I feel like I’ve brought this topic of what I envision this space to be A LOT over the past year especially. I know I said I’d start this week with a bunch of posts about lessons I’ve learned in my 20s, and those will start tomorrow. As I’ve mentioned at least one million times before, I’m a long time reader of Jess’ blog, Makeunder My Life. I even had her contribute to my happy lists (which I will start back up soonish). Roughly a week ago, she wrote a post where she listed real life things that show her humanness and don’t leave us all thinking she’s this perfect human being, which in all honesty is sorely missing from the internet.

Then Ez from Creature Comforts picked up on it and set a challenge to everyone to participate on Friday to contribute your own personal stories of things you’re afraid to tell your audience. I knew I wanted to participate but then I started thinking, “well who exactly is my audience?” I know I’ve been blogging for quite some time, but I have no clue who many of you who do stop by actually are. I guess this challenge becomes a bit easier for me than others where I can feel a bit more at ease to share. So here goes…

Although I try to fight it, I sometimes get extremely jealous of other blogger turn designers turn overnight sensations. Or any combination thereof. I don’t dwell on it at all. Most times I’m not even thinking about it. But when it does creep into my brain? Maaaaan, not a good time. I wonder why they seem so “accepted” by the internets. I think a lot of this has to do with my wanting to be farther ahead than I am with business endeavors. I’m human and I deflect and it’s not cool, but it’s real. I know what’s mine is in my grasp, but patience is a teacher if there ever was one.

I also wish I had gone to school for writing. One of my deepest passions is writing. I should be published already. But what have I written? I mean I’ve written things, things I don’t share. I’m definitely growing out of not wanting to share, to at least wanting to write things I’m unafraid to share. I did go to school for Advertising, but that was only because I wanted to do writing I knew I would be paid for. Then I ‘womaned’ up in my senior year and did what I wanted to do.

I’ve had a fairly tough time bonding and fully relating to people living here. I am a very extremely race-conscious woman. I think sometimes it’s a bit too much for people, but if I hid that, I wouldn’t be true to myself and I would just forge surface relationship after surface relationship. I’m not interested in that. Not in the slightest.

In my mental and emotional transition of acceptance that I now live in Amsterdam, I really hated it with all my heart because I felt like I was in the belly of the beast. I started learning at a rapid pace all of the other ways the Dutch were involved in the world at large and just knowing I was laying my head to rest in the heart of the transatlantic slave trade is enough to make me more than uneasy. I’ve since found my own ways to deal with the reality, and recognize the only thing I can do to change it is to leave. Some things you accept (and try not to focus on) and others you change.

I’ve spoken about this before, but the idea of relying on my husband to provide for us really weighed heavy on my ego. I am not used to relying on anyone for my basic day to day and beyond. I think I’ve made my first year of marriage hard for me emotionally as a result.

I am entirely baby crazed. I sometimes think it’s unhealthy. I do worry about it being difficult to conceive. Not something I’m comfortable sharing still, and I have no logical reason to fear it but I do. As bad as I want some little bambinos, I know in my heart of hearts I’m not ready. I even find myself being a bit envious of all the new mamas and preggo mamas in blogland and facebook and everywhere. My only solace is that I know what kind of shape I want to be in well before kiddos enter the picture and I’m definitely not there yet.

I always feel like I should be upfront and question where are all the bloggers of color that aren’t just talking about makeup/natural hair/afrocentric crafts, but I never do. Well, I guess I just did? Harking on that as well, I also wonder where are all the expat bloggers of color? Where are you people???? I can’t be the only one who isn’t just talking about my experience living in a foreign land, but just talking about life in general. SHOW THYSELF! Please?

I have always felt like there is this mostly innocent pressure placed on me by those who know me or think they know me that I should always be totally inspiring and super adult and serious and insightful and successful but feel like I’m never really asked if I need help. I guess I feel like I’m hardly reached out to in general. That’s one thing I’ve always struggled with and it sort of blew up in my face during my wedding planning (something I think I’m still working on getting over to be honest…18 months later).

Well, I’ve think I’ve put myself all the way out there enough for one day. I’ll share more another time. I think it’s important for us to stop pretending our lives are perfect and then only mentioning in 2 sentences “you know, life isn’t always pretty”. I think it’s not only good but important to show the ugly, the awkward, the uncomfortable, the honest because none of us are perfect. We don’t all have the luxury of having doctors and high powered lawyers and whatever else for spouses so we can do what we want. Our homes aren’t always immaculate. We don’t all have our dining tables perfectly dressed, just waiting on perfectly dressed guests to arrive and have our cameras out to catch people being “natural” in our perfectly lit homes. That’s not life, that’s an editorial shoot.

These are some of the things I’m afraid to tell you. I really hope you’ll participate and share some of your secrets as well. Let’s be human, together.

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>                              I feel like I’ve brought this topic of what I envision this space to be A LOT over the past year especially. I know I said I’d start this week with a bunch of posts about lessons I’ve learned in [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/07/what-ive-learned-things-im-afraid-to-tell-you/feed/4http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/07/what-ive-learned-things-im-afraid-to-tell-you/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=what-ive-learned-things-im-afraid-to-tell-youhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/51u4yhtTt8I/hello 30what i've learnedSherisaWed, 02 May 2012 01:35:29 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5330Inspired by Sarah at Fairytales are True, I’ve decided to start a short little series about my 20s. I find hers interesting because so far the guest posters are all still in their 20s. Yes, I may only be 30 (as opposed to being well into my 30s) but I think it would be good for me to reflect on the decade now that I’m outside of it. I have the entire 10 years to think about.

I’m not exactly sure how I’ll be posting these thoughts, but I think next week there might be a bunch of tales and lessons and things of that sort, especially since chances are I won’t have most posting time available because MY MOMMY WILL BE IN TOWN!! Yay!

In the meantime, I really want to kick this off by sharing this poem my beautiful friend Aja Monet wrote and performed in collaboration with Camovement, filmed at The Nuyorican Poets Cafe. Enjoy.

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>Inspired by Sarah at Fairytales are True, I’ve decided to start a short little series about my 20s. I find hers interesting because so far the guest posters are all still in their 20s. Yes, I may only be 30 (as opposed to being well into my 30s) but I think it would be good [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/02/what-ive-learned/feed/0http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/02/what-ive-learned/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=what-ive-learnedhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/rcU3S8jEWiQ/biz talk :: back to basicsSherisaTue, 01 May 2012 03:28:21 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5340Happy May Day!

I’ve been struggling with the concept of routine for the longest while. I like having a routine to help map out important things that need to be done, but I’ve become so lax at it since moving here since I didn’t have an office I needed to report to, that there’s just little organization all around.

No good.

So in an effort to remedy that, I just set up a fairly rough but tight schedule for myself in my iCal:

Time to hold myself accountable. I really have to split my weeks up into 3 major parts: writing, blogging and jewelry. From now on I’ll start my mornings with 7:30 am exercise of some sort. I have a Wii that my husband bought me and I’ve used literally about 7 times in over a year. For shame! My body is definitely not in the shape it should be so I need to stop playing myself and get fit.

Obviously this calendar will change from time to time as I have different things come up: freelancing, outside appointments, etc. but it should still allow for a substantial amount of time overall each week to devote to my 3 biggest priorities. I’ll be expanding on this topic in the future.

I can’t believe we’re five months into the year already. Time really just whizzes by. I have a lot to talk about this week and I wasn’t around yesterday because it was Queensday here in Holland, so lots to catch you up on.

How was your weekend? Have you made a schedule for yourself? How did it work out for you? Let me know what you’ve done and how it works or (hasn’t worked) for you in the comments section. 

**PS the contest is closed and I’ll contact Elle and Melissa with your prizes!

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>Happy May Day! I’ve been struggling with the concept of routine for the longest while. I like having a routine to help map out important things that need to be done, but I’ve become so lax at it since moving here since I didn’t have an office I needed to report to, that there’s just [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/01/biz-talk-organization-is-the-key-to-happiness/feed/3http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/05/01/biz-talk-organization-is-the-key-to-happiness/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=biz-talk-organization-is-the-key-to-happinesshttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/pXZffXAy-IE/'til mondaybiz talk :: back to basicsnew surroundingsour familyamsterdamlelephantroseSherisaFri, 27 Apr 2012 02:15:53 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5325So, I’ve been writing this blog on and off since 2008 and I’ve been awfully curious, sometimes to my detriment, about exactly who is my audience. My goal is a simple one and comes with a delightful little conclusion if you’re up for it.

In the comments section, tell me you are.
This will only count in the comments section.  Not via facebook, email or twitter.

Where are you from? What do you like reading about on this blog? How long have you been reading? What can I do to improve this space content wise?

A blog is nothing without an audience and while mine is fairly quiet, I want to change that.
I’ve had ideas for things I want to talk about for the longest while, but just haven’t had the right kind of focus. That’s all changing.

For a long time I’ve thought about what exactly I want this blog to be. Plus I think I read way too much ProBlogger. At any rate, while this is turning into more and more a blog about my life, I still want this to be a space that’s helpful and community like. Feel me? So there you have it kiddies. Nothing too difficult.

So let’s get chatty.

In other awesome but unrelated news, today my sweet little prince Pixel turns 1!! We’re going to buy him a laser and teddy bear later on today and hopefully some sort of cat cupcake or something to celebrate his birthday. I already fed him his fancy tuna and mango breakfast. He is so spoiled.

As far as the giveaway goes, all you have to do is leave a comment and on by Monday and I will choose a winner with the random generator on Tuesday. To make this juicy, the first person to comment automatically wins and the second person will be selected randomly by the generator. But answering my questions above is key.

This is going to be a long weekend in Amsterdam with Queensday weekend and my all day sewing class, so I’ll be back on Tuesday with some wrap ups and chatter and a winner!

Have a most fantastical weekend my loves!

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>So, I’ve been writing this blog on and off since 2008 and I’ve been awfully curious, sometimes to my detriment, about exactly who is my audience. My goal is a simple one and comes with a delightful little conclusion if you’re up for it. In the comments section, tell me you are. This will only [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/27/i-want-to-know-who-you-are-plus-a-giveaway/feed/4http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/27/i-want-to-know-who-you-are-plus-a-giveaway/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=i-want-to-know-who-you-are-plus-a-giveawayhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/9btC_RHJg-U/new surroundingsamsterdambrooklynExpatlelephantroseSherisaThu, 26 Apr 2012 01:00:30 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5303

Without question, living in Amsterdam is nothing like living in Brooklyn. For one, there’s much more water here. More green, too. The buildings are lower and mostly the same height for as far as the eye can see. There are tram lines and bike lanes built into the roads. Just about all sidewalk (and some roads) are laid stone. Cars are smaller, people are smaller (but much taller).

So on the surface the two aren’t that alike. Then you look at other things. Basically Brooklyn is Amsterdam 2.0 if you look at the structure of some buildings in Brooklyn. Sometimes I walk the streets here and I feel like I’m back home. It’s comforting.

One major difference that you can’t really feel until you’ve been living here for longer than a vacation is this incredible feeling of ease. Dutch quality of life surpasses the US far and wide. Yes, there’s plenty to get used to. Some things you won’t ever get used to, which is fine. But the general feeling that things are just not as bad here definitely washes over you after a while. Disregarding the stresses of moving and that awkward adjustment period that can feel like forever, once you’ve settled—I’ll say 13 months or more in—you definitely can bask in it.

At the top of my list for major game changers: affordable mandatory full health insurance. What is there in that to not love? I’ve been covered since January, visited a few times for checkups and I’m thoroughly pleased. I have my general practitioner, OB-GYN, dentist and my out of pocket costs have literally been less than €20. Since January.  On the topic of health, I also greatly enjoy bike riding. That’s something I really learned here. Two falls and one major scar later, it’s my preferred mode of transportation. It makes me want to actually bike ride in other countries. We’ll see if that happens though. The added bonus of lots of parks and general greenery coupled with all the canals and the Amstel River makes breathing a lot easier. I have needed very little medication for my allergies and sinuses since living here.

I’ve been able to really pursue my goal of becoming a writer here in a way I personally didn’t feel comfortable doing in New York. That may have more to do with me than with Amsterdam, but I do feel that it’s a credit to the energy of Amsterdam. I feel like I have less fear living here. I don’t know if that translates well, but I’ve had the tendency to hold myself back when the pond I’m in is over saturated. Here, I feel the exact opposite and it’s giving me the chance to take risks I’ve been wanting to take for years that I didn’t exactly know how to then.

There’s a real gift being able to live in a 3-in-1 city. I see Amsterdam as part super metropolitan/part very residential/part nature. I never had that in Brooklyn. I’m sure I could’ve had it by traveling quite a bit, but how much exactly? My commute to every job I’ve had in Manhattan took on average 90 minutes one way. In 90 minutes, I can be in the south of this country. I really dig that I don’t feel like I’m in the thick of busy city life living in the capitol. When I want that feeling, it’s only 20 minutes away at most.

The concept of time has started to affect me. I now see a 90 minute trip as long instead of necessary. Not always, because if I’m traveling to another country, I get that I’ll be on a train for 3+ hours and it seems super quick. In the same vein, a born and bred walking New Yorker now prefers to bike everywhere. It annoys me to think about how much longer it takes to walk someplace. Bike riding at first was extremely painful, mainly because I stopped walking as much and couped myself up in the house. Then there’s getting over distance riding. Going up and down hills. Once my leg muscles toned up I’ve been good to go. The idea that something is “just down the road” feels quite literal, now.

Every other corner feels like a postcard photo op. I love living here.

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>Without question, living in Amsterdam is nothing like living in Brooklyn. For one, there’s much more water here. More green, too. The buildings are lower and mostly the same height for as far as the eye can see. There are tram lines and bike lanes built into the roads. Just about all sidewalk (and some [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/26/ny-to-nl-quality-of-life-is-different-in-amsterdam/feed/2http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/26/ny-to-nl-quality-of-life-is-different-in-amsterdam/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ny-to-nl-quality-of-life-is-different-in-amsterdamhttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/9fFf84xohLA/new surroundingsamsterdamExpatSherisaTue, 24 Apr 2012 02:56:30 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5293As of last week, I’ve officially been living here for 18 months and in that time I’ve met a good amount of expats from all over but very few Black expats. It’s got me thinking: do we as a people just not venture as much anymore?

Coming from New York, most of the Black people I know aren’t native Americans and have come from all over the world. Or maybe it’s just Amsterdam? It doesn’t attract nearly as many as say the need to recreate the fantasy of Blacks in Paris? The make-up here is different, and while different is good, great even it is important to have a cultural connection to someone without verbal communication.

I feel sometimes like an anomaly.

I know there is a community out there somewhere. I just haven’t found them yet.

I do have 3 Black American friends and I’m finding that most recent friendships are with people living in other European countries. Odd.

I have also been making a slight effort to meet other blogger expats which has been good and interesting but even that has me thinking. I moved here, married with the intention of settling down for the foreseeable future. Other people come here for education primarily or as a stint of experience in their early or mid 20s.

I definitely think I am still in the phase of seeing this city through my husband’s eyes with my own opinions forming slower than it would have had I come here on my own. I’m not against it, because in ways it has been a serious time saver but I don’t consider myself having a full on expat experience. Maybe with even more time this will change, but for now this is how I feel.

This is on my mind because after last week, I realized I don’t have my own little secret pockets in Amsterdam yet. I have very few personal gems to share with friends visiting and I need to change that. This week I’m trying to plan my mom’s first trip to Amsterdam that’s happening next month and I’m going to be scouting out a bunch of things I just haven’t done or seen yet. I’m also in the middle of planning a quick surprise for her. Maybe by the end of her trip, I’ll have a bunch of my own little quiet spaces.

