tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84066279250488071952024-12-18T21:21:07.882-06:00Everything and Anything Worth Readingimufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-80445837619332476162013-01-24T18:05:00.001-06:002013-01-24T18:05:14.370-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> This was actually a very popular song. But the lyrics must be read VERY FAST for full effect.<br /> (without ANY mistakes or hesitations. So take a deep breath and enjoy! It can be found at The<br /> FORUM<br /> <a href="http://chapelhillherald.blogspot.com/">http://chapelhillherald.blogspot.com/</a><br /> <br /> <div id="post_message_15301712"> <u>I've Been Everywhere (In Texas) as recorded by Brian Burns</u><br />I was toting my pack along a dusty Amarillo road<br />when along came a semi with a high canvas-covered load<br />He said if you're going to Amarillo I'll give you a ride.<br />So I climbed up into the cab and I settled down inside.<br />He asked me if I'd seen a road with so much dust and sand<br />and I said "listen Bud, I've traveled every road in this here land"<br /><br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've crossed the <a class="knldlink" href="http://www.city-data.com/knowledge/Deserts.html" rel="nofollow" title="View 'deserts' definition from Wikipedia"><span style="color: #22229c;">deserts</span></a> bare, man, breathed the mountain air, man<br />Travel I've had my share, man<br />I've been everywhere<br /><br />I've been to:<br />Waco, Hico, Hondo, Navasota, Winnsboro, Jacksboro, Hillsboro, Santa Rosa, Austin, Houston, Galveston, Texarkana, Frisco, Buffalo, Conroe, Corsicana, Goliad, Groesbeck, Glen Rose, Red Oak, Post Oak, Live Oak, Lone Oak, no joke<br /><br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've crossed the deserts bare, man, breathed the mountain air, man<br />Wind blowing in my hair, man<br />I've been everywhere<br /><br />I've been to:<br />Kruegerville, Pflugerville, Van Horn, Val Verde, Bracketville, Bartleville, <br />Beeville, Bulverde, Bear Creek, Cedar Creek, Mill Creek, Mineola, Maypearl, <br />Monahans, Telephone, Tuscola, Red Water, Round Rock, Round Top, Round Lake, Sour Lake, Southlake, Spring Lake, for pete's sake<br /><br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've crossed the deserts bare, man, breathed the mountain air, man<br />Drove my tires bare, man<br />I've been everywhere<br /><br />I've been to:<br />Greenville, Gatesville, Gainesville, Alameda, Kerrville, Kelleyville, <br />Bastrop, and I've been to Somerville, Smithfield, Stephenville, Prairie View,<br />Lukenback, Longview, Plainview, Idalou, Justin, Joshua, Panorama, Pasadena, Angelina, Anareina, see what I mean now<br /><br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've crossed the deserts bare, man, breathed the mountain air, man<br />Lots of wear and tear, man<br />I've been everywhere<br /><br />Now let me see I've been to:<br />Valley Mills, Pine Mills, Dime Box, Duncanville, New Home, New Hope, New Deal, Liberty Hill, Rockport, Rock Creek, Bridgeport, Brownwood, Cleburne, Comanche, Cut-N-Shoot, Cottonwood, Bayview, Bayside, Baytown, Bay City, Falls City, Center City, Bridge City, what a pity<br /><br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've been everywhere, man<br />I've crossed the deserts bare, man, breathed the mountain air, man<br />Travel I've had my share, man<br />I've been everywhere<br /><br />Yeah when it comes to Texas, friends<br />I've been everywhere<!-- google_ad_section_end --></div> <!-- / message --><br /> <br /> <div id="post_guest_reputation_15301712" style="color: grey; font-size: smaller;"> <a href="http://www.city-data.com/forum/reputation.php?p=15301712" id="reputationlink_15301712" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="color: #22229c;">[+] Rate this post positively</span></a></div> <br /><br />Read more: <a href="http://www.city-data.com/forum/texas/1046789-small-towns-texas-dallas-san-antonio-2.html#ixzz2IwLvQVMl" style="color: #003399;">http://www.city-data.com/forum/texas/1046789-small-towns-texas-dallas-san-antonio-2.html#ixzz2IwLvQVMl</a></div> <div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-35373381390495865242012-02-08T20:23:00.001-06:002012-02-08T20:25:25.130-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <span lang="EN"><div align="CENTER"> &nbsp; FIRST SKYDIVE </div> <br /> <div align="CENTER"> </div> </span><div align="CENTER"> MACHO MAN’S REAL THOUGHTS<span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></div> <span style="font-size: medium;"> </span> <br /> 　<br /> <br /> 　<br /> <br /> Well here I go. Whoosh! Dang what happened to the plane. Oh! there it is a way up<br /> <br /> there.(already?) And what is that almighty screaming. The wind! The wind! It must be <br /> <br /> 100 m.p.h. up here. The ground is coming up awfully fast. Oh! Hell, Pull the string, Pull<br /> <br /> the string, you fool. String, what the heck is a string.<br /> <br /> Now I remember, just like they taught me in diving, do it just like they taught me. I don’t think I have time to repeat things to myself. No, I don’t. I don’t. Man, Look at that ground. I think I shouldn’t look at the ground. I think they told me that. It can hypnotize you. But it’s getting so big.<br /> <br /> O.k. o.k. I’m going to die! I am going to die! Wait, get a hold on.<br /> <br /> Think! Think! I may hit that stupid ground but I not going to die. I may make a huge <br /> <br /> circular splatter but I guarantee you I am not going to die. I am going to jump right up and scream “I’m alive” “I’m alive” I bet no one will believe that. I bet no one has done<br /> <br /> that one before.<br /> <br /> Pull the string! Pull the string! Who in the crap keeps saying that<br /> <br /> .<br /> <br /> It’ me keeps saying that, you idiot! O.k. O.k. Crap. where is it? Did I put one on when I <br /> <br /> dressed for this stupid........ What is the plane doing going around and round. God It’s<br /> <br /> me. I’m spinning. They told me not to do that. I’m dead. Now I’m dead for sure!<br /> <br /> Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray.... No , No I’m not laying me down to sleep. I’m<br /> <br /> walking in some still water with some sheep. Crap, now I know it’s all over. I can’t<br /> <br /> even remember a decent prayer.<br /> <br /> It’s all ooooooverrrrr but the crying. Who sings that? Is it Merl Haggard. No, No it’s Roseanne Barr. You idiot Roseanne Barr doesn’t sing country, She hates country. It is Merle Haggard.or somebody like that. I don’t know.<br /> <br /> I don’t know. What do you want from me? I’m not a frigging country and western expert.<br /> <br /> I just want to go home. I’m tired of this game. I want my mother and I want to go to bed<br /> <br /> and get up and go to Sunday School and shake hands with the preacher and watch the <br /> <br /> Cowboys throw 5 more interceptions and watch Sunday night at the movies and call my<br /> <br /> girlfriend and shake hands with somebody. <br /> <br /> Uh, Hey man, Hey! <br /> <br /> Yeah, what is it? Uh, There’s a little matter here we need to discuss. <br /> <br /> What do you want?. Can you see I’m busy? Buzz off.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Man, you gonna be buzzing if you don’t pull that string. Oh, Crap, That’s right, what am I doing? What am I doing? Crap! What is it now? The frigging string is blowing<br /> <br /> behind me and I can’t catch it. What? The string. I can’t catch it. What can I do now?<br /> <br /> Come on, big mouth, what do I do now?<br /> <br /> Well, I don’t know what you are going to do now, but I know what I am going to do now. I’m going to leave your butt when we get about six feet from the ground. And that don’t look to be very long from here.<br /> <br /> PLOP! God, is that what it feels like. I just died and I only felt a little jerk. I did it!<br /> <br /> I did it! I hit the ground and I’m still alive. Boy, that mind power stuff really works!<br /> <br /> But something is wrong. I’m still above the ground. I know! I know! I died and this is my spirit, rising to meet the angels. <br /> <br /> You idiot! You nincompoop, Your emergency chute just opened!<br /> <br /> What? <br /> <br /> Don’t you see that big chute billowing over your head? You’re still falling but a helluva lot slower. Oh, yeah I see it now. Then I will live and I’m not dead and I don’t have to watch the Cowboys throw 5 interceptions in one game and I don’t have to go to Sunday School and I can call all my friends and go play pool and I don’t have to call that girl and......<br /> <br /> I hit the ground, feet first in awe at how good I was. The follow up truck comes screeching up, people jumping out and asking was it scary. I gather my chute <br /> <br /> and walk toward the truck. Very calmly I crow “PIECE OF CAKE”<br /> <br /> Now all I have to do is go find Mr. Whiffle, the Charmin tissue man.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-56020411175870253272012-02-07T21:20:00.000-06:002012-02-07T21:25:23.290-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <strong><span style="color: #3d85c6;">&nbsp;&nbsp; </span><span style="color: purple;">THANK YOU FOR VISITING LEO'S ONLINE READER. PLEASE SIGN IN IF YOU ARE A MEMBER (ALWAYS FREE) IF NOT,</span></strong><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">RELAX AND ENJOY THE WORLD'S BEST PAST TIME.</span></strong><br /> <span style="color: purple;"><br /></span><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">&nbsp;&nbsp; YOU WILL FIND PLENTY HERE TO KEEP YOU ENGAGED.</span></strong><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">PLEASE LEAVE COMMENT OR JUST READ. MUCH ,MUCH</span></strong><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">MORE COMING ALMOST DAILY&nbsp;FOR YOU TO DO. </span></strong><br /> <span style="color: purple;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: purple;"><strong>&nbsp;&nbsp; REMEMBER THIS IS WHERE YOU COME TO RELAX AND MAYBE UNWIND.&nbsp; MEMBERS ARE OUR SPECIALTY OF SATISFACTION. (AND YOU GET MUCH MORE,</strong><strong>&nbsp;TOO.)</strong></span><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">AGAIN THANKS&nbsp;FOR VISITING</span></strong><br /> <strong><span style="color: purple;">LEO PONDER-IMUFO2</span></strong></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-3460605580527997672012-02-06T18:34:00.000-06:002012-02-06T12:11:29.300-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <span style="background-color: white; color: blue;">FREE!! Hundreds Of Cookies Recipes - Instantly!</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color: purple;">I love Cookies! I Love Cookies! I love Cookies! and its nearly&nbsp; Yum! Yum! and I can't think of any possible cookie thats not on this list. LOOK! (EAT YOUR HEART OUT) But you can have all these. Check it out DON'T MISS THE BOAT!!! Scroll down&nbsp;<em>JOIN AS MEMBER</em>&nbsp;and I will send the full recipes.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color: blue;">1-2-3 Cookies 7 Layer Cookies Allie Nelson's Famous Snickerd oodle Cookies Almond Crescent Shortbread Amish Sugar Cookies Andies Candies Cookies Angel Crisps Angenets Applesauce Cookies Apricot Fold-Overs Aunt Edy's Molasses Crinkles Auntie Linda's Ginger Gems Bakeless Dream Cookies Banana Drop Cookies Best Chocolate Chip Cookies in the World Biscotti Biscotti Blueberry Cookies Boiled Chocolate Oatmeal Drop Cookies Bronwnies Brown Sugar Shortbread Brownie Cookies Brownie Delight Brownies Buccaneer Snowballs Buried Cherry Cookies Butter Cookies Butter Nut Balls Butterballs Butterscotch Haystacks C.O.P. Cookies Candy Cane Cookies Candy Cookies Caramel Shortbread Cheesecake Brownies Cherry Buns Cherry Crowns Cherry Winks Chewies Chewy Noels Chinese Chews/Haystacks Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars Chocolate Chip Cookies Chocolate Chip Meltaways Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Cookies Chocolate Christmas Trees Chocolate Cream Cheese Squares Chocolate Crinkles Chocolate Mint Snow-Top Cookies Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies (no bake) Chocolate Snowball Cookies Chocolate Streusel Bars Chocolate Sundae Cookies Chocolate Walnut Crumb Bars Choco-Scotch Crunchies Choose A Cookie Dough Recipe Christmas Crackers Christmas Crunch Bars Christmas Ginger Snaps Christmas Macaroons Christmas Mice Cookies Christmas Shaped Cookies Church Window Cookies Coconut Cookies Congo Squares Cookie in a Jar Corn Flakes Cookies Cornflake Christmas Wreaths Cowboy Cookies (oatmeal) Cream Cheese Cookies with Apricot Filling Crème De Menthe Chocolate Squares&lt; /FONT&gt; Crème Wafers Crescent Cookies Crispy Crunchies Date Nut Balls Date-nut </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">Pinwheel Cookies Diabetic Peanut Butter Cookies Disgustingly Rich Brownies Doodles Double chocolate chip cookies Double-Chocolate Crinkles Eatmore Cookies Eggnog Cookies Elizabeth's Sugar Cookies Elves Quick Fudge Brownies Emily Dickinson's Gingerbread Cookie Recipe Emily's Best Brownies Famous Oatmeal Cookies Firemen Cookies Fluffy Shortbread Cookies Forgotten Cookies Frosted Peanut Butter Brownies Fruit Cake Cookies Fruitcake Squares Fry Pan Cookies Gems Ginger Cookies Ginger Crinkles Gingerbread Baby Gingerbread Cookies with Butter Cream Icing Gingerbread Men Gingerbread Men Ginny's Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies Glory's Golden Graham Squares Glory's Sugar Cookies </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">Gramma Chapman's chocolate coconut drops Grandma Elsie's Zimt (cinnamon) Cookies