Hi there, I'm a depressed overweight overworked balding lawyer that hates his job and suffers from loneliness and high blood pressure. I'd like to meet a fun, carefree, hot girl 5 or more years younger than me who is impossibly out of my league in the looks department. I will make dates with you and usually break them because I often have to work late nights and weekends because I'm a corporate slave. Unfortunately my expectations for women are extremely high due to over a decade of viewing unrealistically hot girls in porn. Also, I'm up to my eyeballs in debt due to the educational loan sharks that got me into this mess. If you think you might be a good match, email me with pics. Thanks!

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Alright. Here's try number 2. Why the second try? Because of all the replies I've received, I feel it necessary for the disclaimers below.

Yeah. I'm a geek. I dig science fiction movies and books and have an affinity for zombie stories. I hang with computer enthusiasts and hippies and I'm learning how to play guitar. Oh yeah, and I live in South Minneapolis in a home I own and I work as a public interest lawyer. I spend my days working for the poor and my evenings with friends or with a band I'm in with friends. I'm at the gym a few times a week and otherwise like to stay active on a mountain bike I'm not afraid to use. I'm a romantic at heart and am not above randomly sending flowers and if asked, I might even sing to you.

Here are my vitals:

- 6 feet tall
- short black hair
- brown eyes; glasses
- 250 lbs
- great calves (meh..why not?)
- wanna-be rock star

You:

- relatively low-maintenance (i.e., not emotionally co-dependent)
- not afraid of public displays of affection
- educated (i.e., doesn't use "conversate" or "U R" instead of "you are")
- aware of the world (I once went on a date with a woman who told me that she just learned Alaska wasn't an island)
- able to make fun of David Carradine
- great legs
- in touch with your inner nerd

Hey - send me a picture and I'll send one in return. I might even send you a link to YouTube of my old band.

That said, if you don't send me a picture, I will likely not respond. If you e-mail me from an e-mail address that suggests your name is something silly like Eowyn Farmchunkystyle (bluzarbfleez13113@gmail.com), please feast on the feces of your young rather than bother me. You know we all have something better to do. You have shit to eat and I have legitimate responses to read. If your message to me inlcudes any reference to another website (e.g., tinyurl), eat a dick. Seriously. Your bullshit denegrates all of us. I appreciate the compliments of me being cute regardless of your inability to see what I look like, but again, you silly fuck, you're not sucking me in with your spam flattery.

I'm really not this much of an asshole personally. I just hated digging through the dozens of crap e-mails just to fish out the legitimate ones.

• Location: South Mipples
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This is for all of the girls out there who are smart and sexy and fun. Why is it so hard out there to meet a girl who has both beauty and brains?

Well, here is a guy who has the total package to offer. I am a hot, muscular tan guy with a great body, nice smile and pretty face. I am also intelligent, having passed multiple bar exams and can carry a great conversation and make you laugh. I am also lots of fun to be around and know how to party, be naughty and get wild. I love giving massages, kissing and all types of sensuality. I have a great sense of humor and an entertaining personality

I am looking for a girl who is not only attractive but also smart and sexy as well. If you are drama-free, open-minded and know how to have a good time, I look forward to hearing from you.

Please contact me with a picture and we can further communicate. Look forward to meeting you soon!

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests