Lehmann Laughter

Variety. The Spice of Blogging.

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 12 Nov 2015 21:42:00 +0000

People in my real life will sometimes remind me that I use to blog (or at least blog regularly). They may make a comment about a previous post or after telling a story they’ll say, “Hey, you should write or blog or something” and then I’m like, well, aren’t I an asshole for not doing just that. I mean, come on Tam, give the people what they want!

And then I read a post by Amanda (The Lady Okie) where she mentioned not if she’ll quit blogging but when will that time come. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that time to come. Although much like Amanda, I can’t imagine doing this when I’m an 80 year old woman.

Unless of course I were Betty White. She can seriously do no wrong. And neither can sliced bread.

I think I’ve struggled posting regularly because running was the primary focus of this blog. And it kind of hasn’t been happening as much for me lately. I’ve slowed down quite a bit on my running and have been doing other things (lifting weights, HIIT workouts, Tabata, fitness DVDs, etc). I’m not a gym selfie junkie, or a personal trainer, or have any real accreditation to dole out advice – so I have a hard time figuring out how to share that without coming across as a pretentious dickhole.

So, instead, I figure I’ll just be a pretentious dickhole about a variety of other things and make my blog a little more rounded (and likely still include some fitness stuff as well).

Variety subject #1: My kid. Who is amazingly talented. Proof below.

Exhibit A: She can eat a donut off a string.

Exhibit B: She can wield a sword larger than her body.

Variety Subject #2: Me! And things not always related to fitness.

Exhibit A: Beauty stuffs. Like hair changes and lipstick obsessions.

Exhibit B: Catching fish.
(Honestly, I’m not sure how often this will come up but you know, just in case.)

Variety Subject #3: Uh, variety?
(and reasons to post pictures that I forget to post on social media and
feel like it’s too late to do once the moment has passed)

Exhibit A: Mmm. Slurpees.

Exhibit B: This happens more than I care to admit.

Until I blog again.

PS. Dickhole.

Double PS. Sorry, I felt like I had to say it again because it’s really make me giggle at how many times I’m saying it.

Uhh, hi?

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Fri, 07 Aug 2015 20:54:00 +0000

I don’t know how to start this.

Like, I’ve been out of the loop for so long that it’s kind of those awkward first few moments you catch eyes with someone in the supermarket that you haven’t seen in like 10 years and you don’t know if they remember you, so you wait for a sign. Like, a smile. Or a head nod. Or a little wave, with a “Heyyyy girl!”

Because you both know if one of you doesn’t initiate it then you’re both going to divert your eyes and scram down the next aisle acting like you didn’t see the other person but we all know you did.

So I guess what I’m saying is *waves hand* “HEYYYYYY GIRLLLLL!”

I’m still around just re-prioritized some things in my life and unfortunately, updating this blog has dropped a bit in ranking. I should tell you that I’m going to change that, and I’m going to be back more regularly but honestly? I don’t know if I will. I’m just going with the flow and I hope that flow leads me into posting regularly again. We shall see, I guess.

In the meantime, here’s a few things I’ve been up to over the past few months.

Lillie, mostly. She really enjoyed her time on t-ball and they even made it to the play-offs. I think she’ll play again next year (I hope so, anyway).

It’s hard to believe she’ll be 5 in November. Looking back it’s really an amazing thing to witness a child grow up, she continues to amaze Alfred & I every day. Not only with her kind heart but with her growing sense of humor (even if sometimes that means she gives me a wet willy, thanks to Alfred for showing her that)

Alfred Lehmann Services. If you’ll recall Alfred quit his regularly programmed job at the end of 2013 to venture out on his own. I know it’s cliché to say, but he really is the hardest working man I know and I’m incredibly proud of his commitment and work ethic. There’s been a learning curve but we make a good team (when neither one of us is hungry, otherwise the HANGER takes over and well, it’s not pretty.)

Our good friends, Courtney & Jeff representing Alfred Lehmann Services with us at a local event recently.

Speaking of the learning curve, it’s also inspired me to go back to school. I graduated in May 2009 with my Bachelor’s in Business Administration. I worked full-time in addition to earning my degree but with no kid, I had a lot more time to commit to studying. I’m more nervous about this new adventure than the day Alfred told he was quitting his job! I take the GMAT (standardized test for graduate school) next month and will hopefully get into the MBA program I’m looking at and start that in January.
As far as running goes, that’s fallen to the wayside this summer. I tend to slow down during these months because um, Texas heat, yo. I did register for a 5k (this Sunday!) to get into more of a routine with my fitness goals. The only real plan for this 5k is to finish, no PR goals for me since the heat always throw a wrench into things. I just want to go out and enjoy it.

Also, it’s called Badass Brazos and I’m hoping that’s exactly what the shirt says. Because if I have a shirt that says it, it must be true, right?

What’s been going on with you guys?

Bearathon 2015

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 21:33:00 +0000

At the end of last year, I pushed a little too hard in one of my runs and started noticing a bit of knee pain. I pulled back on my distance and pace so as not to injure it further and then just kind of got lazy with it – as evidenced by my half time at the end of January.

It was still bothering me on and off after that race, so I decided to drop down from the half to the 5k for this years Bearathon (2014, 2013 and 2012 recaps). I’m glad I did – not only because my knee pain has greatly diminished but also because long-distance running doesn’t hold my heart as it once did. (Something I’ll blog about in greater detail later.)

I major failed in not reading every bit of information provided to me by the race directors (because I got cocky since I’ve ran this thing for the past three years) and drove to what I thought was the starting line, only to realize no one was there. It was gone. I quickly pulled out the last email and realized I was two streets over. I got lucky as someone was pulling out of the parking garage and then had to sprint about a 1/4 mile to the start once I heard the starting gun go off.

Just a nice way to get my endorphins started, right?

The weather was in the mid-50s but it had rained the night before and was currently misting, so I decided to wear my rain jacket (purchased from Fabletics, I think Holly has the same one!) but a half mile in I was sweating more than rain was getting on me, so I tied it around my waist.

It managed to twist its way around and in true Tamara fashion, left me with a couple of great race pictures.

If only I had been wearing a purple seashell top, I totally could have been Ariel. Maybe next time.

Also, I laughed pretty hard at the first one because my shirt kept riding up and sticking to my skin, so you can see my stomach right underneath my race bib. Keeping it classy.

They changed the route this year (which is why the starting line was in a different spot) so that it ended at McLane Stadium. Which, for those of you who don’t follow college sports, is basically Baylor giving it their all since we had good ol’ RG3 as a Heisman winner a few years back. There’s even a statue of him.

I just reread that last sentence and it feels like I was trying to segue into a picture of said statue. I have no picture. The guy in the orange shirt? Not a statue. Also, not RG3.

I liked the course change but I did not like that we had about a 1/4 to 1/2 mile walk back to our vehicles depending on where we parked. There was no transportation/shuttles. Which isn’t a huge complaint, I mean, we literally just ran it but with the weather being kind of gross it would have added a nice touch, especially for those finishing the half. There’s some serious hills in that thing.

I managed to finish in 35:46 (only 3 seconds slower than my Jan 5k!) and forgot stop to my Garmin. But it showed my first mile as 11:12 as apposed to my 10:36 last time (fastest mile ever for me!) and so I feel like it wasn’t as much of a fluke as I was starting to think. Like, you guys, I really do have it in me to get faster. Exciting mental breakthrough. Only took me 3 years. Ha!

This was my third race as a Beef Team member for the year (in your first year you are required to run 3 races and volunteer at 1 in order to stay eligible for the next year – more on this in a later post) and hoped to check out our water station but had to pick up Lillie.

We ran a couple of errands in town (I brought dry clothes to change into) that included picking out some cleats and a helmet for tee ball. She’s old enough to be in organized sports and it is crazy talk. Super adorable but totally crazy. She could probably do without the catching of a ball but is all about running the bases. I’m still on the look-out for a local 1k or 1 mile race for us to participate in – suggestions are welcome!

You see the pink blur? Yeah, that’s right. You don’t. She’s that fast.

(Which is another reason I need to get my pace down, I can’t have her beating me! ha!)

Until we run again, my friends!

“My legs are sooo fat.”

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:31:00 +0000

When Lillie was 3 years old, she grabbed her thighs, sighed very loudly and said,

“Ugh, my legs are sooo fat.”

I would hope your reaction was the same as mine – surely, she didn’t just say her legs were fat. So, I turned down the radio (we were in the truck) and asked her as calmly as I could, “What did you say Lillie?”

And she repeated, “My legs are fat.”

My mind immediately ran through any and everything I may have said over the course of her entire lifetime that would have pushed her towards this conclusion. I came up with nothing. I don’t even say fat. I’ve even stopped other people from saying that in front of her. (I don’t have a problem with the word, to me it’s just an adjective, I have an issue with the context in which it was used.)