Grandma J's Butter Cookies Grandma Olson's Parkay Cookies Great Grandmothers Sugar Cookies Gum Drop Cookies Gumdrop Gems Haystack Cookies Ho-Ho Bars Holiday Cereal Snaps Holiday Chocolate Butter Cookies Holiday Raisin Walnut Bars Holly Cookies Hungarian Cookies (Little Nut Rolls) Ice Box Cookies Irresistible Peanut Butter Cookies Italian Cookies Jacob's Peppermint Snowballs Jam Bars Jessica's Famous Brownies Jessie's Chocolate Chip Cookies Jubilee Jumbles Juliet's Peanut Butter Blossoms Jumbo Chocolate Chip Cookies Kentucky Colonels Kiefle (cream cheese cookies with jam filling) Kifflings Kiss Cookies Lacy Swedish Almond Wafers Lemon Angel Bar Cookies Lemon Bars Lemon Cake Cookies Lemon Cream Cheese Cookies Lemon Squares Linzer Tarts Log Cabin Cookies Luscious Lemon Squares M&amp;M Cookies Magic Cookie Bars Melt in Your Mouth Cutout Sugar Cookies Melting Shortbread Meme's Cream Cheese Cookies Milk Chocolate Florentine Cookies Mincemeat Cookies Mincemeat Goodies Molasses Cookies Molasses Forest Cookies Molasses Sugar Cookies Mom Mom's Crescent Cookies Mom-Mom's Ginger Cookies Mom's Nutmeg Sugar Cookies</span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">Mom's Old Fashion "Puffy" Sugar Cookies Monster Cookies Moravian Christmas Cookies Nana's Famous Soft Southern Cookies Nitey Nite Cookies No Bake Chocolate Cookies No Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies No Bake Cookies No Bake Cookies No Bake Peanut Butter Cookies </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies No-Bake Cookies Norwegian Sugar Cookies Nut Balls Oatmeal Bars Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Nut Cookies Oatmeal Coconut Crisps Oatmeal Cookies Oatmeal Scotchies Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies Ooey Gooey Caramel Chocolate Dunk Ooey Gooey Squares Orange Slice Cookies Parking Lot Cookies Peanut Blossoms Peanut Butter Bars Peanut Butter Blossoms Peanut Butter Cereal Cookies Peanut Butter Chewies Peanut Butter Chocolate Bars Peanut Butter Cookies Peanut Butter Cookies Peanut butter fingers Peanut Butter Reindeer Peanut Butter Surprises Peanut Marshmallow Cookies Pecan Puff Cookies Peppermint Snowballs Peppernuts Persimmon Cookies Persimmon Cookies Petey's Yummy Spicy Almond Thins Pfeffernuesse Pffefferneuse Cookies Pineapple Filled Cookies Pizzelle s Potato Chip Cookies Potato Flake Cookies Praline Cookies Praline Strips Pterodactyl Nests Pumpkin Bars Pumpkin Bars Pumpkin Chip Cookies Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies Pumpkin Cookies Queen Biscuits Quick Cookies Raised Sugar Cookies Raisin Filled Oatmeal Bars Raspberry Meringue Bars Really Peanutty Butter Cookies Reese`s Brownies Reese's Peanut Butter Bars Rich Flavor Christmas Cookies Rich Lemon Bars Ricotta Cheese Cookies Royal Almond Christmas Bars Rudolph Cinnamon Cookies Russian Tea Cookies Russian Teacakes Samantha &amp; Kelsey's Chocolate Chip Cookies Sand Art </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">Brownies Santa Claus Cookie Pops Santa Claus Cookies Santa's Butterscotch Melts Santa's Shorts Santa's Special Squares Scotch Cakes Scotch Shortbread Scotcharoos Scotcheroos Seven Layer Cookies Short Bread Cookies Shortbread Skor Squares Snicker Doodle Cookies Snickerdoodles Snickerdoodles Snow Balls Sour Cream Apple Squares Sour Cream Christmas Cookies Special K Cookies Spice Cookies Spicy Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Spritz Cookies Stained Glass Window Cookies Stir &amp; Drop Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Sugar Cookies Swedish Pepparkakor (Pepper Cake) Cookies Swedish Sugar Cookies Sweet Marie's Swiss Treats Taralle (Italian Cookies) Tea Time Tassies Texas Brownies The Best Shortbread in The World Thumbprint Cookies Thumbprint Cookies Toffee Squares Traditional Christmas Sugar Cookies Traditional Gingerbread Men Cookies Triple-Chocolate Chip Cookies Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookies Vanilla Waffer Balls Walnut Butter Cookies Walnut Crumb Bars White Chip Chocolate Cookies Wild Oatmeal Cookies Will's Famous Apple Jack Cookies Yummy Yummy Peanut Butter Blossoms</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color: purple;">Please&nbsp;&nbsp;join as member&nbsp;and I&nbsp;&nbsp;will send you all these cookie recipes.When you click on the cookie you like it will give you the recipe, INSTANTLY.&nbsp;Your e-mail address is private and I will not share it with anyone.</span><br /> <span style="color: purple;">Scroll down to member slot and Thanks!!</span><br /> <br /> <span style="color: blue;">ENJOY!</span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">LEO PONDER </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">The only thing i love more than cookies is different kinds of cookies! </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;"><br /></span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">Thanks </span><br /> <span style="color: blue;">The Cookie Man</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-50290668776663529372012-02-05T11:01:00.001-06:002012-02-05T11:01:52.851-06:00<a href="http://ouramazingplanet.com/66-infographic-tallest-mountain-to-deepest-ocean-trench.html"><img src="/images/i/115/i02/oap-landsea-oceans-100608-moderate.jpg?1320167225" alt="" /></a><br/>Source: <a href="http://ouramazingplanet.com/66-infographic-tallest-mountain-to-deepest-ocean-trench.html">OurAmazingPlanet.com: Infographic: Tallest Mountain to Deepest Ocean Trench</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-21787636985550831832012-02-04T18:08:00.001-06:002012-02-04T18:09:30.974-06:00From Comic@superkids.com Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball. If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F. If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean, the horizon will be about three statute miles away. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula." Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots The band Duran Duran got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella". Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono. Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo. The company providing the liability insurance for the Republican National Convention in San Diego is the same firm that insured the maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth...and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd." The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children. If NASA sent birds into space (inside a space capsule, that is), they would soon die because they need gravity to swallow. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life". It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again. Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute. White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (Formerly of the Monkees). Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes. Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight. Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape. The "L.L." in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood. Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. [Who figured this out?!] The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside they would crack and break off... Thus the saying. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucous every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself. The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows." A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background -- when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they are actually talking. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth. Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex. Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly. Reindeer like to eat bananas. A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament. Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for Muster Mark!" Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep. The phrase "three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-35609270760425554142012-02-02T17:39:00.000-06:002012-02-02T17:40:44.795-06:00CHRISTMAS 2011 BY LEO PONDER NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS (HO-HUM) NO MORE BRINGING HOMEWORK TO CHURCH Christmas was great. We mostly basked in warm candlelight (the power was off) sharing the love of a family, with our meager presents. My daughter (20) received a red Mustang convertible, from her fiancee' and they announced their wedding plans. Her fiancee slept over on the couch Christmas eve and I had a brand new 25" color T.V. wrapped the next morning. Of course they said it must have been Santa. My daughter’s fiancee is the only boy I know that I can't find one undesirable trait. He is polite, sensitive, and he gives me expensive presents. My son reached 18 yrs. old 5 days after Christmas(Dec. 30) I gave him an electric razor and explained how to cut the three chin hairs with one on, off click of the switch. I told him he didn’t need to send in the warranty card, it would probably outlast the manufacturer at that rate. My youngest daughter (14), against my misgivings, opened a personal pager and spent the day trading beeps with her best friend who received one too. I never realized you could get so excited over a beep.( unless ,I guess, you had a pacemaker) But she informed me that the pager had already proven it’s worth. Seems her best friend had seen my daughter’s boyfriend talking with another girl (a cheerleader, no less) “Sounds suspicious to me”, I said, trying to fork a juicy turkey leg directly behind my daughter on the counter. I missed. “Not suspicious, Guilty”, she screamed. “Guilty?” I asked “Of what, talking to a cheerleader? “Dad, my friend said he was laughing and moving his arms around like an idiot” I looked up from the huge plate of hot rolls that I had spied just to her left. “Laughing, animated hands, that’s entirely different. He’s been a bad boy” “No”, she said, “That’s where the beeper comes in. With every one here on the phone so much he couldn’t get through so he beeped me. We already made up.” “How’s that”, I asked. “He said it wasn’t him, my friend must have been mistaken” “Oh” was all I could manage as she ducked under my outstretched hand with the fork in it, revealing the largest coconut cream pie with meringue a foot tall, I had ever seen. I didn’t miss on that one. My son had talked his sister into letting him drive the new pop top two miles down the road to pick up Granny who was coming for Christmas dinner, with the top down of course. It was only snowing lightly. Every one had a big laugh on that one. Granny would have his skin. Ten minutes later he drove up, with a laughing frosty Granny bundled up like a Point Barrow Eskimo. Incredulously we asked how he had enticed her into that new fangled contraption. Her answer: (which restored my faith in a teenagers industriousness when it comes to cars and women) “He told me to think of it as an old time sleigh ride(which she had loved) and to think of the 400 horses under the hood as eight powerful reindeer, with him as Santa. Did you know he knows all Santa’s reindeer by name? But he kept saying “on” before each name.” “I loved it! I hope we can go for another sleigh ride”, said Granny with a twinkle not unlike Mrs. Claus. My Daughter ran out and zipped up the top on her sleigh. We sang Christmas carols and two full versions of “99 bottles of beer on the wall” (I don’t know how that happened) New Years, we ate food while refining our diet resolutions. Here are some more New Years resolutions we all made: Dad will stop following every one around going: Scratch my back No one will eat in a horizontal position No one will bring their homework to church (unless emergency) Mom will quit referring to us as “her little babies” (especially to dates) No more “Have you filled out an application, yet?” from Dad to our dates. The youngest will cut phone time to at least five hours No more using Dad’s electric razor for a dog trimmer The boy spender will pay back the girl saver her $18.00 this year for sure Dad will say “Sure” instead of “beg like a dog” for our allowance Allowances payable Saturdays only 7 A.M. sharp All A’s on report cards raised $10.00 again this year for a total of $50.00 ea. HAPPY NEW YEAR!<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-20836559346955258942012-02-02T07:11:00.001-06:002012-02-02T17:50:12.853-06:00<a href="http://www.ouramazingplanet.com/infographic-tallest-mountain-to-deepest-ocean-trench-0249/" mce_href="infographic-tallest-mountain-to-deepest-ocean-trench-0249/"> <img src="http://www.ouramazingplanet.com/images/stories/oap-landsea-oceans-100608-moderate.jpg" mce_src="images/stories/oap-landsea-oceans-100608-moderate.jpg" alt="Our Amazing Planet explores Earth from its peaks to it mysterious depths." width="400" border="1"></a><br> Source <a href="http://www.ouramazingplanet.com/" mce_href="mce_href">OurAmazingPlanet.com, Exploring the wonder and beauty of planet Earth through exclusive news, features and images.</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-51836765186342050442012-01-31T18:22:00.001-06:002012-02-04T18:47:54.597-06:00We should place the elderly in prisons. They will get a shower a day, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access to a library, computer, TV, austar, gym, doctors on-site, free medication if needed. Put criminals in nursing homes. They have cold meals, lights off at 7pm, two showers a week, live in a smaller room and pay rent at $4,000 a month!!!