight slip away feeling. I like the never being hungry and the level blood sugar. I'm honestly thinking of continuing even after my two weeks are up. Yes- it's pricey. Holy jeebus, is it pricey. But I have to admit. I like not having to plan or think about it (outside of remembering my packets- must remember the packets) and knowing without a doubt I'll be just a little less large than yesterday.

The food (using that term loosely) isn't that bad. Except for the soup- sent that back today. Gag. Oh it was bad. But they took it back easily and sent me some bars instead.

I did pick this up today. Need a little fiber. Just in case. I'll start it tomorrow and tell you what I think.

Time to go back to the gym tomorrow. After all the horoscope said it all this morning.

Carpe the Freakin' Diem.

Yes, Virginia I do have an advanced degree

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:15:00 +0000

"I need a drink. Want to go get a drink?" asked a co-worker after a particularly grueling day.

Oh boy did I ever. But can I have a drink? Does this new diet- this two weeks allow for one? Hmmm. I have to admit I hadn't thought about it. I don't normally drink. Not because of a problem or because I'm militant about it, just because I don't.

But nothing sounded better than a margarita in that moment and getting a few co-workers to join us wasn't so difficult a task.

I don't know what it is but I am dragging this week. Can't focus. Can't think. In a haze, a fog. Words are escaping me. Not so wonderful for the job I currently have- I have to be able to think. To plan. To organize. To communicate. I have to be on it. All the time. Because if I'm not, if I'm not on it all the time. Things slip.

Then it hits me. Of course I can't think, I'm not eating any fat. At all. In the cycle of bar, oatmeal, shake, salad with protein, shake, bar there is no fat. Of course I can't think. The brain needs a little fat. Hello, Omega 3 and 6.

Well the brain needs a little fish oil

...and a drink once in a while.

Ahh, Right there.

You mean I have to be the grown-up?

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 14:45:00 +0000

I've been fighting it for months. The little kid in me was winning. Sitting in her corner with her thumb in her mouth, pouting. Crying out plaintively. I don't want to go back to the gym. I don't want to go back on my food plan. I don't want to give up sugar and carbs. It's not fair. No one else has to work out two hours a day. Everyone else can eat normal meals and bread.

That kid, I tell you.

So I made a deal with myself. Two weeks of Medi-fast. I'd give it a try for two weeks. If I liked it and saw results I could keep going. Maybe.

Hey it's not cheap. Plus I'm feeding three other people.

If nothing else, after two weeks of shakes and bars and hydrated oatmeal, real food would look so good I wouldn't mind fruit and veggies. I could start again. Again.

First day...well, was kind of a train wreck to tell you the truth. The oatmeal- I can't even begin to tell you what I did. Didn't mix it properly. Tried to use a Styrofoam cup instead of a bowl. All I know is instead of oatmeal, I got huge clumpy chunks and what wasn't a clump was the consistency of baby food. Yum. I tried. Tried to get it down but it wasn't happening. Into the trash.

Next up- chicken soup. Yeah that one is going back. Gag. Into the trash.

The bars- pretty ok. You need to drink lots of water with this product! Lots of water!!! The shakes are really good. The vanilla takes just a little bit like cake batter without the thick consistency and doesn't have that chalky after taste most shakes have.

I can't say I'm seeing huge losses yet but maybe it takes a few days.

Day Two again and again

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 14:35:00 +0000

I did it. I gave in and ordered Medi-fast last night. Cheating? Sure. Do you know in the last five months I've not only gained back the weight I spent a year taking off but also an additional four pounds. All in my stomach. Has to be on my stomach- there's no other space left.

Went to Target to buy some new exercise pants last night and got a good look at myself in the full length mirror. Holy Jesus. Now I know those skinny, skinny little girls stare at me in utter fascination.

But I'm having the hardest time diving back in. Hence the Medi-fast. Not to say I haven't made progress. Completely weaned myself off sodas. Not drinking Starbucks coffee every single day. Was eating Lean Cuisine for lunch and not lunging across my desk and throwing myself at their feet when others asked if I wanted to go out for lunch. Not for the food you understand but just to get out!!!!

I was watching the Discovery Channel the other day. They flashed a picture of an obese person on the screen. Did you know the average obese person has somewhere along the lines of 20 to 30 pounds of undigested food just sitting in their gut? Sitting there, hanging out. I was trying to find the picture but you know the Internet- you can find all the pictures of hanging kitties you want but never what you are actually looking for. Food just sitting there. Yuck.