While I have had my fair share of weight issues, when I had Lillie, my perspective changed. My behaviors changed. I no longer made audible comments about my body or talked about food in a negative way (ex: I can’t eat that. It has too much fat. etc.) I became more active and my focus switched to being healthy as opposed to just being thin or restrictive. I had hoped by doing these things, by pro-actively sharing a positive body image in the woman she is around the most, that she would recognize her self-worth is not tied exclusively into her body – even though it can often feel that way for a girl, heck for a woman.

So, when she made this very wrong assessment about her growing body, about her toddler body, all I wanted to do was hug her, squish her close to me and tell her she was beautifully made no matter what size her thighs appeared to be. In fact, that’s probably what I would do to any of you lovely people reading right now but since she was only 3, I needed a more logical approach, one that would appeal to her current interests in the event that this would happen again. I didn’t want to ignore this comment and excuse it by thinking she wasn’t aware of what she was saying (but I mean, what if she knew exactly what she was saying and I just let her talk about herself in that way? Not acceptable.)

I decided to pull the truck over to the side of the road, asked God to help me find the words I needed and unbuckled my seat belt.

I knew by stopping the truck it would catch her attention and she immediately questioned, “Why are we stopping?”

And as I turned back to her, I found the words.

“Do you like to run?”

Yes.

“And you love to play really hard, right? Going down the slide and swinging, right?”

Yeah.

“Well, the only way we are able to do those awesome, fun things is by having muscles. You know how we show our muscles in our arms?”

Yeah.

“We actually have muscles all over our body. In our legs, our back, even our face! Pretty cool, huh?”

IN OUR FACE??

“Yep, that’s how we can smile. And that’s how we can run because of those muscles in our legs. That’s how mama runs. And how I pick you up in the air. It’s muscles.
So, saying your legs are fat isn’t exactly right. You just have big, strong muscles that we want to keep growing so we can run faster and play harder. That’s why we drink water and eat our fruits and vegetables, because they help our body grow those muscles. Okay?”

Okay.

I turned back around and we went about the rest of our day. And for the last year, I’ve tried reinforcing that conversation whenever I could. She runs “super fast” (her words) and when she finishes she’ll show me her muscles. When she asks for a water instead of juice, I give her a high-five. When she chooses to eat a banana instead of ice cream, I comment on what a good choice she’s made for her body.

I hate that she ever thought her legs were fat but it did help make our health a part of the conversation and for that I’m grateful. I strive to show her a balance and I’m learning as I go. We still regularly cook chicken nuggets from box, eat ice cream, share a soda, make cookies (which includes eating the dough!) and enjoy what we eat. Food is not something we revolve our life around, it’s just something we take care of in order to have the energy to do the things we want to do.

As she gets older, we’ll work on expanding our knowledge of health & food & exercise based on her maturity and what’s going on in her life. (I remember kids making fun of others in my 1st grade for their size!)

This particular incident helps serve me as a reminder of how easily influenced small children can be, even if they don’t realize what it is they’re saying/conveying.

I still don’t know where she picked up that thought – whether it was from a friend from school who has heard her parents talk about being fat, or from something on television/radio, or from someone close to us who maybe made an off-the-cuff remark to another adult without realizing the impact those words would make, this is an important conversation to have with our children. Hell, it’s an important conversation to have with ourselves.

I know I’m not going to be able to protect her from everything. From people’s opinions, from the media, even from her own voice of doubt – but I do plan on giving her the tools to break free from those things. Kindness being one of the most important tools in my book – and not only to other people but to herself. Speaking kindly and positively about your your body and your character can drastically change your own attitude (living proof right here) and create a better quality of life for you & those around you. And that’s why, I stopped the truck. And why I didn’t chalk this up to a kids say the darndest thing moment. Because one day, that kid is going to be an adult and what a terrible waste of this beautiful life we have if all we concentrate on is how ‘fat’ our thighs are.

Miracle Match 13.1

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 23:17:00 +0000

Last year I ran this half as part of my marathon training & felt really strong through it. This year? Not even close to feeling strong. I simply did not put in the amount of effort necessary for me to feel as though I successfully completed a half.

The furthest training run I had done was 7 miles. I chose to sleep in, spend time with my friends/family over the holiday break and just fell back into my running slump that’s been hanging around since last March. I briefly considered not running it but then I remembered Amanda from The Lady Okie was going to be there – and seriously, I couldn’t back out. I was also living on that runners high from the previous days 5k.

We met up about 30 minutes before the start of the race so I could give her bag/bib I picked up at the expo and also, to you know, awkwardly hug and say a little prayer of thanks that neither of us appear to be psycho serial killers. You can read Amanda’s recap of the experience here.

Originally, Amanda was going to go for a PR but when she saw how awesome I was (I’m assuming) she decided she’d slow down and stay at my pace. Which means, I basically had a 3 hour run-date where we talked about running (duh), life, God, stupid water stations that had no water, and took selfies (something neither one of us usually do on runs).

Around Mile 4.

I don’t normally get to run with someone, so it was definitely a nice change of pace for me – and I’m pretty grateful for it since I was over it by Mile 9 due to my wonderful training schedule I didn’t adhere too.

Telling Amanda to hurry up.*

*Lies. We actually think we’re just super funny & clever.

We ran through Baylor campus and the new stadium, the zoo, and the hills. Those damn hills. I was already in pain from them so at Mile 11 when a dancing chicken (literally) asked us if we wanted to do Jacob’s Ladder for extra bling, both Amanda and I hit those stairs like a boss.

Amanda’s mom (who is super wonderful & sweet) found us right before we were set to hit the finish line and then we were done!

We ended up getting a bunch of great photos (they were free this year) and ate some fajitas at the finish line once we got our extra bling for Jacob’s Ladder.

It was a great experience – although, it makes me a little sad that Amanda doesn’t live closer because I’m pretty sure we’d have BFF necklaces if we did.

Well, now that I think about it – we kind of do – I mean, race medals are just like BFF necklaces, right?

Yep, that’s what I’m going with.

It was beautiful weather, a fun experience and knowing me – I’ll end up doing it again next year (creature of habit when it comes to this race). Ha!

Until we run again, friends!

Miracle Match 5k

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 23:08:00 +0000

On January 24-25th, I slipped on my running shoes, threw on some lipstick and hit the pavement for not one, but two, races.

Wearing lipstick on race day is totally legit, right? #miraclematch #5k #beeftip #teambeef #txbeefteam

A photo posted by Tamara Lehmann (@tamara0827) on Jan 24, 2015 at 6:50am PST

I know what you’re thinking and the answer is yes.

Yes, I am totally on fleek.
(Shout out to Kate for keeping us aware of what all the cool kids are saying these days!)

The race weekend includes a 5k on Saturday and a half-marathon on Sunday. Well, for me it does, you can pick and choose anything from a 1 mile, 5k, 10k, half, a full, or an ultra. You can even participate in a fire-truck pull.

I ran the 5k & half last year (recap here!) as part of my marathon training but this year I had three entirely different reasons to sign up:

This would be my first opportunity as a Beef Team member to race.
Amanda, from The Lady Okie, was running the half.
And probably most importantly, I’d get an extra medal for running both.

Clearly I couldn’t say no.

My training for the 5k went really well (half-training? Uh, we’ll go there in the next post but short answer: I suck.) I made it a point to have at least one run where I focus on speed training. Because I’m no professional and had no idea how to do that safely, I downloaded the Jeff Galloway 5k app and utilized it for my speed sessions. Based on my performance for this 5k, I would say it’s doing the trick.

I finished in 35:43 with an average pace of 11:31.

My first mile was 10:36.

I have never ran even close to a 10 minute mile. I am not exaggerating when I say I started crying upon realizing it. While I have always wanted to be faster, I have never really put in the work for it. I always just kind of hoped it would happen naturally but after 3 solid years of running, it hadn’t so I just resigned myself to being a slower runner. No big deal. Still love the sport, I just love it a little longer than most people do out on the race course, right? Getting my money worth, that’s all.

I made a video (a little reminiscent of my first running vlog!) right after the race. I meant to post it Saturday after the race but you know, life happened. So it references tomorrow (being Sunday for the half with Amanda).

Eventually, I’ll write up my resolutions for the year (I have them, I just haven’t posted anything about them because I’m a terrible blogger) but one of my running goals this year is to focus on quality and not quantity. I really want to improve my pace so that when I decide I’m ready to run another marathon, I won’t have to question if that damn course will close on me because of ‘bad weather’.

