Legal Antics

Settlement talks = oxymoron

NBlack — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 08:44:00 -0400

Via the Billable Hour comes the following greeting card/comic:

Could you be a bit more specific there, George? Not quite sure I follow...

NBlack — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:42:00 -0400

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Yet another judge breaks into verse

NBlack — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 08:34:00 -0400

Via Quizlaw, comes yet another judge who can simply cannot refrain from creative expression when faced with a 465 page complaint:

Plaintiff has a great deal to say,

But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a).

His Complaint is too long,

Which renders it wrong,

Please rewrite and refile today.”

Because, if she didn't have legal skills, she'd be totally unqualified.

NBlack — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:25:00 -0400

Via Above the Law comes this rather peculiar Craigslist job posting:

Help Wanted: Concubine - m4w - 35 (Upper East Side)
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Job Description: You will regularly provide sexual services as needed and on demand. Specific services required will vary from time to time, but generally will encompass all ordinary sexual activities, with some "pushing of the envelope," dependent upon a determination of where "the envelope" resides for you. The frequency of my need for your services will also vary, but generally I will call upon you two to three times per week... In short, your job description is to do as you are asked, without resistance or condition. While this position will not interfere with an ordinary "day job," it does preclude concurrent involvement in any other sexual relationships.

Qualifications: You must be a woman and over eighteen years of age, but otherwise age, race, and nationality will not be significant to the employment decision. Experience in a comparable position would be helpful, but is not necessary - I am willing to train the right person for the job. The successful candidate will be bright, articulate, extremely flexible, and willing to learn how best to fulfill her role as Concubine. Legal background (e.g., attorney, law student, or pre-law student) a plus, but not required.

Summer schedule

NBlack — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:14:00 -0400

F or the rest of the summer, I'll be taking Friday's off, as I work on the 2007-8 supplement to my West criminal law treatise. Regular posting will resume in September.

No seriously. We elected this guy?

NBlack — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:18:00 -0400

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ADR made interesting.

NBlack — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:04:00 -0400

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Gun with whiskey glass attachment.

NBlack — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 08:26:00 -0400

If you added an attachable ashtray, this particular gun cold be the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm's logo:

Another lawyer joke.

NBlack — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 08:20:00 -0400

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

Happy 4th!

NBlack — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 08:46:00 -0400

Have a great 4th of July!