So on Feb 28th. I'll get my Medi-fast and we'll see how it goes. I do have either a complaint/kudos to give Medi-fast. Regular shipping $12.95- want it now it'll cost upwards of $30 and beyond.

Back to School

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:07:00 +0000

Went back to the gym last in the first time in over ...good lord...can't even remember...maybe October. Maybe longer...No I held out until October. Then I cried uncle and said no thank you.

Raise a family- check.
Work full-time- check.
Run a household-check.
Go to school full-time- check.
Go to the gym full-time- uncheck.

Now- no more school. No more excuses. We all went. My daughter, my brother. Myself.

and it felt good. Right. As though it was where I belonged.

I wanna be an organic farmer

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 14:21:00 +0000

At first you're thinking..Who is this kid? So damned cute. and then you start listening.

Day One

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 13:54:00 +0000

Well it's official- School's out- Gym is in.

Boy, about time. I haven't been this out of shape in quite some time. I'm huffing and puffing walking across campus. Walking up stairs. Getting out of bed in the morning. That last part was a joke. Really.

I graduated this weekend. Really graduated- in an arena in front of 2000 people. Ever been in front of 2000 people. When you don't like being the center of attention? It's a little stressful. Ever been second in line with 400 people behind you- REALLY stressful. People are still paying attention at that point- they haven't been zoned out by endless reading of name after name after name yet.

I did it. Just like I do everything. With a whole lotta work-up imagining all the bad things that could happen, filling with anxiety, until my entire body is vibrating with nervous energy. Then the time comes, I hold my breathe and it happens. ...and I didn't even die. Crazy I know.

I'm not a big fan of being the center of attention.

I found this this week..

Now watching it almost everyday (although now I start at 6:00 minutes to get to the good stuff). More on this tomorrow.

A New Beginning

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 07:01:00 +0000

I'm going back to the gym this week. Getting back on the horse.

How quickly it faded, all the progress, the muscle tone, the breath. How quickly pounds sneak back on. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I knew. I made the choice.

Every day people ask how do you do it? Raise a family, work full-time and a half. Go to school full-time? I do it by putting myself last. My health last. But I'm done now. All finished.

No excuses. I'm going back to the gym this week. I have no choice.

I'm scared. I'm scared of starting over once again. How times do you get exactly to start over? One. One hundred. One thousand. Every day? Every minute?

I'm scared. But I'm more scared of not doing it.

Just a little guts is all it takes

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 03:38:00 +0000

Awesome Video. Just reminds us everyone gets a little skeevy about being naked in front of others- even world class athletes.

MIA

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 00:46:00 +0000

I'll be frank. I'm at a loss as how to fit exercise in my life these days. It feels as though I'm running from the moment I awake to the moment I walk in the door. But not the kind of running that means something. I know there has to be something I'm not thinking of.

I'm at the point I'm ready to chuck the diet and switch over to an easy fix like Medi-fast. I know it works in the short term. I've seen it in action. I also know without a doubt, it's not a long-term solution. But then again what is?

Unless it's a complete permanent lifestyle change- Nothing changes

Send me some good thoughts or even better. Even better got a suggestion? I'd love to hear it.

Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 13:15:00 +0000

We took a friend of my daughter's to kick boxing with us yesterday.

Started out well enough but then the kid dropped out half way through the class, of course dragging my kid out with her. At first I have to admit I was frustrated and a little annoyed.

But then I realized something right in that moment and my feelings transformed from irritation to relief.

My kid has been bit by the exercise bug. Thank the Lord.

She actually looked back at the room with longing as she dutifully followed her friend out the door. I'll be frank with you. She is my kid all the way. Not athletic. Not a runner. Always liked the idea of organized sports more than the execution. Not a whole lot of hand-eye coordination. Used to come in last when they'd run at school.

She's come so far this summer. I had to bet her to come to the first class. I had to beg to get her to come to the second. Now she's hooked. I can see the pride in her eyes at how much better she's gotten in the last few months.

After class the friend started in on the usual litany of how hard the class was and how she was never doing that again. I was pleasantly surprised to hear the daughter turn to her and say, almost without thinking. To not be such a wimp. To woman up. I laughed in that moment as the words I've been saying to her came out her mouth.