<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-75617769673631106432012-01-08T20:22:00.001-06:002012-02-04T18:37:01.651-06:00<a href="http://www.zazzle.com/coffee_beans_galore_poster-228711263559187319">Click Here</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-9720897709863074282012-01-07T12:53:00.001-06:002012-02-02T17:41:56.698-06:00<embed src="http://www.zazzle.com/utl/getpanel?tl=saleshocker%27s%20Store%20at%20Zazzle&ch=saleshocker&at=238506786021155064&st=POPULARITY" FlashVars="path=http://www.zazzle.com/assets/swf/zp/skins" width="450" height="300" wmode="transparent" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" /><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-49950325034559244512011-09-14T17:16:00.003-05:002012-02-02T17:52:36.427-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <strong>WOW! KIRSTER ALLEY'S MIND BLOWING WEIGHT LOSS!!!</strong><br /> <strong>GO HERE BELOW&nbsp;FOR THE AMAZING TRANSFORMATION!</strong><br /> <br /> <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/wow-kirstie-alleys-dramatic-weight-loss-2552882/#photoViewer=10">http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/wow-kirstie-alleys-dramatic-weight-loss-2552882/#photoViewer=10</a></div> <div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-61000196979348643332011-08-31T17:15:00.000-05:002012-02-02T17:47:28.718-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <u><span style="color: #e69138;">Leo's Very Own Thoughts to screw up your day. Poems: Maybe!</span></u><br /> <br /> <u><span style="color: black;">The moon doth wax and wane,</span></u><br /> No it don't,<br /> That's what we put on our cars,<br /> and name our kids<br /> <br /> Life is not the way <br /> of the setting sun&nbsp; (<em>What!)</em><br /> <br /> Evolution speaks of great enterprises<br /> fit for a King (<em>now thats right)</em><br /> <br /> If I am alone,<br /> then what is this thing,<br /> when I pick the tomatoes<br /> <br /> I am not made from what I chose,<br /> but the DNA,<br /> from which I rose<br /> <br /> Where is God,<br /> is he in the sky,<br /> I can't know until<br /> I look him in the eye<br /> <br /> <em>(hang on it gets better)</em><br /> <br /> <em><strike>Being religious,</strike></em><br /> <em><strike>they will pray for you</strike></em><br /> <em><strike>but an atheist would call</strike></em><br /> <em><strike>a doctor </strike>(</em>Uh, cull that)<br /> <br /> If you really,really,really believe<br /> in a God<br /> Would you please,please<br /> ask him <br /> where I lost my Pipe. (<em>I really need to know that</em>)<br /> <br /> <strike>(<span style="color: #e69138;">These are some of my thoughts from</span></strike><br /> <span style="color: #e69138;"><strike>the other night when I was cutting my toenails.) </strike></span><span style="color: black;">Cull that too.</span><br /> <br /> <strike>More good stuff when my nails grow. (Dang)</strike><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /></div> <div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-36693486180028700532009-12-11T19:48:00.000-06:002012-02-02T17:47:28.707-06:00Well, I’m back. I would have been back sooner, but I had to mow my lawn Normally I write my articles first and then I mow my lawn, but my wife got to me first. It takes about two days to do it right, (that is stop for a cold drink, nap, watch the news, etc.) If I don’t do it right it takes about two hours. (according to my wife).And if you add that stupid lot next door that only serves two purposes, (it holds our storage room and grows grass.) it’s a big distraction from writing articles. This time I didn’t want to do it. That caused the usual argument. Sometimes a man has to stand up for himself and put things in the right order of priorities, firmly but politely.<br /> <br /> “I have to write an article.” I argued.<br /> <br /> “O.K., a and an, that’s two,” she replied, now a little peeved, ”Takes about two seconds, what else?”<br /> God , I hate it when women try to pull their education on me in an argument.<br /> O.K. , but she has descended into a writer’s territory now. Us authors know about that kind of stuff.<br /> "But I don’t know if I want to write about “an apple” or “a car,” I prodded her.<br /> “Well, it depends if you are writing about any “apple” you have to use an indefinite article like “an” since “apple” starts with a vowel. But if you are writing about a specific “apple” you have to use “the” like in ”The Apple in the Garden Of Eden.” “Now can we mow?”<br /> <br /> Holy crap! Can you wait just a minute while I write that down. I might need that sometimes. Well, evidently she had been punished enough, which was evident in her next statement.<br /> <br /> “Besides I’m baking something you like very much,” she teased.<br /> “A chocolate cake!,” I almost shouted, losing my cool.<br /> “No” she grinned.<br /> My heart fell.<br /> “The chocolate cake,” she corrected again. “Mind your articles”<br /> “The triple layer, double frosted, double fudge chocolate cake that I like”<br /> Now I was catching on. She lost that argument big time.<br /> <br /> Thinking about “The” Chocolate cake that was baking, I thought what ever happened to the sweet agreeable little girl that I used to sit with in the back seat of my ‘57 chevy,at the drive in movie (And for you read between the liners doing your little computing, I could have bought the ‘57 chevy much later and yes drive in movies were still around until about the seventies.) <br /> <br /> And what the hell did the Garden of Eden have to do with anything. That’s just like women, they try to confuse you, but I have learned not to be confused. I can see past all that. I’m also sure of one thing, when Mother’s teach their daughters to bake chocolate cake, it’s for lots of reasons other than housekeeping.<br /> <br /> They know what they are doing. Men are going to have to learn some things other than driving tanks.<br /> Just then I ran out of gas in the middle of the lot.<br /> <br /> I was half through the lot mowing when my son drove up with more junk to store in my store room.<br /> “Why don’t you build your own storage,” I asked. as we struggled with an old torn sofa that would look better in the junkyard.<br /> <br /> “Gosh, Dad we don’t have the extra cash until we build our home.<br /> “And when’s that,” I asked hopefully.<br /> “Oh, in about 2 years or so,” he said nonchalantly, ”Dad, could you help me with this car engine, it’s pretty heavy”<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; “How did she run out of gas,” I moaned, to my wife, who had just received a call from our daughter.