(Please reference face below when reading ‘bad weather’ as I may still be slightly bitter concerning how Texas weather did me last year during my marathon.)

The 5k itself was great and the running team I’m now a part of (Team Beef) ran the water station at the halfway point. They snapped this super happy picture of me. I have more to say about Team Beef in a later post but the picture they took pretty much sums up how I feel about it.

Overall, the race didn’t disappoint. In the past 5 years I’ve ran it, it’s always gone off without a hitch, incredibly well organized and easily accessible. (Your parking is like 100 feet away from the start line!) It’s always great to start the year off with happy feet & Miracle Match certainly does that for me.

I mean, if my finish line photo looks this freaking happy – it’s got to be a testament to something, right? (Also, pictures were free this year!)

More tomorrow in regards to the half that I (spoiler alert) hardly trained for!

Until we run again!

2014: Resolution Results

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Fri, 16 Jan 2015 23:03:00 +0000

I write resolutions each year and it’s always really interesting (for me anyway) to go back to see how well I’ve done or how poorly I’ve done with them. I’m still working on my 2015 resolutions and hope to have that up early next week. In the meantime, let’s recap and see how I held up in 2014.

Resolution #1: Time Management

Goal: Learn to organize my time better so I can be more present for my family, friends & myself.

I started the year off well by using a day planner but then mid-year it just fell to the wayside. I picked it back up again around September. But less about scheduling my activities and more for figuring the scheduling out for our new business venture, Alfred Lehmann Services.
I am much more organized at the start of this year than I was last year, so I would say this one is a success.

Resolution #2: Meal Prep

Goal: To help with the time management, work on prepping meals at the start of the week.

Um. Let’s just go ahead and throw this one down the poopchute. Definitely did not kill this resolution even though I did make progress on it. I’d say I probably made a solid effort and prepped in total about 2 months out of the year.

Resolution #3: Get Stronger

Goal: Hit the weights!

It’s so weird now to look back and think I was in the middle of marathon training this time last year. Man, it’s gone by fast.
Once my marathon was over, I did hit the weights. I came up with a plan and started noticing more definition & strength in my arms/back. I made it through 8 of 12 weeks in the LiveFit program; however, I started getting a little defeated when the workouts began to exceed an hour. I love that I can workout on my lunch break but it wasn’t really conducive to the last part of the program. (Excuses, right?) I picked up running more and just sporadically worked out when I could.
I am stronger than I was – maybe not as defined as I hoped (this is also in part because I’m not the leanest I could be) – but Alfred has even made a few comments here & there about how he’s impressed I can actually lift things now. So, taking this as a success.

My goals/resolutions for 2014 were kept vague so that I could have a little leeway on them. I don’t regret that choice but I think for 2015 I really want to buckle down and have some hard set goals to see accomplished by the time 2016 rolls around. Something I can look at and say, YEP DEFINITELY ACCOMPLISHED or NOPE, BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

WW – Week 11 - Oops

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 12 Jan 2015 23:06:00 +0000

I haven’t updated my blog in a month. Once our Christmas break started I really took to heart what Ms. Nutralicious mentioned in my previous (Week 7) update and choose to not focus on losing weight over the holidays. Instead, I enjoyed the time I had with my family. And I enjoyed the food.

So, how did that workout for me?

I gained 4 lbs over the past 4 weeks. Actually, the past 3 weeks. Week 8 I weighed in at the same exact weight (190.2) as Week 7. It was Week 9 (Christmas!) and Week 10 (New Years!) that I gained back what I had already lost.

I was a little annoyed with it but can recognize that this is totally my fault. Nobody forced me to eat that pecan pie or drink another White Russian – I do believe though that my weight gain was probably a lot less than it has been in the past years. I was conscious of how much I ate, I just didn’t care how many calories/points they were. Ultimately, I’m okay with my decision and am grateful for the advice to enjoy the time I had with my family without fretting about losing weight.

Last week, I started back into my normal routine (daycare for Lillie, work for me!) and refocused my energy on making healthy choices. I tracked everything I ate and am happy to report that I’ve dropped those 4lbs!

Week 11: January 5-11

Original Weight: 197.6
Week 11 Starting Weight: 194.2
Current Weight: 189.6

Total Weight loss: –8 lbs

Current Goal: 183.7 lbs
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Week 12 Goal:
*Work on my sugar intake*

I’ve seen a few articles pop-up about how sugar engages the same part of your brain when it comes to addictions – like, you know, for crack. And just based on my own personal experiences, I would say it’s totally addictive. Over the holidays, I got a little sugar cracked out (we all did!) and will just try to tone it down over the next week.

Did anyone else get the sugar cracks over the holidays? Or at the very least do something awesome?

WW – Week 7 – Holiday Maintenance

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 15 Dec 2014 20:33:00 +0000

Week 7: December 8 – December 14

Original Weight: 197.6 lbs

Week 7 Starting Weight: 191.8 lbs
Current Weight: 190.2 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss/Gain: –1.6 lbs

Total weight loss: –7.4 lbs

Current Goal: 183.7 lbs
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Week 6 Goals:
*Focus on my goal every time I feel myself falling down the rabbit hole of Oreos:
I probably made a solid “B” on this goal. A good 85% percent of the time I stopped myself from bingeing/eating excessively by just thinking about where I want to be on August 23, 2015 when I turn 30 – the best version of me possible.

After two weeks of gains, it was nice to step on the scale this morning and see a loss. I think talking about my own emotional eating last week helped really put things into perspective for me. It was a lot easier telling myself to stop (no binges!) and focus on my long-term goal after typing/talking it out.

I also received some really great advice that helped take the pressure I was putting on myself to LOSE LOSE LOSE by Miss Nutralicious (check her out, she’s wonderful!):

Also, real thing that I learned at nutrition school:
We were taught to help clients focus on maintaining weight instead of losing weight during November and December. Everyone gets so crazy busy during the holidays that they usually gain weight, so maintenance is a bigger goal. So don't beat yourself up if you maintain weight instead of lose during this month. Keep doing your healthy thang and you'll get where you want to be! :)

I decided that instead of beating myself up or telling myself NO during holiday shenanigans (we had two work parties last week I attended) – I would eat what I wanted but really listen to my hunger cues and not just blindly eat/snack. I’m going to still track my points, work on eating more filling foods and do everything else but move my focus more to maintenance over the holidays. I want to enjoy this time with my friends and family without having everything dictated by food. It worked this past week, so I feel good about this plan until after the New Years.

Another part of the emotional eating I didn’t address last week is that sometimes I think that, “Wow, I HAVE to eat this because I may never get to eat it again” – we just never knew how much food or what was going to be available to us growing up. I don’t ever remember being hungry growing up but then again, maybe it was just normal to us to have little, so we did with it what we could?

Just another aspect to this weight loss thing I have to remind myself about – my food intake is only dependent on me at this point. No one else. I buy the food, I prepare the food, I put the food in my mouth – anything beyond that is blaming someone else for my mistakes. I don’t like doing that in any other aspect of my life, so why should I do it when it comes to my nutrition?

Week 7 Personal Goal:
*Work on incorporating more vegetables into my meals.

Lillie Lately v.6

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 10 Dec 2014 14:43:00 +0000

Lillie Lately v.1; v.2; v.3; v.4 & v.5

Lillie has two princess bedtime story books. She’s really been into them lately and I let her choose which princess book she gets to read from each night. Recently, I’ve been working on teaching her left from right.

Me: [holding both books up in front of her] Which book do you want to read from – the left or the right?
Lillie: [points to left book]
Me: Which one is it? The left or the right?
Lillie: [points to the princess on the cover, Tiana] This one.
Me: No. Not the princess. Which book do you want – the book in my left hand or the right hand?
Lillie: The right.
Me: No, that’s the left book.
Lillie: Dat’s right.
Me: No, this is the right book (pointing to right book) and THIS is the left (pointing to left)
Lillie: No, mama. Dis is the WHITE book.
Me: …

Getting ready for school one morning, I’ve laid out a dress for Lillie to wear. She’s excited because well, she likes dresses. She’s changing from her pajamas.

Lillie: [shirt is stuck on her head] Silly shirt, you’re so taffy!
Me: [laughing] Did you say taffy?
Lillie: Yeah, silly me!
Me: What does taffy even mean?
Lillie: Um, um. It’s um, when like you’re trying to be nice and you are and you don’t throw balls at people’s faces. That’s taffy.

And here I thought it was candy. Silly me.

I was roasting brussel sprouts in the oven for dinner. Lillie comes walking into the kitchen from the hallway.

Lillie: Mama, someone farted.
Me: Uhm, I think that’s just dinner in the oven.
Lillie: No. I think someone farted.

I’ll give it to her though – brussel sprouts do smell a little bit like fart.