I think we forget sometimes as a parent, as Mom's in particular, it's our job to push our kids. No matter how much we want to coddle and baby them. Sometimes we have push them out of the nest, tell them to Bird Up and get their fly on. It's so easy to pick them up when they fall down, we forget to push them back out to do it again.

My daughter- she will need exercise in one form or another for the rest of her life. I'm so relieved she found it now, rather than later. As for the friend. I hope she comes back. I hope she learns the pride of making it through one class and then another and then another until it becomes easy. I hope.

As for me and my kid- the next lesson. It's OK to feel pride in doing something. In mastering a skill. It's OK to feel proud of yourself.

Sunday Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 12:39:00 +0000

{Photo Credit}

Sunday Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 07:26:00 +0000

One day at a time

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 08:54:00 +0000

So I went to the doctor today and had to climb up on the dreaded scale. At first I joked that I was going to turn around and let her note the weight. But then inside I had to acknowledge I was partly serious and decided I needed to take my medicine like a big girl. She announced my weight out loud (love that) and while I didn't gain anything, I sure haven't lost anything all summer either.

I know why- my commitment to my food plan has been spotty at best. Every single day it seems as though I'm making adjustments and not adjustments necessarily in a good way. While the new job (eventually I'll need to stop calling it that because really it's not so new) is great, like any corporation they seem to be food centered. Birthday cakes and donuts and lunches and events. The soda and snack machines in the break room. I can say no to the pastries. I'm not a big doughnut fan but all the rest is becoming a problem.

The exercise is the same situation. Some weeks I'm on target with my five days a week. Other weeks I reach Sunday and realize- that kick boxing class is the only one I attended.

Not to get to personal (yeah right) a normal regular physical thing has been stuttering lately. I'm really too young to have this start to stutter like this. My grandmother didn't start this normal process till she was a good ten years older than I, ditto with my mom. While it's only been two months, I was a little freaked at the doctor today. Reasons could be a simple as stress and as serious as diabetes and heart problems, cancer, etc.

I've always been lucky, even as a heavier person that my weight has never really had serious effects on my health. No heart problems, no thyroid, no diabetes. Really, it confounds the doctors. They look at a person my size, think it must be x disease and are always surprised the test results come back normal to healthy. I think it's the exercise that helps.

But anyway this latest development has me a little freaked out. What if it's heart/diabetes etc? What if it's something I could control? How stupid would I be to do this to myself? Because why? Because I don't want to be rude and say no to a hot dog when it's offered? Because I'm drinking soda when I don't even like it.

Sometimes I have to wonder at some of the choices I make.

Raw Food.Yum

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:56:00 +0000

One of the guys at work was talking about doing a 30 day raw food diet. Remember my office is a nice mix of Harvard MBA business types and blue collar tech guys. This particular guy sits on the phone all day and solves peoples tech issues. Lots of sitting around, not much time for exercise. Yesterday he was explaining the first week of the diet was horrific but the rest of the month wasn't too bad. He lost about 15 lbs. His girlfriend lost about five but from what I understand it was her last five and we all know just how hard that is to get off.

I like the idea of a raw food diet. Particularly with our current eating style. I can tell when I'm eating too many processed foods. Not fast food. I don't really eat too much fast food anymore. I've cut out sodas and only hit Starbucks a day or two a week for the old caffeine fix. But just normal food.I get bloated, lethargic, whiny.

Yes, I know their are people who do the raw food thing all the time. I just don't know if I could. I really like beef a whole heck of a lot and while I like my steak to kiss the grill, eating meat below 116 degrees skeeves me out a little bit.

For those of you unfamiliar with the raw food plan...

The essentials
"Based on unprocessed and uncooked plant foods, such as fresh fruit and vegetables, sprouts, seeds, nuts, grains, beans, nuts, dried fruit, and seaweed. Heating food above 116 degrees F is believed to destroy enzymes in food that can assist in the digestion and absorption of food. Cooking is also thought to diminish the nutritional value and "life force" of food. Typically, at least 75% of the diet must be living or raw." Go here for more info.

Benefits are thought to include:

Increased energy
Improved skin appearance
Better digestion
Weight loss
Reduced risk of heart disease

I believe it. I think my co-worker had the right idea. Do 30 days see how you feel. If you like the diet stick with it, if not use the plan to tune-up your system.