<br /> <br /> “I don’t know,” she said, “I would guess that a better way of saying it would be she used it all up”<br /> <br /> “But she’s got a new car,” I sputtered. “They don’t run out of gas , do they”<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Standing in the middle of the freeway, holding an empty gas can, I’m thinking. Is this all fathers are for, to peddle gas on the freeway for my daughter, build storage buildings for my son and mow my wife’s grass. My daughter had spun off after the fill up with a quick “Thank You Dad, you’re the greatest” Shouldn’t I get paid or something? It seems to be much cheaper to have your father bring you gas than to buy it at the station. I felt a little lonely on the side of this busy thoroughfare holding my empty gas can.<br /> <br /> <br /> “Why does he have to fill my storage up when they have storage all over town,” I said to my wife.<br /> “ Well we don’t have too much in there.”<br /> “I have lots in there ,” I countered.<br /> “It’s mostly junk, for example that old car seat you have in there takes up a lot of room.”<br /> “That’s not junk.”I said. “It’s the back seat from my ‘57 Chevy. Don’t you remember the nights at the drive in in that back seat”<br /> “That wasn’t me!,” she turned around sharply. I never did sit in the back seat of a ‘57 Chevy with you” “You had a ‘65 Dart when we were dating.”<br /> “’65 Dart!,” I exclaimed. <br /> “Who did you sit with in the back seat of a ‘57 Chevy ?”<br /> “You,” I screamed.<br /> “Wasn’t me,” she screamed back,” Now who was it?”<br /> “I have to get back to mowing,” I passed The chocolate cake on my way out.<br /> <br /> In my ‘57 Chevy seat in the now crowded storage, I was now completely confused. ‘65 Dart. Garden of Eden. ’57 Chevy. The chocolate cake.<br /> What has happened to my memory? Am I getting senile?.<br /> So I decided to write this article and here it is: “a” Well, I told you I was confused.<br /> <br /> Any how now I'm sitting amongst my son's junk. My daughter's car is probably getting close to empty again, the mowing isn't finished yet, my wife is asking questions I can't answer and worst of all I don't know if I will get any of THE CAKE<br /> <br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; At that moment though in my deepest despair, I heard the familiar squeaking of the storage door. My wife peeked inside, walked over to me in my '57 Chevy seat, sat down beside me and with the brightest smile handed me the biggest slice of triple layer, double frosted, double fudge chocolate cake I had ever seen. "Now I have ," she said still beaming.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> “<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-66057219867411391102009-11-16T23:33:00.000-06:002012-02-02T17:41:56.673-06:00AN HONEST POLITICIAN, AT LAST!<br /> <br /> <br /> By<br /> Leo Ponder<br /> <br /> If &nbsp;I am elected I promise to do all I can to promote myself and do all I can to make as much money as I can. I will ignore my constituency and vote the way I feel personally. I will not support a bill if it means a fight and is unpopular. Also, if elected, I promise all my promises will be kept, if I deem them necessary at the time<br /> <br /> I will not be partial to lobbying groups, I will pick the one that I consider most beneficial to myself, regardless!<br /> <br /> Furthermore, I and my office will be open for any input on any issue that I deem important. I don’t care about tradition unless it suits my purposes today and not many do.<br /> <br /> I personally promise to stay out of controversial subjects such as , welfare, social security, taxes, abortion, and scandals if it might affect my re-election. You can also be assured that I will object to any investigation of<br /> Anybody for anything, since it might affect my own integrity in office.<br /> <br /> Patriotism was a very important trait in the establishment of this country especially for George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and so on but because of such moral decay and personal greed that is rampant today I will not be bound by such oddities.<br /> <br /> Nothing I have ever said can be held against me since everything I have ever said I really didn’t say, Only the things I should haqve said that affect the things that I say now are really the things that I have said, and I really mean that!<br /> <br /> Let me end by stating that I need your vote and an willing to do anything to get it and I mean anything! I am glad to have been so honest and straightforward with you today, unlike my sleaze ball competition who is not honest with his promises, My ambitions are sincere. Thank you for your vote.<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-43694810800653850422009-10-26T18:22:00.000-05:002012-02-02T17:41:56.641-06:00Everyone needs to learn survival<br /> <br /> By<br /> <br /> LEO PONDER<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> I leaped the log in hot pursuit, tree limbs slapping my face, my home made spear at the ready. Bramble burrs snatched at my trousers, reducing my speed, but with surges of super effort, I managed to keep my prey in sight.<br /> <br /> I was nearly dead with hunger and I knew that this might be my last really<br /> <br /> good chance to snare a decent meal. I had been reduced to some kind of pre-historic monster forced kill for my food. In other better times, I would have been nauseated by the level of savagery that I had now sunk. I had no qualms about what I would do if I caught this prey. I would snap the neck, tear out the heart and wolf down my spoils with much relish and blood.<br /> <br /> Suddenly, I came upon a clearing that ended at the brushy banks of a river just in time to see my prey disappear in the brush. In two or three bounds I crossed the clearing to the spot where it had entered. My heart dropped. It wasn’t a river, just a small stream. It would escape by running downstream. What rotten luck! He would have been trapped if it had been a river!<br /> <br /> But I hadn’t been trained by the best to be outwitted by even such an intelligent animal as this. An animal that was so ferocious that nothing could withstand it’s attack. I knew exactly now what it was up to. It was not running but circling to gain an advantage. I had to admire it, even though at the moment we were mortal enemies.<br /> <br /> I wheeled and headed across the clearing to cut him off downstream. It was my only hope. This species had never been known to cut a chase and run scared. It didn’t ever consider itself prey. That’s how many had died violent deaths, just at the moment of seeming victory.<br /> <br /> It was legend that this particular beast had psychic powers that defied<br /> <br /> Explanation. Probably not true but I seemed to hear my name from a distance during the chase. If it was true I would just have to ignore it. I remembered the old adage, “Sticks and stones (and beasts) will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”<br /> <br /> Crossing the clearing to the right I slid down the bank into the small stream, my heart thudding like jungle drums announcing terrible news. What if I was wrong? What if the beast went upstream instead of down? But that would be stupid. They know their scent would wash downstream giving away their location. Firmly anchored in my survival techniques, I decided that I was in exactly the right spot.