Lillie has been excited about Christmas since early November. She asked to set up our tree nearly every day for a month. When we I finally managed to get it together and pull it all out, she was thrilled. That evening we were sitting on the couch, looking at the tree and winding down for the day.

Lillie: Mama, is it Christmas?
Me: No, honey. It’s not for a few more weeks. We just put the tree up today to get ready for Christmas.

Lillie sits in silent for a moment, almost like she’s gathering her thoughts.

Lillie: Mama, will you please tell me when it’s Christmas?
Me: [laughing] You’ll know when it’s Christmas. I promise.
Lillie: But you will tell me, right mama?!
Me: [still laughing] Yes, I’ll tell you.
Lillie: YAY!

WW – Week 6 – Emotional Eating

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Tue, 09 Dec 2014 21:43:00 +0000

Week 6: December 1 – December 7

Original Weight: 197.6

Week 6 Starting Weight: 191.4 lbs
Current Weight: 191.8 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss/Gain: +.4 lbs

Total weight Loss: –5.8 lbs

Current Goal: 183.7 lbs

I gained again this week. Unlike last week though, I don’t feel entirely comfortable with it. And honestly? It’s probably less about the number increase and more about my lack of self-control when it comes to food. Specifically when that food becomes tied to my emotions.

Growing up we were poor. Mom raised 3 children on a waitress’ salary which is hard enough but then throw in the fact that she was dealing with her own demons (alcoholism and a smoker), we just did not have the disposable income in our life to have say, sodas on hand to drink whenever we wanted. Those were special moments and trust me, they were never name brand. Even going to McDonald’s was a luxury for us.

I am not ashamed of my childhood. My mother did the best she could with what she had. I always knew I was loved but I also was very aware of our social status in comparison with my friends/classmates. Especially when I hit middle school and things like name-brand shoes were popular and shopping at Goodwill was not.

When I started making my own money and could essentially afford a $6 meal deal from Sonic – I did (and I did it a lot). It somehow (and still does on occasion) makes me feel like I’ve stepped into a higher social class. It feels good knowing I can provide my daughter with more than what I had growing up.

I know it sounds silly but having the option/the ability to eat whatever the hell I want to reminds me of everything I didn’t have growing up and how much I do have now in comparison. It’s a positive reinforcement that I’m on the right track – at least in the sense of providing for my family.

When I start to limit that or recognize that I’m limiting it (no matter that it’s because I want to a better version of myself) it’s like my brain is all “FUCK THAT. You have worked hard, you deserve to eat that 1500 calorie burger.” And I listen. Because it makes sense to me.

When I type it out it sounds ridiculous. I’m also a people pleaser and sometimes that even makes it hard for me to tell myself no, even when I know I won’t like the future outcome.

I hope this doesn’t come off as one big excuse. It’s not. I know it’s my fault that I chose to binge eat that cookie dough, I could have walked away but I didn’t. There’s a consequence to every action and apparently this week it was a gain. All I can do is try to be better this week.

Last week goals:
*~~Prepare lunches/snacks for the weekdays~~ – did it! Didn’t hit the vending machine once.
*~~Track my food on Saturday & Sunday~~ – did it! It didn’t seem to help since I was being all emotional about shit but hey, it’s a start.

Weekly Personal Goal:
*Focus on my goal every time I feel myself falling down the rabbit hole of Oreos.

WW – Week 4 & 5

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 23:10:00 +0000

I didn’t post last Monday due to the awesomeness of being on vacation for Thanksgiving. My priority was not to blog and instead do things like do laundry & play with my kid. I did, however, still weigh in.

Week 4: November 17 – November 23

Original Weight: 197.6
Week 4 starting weight: 191.4
Current Weight: 191
Weekly Weight Loss: –.04 lbs

Total Weight Loss: – 6.6 lbs

Our water heater busted this week, which flooded the flooring in our kitchen, living room & hallway so we put new flooring in. It totally messed up my planning & instead of working around it, I used it as an excuse and didn’t put in the effort with my food choices as I should have. I was actually pretty surprised to even see a loss.

Scraping up carpet & tile is some serious business. Even Lillie got in on the action. (Actually she asked to watch television and we told her this was way more fun than that! I don’t think she quite believed us but she was a trooper anyhow.)

Alfred laid most of the flooring, I left Friday morning with just a small portion of the hallway done and came back that evening after work to everything done except maybe a 3x15 foot section. It was like walking into a whole new house. Even Lillie said, “Oh wow” when we stepped through the door.

Also, for anyone who ever decides to rip out their own carpet – you will be amazed at how gross it is underneath. We even found a Big Red stain underneath it that happened a few years ago that wasn’t visible from the top of the carpet.

We decided last year that we were really going to start making our home ours and updating it in the way we want. We moved in around 8 years ago but have always toyed with the idea of building our own home so kind of let things go. With Alfred starting his own business and investing money/time into that, building our own home just doesn’t carry the same interest to us as it did before. Our dreams have shifted. I’m excited for the changes we have planned.

On to Week 5!

Week 5: November 24 – November 30

Original Weight: 197.6 lbs

Week 5 Starting Weight: 191 lbs
Current Weight: 191.4
Weekly Weight Loss/Gain: +.4 lbs

Total Weight Loss: –6.2 lbs

*Current Goal:183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Since starting Weight Watchers this is my first gain. I felt a little indifferent about it. Probably because I know it’s my fault. I let the week get away from me by not planning and my activity was low. Straight up, I’m the only one to blame for it and I knew it was coming. I’m happy it wasn’t more but now that I think about it – it sucks that I’m back where I was two weeks ago. I’m hoping that this week back at work I can get into my routine to keep me on track.

Weekends are the hardest for me since there’s no real structure – and with Thanksgiving traveling and family time, I just ate what I wanted when I wanted. I also drank a few more calories than probably necessary but to be fair, I did stay up for 39 hours straight Black Friday shopping so drinking a few Coke’s was the only way that happened.

Also, gummy worms. Gummy worms helped that happen.

Goals for this week:

*Prepare lunches/snacks for the weekdays
*Track my food on Saturday & Sunday

Officially been awake for over 24 hours now. #blackfriday #hashtagwow

A photo posted by Tamara Lehmann (@tamara0827) on Nov 11, 2014 at 5:06am PST

Runners Tell All: #1 Running Fan

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Fri, 21 Nov 2014 23:11:00 +0000

Linking up with Amanda & Beka for the second-to-last Runners Tell All link-up to share a little bit about my #1 Running Fan.

Which would be lovely if I felt like I had a #1 Running Fan. Other than myself of course. You could probably save the hassle of reading this post if you’ve already read Kate’s – we’re pretty much in the same boat. I never felt like a “real” runner when I started (and sometimes still), so I just never forced running onto others. I was just like, okay, I’m going to run and that’s that.

Most of my races have been solo. It’s not that I don’t have supportive people in my life but none of them are runners, so the idea of them standing out in the weather for 30 minutes to 6 hours (hi non-marathon!) just to cheer me on for 30 seconds seemed kind of selfish. I mean, honestly, I’m not breaking any records here.

My husband is probably the most constant (because he has to deal with hearing about running way more than any non-runner should) and my best friend, Emilie, a very close second. She’s actually done a few 5ks with me.

And I guess my daughter. But to be fair, she thinks she’s the fastest human in the world right now so my running is pretty slow motion for her. Unless there is a park available near the start line, she’s not around to cheer me on. She does know when my Mizuno’s are on though, it’s about to go down. Which makes me pretty proud.

Both Alfred & Emilie have been amazing while I’ve ventured into this world of running but the people that get it, the people that are there when I need a mental boost and understand – are you guys. Abbey, Kate, Amanda, Katie, and Amanda are people who I could chat with about running & fitness all days if I could. The blogging community has been monumental in what I’ve accomplished and in what I hope to accomplish in this upcoming year. I don’t know if these people I’ve mentioned are actual “fans” but they’re certainly people who support the hell out of me & I love them for it.

WW- Week 3

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 17 Nov 2014 23:08:00 +0000

Week 3: November 10 – November 16

Original Weight: 197.6 lbs

Week 3 Starting Weight: 193 lbs
Current Weight: 191.4 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: – 1.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss: –6.2 lbs

*Current Goal: 183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

Confession: I didn’t track my food Saturday & Sunday.

Bonus confession: It was totally planned.

The husband & I decided to take ourselves a little mini-vacation (no kid!) I decided early on in the week that I wanted to enjoy the experience as opposed to worrying about what I was (or wasn’t) eating the entire time. I told myself throughout the week to stick to my food plan, if I was hungry to reach for something filling and not just convenient, because on Saturday I could choose whatever I wanted – guilt-free.