Want more about the raw food lifestyle? Try Jenny the sproutqueen.

Will I do it? Sure, why not? Let's start today.

Were we separated at birth?

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:41:00 +0000

I'm reading Jen Lancaster's Such a Pretty Fat right now. Oh, did this woman just reach inside my brain and pull out all the words for her book?

Picturing people heads as doughnuts? check. Honestly considering a tapeworm as a viable dieting option? check. Would be a bulimic if it meant you didn't have to throw up? check.

Needless to say, in between laughing my ass off (not literally) (although I wish) I'm nodding so hard I'm surprised I haven't burned an extra three hundred calories. Here are a few of my favorite snippets for your reading pleasure.

"You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear." Yes, yes. Describes half my life.

"But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed with my size and in so doing I've inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She's a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge." Exactly.

Plus who as a fat person isn't afraid to get on a plane? Don't bring me the seatbelt extender. And that was before the whole Kevin Smith debacle. (Chapter Five-ish, I think).

I'm now going to have to read the entire series. Damn her, with all her funny witticisms and quick writing style.

Sigh!

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:49:00 +0000

I had a perfect food day yesterday. Absolutely perfect. The exact mix of food. The exact right amount of water. A multi-vitamin. Perfect in every way. I packed a lunch and a dinner rather than dashing out of work as though the demons of hell were on my tail for the first sandwich joint I could find. Hmmm. Coincidence? I think not.

Of course everything went to hell today. Poptart for breakfast, meeting pizza for lunch, three cups of coffee for snack, birthday restaurant fajitas for dinner= not a happy, healthy tummy. Constantly amazes me just how quickly the slide down the hill is. One day you're up and the next you're right back at the bottom.

Only to pick your self right back up and start again tomorrow.

Birthday Cake- You can Suck it!

Sunday Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 14:56:00 +0000

I know, I know I've been MIA. In more ways than one.

Sunday Inspiration

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 14:30:00 +0000

{Photo Credit}

POM

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:31:00 +0000

So a rep from POM- (yes the juice company) wrote and asked if I'd like to try a little of their products and share my thoughts. I couldn't say yes fast enough.

When I started this blog I decided I was going to be open to new experiences. Kinda of like Jim Carey in that movie where he has to say yes to everything, only much less perky and annoying and hopefully without being frisked by airport security. Maybe. I'll get back to you on that.

So I tried it. It's not bad. To be frank I couldn't get anyone else in the family to even take a taste- no way, no how. Wasn't going to happen.They turned their teenage noses up and walked away as fast as they possibly could.

Drinking POM is like drinking cranberry juice. Let's face it- no one starts off by drinking cranberry juice because they like it. They drink it because it serves a very necessary function. One starts by holding their nose, gulping it down as fast as possible and getting on with the rest of their day. But, pretty soon it starts to sneak up on you. You're at breakfast, the waitress asks what you want and nothing sounds better than a small glass of cranberry juice.

POM is strong- it's a strong taste, lots of body and a little much out of the gate. It tastes very good but STRONG.

However I heard pomegranate juice has some health benefits.So like cranberry juice I was prepared to make some concessions.

According to Health Diaries.com drinking pomegranate juice regularly is really good for you. Go here for the complete article. Here's just a sampling...

Fights Breast Cancer

Lung Cancer Prevention

Slows Prostate Cancer

Protects the Neonatal Brain

Prevention of Osteoarthritis

Alzheimer's Disease Prevention

Lowers Cholesterol

Lowers Blood Pressure

Dental Protection

Protects the Arteries

The last two I'm most excited about. The women in my family have a history of heart problems and I hate the dentist.

I found the juice was best mixed with something. I'd add it to my 32 water bottle for a change in flavor. I'd also add it to my protein shakes to change things up. Really good if you use yogurt as well. Very creamy. Kinda like a milkshake.

Bottom line- Will I buy it? Yes- I tell you that dental thing has me excited. I will embrace anything that keeps the dentist away.

p.s. I just went to their site- kinda cool. I did not know they had coffee. Look 10 ways to cook with POM. Never mind. I don't cook.

Attention, attention, read all about it.

noreply@blogger.com (Lanine) — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 04:46:00 +0000

Hey

Left of Lanine

has a new Facebook Fan Page.

Be the first among your friends to like it.

See, your mom was right!

You are the smartest of the bunch.