<br /> <br /> I found a flat heavy rock with a deep hole in the middle and pushed the butt of my home made spear firmly into the indentation. I positioned the rock on the stream bed with the spear pointing straight up. On my knees I grabbed the spear firmly in both hands. Now I had a strong, deadly trap that would easily pierce the toughest skin. If and when the beast sprang, and these always did, I would guide the spear straight to his heart<br /> <br /> Sitting quietly, I noticed that darkness was not long off. I could not see to the far end of the stream but considered that an advantage. If the beast came close without seeing me, then I could pull the old surprise bit by making a sudden noise when he was close, he would spring from instinct and without any caution.<br /> <br /> Suddenly, again, I heard my name. This time it was very close. O.K. names won’t hurt. I cut my breathing to small gulps but my heart wouldn’t co-operate. It felt like a sledgehammer.<br /> <br /> This was it! Here he comes! Moving so stealthily and furtively, he seemed to be part of the stream. Thank God for my training. He stopped very near, huge gathering muscles preparing for attack. He had seen me but I could still use the spear for the strike. My name-My name, right behind me. He must be trying to confuse me so he can spring! So that’s how so many have lost their battle with this brute. And never lived to tell anyone. But I will be smarter, I will not look behind me. I will kill this thing and live.<br /> <br /> He sprang! Something behind me cuffed my ear and I broke the spear in the rock where it fell useless, into the rippling stream.<br /> <br /> Watching the beast in mid air, knowing I had only a split second to live, I at least wanted to know what had caused my demise. I twisted to look behind and seen the most awful sight a small boy could behold in those circumstances. My Mother!!<br /> <br /> Hey! Hey! I’ve been calling and calling. Sakes alive, boy, can’t you hear at all! There’s more of that you just got on your ear when we get home. Get up out of that water. I done told you not play in this creek again. Now trot yourself straight home and call that good for nothing dog with you. He’s just as muddy as you. Lord, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you two. You’re going to take your bath and go straight to bed without any supper.”<br /> <br /> If she had been only a few minutes later, and not interfered I would have had my supper.<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-62372087517748631942009-10-17T12:01:00.000-05:002012-02-02T17:47:28.720-06:00THE DUMB NEIGHBOR AND THE SMART NEIGHBOR <br />By<br />Leo Ponder <br /><br /><br /><br /> My dimwitted, redneck neighbor across the street was waving frantically for me to come over. He was sitting in that stupid car seat from a ‘57 chevy in his front yard. <br />Desperately I tried to think of some excuse and continue my now frantic watering with<br />renewed interest, but my name wafting on the late evening stillness stopped any attempt to ignore him. <br />“Hey, Bud” <br />“Over here” <br />I stabbed at my chest and mouthed in a last ditch maneuver.<br />“Me”<br />“Yeah, c’mon over. I got a cold one”<br />The last time I was over for a neighborly chat we discussed upholstering the chevy<br />seat and how he was going to acquire the rest of the car, piece by piece. (oh, I forgot<br />he did have a mangled 283 chevy engine which would fit a ‘57) After that visit I found<br />myself comparing him with the engine. Both were a quart low and slow.<br /> Resigning myself to the inevitable, I turned the spigot shutting off the water, and ambled across the street. He jumped up and disappeared into his house. An instant later he was out with a beer in each hand. Well, I thought, the beer was cold and it had been a warm evening. I poured half the can down in one gulp. At least maybe the beer would numb my brain. And maybe this time he would have something human to <br />say. As usual, I was wrong.<br /> “What’cha doing, Bub”<br /> (Oh I’m out practicing my walk in space using my water hose as a mock thruster, after my liftoff on the Endeavor next week)<br />“Just doing a little watering”<br /> I totally expected his next question to be, “What’cha watering.” I couldn’t even begin to go there for my answer. But he fooled me.<br />“Yeah, my grass needs it too”<br /> (Well Gotta go, I could say, draining the rest of the brew, my grass is dying)<br />“Wait” He dashed in and returned with another can. <br />“Hey, man looked like you need another one, you downed that so fast. Sit down and sip a little slower. I only got two more” He pointed at what looked like two new $4.98 lawn chairs from wal-mart. I sat. Wondering why.<br />“You can be the first to sit in my new chairs from wal-mart”, he affirmed my suspicions.<br />“Thanks,” I muttered, “I haven’t done that in a while”<br />“They are still on sale if you want one. $4.98 Great, huh?” He grinned.<br />“I had a little left over from the sale of my land, so I purchased those chairs with it”<br />“You sold your land?,“ I asked incredulously. “That prize acre you have had for 15 years,<br />that all the businesses have been surrounding” <br />“Yeah, 5,000 smackers”<br />“5,000 dollars? You said you were offered that much 10 yrs. back. If you had kept it, you probably could have sold it for much more” I now realized what a poor business man he was too. <br />“Well, I got a little anxious. It only cost me 500 bucks back then.<br />Well what could you expect, I thought, from someone that bought 4.98 wal-mart<br />chairs.<br />“And you only got two chairs” I asked, afraid of the answer. <br />“Oh, no,” now he became excited, “I got more than that. Wait, I’ll show you. Be right<br />back. From our previous boring conversations I fully expected him to return with the <br />title to a dilapidated ‘57 chevy or worse yet two more chairs. He did neither.<br /> He came back holding a crumpled looking letter. What stupid thing did he do?<br />Send off for some movie star autograph or what?<br />“Remember that old man that works with me? The one that still had a family, some still in school? I talked about him having to work at his age? Remember?<br />In wonderment I nodded.<br />“Well he almost died last week. He was in the hospital and his wife and three kids didn’t<br />have a car to visit him so I took them for a visit. You know they are very poor. Well <br />read it” <br />His face was beaming as he shoved the letter in my hand. I read it.