It worked! I tracked everything throughout the week early on in the day, my lunches were planned & accounted for & I focused on my food slumps throughout the week. (2:30-3:00 pm is when my “munchie” clock goes off apparently). I thought I would weigh myself Friday morning, just to see where I stood and it was 189.8 lbs. I knew it wouldn’t be that low when I weighed in this morning because well, nachos were on my mini-vacation agenda, but I felt really good about that number.

Like, wow, eating (mostly) quality food that satisfies me in the long-term actually does work. I never felt hungry last week or deprived. I had two really great runs – that should not have felt as easy as they did because my actual running in the past few months has been sporadic at best – and I really feel like that is because of what I’ve been putting into my body.

I ran today after my weekend of not-as-good-choices and I could really tell I was struggling much more (even though the mileage was about the same).

I did make better choices than I normally would have over the weekend but I was still able to enjoy myself. I had margaritas, French fries, & nachos. But I also had grilled chicken, water, & the best steamed asparagus ever. When I was full, I put my fork down. I didn’t eat with the mind-set of “I’m on vacation, why not?” I ate from a place of “That sounds good, I’ll have it.”

I didn’t lose as much weight this past week as I potentially could have (as evidenced by my unofficial weigh-in on Friday) but I am starting to rely less on food being the main course in my life and instead letting it be just be the side dish. For so long, it seemed like everything was surrounded by what we’re having for dinner, and what or where are we going to eat, etc. I want my focus to be on what I’m doing and not what I’m eating or planning on eating. I think I’m moving in the right direction.

I don’t know how many of you guys are actually reading this but if you have any questions about the Weight Watchers program or just about me in general, feel free to ask.

Miracle Match 2015 Training Shenanigans

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 23:20:00 +0000

This was my first week back into half-marathon training. I’ve been out of the running long distance game for what seems like forever. I have done a couple of 5ks over the past few months but the last time I ran anything longer than 3.1 miles was in April (just a few short weeks after my failed marathon.)

After devoting so much time to running over the past few years, I think I got a little burned out. I told myself that when I start running again, I want to do quality over quantity. I mean, last year I ran 14 races. FOURTEEN. I never really got much better/faster even though that’s something I kept saying I wanted. I’m pretty sure it was because I refused to focus my energy on one race. Instead, I was all like I WANT ALL THE RACES AND I WANT THEM NOW. It was fun though.

Also, race registrations can be expensive and with the starting of Alfred’s business, I’ve been a little more conservative in my spending. When I chose my next long-distance race I wanted to devote some quality running to it.

So, what race did I choose?

Miracle Match 5k & Half-Marathon 2015!

I ran this last year as part of my marathon training. I love the course, it’s practically in my backyard & you get extra swag for running the 5k on Saturday, then the half on Sunday. I do love me some swag. (Also, this was my first ever 5k five years ago, so it holds a special place in my heart.)

But to make this even more exciting I’m actually going to meet Amanda from The Lady Okie. I plan on giving her a wonderfully awkward hug & forcing her to take fake running selfie’s with me.

Here is my tentative training schedule. This is fairly fluid, depending on what’s going on in my life I’m up to being flexible as long as I end up getting my long runs in. We shall see.

On the speed/tempo days I’m just going to use my Jeff Galloway running app. It will tell me exactly what to do and when. I’m clueless when it comes to actually getting faster, so I’m just going to trust he knows what he’s talking about and take it from there.

Moj days are whatever she sets up for us. Sometimes that’s a 40 minute burpee session, other times it’s a 40 minute stair workout. She likes to make me swear & sweat. I like her for putting up with my snarky attitude. Win/Win.

Rest/Lift days are just that. If running is wearing me out, I’ll take a rest day. If I feel up to a weight lifting day, I’ll pop open my BodySpace app and get some dead lifts in.

I’m excited to see how this training schedule will work with my WeightWatchers. I’ve never actually lost weight on a running plan (EAT ALL THE FOODS) and it will be interesting to see if it can be done.

(I know it can but dude, running has the ability to make the best of us HANGRY, so yeah.)

Any races in your future?!

WW – Week 2

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 22:57:00 +0000

I’m still trying to figure out how I want to format these posts – so, things may change up weekly until I get it down but the information should stay relatively the same.

Week 2: November 3 -November 9

Original Weight:197.6 lbs

Week 2 Starting Weight: 195.2 lbs
Current Weight: 193 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: -2.2 lbs

Total weight loss: –4.6 lbs

*Current Goal: 183.7 lbs*
Ultimate Goal: 155 lbs

I am also going to add my measurements - just as another form of progress. I forgot to include them on last weeks post & I re-measured this morning just because, so this is a 2 weeks difference but my plan is to only update monthly.

	10/27/2014	11/10/2014	Change (+/-)
Hips:	44	43	-1 in
Waist:	34	33	-1 in
Bust:	39	39	0
Rt. Thigh:	27.5	27.5	0
Lt. Thigh:	27	27	0
Rt. Arm:	12.5	12.5	0
Lt. Arm:	12	12	0
Total loss:			-2 inches

I feel good about this past week. Although, right now when I get on the scale it doesn’t really feel like a loss. Since these pounds are ones I’ve lost once and have now regained, it doesn’t feel really that special as it did the first time. I can feel myself saying it doesn’t really matter, I shouldn’t have gained it back in the first place, and why even bother. Which is ridiculous. I made an active effort this week to clean up my food & consciously made good decisions, so I should be celebrating staying on track.

I’ve heard & read people knocking Weight Watchers because it doesn’t really teach you how to eat – it gives you points and you use them how you want. You want to spend 20 points on McDonald’s Angus Mushroom & Swiss Hamburger, go right on ahead. Sure, let’s add large fries for 14 points and just eat nothing for the rest of the day.

Technically, you can lose weight doing that. But I think those people who are using it in that way are setting themselves up for failure & really not interested in changing their life anyway. They want a quick fix & then it gives the program a bad name. You could probably say the same for other programs – Paleo, Atkins, etc. If you cheat the system, it’s probably not going to work long-term for you. You have to be willing to recognize & take responsibility for what you’re doing wrong and then figure out how you will overcome it.

Mine is my diet. I feel like I eat okay – which means I probably do not at all. I snack a lot and while I really do enjoy vegetables/fruits I’m more prone to reaching for a bag of chips than an apple. It seems more convenient and so much more satisfying.

So, I’m really trying to focus on cleaning up my diet so that this a sustainable change. I’m not going balls to the wall right away (that in the past has been a recipe for disaster). It’s just that once I reach my goal, I know I’m going to have to figure out how to maintain – and if I can work on that while I reach towards my goal, I think I will be in a much better place than that of complete restriction.

I actually had a Jack-in-the-Box burger & curly fries last week because I simply could not get them out of my head. I figured if I wanted them that bad, why not, so I did – and they were wonderful. I still managed to lose because the rest of my food for the week was mostly lean meats, vegetables & fruits. I’ve been working on not eye-balling things either. Like if I track a tbsp of peanut butter, it’s actually a tablespoon. It’s been a little eye-opening to me this past week in regards to my portions.

In fitness related news, I attended my orientation for Team Beef last night & officially started half-marathon training today! I’ll share more about that in a separate post later this week.

Also, if you’re not already following Holly from My Own Kind of Beautiful, check her out & give her some love. She’s a runner but is just starting weight lifting – and I can’t wait to see her progress!

The Best Possible Me

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 22:43:00 +0000

One of the things I’ve learned about myself in the past 6 weeks is that I stress eat. I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time. I mean, I know that I am eating I just don’t realize how much I’m eating.

Bluntly put - I have gained back what I had previously lost over the past couple of years with running & exercise. I’ve been able to maintain that weight loss but with the over-eating & the under-exercising, it crept up on me & while I will never equate my self-worth with the weight on the scale I do hate the feeling of sucking in while buttoning up my pants.

I think one of my biggest issues with actually losing weight is that I like myself. I look at my body and I’m proud of what it has done for me & what it continues to do for me. I have come a long way from the girl who couldn’t jog 30 feet without her heart flying from her chest. And then I think, why would I want to lose weight when I can enjoy my life just the way I am? I can run for miles, I can zip up my pants, I have wonderful friends & family – why can’t I enjoy that extra piece of cake? And so I do. And I never really lose weight. I go up & down within a 10 lb frame over a course of a couple months & I’ve really only learned how to maintain.

Well, until I un-learned it by stress-eating.

My problem is not moving more. I can settle into a routine & be good to go, my problem is what I eat & the amount of it that I eat. I’ve tried entering food into My Fitness Pal & while it is a wonderful tool & helped me see what I’m doing, it does not hold me accountable. I see I’ve lost 3 lbs, I think I need a treat for doing so, then I’m right back where I started.

I guess the whole you can’t out train a bad diet mantra is true. Sigh.

Before I had Lillie, I lost about 30 lbs doing Weight Watchers. I was successful because I was being held accountable by others (and because I was paying for it!) – this was before they rebooted the program with the different point system. I tried doing it right after the reboot (and right after Lillie) but my mind was so confused with the new & old system, I gave it up. Then, I found running and well, losing weight wasn’t at the top of my list because I was just focusing on establishing a running routine.

I received an email offering 50% off for 3 months with WW online. I signed up and have been on it for a week. I did really well the first part of the week, then the weekend & Halloween candy extravaganza happened. After my weigh-in this morning, I thought perhaps to hold myself even more accountable I should blog about it. While I’m sure this won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, I plan on posting every Monday where I’m at and what my plans/goals are for the week. And whatever I may be struggling with or thinking about.

I promise they all won’t be this long. Or…well, never mind I won’t promise that. I get wordy sometimes. (Clearly.)

So, here goes.

Week 1: October 27-November 2

Starting Weight: 197.6 lbs
Current Weight: 195.2 lbs
Weekly Weight Loss: -2.4 lbs

My ultimate goal weight is 155 lbs. I can recall being comfortable at the weight years ago & based on my height, it is a reasonable long term goal. However, that is a lot of weight to focus on, so I’ll be focusing on 5% of my body weight at a time (this is WW recommendation & to be honest, makes it a lot less scary.) I would really like to start my 30s (next August!) being the best possible version of myself I can be.

Current Goal Weight: 183.7 lbs

Once I reach this point, I’ll reward myself with something (not sure yet what, but it won’t be food) – likely a pair of shoes. Because, duh, shoes.

Next week, I’ll plan on laying out my training plan schedule (I have to figure it out) because I have a half-marathon I would like to ~~complete~~ kill at the end of January 2015.

Let’s Bullet Point!

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 22:01:00 +0000

It’s been a while, right?

I’ve had a lot going on and unfortunately, for my amazing followers, you’ve had to suffer as blogging was knocked down on my priority list. I know this must have been a terrible time for you. I sincerely apologize.

But, I’m starting re-prioritize (actually, I’m just organizing my time better) and am planning on getting back into the blogging world. I figured I’d start with a bullet point list of what’s currently going on with me and then follow-up those bullet points with posts over the next couple of weeks. Sounds peachy, don’t it?

We’ve started our own dirt work/contracting business!

And by we, I mean my husband does all the actual work & I’m figuring out all the behind-the-scenes stuff. It’s been interesting. I didn’t talk about it much (or maybe not at all) but he quit his full-time job last December (by trade he is a plumber) and so over the course of this past year, this has just been the natural progression of things.
We lost Biscuit. I have at least two separate drafts dedicated to her that I haven’t been able to finish, I will get there eventually. She nestled her little wiry body into our hearts in a very short period of time & (hell, I’m tearing up right now) this was honestly the first animal I ever connected with so deeply. She was part of our family, she still is. I miss her very much.
I was in a play for our local community theatre! I used to do these regularly (prior to having my daughter) so this was the first one back, and it was wonderful. I was actually a theatre major my first semester in college and had plans to be an actress someday. Once I realized how much sacrifice and work goes into being a paid actress, I changed my major & settled with doing local theatre whenever I could to get my acting fix in.
I’ve been given the opportunity to join Team Beef! Per their website, “Texas Beef Team is a community of runners, triathletes and cyclists who recognize benefits of lean beef and the vital role high-quality protein plays in their training.” You have to apply and I applied when I first started running but was not accepted, so when their email came this go around I was jumping out of my skin excited. I have an orientation session November 9th to explain what is expected of me as a member of this team. I am really eager to see what 2015 brings me in terms of my fitness.
Speaking of fitness, I am still hitting the weights & can definitely tell a difference in my strength. As in, I can actually bench press more than the bar & feel like I’m not a complete amateur in the free weights section of the gym. I give credit to www.bodybuilding.com and their free phone app Bodyspace with giving me the tools to move past my insecurities and squat this shit out. I will continue to lift but will probably cut back to make room for a little more running in 2015. I petered out after my marathon in April & haven’t quite figured out where to focus my energy but I’m ready to make some PRs (Personal Records) in my 5k, 10k and half times. Like I said, eager to see where 2015 brings me.
And lastly, Lillie is basically an adult now. At the very least, she’s a card carrying princess. I mean, look at her. It’s hard to believe she’ll be 4 years old in the next couple of weeks.
Well, I end this post here & I’ll do a more detailed recap on some of the things I mentioned. Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween tomorrow evening!

Why She Stayed

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 18:19:00 +0000

What I’m about to share is a part of my story, a part of my life and is only told from my perspective. One thing I’ve learned is there is always two sides to a story and so I do not pretend to know everything that took place to lead to this ending.

I’m not really into sports. Like, I know the fundamentals but I don’t make it a point to watch them on television so any kind of sports commentary is quickly skimmed over and placed in the waste receptacle in the back of my brain. After all, I have to make room for training plans and dinner ideas for a 3 year old and which shoes to buy to annoy my husband. You know, important things.

So, when Ray Rice, a football player for the Baltimore Ravens, was indicted for aggravated assault towards his fiancé (now wife) in March of this year – I didn’t hear about it. I simply don’t recall anything about it on the news – now, that could be because I’m sports deaf or it could be because it just wasn’t that big of a deal to the news media because he’s you know, a famous football player and his fiancé was not.

But now it has become a big deal - because a video of the assault has surfaced. You can view it by clicking here. If you haven’t seen it, or really aren’t interested, Ray punches her (Janay) in the face hard enough to knock her unconscious and drags her body out of the elevator (security cameras caught this). It’s domestic violence. Straight-up.

I’ve talked a bit about my mother in past posts, she is an amazing person whose positive outlook on life would never let you know that she was a victim of domestic violence. Sure, you could probably tell by the bruises, the black eyes, the scratch marks if you wanted to see those things but most people didn’t. But I saw them, I saw them every day of the week – I dreaded the weekends (when things were more likely to escalate) growing up and I did everything I could to never be home. I was really fortunate to have a couple of great friends with wonderful parents who did their best to protect me and my siblings, but they could only do so much.

I was 9 the first time I saw him hit her. I did what I was taught in school – I called 911. She cried for me not too because it would make it worse. I never thought it could be worse than that. It was explained to me that sometimes adults fight – she was my mom and why would she lie to me, so I just said okay. This was in the early stages of their relationship, we lived close to our family, and these “occurrences” were very spaced out. To a 9 year old who knows very little about the world, I took what my mother and he said and tucked it away. Sometimes adults fight. Big deal.

But then we moved. We moved to a city where all of his family lived and none of ours did – and things got worse. The violence became not only more frequent but more vicious , the blood splatter across the carpet became increasingly difficult to clean and the more I ventured out and witnessed my friends’ parents relationship I became more and more ashamed of my home life. I didn’t want any of my friends to know what was happening, so I would lie and say I wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers. I never knew when a fight was coming and couldn’t risk it. That was, until my mom promised me for my 13th birthday she would make sure he wasn’t around so I could have one of those coveted middle school sleepovers I had only every participated in but never hosted.

I invited friends, we rented scary movies, and holed up in my living room – I felt normal and happy. We had all went bowling earlier and hopped up on Surge and cake. But then he came home. And he was drunk. And she was insistent he leave (full disclosure, she too had been drinking) because she had promised me he wouldn’t be around. He got mad, lashed out and I was standing there screaming at them to stop.

They didn’t. They never stopped. I don’t know why I thought this night would be any different.

He drug her by the hair into the kitchen and one of my friends called the police while I begged them all not to say anything to anyone. I tried to play it cool but that’s really kind of hard when the police officer comes to your front door and knows you by name - not because someone told him but because he had been there enough times to remember. And then, you know, you have to sit in his police cruiser filling out a police report of what happened on your 13th birthday while your friends called their parents to come pick them up.

At school on Monday, I vividly remember sitting in the library at a table for four and some girl I didn’t really know leaned over and said, “So, your dad beats your mom”. I quickly cleared up the fact that he was not my dad but then what else do you say to that other than, “Yes, it happened.” And then silently think to yourself as you watch the look of pity and disgust come across someone else’s face and think, “Wow, my mom is one of those women.”

I hated that she thought she wasn’t more, I hated that she allowed this to take place in front of us – that we weren’t enough for her to leave, but mostly I just hated. I can’t tell you the number of times I researched safe homes, was offered a place to stay for all of us, and then told my mom we could do this, we could get away. She would dismiss it with a wave of her hand as if to say, “Silly girl. You don’t know.”

She was right, I didn’t know. I had no idea what she thought he was capable of but there was one time she answered. They just had a fight, her face was swollen but no blood this time – although, I could tell her cheek would be bruised in the morning – she sat next to me on the bed and apologized. I was 11.

She apologized for screaming my name while he hit her, she apologized for the fact that he ripped the phone out of the wall so I couldn’t call the police to help, she apologized for him and as we went through what was now a routine apology, I asked again - “Mom, why don’t we leave?”

And she turned her head slowly, looked me straight into my eyes and said, “Because he will kill me.”

And two years later, if he hadn’t been too drunk/high to take the gun off of safety – she would have. Instead, she shot him. Years of abuse and she was finally free of him. It cost her children, it cost her freedom, it cost her name – but nearly 5 years later she was finally released from prison after being charged with manslaughter.

I don’t know exactly what happened that night. We were lucky enough to be visiting with family in Texas when the phone call came in that Mom was in jail and he was dead. I’ve never pushed Mom to explain in detail one of the most terrifying nights of her life, although she has shared bits of it over the years with me. But there’s one thing I do know – she stayed with him because she was scared for her life.

She wasn’t strong enough – and a lot of that has to do with her own childhood. Things I learned later on as an adult. Things I won’t share because those are not part of my experience. But they are things that help me piece together why I wasn’t enough for her to leave. On why it’s not as easy as just getting up and going when it comes to domestic abuse (verbal or non-verbal). There is so much more to it than anyone can know.

No one, man or woman, deserves to be abused. I’ve shared with you one story of many I have growing up witnessing domestic violence – and there were times when my mom fought back. He would be the one to wake up with a bruised eye or swollen lip.

So, Ray Rice beat his fiancé. She’s now his wife. People can’t understand why she’d choose to be with him after that and so they make assumptions.

She’s only with him because he’s rich.
She must be really stupid.
If she’s sticking around, she deserves it.

I can’t pretend to know what their relationship dynamic looks like, I just have my own perspective into this world – and having a little empathy/sympathy can go a long way in helping people find their way. Whether that way is to overcoming anger issues by counseling (which they have been involved in & I hope it works for them) or whether that way is packing it up and leaving – just be a human being and acknowledge each other for what you are and for what you hope to be – someone who is capable, who is beautiful, who is strong.

Roasted Asparagus with Mushrooms

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Fri, 29 Aug 2014 22:25:00 +0000

I’m trying to hit 5 new recipes for the month of August – this one is my third. I have a couple days left to hit two more, so wish me luck!

New Recipe 1: Spinach Mushroom Chicken Enchiladas
New Recipe 2: Easy (chick)Peasy Artichoke Salad

Just as in the other two recipes, I’ll outline the pinspiration in black and then my changes/substitutions/notes in red.

Roasted Asparagus with Mushrooms

The inspiration came from this pin (which admittedly looks much better than my iPhone concoction that you’ll see at the end of the post) and the original recipe is found on Food.com (or click here).

Ingredients:

1 1/4 lbs medium asparagus, tough stem ends trimmed
1/2 lb medium white button mushrooms, stemmed & quartered (I had a 10 oz package of Bella Mushrooms already sliced I picked up because I have an infatuation with them but white button mushrooms would have been super yummy as well)
2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
salt & pepper to taste (I also sprinkled with garlic and onion powder)
2-3 tsp balsamic vinegar or 2-3 tsp sherry wine vinegar (I had neither of those things, but I found some red wine vinegar in my cabinet, cooking win!)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425°.
In a non-stick baking sheet with sides (I actually always cover mine in aluminum foil when roasting things because I think they brown better), toss the asparagus and mushrooms with the oil and season with salt and pepper. (And onion/garlic powder.)
Spread vegetables in a single layer. (Or as close as possible, I didn’t quite do this and missed out on some good browning of the asparagus)
Roast for 10 minutes or until the vegetables are tender and browned, turning once or twice. (I was in the middle of getting the kid ready for bed, so I think they stayed in for 20 minutes and were never turned. #reallife)
Place vegetables on serving platter. (hahahahahahahaha)
Sprinkle vegetables with (red wine) vinegar and toss gently to combine.
Season with additional salt and pepper as desired. (We didn’t feel like we needed too.)
Serve warm or at room temperature. (We were hangry, so they were served hot.)
Makes 4 servings.

Overall, this was a really yummy, quick and easy side dish. I would definitely make it again, although I would make sure everything is in a single layer to get that slightly burned/roasted flavor & coloring that I like on my veggies. Alfred really liked the flavor and I will probably try the balsamic vinegar next time I make it, just to see what the difference in flavor is for the two.

I made honey & mustard boneless pork chop with it and then some Kraft Ranch Pasta salad (husband’s favorite). It all paired up really well and actually, the pork chop was a new recipe for me but I was so focused on the asparagus and mushroom I didn’t make any notes on it. LIFE WINNER.

Any new recipes in your life lately?

Little Things

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 27 Aug 2014 21:56:00 +0000

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If you’re new here, this link-up is every Wednesday (until the 30 weeks are up). It’s based off these two articles – here and here. You are welcome to take the points in any direction you choose, what I go off of is only something to get the ol’ brain ticking. Original post is here.

I hope you’ll join me!

Previous posts: Week 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14,15, 16, 17, 18,19, 20 & 21.

Week 22

Appreciating the Small Things
What are some small things you are grateful for?

9 years ago I married my husband. Total years we’ve been together 13. I’ve almost had him in my life longer than I haven’t had in him my life – we started dating when I was 16. Such babies.

I won’t pretend and say our life together has been picture perfect, there has been fights, accusations & lies directed towards/at each other but I would still say we have a very happy marriage. The ups we have had very much outweigh and outnumber the downs we have. I think the one constant that has helped us is being appreciative of what the other person brings into our marriage.

Alfred is one of the most driven people I know and he knows how to push to get what he wants – I, on the other hand, am much more laidback, go with the flow. The balance this not only plays in our marriage but in other aspects of our life is something we had to get used to but once we did, it’s helped me push for more out of my life and allowed him to pull the reins in once in a while and just enjoy life.

It’s the little things in life that can either prop you up or push you down, most of the time you don’t even realize it until it’s too late and an argument has began. I try really hard to make sure he knows I appreciate all the things he does & I feel like he does it with me as well.

Example 1: Even though it’s Alfred’s “job” to take out the trash, I still tell him thank you every time he does it (even if there is some prodding on my part) and whenever I make dinner, the first thing out of his mouth after the first bite is shoved in is thank you.

Example 2: Running is not Alfred’s thing. But he’s supportive and will come to support me in my races even though he basically just sits there and watches sweaty people jump up & down and apply band-aids to places people shouldn’t have to apply band-aids too. Farming is his thing, he grew up with it, so I’m clueless in that aspect & am only vaguely interested most of the time but I make sure to acknowledge what’s going on his world so we can talk about it whenever he’s had a rough day.

This lined up pretty well with it being our anniversary and the weekly writing prompt. One might think I planned it that way, but one would be wrong.

In any case, here’s to 9 years of all the small things he’s done for me that he didn’t have to do but I’m totally glad he did. Hopefully I can squeeze at least 9 more out of him. I think I got it.

What small things in your life do you appreciate?

Runners Tell All: What is your training routine?

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 21 Aug 2014 14:54:00 +0000

I decided to do something crazy. Something wild. Something insane.
I’m sponsoring this month’s Runners Tell All! I know, cuh-razy, but I figured in honor of my birthday month (no shame in shouting out my own birthday – it’s this Saturday by the way) I’d step a little out of my blogging comfort zone. Life is good when you’re about to be twenty-fine (not a typo), so let’s get started!

Training Routine.

This prompt couldn’t have come at a better time seeing as I just started training for my fall races last week. I mostly took off from running over the summer because I had a non-fractured foot that was healing and wanted to try my hand at weight lifting.
For the past two years I’ve really enjoyed learning to love the run itself and haven’t been crazy interested in getting faster. But then my marathon happened (or didn’t happen) and I know if I would have been faster I would have completed the race – so I’ve decided to start from the bottom up. That 5k time is going down this fall.

Like all of you, I have a busy life - working full-time, being a mother to an incredibly awesome 3 year old and a wife to a very studly 31 year old – so in order to get my workouts in my best option is my lunch hour. It’s not for everyone but I work in Higher Education and have the luxury of free access to the gym. It’s literally a 2 minute walk from my office. My excuses are limited. Le sigh.

Today, I wanted to share with you a few of my training routine tips that help me get in and out of the gym in less than an hour and still looking somewhat presentable.