 

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>As of last week, I’ve officially been living here for 18 months and in that time I’ve met a good amount of expats from all over but very few Black expats. It’s got me thinking: do we as a people just not venture as much anymore? Coming from New York, most of the Black people [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/24/being-a-black-expat/feed/1http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/24/being-a-black-expat/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=being-a-black-expathttp://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LelephantRose/~3/4Wq8Lzj2Oj0/29 at 29hello 30new surroundingslelephantroseSherisaSat, 21 Apr 2012 11:38:53 PDThttp://www.lelephantrose.net/?p=5279When the idea for this post came to me, I wasn’t sure if I should make it business related or personal. I’ve decided to take a stab at making it both, but in two (or maybe more, you know how long winded I can be) posts. First I’ll tackle personal.

All of last week, my sweet friend Aja stayed here with us. For those that don’t know, she is an amazing accomplished poet. After a long series of “Have you read this?” and “Did you see this documentary?” and my answer repeatedly being “No”, I just started to think about how often I get revved up. Juiced with inspiration and then the moment passes and nothing comes of it. I’m trying my hardest to take a stand to cut that out NOW.

Hence today’s post. Something I pretty much never do, despite my wanting to start sharing stories on Saturdays.

No time like the present to break stupid habits of the past. I have been abundantly blessed these past few weeks and all the days of my life but particularly these few weeks to witness things. Warmth, live music, conversation, love. I’ve been so so so blessed. At the very top of that list and easily one of the top performances I’ve have the luxury of experiencing was Dwight Trible. Not only did he totally tell me I’m a good looking young woman, he literally reached on in and snatched up my soul. Danced with it, opened the heavens and let it rain on me. Such an outstanding, powerful performance. I think that was the start of my larger than usual spiritual opening up. Energy is through the stratosphere. Deal with it.

Last night I had a not so pleasant dream about someone I might have conjured up this week in private chats with Aja. But in some ways, as the day has progressed I am feeling much better about it. Happy about it because in some minute way, I don’t think I ever fully emotionally dealt with it. I have arrived at a new point and coupling this feeling with another friend of mine in Cali telling me she dreamed about me and the entire dream was calm and happy made me feel really good.

But on to being an inspiration junkie. Hi, I’m Sherisa and I really can be a hard core inspiration junkie. Instead of allowing all these ideas pop into my mind and fizzle, I’m taking the bull by the horns. The key to my success is going to being able to trust that others are willing to help me when needed and make these things come to fruition. Also, stopping to take a moment to write out my ideas in one book so I can go to it when something beacons me.

Right now one of my bigger priorities is getting this online project off the ground that I’ve been thinking about for the better part of a year and I plan to introduce this summer. It’s going to focus on history, race, culture and identity. After some conversations with friends this past week, I realized I’m basically creating in my own way the PhD dissertation I would write if I were to go back to school (another topic for another day. That is always something up in the air.) Why wait on money and sit in classes and write because I have to instead of wanting to when I can do that right this very second. This is also very much a part of what I feel in my soul as a some of my calling. And when I’ll need the help from you, my family, I’ll be certain to ask.

Another thing I want to mention is that I’m taking a day-long intensive sewing course with Jennelle next week Saturday. I’m really stoked about it because by the end of the day I’ll be re-introduced to the wonders of sewing and I’ll go buy a machine and start hopefully making my own clothes. Finally, something else from my 29 at 29 list that can help cross off a ton of items. See, I didn’t forget about it one bit.

writer and blogger. I share bits of my daily life here and do other fun things on and offline. If you like what you've been reading, you may want to subscribe via RSS or receive posts by email.

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]]>When the idea for this post came to me, I wasn’t sure if I should make it business related or personal. I’ve decided to take a stab at making it both, but in two (or maybe more, you know how long winded I can be) posts. First I’ll tackle personal. All of last week, my [...]http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/21/being-an-inspiration-junkie/feed/0http://www.lelephantrose.net/2012/04/21/being-an-inspiration-junkie/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=being-an-inspiration-junkie