<br />Dear Sir,<br /> We don’t know much about you except what John has mentioned from his job,<br />but we know that you were sent from God. His new Pacemaker is perfect and the Dr.<br />said it was a miracle that he lived long enough for him to implant it. <br /> He will be out of the hospital tomorrow, and the Dr. said he would be able to live a <br />normal life and even go back to work. If he had died we would have been grief stricken<br />and don’t know what we would have done. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for<br />paying for it. We’re sorry it took all your money. We don’t know how but maybe God will let us re-pay you someday even though you have said to forget it. You are truly a <br />gift from God.<br /> God Bless You,<br /> Edna and children<br /><br /> As I read, my own stupidity crushed upon my brain and I felt worthless against the <br />charity of my stupid neighbor. He was right. He did have more, much more than two<br />chairs, one of which would hold a vain and holier than thou neighbor. He had the letter<br />and he had a big heart. A heart that I was convinced would never need a “Pacemaker”<br /> I stood up. He was still standing there beaming and as excited as if someone had just <br />presented him with a brand new ‘57 chevy.<br /> I asked him if he would do one more small favor.<br />“Sure,” he said, still beaming with that enviable happiness that few shrewd business men <br />experience.<br />“Shake my hand,” I said<br />“Sure,” he agreed, taking my hand, looking a little perplexed but still happy.<br />“I gotta go,” I said. I turned and walked hurriedly away.<br />“What’s the hurry,” He yelled, in his idiotic way. “You didn’t finish the beer”<br /><br />“I have to go learn all I can about building a ‘57 chevy,” I yelled back.<br />“All Right” He was pumping his fist in the air and grinning<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-43273810719705910932009-10-15T17:12:00.000-05:002012-02-02T17:41:56.637-06:00I will publish a Chapter from my Book (Mother Nature) whenever I can. I will leave the first<br /><br />Chapter up until I get enough followers.<br /><br />Every other week or so I will include a little humor since the book is a bit gruesome.<br /><br />I will publish one of my Dozens of Articles mostly on humorous situations in Ordinary<br /><br />Family Life. I hope you can relate<br /><br />The first installment will include the first and second Chapters of "Mother Nature". Enjoy (I hope.<br /><br /><br />-----------------------------------CHAPTER I--------------------------------------<br /><br /> It was a terrifying night. Kaleidoscopes of eerie lightning annealed perfectly to<br />the steady staccato of thunder. The wind conspired to drive the rain into a seething <br />cauldron of images that formed and just as swiftly disappeared, creating the effect of <br />malevolent spirits drifting in and out of a tempest. Neither man nor beast ventured <br />forth from their abodes as a seemingly angry Mother Nature proclaimed her unchallenged <br />supremacy. Except for Cato. It was a perfect night for his growing needs. Needs that had<br />almost become uncontrollable lately since the last big storm. He would be satisfied tonight, that is until the next “advent” as he called it. Tonight was a “factor three”. It had<br />to be or he would perish. Three beings spirits would become entwined with his and his <br />destiny would rise to higher plateaus of Godliness, finally acquiring the supreme state<br />of God to whom all worship flows. The storm was a sign that it was true. He would not fail!<br /><br />-----------------------------------CHAPTER 2-----------------------------------<br /><br /> As first light filtered through the rising mists of early morning, the city was eerily quiet, awakening was slow as if the inhabitants were making up for lost sleep after a night of being kept awake by the brutal storm. Limbs from the beautiful pin oaks that lined the <br />boulevards lay scattered indiscriminately stripped by a formidable force of nature. Some<br />huge trees, weakened by the long drought, had toppled across the streets, giving up hundreds of years of life to the whims of one maniacal weather event. But the city would <br />recover and life would resume. Unknowingly, as yet, to recover from this night, the still sleeping city would have to dig deeper than a few torn branches, they would also have to delve into the unknown mysteries of twisted and psychopathic human nature.<br /> And on Elm Street it was quiet. An older car pulled into the drive of 1108, the lights flicked off, a figure emerged and trudged up the walk toward the side door, hugging a large paper bag. A slight jingle of keys broke the stillness and the door opens slightly as the figure fumbled with the light switch just inside. <br /> Marie Alice Trent, 46, mother of five, devout Sunday school teacher, loyal personal maid and winner of last night’s twenty five dollar church bingo jackpot is about to meet the substance from which nightmares are made, changing her life forever. <br /> Backing into the now well lit kitchen, she deposited the bag of cleaning supplies on the counter next to the door, inserted her thumb under the strap of her shoulder bag and set it beside the paper bag. Closing the door quietly she turned toward the interior of the immaculate kitchen finally facing the table with it’s gruesome contents. Three manikins, so she thought since they were headless, sat back to back in the middle of the huge cherry <br />wood table. A table that she had polished and cleaned meticulously, countless times. She tried to scream but was cut short by the smell of fresh blood and death. It was a silent scream. She turned, flung open the door and stumbled down the side walk toward her car.<br /> Three blocks away a fast food and gas clerk just opening his business for the day <br />received his first customer. A terrified, incoherent and distraught Mary Alice Trent, unemployed personal maid at 1108 Elm.<br /> As the morning deepened into a sullen overcast the chainsaws started the ritual<br />of clean up and in the distance the sirens announced a ritual of their own.<br /><p> </p><p> </p><p align="center">Chapter I<br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8406627925048807195.post-84471225832614166452009-10-15T15:06:00.000-05:002012-02-02T17:47:28.729-06:00Would you click here if I asked you to. I found this astounding and a little scary.<br />Click Here <br /><br /><a href="http://littleurl.net/194963">http://littleurl.net/194963</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Best things in life are free!</div>imufo2http://www.blogger.com/profile/00902609899307840424noreply@blogger.com0