Pack your bag. I (really try to) pack my gym back the night before and put it in my truck – that way the excuse “I don’t have my stuff” won’t technically work. Especially when my mind is telling me I should take a nap in my truck instead. (For the record, lunch hour quickie naps are the best.)

If you’re able, I would recommend renting a locker so you don’t have to tote a ton of stuff every day. You can keep your essentials in there. A few things in mine are: deodorant, blow dryer (with a cool setting), dry shampoo, and extra hair ties/bobby pins. I also keep out my printed workout sheets as a fall-back plan (see #1) in a little pile that I can pull from if need be.

Things in my gym bag: clean dry underwear.

I don’t know about you but I sweat like a chicken in a deep fry competition and to combat that, I need some clean panties. I just can’t get behind butt-sweat. (See what I did there! ha!)

Other essentials in my bag: gym clothes, tennis shoes, O2 Gold, body wipes, towel, headphones, make-up bag.
Plan your workout. I can’t stress this enough – know exactly what you’re wanting to do when you get to the gym so you don’t waste time wandering around wishing you were eating enchiladas instead. I usually write down my plan of attack on a small piece of paper or put it in the notes section of my phone.

Also, have a small inkling of a back-up plan in case the equipment you need is full or out-of-order. For me, the first few weeks of the new semester the gym is packed with all the new incoming students wanting to look fly,and I plan accordingly. Treadmills all taken? No worries, I’ll hit up the stair master.

Since I work so close to my gym, travel time isn’t usually taken into account, but I can generally get a solid 40 minute workout in – with the other 20 minutes spent on changing into and out of my gym clothes.
Shower or No Shower? Um, can I be real with you guys? I totally don’t take a shower after every workout. Sometimes I’m just not that sweaty to justify wasting 5 minutes rinsing off that could be better spent towards running an extra half mile.

On those non-shower days, I wipe myself down with a body wipe, apply deodorant, & body spray and BAM, smelling like an artificial rose in no time. On days when I look like this after my workout,

there’s just no way around it despite my best efforts.
Looking Presentable. I keep a blow dryer in my locker that has a cool setting on it (because let’s face it, I ain’t about to blast my body with HOT air after a speed session) and try to wrangle this hair situation I have. Sometimes my hair will have mercy on me and I can go for the beach wave look afterwards and let it dry naturally – most times, it goes in a braid or a bun.

For make-up, my face usually stays pretty red for about 20 minutes after a workout, so I’ll throw some powder on, fix any smudged eyeliner or mascara and add some lip gloss. Boom. Nailed it.

I think the best tip I can give you is to keep it simple as possible. The more extras you throw in there, the less time you have to murder that workout.

Oh and I almost forgot to mention this month’s giveaway!

Beka is super adorable, am I right or am I right?

You can win an Under Armour Tank Top (fitted heat gear, size large) and headband just by following the prompts below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Now, your turn! Tell us about your training routine by linking up below.

Just Breathe

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 20 Aug 2014 20:30:00 +0000

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Week 21!

Just Breathe
When you are busy how do you handle yourself?
Do you force yourself to take breaks or do you push through?

Whenever I’m in go-mode, I’m all for pushing through. I don’t want to stop until it’s done and sometimes that can leave me really frustrated. Like, yelling at nothing frustrated. It’s actually pretty embarrassing and has probably only been witnessed by other people a handful of times – at least one of those times at the gym when I simply couldn’t get my body to do what I thought it should. I’m also a crier, so yay for double the embarrassment!

As I’ve grown older I’ve learned that sometimes stepping away from something particularly stressful for even a few moments can help put a new perspective on things. Even if it’s a quick let me close my eyes for 15 minutes while I breathe deeply and try my hardest not to pull my hair out. I think for the most part I have a handle on my frustrations whenever I can see what the cause of them are. More often than I really care to admit (but I will because, uh, blog life, yo) it’s because of something I failed to do. I didn’t wake up 10 minutes earlier because I was being lazy or I should have gotten gas last night when the reminder light came on and I had time to do so.

It sucks major balls to recognize that your frustrations are typically your fault and not someone else’s. Sometimes I just want to blame the world for my problems but the only one who can be the issuer of my own happiness, my own calm, is me. Ugh, self-reflection, am I right folks?

Your turn! Tell me how you handle stressful situations!

Easy (chick)Peasy Artichoke Salad

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 12:43:00 +0000

I was going through my pantry trying to find something interesting to add to our dinner and I came across a can of Garbanzo (Chickpea) beans and a can of artichoke hearts – my initial reaction was “put them back on the shelf and grab a box of Velveeta Shells & Cheese” but since I’ve been actively trying to eat better I thought I should hit up Pinterest to see if these two items would even go together.

Lucky for my pantry (and taste buds!) – they do!

This will be my 2nd new recipe for the month (one of my August goals is to hit 5!) I’ll do the same as I did with the first recipe (Spinach Mushroom Chicken Enchiladas) and post the original recipe and then add my own tweaks in red font.

Photo courtesy of my terrible iPhone – maybe one day I’ll make an effort.

Original post is here.

Ingredients

1 tbsp olive oil (I actually used 2 tbsp, divided)
1 (15 ounce) can chickpeas, drained & rinsed well (they’re also known as Garbanzo beans)
5 to 7 artichoke hearts, drained & sliced lengthwise (I used canned artichoke hearts that were already quartered and I rinsed them)
~~1/4 cup sliced almonds, toasted if desired~~ (I didn’t have any on hand)
1 teaspoon lemon juice (No lemon juice on hand – substituted with lime juice)
1/4 tsp salt
2 tbsp fresh chopped parsley (Substituted 1 tsp dried Italian seasoning – probably could have added more)
3 cloves garlic, minced – I add garlic to nearly everything.

Directions

Heat (1 tbsp) oil in a seasoned wok or cast-iron skillet (I just used a plain ol’ skillet). Sauté garlic for 1 minute. Add the chickpeas and cook on medium-high heat for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent burning, until golden brown all over. (I was helping Lillie color Barbie while cooking so I think they were actually on for 15 minutes). When done, put in a large mixing bowl and set aside. (My bowl was not large. It was husky and beautiful.)
Add more oil (1 tbsp) to the pan and cook the sliced artichoke hearts until browned (between 10-15 minutes for me). Add them to the bowl of chickpeas.
Toast the almonds in a dry skillet & then grind in a food processor. (I didn’t do this part) Add the almonds to the artichokes and chickpeas. Season the salad with ~~lemon~~ (lime) juice and salt, stir in chopped parsley (or dried seasoning). Serve warm or at room temperature.

Nutrition facts from the original post aren’t listed so here is what I got when I plugged it into My Fitness Pal (MFP).

I split it up into 4 portions but they’re small portions – this could easily be 1 serving if you were wanting to eat it for like lunch. (The site I got the recipe from actually said the same thing.) I also made meatballs, mashed potatoes & canned peas with this.

Alfred really enjoyed this – he said it was kind of tangy (artichoke hearts) and was something he would like having again in the future. I agreed. Lillie (as usual) insisted she didn’t like it before she even tried it.

In our house I never force her to eat anything she doesn’t like but she does have to try at least one bite. She’s actually really good about it and only sighs in disgust every 2 out of 3 times. I often have her try things multiple times because I’m pretty sure that stubborn bone she gets from her Dad makes her insist she doesn’t like something (even though she does) just to prove to me she was right.

She tried it, said she didn’t like it, so I told her to just leave it on her plate and eat around it. She ate all the chickpeas after I left her alone, so guess her taste buds liked it just fine even if her eyes didn’t.

Any requests/ideas on what to try for my 3rd new recipe of the month? I’m not picky and always open to new things!

Listen to Your Heart

noreply@blogger.com (Tamara) — Wed, 13 Aug 2014 11:00:00 +0000

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Week 20!

Listen To Your Heart
Do you believe in intuition? If you’re a Christian (in any capacity) do you believe that little voice is God warning you about something? Do you truly listen to your heart when it speaks?

I do believe that little voice, that moment of clarity, is often God talking to us – it’s just up to us if we’re going to listen. I also think that voice is sometimes imitated by Satan and it can be really hard to decipher between the two when you’re battling something within yourself. What seems to work for me is picturing the outcome – am I going to hurt myself or others? If so, will it be worth it in the long haul? Will I be proud of my decision at the end of the day? Will I still be someone my daughter will be proud to call a mother?

Answering the questions truthfully through prayer have helped given me insight into the type of person I want to be. I want to be the person who listens. Not just to people’s words but to their actions and also through mine. Sometimes it’s really hard and all I really think I want to do is go through the action of living, because it seems easier. It’s hard being there for someone when you don’t know how to be there for yourself, how to listen to your self, to your inner voice, to your intuition, to God.

Do what you know in your heart is right and the rest will follow.